Sins of the Son, Shadow of the Father
by Esper17
Summary: It's been a year since Thane passed. Shepard thought she'd lost it all, the brink of losing herself. When Kolyat forces feelings lying dead to spark back to life, will they be able to push past their differences and find love with one another? When Thane returns from Kalahira's shore, what will happen to their new found love. Post ME2, slight AU, ThanexShepardxKolyat. Trigger Warn.
1. New Beginning

**Authors Note:** This is a story I have had in my mind for a very long time and has been haunting me to finally get written. I have always been a fan of Kolyat/Shephard/Thane pairings and am saddened by the lack of them. This is going to be a mature story, so a warning is being given in advance. Mature situations, graphic sexual content, graphic violence. I do not want anyone to say that they were never given a heads up. If you can't handle extreme adult situations, alien love or heartbreak, then this story is not for you.

 **Authors Note 2** :Please be patient with me, I will update as quick as humanly possible. I work full time, have two pre-k children and am training to be a police officer. I have this whole story in outline form so hang in there, it will get to you! Other than that, I really hope you enjoy this story. Also, if you have the time, please review. I hope you are all around for the long haul. I also apologize in advance, I try to read each chapter several times before I post, but even I or my beta can miss some editing mishaps. I also thank my beta **OpalinePixie** found on Archive of Our Own.

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Mass Effect or take credit for the most enjoyable world that has been created. I do however love Thane and Kolyat so much I wish they were mine but eh, a girl can dream.

Chapter 1 – New Beginning

He had been watching her for a while. Trying to think of the best way to approach her. It had been almost a year since he had seen her last. Living on the Citadel, being amongst more and more humans, he had come to learn the beauty of their species. What was considered beautiful, and what to appreciate with their females. He knew she was one of those that were considered beautiful, and since the time he had seen her last, it had only seemed to grow. He could see how the males of her species stared. Their behaviors changing as she passed, the effect she had on people. Whether intrigue or fear, people were drawn to her.

He had seen other humans with her beauty. The way they would flaunt it or act superior. She was different though, could have been the center of attention if she desired, but she stayed close to the side lines, apart, lingering in the shadows. Part of him wondered if it was her Specter past, how she kept her back always to the wall, or if she just wanted to be left alone.

She had just finished her third glass of wine and began making her way towards the balcony. Her cheeks flushed, footsteps a little slower. Her movements were still fluid, hips swaying within the confines of her tight black dress. Bare shoulders, pale and smooth, revealed from thin off shoulder straps. Her hair was longer then when he had last seen her, almost a foot more in length than before. Blood red tendrils cascading down her back in waves of shiny gloss. Kolyat had always wanted to know what a human's hair felt like, and curiosity had him wondering if hers was as soft as it looked.

She made her way through the open archway and out into the darkness of the terrace. He continued following her, grabbing a glass of wine from a passing server as he gathered his composure and tried to think of what he might say to her. He pulled himself into the shadows as to not be seen while he continued studying her. Stopping before the balcony she rested her hands upon the smooth white marble. Her eyes were unfocused, her gaze far away as she stared at a single point in the distance, almost as if she was going through a memory. Her expression seemed empty and she radiated a deep sadness and an almost lonely air. Kolyat swallowed hard, unsure if he should approach her and break her solitude.

"Shepard." A man's voice called out to her breaking the silence. Kolyat immediately positioned himself deeper into the shadows. Shepard's whole body grew rigid, back straightening, shoulders tense. She turned her head and everything her expression held was gone in an instance. Her stare turned cold, sharp, they were the eyes of a Specter.

"Kaidan. I'm surprised to see you here." Her voice was low and empty as she turned her body towards him, arms crossing over her chest. Kolyat had never seen this human before. Was he friend or enemy? Judging by her posture, he could tell she wasn't too thrilled to see him.

"I could say the same of you." The black haired man's lips were pulled thin as he moved closer towards her. His own eyes hard, chin flexing in stiff discomfort. "Anderson asked me to come here. You know how these events are. We have to show that the Alliance shows their support regarding Citadel security."

"I see." She said plainly. Her eyes moving back over the balcony, the silence stretching out between them. Kolyat wanted to laugh as he watched, seeing how uncomfortable she was making the human male. "So, how've you been?"

"Good actually. I was with the council recently. There are talks about making me a Specter."

"Really?" Shepard turned back to look at him, interest back in her eyes. "Kaidan, I'm happy for you. It's a great honor."

"Well I guess I have you to thank in a way."

"You did it on your own, you don't have to thank me."

"Perhaps." Kaidan grinned taking a sip from his champagne glass. Kolyat had a sudden urge to slap that smug expression off the humans face. "What about you?"

"Great. Fantastic." She replied with a hint of bitter anger. Kaidan stared at her in blank reflection. Kolyat shifted, feeling the air turn heavy between them as the silence stretched once more. He could sense that whatever had happened between these two was not entirely finished business.

"I heard some interesting rumors about you. I almost didn't want to believe them."

"Almost?"

"Don't play coy Shepard. That is not who you are." She crossed her arms back over her chest her eyes turning cold. She stared him down, waiting for him to speak. "You're an information broker now?"

"Everyone needs to make a living Kaidan, even me."

"You don't deny it? You left Cerberus and straight out of incarceration you skirt the law by selling information. Do you answer to the Shadow Broker too?"

"What is it you want Kaidan? You saw me and decided to gloat? To rub it in my face that you are being chosen as the next human Specter?"

"You sound almost bitter."

"It's true I broke off with Cerberus and the Alliance grounded me. Took away my ship, my crew, and stripped me of my Specter status. I am not bitter. I did what had to be done. I always did, no matter the circumstances, but now…now I'm done."

"You blew up an entire Batarian system! Did you think you would just walk away from the repercussions?" Kolyat watched the fire in her eyes die down, the pain and regret flood within their depths.

"That has never been proven. You weren't there, you don't know half the things that happened, half of what I was forced to decide between."

"I don't believe you."

"I don't give a shit what you believe." Kaidan tensed his jaw in anger, his eyes flashing darkly as they narrowed. Shepard held her head high, meeting his eyes defiantly. Kolyat watched in admiration. The stories his father told him about her courage and demeanor evident in the way she acted towards the human male, who stood more than a head taller than her.

"Anderson told me the Reapers were delayed because of your actions, although they don't know for how long. Maybe indefinitely, maybe just not in this lifetime or perhaps they could even show up tomorrow. The end result though, you turned your back on the Alliance. Became a traitor and mass murderer. Did you expect them to welcome you back with open arms? How far have you fallen Shepard? The so called Hero of the Citadel?"

"You don't understand anything Kaidan." Shepard turned away from him to leave but the black haired man blocked her path quickly.

"I heard something else, also."

"And I take it you're going to enlighten me?"

"I heard that you found yourself another lover. A drell. Couldn't even keep it in your own species, could you?"

Kolyat could almost physically feel the whole atmosphere shift around her. One second calm and calculating, the next a raging fire. He could feel his own anger rising up at the mention of his father. Wherever this human received his information, he obviously didn't know that his father had returned to the deep almost a year ago. Kolyat smiled to himself as an idea formed in his mind and he quickly grabbed a small plate of sliced strawberries from another passing server.

Shepard's hands began to shake in anger. Her knuckles turning white as she balled her hands into fists. Biotic energy beginning to seep through her skin and light up the darkness.

"Don't you dare bring him into this!" She spat venomously, her lips pulled back from her teeth, seething. Taking a step forward she poked her finger into Kaidan's chest roughly. The human male grabbed her wrist and pulled her to him with more force than needed. She lost her footing in her high heels and he caught her as she stumbled. Biotic energy rose in the man's own hands as their emotions escalated. She glared up at him, murder in her eyes.

"Tell me something Shepard. Did you fuck him the first time right before you took on that Collector Base? Nothing like the thought of death to spread your legs for the next man."

"Fuck you, Kaidan."

"Sarah?" Kolyat called out loudly from the darkness, coming around the marble beam he hid behind as if he was still looking for her. They moved away from one another quickly, no more trace of biotic power between them. Both turned to stare at him and once Shepard saw who had called her name, her eyes widened slightly in surprise and she forced herself to move further away from the black haired human.

"Kolyat." He could hear the uncertainty and confusion in her voice, but he did not let her hesitation slow him down. He walked over to her with purpose, as if he had every right to be there.

"I am sorry I took so long." He spoke softly as he easily walked in between them bringing his body close to Shepard's. His presence now invading the human male's personal space, forcing him to back up further away from them. He ignored Kaidan and handed Shepard the full glass of Champagne. Her gaze softened and she smiled softly when she finally realized what he was doing. "It took me a while to find the food you asked for."

Kolyat took a strawberry off the plate and held it up to her mouth. Her eyes widened a fraction, and he stared at her patiently for a moment, until she understood what he wanted her to do.

"Thank you." She said meekly. Opening her mouth for him to feed her. He slowly placed the red fruit on her tongue, his fingers grazing her red stained lips. Their eyes met and he suddenly felt a confusing pressure that tightened his chest. Her cheeks flushed a slight pink. She chewed slowly their eyes never leaving one another's. Kolyat grinned and popped one of the pieces into his own mouth.

He rested the plate on the balcony and snaked his hand around her hip pulling her against him. He could feel her whole body stiffen at his touch but thankfully didn't push him away. He trailed his lips softly up her cheek and whispered in her ear just loud enough for her to barely hear him.

"Play along."

Almost immediately, her body started to relax and she turned her face towards his. A soft smile played along her lips that were suddenly so near his own. She pushed herself flush against him, her soft curves pressed against his hardened muscles. It was the first time he had felt a human's body. Did they all feel this fragile?

"I missed you. I didn't mean to put you through so much trouble." Her breath held a hint of the champaign, but her skin smelled sweet. Kolyat had a sudden urge to sniff her scent deeply, but he decided to do something he had been wondering about for a long time. He brushed his fingers over her cheek, feeling the smoothness of her warm flesh. The delicate bones of her face. He playfully grasped her chin, bringing her eyes back up to look at him. The top of her head just reaching his lips.

"You can make it up to me later." He made sure to say it loud enough for the other male to hear. He watched the color of Shepard's eyes shift and grow darker, her cheeks growing warmer as the red flush deepened. Just like Drell's, he had learned in his time with C-Sec that humans cheeks would darken when they were embarrassed or mad. He never had an opportunity to really see it though, and his fingers on her face indicated that their temperatures went up also. Interesting. Maybe that last bit was him going too far?

His eyes flicked to the man they were entertaining. Kolyat could feel the humans rage like invisible waves off an oceans storm. His knuckles turning white as he gripped the wine glass and Kolyat secretly wished it would shatter in his hand.

"So, who's your friend?" He said uncaringly, eating another strawberry from their plate on the railing.

"I was just about to ask you the same thing." Kaidan all but snarled. Shepard looked at the other male and smiled smugly.

"I thought you said you heard the rumors? You tell me."

"Rumors?" Kolyat asked playing dumb. "What rumors?"

"Apparently I have a drell lover." Shepard stated casually, suddenly drinking from her glass of champagne a little too quickly. The movement caught Kolyat's attention and he took the glass from her with minimal complaint before she drained it completely.

"Is there something wrong with that?"

"I don't think so."

Kolyat made sure to meet Kaiden's eyes as he brought the glass to his lips and finished her champagne. He turned and stared into her eyes, suddenly frozen by the true green of them. She smiled at him and he couldn't help but smile back. He should have ended it there but her presence was effecting him in a way that he never felt before. His breath caught in his throat and the question left his lips before he could stop it.

"Why is that?" His voice was gravelly and deep, and he was only slightly aware of the human male shifting uncomfortably next to them, his presence fading into the background. The only thing that suddenly existed was the depth of her eyes. She lowered her gaze a moment, her hand reaching out to run up his chest. He could feel her warmth through his leathers, her existence like an aura of strength. She played with the zippers of his leather vest, and his chest constricted once more as their gazes met and her hand softly touched the frills at his neck. Kolyat had to control himself from dropping the wine glass and sighing into her touch as her fingers teased him. Here he thought he had gone too far. Leave it to her to take things even one step further. The worst of it was his primal instincts wished she would.

"Because…" Her voice was husky now and she licked her lips, so close to his own. Shit, he was starting to get turned on. "When I start screaming your name, no human could ever compare."

Kolyat suddenly had trouble swallowing, dread from his reaction to her causing panic to well up in him. This was his father's ex-lover. A woman who could have possibly been his mother, despite her age, if his father still lived. He could count the conversations he had with her on one hand. She was the Hero of the Citadel for fucks sake, and his body suddenly responded to her as if none of that mattered and she was some female he just met. Not good. Before he had any more time to dwell on the matter the black haired human suddenly scoffed in rage, bringing their attention back to him.

"Un- fuckin-believable. You have some nerve you know that? Just answer one question Shepard. How does it feel to betray the people who care about you?"

She suddenly sighed and pushed herself slightly away from Kolyat. When her eyes met Kaidan's, he was curious to the fact that they did not reflect the anger he knew she felt several minutes prior, only sadness.

"You would know the first thing about betrayal, wouldn't you?" Something passed between them briefly. Regret, unspoken words, and unfulfilled promises breaking away into silence. In that moment Kolyat realized that once they had been more than friends. What did he just get himself into? "Besides…who did I betray Kaidan. All my friends still care about me. I couldn't say the same about you."

Kolyat knew it was a low blow, meant to hurt and Kaidan reacted just as expected. He snarled in anger taking a step toward Shepard reaching his hand out to grab her. She immediately straightened defensively, ready for him to come at her, but Kolyat immediately pushed her back and jumped in between them. His reflexes were quicker than a humans, and before Kaiden could finish blinking, Kolyat had his gun out and jammed into his throat, right under his jaw. He narrowed his eyes, trying to control his outrage that this man would dare try to harm her. His voice came out dark and ominous.

"If you touch her, I will kill you."

Shepard blinked a few times in disbelief at the quick change of events. Even Kaidan hesitated a moment before getting a hold of himself. The human male glared at him with new found hatred.

"Who the hell do you think you are? I should have you arrested." Kolyat grinned and handed the empty wine glass to Shepard before reaching into his leather jacket to produce a silver C-Sec badge.

"I'd like to see that." He said smugly putting the badge back into his inner pocket and pressed the gun harder into Kaiden's neck, his thumb hit the safety and popped a sink into the chamber loading it. He knew he was being rougher then he needed to be, but he didn't care. The movement made the human stumble back a few paces, spilling his drink all over himself and cursing loudly. Kolyat kept the gun positioned on his head refusing to trust him. He kept his voice emotionless.

"I think it's time for you to leave. Before I have you arrested." Kaidan straightened himself, tugging on his jacket trying to regain his composure. Running a hand though his hair he smoothed it back and took a deep breath. When he looked back at Shepard his eyes softened a bit. His lips thinning out in a pained grimace as he sighed in defeat.

"I guess we're done Shepard."

Kolyat felt her approach him. Her hand running down his arm softly causing him to turn and look at her. Their eyes met and she smiled at him serenely, quiet understanding passing between them. Kolyat lowered the gun and let her step out before him. A woman who was not afraid to face her problems. So many could learn from her.

"I hope this was the closure you were looking for." Her voice was smooth and even. Kaidan searched her expression for a moment. Kolyat wasn't sure what he was hoping to find, but then again the situation wasn't exactly what he thought it actually was either.

"Yeah…I guess it was." Without a second look the other male turned and left, leaving silence to suddenly stretch between them. Kolyat stepped away from her, hitting the safety back on his gun and holstering it beneath his leather jacket. Their façade was no longer needed and he did not want an awkwardness to build between them. He moved back towards the balcony, resting his back against the railing. He picked up one of the remaining strawberries, ttossing it into his mouth. He crossed his arms over his chest and waited for her to take a moment. Gods knew he needed it himself.

He watched her quietly, his eyes trailing over her body. The fabric of her dress hugging her tightly in all the right places, the feel of her skin was still fresh in his mind. The soft delicate texture of her flesh lingered on his fingertips. He was still stunned by the way his body had reacted to her, and he forced himself to look away before his mind wandered somewhere even more inappropriate than how they had just acted.

She stared at the floor, lost in her own thoughts, until ever so slowly her eyes rose to meet his. The green of them captivated him once again, his pulse speeding up in response to the bottomless pool of emotions he couldn't quite decipher. Shifting uncomfortably, their attention was diverted as a human sever approached them and took Shepard's empty glass. She nodded her thanks and took another full glass bringing it immediately to her lips. Kolyat frowned when she sipped it and he waved the server off refusing one for himself.

"You really should slow down on those. That's your fifth or sixth one now, isn't it?" He knew his face was unhappy and his body language was more hostile than he meant it to be, but it seemed to not affect her in the slightest. Instead her eyes stayed on him, glittering mischievously.

"So, how long, exactly, have you been watching me?" Kolyat blinked deliberately steady, he had already given too much of himself away. He didn't answer her, but he didn't have to. She smiled and walked towards him, closing the distance again between them. When she was right beside him she rested her arms on the balcony railing and looked back out over the Citadel. She sighed and took another sip of her wine. "You look like you're doing well. You stayed with C-Sec," she paused. "That's good. I didn't think you would." Kolyat turned his body to mirror hers, glancing over at her periodically.

"I have to admit. I wasn't going to at first. I had plans of leaving the Citadel, getting as far away from this place as possible. But it gradually became my home." He looked out over the Citadel remembering, "Then when Captain Baily offered me a full time position, I accepted."

"You did it for yourself though, right? Not because someone expected it of you, or because it was the right thing to do, but because you genuinely wanted this for yourself. Trust me, you don't want to be the person who tries to live up to everyone's expectations."

It was the first time Kolyat had been asked that. He was shocked by what she said and even how she was saying it. He had never thought about that before. At first he had no choice, it was because of her that he was able to walk free from an assassination attempt and skirt away with only community service. He would have been stupid to run then, becoming a full-fledged fugitive when he had only just started his plans of becoming an assassin. After he served his sentence though, it had become a different story. It was true his father didn't want him following in his footsteps but at that time Kolyat was still unsure of how he wanted to proceed with his life.

C-Sec seemed to fulfill him in a way. It was slow progress and the work was grueling but he felt like he was making a difference. He even had some friends now and started to feel like he belonged. It was a complete reversal of who he formerly was. The tables had been turned and he was now the one being trained to find the people he originally so desperately wanted to become.

"You know…you're the first person to ever ask me if this was what I wanted. Everyone just assumed that I would stay. They never questioned my motives. Then again…only a handful of people know how I ended up there. To everyone I'm just a normal rookie."

"Are you a full-fledged officer now?"

"A few more weeks. I have my final exam next month, if everything goes well I will apply for Detective after."

"Really? Detective? I didn't think that was your kind of thing. I wish you luck though. You deserve to be happy."

Kolyat watched emotions swirl quickly over her face before they disappeared as her lips went back to the wine glass drinking heavily. Her tongue darting out to lick her bottom lip, her mouth was painted in a deep red. Suddenly she stood up tall, a sigh escaping her lips, her eyes never leaving the sparkling lights of the Citadel. The glow illuminated her hair and skin in ethereal shadow. The look in her eyes was far away, making him think that despite her presence beside him, her mind was on things that he could not reach. Did she realize how melancholy her aura felt? Kolyat searched his mind to keep the conversation alive. For some reason he didn't want to leave her just yet.

"So…you're an information broker now?" Shepard's lips twitched into a ghost of a smile, taking another sip of wine she stared down into her glass.

"I took over a friend's office when she decided…to expand her business. I figured it was a good opportunity for me. I needed work and she needed help." He was a little surprised that this was the type of work she was willing to do. How much had changed in the last year since he had seen her last? Did the Alliance really turn their back on her? He knew she was hiding a great many things, but it was not his place to ask.

"Kolyat…thank you. For what you did with Kaidan." Kolyat sucked his teeth as he thought back on the human male's actions towards her.

"That guy was an asshole. What was his problem anyway?" Something flashed quickly within her eyes and she finished her wine in a last deep sip. He could tell she was trying to decide on what to tell him.

"Kaidan and I were once together."

"Did my father come between you?" He knew it was a bold question but his curiosity got the better of him. Shepard snorted back a laugh. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes a little narrower. She turned and looked at him, her eyes catching the reflection of the Citadel lights, her irises sparkled playfully.

"Wouldn't that have been something? I bet if that was the case that conversation would have gone much worse. He probably would have attacked you, despite the fact that you had a gun to his neck. He only inquired about my Drell lover… why did you step in? I'm not saying I'm not grateful, but I didn't expect that…and your impeccable timing." She said that last bit teasingly knowing she had already caught him watched her.

Kolyat stayed silent as he thought about what to tell her. He had wondered that very same thing as well. He couldn't understand why he spent most of the night watching her from the shadows. Being captivated by her presence, observing her every move. When he saw that human male corner her and interrupt her solitude his body had acted on its own.

"I didn't want him touching you." He admitted plainly.

"So, you still think you're a tough guy huh?" She turned to take a step towards him, her eyes darkening with a look that confused him. Was she flirting with him? Before he had a chance to dwell further on that question, she suddenly stumbled on her heels the wine flute dropping from her fingers, and he quickly moved to catch her. He was faintly aware of the sound of breaking glass as his fingers curled around her shoulders, the heat of her skin a perfect contrast to his cool scales. She looked up at him silently. Her cheeks turning a lovely crimson with her embarrassment, but it was her eyes that held him entranced.

He should have let her go immediately. Help right her and move away, but something bade him to hold her tighter. Some unknown force keeping him rooted to the spot, his hands wrapped tightly around her arms. Her gentle pink flesh grew hotter under his fingertips. Their eyes remained transfixed and he felt her expression must mirror his own with surprise and uncertainty. She was now the one searching. He was almost certain that she could hear his hammering heartbeat. What the hell was going on?

Shepard pulled herself upright, relying her weight on him a little more than she should have. He knew the wine was starting to affect her. Her movements were more jerky and her cheeks became even more crimson hued. "Huh, I never knew that." She was staring into his eyes hard now and the discomfort of their closeness was starting to get to him. He pushed her away gently, making sure her footing was correct before he let her go. He coughed and smoothed his hand down his leather jacket. Curiosity getting the better of him once again.

"What didn't you know?"

"Your eyes are blue." She stepped forward closing the distance between them, her hand going to his sensitive frills to gently caress his cheek. She alarmed him and he jolted backward his hips hitting the railing hard, his heel kicking the metal forcing him to remain where he was. She didn't stop though as she closed the distance once more. Her hand trailed back to his cheek but this time he just stared at her, forcing himself not to react. He was confused by her actions now, but intrigued by her reasons for touching him in such an intimate way. Was it the liquor clouding her judgement, or did she simply not care about all the things that made this wrong.

"Your skin…" She started, her fingers trailing down the side of his face to his neck. He had to hold his breath to control a shiver that threatened to run through him. He wanted to groan and push his face into her palm harder. He suddenly felt ashamed by his reaction to her. Like she was one of the many women he picked up for his casual dalliances. He couldn't control his hands and before he knew it, his fingers were curled around her wrist, his other hand touched her waist hesitantly, thinking she would most likely push him away or perhaps even shoot him. Her hip was soft and he could feel the heat of her skin beneath the fabric, tight across her body. He trailed his hand up to her waist, his skin skimming across the satiny fabric, his gaze intently watching the bold trail his hand made over her body.

"It's not blue." She continued.

"What?" He asked in confusion bringing his mind back from the precipice of inappropriate thoughts.

"Your skin. I thought it was blue this whole time but it changes in the light. Green and teal and then to blue. It's actually quite beautiful."

Kolyat closed his eyes and sighed, laughing at the preposterousness of their conversation. "And I think you're actually quite drunk."

She snorted and laughed, her smile wide and toothy as she made a sound through her nose in delight, leaning against him and patting his chest as if he just said one of the funniest things she ever heard. She leaned heavily against him and he shook his head at the situation.

"You may be right." She giggled trying to hold in another laugh which only made her snort again. When the noise erupted through her nose, she laughed a little louder covering her lips with one of her hands eyeing him in embarrassment.

"Come on, let me take you home."

"I'm a big girl. I can get home myself." She said in denial immediately righting herself and pulling away from him but quickly swaying on her feet from the sudden movement. Kolyat's grip on her tightened as he helped stand her up straight.

"And you're full of shit. Let me take you home."

Her eyes became serious as she regarded him. "You know, most people are too scared to talk to me that way."

"It must be refreshing then to have someone treat you as the rest of us."

Shepard was quiet a moment as his words sunk in. He knew he was being rude and expected her anger, but her reaction surprised him. She snorted again and laughed her eyes growing softer as she stared at him.

"Actually, it kind of is." He quirked an eye ridge at her as she smiled and grabbed his hand roughly pulling him forward. "All right, I'll grace you with my presence a little while longer."

Shepard turned quickly to leave, pulling him along behind her, immediately losing her footing once again. She cursed loudly and grabbed his arms as they wrapped around her waist instinctively to steady her.

"I really hate heels over four inches."

"You don't seem to be very steady on them after a few drinks."

"I'm actually not quite steady on them even sober. I think I spent the whole night panicking in my head hoping that I didn't fall flat on my ass in front of everyone tonight."

"I must admit I always wondered the sort of things that went through the Legendary Commander Shepard's head." Shepard laughed softly and held Kolyat's hand as she balanced herself and kicked her feet out of her shoes, placing her bare feet upon the floor.

"Other than thinking of the best way to shoot myself out of any room, I think falling on my ass about wraps up my thought train." Picking up her shoes by the straps she tossed them at Kolyat who grasped at them in surprise, doing his best not to have them tumble to the floor. She grasped his hand roughly in hers once again as he gained his hold over her footwear, and proceeded to pull him behind her, rushing through the crowded party. He was a little alarmed at how carefree and liberal she was being with him but he was so intrigued by her actions he decided to just go with it.

Shepard blew a kiss to Kaidan and waved as she spotted him by the bar, his expression turning dark. Kolyat did his best to act as if her mannerisms were the most natural thing in the world as they made their way out the front entrance and into the night of the Presidium. When they were several yards away she released him and stretched her arms out widely, taking in a deep breath.

"Man, does the air seem ten time's lighter out here?"

"You do seem more at ease now." Kolyat said softly, walking past her towards the taxi station. Her shoes dangling from his fingertips. He caught her grinning at him from the corner of his eyes, feeling her keep up with him as he approached the terminal.

"Still plan on taking me home?"

"I said I would."

Shepard leaned against the railing and grinned at him broadly her fingers reaching out towards him as he hit the call button his gaze met hers just as her fingertips grazed his frills. He stood their frozen, watching her expression become dissolute his own curiosity of her actions making his body incredibly aware of her presence.

"Aren't you just the sweetest thing?" She suddenly gushed as she playfully and very gently slapped his cheek. He felt his frills begin to engorge as his body accepted her touch as foreplay. Holy fuck, what is the matter with me? He panicked now, unsure if the look she gave him for a split second earlier was of lust or teasing. He hated being this indecisive with women. He was either going to fuck them or he didn't even bother with them, unless he was working. This was a whole new territory and he didn't like it at all. If she was any other woman, any other woman than Commander fucking Shepard, he probably would have been taking her back to her place for a very different and extremely dirty reason. Stop thinking about that, she was your father's lover.

The taxi arrived just as his thoughts turned truly sinful, he tried not to look at her, concerned that his eyes might linger longer than what was considered polite. He opened the door for her and ushered her inside and he couldn't help from wondering why her touch kept lingering. She grabbed his arm to steady herself her movements a little too fluid because of the liquor. When he was seated beside her, he waited for her to input the address on the small monitor in front of her, quickly waving his omnitool for his card to accept the charges. She gave him a look of disbelief.

"You didn't have to pay for me."

"I told you already that I would take you home. I think that entitles me to pay."

"I thought you would think taking me home entitled you to something else." She said quietly looking out the window as the car fluidly moved upward and into the travel lane. Kolyat blinked back his astonishment from her words, unsure of how he should interpret what she said. His throat constricted and he found himself shifting uncomfortably beside her.

"Where do you live anyway?" He asked softly doing whatever it took to ease the awkward atmosphere He was thankful that the inside of the car was cast mostly in shadow, making it hard to see the darkening of his frills.

"The Gemini Towers." Kolyat had heard of that development. Two towers that stood near the center of the inner circle of the Presidium, usually reserved for high class society and politicians. One apartment was worth more than he would make in his entire life working for C-Sec. He glanced toward her, eyeing her dress inquisitively. Watching the fabric flow and shift as she crossed one of her legs over the other, chin resting on her hand. He remembered the softness of her dress when he had touched her hip. The smooth, gentle feel of it as his hand glided over her body. Was the dress made of silk? He rubbed his fingers over her shoes, soft material and small diamonds covering the straps on the toes. Those weren't real, were they? She said she was an information broker and a sinking feeling in his stomach began to stir. She had told Kaiden she was no longer part of the Alliance and her Specter status had been revoked. How was she able to afford such luxuries? Perhaps she really was skirting the law now.

"What exactly were you doing at the C-Sec ball, Shepard?"

Shepard stayed quiet as she continued to stare out the window. He was about to ask her again wondering if perhaps she didn't hear him when she turned her gaze toward him and smiled broadly. Shepard leaned towards him her hand touching his chest, fingers playing with the silver zipper of his leathers. Kolyat sat up straighter, his body growing rigid as her hand moved to squeeze his knee, one of her fingers running over his leather pants. Her eyes grew hooded and she looked up at him through thick black lashes.

"I was trying to bring someone home with me to warm my bed." Kolyat frowned at her, realizing immediately that she was trying to use seduction to avoid the question. Two could play at that game. Kolyat shifted in his seat, boldly running a thumb over her cheek until he cupped her face in his palm. He could see her eyes widen in surprise and uncertainty. His voice came out colder than he meant it to be, anger starting to grip his chest.

"Is that an invitation?" He gazed at her in determination refusing to back down from her game. He grasped her neck and pulled her closer to him, his lips just shy from hers. He wondered how far she would let him go. Would she allow him to kiss her? Kolyat had to admit he had always been curious about her relationship with his father. What it was like to become intimate with a human. He never could bring himself to look at humans in that way though, but for some reason he could with her. Just when he was about to say something else, the cab stopped and the doors opened. He released her almost reluctantly.

"I guess we're here." Kolyat ignored the look of disbelief on her face as he exited the cab and held out his hand for her. She took it gingerly, pulling herself from the vehicle and letting him go almost immediately. He kept his grin hidden, proud of himself from making her loose her composure. She walked past him, her bare feet making her eyes barely reach his shoulders. He never realized she was so much smaller than she let on. He supposed her reputation and presence made her seem so much larger.

They made their way into the lobby, the double glass doors sliding open as soon as they approached. The interior of the building was perfectly lit. Huge patches of exotic plants and flowers displayed along the perimeter of the large entrance, most of which Kolyat had never seen before. Double cushioned sofas and lavish décor lay around sporadically, exuding an air of extravagant wealth and comfort. He followed behind her closely noticing the sway in her footsteps, the flush evident in her skin from all the wine. A tan skinned Salarian sat behind a large reception desk, different security monitors peeking over the sides of the counter. He stood and nodded in greeting as Shepard approached him. She smiled and waved, his attention going from her towards Kolyat curiously.

"Good Evening Ms. Shepard."

"Hi, Jerrod. How is everything? Did the negotiations go well?"

"They did, my family is just competing with one other now. We will know what has been decided in a few more days."

"That's good. If it works out name one of your daughters after me okay?"

"It would be an honor."

Shepard said her goodbyes and made her way over towards the elevators. Kolyat could feel the Salarians red eyes following him glancing at her bare feet to the shoes hanging from his hand. He knew their race had photographic memory and knew every detail was being saved for later use if the need presented itself. When the doors of the elevator closed behind them Shepard leaned against the wall and avoided his stare.

"What kind of negotiations is he in the process of?" Kolyat asked trying to keep the air light between them.

"A mating contract."

"I don't know much about Salarians. I don't work or speak with them too often. Is their bonding arranged?"

"Not exactly. They don't marry like Humans or Drells. Once a year the females of their race will lay a handful of eggs. The families then decide with negotiations, money, favors, so forth who will get to fertilize the eggs and join their clan. They try to strengthen the family ties. Usually the ones who have more influence win the negotiations."

"Salarians never have sex?" Kolyat blinked at her his face most likely displaying the horror that he felt. No wonder the ones he met were so uptight. Shepard started laughing as she watched his reaction. She covered her mouth to calm herself down as the doors opened and she made her way down the corridor and into another huge lobby area. A huge Penthouse Suite sign was engraved upon the wall. Kolyat stared at the sign not realizing that she had hit the Penthouse button on the elevator. He looked up to admire the huge crystal chandelier hanging from the center ceiling.

"There's only two apartments on this floor. My neighbor is a lawyer, he's almost never home and when he is, he's never alone. One time I saw five women coming out of his apartment all sprouting that 'just fucked' look."

"Is he human?"

"Yeah, that's why it's a little surprising. Fully satisfying one woman is a lot of work, I couldn't even contemplate five."

Kolyat snickered from her words but agreed with what she said. He couldn't even imagine fucking five women, he barely fucked a single one more than twice, never sticking around long enough to keep going. He never considered anyone worth his time.

When they approached her door he watched her hesitate as her hand stopped right before putting in her security code. Maybe that was his cue to go? He said her name softly making her turn towards him fully intending to just hand her the shoes and leave, but her expression made him pause. She was staring up at him expectantly. A plethora of different emotions and thoughts swarming over her features. Was he reading this right? Was she trying to decide if she wanted to invite him in? Kolyat didn't trust himself not to try something and everything about this just screamed inappropriate. He saw how she was at the party, how distant and completely disconsolate the air around her seemed. The emptiness in her eyes, hidden as soon as someone came into her vicinity. She was still mourning his father, he knew it in his gut. Perhaps she viewed him as a replacement.

Kolyat leaned into her gauging her reaction as he placed his hand against the wall, leaning his weight upon it. Closing the distance between them. He stared down at her, his gaze intense as he tried to read her. She leaned back against the wall, her eyes meeting his in unwavering patience. He dropped her shoes to the floor, the loud clack against the marble floor almost deafening. He grabbed her hand, carefully assessing whether she would pull away or not. His thumb caressed the top of her hand, tracing the soft flesh over her delicate bones. His eyes never left hers.

"Tell me what you're thinking." She requested huskily, her voice barely above a whisper. He could smell the sweetness of her breath as he leaned a little closer. His knee brushing against her leg.

"I'm trying to read the situation. I am trying to figure out what it is you want from me."

"I know about your reputation with women." She all but blurted out. Kolyat narrowed his eyes at her, suspicious but intrigued by where her thoughts were headed. Had she been keeping tabs on him this past year? Was she about to criticize his lifestyle? "I'm not judging you…I'm just curious about it." She voiced as if sensing his concerns. Kolyat kept his expression neutral his thumb caressing the inside of her wrist.

"Tell me what you're curious about." He replied gently watching a shiver pass over her body, her breaths becoming more labored. Her eyes searched his, he could tell she was battling her own doubts about what was happening in this moment between them.

"I'm curious if…if I was anyone else besides Commander Shepard… would you be kissing me right now?"

He grasped her wrist gently, guiding it above her head, being careful not to over exert his strength upon her and bruise the skin. He placed his other hand against the wall to keep himself balanced as he leaned his body almost completely against hers, keeping just a few inches between them. Kolyat dipped his head down to the crook of her neck breathing the sweet musky smell of her into him deeply. His stomach tightened in anticipation and he felt himself grow hard as he thought about the rest of her body being as soft as what he had already touched. He heard her breath catch in her throat, his lips trailed over the curve of her neck, his own breath ghosting over her skin. He had a sudden urge to lick her, wanting to feel her pulse and see if it was hammering as wildly as his. Bringing his lips to the gentle curve of her ear he whispered to her confidently.

"I wouldn't only be kissing you, I'd be fucking you right now."

"You sound so sure of yourself." Her voice was breathy and he grinned as the crimson hue darkened over her cheeks.

"Just confident. I was once told that women like that."

He pulled back to look into her eyes and watched as they darkened and dilated. He watched her tongue dart out to lick her lips, the pink appendage moistening her ruby stained lips making them glisten in an almost begging manner. He wanted more than anything to see if she tasted as good as she smelled.

 _Fuck it, if she shoots me, so be it._

He closed his eyes and guided his lips over hers tracing the outline of them with his, savoring this last moment before possession, giving her the last opportunity to say no. He glanced into her eyes once more, her lips were half parted her breathing labored. He felt her free hand reach underneath his jacket, grazing the muscle over his hip. Without any further hesitation he covered her mouth with his. He reveled in the feel of her, noticing how her lips were exactly how he imagined them to be, supple and soft, yet able to return his kiss with firm demanding. He kissed her hard, feeling her teeth graze his bottom lip nibbling to show she would grant him access if he asked it, and he was about to fucking demand it.

He released her wrist and pushed himself off the wall, pulling away a moment to adjust his position. He grasped her hips roughly, leaning his body fully against hers now. He felt her hands wrap around the back of his neck, sending his mouth crashing back to down to hers. This time the kiss was fierce and consuming, her skin was growing hotter and he could feel the intense heat while he circled his hands around her tiny waist to dip down to the curve of her lower back. One hand dropped to the mound of her ass, the other grazed something hard. Kolyat pulled his lips away, about to ask what he was touching but Shepard's voice cut him off.

"One of my guns." She said breathlessly her tongue darting out to give the frills at the base of his throat a quick lick. He wanted to laugh, of course she was armed, but instead he shuddered in pleasure grinding his hips harder against knew that she could feel his arousal straining against her stomach. He never believed a human could turn him on to the point of how he felt in this moment. He wanted her, there was no denying it, but first he really wanted her to open to him.

He ground his body against hers once more making a groan of approval part her lips. He took the opportunity and devoured her mouth, his tongue brushing against hers demanding everything she could give him. His own groans of primal need vibrating from his throat from the new sensations he experienced. Unlike Drell or Asari, her tongue was moist and warm, only slightly coarse on the top, molding to him as he explored her sweet exquisite taste. _Goddess of Oceans is it possible that her whole body will adapt around me?_ He could already feel it in the way her body adjusted to his, fitting against him perfectly. His mind spun on the possibilities of what it would feel like to take her.

"You should invite me in." He exhaled coaxingly between kisses letting her know that he would gladly make her moan all night if that was what she wished. Kolyat pulled his lips from hers to lick the side of her throat up to the base of her ear. He nibbled it carefully unsure if that would be considered pleasurable for a human since Asari and Drells didn't have the extra appendage. She moaned as he bit her harder encouraging him on, her hands dropping to grab the front of his leathers holding him to her. He dipped his tongue into the small opening his breath caressing the cartilage, he glanced at the thick dark strands of her hair. Wondering what it felt like, expecting it to be as soft as the rest of her.

"Shepard, let's go inside."

"I…I don't think we should." She stammered trying to voice her denial but he could tell her resolve was failing. He bit her ear again causing her to hiss in arousal, his lips trailed over her jaw as he ground his hardened member against her stomach causing a sweet friction to build within him.

"Why not? If you want, you can pretend I'm him. I'll even let you call me by his name if you prefer." Kolyat knew the moment he fucked up. Her whole body grew rigid and she pushed him with all her strength. He stumbled back caught off guard and when he looked towards her in question the pain that erupted over his cheek left him dazed and confused. He blinked past the pain and looked at her. The anger on her face a stark contrast to the look of pleasure only a moment earlier. Her hand was still in the end position of slapping him and her fingers curled into fists, biotic power pouring to the surface as her arms started to shake in rage.

"What would even make you believe that, _that_ is what I would want?"

Kolyat righted himself and gritted his teeth as his own animosity rose to the surface. He glared at her his voice coming out low and cruel.

"Isn't it? The way your body reacted to me this whole evening is proof enough. You see my father." He all but spat. Shepard gasped, pain flicking across her face briefly and then…pity, before it disappeared and her eyes hardened.

"I think you should leave."

Kolyat scoffed at her callously, narrowing his eyes at her he grasped the edges of his collar and righted the leathers that she had previously crumpled looking her up and down. Thinking he should have never even laid eyes on her this evening.

"Yeah, I kind of got that impression." He said dismissively turning to make his way back towards the elevator. Just as it opened and he got inside he heard her voice call out one last time.

"For the record Kolyat, I was kissing you. Not Thane."

His eyes widened from her revelation just as the doors closed before him. The shock of what she said making his heart speed up and hammer wildly against his ribs. For the second time in his life, this human woman had made him feel ashamed.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

 _The skies are the darkest I've ever seen them. The deep purple growing black as an incoming storm approaches from the horizon. The clouds thick and impenetrable. It always rains on Kahje. A wheeze escapes my throat. Lungs start to constrict and burn, the moisture making me cough, my breathing turns heavy. The water weighs her hair down. Color slowly darkening. Vibrant red hues turning into the color of blood and blackness. It sticks to her shoulders, plastering to her face. The tendrils curling past her collar bone._

 _The first time seeing a Human's hair wet. Does the texture change? She walks silently beside me. The yellow and orange robes to cling to our bodies, the wind flapping the material behind us in loud wet sounds. Her feet keep stride with mine, the gentle ringing of the bells tied around our ankles soft and somber as we walk keeping in tune with the mournful songs of the accompanying Hanar._

 _Body laid upon a wooden slab. Wrapped in sea vines. Weighted with stones. Four Hanar carry him to the water's edge, signaling the progression has come to its conclusion. The songs grow louder. The striking melody drowning out in the rising thunder from the distance, 'this one's fire is extinguished to be rekindled anew". His body slowly slides into the water. Two Hanar break off, lifting the fabric and metal from the slab that lay folded by his head. The iridescent tentacles reaching out to hand me his leather jacket._

 _I glance at the Commander her face is unreadable. The Hikari is handed to her. The weight of it dropping into her hands, fingers clasping roughly against the dull metal. Skin turning white from the strength of her grasp. She follows. I start to protest but stay quiet. Curiosity holds my tongue._

 _His body is pulled further into the water. Her ankles now completely submerged. The dark ripples flow around her. She doesn't stop. Her waist is completely immersed and his body is out of sight. Tears stream down her face. Her lips tremble. I hear her whisper. Her words mournful, full of anguish._

 _'Thank you Irikah. Thank you for letting me have him for this short time…I kept my promise and returned him to you. I watched over him the best I could, loved him with all my heart. ' Sobs escape her throat. Tears falling harder, unrelenting. She kisses the Hikari, pulls her face up towards the sky. Her eyes now closed. The rain falls faster, mixing with the moisture over her face. Chest tightens, breathing constricted as I watch her. Tears burning my eyes. 'Thane…wait for me across the sea'._

 _She is there a long time. Silent. Unmoving. I want to leave. Tradition forbids me to go without her. I start to choke. I can't breathe. Taking deeper breaths I force my lungs to control it. My body is uncomfortable and cold. I stare down at the leathers in my hand, cool fluid material smooth in my grasp. She approached me suddenly. Glancing at me as she passes. I never heard her leave the water. Her eyes hold me transfixed. The pure green of them endless. I am held in awe. The eyes of Commander Shepard, but her soul is now gone._

Kolyat blinked in the darkness his eyes adjusting to the dim lighting as he came from his memory. He was laying on his bed, one hand on his chest the other behind his head, tucked beneath his pillow. Kolyat had relived that memory countless times. It was painful at first, remembering every detail of his father's funeral, but in time it had become a good memory. The moment of clarity as he realized what the Commander had truly meant to his father and what he had meant to her. In the little time that he had spent with his father trying to reconcile the past, he never really asked about his relationship with the Human woman. He knew they were seeing each other, but did not inquire over the details or why he even choose a Human of all things.

He had seen them together once, walking in one of the wards, they didn't realize he was there. He saw the happiness on his father's face, wearing an expression of peace and contentment. A look he never once exhibited when they were together. Her fingers touched his frills and he kissed the pulse on her wrist, an intimate Drell gesture. Before their lips even met, it had already dawned on him the full extent of the name he had given her. Siha, one of Arashu's guardian angels. A name not given lightly. He was angry at first, not understanding why he would give a Human the same name that he gave his mother. Angry that he had perhaps just looked for a replacement, but seeing his expression changed everything, knowing it was Commander Shepard, the Hero of the Citadel had helped.

 _'I know about the two of you, no need to deny it.' Father clasped his hands together resting his elbows upon the table his expression remaining stoic. 'Are you angry with me?' I look away from him remaining silent. 'I was.' I admit plainly. 'But you are no longer?' He asks immediately. I can feel his eyes burning into me. I shift uncomfortably. The hard metal chair digging into my skin. The intensity in his eyes making my scales prickle in discomfort. 'How does she make you feel?' He pauses as he thinks. My question unexpected. He thinks I'm looking for a fight. 'She makes me feel alive.' My chest tightens as I see the happiness in his eyes. The love for a woman I have barely met. I scoff at him quietly, crossing my arms over my chest, 'I guess my opinion doesn't really matter than.'_

He groaned and rubbed his face roughly for which seemed like the hundredth time. Coming out of another memory, mind a complete mess. _I really fucked up._ He thought thinking about Shepard once more. His cheek still hurt but it was a pain he deserved. It was a lot less than the punch she gave him the first time they met. He would have never expected what happened to go so far. Never thought the night would end the way it did. Never thought that he might have actually fucked her if he didn't end up saying something stupid. His father's past lover. He had only been thirty eight when he passed, and yet he was still fourteen years older than Shepard and she was three years older than him. Perhaps things would have been different if she had met him first. Wait…what the hell was he thinking?

He sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. He had once blamed his father for looking for a way out of mourning his mother. Kolyat had been so angry, grasping at anything and everything to throw at his father to make him feel the guilt for leaving them and not being their when his mother had died. It was is fault after all. He knew it was a low blow. After he had calmed down and was told of his 'community service', he just wanted his father to hurt. He didn't care, he barely knew who he was anyway. He suddenly thought the same thing about Shepard and now he felt sick to his stomach. Did he want to hurt her?

A year had just past since his father's passing. She had loved him, he knew that she did. Then what had suddenly happened between them? Kolyat could feel her attraction to him and he could feel it with her, but why? He had always been intrigued by her, maybe he was more curious about his father's attraction to her. Did he just want to experience what his father had experienced or was their more to it? He knew it wasn't right for him to desire her, but…

 _I pulled away adjusting my position, the soft supple feel of her hot and inviting. Grasping her hips roughly I jerk them against my growing erection. My fingers mold into her skin, the gentle flesh accepting my touch. She shudders, a low guttural groan emitting from half parted lips, angelic and arousing, more intoxicating than the wine. The sounds are euphoric guiding me on. I can feel her trembling against me, her heady scent of arousal blanketing the air, sweet and heavy. I push against her harder, the leathers straining against my skin becoming uncomfortable. Compulsion overdrives me, I need to taste her. Her mouth is scorching and flawless. The lingering taste of Champagne and Wine a subtle hint of something amazing, something that could just be her. Vanilla and some kind of foreign spice. My mouth begins to water. Her moans of arousal grow stronger I can smell her desire for me growing. The scent intoxicating and pleasing, I wonder what it would be like to taste something that smelled so alluring._

Kolyat groaned in aggravation rubbing his face yet again, turning on his side upon his bed. His member throbbing in arousal. He had never been so turned on in his entire life and he was angry that it was Shepard making him feel this way. _My father's ex-fucking –lover!_ _Shit!_ _Commander fucking Shepard for Goddess's sake!_ Her taste, it had been like nothing he ever experienced. How do you describe the most exquisite thing you have ever tasted? Was this how it was with all humans? No wonder his father had been so entranced by her and now it had him questioning why he never glanced at one before.

The pulsing of his shaft was becoming almost painful and he moaned as he cupped himself, feeling the bulge through his tight leathers. He grit his teeth and opened his pants dipping his hand beneath the material freeing himself from the tight confines. He stroked himself roughly, his fingers pressing against the frills on the base of his thick member. He arched his back and rested his head back against his pillow trying to clear his mind. His fingers tightening as he reached the tip, his natural lubrication starting to seep through the engorged sensitive skin.

 _She shudders, a low guttural groan emitting from half parted lips, angelic and arousing, more intoxicating than the wine. The sounds are euphoric guiding me on. I can feel her trembling against me, her heady scent of arousal blanketing the air, sweet and heavy._

Kolyat pumped himself harder but stopped suddenly exhaling loudly. He sat up and threw his legs over the edge of the bed rubbing his face in irritation once more. Rubbing the back of his neck in frustration. This was ridiculous, he was about to jerk off to Shepard and felt disgusted with himself.

 _'If you want, you can pretend I'm him. I'll even let you call me by his name if you prefer.' The words left my mouth before I could stop them. My body jerked back immediately, pushed by some great force. Dazed I look up, searing pain flashing across my already engorged and sensitive frills. Her eyes burn into me, the wrath of a Goddess, fury and judgement peering back within emerald jewels._

 _'For the record Kolyat, I was kissing you. Not Thane.' Surprise and horror grip my chest from what I had said. Shame making my heartbeat hammer against my chest._

Kolyat snapped himself back from the memory. He had no right to judge her, he didn't even know what had made him say that to her. He had really thought the only reason she had even acted that way towards him, flirting and giving subtle hints was because he reminded her of Thane. When he kissed her maybe he was trying to think of any reason why she would actually be accepting his attention than anyone else she could probably have. She could get any man she wanted, any species she desired. He had watched her ignore every single one who showed interest. Why did she allow him to kiss her?

His Omnitool beeped suddenly an incoming call indicating itself across the screen. He hit accept and he could hear the pulsating beat of club music immediately vibrating in the background.

"Kolyat man, where are you? You disappeared from the C-Sec Ball. I thought we were all going to Purgatory after."

"Yeah, sorry, something came up."

"Everything all right? You still coming? We've got a few girls here ready for some "alone time". Just waiting on you man." Kolyat remained quiet for a moment trying to think if he should go. "Kolyat? You there man?"

"Yeah…yeah I'll be there shortly."

"Great, I'll tell the girls we got one more joining the party. See you soon. We got a private room downstairs in the back."

Kolyat ended the call and leaned back against his bed staring at the ceiling trying his best not to think about the earlier events of the evening. Perhaps he just needed a distraction, a good fuck and a really, really, strong drink _. Fuck Shepard_ , he had better things to waste his thoughts on. He stood up, adjusted his pants and grabbed his leather jacket. It was time to get wasted.

* * *

Shepard was furious. She stormed into her apartment and threw her shoes down the stairs into the seating area. The black satin and diamond encrusted heels bouncing off the couch and onto the floor with a loud thud. _What the fuck!_ She briskly walked to the far side of the living room in front of her floor to ceiling windows where a bar sat ready for her rampage. Pouring a glass of wine she gulped it greedily, downing the whole glass in frantic deep gulps. She had a tempting thought to suddenly chug the bottle. Her heart was still hammering in her chest and after the wine she could still taste Kolyat in her mouth. _Why did he taste so good?_ _Why didn't she try to stop him? Better yet, why did she flirt with him to begin with?_ She still couldn't believing that only a few moments prior she had almost been more than willing to let him screw her in the hallway. Had been on the verge of almost begging him to do it. _But why?_

She sighed in aggravation slamming the cup heavily down on the bar shattering it accidentally. Cursing loudly and sucking her teeth she went toward thr kitchen to a small cabinet that held her broom and dustpan. As she made her way around the large sitting area she wobbled in her steps, dizziness and arousal flowing so forcefully through her body she was almost knocked off her feet, making her drop what she held and shiver uncontrollably _._ Shepard could feel the goosebumps of lust puckering over her skin. She stared at the floor, hands balled into fists, breaths coming out labored and loud.

Pressing her thighs together uncomfortably she was suddenly aware of everything around her. The silk against her over sensitive skin, the rough lace of her bra tightening against her hard nipples, the wetness pooling between her legs. The last time she had been this turned on was with- _Crap, the venom._ She turned quickly and made her way down the long hallway until she reached the master bedroom. Not even bothering with the light, she went right to her bedside table and yanked the drawer open. Searching frantically she pushed her gun aside and rummaged until she found a small vial.

Popping off the lid she sat on her bed and stared down at the tiny blue pill on her palm. A wave of sadness flowed over her and she sighed remembering the last day that she had to take it, a few days before Thane had passed. She forced the pain away and threw it in her mouth swallowing it like second nature. She sighed and stood up, quickly dropping her dress to the floor. Her hidden gun hitting the ground with a loud thud, before she fell back heavily onto her Calli King Bed. She was too drunk and too pissed to even care about the expensive fabric now crumpled up in a ball on her carpet.

Her skin felt incredibly hot and the ache between her legs was almost unbearable. Shepard closed her eyes and ever so slowly she moved her hand down her body, slipping it below her lace panties and against her dripping core. A wave of pleasure ran through her and immediately she sat up, puffed her cheeks in anger and let out a long breath to calm herself. _No way am I about to masturbate to Thane's son!_ She groaned as another wave of arousal ran through her. She prayed that the pill would take effect soon and ease the discomfort. It was one thing to kiss a Drell but she had licked him without even thinking, and without fucking him, the venom was incredibly potent when long periods of absence occurred. More than a year had passed since she had stopped taking the counter meds and her tolerance to Drell skin was extremely low.

Shepard turned on her side and slipped herself below the covers grabbing one of her satin pillows and clutching it against her body. She needed to wrap her head around what had happened this evening. Why did she even goad him on? In the beginning she was genuinely happy to see him. Surprised but happy. The last time she had seen him was at Thane's funeral and before that, other than their first encounter, maybe twice more. Never being in each other's company more than a few moments. This was the first time she had actually spoken to him and honestly she was surprised on how natural and calming it was.

She was surprised how easily he was able to touch her and after six glasses of champagne and wine she even wanted to tease him. By the time she stumbled and he caught her, she had actually forgotten that he was Thane's son and not some random stranger. _And that makes it any better?_ She was such an idiot, she should have never allowed him to take her home. The truth was though she had been watching his progress after she saw him last. Shepard already knew that he had decided to stay with C-Sec despite playing dumb and questioning him, although she never knew the actual reason why. After his 'community service' which was disguised as a C-Sec internship, he had breezed past cadet training and been accepted into the rookie program. She even knew that he had already passed his physical and weapon tests and was just about to take his written final exam in a few short weeks to become a full-fledged officer. She didn't know that he had hopes of applying for the detective exam soon after though. If she had doubts about how sharp he was, those thoughts were squashed as soon as she saw him staring at her dress and shoes. She could almost see it on his face, how everything was clicking into place and that she had not actually been there to support C-Sec. Her only thought was to distract him and flirt, thinking that it would just make him nervous, but again he quickly saw through her and tried to turn the tables on her instead. Using his own seduction in turn.

The truth was she should have never lingered. She would never have been in that situation to begin with. Kaidan short of cursing her out, calling her a whore and then her tongue ending up down Kolyat's throat. She was there to exchange information with another agent of Liara's and leave, nothing more. Why did she stay? The truth was, which she didn't want to admit, was that she felt lonely. As more time past she could feel herself becoming more and more detached from the world. A shadow of her former self. She thought perhaps if she was around people, perhaps the feeling would go away. She knew when someone had showed interest in her, even knew that perhaps it was time to move on, but nothing inside her could force desire to surface when around anyone. She still loved Thane. That would never change.

Then by some sick twisted joke from God, she could feel her whole body come alive the first moment Kolyat snaked his hand around her waist and pulled her against him. By why? Why him of everyone else on the fucking Citadel? _Because he's Thane's son._ No, that couldn't be true. _Because he reminds you of Thane._ No, that wasn't true either, or was it? Kolyat barely looked like Thane and even though Thane was really tall, Kolyat was even taller and a little bulkier in the shoulders. His personality was nothing like his father. He was brash and vocal, quick to speak his mind and even sharper with what he said, sometimes being cruel and harsh. Actually Thane could be pretty harsh too when he was trying to get his point across. His words cracking like a whip, sharp and painful when needed. She found out Kolyat was big on one night stands though and a frequent club hopper, although he never let any of that interfere with his job. He even had a girlfriend for a time but it ended after a few months, although she didn't know the details.

' _The way your body reacted to me this whole evening is proof enough. You see my father.'_ Those words had hit her hard and she started wondering about the truth of them, but she also saw how Kolyat viewed himself. Like the only thing he was good for was a one night stand. She was so angry but it also made her see that perhaps she wasn't the only one hurting. When he had made the move to kiss her she knew she should have stopped it. The inappropriateness of the whole situation sending red sirens coursing through her brain. Then suddenly her mind had went blank and the only thing she felt, tasted and saw, was Kolyat. For that single moment she just saw him as a man with no past attachment.

Then he had said the worst thing possible and it made her feel like the scum of the galaxy. Actually no, Kolyat should feel like the scum of the fucking universe for saying what he said to her. What would even make him think like that? At first she thought he was just humoring her with the playful flirting, she just wanted to see if she could make him feel uncomfortable, but when he had gotten serious and short of devoured her, feeling his erection press into her, everything in her brain had shifted. It had been forever since she had been that turned on and that was before the venom in his skin had even affected her.

 _Shit, but he's Thane's son._ Shepard groaned in aggravation and thought that perhaps their falling out was for the best. Most likely he would avoid her in the future and honestly she believed it was better for them both if it remained that way. Although part of her thought if she did see him again she was going to shoot him for being such an asshole and assuming the worst. She didn't want to admit it but it was horribly true, in that single moment that he had kissed her, all the pain, all the sadness, all the loneliness and utter emptiness had disappeared when she kissed him back. _That shouldn't have happened._ Shepard moaned again as another wave went through her making her wrap her arms tighter around her pillow pulling it flush against her body. She had to make damn well sure that this didn't happen again.

* * *

Kolyat eyed the human curiously watching the way she moved her hips, the way she dipped her body and spun. He arrived at Purgatory shortly after he spoke to his co-worker, joining their private party in a downstairs room. He grabbed a drink almost immediately, taking heavy pulls until it was half way gone. He was about to approach one of the Asari girls on the dance floor but a Human had caught his attention instead. He took another gulp of his drink staring as she danced. Her arms flowed and her hips circled suggestively. Were Humans flexible? Could he bend their bodies better than an Asari? As if sensing his stare she suddenly glanced over. At first he wanted to look away, never before wishing to gain the attention of a Human, but curiosity forced his eyes to stay on hers, wondering if his body would react to her the same way it did Shepard.

Slowly a smile spread over her dark brown lips, interest sparkling within deep brown eyes covered in too much dark makeup. She was smaller and skinnier than he would have liked but then again he supposed it was all the same. All the women he ever met in places like these were only good for one thing anyway. He ran his eyes over her body, knowing this exchange a little too well. Any minute now she would come over to him and almost on cue she walked from the dance floor and approached him, swaying her hips a little too liberally.

"Hey there handsome, feel like buying me a drink?" The girl grinned up at him placing a hand on his chest boldly glancing down his body and back up giving him a once over. Her eyes were half hooded in lustful longing. Kolyat forced himself not to move, his instincts automatically wanting to shove her from his body. Her hand was clammy and cold and she smelled like cheap perfume, nothing like how he expected.

"You sure it's a drink you want?" He said roughly taking another sip from his glass. The girl grabbed the drink from his hand and drank the rest of it before handing the empty cup back to him. Kolyat snickered and placed it on the bar, making his annoyance clear as he glanced back at her.

"You're probably right. I should stay a little sober to keep up with the things I want to do to you." Kolyat narrowed his eyes at her unsure of how he wanted to proceed with what he knew she was offering. He felt no attraction towards her and was even more confused about his body and the fierce hunger he exhibited earlier in the evening with Shepard now. Maybe he just needed to touch her first, maybe he needed another drink.

"How about a test run first?" He said suddenly grabbing her wrist off his chest and yanking her through the bar behind him. She blinked in surprise and then giggled as she kept up quickly behind him, following without any complaint or fight. He led her to the back where dark corners and hidden alcoves just for this reason lay in waiting. When he found a shadowed crevice perfect for this sort of exploit, furthest from anywhere else, he pushed her against the wall roughly. She grunted in surprise, anger flashing briefly as she rubbed her shoulder absently.

"Easy, humans are a little more fragile than the rest of you."

"Stop talking." He said coldly, pushing himself against her, dipping his head to the crook of her neck to inhale her scent. The perfume was not entirely pleasant and he could smell something sour on her skin. His eyes adjusted to the dark and he saw a soft sheen of sweat, red hue's starting to emerge across her lightly tanned flesh. He thought humans did that when they were embarrassed or drunk like Shepard was, but perhaps some of them did that when aroused? He suddenly wanted to think back on the whole time he had spent with her, he wanted to see the moments when the Commander's skin turned pink in arousal if that actually was the case.

The girl gripped him crudely over his pants forcing a hiss to erupt from his throat, bringing his mind back to the task at hand. He turned his eyes to hers, already smelling her arousal in the air. Hers was musty and thick, not at all what he expected. Her lips touched his greedily wrapping a hand around his neck to hold him to her. She opened her mouth to allow him access and a tightness gripped his chest when he tasted her. He could taste the drink she had taken from him, but something heavy and bitter as well. Her tongue wasn't as soft as he expected but slimy and rough. _Something is not right._

Kolyat pulled away and blinked at her in confusion. Didn't all humans feel the same? He knew taste could change from person to person but skin of Asari or Drell's didn't vary as drastically as he was experiencing with this human woman. She pushed her body up against him her hands already on the buckles of his pants as she yanked on them to open. A wave of nausea surged through him and he swallowed back the queasiness grabbing both of her wrists to stop her from touching him further. He didn't want this. He didn't want _her._

"Why'd you stop?" The woman asked confused trying to push herself forward and kiss him. Kolyat turned away gripping her wrists with enough pressure to force a whimper from her throat. "You're hurting me."

"You're not doing it for _me._ "

"What did you just say?" She spat on the edge of budding anger. Kolyat let her go and turned immediately leaving her stuttering in fury as she called after him. He ignored her and kept going, not caring in the slightest about how nasty he had just treated her. _Another mistake._ He was on a roll with his fuck ups this evening. He needed to leave, he needed to be alone and sort out all these thoughts in his head. He quickly walked through the club, trying to tune out the dense atmosphere of too many bodies and the pulsing beat of hip grinding music. He needed fresh air. He needed to scrub his scales with sandpaper to get the feel of that human off of him.

Once he finally made it outside he hesitated for a moment, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. Why did he not experience the same thing with that human that he had felt with Shepard? Where her skin was soft, hot and inviting with a subtle hint of sweetness and spice, the woman from the club made his own skin crawl in disgust. Kolyat sighed in defeat realization dawning on him at the reality of what was going on. He was attracted to Shepard, worse than that he wanted her in the worst way possible. He knew he had always been curious about her from the moment that she had first punched him across the face, although at the time his reaction had be muted by the sudden appearance of his father.

Kolyat rubbed the bridge of his nose in annoyance. He had to make sure he never saw her again and keep his thoughts to himself. _This is nothing more than lust._ He had to rationalize it. She was the Hero of the Citadel, she probably had a plethora of men who desired her and thought the same thing he did. Eventually she might even be able to move on with one of them. He probably wasn't the only one who would fantasize about fucking her, although for him it felt even worse since his father had been the one fucking her at one point. _Stop thinking about that!_

"Hey blue boy!" Kolyat was pulled from his thoughts and looked towards the voice that called to him. An Asari slowly approached him. She had the softest shade of lavender skin, with bright blue almond shaped eyes. Her face was heart shaped, lips full and painted a pale pink. She was incredibly beautiful, but Kolyat was already past the game he liked to play. He had no more patience for anyone else this evening.

"I'm not in the mood right now." He spoke harshly, doing his best to dismiss her. She still approached him, a seductive smile forming over her lips.

"What's the matter? That human couldn't do it for you?" Her voice was mocking with a hint of sarcasm as she continued walking past him. He stared at the curve of her ass underneath her ankle length form fitting dress. The cream color making the lavender tones in her skin shine radiantly. He wanted to make a nasty remark but honestly he had enough for one night. Sighing he shoved his hands in his pockets opting for truth.

"No."

"Why did you go after a human anyway, especially that one? Drells don't usually do humans." She looked over her shoulder at him in peculiar interest. He snorted at her, a million come backs going through his head.

"Curiosity." He finally decided to say not wishing to get into anymore arguments or worse, slapped in the face again.

"Is it sated now?"

"Perhaps." The Asari laughed softly shaking her head almost as if she was regarding a child who made a mistake. Kolyat could feel anger rising up within him as he saw the judgement in her eyes.

"Don't those humans have a saying, curiosity killed the cat…but pleasure brought him back. If you want I could be your pleasure…and help you come back. You look like you had a rough night."

"Do I?" His voice was bitter and he narrowed his eyes at her in disdain. She stared at him head on, his expression not making her flinch in the slightest. Instead she smiled wider, placing a hand on his collarbone, she circled him slowly as she spoke, trailing her hand over his shoulders as she walked.

"You can go as fast or as slow as you want. You could be rough or gentle, I can do all the work if you prefer. I'll even let you close your eyes, you can think that I'm someone else. It's all the same to me."

"What does that say about your self-esteem if you let me think of someone else?"

"We all yearn for something. I take it that's why you were curious about that human." Kolyat blinked back his surprise by what she was proposing. What kind of woman was this? She was encouraging him to just use her. Normally this was the thing he would look for but for some reason something about her seemed off. She was too confident, too aware, and too lenient in what she was offering. If he refused her it seemed like she wouldn't even care one way or another. "I wonder what made you so curious to go after her."

"You don't know me." He almost snarled and she laughed sardonically the bird song of her voice making his dick jump in his pants.

"Your right and you don't know me. We don't even have to share names and you can call me whatever you want if you prefer. That's fine with me too. You can scream out your ex-girlfriends name for all I care, your wife, your boyfriend…someone you wish I was."

Kolyat remained silent as he thought. Maybe he needed this. Something to take the taste of the human in the club out of his mouth. He already could feel displeasure of replacing Shepard's exquisite taste with something that could have resembled sweaty balls if he was into that. He sighed rubbing the bridge of his nose again, deciding to give in.

"Where should we go?" Kolyat asked not caring anymore, he never once brought a women he randomly picked up to his apartment, but at this point he just couldn't give a flying Elcor's ass.

"I have an apartment nearby." She answered quickly.

"You trust me enough to take me home?"

"I don't take people home too often, only when I have a good feeling." Kolyat snorted back another harsh laugh.

"And you have this feeling with me? Sounds like a pity fuck." He took a step towards her and she grinned at him spiritedly.

"I can do that to if you want. I saw you smell her skin and grimace. Smell mine and tell me if you have a better reaction. Let me know if it is enough to turn you on."

She approached him in confidence. Gliding her hands up the sides of his waist and across his chest. He touched her bare arms lightly. Feeling the slight warmth of her beneath his palms. Her skin was smooth and he let her hug her body against his. Pulling on the strap of her dress he bared her shoulder, dipped his face down to the crook of her neck and inhaled her scent deeply. He felt the twinge in his nose immediately. She had a soft floral smell, some kind of flower he was not familiar with but there was sharpness there too, something not natural, something that suddenly burned his nostrils. He could feel his heart race immediately, a lightheaded sensation taking over, making him sway on his footing. The lights around him started to grow brighter and as he closed his eyes he could already feel the cobwebbed thoughts right on the edges of his mind.

"You have a synthetic on your skin."

"Enough to calm you down, enough for me to become anything you want. This one's free, I won't even charge you." He could feel the tension leaving him, the stress of the day fading away into the background. Of course she was a whore. What kind of person put synthetic on their skin to drug people into buying their services?

"You're a prostitute." He shook his head trying to clear his mind as every care started slipping away. He wasn't sure if that was a good thing.

"Don't mistake me for one of those common whores. It just so happens that I am in between contracts at the moment. I'm waiting for my lawyer to finalize the details." _Contract? Lawyer?_

"You're a courtesan?" He said in shock just as another wave of peaceful quiet took the place of his thoughts. The Asari ran her hands beneath his jacket feeling the metal beneath his coat, eyeing the gun in his holster. She pulled back the leather of his jacket a bit until the C-Sec badge came into view. She laughed ironically.

"It's a good thing I didn't try to charge you."

"I think I would have paid." He answered automatically unsure if that was the synthetic talking or himself at that moment. His grip on her tightening as she looked up at him smiling, pressing her body closer to him.

"C-Sec salary…you wouldn't have been able to afford me."

"I'm curious how much you actually make?" Kolyat could feel the purr of arousal starting to vibrate in his throat.

"Your yearly salary would probably cover me for about a week. But my contract requires you to pay all of my living expenses, clothes, jewelry and of course gifts. It costs extra if you involve your wife."

"Sounds like you're the one playing them." Kolyat ran his lips over her neck, inhaling her skin once again, feeling another wave of bliss over take him. Not even caring in the slightest if he got caught with synthetic in his system and being suspended as an officer.

"Not exactly. The catch is, I'm at your beck and call. If you commanded me to sit on my knees for 14 hours and suck your dick, I'm obligated to do so. If I don't obey, you have every right to punish me as you see fit, as long as it's within the parameters of the contract."

"You sound like a sex slave."

"Yes and no, it depends on the contract, that's why I have to wait on my lawyer. Make sure there are no loop holes. A final contract can take months to finalize…so…do you want me to call you anything, or will you tell me your name?" She ran her fingers over his frills, feeling desire starting to unfurl within him. He pulled away to stare down at her. Trying to think if he still wanted to play this game. _Fuck it, too late to turn back now._

"My name is Kolyat."

"Do you want mine or do you wish to give me one?" She licked his cheek sending a wave of pleasure shooting through him, knowing that the synthetic was clouding his judgement in the worst way possible. He closed his eyes, an image of Shepard flooded his mind. He thought about the heat of her skin, the taste of her mouth. He thought what it might have been like to fuck her. How hot would her skin have been when he entered her? He groaned when the Asari ran her hand over his growing erection, although he didn't think it was actually her making him grow hard.

"I can close my eyes? I can call you whatever I want? I don't have to think of you?" He opened his eyes and saw her nod, his breathing was starting to catch in his throat. _Don't say it. Don't you fucking say it!_

"Sarah." _Shit, he said it._ He swallowed back his humiliation from saying Shepard's name out loud. He could hear the soft laughter of the woman in his arms.

"Your girlfriend? Or someone you want?"

"Someone I want." He admitted pulling away from her, looking down in shame at what he just asked the woman to do for him. He was most likely about to get smacked again. She touched his cheek gingerly pulling his gaze back to hers, but instead of loathing she held deep understanding within sapphire pearls.

"When we get back to my apartment I want you to keep your eyes closed. Tonight…I'm Sarah."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Shepard awoke to the sounds of stampeding Elcor through her apartment complex, barreling and charging on her head. _Wait, are they in my bedroom? What are they doing in my bedroom?_ Shepard slowly forced her eyes open, turning her head as the sounds grew louder trying to pin point the stampede, her gaze finally focusing on the alarm clock next to her bed. She pushed her hand beneath her pillow, her fingers grasping around the cool familiar metal of her Master HMWP reflexively. A sigh escaped her throat as it dawned on her that shooting the clock was probably not the most rational idea. Pulling herself over, she slid to the edge of the bed hitting the blaring annoyance with enough force to knock it off balance and onto the floor in silence. Her movements felt jerky and her mind was nothing but a fog.

She rolled to her back with a heavy huff, covering her eyes with the bend of her arm, grimacing as her head throbbed in agony. _I didn't drink that much, did I?_ It had been a long time since she had been this hung over. _God, make the pain stop._ Eventually she sat up, her stomach turning queasy as a vertigo sensation started to overtake her. She had a sudden fear that she might actually throw up in her bed. Forcing one of knees to her chest she ran a hand through her hair taking deep breaths until she was confident enough that she wouldn't hurl. As time passed and her stomach calmed she rubbed her face and sighed as her mind suddenly drifted back on what had happened the night before.

 _'I wouldn't only be kissing you, I'd be fucking you right now'._ Kolyat's heady voice popped into her brain. She groaned as the night came flooding back to her. _Well shit._ Shepard's stomach began to knot as she remembered what Kolyat's touch had felt like, what his cool hands gliding over her hips could have been capable of. He had been so confident when he asked to be let in and the sounds of his voice alone made her want to succumb to him. There was a moment that made her not even care about the connection he had. She had always been a sucker for Drell voices. That erotic double tremor of sound that made her wish that there was a way to bottle it up and sell it. She would make a killing in the markets. _Holy shit, they should release an audio book series._ Their voices could make a child's book almost pornographic. They could probably make a woman cum by the second page of _See Spot Run_. Or maybe it was just her. Shepard sighed to herself and laughed sadly. It was too early for this line of thought.

Pulling the covers off herself she slid to the edge of the bed and opened her drawer taking out another small bottle of pills to ease the tornado of agony spiraling in her head. She swallowed them dry and placed the bottle along with the counter venom capsules back in her drawer before freeing herself of the lace panties and bra she fell asleep in the night before. She was in desperate need of a shower and was short of nose diving beneath the warm calming liquid.

After she showered and dressed into a V-neck off white blouse with a billowing collar and a simple black skirt, she applied a small amount of mascara and lip gloss almost feeling like she was ready to take on the day. She picked up her discarded gun that was still on the floor from the night prior and stuffed that and her crumpled black dress into her purse. She knew she had three guns hidden in her office but hey, a girl had to have options.

As she started down the long hallway and past the kitchen she sighed as she saw the shattered glass and discarded broom still on the floor. She had completely forgotten about that. After she finished cleaning her mess she took a moment to stare at one of the exhibition cases that stood along the wall from the front entrance to the bar. A large rectangular vertical case held a black mannequin bust within the middle. Thane's leather jacket and Hikari mounted on display underneath showcase lights. She was always amazed how the dull silver never seemed to catch any illumination. _Did Kolyats do the same?_ Thane's M-97 Viper Sniper Rifle was propped up against the busts shoulder along with his M-5 Phalanx and some extra ammo clips mounted on a metal stand beneath it. Kolyat had made arrangements not long after Thane's funeral for her to go to a storage unit and retrieve some of his personal effects. Some of Thane's other weapons and knives given to her were on display in her small arsenal in the back of the apartment. She still wondered why Kolyat was more than willing to give her most of his belongings, but they never got a change to talk on the matter. She doubted she would ever find out his reasoning now since she was adamant about never wanting to see him again.

Shepard glanced down at her omnitool for a time check and panicked when she realized the time. She was now going to be late for her first appointment. _Narissa is going to kill me._ Throwing on a simple pair of black heels that were already laying haphazardly by the door she started jogging through the penthouse vestibule and towards the elevator.

The trip to the Zakera Ward was quick and as soon as she got off her transport she briskly walked past a few familiar shops and around a bend to a set of stairs that led to her office. Walking quickly through the front door she was greeted by a lavender skinned Asari who stood up as she entered picking up a data pad and a cup of coffee. Shepard could already see the frown forming on her luscious full lips.

"I know, I know!" She said holding up her hands in surrender.

"If you already know, then why did you let it happen? Mrs. Bently has already been waiting a half an hour. I have moved back some of your other appointments and rescheduled two for another day."

"And this is why you deserve a raise, Narissa." Shepard smiled sweetly, taking the cup of coffee and drinking it heavily. She grimaced from the taste.

"It's cold!"

"Well if you were here on time it would have been hot."

"I'm taking your imaginary raise I just gave you back." Opening her purse she took out the crumpled black dress and tossed it at her.

"My heart is broken." Narissa said flatly, unfolding the black silk and examining it. Shepard opened up the doors to her office as the other woman's grey eyes narrowed in disbelief.

"Please don't tell me this is the dress from last night?"

"Yeah, so?" She answered uncaringly as she walked around a lush sofa set and two small tables set up for her clients towards an enormous desk. Sitting in her larger than life leather chair she liked to call it, she activated the three monitors that stood upon the lavish wood before her.

"This is silk Shepard. Do you know how expensive it will be to remove the wrinkles?" She retorted looking appalled.

"Don't worry about that." Shepard waved her hand dismissively. "Just send it to the dry cleaners for me." Narissa quirked an eye ridge at her, a sensual smile forming over her lips making her freeze and stare at her in uncertainty.

"You didn't take anyone home with you last night did you? Please tell me that is why the dress is in such disarray."

"You already know the answer to that." Keeping her voice quiet she kept her face as emotionless as possible trying not to give herself away. _It doesn't count if you never make it past the front door, does it?_ Narissa frowned again in displeasure when she didn't reply.

"Do you know how many calls you get a day from romantic prospects? You really should take someone to the New Cruiser Unveiling next week, get your feet wet…or other things."

"I'm not interested." Her voice was sharper then she meant it to be as she started typing on her key board to access Ms. Bently's case information. Sex, height, weight, profession, hobbies all coming up in lines of data for her to review. _Oh God, she collected porcelain poodles. If this was another cheating husband case…_ She heard Narissa sigh beside her, placing the data pad on her desk to fold the black dress in her hands.

"Shepard please, I'm worried about you. You need some happiness in your life. You're always alone. Worse yet, your always here. I doubt you were like this when you served on the Normandy." _No, I wasn't like this. I was actually happy._ She had friends, a purpose and Thane. Now she just felt like she was going through the motions. Nothing seemed to matter anymore, she had trouble feeling and that terrified her more than the Reapers ever could.

"You're all the happiness I need Narissa. I don't need anyone else in my life." Shepard joked suggestively trying to ease her.

"I know for a fact you don't do women."

"As far as you know. Maybe I'm secretly in love with you and haven't had the guts to tell you until now." Shepard blew the Asari a kiss which made the woman shake her head not at all convinced.

"You're so full of it. Look I'm going to set you up on a date."

"Please don't. I've never had good luck with that." Shepard said blinking up at the woman before her in horror.

"I promise I will make sure he's someone who will keep you entertained."

"Narissa, don't do it. If I wanted to be entertained I'd watch a movie, or rent a porno."

"The real thing is better than a porno Shepard." Narissa said dryly.

"Not if you get the right one. Do you see some of the things that are done in those movies? 'Hey baby, I got your cargo delivery right here' 'would you like a taste of my heat sink, it's locked and loaded for your pleasure'. I'm really into the beautiful stranger routine. My chair might turn into a slip and slide just thinking about it." Shepard adjusted herself in her chair and grinned shamelessly. Narissa just continued frowning.

"You're not going to deter me from this. If you don't go, I'm going to billboard naked pictures of you all over the Citadel, destroy your entire chocolate supply and wipe all of your computers. I mean it Shepard."

"I'm sure there's already tons of fake naked photos of me on the externet and I can always buy more chocolate. As for the computers I have backups and I doubt you can get past my security systems." Narissa crossed her arms in front of her chest and grinned defiantly.

"You know I heard a rumor and can easily get photos of you and Ambassador Udina. I heard you were actually taking him to the New Cruiser Unveiling and I heard you like it when he ties you up. I think I saw some videos that could easily be projected all over the wards of him spanking you."

"Please not Udina." Shepard could feel her face drain of color. Just joking about that made her want to burn her eyes out with hot pokers and throw up all over the place.

"Just try me Shepard."

Sarah hesitated as Narissa held her ground, her gaze a torrent of unwavering certainty. She was a little surprised by the forcefulness of her assistant. Usually her Secretary was mild tempered and sweet, never once raising her voice at her or causing a problem. In the last six months that she had known her, she had come to appreciate everything that she had done for her and could even regard her as a friend.

"Gary feels the same way Shepard." Her voice started to soften.

Shepard sighed at the mention of her other assistant. Were the two of them in this together? She looked into Narissa's eyes, watching as concern unfurled within them. How much was she worrying them? Shepard knew all her days were either spent working or sleeping. Preferring to be alone in quiet contemplation then out and about. Thane had passed over a year ago, but there wasn't a day that went by that she didn't miss him or yearn to see him again. They had spoken about it once, well it was more Thane scolding her and making her listen, and her wishing she could run from the room with her hands over her ears like a child. He had told her, he did not want her to mourn him forever. Had made her promise that she would try to move on eventually. He knew what it was like to experience love and loss and how it felt to find someone to reawaken those feelings again, but not diminish or replace the love he had before. Now it would be her turn, but could she do it? Thane knew that he would always remain in her heart and she still wondered if anyone could even possibly make her feel the way she felt with him. Was she ready to try again? _You were more than ready with Kolyat. Oh my God brain, please don't go there. That's his fucking son!_

"Fine." She finally sighed, knowing that now was as good a time as any to try and attempt this. At least a date would let her know where she stood. Although she doubted Narissa would be able to find anyone that could turn her on enough or interest her to even consider a second date. The Asari clapped her hands together in excitement.

"Wonderful! I'll have Gary help me. I promise we'll pick someone good. Would you prefer to keep it in the species? Or do you secretly pine for something else?"

"It's been awhile since I've been on a date with a human, that's fine."

"Who did you see before?" Narissa asked in intrigue. Shepard could feel the sadness grip her chest as she thought about Thane again, she knew the expression on her face had tuned melancholy and sad by the hitch in Narissa's voice. "It didn't end well, did it?"

"He passed away." She said softly looking up at Narissa and seeing the horror slowly enter her expression. She never told her about Thane, never told her much about anything actually, other than the public cover story. That she was retired from both the Alliance and from being a Spector.

"Shepard, I didn't know. I thought you just had a bad break up and…I didn't realize that's why you never…forget I said anything. I'm not going to set you up."

"No, you're right. Perhaps I do need this. I think there's been enough time for me to try and move on. Perhaps you'll surprise me. Perhaps you will find someone who doesn't care that I was Commander Shepard or a Specter. Someone who's not scared of me or will try to use me for a status boost."

"I can spot the assholes, I'll find one…but are you sure?"

"Yeah, just make sure he's tall dark and handsome. I get off on that." Narissa snorted and made her way back to her desk. _'I'm curious if…if I was anyone else than Commander Shepard…would you be kissing me right now?'_

"One order of tall dark and handsome is not exactly easy to find, but I've worked miracles before. I'm going to send in Mrs. Bently." _The porcelain poodle primadonna._ She had to fight a snort from erupting from her lips.

"How many appointments do I have today?"

"Seven." Shepard sighed and started to review her screen. She didn't want to dwell anymore on the matter. Today was going to be another long day.

* * *

Kolyat couldn't believe how dry his mouth was. He was already unscrewing the cap off his third bottle of water and gulping it like he was a man dying of thirst. After downing almost half the bottle he gasped in a breath and rubbed the bridge of his nose. _The damn synthetic is making my throat hurt._ It was a good thing the hit he had was low enough not to cause withdrawal. He had seen the junkies that would be brought in periodically. The way they scratched at their sunken skin and itched at their eyes when the drugs wore off. Most went through long periods of dizziness and vomiting, fevers and chills until it was out of their system. He was grateful for his higher immune system, but still felt the paranoia aftereffect about being discovered. It would be at least another day before it was fully flushed from his body. Thank the Goddess his officer test and medical weren't for another three weeks.

"Kolyat, you okay?" He heard his co-worker ask him as he took another deep breath and even heavier gulps from his bottle. "You're starting to make me think that you're not actually drinking water." Kolyat snickered as he capped his bottle and placed it on his desk, looking over to the human who sat at the desk beside him. The same one who had called him and dragged him out of his apartment to Purgatory the night before.

"I'm not feeling well today. Don't worry, I'll get the reports done."

"That explains why you dipped out so quick last night. If you need anything, just let me know. Do you need to go to the medical bay?" Kolyat stiffened in terror. If his blood was drawn and tested he was so fucked. He needed to calm down and get his shit together.

"No, I'm just tired." _Act natural, don't give yourself away._

"Kolyat you've been studying every free minute for the last few months. I don't even study more than once a week. You'll pass the exam, don't over work yourself." Kolyat grimaced, it was true that he had been over exerting himself. Every day was just about the same. He would work long hours, study on every break, go home and study until sleeping. Lately he had even been putting his club and bed hopping on the back burner to focus on his studies. Last night had been an insane exception. He had been intimate with three different women in one night and just thinking about it made him feel sick to his stomach. That was a new low, even for him and he had done some really dirty things, with many different women.

"Is once a week enough? Are you confident that you will pass?" Kolyat asked his coworker skeptically, curious that he admitted to not caring as much. The human male just snickered and clicked on his omnitool pulling up an image of two Asari's.

"I went home with both these ladies last night. I think I enjoyed their company more than a C-Sec regulation textbook."

"Keston, if you keep whoring yourself, you're going to fail your exam." Kolyat frowned at his coworker as he closed the picture. He waved at him dismissively typing on his keyboard again.

"Don't worry mom, maybe tonight I'll have them take turns reading me the book as the other has their mouth stuffed on my lap."

Kolyat sighed and picked up the stack of data pads on his desk to organize them. He didn't tell anyone that he was aiming for Detective except for his friend Taran. He was the only one he really trusted. Not even Bailey knew what was going through his head. He wanted to do this on his own, without the help or string pulling of any one he knew. In a way he regretted telling Shepard and hoped she wouldn't try to step in and use any leeway she might have and push his application through. Everything that had happened to him in his life was because of the actions of others. He wanted to do this on his own, work hard and deserve something that he rightfully earned. He wanted to finally live his life the way he choose.

Kolyat worked diligently for the next few hours, finishing up several reports that were due next week earlier than he had anticipated. It wasn't until it was approaching his lunch break that Captain Bailey made his way into his office and stopped at his desk.

He was a stocky human, with a squared face and angular jaw who carried himself with confidence and possessed an air of authority. His presence was strong wherever he went and Kolyat found it amusing when people would scramble and panic into different rooms when they knew he was coming. Kolyat was one of the few that would always greet him and show respect no matter what. When Bailey's face grew sullen and bags appeared under his eyes, he would always take the time out and offer his assistance to him. He knew this caused whispers half the time and others would call him the Captains pet but honestly Kolyat couldn't care less about any of that. He owed Baily for allowing the community service request to be covered up as a C-Sec internship. He had helped in bribing the proper people to have his assassination attempt swept underneath the metaphorical rug. He owed this man a lot, and if whispers of ridicule from his co-workers was all that resulted, then he could deal.

Bailey dropped a data pad on Kolyat's desk, his eyes trailing over to his co-worker beside him who suddenly stood and excused himself. He could see Bailey's eyes grow distant as he watched him leave, his jaw flexing as he ground his teeth. It was impossible not to realize how much people tried to avoid him. Kolyat picked up the data pad and started to read it, waiting for Bailey to give him instructions.

"I need to speak with you Krios, A private matter." The last part came out in a whisper; he could hear the strain in the older man's voice. Kolyat pulled his gaze away from the report and looked up at Bailey before glancing around to notice that they were not alone. He stood from his chair and grabbed the jacket to his uniform. Doing his best to keep his composure and not panic from the synthetic in his system. There was no way he could know about the night before, right? _Shit, did he see me leave the party with Shepard?_

"I was just about to go to lunch; would you care to join me Captain?" Bailey smiled slightly and shook his head.

"Thanks kid, but we can speak in my office." Kolyat nodded and picked up the data pad and the stack of reports he was working on before following Bailey through the station to his office. Kolyat entered behind him, switching the control lock to red, trying his best not to show his anxiety. He could already feel his throat going dry again. Placing the reports on Bailey's desk he took a seat in one of the chairs in front of it, easing himself into a comfortable position.

"Are these the Annuals?" The human male asked taking a seat heavily, running his hand over the stack to peer inside one of the folders.

"Yes, they are ready for review and signature. Let me know when you are finished and I will submit them."

"I heard you stayed late a few nights last week. You know kid, people tell me I work too much. You don't want to be like me." No, Kolyat didn't want to be like him. Although Bailey was Captain he could tell his life was nothing but stress, aggravation, and loneliness. He had a vague thought about the personal sacrifices that must be made in order to be a leader in this time. What it must feel like when everyone looked to you as if you were the only one who could solve their problems. An image of Shepard suddenly popped into his head. ' _You don't know half the things that happened, half of what I was forced to decide between.'_ "I heard that you study through most of your lunch breaks. Are you nervous about your exam? Don't stress it kid, you'll do fine."

For Kolyat it wasn't about passing anymore. He had finally decided what he wanted to do with his life and did not want to waste any more opportunities. Too long had he been part of the tu'firala never knowing which direction he was going in, completely lost and pulled every which way by emotion and indifference. Never caring what happened to himself or those around him. Spending time with his father had helped him slowly see his errors, although in the beginning he fought tooth and nail to be the bastard he thought himself to be. Clashing with him on every little thing he tried to teach him. Kolyat originally thought that his father was weak and had gone soft over time. That he didn't understand his errors, or Kolyat. After all, he was never there to know anything about him and the door swung both ways on that. How do you try to connect to someone who says they are your parent who might as well be a stranger? As time passed however and he, matured he guessed and saw the peace his father had come upon by the end of his life, he recently started to think that perhaps his father did have it all figured out. His only regret was that he was still almost a stranger to him when he died. He wished he could have had more time or finally be able to tell him the conclusion he had come upon.

"So, you needed to discuss a private matter with me?" Bailey sighed and leaned back in his chair his expression darkening. Kolyat caught the tick in the man's jaw. He was angry about something and Kolyat could see that it was no normal aggravation. He waited patiently until Bailey decided to finally speak.

"I need a favor."

"Of course. Do you need me to stay late?"

"It's not that kind of favor. I need this done without anyone knowing. I can't have you seen in any way, or in uniform if you are. " Kolyat's interest peaked and he leaned forward in his chair. He knew that there were shady dealings in C-Sec but he didn't know that Bailey was the type to conduct double-dealings on the side himself.

"Why ask me? I am no longer involved in my previous exploits. Surely there is someone else who has better experience with whatever side thing you have going on? We never even had this conversation as far as I'm concerned." Kolyat narrowed his eyes in suspicion. Was it possible Bailey was testing him, trying to get him fired? Baily sighed heavily. Closing his eyes he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"It's not like that kid. Look, this isn't easy for me. If I had any other choice I wouldn't ask anyone at all but…I can't leave things how they are." Bailey's eyes turned determined as if he was trying to convince himself more than Kolyat. "I never told you, but I'm actually quite proud of you and the progress you have made by fully joining C-Sec. It's good to know that at least some people can be saved."

"Are you trying to butter me up?" Kolyat frowned although he was grateful for what the man was trying to tell him. His voice was harsh and sharp. He would not be persuaded if this was a test.

"The bottom line is I trust you, and I don't say that lightly. I don't even trust my own mother. You're perceptive and you see through bullshit quick. More so than half of these jack asses that work here. Trust me kid. I'm not trying to set you up if that's what you're thinking. I had plenty of opportunities to do so." Kolyat kept his eyes narrowed at the older man. Leaning back in the chair he crossed his arms over his chest.

"If I don't like what I hear I want the option to walk away without any repercussion. Will you give me that at least?"

"If you say no, I don't have anyone else to turn to anyway that wouldn't probably use this against me." Kolyat had not yet started studying vocal patterns to tell when different species were hiding lies but he knew Bailey. Had worked for this man for two years now. He knew he wasn't a bullshitter, preferring always to be straight and to the point. Above all, he hated the politics game. Kolyat frowned again but nodded indicating for the man to start talking.

* * *

Kolyat had read the file that Bailey had given him before deleting it and heading out. His nephew had been arrested for drug possession leaving his niece and two children without a source of income for originally, the next six months. Normally a drug possession charge was a minimum of a hundred and eighty days but with Kolyat's past skills with some hacking that Mouse had taught him, he was able to glitch the sentence down to forty-five days, anything less would have led to serious suspicion on the inside and could have pointed to Bailey. The Captain had to stay as far away from this case as possible, any involvement would lead to a suspension or loss of title.

The streets were poorly lit and deserted. Steam rose from open vents making the air thick and pungent, the acrid and vile smells wafting through infested crevices and grime filled shafts. Kolyat had spent much of his younger life in places like these, when he had first decided to be a hired gun skirting on the darker side of the law. Now that his life was different, Kolyat had to fight the urge to glance at every shadow and open doorway in suspicion, forcing the illusion that he belonged here. He had only been to this part of the Citadel once before. A quick trip when he was looking for a contract, the same contract that had led him to Mouse. Being here now though made him realize that no matter what planet you resided on, or what species you might be, slums always smelled like shit.

He followed the corridors and streets, twisting and turning deeper into the darkness until he came upon the address he sought. He paused outside the tiny dwelling looking down both streets to make sure to not be seen before he rang the buzzer. There was silence for over a minute. _Please be home, I don't want to come back here._ Just as he was about to ring the bell again, the door slowly opened and a small human woman peeked out at him.

"Can I help you?" She asked hesitantly. The woman held the door only a few inches open, blond hair and a soft round face barely seen behind the slit. When she had spoken, her voice had been rough and hoarse. Kolyat could see redness around her light blue eyes. He had interrupted her from crying. Kolyat leaned in close and spoke just loud enough for her to hear him.

"Are you Claire?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"Owen sent me."

"You don't look like someone Owen would send. I have a gun, I suggest you leave. You already did enough; Ryan is taken care of, your men made sure of that." Her voice turned hard and harsh and Kolyat blinked suddenly unsure of what he could do to convince her. From her remark he wasn't even positive he knew what was going on now. _I really hate being in the dark about shit._ Bailey had just sent him to deliver a package to his niece, he didn't give too many details other than to not be seen and that her husband had recently been arrested which forbid any contact with family in C-Sec. Bailey was Claire's only family and was forbidden to even look at her file. He glanced around again to make sure they were alone, before reaching into the inside pocket of his leathers to quickly show his C-Sec badge.

"I don't know who you think I might be, but I assure you Owen sent me here and he had nothing to do with what happened." Kolyat wasn't entirely sure if that was true anymore by the way this woman was looking at him, but he needed to convince her enough to get him out of the open.

The woman blinked at him in astonishment opening the door she glanced around to make sure no one else was there and ushered him quickly inside, locking the door behind him. Kolyat glanced around as he slowly walked into the apartment noticing how void and empty it was, barely any furniture or personal items. It was just a single room with another door in the back which most likely lead to a bedroom. A single couch sat near the front door and near by a small table and four chairs that stood outside a tiny steel kitchen that looked like it was barely used. _And I thought my apartment was small._ The only indication that made him know people actually lived there was because of a few discarded pieces of clothing and children toys that lay haphazardly around. By the time Kolyat glanced back at the human woman, he saw the gun in her hands pointed at him.

"This is how you greet someone who is here to help you?" Kolyat kept his voice smooth and calm, lifting his hands away from his body and up into the air slightly to show her that he meant no harm.

"I don't know you."

"My name is Kolyat Krios. I'm a C-Sec officer. I work closely with your Uncle. He asked me to come here and give you something."

"Owen would never risk himself like that." Kolyat could see the tremble in her stance, her finger twitching over the trigger. She was no killer but he feared if she started shaking there was a possibility he would be shot accidentally. Should he tell her the truth?

"It's true your Uncle cannot be found to have any involvement with you. Your husband has been arrested and because of that by C-Sec regulations, he is not allowed to have any contact with you in any way, shape or form."

"Then what are you doing here?" Kolyat smiled at her despite the suspicion and apprehension in her voice.

"I just happened to be in the neighborhood. I thought I would stop by and say hi. Look, I'm going to reach into my inner pocket and give you something." Kolyat slowly moved one of his hands to the lip of his leathers but the women shifted her stance and grabbed the gun with both hands to hold her ground. He could see the sweat forming on her forehead, the ire burning in her eyes as her teeth ground together.

"Don't move!" I swear to fucking God, I will shoot you!" Kolyat froze in place, his hand almost in his jacket. Blinking at her slowly he moved his hand back into the air, trying to think how he could get her to trust him.

"Do you want to tie me up?"

"What?"

"You obviously don't trust me enough, so tell me what I can do to make you believe that I am truly here to help you? Either let me give you what I came here to give you and leave, reach into my pocket and take it yourself, or tie me up and then take it from me. Either way, I promise you no blood needs to be spilt today. Besides, if I wanted to kill you with your children in the other room I could have already done so, several times by now. I'm giving you the choice of how you would like this to play out."

Kolyat's voice was harsh now, but he kept his voice low and matter of fact. It was true if he wanted to kill her he could have grabbed her as soon as she let him in but that had not been the case. He needed her to understand how simple it could have been. How ridiculous she was being. He could see it in her gaze; he was starting to get through to her. The door in the back suddenly opened and she lowered the gun immediately hiding it behind her back. Kolyat lowered his hands but didn't move from his spot as a small brown haired child walked into the room.

"Mommy? He said hesitantly on the edges of sleep, rubbing his eyes, glancing at him warily. Claire walked to him briskly crouching down in front of him her hand running through his hair.

"Is everything okay?" She spoke softly positioning her body as if to shield him.

"Who is that? Where's daddy? When is he coming home?" The human woman hesitated; he could tell she didn't know what to say. The child's questions coming out more forcefully the longer she stayed silent.

"Sweetie…your dad…"

"He's working on a job right now. I came to tell your mother that it will only take forty five days instead of the hundred eighty originally decided upon to complete and then he will be back home." Kolyat spoke up knowing that the woman was battling what to say to her son.

"That's all?" Claire's eyes widened in surprise and softened as she searched his face. Kolyat saw hope appear, he nodded and smiled already feeling the atmosphere become calmer.

"I was able to pull some strings, off the record of course."

"I want to see daddy now. I don't want to wait." The young boy almost yelled, the edges of sleep starting to leave him. Kolyat suddenly had a very vivid feeling that he was suddenly seeing himself from years ago. He frowned at the comparison as it dawned on him.

"Your dad's working hard. He loves you; trust me when I tell you that if given any other choice…he would be here with you now." Kolyat swallowed back a lump that appeared in his throat, this scene hitting him to close to his own childhood. "You're the man of the house now; your mother needs you to be strong. Will you be able to do that for her?"

The boy regarded him thoughtfully staying silent for a long moment before finally nodding and kissing his mother on the cheek. She smiled and stood, tucking the gun into her pants against the hollow of her back as soon as he turned to go back into the room. She excused herself and went in after him. As soon as they were out of sight Kolyat let out a heavy breath that he didn't even know he was holding. Walking toward the kitchen table he stared at the plain metal rubbing the back of his neck. _Goddess of Oceans, how do I keep ending up in these situations?_

"Thank you…for saying what you did. It will be easier for him and his sister when she wakes up." Claire's voice sounded behind him, making him turn back towards her warily. Glancing at her hands to see if she would pull her gun on him again.

"I can relate to what your children might be going through, but this isn't about me. Can I safely reach into my pocket now without you trying to kill me?"

Claire looked at him apologetically and motioned for him to follow her towards the kitchen table. She guided him to one of the chairs and made her own way into the kitchen.

"Do you want anything to drink?"

"You don't have to waste any hospitality on me. No offense, but save it for yourself." Kolyat knew the remark was cruel and he could see the woman's shoulders slump as she turned around to him, sitting at the table across from where he sat.

"Things weren't always this bad. What did Owen tell you?"

"Nothing. He just handed me Ryan's case file. It listed that he was arrested for drug possession."

"He was set up!" Claire bit out forcefully slamming her hand on the table a loud clank resonating through the apartment. Kolyat glanced at the bedroom wondering if the noise would bring her son back out. Her eyes followed his and after a minute she sighed and looked back towards him.

"Owen can't help you, but perhaps I can. You have to be straight with me though. How was your husband set up?"

"We borrowed money from a loan shark. Ryan had some trouble holding a job and to get cash he started working for a booking agent. Everything was going well for a while and we even started paying back what we owed. However, out of nowhere the agent started throwing on crazy interest and making my husband take jobs that were dangerous and skirted on worse crimes than bookie. At first it was petty theft and then drug runs, last week he came home with blood on his hands. I didn't want to ask. I didn't want to know. Three days ago, our interest rate tripled again. Then yesterday he was sent on a run. The buyer was an undercover C-Sec agent. He was arrested on the spot."

Kolyat saw her hesitate rubbing at her arm unconsciously. He glanced at her wrist as she rubbed it, pulling up the sleeve a moment. He saw purple marks on her skin but averted his eyes back to hers. Someone else had paid a visit to her recently and he doubted her husband had done that to her. No wonder she drew a gun on him as soon as he entered.

"Claire, are you in trouble? If you are not safe here, I need you to let me know now."

"At the moment I'm safe. I just need to keep paying until Ryan is released."

"If I were able to get Ryan another job, would you be able to pay back the bookie and be left alone?"

"I think getting off the Citadel is the only thing that could really help, but even then they might find us."

Kolyat thought a moment. He might be able to pull some strings with someone he knew from Congregation for a job at the docks but getting them off the Citadel was something way over his head. That required a lot of credits to be pushed around and Bailey could not be involved. He couldn't even afford that kind of move right now and it wasn't just one person, it was the relocation of an entire family. The only thing that had allowed him to flee Kahje was the inheritance left by his father and that was done mistakenly which he had learned later on. What about a mining job on a colony? A whole family could be relocated with that, but he didn't know anyone with that kind of pull. Even if he did, they would all need new identities to allow their future safety, not including transport fees. That was even harder to afford and secure then the job. Maybe an information broker could help. _Shepard._

Kolyat let out a loud breath as he remembered that Shepard was an information broker now. Kolyat stood up suddenly as the idea fully took root in him. He didn't want to see her again and had no right to ask her for help, but he couldn't sit here and not try. Bailey had trusted him to help his family. Even though the thought of seeing Shepard again both pissed him off and excited him at the same time. _Would she even want to see me?_ _Can I even look at her with a straight face after what I did last night?_ No, he couldn't think like that. He had to try.

"Is everything alright?" Claire asked, blinking up at him in confusion from his sudden movement.

"I have an idea of how I might be able to help."

"You don't have to help, we got into this situation ourselves. You don't even know me."

"No one makes perfect choices, most of us have to pay for the repercussions of the decisions that we make. Good or bad. Your Uncle helped keep me out of jail. We wouldn't even be having this conversation if it wasn't for him and one other person preventing me from rotting in a prison cell right now.

"I know you lied about being an officer. Your badge was silver by the way, that means you're still in training. You can't have a C-Sec job if you have a criminal record." Kolyat grinned at her as he reached into the inner pocket of his jacket and removed a small box handing it to her.

"I take my exam in three weeks and then it becomes official, hopefully a nice shiny gold badge will be waiting for me after my test. I'll be back in a few days. You've had bad luck, let me see if I can turn it around, but you have to be willing to accept the consequences."

"So you owe my Uncle and he sent you?"

"I don't owe your Uncle anything anymore. He sent me because I'm one of the few people he can trust. I hope you can regard me the same."

Claire stared at him for a long while and he waited patiently until she gave him her answer. Her eyes hardened and she nodded in determination.

"All right. I'll take the chance, whatever you can do. I have no choice." Claire opened the small box revealing a credit chit and a small message chip. Kolyat motioned for her to wait a moment and took the credit chit from the box attaching it into his omnitool.

"There is always a choice Claire, whether you see it or not, it is there. The message in the box will delete after it is read. I'm transferring more money from my own account onto the chit."

"Kolyat, why are you doing this? I'm a stranger, you have no obligation to me."

"Because I feel like it. Because your situation is a little too familiar to me. Because you think I owe your Uncle. Because I'm such a nice guy. Make up a better reason if it makes you feel better." Kolyat transferred three hundred from his account and handed the chit back to Claire. It was all he could afford without dipping too low into his savings. His budget would be tight now for the rest of the month but he could pay his rent and still be okay until his next paycheck. When he started to leave he heard the woman sniffle behind him. Tears starting to flow from her eyes in quick streams. He glanced away in distress.

"Not to sound like an asshole, but please don't do that. I don't know what to do when women start to cry."

"You should just accept it." Claire smiled at him despite her sadness. "Even if you are not able to do anything more, just know that what you have already done is enough and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. My children will be able to eat now because of you and for that I will be forever grateful." Kolyat's throat started to constrict from the emotion that this woman radiated. He still wasn't sure exactly what he would be able to accomplish for her but he was going to at least make the effort. It almost seemed as if she had never received the kindness that he had just showed her, and if this was just one thing that he could do for someone in his whole C-Sec career. Then it would be a memory he would revisit often.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

She rubbed at her eyes roughly, the strain of staring at her screens was starting to take its toll on her. How long had she been working? Shepard checked her omnitool and frowned when she saw the time. Fourteen hours straight. She stopped typing and stretched her arms yawning loudly, leaning back in her leather chair deciding to call it a day despite the fact that she had been working through the night. Unlike yesterday she only had four clients scheduled today, but what had taken up all her time was the data she received at the C-Sec ball. A large part of her day had been spent sorting and recoding the information to send securely to Feron. The encryption and transmissions were taking forever and she was almost certain Liara would make him check up on her soon if it wasn't completed by tomorrow.

She switched screens to check her schedule for the next day. Only two appointments were lined up but she still had a large amount of data to sort through to service the clients she already had. She had nine hours until her next appointment. Plenty of time to go home, shower and catch a few hours of sleep. Stopping the transmission she started to power down her computers and pulled a tiny data chip from the drive, attaching it into a tiny slot within the necklace she wore. Just as she stood to grab her purse and leave the intercom on her desk went off, Narissa's voice coming softly over the speaker.

"Ms. Shepard, you have someone here to see you. He is very adamant about meeting with you right away."

Shepard sighed and rubbed the back of her neck, everybody always treated receiving information as an emergency. Like everyone's life depended on it and it was the end of the galaxy if they didn't locate their husbands hidden accounts stored away for three mistresses or the missing jewels that the mistress stole that belonged to the family dog. Then again, Narissa said it was a 'he' so maybe his girlfriend was fucking the neighbor or disappeared because she found that Krogan dick was bigger. Maybe he was fucking the mistress who stole the jewels from the dog and kept the Krogan as his getaway dick because he just found out he was gay. Shepard snorted as her mind ran wild. She was tired and she really wasn't in the mood for anything else tonight. She just wanted to go home and relax in quiet without weird stories or compromising situations for a bit. Clicking on the intercom she pulled the strap of her purse over her shoulder ready to leave.

"Tell them they will have to make an appointment. I'm done for the day." Just as she was leaving her office she heard the intercom come back on and Narissa's voice call out in anger.

"Let go! What are you doing?"

"I don't have time to wait for an appointment." A familiar man's voice took over the comm.

"I'm going to call security!"

"Yeah, good luck with that if I have the mic. Shepard…Shepard are you there?"

It was Kolyat's voice. Why was he here? What the hell did he want? Shepard stared at the intercom on her desk in confusion, already feeling anger grip her chest. If he just thought he could barge into her office and demand to see her, he had another thing coming. He was the last person on her list of people she wanted to see right now, tied between Kaiden and Udina. She didn't even care if he came here to apologize, there was nothing on the entire Citadel that would make her change her mind and let him in.

"Shepard please…I need your help." _Well shit. Except that._ His voice was soft with an undertone of sincerity almost pleading. She sighed and a shook her head wanting to scream knowing that she had promised Thane that she would look after him if he needed it. _Shoving your tongue down his throat was not keeping an eye on him. Shut up brain, were not going there!_

"Give Narissa back the comm Kolyat and give me a minute." Shepard walked back to her desk and started powering up her computers once more. Silly her, what actually made her believe that she would actually get a decent night's sleep. Just when she was starting to force herself to forget what had happened between them a few nights ago, the very man that haunted her thoughts had to show up at her office doorstep. How did he even find her? _Because you told him dummy and now he knows where you live too._ She still wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing. She heard shuffling through the intercom for a moment before Narissa's voice came back over the mic. _I guess I can't avoid him forever like I thought I could._

"Shepard forgive me, he yanked the comm off my head. I didn't realize Drells were that fast. He was really quick and I didn't want to use my biotics and destroy the office. Do you want me to call Security?"

"It won't help, He's C-Sec."

"You've got to be kidding."

"It's okay Narissa. I'll see him, let him through."

She turned back to her desk and stood behind it taking a deep breath to calm her already racing heart. Would it be childish to hide underneath the table and pretend she ran out? Just as the thought left her mind the doors opened and Kolyat walked in slowly glancing around periodically. His face was serious, eyes assessing the room and its set up critically. He really was sharper then he let on.

He wasn't wearing his C-Sec uniform. Did he just get off work? The blue lined leather jacket and pants hugged his body like a second skin. She secretly always hated and loved how erotic the Drell clothes were, conforming and moving with the muscles and curves of their tall lean bodies. Not all of them had the muscle mass of Kolyat though. She knew that his field training was the reason of his slight muscle growth and she hated to admit how well he carried it. A woman could get lost in his chest alone and if the kiss he gave her was just the beginning of what he could offer. No wonder he was a frequent bed hopper, he was racking up the experience. _Okay stop ogling the man!_

Shepard grit her teeth in annoyance. How dare he come in like a Drell wet dream… _wait, what?_ Forcing the terrible thought aside, she picked up the gun off her desk and aimed it at him. Kolyat's dark eyes shifted to her and then the gun, making him pause in mid step hesitantly. At least she now had his attention.

"Honestly, from what happened between us the last time we were together, I am not surprised by this welcome."

"What do you want Kolyat?" Shepard kept her voice hard and narrowed her eyes in calm irritation. Kolyat blinked at her slowly his own eyes narrowing as he studied her, the intensity of them unnerving. She could almost make out the slight blue of them. _If he just moved a little closer..._ Then suddenly he sneered at her and grinned, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Put the gun away Shepard, you're not going to shoot me." He said arrogantly. _That cocky little shit!_

"Are you sure about that?" She answered coldly clicking off the safety and loading the chamber. Did he really think she wouldn't do it? Did their first encounter teach him nothing? Despite that she only shot the gun out of his hand. She saw uncertainty flicker across his face and turn into displeasure, his voice was matter-of-fact. She had to give it to him, he was brave or incredibly stupid.

"If you wanted to shoot me, you would have already done it."

"You're right. I don't know why I hesitated."

Shepard fired her gun. One shot, that's all she needed. Kolyat stumbled back a step, she watched as the pain rushed across his features, his hand quickly moving to cradle his arm. She had aimed her gun to just graze him. The bullet ripped his scales open allowing blood to begin saturating the blue leathers turning them black. She already saw the bullet hole in the wall behind him and she grinned sardonically. _See what happens when you push me?_

"You crazy fucking bit-!"

"-You kiss your women with that kind of mouth?"

"I kissed _**you**_ with this mouth." He spat out venomously looking at his hand and the blood that coated his fingers. _What an asshole._

"You _**want**_ me to shoot you again?"

Kolyat gritted his teeth in fury his eyes burning into her with raging resentment but he remained quiet. She could see the effort it took him to keep his mouth shut by the tick of his jaw. She wondered if he grounded his jaw any tighter if his teeth would break. She put the gun down when his gaze went to his arm again, wincing as his fingers covered the wound. _Baby._ Taking a seat in her chair she eyed him stoically from across the room.

"Tell me what kind of trouble you're in."

"I'm not a fucking child Shepard. I didn't come here because I was in trouble." Sarah quirked an eyebrow at him intrigued now. If he wasn't in trouble what the hell was he doing here? Kolyat righted himself and took a deep breath to calm himself down. Shaking his arm he took a few steps closer to the seating area in the middle of the room. She saw that his blood had already started pooling on the top of his hand coating his scales, it had completely trailed down his arm. She had shot him worst then she thought if he was bleeding this profusely. He balled his hand into a fist, blood started dripping from his knuckles onto the floor. She frowned, she didn't mean to hurt him that bad. She didn't know why, but instead of sympathy she decided to egg him on.

"Would you mind not bleeding on my carpet?"

"Why? It is expensive to clean? Whatever side shit you have going on I'm sure you can afford it." He flicked his wrist causing the blood to splatter on her rug. The red blots already soaking into the lush white fabric. She huffed when he did it a second time.

"Are we still on that? You're such an asshole."

"I've been called worse and I'm sure you have as well."

Shepard forced back a snort. He was right about that, she had been called some pretty elaborate and colorful things over the course of her life. They stared at each other in silence for a long moment. He didn't move nor give any indication of speaking to her any time soon. He just stood there glaring, his hands balled into fists at his side, his chest rising and falling in deep controlled breaths. She sighed and waved her hand to usher him closer finally giving in. Maybe she could still salvage her carpet.

"Take a seat Kolyat. There's medigel in the drawer by the couch."

He hesitated for a moment glancing from the couch towards her and then the gun before finally deciding to approach the small seating area. _Good, he was learning._ Silently he opened one of the drawers removing a medigel she kept in there for emergencies. You never know when you would have to shoot your way out of a situation, right? Or maybe she kept them there just for this type of scenario. Shooting someone who made her upset was actually plausible and more likely than anything else.

Kolyat very slowly shimmied his way out of his jacket. His blinking was rapid and she knew he was fighting the sting from the bullet as he pried the leather down his shoulder and off his body. Folding it over the edge of the couch he made sure the blood covered sleeve was tucked into the confines of the material to not stain her sofa. Shepard watched him intently, staring at the way the muscles of his arms flexed and moved under his skin.

He was wearing a broad shouldered sleeveless vest underneath his leather holster, his pistol positioned right over his ribs. The silver zipper stopped at his upper chest but the material dipped low enough to display the thick silver Hikari around his neck. The dull metal laying against him like a second skin. She examined the color of his scales, the intricate shimmer consistent with his arms and chest. He had black stripes that circled downward from around his neck but was hidden by his leathers. She looked at the lines on his arms, in batches of three on his upper arms and lower forearms. She had a sudden thought that she wanted to see where else on his body the patterns could be displayed. She forced herself to look away from him, turning to her computer to stare at the screens blankly pretending she was working again. She knew he didn't see her eyeing him and she hated the fact that she was aware of how good looking he was. _Stop it! Boundaries._

The medigel was already starting to take effect when she glanced at him again. Noticing she had shot him deeper then she actually thought. She saw a section of his muscle right before the tendons started to heal and close. He hissed as the medicine worked, a shudder of breath escaping his throat. She knew the sensation of quick healing could be as bad as the sudden sensation of being shot, but in another moment he would only feel the dull after effect of a wound that no longer existed as his nervous system tried to catch up with the abrupt healing.

"May I use one of these cloths?" His tone drastically changing to politeness as he waited for her to answer. She nodded but got up quickly and crossed the room just as he was pulling the small wash cloth from the drawer.

"Here let me." She flexed her fingers to indicate for him to give it to her and went to the bathroom to wet it slightly before returning and taking a seat next to him upon the couch. She ignored the look of confusion he gave her as she wrapped her hand around his elbow to lift it to gently dab at the blood that coated his shoulder and arm. His scales were smooth and cool to the touch and she couldn't stop her fingers from trailing over one of the black markings as she worked her way to his bicep.

"I can finish the rest." He said softly their eyes meeting for a moment as she glanced up at him his fingers grazing against hers as he took the cloth from her grasp. She swallowed roughly and got up ignoring the hitch in her heartbeat before sitting across from him on the other couch.

"So…what type of help do you need?" _That's right bring the conversation back in, stop staring._

"Information. You _**are**_ an information broker now, right? Or is that just the cover story?"

Her lips quirked from his emotionless tone. He was still trying to bait her. He knew she was keeping secrets and wanted her to recognize that he was on to her, very blatantly.

"I _**am**_ an Information Broker, but what type of information are we talking about?" Kolyat sighed and looked up at her then just as he finished cleaning off the blood on his wrist and fingers.

"Look, before I ask, I need you to know that I need this as a favor. I don't have the kind of money brokers usually ask for right now. Your prices are outrageous."

"Do you need money?" She tilting her head quizzically scrunching her eyebrows in confusion.

"Don't insult me. I would never beg anyone for money. You above anyone else."

"I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to insult you. I'm trying to understand exactly what the situation is." His gaze softened as he regarded her. His shoulders relaxing as he leaned back against the couch getting more comfortable. He folded the bloody cloth and laid it on top of his jacket.

"I know. That's why I didn't get too angry from your comment."

"I guess I could learn something from you, huh?" Kolyat grinned slightly from her words and saw all the different remarks that could have come from his mouth. Why did she get a feeling that he was thinking something perverted? A moment of silence passed between them and as quickly as it came his eyes turned serious. The smile leaving his lips.

"I need you to find the location of a mining planet that is in need of workers. Nothing too dangerous. Something long term and decent paying."

"Looking to switch professions?" She grinned making a deep chuckle to vibrate from Kolyat's throat. The sound of his voice making her insides tighten in secret enjoyment, the air between them becoming a little clearer.

"Hardly. I need you to find a location where a whole family can be relocated. A family of four...I assume you check for bugs in your office?"

"Of course. Anything you say cannot be picked up by any outside detection. There's two different scramblers attached to the security system and a third on my computers." Kolyat nodded and leaned forward on the couch. He clasped his hands together and leaned his elbows on his knees, his gaze intense.

"This information does not leave this room. I have no one else who can help me with this. The relocation is for two adults and two children. One of each gender for both. I need the adult female and two children to be relocated as soon as possible. The adult male will follow in forty three days from today."

"Sounds easy enough."

"There's more."

"Of course there is." Shepard grinned crossing one of her legs over the other smoothing down the sapphire fabric of her knee length skirt. She ignored the way Kolyat stared at her legs a moment before meeting his eyes back to hers. Was he checking her out? _Of course he was, you almost begged him to fuck you._ She noticed Kolyat's mouth started moving. _Focus Shepard, he's talking!_

"I need all transport and docking fees taken care of or wavered. I can pay you back over time if you want."

"Now you're insulting me. I never beg for money." She said chidingly trying to mock his voice from earlier, making him snort at her and answer dryly.

"Very funny."

"I try to be." She wiggled her eyebrows trying to lighten the mood before answering seriously. "What if no one is hiring?"

"Pull some strings. I really need this done."

"No pressure, huh?"

"Show me how good you are, Shepard." She swallowed tightly and shifted on the couch in discomfort. A look passing through his eyes that was dark and almost sensual. Was he still talking about the information, or did his mind suddenly move to something else? _Please don't look at me like that._ Did he not care that she had just shot him? His words were a double edged sword and she had a vague feeling that he was soaking in everything about her. Kolyat looked away from her and frowned. She could tell there was still something he needed and he was trying to find the right words.

"Just tell me Kolyat. I know there's something else." She waited until he sighed rubbing the bridge of his nose giving in.

"They all need new identities. I need them to disappear, new ID's, new background records, new identification numbers, new lives…and I need a loan shark paid off."

"Now were going into black market territory." Kolyat nodded and continued.

"I need encrypted messages and enough credits, along with a secure location and deliverer that will not be discovered. The credits given have to be enough to make them want to forget about trying to find this family after it's done. I will do some digging and find out exactly how much were talking about here."

"No need to put yourself at risk."

"Do you not think I can do it?" His voice turned harsh but that wasn't the thought that had crossed her mind.

"Kolyat, your test is coming up. I won't have you jeopardize your future if you're discovered to be mixed up in any of this." _Mine is already fucked. "_ I'll take care of it."

"I understand, so you will help?" He blinked at her slowly, his inner eyes fluttering closed for a moment in nervousness.

"Of course I'll help you. You're trying to help someone else. What kind of monster do you think I am?"

"Someone who shoots first and then asks questions later." He said dryly making Shepard laugh from his words. He tilted his head to the side as he watched her reaction trying not to read too much into the way his eyes trailed over her.

"You might have just figured out my whole persona. Please don't let my enemies know, you'll ruin my element of surprise." The air between them felt natural now as she continued grinning at him cheekily. She saw his frills suddenly darken in color as he turned his head to grab the cloth and jacket off the arm of the couch. He grimaced as his fingers examined the tear in his sleeve, his digits pushing through the large hole. He sighed as his fingers lingered, grazing the leather. _Wow, he's really upset._ He stood and threw the jacket over his shoulder holding it with his fused fingers shoving the bloody cloth into the inner pocket of his leather coat. She could see it in her face, the garment was already beyond saving. Thane wouldn't have spoken to her for a week if she did that to his jacket, so she had a general idea of how upset Kolyat was.

"Leaving so soon?"

"I won't over stay my welcome. Come find me as soon as you get this information so I can notify the family."

"Anything else you want since I'm in such a giving mood?" She knew her words were dirtier then she meant them to be but Kolyat kept his face neutral as his eyes trailed over her body once again before meeting her eyes.

"Go out to lunch with me the day after tomorrow, my treat. There's something else I wish to discuss with you."

"Only if you tell me why you are doing this? Do you even know this family?"

Kolyat blinked at her slowly and turned to walk towards the door. At first she didn't think he was going to answer her but as the doors swooshed open he stopped and turned to her. There was such raw emotion in his eyes as he stared at her. Regret, sadness, longing, all gazing within his ebony depths. She could just barely make out the outline of his irises.

"Because everyone deserves a second chance."

He quickly turned and left her, the doors sealing as he moved from the sensors. Her stomach knotted as soon as she was alone, her heart hammering wildly as she thought about the way he just looked at her and how she secretly wanted to see it again. _Wait, did he just ask her out on a date?_

* * *

 _She fucking shot me. She actually fucking shot me!_ Despite the pain and what he thought might have happen, in the end she had decided to help him. He still couldn't believe it. He expected screaming or yelling, insults and heated exchanges. He didn't expect her to help him without ridicule, but there she was, concerned and willing to see what she could do. Even taking extra precautions to avoid him getting his hands dirty and caught if things went south. Although she did shoot him. _She punched you in the face the first time you met and then saved your sorry ass from prison, remember that?_ Maybe she was big on shock therapy? Did she shoot him in order to calm the situation down? _Did she just fuck with my head? Better yet, did I just ask her out on a date?_

As Kolyat heard the doors close behind him he paused and stared at the floor thinking about what had just happened, playing out everything in his head again. Relief from being able to keep his word to Claire filled his chest with a slight reprieve. In the end he trusted Shepard. He knew she wouldn't let him down. Despite a more than rough start to their meeting, he was content on how it ended, although his jacket was now trashed. _Shit. That was expensive leather._ He doubted he would be able to get the tear fixed or even be able to afford the repair. The cost of a new jacket right now was completely out of the question since he had just given Claire money from his savings.

Kolyat sighed as he decided to see just how much a fix might be and go from there. He knew under normal circumstances he would be completely enraged if another female had ripped his jacket, but this was Shepard. Truthfully, what he said to her the night before made him feel like her shooting him was actually overdue. He was lucky it was just his arm and not his dick…and she didn't exactly say no to meet him for lunch.

"Hey blue boy!" _Why do Asari's like to call me that?_ Kolyat glanced at the woman who sat behind the desk, her grey eyes studying him from head to toe. "Did you get what you came here for? I heard the gun shot. I was actually a little surprised that you didn't come running out a moment later. Your braver then you look, or incredibly stupid."

"Do many people get shot in her office?" Kolyat walked over to her desk curiously. If this woman wasn't surprised by the gun fire then apparently it was a normal occurrence. The woman shrugged and started typing on her computer again grinning.

"Perhaps. Why? Are you going to arrest me if I don't tell you?" She eyed him chidingly, looking him down from head to toe. He ignored her blatant flirting, he had already reached his threshold for female troubles for the next year and definitely did not want to get mixed up with Shepard's receptionist. Even he had morals. She _**would**_ shoot him in the dick next time if that happened. _Besides its Shepard you want._ Yeah...like that was going to happen.

"Narissa right?" Kolyat asked evenly making the Asari nod at him and smile wider. "I apologize for before, I just really needed to speak with her."

"It must have been important. You're lucky she saw you. Most of the time she will make people wait." Kolyat studied the woman, her perfect lavender skin and dark grey eyes. She had a full mouth with a sharp angular jaw, high cheek bones with almond shaped eyes. She was very attractive. _But she's not a red head. What the fuck brain. The bitch just shot you!_

"So you have any plans? Want to get a drink? I'm about to get off soon."

Kolyat narrowed his eyes and immediately frowned. Adjusting his hold on the jacket thrown over his shoulder he stuck his hand in his pocket and turned away. Was this woman insane? She was really asking him out after he just shy of assaulted her? What is wrong with women? This is why he didn't date anymore after his last girlfriend fucked with his head. They made no sense half the time and were only good for one thing and he definitely did not want to fuck one of Shepard's employees.

"Sorry, but I'm not interested. I have plans already."

"Oh…I see. I guess Asari's don't do it for you." Kolyat blinked slowly and sighed beginning to walk away not knowing what else to say to her to not appear like a total prick.

"I guess I'll see you around." He said quietly leaving the office. She said something else to him but his mind was already on other things and he did not hear her. Honestly he didn't even care what else she had to say. She was not his concern.

Slowly he made his way through the Zakera Ward going down a few levels until he reached a busy shopping area set up with specialized boutiques. His mind was a hurricane of thoughts. What had made him invite Shepard to lunch? The demand had spilled from his lips before he could stop it. What made it even worse was that she had accepted without a fight. What the hell was going through her head?

He couldn't believe how good she looked. Her hair had been down, cascading around her shoulders in waves of ruby silk. A stark contrast to the black blouse that she had worn. When she sat next to him he had to force his eyes away from the endless expanse of her legs, fighting an urge to run his hand up her thigh and know exactly what she would feel like between her legs. Would her skin be cool like a Drell's or would there be scorching heat to get lost in since her body had burned when he had kissed her.

That Asari from the night before had nothing on what Shepard could have been like if he didn't fuck up and say what he did. _No, you knew it was wrong. That's why you needed to stop._ Kolyat sighed for which felt like the hundredth time today. He needed to stop thinking about this. He needed to stop thinking about her. Maybe Taran would have an idea? Did he even want to tell him? Kolyat slowed his pace as he reached his friends store.

He had met Taran Amani in Congregation. He was an unbiased individual, always speaking his mind, observant and followed his ideals while keeping an open mind to others. He was honest, kind and goodhearted. Everything Kolyat wished he could be. He was religious, but did not obsessive over the fundamentals. He was upbeat and fun to be around, never quick to anger. The contrast between the two of them was what had made them close friends fast. He was loyal to those he cared about and his advice was always sound. Taran had just been bonded when he had met him and was easy to speak to when it came to woman. Especially when his previous relationship had started to sour.

The shop Taran owned was at the end of the level it resided on, called Drala'fa, the ignored. He always had a peculiar sense of humor. Drells were the smallest minority on the Citadel, only several hundred were believed to reside their and many people ignored them most of the time. They were dock workers, mechanics or common workers. A small few only came to accompany visiting Hanar. Some like Taran's mate Mira worked as researchers. Kolyat was the only one in C-Sec that he knew of. Normally you had to be sponsored by your races Council member to be accepted into the force, but because the Drells or Hanar did not have a Council seat he had to be highly recommended by someone in status and his application pushed through. That was where Shepard had come in.

Kolyat entered the boutique and immediately spotted his friend stocking jewelry from a steel case in the center of the store. As soon as the chimes went off Taran looked up and saw him. His dark eyes assessed him from head to toe before he grinned and went back to setting up a batch of bracelets that had most likely just arrived. He was a tall Drell, a little taller than him, with light gray scales. His face was paler then the rest of him, sometimes shimmering silver when he moved. His stripes, the ones that Kolyat could see, varied from black to a dark charcoal grey. Unlike most Drell, Taran's irises were a vibrant silver and easily seen from across the room. A striking contrast to the onyx that surrounded them. He wore a long white leather jacket set with grey shoulder pads and lining. He always carried himself with confidence and knew that his carefree easy going attitude was what drew him to the other Drell. No matter how much of a dick Kolyat was, and he knew he could be a real asshole, Taran always brushed it off without complaint.

"You don't look too happy. Bad day?"

"You could say that."

Kolyat went over and placed his jacket on the glass case beside the other Drell. Taran quirked an eyeridge at him when he noticed the blood on the sleeve. Picking up the jacket he examined the leather turning it over to survey every angle. Kolyat didn't say anything as his friend assessed the damage, grasping two of the gold bangles he helped set them up on the display stand. Sliding the large rings into the velvet holders. When Kolyat reached for a third bracelet Tarans fingers went through the large hole on the upper arm of his leather snorting in displeasure.

"You've been busy." Taran snickered looking over to Kolyat. His silver irises flashing in the display lights mockingly.

"Can you repair it?"

"I'm not sure this can be saved. I would have to replace the whole sleeve and shoulder pad. I'm not sure if the stitching will take."

"Yeah…" Kolyat answered hesitantly as he released an angry breath, placing a gold ring into a holder now. "I had a feeling you would say that."

"What happened?"

"I got shot." Kolyat said plainly. Taran gasped as he found the blood stained cloth and removed it from his inner pocket along with his badge and handed it to him. He placed the silver emblem into the back pocket of his pants and continued helping put the merchandise away.

"I can see that now. You no longer seem hurt, your scales weren't scarred were they?"

"No. Just my pride."

Taran laughed loudly and turned away taking the jacket with him tossing the red stained cloth into the trash can. Kolyat put the last ring in the display and closed the glass unit locking it before grabbing the transport case and following behind his friend. He placed the steel box on the counter and made his way over to the rows of leather jackets that lined the back corner of the shop. He glanced through them slowly. _Maybe I can find something new._

"So, you won't be able to fix it?"

"I can try if you want me to. I would need a few days."

"How much is this going to cost me?"

"Five hundred credits."

"Seriously? I might as well buy a new jacket." Kolyat saw a really nice one and pulled it out from the rack. It was deep black with a duller shade of ebony for the patchwork. The lining was a shinier obsidian and the front had three silver buckles. It was just the type of design that he was drawn to. "I like this one a lot. How much does this cost?"

"Kolyat, if you're complaining about five hundred I doubt you will be able to afford five thousand."

"Shit." Kolyat frowned and returned the jacket to its spot and made his way over to his friend. "I'm short on credits right now but can you try to fix it? I get paid in a few more days I can give you what I'll owe then."

"I know you're good for it. Your one of the few I actually trust in this Gods forsaken place."

"If you hate it so much, then why don't you return to Kahje?"

"I hate Kahje even more. Mira's work is here and she is happy, so I am happy. She doesn't want to leave, so were staying…and I love my store…and I know you would miss me." He smirked widely making Kolyat snort in denial.

"She has your dick in a vice. I hope you know that." Kolyat snickered making the other male laugh deeply.

"If she has my dick in a vice than trust me, that's exactly where I plan to keep it. Besides we're going to start trying for a baby soon and I don't want the moisture of Kahje anywhere near my child."

"Really? I mean…that's good."

"We all need to grow up sometime. Flying bullets of a C-Sec officer isn't for everyone you know."

"Actually I didn't get shot while on duty." Kolyat looked away from the other Drell rubbing the back of his neck in renewed aggravation.

"A bar fight than."

"Why do you think it was a bar fight?"

"Because I know you. You probably stole another male's woman."

"It wasn't a bar fight and I don't steal females."

"Now you have my interest peaked." Kolyat stayed quiet and rubbed the back of his neck again trying to decide if he wanted to say anything about why his jacket got destroyed. "Come on Kolyat, I tell you everything." Taran short of pleaded, poking him in the shoulder.

"That's because I'm dumb enough to listen."

"What are friends for then? Come on, let's be like a couple of females and dish our secrets shall we?"

"Should I start painting your nails?"

"If that sort of thing turns you on. I'm going to be a dick and make you do each one a different color." They both chuckled casually from their lightheartedly harassment. Kolyat took a deep breath and thought for a moment exactly what he wanted to say. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose sighing again. The whole Shepard situation still fresh in his mind. The beautiful, psychotic, sexy, fucking alluring bitch that was Shepard. If anyone would understand it was Taran, he trusted him not to say anything. But how much was he willing to admit?

"I'm…attracted to this woman."

"Seriously? That's what has you all worked up? What else is new? I'm starting to wonder if there's any women left you haven't slept with on the Citadel."

"Taran I'm serious." Kolyat frowned and the expression on his face made Taran hesitate.

"Interesting. I see that now. So what does one have to do with the other?"

"I kissed her the other day and said something…inappropriate." ' _If you want, you can pretend I'm him. I'll even let you call me by his name if you prefer.'_

"That sounds about right."

"Taran." Kolyat growled in warning. Didn't he see how much this was upsetting him? How hard it was to talk about?

"Apologies, continue please. How exactly did you put your foot in your mouth?"

"I accused her of thinking about someone else when I tried to get her to invite me in. I…told her to do it."

" _ **Why**_ would you do that?" Taran asked in confusion leaning his chin upon his palm as he rested his elbow on the glass. Kolyat groaned and leaned on the counter covering his face with his hands.

"I don't know. I just…I think I was looking for an excuse to stop. We shouldn't have even done that. I think I panicked."

"Really? You never panic with females. I personally think you were trying to get off in a different way _**or**_ you were just being an asshole. So that means you were just being yourself. You should have just slept with her and been done with it like you usually are. You didn't even need to talk for that."

"No…not with her. I don't think I could do that with her. I don't think I would want to."

"So ask her out on a date." He shrugged nonchalantly. Why did he think it was so easy? _But you did invite her out for lunch._ No, that wasn't a date. He just wanted to apologize.

"That's…not going to happen. When I went to her today I provoked her and she shot me." Taran started laughing.

"Did it ever occur to you that a simple, I'm sorry, might have prevented you from getting shot?"

"I didn't get the opportunity."

"And you're still attracted to her despite what she did? You bring a new meaning to the phrase 'liking it rough'." Kolyat swatted Taran's hand out from under his chin who laughed impishly.

"It doesn't matter. We shouldn't get mixed up with one another."

"Kolyat. It's not like you to get worked up over a female, especially after what happened with Zahria. If you like her, apologize and take her out to lunch or tea or dinner, whatever glides your ship. If she says no or go fuck yourself, at least you'll know where you stand. If you're a glutton for punishment then keep asking her until she gives in…or shoots you again."

"I am taking her out to lunch the day after tomorrow, but it's not a date." At least he didn't think it was. "It's complicated."

"Everything is complicated with you."

"Why do I even talk to you?" He spat in rising ire unable to keep the aggravated till from his voice. Taran just sighed at his display, dismissing his rising irritation.

"It's because I'm one of the few who will actually listen to your bullshit. Look, it's simple, just ask the woman out for real. If she shot you then that means you unnerved her. If you say it's complicated than that means that kiss meant something she probably didn't want to accept either. You're both probably looking for excuses and creating imaginary demons that aren't there." Kolyat thought for a moment as the rest of their exchange played out in his head again. She had helped clean his arm, her hands lingering on his skin, fingers tracing over one of his stripes. He had noticed her staring at him as he removed his jacket. Her eyes trailing over his body causing her cheeks to redden which he pretended not to see. _No. Stop seeing things that aren't there. She shot me because I pissed her off._

"It's either that or she hates you and then you shouldn't even bother anymore." Kolyat swallowed roughly. _Yeah, she's only helping you because you're his son._

"I'm leaving, I have to study." He said in dismissal shoving his hands in his pockets as he turned to leave. "I'll see you at Congregation in a few days. Tell Mira I said hi and contact me when the jacket is fixed."

"It's humbling isn't it?" Kolyat looked back at Taran who was looking down at his counter, running his hands over the glass slowly. "Finding a woman who doesn't give in easily. Someone who can challenge you and meet you eye to eye. It drives our instincts, makes us succumb to their desires just to gain one more minute in their presence. You don't realize it until they have filled up every part of you, their soul consuming yours."

"Are we talking about me? Or you and Mira?" Kolyat asked a little harshly feeling unnerved by Taran's antics.

"I wonder." The grey Drell grinned at him sardonically and stared at him head on making Kolyat frown and suck his teeth. _And people call me the jerk._

"Do me a favor. Don't sell that black jacket. I want to buy it."

"I'm selling it to the next person who shows interest in buying leather, just to spite you now."

Kolyat sucked his teeth again and walked out feeling a little better but still confused about what he should think about Shepard. As he reached the transport to the Zakera Ward his final thoughts before getting in was how another woman had just cost him hundreds of credits and that he still wasn't sure if it was a date.

* * *

"You don't see many Drells on the Citadel." Narissa said as Shepard exited her office about an hour later. Trying to get a head start on the information that Kolyat needed. She had already found a few mining colonies looking for workers but she still needed to analyze the data on their casualties and safety records. If Kolyat was willing to go out of his way and jeopardize himself for this family then she would make sure that they would be safe and comfortable. She glanced at Narissa as she passed her desk, adjusting her blouse and smoothing down the front of her skirt. Trying not to remember the look in Kolyat's eyes when she had caught him staring at her legs.

"I think there's only a few hundred that live here."

"I always thought that they had this air about them that makes them mysterious. It's too bad you're not into Drells Shepard, because tall, dark and handsome just walked out the door." She hated to admit it but Kolyat was good looking. _In that handsome punk, sexy asshole kind of way._ What? No he wasn't. He was a bastard. _A beautiful bastard._ Shepard sucked her teeth, she needed a drink. Her brain felt like it was about to explode.

"Yeah…it's too bad they don't do it for me." Her voice felt empty and she just wanted to go home now.

"I tried to ask him out."

"What did he say?" She asked trying to sound like she didn't care. _You don't care._ Why did her heart rate just triple and dread grip her stomach? _Please don't tell me he accepted._

"He had this scowl on his face like I smelt bad or something." Narissa laughed and waved her hand dismissively. "He refused me, very rudely I might add and walked out."

"I think he's just focusing on his studies." _Yeah, that had to be it._ There would be no other reason that Kolyat would refuse time with Narissa. She was beautiful, smart and had this natural charm that always landed her dates every night of the week. "He has an exam in a few weeks and he's applying for a promotion."

"So…he has a good job, works hard, has plans for the future, didn't run after you shot him, and tall, dark and handsome, hmmm…."

"No, Narissa. Not him, anyone but him."

"I am just pointing out the perks. If he's a close acquaintance and you don't want to be hounded at the Unveiling next week perhaps you should ask him to accompany you. At least it will keep a lot of unwanted attention away…and if you just happen to get drunk and sleep together, then you won't be so grumpy when you come in to work the next day."

"I am _**not**_ going to sleep with him."

"With the way he acted towards me, unfortunately I'm not going to either." Shepard snorted despite herself and shoved Narissa's shoulder playfully.

"Can we ever get through a whole day without talking about fucking someone?"

"I don't think it's in my nature." Shepard continued laughing at Narissa's serious expression.

After they said their good byes Shepard decided she didn't want to go home just yet. Despite working through the night it was still relatively early, only twelve hours into the twenty hour day cycle of the Citadel. Maybe she should do some shopping? After wandering around aimlessly for a little while staring at passing windows and different kiosks she couldn't help but feel restless.

This last week had been a roller coaster of weirdness in stark contrast to the last year which had been pretty straight forward. _Leave it to Kolyat._ And she thought she radiated spent most of her time now working or sleeping, never really deviating from that order. Once in a while she would go to a bar or party to mingle but most of the time she just kept to herself. In the Alliance there was always a mission, always an objective to complete. Always something to do, somewhere to be, someone to find. She never had a moment to herself to just think. Her life was a whirlwind of gun fire and death. Even after her own she barely had a moment to herself. Until Thane.

He had showed her what it meant to slow down and enjoy the moment. Despite the fact that they had been racing against time, he consumed her in minutes of pure bliss and overwhelming emotion. She had found him in a moment of deadly grace and precise movements. His wisdom and unending patience had pulled her away from the haunting moments that had made her feel lost, almost drowning in an abyss of darkness. In return she had saved him from the emptiness that had threatened to drown him as well. He had been exactly what she needed at the time of her life where she had needed it the most. _You have to accept that he is gone and that you are still here without him._

She had to admit though, this last year was more of a blur now that she thought about it. She felt so empty inside, so unlike her former self. Sometimes she even wondered if anyone would miss her if she disappeared completely. _Maybe I should go back to Earth?_ Her family was still there, although she had a sinking feeling that her dad might accuse her of hiding. Maybe Narissa was right. Maybe she needed to go out on a date. A depressing thought entered her mind as she wondered how long it would take someone to run as soon as they realized how fucked up she actually was. _No one will ever understand the things you had to do. You will never be able to confide in anyone again._

Shepard sighed and hesitated as she thought about Kolyat. Maybe shooting him was a little bit of an over-reaction? She never spent much time with him before and it unnerved her how much he seemed to get a reaction out of her, how much her body was aware of him. Maybe she should replace his jacket? She could see the anguish in his eyes when he put his fingers through the sleeve. Being a C-Sec recruit she had a feeling if he had come to her asking for help as a favor he probably didn't have the credits to replace what she had damaged. Maybe she could give it to him when they went out for lunch? Why did he ask her out anyway? On second thought why did she automatically accept without question? _Because you want to see him again._ Fuck. You. Brain.

Shepard sighed in aggravation as she pushed the nagging thoughts away deciding to do a search on the externet of where she could find good quality Drell leather. She followed the map down several levels in the Zakera Ward until she reached a platform in a section she had never been to before. Looking around she didn't see the store that was flagged on her onmitool until a dark brown and gold faced Drell had caught her attention. If you're looking for a Drell store, might as well follow one right?

She slowly followed behind him watching the way his tall lean body moved in his dark yellow and black leathers. Not even a moment later he had turned into a store and disappeared behind the glass entryway. Drala'fa was etched in black letters within a silver hexagon shape with two crescent moons facing outward on each side. She smiled to herself as she stared at the familiar symbol. It was a scale marking present on the forehead of every Drell she had ever met and she found it ironic that it would be the symbol for this particular store, or perhaps fitting.

Making her way inside she noticed immediately that the shop was set up like a boutique and was bigger than she thought it would be. Several glass display's and showcases lined the outside walls and in the center. The man she saw enter was in the back speaking to another male Drell who had a large book on the counter pointing to something within it. When she entered past a certain point a soft ring went off. It was a light melody and reminded her of wind chimes, the pure sounds were gentle and quite pleasant. The two men turned towards her and the one behind the counter smiled and waved. His grey scales shimmering silver in the light.

"If you need any help, just let me know. I need just a moment."

"Thank you, take your time." She smiled and nodded at him.

Shepard browsed through the store, slowly walking and admiring the different guns and knives lined within the cases. Some of the styles were familiar, certain shapes and blades similar to the ones she had on display in her own home that belonged to Thane. Many of the guns were interesting though, with wider trigger guards to accommodate their fused fingers but thinner barrels for sinks. _Was that a new Viper?_ Shepard admired the sniper rifle, its sleek black design and structure flawless in design. It had a sighted scope and quick detachable bipod. It even came with a monopod for better stability and a carry handle that snapped against the side when in use. _Holy hell, I think I'm in love._ She had to fight the urge to press her face against the glass and drool.

She forced herself to move on to the next cluster of display cases near the center of the store. These held a wide variety of bracelets, rings and necklaces. All with different colors and markings. She noticed a section of thick necklaces and started wondering if the different colors meant anything significant. Thane's was a thick silver and so was Kolyat's. When she glanced up at the two men she noticed theirs were different. The one that came in had a thick silver one but the shop keeper had a thick gold with carvings over the surface where his collar bone was. As if sensing her stare the shop keeper glanced back at her.

"Is everything alright?" He asked gently titling his head to the side his dark eyes looking at her in puzzlement. Silver irises shining at her in curiosity. Shepard blinked back her embarrassment for being caught watching them.

"I apologize. I didn't mean to stare. I was admiring your necklaces…your Hikari's"

"Ah, someone who is not Drell but familiar with some of our words." The customer said smiling turning towards her. His black eyes glinting in amusement.

"My close friend had one, different marking's though."

"Was it silver like mine or gold like Taran's?"

"It was thick silver."

"Was?" The shopkeeper asked softly who she now knew was named Taran.

"His Hikari was given to me when he was returned to the deep over a year ago. Keprals Syndrome." The two men nodded in understanding.

"I am sorry for your loss. It is never easy to lose a lover. I lost my first girlfriend to Keprals." The brown skinned Drell held up his hand to usher her closer and as she approached them she hesitated in her steps.

"How did you…I never said we were lovers." The two men exchanged a look but it was Taran who smiled and answered her first.

"The Hikari is always given to the lover or bonded mate. If there are none, then the eldest child. If no children were conceived, then it is returned to the deep along with the deceased."

"It is rare for a human to take a Drell lover or vice versa. It is good to know that there are those out there that are accepting of our beliefs. Come I wish to show you something. You said my order arrived, right Taran?"

Taran nodded and bent down beneath the counter producing a thin stack of velvet jewelry boxes. He opened each one and placed them side by side. The biggest box was a gold Hikari with intricate waved patterns over the surface. The second box was a smaller thinner Hikari, with several emeralds that sat near the center where it would rest at the hollow of the throat. The third was a set of matching gold bracelets. One bigger than the other.

"A Drell Hikari shows their status in our culture. When a male is of age he receives his first Hikari. Thin silver means he is ready to take on a mate and is eligible for consideration. Females only wear it when they are actively looking for a mate. That is how they let us know that they are single and considering a bonding. For males, thick silver means they are in a relationship or not interested. A male will present a thin gold Hikari when he asks to be bonded, like the equivalent to a human engagement ring. Thick gold for both means bonded."

"So these Hikari-

"Nikoylt is having his bonding ceremony next week. These are the Hikari's that the priests will bless and they will present to one another. Like wedding rings for your species. The gold bracelets are used when vows are made."

"Congratulations. I wish you both all the happiness in the world and hope Arashu blesses your union." Taran and Nikoylt's eyes both widened slightly in surprise when she mentioned their deity. The brown Drell brushed his hand down the front of his yellow and black leather jacket as she watched his soft pink frills redden in color.

"Thank you. I am confident to say that Reya and I will have a strong bond. I will be her only Haru."

"Haru? I am not familiar with that word."

"The closest translation would be husband. In Drell society it is acceptable for a female to take multiple Haru's. Our numbers are small and the females even smaller, sometimes one to every five or six males. Once a couple decides to have a child if one is not produced within five years than it is plausible for the Matriarch to demand another Haru. Every couple is different of course but the Haru has to be agreed upon by both bonded, sometimes it is even a family member. Personally, I am not like Taran here, men are not attractive to me so another Haru will not work for us."

"Just throw my business out there, but I never said I was attracted to men." The grey skinned Drell blinked slowly and frowned.

"But you mentioned you would take another Haru."

"If Mira wishes it of me, then I would be obligated to consider it. If we can find someone we can both consent on, then I would allow it, even after we had a child. I would not deny my Hara anything she asks for."

"You're stronger than me. Just the thought of someone else touching Reya drives me to the point of frenzy. When the time comes for a child I will do my best for Reya so her Matriarch doesn't consider it."

"Well, just don't allow it to be because of a lack of trying, ok?" Shepard spoke up to ease the tension making Nicoylt laugh heartily while Taran snickered who began closing up the velvet boxes and storing them away. The brown Drell looked down at his omnitool and frowned.

"My break is almost over. I have to run. It was a pleasure speaking with you." Nicoylt quickly bowed slightly to her before looking back to Taran and waving. "I will see you next week at the ceremony."

"I look forward to it." Taran spoke gently waving back as he watched him go. When Nicoylt left he turned all his attention to her and smiled. "So, were you looking for something in particular, or just browsing?"

"Actually, I'm interested in buying a leather jacket."

"Not a problem. Let me show you what I have in stock. This way please." Taran walked around the counter and guided her to the back corner of the store where several racks had different length and color jackets. He pulled out a deep crimson one with black trimming and gold buckles.

"This one would look lovely with your hair and skin tone. The cut is elegant enough to show off the curves of your body. There is extra leather stitched in the chest to accommodate human breasts. If this one does not sit right we can have it modified a bit, but I think this would be a perfect fit for your shape." Shepard ran her hand down the soft leather admiring the style, feeling the cool soft material beneath her fingertips. It was extremely beautiful and truthfully Taran knew his products, the color and cut were perfect. She had to remind herself that she wasn't here for her. Although she had a fleeting thought that she would rock the fucking Citadel in that jacket.

"Actually, that jacket is amazing but I'm not here for me."

"Ah, apologies. Is it for a human or…?"

"A Drell." Taran nodded and put the red leather back moving over to a longer line of jackets.

"Male correct? Do you have a particular color you are looking for then?"

"Actually, now I'm not so certain about what he might like."

"Then permit me to ask this. What color are his scales? What are his markings like? Where are his stripes?"

"His scales are blue but…not exactly. They have a soft shimmer to them that change between blue, teal and then to green depending on the lighting. His irises are a dark blue. His markings are black. He has some here and here along his ridges and above his eyes." Shepard pointed to her cheeks and head. She noticed Taran was giving her a peculiar look as she started describing Kolyat but in a moment it was quickly replaced with intrigue.

"How…interesting." He said as if he just realized something. He stared at her for a long moment, his eyes trailing over her features and body as if he was trying to take in everything about her. _What the hell?_ "Does he know you are buying this for him?"

"No…I… kind of ripped the jacket he owned and I could see it in his face that he was a little more than pissed about it." Taran snorted back a laugh but covered his mouth forcing himself to remain quiet.

"I apologize again. Good leather is quite expensive I can understand his anger. This one I believe would be prefect for your…friend?" Shepard nodded and watched as Taran pulled out a long sleek jacket. It was mostly a dark black with a dull sheen that avoided reflection. It had smoky black patches trailing down the sides along with shoulder pads that matched in color and ebony trimmings that were shinier. Three large dull metaled silver buckles lined one side. She blinked in awe. _Kolyat would look so good in that._ Wait, did she just think that?

"Do you like it?" A smile curved over Taran's lips as he watched her reaction.

"I think I love it." She answered almost absently still beating herself up mentally from her previous thought. Taran grinned wider and nodded taking her back towards the counter but she hesitated. Did Kolyat own matching pants? The only pants she had ever seen him in were either his C-Sec uniform pants or two different versions of black and blue leather. As if sensing her thoughts Taran spoke as he folded the jacket and placed it on the glass counter.

"Do you wish to buy matching pants, or perhaps a vest?"

"You're really good." Taran chuckled deeply in appreciation. The purr of his voice vibrating in his throat gravelly.

"A good salesman should always anticipate his client's needs."

"I'm not exactly sure what his size might be though."

"That is not a problem, I can most likely guess his size by the cut of the jacket. If it turns out not to fit him I will be more than happy to replace the clothes... but I have a feeling that won't be the case." Taran grinned and walked back around the counter and went to a few shelves next to a row of vests. He moved through them quickly until he found a black and dark teal vest along with black leather pants to match the jacket.

"This vest will work to bring out all the darkness of the jacket and pants, it will also off set the color of his scales and match. If the lighting hits it correctly then the blue of his irises will be seen easier." _Holy crap, he's really really_ _good._

Shepard went back towards the counter as he started folding the clothes neatly. Reaching underneath the counter he pulled out a large black rectangular box and lined it with a white cloth placing the pants first and then the jacket. He folded the vest and inserted in within the jacket to display it professionally.

"May you permit me to ask you something?"

"You already did." Shepard grinned making Taran chuckle softly.

"Then an observation. This…male that you are buying the outfit for, he must be someone you care about greatly."

"Why do you think that? I'm just replacing what was damaged."

"With interest. He could most likely get his jacket mended. It is not necessary to spend as much as you are if he is just an acquaintance." Taran stared at her stoically and she tilted her head thoughtfully as she met his gaze head on. She couldn't fight the small smile that spread over her lips. Why was he so concerned about who she spent her money on? After a few seconds the grey skinned Drell quirked an eyeridge when he realized she wasn't going to answer and looked away continuing to close up the box and tie a white satin ribbon around it.

"I take it back." She eventually answered making Taran look up at her in curiosity. "I think you're the worst salesman ever." She grinned at him to let him know that she was only joking and he returned her smile with one of his own continuing to fold an elaborate bow on the top of the box.

"I did not mean to pry. I just think that perhaps he might mean more to you than you would care to admit" Shepard quirked an eyebrow at him in confusion. What the hell was this guy getting at? Can't a girl just buy a gift without a hidden agenda? Suddenly Taran coughed and looked away his pale pink frills blushing red in embarrassment. "Forgive me. My Hara tells me I have trouble holding my tongue."

"It sounds like she keeps you in your place. In the best way possible." Taran laughed as he finished the bow, creating several layers of puffed satin and swirls tying the box closed elegantly.

"Yes, she is a good woman. Much better than I."

"She sounds like a keeper."

"When I bonded with her, I had planned just that. The gift is ready. That will be nine thousand credits."

Shepard hit a few buttons on her omnitool and pulled out the small credit chit in her purse and handed it to Taran. He swiped it on the top of his data pad and waiting for the funds to clear.

"Sarah Shepard? Like Commander Shepard?" She placed a hand on her hip and smiled gently. "I must say this is a very pleasant surprise…more than you might imagine. It is an honor to meet you."

"Thanks, but if you ask for my autograph I better get a discount." Taran laughed giving the chit back to her. She thanked him again and waited until he put the box in a plain shiny black bag and handed it to her.

"If you come again, I will hold you to that."

"Deal. I'll even endorse your store. We can have a little prompt that says 'I'm Commander Shepard and this is my favorite store on the Citadel.' I'm sure your sales would triple." Taran snorted back another laugh as she grinned taking the bag and waving to him as she turned to leave.

"Ms. Shepard." The call of her name caused her to pause just as she was leaving. She turned back to the grey skinned Drell a wicked grin spreading widely over his lips. "I hope it works out with your…friend. He will love the jacket, _**that**_ I can promise you."


	5. Chapter 5

**Autho rs Note: ** Like life these things tend to happen and always at the moments we least expect them. My husband thought of this idea and I decided to run with it. Let's throw another Drell into the mix, shall we?

Chapter 5

She dropped the bag from Drala'fa and walked sluggishly into the apartment, not even bothering with the lights. It had been over twenty four hours since she had slept last and the events of the day were starting to catch up to her. Walking over to her bar she checked some messages on her omnitool from Garrus and Tali who had both been summoned back to their home worlds. She enjoyed the little updates. The tidbits of frustration and friendly banter and even the three way messaging that always resulted in an argument between the two. Although she secretly thought that they were seeing one another and not telling her yet. Pouring herself a drink she took a deep swallow and sighed. Everyone's life was going on without her and she couldn't help but feel frozen in place as if she were being left behind. Slowly she could feel the edges of the mask she wore slip away from her façade as she stared at the light brown liquid in her glass.

Her mind wandered to the blue Drell who out of nowhere started taking over her thoughts. Kolyat had come to her for help and seeing him in her office again had made her more aware of him since the night they had seen each other at the C-Sec Ball. All her doubts and all her confusion coming back to the surface when her hand had touched his skin, fingertips tracing the outline of one of his stripes. Her stomach had tightened when his eyes had lingered over her legs, her pulse speeding up when their hands had touched. Her skin had started to heat and she was shamed by her body's reaction. She should have never allowed him to kiss her in the first place. Now she had all these forbidden thoughts swimming in her head. The remembrance of what his hands had felt like on her body. A moment that allowed her to forget who she was, and what she represented.

Shepard downed the glass in two more heavy gulps before refilling her cup and chugging the rest. She worried because this is how she had reacted the first time she had met Thane. The lingering looks, the soft caresses. Despite him being an asshole she genuinely looked forward to meeting him for lunch even though she knew it was most likely to discuss what had happened between them. Hopefully he would just agree that it had been a mistake. Maybe she could blame it on the liquor. _But Kolyat had barely drank anything._ At least not with her.

Would he want more? Wait a minute, what was she thinking, this was Thane's son. On top of that he was inexperienced in the life she had lead. _He would never understand the darkness inside of you._ Shepard could feel her chest grow heavy as the first waves of dread started to grip her lungs, the edges of her vision going red. She slowly backed away from her bar glancing down at her hands until she bumped into her couch, her breathing picking up speed. _The blood._ She could almost smell something burning in the distance. The acrid pungent smells of melting metal and plastic combined with the putridness of burning flesh.

She glanced at the floor, flashes of grime and alien fluids covered the wood. She closed her eyes and shook her head. The loud blaring sounds of the reapers echoing and snarls of the husks made her look around frantically as memories from the Prothean artifacts swirled right behind her eyes, forcing the first scream from her lips.

 _Oh God._ The feeling of terror overwhelmed her and she fell to the floor scrambling across her living room blindly until she reached the other couch and side table where she stored one of her guns. Pulling herself to her knees, she aimed it out in front of her, popping a sink into the chamber. Her chest rose and fell rapidly as her lungs struggled to pull in air from her panic filled gasps. The fight or flight reflex taking over her senses…and then there was nothing. Just her and the quiet of her apartment. No blood, no grit…she was safe. _You're here…your fine…your alone, just like you were meant to be._

Slowly she could feel herself start to calm as she dropped the gun to her side, hiccupping air that slowly retreated from her lips. The emptiness taking its place back within her. She shivered against the cold of it, against the void that filled her up. Glancing down at the gun she thought about some of the choices that she had made. The lives that she had taken in cold blood and those that no matter what she could have done, were unavoidable and ultimately her fault. Her humanity had been replaced with death and darkness, and her soul replaced with the screams of those that she had killed, of those that she had been unable to save.

No matter how hard she tried; no matter how hard she pushed herself to be stronger, be faster, be everything everyone could need of her; there were always the voices of the dead to haunt her. The disappointment in the eyes of those she cared about, holding back their thoughts and telling her what kind of monster she really was. In this moment it was all that was left, the voices of the dead whispering within her mind and the regret that followed.

She fell to the floor against her couch, her knees no longer able to hold her weight. The murmurs growing louder, the nightmares she fought against every night spilling out into her daily life. She brought her legs to her chest and buried her face in her knees, futilely covering her ears with her hands. Desperate to make it stop. Her thoughts ran wild until the sounds became a dull roar of anguish, until only one voice boomed above the rest, but was still just a whisper that she could almost feel caress her flesh.

 _Siha._

She gasped and lifted her head, staring out into the darkness of the room and into the night of the presidium that peaked out through the semi closed blinds just beyond. The voices were now gone replaced with silence and the waves of water as her eyes pooled and burned. Alone, she sat unmoving, waiting in the darkness that gripped not only her mind but her heart…and the empty spot where her soul should have been.

* * *

"The most likely of places will be the Cruiser Unveiling next week."

"Who would want to kill me?" Shepard blinked innocently at her center monitor as she watched Feron's expression change to disbelief, his dark eyes narrowing at her in contemplation.

"That is not a serious question, is it?"

"Only if they think they are actually going to kill me." Shepard flashed her teeth in a wide grin as she leaned back in her chair and crossed one leg over the other. She stared at the colorful Drell in amusement as he closed his eyes and chuckled lightly.

"If only you could make this vanish with confidence alone."

"You are able to make this vanish, right Feron?" Shepard hardened her gaze and lowered her voice indicating to Feron exactly what she meant. She knew her eyes changed when she did that, growing cold and dark, unforgiving. He snorted at her adjusting himself in his chair clearly unfazed.

"Trust me, I am trying to do just that but their slippery bastards. The information gathered has been less than insignificant. Whoever they are, they are hiding their tracks well."

"I trust you. I know you'll flush them out."

"I appreciate your faith in me." His dark eyes searched her face the hazel irises flashing as he leaned back in his chair thoughtfully. "You have to give a speech at this event right? You'll be distracted, that will most likely be the perfect opportunity for them to take the shot."

"That's what I was thinking but do you think they would risk me appearing as a martyr?" Shepard knew that the event would be recorded live, streaming on the Citadel, Earth and the Alliance colonies. If anyone were to kill her to make a statement, the most logical time would be during that open window.

"I don't think it matters as long as they kill you." He had a point. She had too many enemies to count. Most who would be more than happy to kill her in any way, shape, or form. "Do you have a date yet?" He asked out of the blue pulling her full attention back to her monitor. The different colors of his scales striking and hypnotizing to look at; directing her gaze to run over every aspect of his face.

"Did Liara put you up to that question? Did she tell you to ask me that?" It was plausible for Liara to plant a bug in her office that she was unaware of and told Feron to ask her that for kicks. Feron blinked at her in confusion shifting in discomfort. She could tell from his expression that her question had caught him off guard.

"Uh, no…I just thought maybe…since you were available now…"

"Are you interested?" She blurted suddenly with a hint of teasing grinning at him as she watched his expression change from cautious to thoughtful. _Was he being serious?_ He paused a moment, his eyes shifting over her own features in curiosity. He was also trying to read her.

"I could go with you if you want. Keep an eye on you. I can arrive the night before the Unveiling."

"You really want to do that?" His eyes ran over her again until a confident smile slowly crept over his lips.

"Actually, yeah. We could get some real nice rumors flying…paint the town red. I'm sure you know how to show someone a good time."

"Are you sure? My idea of a having good time usually involves something blowing up behind me." Feron snorted and laughed.

"We can make it dramatic, hair blowing in the wind, N7 logo right there for everyone to see. We can take pictures and add the Alliance symbol right behind you for flair. You could sell that picture for really good credits." Shepard laughed along with him, she was already the face of recruitment for the Alliance despite her 'retirement' and past incarceration which was kept under wraps. The Citadel would probably use that for more leverage, 'Home of the hero' in big red letters across her picture.

"I appreciate it Feron but there's going to be reporters everywhere with pictures and interviews. You working for The Shadow Broker isn't exactly a life in the limelight. We can't compromise your identity."

"Shepard, I would really recommend taking a Drell. Our eyes are better able to see the glint of weapons better than other races. The dim lighting has no effect on us and our hearing is better. We can notice subtle changes in behavior and body language easier, not to mention our speed and agility make us better protectors."

"I know perfectly well what your bodies are capable of." Shepard said absently and swallowed heavily as she realized exactly what she said. A wide toothy grin spread across Feron's lips as he openly stared at her suggestively.

"I just took that in so many different ways."

"I'm sure you did."

"Now I really want to go with you...and show you exactly what my body is capable of." _He_ _ **is**_ _being serious._

"Are you insinuating something?" She quirked her eyebrow at him and crossed her arms over her chest trying to fight her own teasing smile from surfacing again not exactly sure if she wanted to turn him down yet. _What exactly is he offering?_

"Maybe I am." His gaze turned serious and dark as he glanced behind him and then leaned into the monitor lowering his voice. Clearly not wanting Liara to hear him.

"I didn't know you were attracted to Humans."

"I'm not, but I _**am**_ attracted to you. I'll let you take the lead and show me a few things. After…well, I'm sure you'll enjoy the ride."

"You wouldn't feel uncomfortable being with me?" _Holy shit!_ She wasn't going to lie, the thought of being with him both excited her and felt a little weird. She had never thought about him like that before. _It's better to think of him that way than Kolyat._ Shut up inner voice, you're getting on my nerves!

"Too late to stop this conversation from happening now I guess. But no, I wouldn't. It's just sex Shepard. You only make it as weird as you want it to be. If you wanted something more…" Feron glanced behind him again and lowered his voice even more. "We can always discuss that after I get there."

"Actually…let me think about it Feron." He smiled slowly and gave her a look that was purely male, easily recognizable no matter what species you were. It actually wasn't a bad idea. She knew him and trusted him and she could bypass the whole weird awkward meeting someone for the first time thing.

"Now you have me really excited about coming to the Citadel." Shepard blinked at the quick change of conversation _._ Feron was never on her radar before and honestly she never knew he was ever interested. Then again, she had been with Thane when they first met so obviously he wasn't going to say anything, but now…could she allow that to happen? It wasn't like she never had a fling with a friend and maybe it was just the reprieve she was looking for. She had been really on edge lately. Ever since that night with Kolyat. _Well, shit._

"Now that I'm aware of you wanting to fuck my brains out, please assure me that you won't be angry if I turn you down though."

"Of course not. You are one of the only two people I consider my friend in this entire universe, better than I ever deserved. Nothing will ever change that. Whether I sleep with you or not."

"Tell me the truth, have you slept with Liara?"

"No." He said without hesitation. "We have been through too much together. She's like a sister to me. I can't look at her that way."

"But you can with me?"

"You are a very impressive woman Shepard. I must admit, there is something about you that makes me think you are capable of tu'fira. I have always been curious about that. Especially since you have the experience of being with a Drell. I bet you know exactly what it takes to bring us over the edge quick and hard if you wanted it to be." _Tu'fira, to get lost in another._ At least Feron kept it straight and to the point. He was always honest with her.

"Are you trying to flatter me? I'm actually getting tempted. I'll keep it in mind." A slow smile formed over Feron's lips and they shared a look of observation, a quiet moment of understanding. "Keep me informed if anything more is found on the target that placed the hit on me."

"Will do. I'll speak to you soon…and Shepard…"

"Yeah?" She watched him swallow roughly, the dark blue of his frills emitting a slight red hue underneath the delicate folds.

"Think about it." The transmission ended and Shepard couldn't help but shake her head and smile at Feron's antics. Well, at least she now knew she had a stellar booty call that hopefully wouldn't get weird if that was what she decided on.

For the next few hours she met with two clients and sifted through the remainder of the information she was trying to secure for Kolyat. So far she had been able to finalize a location for a decent mining planet and asked Feron to work on securing four new identities for her before he dropped the assassination bomb. Honestly her being targeted just seemed like another day in her life. Feron wanting to sleep with her had been the real shocker.

Pushing the vibrant Drell from her thoughts she focused on the task at hand. She was due to meet Kolyat for lunch today although she didn't exactly know what time since he had never contacted her again afterwards to specify. Should she contact him? _No, fuck him, he should come to you._ Wait a minute this wasn't a date. Why did it matter? She went back and forth with the idea for a few minutes before she decided to just show up at C-Sec and go with it. If he was not available they could just talk face to face and reschedule. It's not like _**they**_ were fucking.

Grabbing the data from her computer she put the tiny data chip in her omnitool and powered down her monitors ready to head out. She gave herself a quick look in the bathroom mirror, adjusted her makeup and dress, grabbed the bag from Drala'fa, along with a second bag with a new model ship she had bought that morning and headed out into the reception area. If she didn't come back she would bring the ship home with her afterwards.

"And where are you going looking so sexy?" Her assistant Gary whistled from behind the receptionist desk. Leaning his chin on the palm of his hand as he rested his elbow on the table and wiggled his eyebrows at her suggestively.

Gary was an attractive man with a chiseled oval face, perfect nose and deep green eyes that rivaled her own. His hair was a dark brown which cascaded over his eyes and ears slightly in layers of soft shaggy tresses. Enough to grab and hold on to if the scenario presented itself. His friendly disposition and flamboyant attitude always kept her on her toes. The only down side was his aversion to vagina. Gary was on the strictly dickly ship which did instigate come interesting conversations to say the least.

"I'm meeting someone for lunch, I'm not sure how long I will be so reschedule my last appointment."

"Shepard you're looking really erotic to be going out for a casual lunch. Is this a date? Please tell me this is a date." He asked a little too excitedly. Making her sigh and shake her head. What was with everyone and her private life?

"It's not a date."

"Then why are you dressed like a straight man's wet dream? Make sure you work those hips girl if you walk in front of him." Gary got up and started swaying his hips as he walked by her shaking his butt, rotating and popping his hip out as he stopped to pose for her. He pushed imaginary hair off his shoulder and gave her a smoldering look. "Bat you're eyelashes and flip your hair. You'll make him cum right on the spot."

"You're disgusting. It's not like that." She laughed shaking her head as she made her way towards the entrance. Ignoring him as he made cat calls reminding her to shake her ass. "And don't forget to flirt!" He yelled just as she left the door.

Now that she thought about it she did kind of overdo it, but then again she still didn't know if this was a date or not. _This is Kolyat, it's not a date. He just invited you to lunch._ Most likely he wanted to spit in her face and curse at her for shooting him…or punching him…or calling him a cocky little shit. Oh wait, that was only in her head. Suddenly she faltered a moment as she realized how adamant she was about convincing herself that this wasn't a date. If it wasn't a date, then why did she still secretly look forward to seeing him, despite how much she denied it, and dressed herself up…and bought him a gift. _You didn't dress up for him, you just wanted to feel good about yourself after the night you had._ Shepard forced down the rising dread in her chest and kept her gaze focused on the street before her as she debated whether she had overdone it with the way she looked.

She had on a light coat of eyeliner and mascara with dark red lipstick. She hated blush and opted out but her outfit was definitely something she would wear on a date. She was still mulling over the idea in her brain as she approached the Lower Ward Station.

She had on a long sleeved round neck batwing black cashmere dress that ended at her upper thighs, complete with knee high four inch tight black leather boots. She had a long gold chain that dangled beneath her breasts with tiny gold beaded tassels in prefect flair. She ignored the stares as she went, the lust apparent in people's eyes as men ran their gaze's over her legs and body. _You can look, but don't you fucking touch._ She quickly walked through C-Sec headquarters, her blood red tendrils loose and bouncing around her shoulders as she rounded a corner and made her way over to Bailey's desk. Looking around she noticed he was nowhere in sight. Just an Asari typing vigorously at a desk nearby.

"Excuse me." She said politely approaching the dark blue woman slowly. "I'm looking for Captain Bailey."

"He's in a meeting right now." She smiled and answered softly her own eyes trailing over her in desire. _Crap, I forgot it wasn't only the men she had to worry about._ Maybe she did overdo it. _No, fuck it. I look amazing…and it wasn't for Kolyat._

"Then, can you direct me to Kolyat Krios?"

"What do you want with Krios?" The womans face changed immediately, kindness and warmth now gone replaced only with resentment and disgust. _Wow someone pissed someone off._ Knowing Kolyat that seemed about right.

"Not that it's any of your concern but I came to see him." The woman sucked her teeth and gave her a once over again before turning back to her monitor to continue typing.

"You're beautiful I'll give you that, but if this isn't about a patrol case I suggest you don't even bother. If he's slept with you, then he's probably no longer interested." _Wow, and she thought she was a bitch._

"That's pretty straight forward to talk about your co-worker like that to a complete stranger."

"It's no secret that we hate each other." _Jesus, who pissed in her cheerios?_

"Let me guess…he never called you back." The woman's features contorted in rage as she got to her feet, slamming her hands down on her desk. Shepard had to fight the urge to grab the gun from her purse and shove it in her mouth as a reflex maneuver.

"Kolyat is just an asshole and if you had half a mind you wouldn't get mixed up with him." Her lips quirked at the woman's anger and she had to use everything in her not to laugh. It was true that Kolyat could be pretty harsh but he was always up front about how he felt or what his views were, at least from what she had experienced and what Thane had told her. Clearly this woman didn't get the memo when they hooked up. Just then the back doors opened and Captain Bailey and the subject of their discussion walked in closely behind him.

He was dressed in his C-Sec Uniform without his jacket, the tight dark navy blue short sleeved material forming to his body, showing off his broad shoulders and chest. The black designs and lines complemented the black stripes over his arms matching him perfectly. She watched the way he moved, the fluid motions of his steps as he kept stride with the captain, black boots and slightly flared cargo pants hugging the lean line of his hips and thighs. A leather holster around his waist held his Pistol against his upper thigh. Bailey handed him a datapad which he took absently since he was already reading one over in his other hand. She turned her body towards them and waited patiently for them to notice her as both were preoccupied in work mode.

"Make sure you finish this one too." Bailey said handing a second datapad to him which made him pause to reposition the three he now held. Both their stares met hers at the same time and she smiled pleasantly waving slightly.

"Shepard, this is a surprise. What are you doing here?" Bailey asked making his way over to her.

"I asked her to come." Kolyat spoke up quickly approaching Bailey's desk and placing the datapads upon it, noticing how Kolyat completely ignored the Asari as he walked past her. Her bright blue eyes now staring at her in shock. "I'm going to go on my lunch break. I'll finish the reports when I get back."

"Yeah, sure kid. Since you're with Shepard take your time. I'll know you'll get everything done when you get back." Kolyat nodded to the older man and approached her slowly. Noticing immediately how his eyes trailed up her legs and over her body until his eyes met hers. She fidgeted momentarily adjusting her hold on the bags.

"I almost didn't think you would come." Kolyat spoke evenly making her smile at him in mischief.

"Well you never specified a time so…If you want I can always go back to work if you changed your mind. You seem like you have a lot of work to do."

"This is C-Sec, there's always a lot of work to do. But no, I want to take you to lunch…I'll hold these for you." He took the bags from her grasp and she blinked at him in surprise. He was being awfully…pleasant. Throwing them over his shoulder, he suddenly placed a hand on her lower back to guide her out the way she came. Normally she would have tensed her whole body from the over familiar touch, but all she could suddenly focus on was the feeling of his cool scales over the tight confines of her dress.

"Are you shitting me? Are you actually taking Commander Shepard to lunch? Do you have any shame?" The Aasari spoke up suddenly pushing her chair back, making it scrape loudly upon the floor. Her attention was pulled back to the one night stand who now glared at her like she wanted to strangle her. She seriously wanted to shove her gun down this woman's throat now.

"Alana, what has gotten into you?" Bailey said sternly eyeing the woman in anger crossing his broad forearms over his chest. Shepard had a fleeting thought that he must bench fucking cars for how big his arms were.

"Easy Alana, jealousy is not a good color for you." Kolyat said harshly as he continued urging her forward and away.

"Go to hell Kolyat, as for you…" Alana's eyes turned to her, malice and loathing blazing back at her. "I hope you shoot him in the dick as soon as he cheats on you." Shepard turned around quickly and frowned from this woman's display. She had enough. If this woman wanted to have a bitch game then she was ready to play.

"Honestly, Kolyat taking me to lunch is none of your fucking business. It's not my fault that men actually call me back. But don't worry Alana, I'll make sure to put in a word about you to Kolyat. But it might just remind him to take out the trash." Kolyat coughed and turned his head trying not to laugh. The expression on the Asari's face was priceless as she turned once more and let Kolyat continue leading her away.

As they made their way back through the station her irritation from Alana's display still gnawed at her as she became more aware of the curious glances and the way people stared at them. Eyes shifting to Kolyat and then to his hand on her lower back. _Should she push him away?_ She suddenly felt self-conscious, she was use to people gawking at her or staring in every way shape or form but with Kolyat next to her, she unexpectedly felt more aware. Did he feel as anxious as her? Maybe her coming here was a mistake after all. Was her presence embarrassing him?

"Am I ruining your bad boy image since your carrying my bags?" She said jokingly trying to lighten the air that seemed to apparently only be choking her.

"I apologize for everyone staring. I'm the only Drell in C-Sec so I get a lot of unwanted attention." He sighed as he moved away from her dropping his hand from her back. The spot where he was touching her felt suddenly cold and uncomfortable from his absence. His voice held an edge of discontent as she thought how he must feel to be the only Drell in the service. Surely he had friends? She doubted he spoke about his problems to women like Alana. Actually, if the women he usually took home were like her than he deserved anguish. Maybe he was attracted to bitches? She tried not to think too hard about that thought.

"Oh…I thought maybe my underwear was showing or something. That would be really embarrassing." Kolyat snorted loudly and snickered from her words.

"Well, if you fall on your ass in your heels you can always distract them by shooting your way out of the room." Kolyat's voice was dry as he cracked the joke but Shepard stopped in her tracks and laughed hysterically. A few more heads turned in their direction but all her attention was on the man before her who turned back to look at her when he realized she wasn't behind him.

"Could you imagine? Don't put these fantasies into my head. You're going to get me excited. Damn, now I think I want to fake fall and make it happen."

"I doubt opening fire in C-Sec headquarters is the most logical decision. Even for you." His eyes trailed up her legs and over her body once again, studying every detail.

"Are you checking me out?" She asked blatantly crossing her arms over her chest in disapproval making him grin at her smugly.

"I was trying to figure out where your gun was hidden."

"I could tell you, but then I would have to kill you." She answered cheekily, folding her hands behind her back as she bounced in her footsteps passing him, seeing the grin grow wider on his lips as she continued on her way out of the station. Now smiling and blowing kisses to everyone who tried to stare at her. When they left the station she stopped and turned back towards Kolyat unsure where he had planned to take her.

"Do you have any preference of where you would like to eat? I'm not sure what you like."

"You could have sent me a message and asked." Placing a hand on her hip she grinned as she watched his frills darken in color as he looked away and rubbed the back of his head.

"I…really didn't think you would actually show up."

"I had to come by, you asked me to do something for you remember." Kolyat hesitated and frowned as he stuck his hand in his pocket suddenly glaring at her. _Jesus, what mood swings._

"Is that the only reason you came? To give me the information?"

She stared back at him and blinked slowly, forcing herself to keep her expression as neutral as possible. Was he expecting something else? He was clearly upset about something now. Did he really consider this to be something more? Wait a minute, this wasn't a date! She sighed at her indecisiveness finally deciding to come straight out and ask him. It was going to drive her crazy if she didn't know.

"Kolyat was this supposed to be a date?"

"Do you want it to be a date?" He turned his gaze completely on her, his dark endless eyes unrevealing. She shifted in her heels in discomfort. The intensity of his gaze quickly making her feel flustered. If she stared into them any longer she might drown in their depths. She forced herself to regain her composure. No way was he about to turn this on her! She smiled and forced herself to look away turning only slightly to glance over her shoulder at him nonchalantly. _Play it cool. Poker face Sarah, you can do it._

"Don't you consider going on a date with me inappropriate?"

"Do I make you uncomfortable?"

"A little." She admitted. He stared at her impassively his expression not letting her know if he had taken that in the wrong way or not. He took a step towards her and smiled on the precipice of crudeness.

"It's a start."

"What?" _What the hell did he mean by that?_ It's a start? Was he playing games with her? He remained quiet as they had a staring battle ignoring the people who glanced at them curiously as they passed by. Well, they were standing right in front of the station. Eventually she gave in and sighed. _Fine. I can play._

"Since we're both unwilling to specify if this is a date or not. Next time you invite me out, let me know if this is supposed to be a date. Maybe I'll dress up for you."

"You're so full of shit. I know you don't dress like this normally." He grinned harshly as he started walking past her pausing for a just a moment as his gaze trailed up her body. He whispered to her just as he approached. "I would have complimented how beautiful you look you know, how nice you smell. I would have recognized how long it would have taken for you to look this sexy for me…but we're not specifying if this is a date, so I don't have to say those things…or mean them."

 _What. The. Fuck. Did he just say that?_ Shepard blinked in surprised from his statement, unable to respond at first. _Holy shit, he just word fucked my brain._ She turned to stare at his back watching the hard expanse of lean muscles. His shoulders flexing underneath the tight fabric of his uniform. Her eyes trailing lower to his hips and… _What the fuck!_ How dare he try to read her and put inappropriate thoughts in her mind!

"I didn't dress like this for you, asshole." She scoffed in disgust, unwilling to admit just that. His voice was smug and condescending but she could feel the heat erupt over her cheeks but choose to ignore it. _What a dick._

She followed him in silence glaring at the back of his head, studying the ridges and stripe patterns over his scales and the curve of his neck. The dull metal of his Hikari unmoving as he walked. Eventually they made their way to a small café and she followed him to one of the few available tables. He placed her bags by the seat further in and ushered her to sit pushing in her chair for her as she got comfortable. _Well, at least he was a gentlemanly jerkoff._

As he was sitting down across from her a Salarian waiter came over and handed them some menus and two glasses of water. She smiled warmly and thanked him as he welcomed them both before excusing himself to give them a few moments to decide.

"So, have you ever been here before?" She asked trying to keep the conversation light between them to avoid uncomfortable silence and to calm her anger down.

"A few times. This is a popular spot for lunch. The food is really good and they have a large variety of accommodations from different planets. It's mostly Levo friendly. We can both eat mostly anything on this menu. The ones at the bottom highlighted in blue are not for us."

"Ok. Avoid the blue. Got it." She skimmed over the menu until excitement gripped her chest. Everything that happened between them moments ago forgotten as she entered food heaven. "They have sushi? Oh man, I am so down."

"I have seen people order it but I have never tried it."

"Really? Do you like fish?"

"I eat it from time to time."

"So order a small one and try it. Actually better yet I'll get a large one and share it with you, since I'm going to get a small salad also. I don't care for shrimp so you can take that and-"

"So you would give me what you don't like." He frowned at her immediately placing the menu down on the table to sit back in his chair and cross his arms over his chest in displeasure. She laughed softly from his budding irritation. _What was he, like four?_

"Easy killer. Shrimp is actually a delicacy on my planet, most humans love it. I don't really care for it. I was _**going**_ to say that you can have two pieces of my salmon also, which is _**my**_ favorite, since I get four pieces. There are other kinds but I thought you might like those the best to start off with. If you feel more adventurous let me know.

He swallowed roughly, the frills on his throat expanding and darkening for a moment as he adjusted himself in his seat as the waiter came back. They both placed their orders and after the waiter left silence suddenly stretched out between them. It wasn't an uncomfortable quiet but you could tell that there was a heavy veil of unspoken words between them. She was actually curious to see how long they could both go without saying something but she decided to be the first to speak. Clicking on her omnitool she pulled up the information that she had acquired so far. She motioned for Kolyat to give her his arm. Touching her omnitool to his she transferred the data and waited for him to look through it.

"That lets you know the location, job details, schooling curriculum for the children, training services, recreational activities and wages. It's not only a mining facility but a farming one also, in case one job is not a right fit for someone. It's a fifteen year contract, so make sure that this is what they want. As for the other thing you asked for…I have friend working on that, but I need something else from you before we can continue with the final requirement."

"Of course. Whatever you need."

"I need names Kolyat. You never supplied them and I need them if…well, you know." Kolyat looked around hesitantly eying the surrounding tables in suspicion. She had to fight the smile from her lips as he scouted to see if anyone was listening.

"I would prefer it if we were in your office."

"I understand client privacy. Can you stop by tomorrow afternoon?"

"The morning would be better for me. When I get back to the office I have to finish some reports, then try to get a couple hours of sleep. I took an extra overnight shift and I can stop by when I get off. Tomorrow afternoon I will have to catch up on some more studying and sleeping before my regular shift tomorrow night."

"Wow…and I thought I was busy." She pulled up her schedule on her omnitool and saw that she had some time before 0930."

"What time do you get off?"

"0800."

"Perfect. That works for me." He nodded just as her salad arrived and she took a small plate and shared it with him.

"You don't have to do that." He tried to deny it but she just shoved it in front of him anyway.

"Trust me, I am probably more stubborn then you so if you don't eat it I'll just let it sit there and not touch it over principle." Kolyat frowned and shook his head as he picked up his fork and started eating with her once again falling into silence. They both stared at each other warily, she could tell he was trying to read her as much as she was trying to wrap her head around the whole thing of just sitting at a table and having a meal with him. She had never spent time like this with him before and without the haze of alcohol she found herself growing nervous under his stare. She would rather face five charging Krogan's than sit with a man who she secretly wondered what the pressure of his fingers would be like when he spread her thighs widely apart. Shepard suddenly choked on her food as she panicked from the thought that suddenly entered her mind. Kolyat jumped to his feet ready to pat her back but she held up her hand to stop him and drank her water deeply trying to control her breaths.

"Are you okay?" He asked blinking at her in concern, both eye ridges raised.

"Yeah…I think the suspense is getting to me."

"What suspense?"

"I just keep wondering when you're going to call me a bitch and curse me out."

"What?" His eyes started to narrow as he frowned at her accusation while he took his seat again.

"I mean that _**is**_ why you invited me to lunch right? You wanted to rant and rave, throw insults, maybe something like…"

"Shepard-"

"No wait, I got this." She held up her hand cutting him off taking a moment to think. "You can say something like…shut up bitch, you'll never be the man your mother is!" Kolyat's lips twitched slightly from what she said and his eyes softened in amusement. "You didn't like that one? Wait, give me a minute I can think of something else…"

"Shepard-"

"I got it! I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel about you…oh wait…you don't have a middle finger, damn that was a human joke…oh wait, you would be saying that to me so yeah, I guess it could work, wait…no, not really."

"Shep-." She clapped her hands together excitedly cutting him off one last time.

"I don't exactly hate you, but if you were on fire and I had water. I'd drink it." She laughed and pointed at him in enthusiasm as he covered his mouth to hide a soft laugh. "Now tell me that one wasn't funny?"

"Do you normally act like this?"

"Yeah...why?" She blinked at him slowly in confusion as she saw the assessment in his gaze, taking a sip of her water again. Was he judging her? He had no right to judge her! "All jokes aside, do you really think its shoot first, ask questions later?" Kolyat smirked as he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back in his chair.

"Well actually…"

"Shut up." She smiled turning her face away from him a moment before their eyes met again, feeling her heart beat suddenly quicken. She pushed her hair over her shoulder and ignored the pounding in her chest. "So…if you didn't invite me here to throw water in my face or something. What did you want to discuss?" Kolyat hesitated a moment before letting out a deep breath.

"I wanted to apologize."

"Wow. Really?"

"Why do you sound so surprised?"

"Well I mean…what exactly are you apologizing for? For kissing me, insulting me or bleeding on my carpet?" Kolyat scowled as he stared at her. She knew she was being a bitch but she really wanted to make sure they were on the same page.

"For insulting you. I should not have accused you of tarnishing my father's memory. For treating you in such a way. I did not mean to…say what I said. For that, I am sorry." He was quiet for a long while even after their food had arrived as she took what he said and mulled it over in her brain. Taking the shrimp from her plate and adding the two pieces of salmon she placed each one on his dish of mixed vegetables and some kind of rice that looked black.

"I've never seen black rice before."

"Do you want to try some? I assure you I'm not giving you something I don't like."

"Very funny…alright, I'm adventurous." She pushed her plate over and he put a small portion on her plate along with a few unidentifiable vegetables. He saw her eye them and grinned at her reaction.

"The purple and blue vegetables are from Kahje, the yellow one is from Thessia and I'm sure you recognize the orange and green ones from Earth."

Shepard hesitantly ate what he gave her actually surprised when some of them were sweet and buttery. As she lifted a piece of salmon to her lips she frowned as she thought about the night at the C-Sec Ball. He had only apologized for what he said, so what about everything else?

"So…you don't apologize for kissing me?" Kolyat paused in mid bite, bringing his fork back down to his plate he stared at her in contemplation. Was he really thinking about this?

"I don't think you would appreciate my honest answer to that question, besides I believe you have something to apologize for as well."

"So were only doing one apology?"

"If you would prefer to look at it that way."

"So then it's my turn?" Kolyat nodded solemnly narrowing his eyes at her, leaning back in his chair.

"I am curious which one you will apologize for. Punching me, shooting me or automatically assuming I was in some kind of trouble when I came to see you."

"Punching you the first time or the second? We should be more specific here if we're doing apologies."

"Are you trying to get me upset?"

"You're so touchy…well since were only picking one…I'm sorry for shooting you. I guess I over reacted."

"You _**guess**_ you overreacted?"

"Okay! I over reacted. I'm sorry. I did nick you harder than I thought I did…and I kind of destroyed your jacket, right? I know they're expensive." Kolyat grimaced and sighed.

"It might not be a complete loss. I have a friend that is going to try and fix it for me. That's why I picked up an extra shift. The cost of the fix is pricey and I can't afford a new one at this particular moment.

"Wow, make me feel like shit." She crossed a leg over the other and sat back in her chair to cross her arms as well. He smiled at her softly and she was a little surprised that he did not radiate anger but understanding and warmth.

"If that was the price I had to make for kissing you, than I think the memory alone was worth it."

Shepard's heartbeat started to race from Kolyat's words. He wasn't serious was he? Did he even realize what he had just said to her? _That was a compliment dummy._ Wait a minute, that shouldn't have even happened! _But you instigated the kiss._ Well, shit. That was true too. She sighed and decided to let it slide, she had kissed worse men in her life and truthfully even though she shouldn't have done it, kissing Kolyat had been more enjoyable then she cared to admit. _'I wouldn't only be kissing you…I'd be fucking you right now'._ Did he just admit to using solipsism to remember that night? The nagging thought of asking him just how many times he has relived their kiss haunted her but she had to push the question aside. Something told her she wouldn't know how to process his answer. She took another sip of her water and reached beside her to slide the black bag over to his side of the table making him quirk his eyeridge at her in curiosity.

"Well until you can get your jacket fixed, I got you something. To go along with my apology. The black bag is actually a gift for you."

"A gift?" He looked down at the bag and cautiously pulled it over to him. Glancing within and pulling out the black box. The look in his eyes hardened as he ran his finger over the satin ribbon, swallowing roughly. She could literally see his face darken as he untied the ribbon. What the hell was going through his head?

He was quiet as he placed the box on the table, his expression unreadable. Was buying him a gift wrong? Was he seeing it as a bribe? Shepard wracked her brain as she thought about any culture taboos with Drell's and gifts. She didn't have any problems when she gave Thane anything and if it was inappropriate she was sure Taran would have mentioned something to her. Oh…was that why he asked if Kolyat was more than a friend? Maybe it was only appropriate between lovers or really close friends? Now that she thought about it her first gift to Thane and vice versa was after they had already expressed their romantic interest in one another. As she observed Kolyat slowly open the box to glance within, her stomach knotted in worry and anticipation. What if he didn't like it? What if he threw it back at her and said 'fuck off'. What if a gift was a sexual invitation she wasn't aware of? _Would that really matter?_ Wait, what?

Shepard had to stifle a groan as her mind ran wild. Would it be really crazy if she just grabbed the box and made a mad dash for it out of the café, yelling never mind? _Yeah, no one would think you're crazy._ She crossed her arms over her chest burying her fingertips against her sides as they subconsciously began to flex, forcing herself not to rip the box from his hands in panic. His eyes suddenly widened in surprise when he pulled back the white cloth to see the jacket and vest beneath. His fingers gently touching the leather fabric as he pulled it out to examine it further.

"There's matching pants also. I didn't really know your size so-"

"You went to Drala'fa." It wasn't a question. It was stated fact. His voice was low and ominous as he held the clothes in his hands rubbing his thumbs over the material, face still unreadable.

"Do you know it?" He nodded solemnly glancing at her for a brief second as he reached back into the box. The air around them started to feel stifling. Electric currents of something building that she couldn't quite put her finger on. Maybe she should lighten the mood? "Have you seen the guns they have there? I have to admit, I wanted to lick the glass of one of the display windows. Did you see the new Viper? Now that is sleek and sexy. I would love to wrap my fingers around that kind of girth." Shepard grinned as she crossed one of her legs over the other leaning back in her chair to assess his reaction. His face grew sullen as he took the pants out of the box. _Jesus, what the hell was the matter with him? Did she get the wrong size? Fucking Kolyat, now she understood why Thane was so tight lipped about the days he spent with him. He probably drove him crazy too!_

"Was the shop keeper there when you went? Did he sell this to you? He has grey scales and-"

"Taran? He helped me pick the outfit. Do you know him?" Kolyat looked away and sighed placing everything back in the box and closing the top of it. He paused a moment and frowned almost regrettably.

"His full name is Taran Amani, he and his wife Mira are my closest friends." Shepard thought back to her time with Taran and everything started to make more… _Oh…'Does he know you are buying this for him?' 'I just think that perhaps he might mean more to you than you would care to admit'._

"Well…that explains the look he gave me when he asked me to describe your scale color and markings. I guess he realized right away who I was buying this for. It also explains the odd questions when I was paying."

"He's the one who is fixing my jacket. I went to his store the other day and saw this particular leather and told him I wanted to buy it."

"Well look on the bright side, at least I got you something you wanted!" Shepard laughed uncomfortably as she realized that she might have given the wrong idea to Kolyat's best friend. Taran would definitely tell his wife and now that would probably cause problems for Kolyat. She didn't want to give him any stress right before his exam. _Way to go Sarah, you always know how to cause just the right amount of commotion._

"I'm sorry Kolyat. I was never good at this sort of thing. I always do something wrong or inappropriate. I embarrass people…and I make situations worse. You don't have to accept my gift. I'll return it. I'll just tell him I changed my mind." She reached out her hands for the box, her fingers gliding over the smooth textured material.

"No." Kolyat shot his hands out and grabbed her wrists holding them firmly between them. "I want it. Thank you, I accept your gift." She could feel her heartbeat pick up as their eyes met, her body becoming super aware of his presence as his fingers brushed over the tops of her hands.

"Are you sure? I don't want to cause any problems."

"I will deal with Taran's teasing. I've put him through much worse, believe me." Kolyat smiled gently as the air between them started to calm. They didn't move for a few moments both frozen to the spot until the server came back to take their plates and give them their drinks. She was thankful for the sudden distraction as he was forced to let her go. Kolyat took the box off the table and placed it back in the bag as their drinks were put down in front of them. She grabbed the cup a little too eagerly blowing into the steaming liquid as she smelled the divine aroma wafting in the air from caffeine ecstasy. Pure bliss flowing over her features.

"I never understood Human's and their addiction to coffee."

"This isn't just coffee, this is heaven. Have you ever tried it?"

"No." Kolyat said dismissively as he lifted his tea to take a sip.

"Then you have no right to jump to conclusions. You should try it before you knock it. Here, let's switch." Shepard stood quickly ignoring Kolyat's startled look as she leaned over the table and slid their cups between the two of them.

"Sometimes I take mine black, especially if I'm having a particularly hard day. Usually though I like it with cream and sugar. Cappuccino's like this have a stronger coffee in it called espresso. The expresso is at the bottom and microfoam on top which is made by steaming milk. It gives the drink a velvety texture. I have to put a little sugar in mine though, espresso can be very bitter."

Kolyat stared down at the cup stoically glancing at her as she picked up his tea. His eyes widened a bit as she took a sip from his cup. The smooth liquid was soft and mellow, with undertones of some kind of fruit or plant. It tasted almost like oranges and hibiscus but perhaps another fruit that she wasn't familiar with. She paused and stared down at the cup as she brought it from her mouth second guessing her actions now. Maybe she was a little too quick to act, he probably thought that was incredibly rude of her to switch their drinks without asking. She looked back up at him hesitantly expecting anger to be staring back at her but instead he was looking at her with an expression she wasn't entirely sure of. Kolyat licked his lips and took a sip of her coffee. She took a second small taste of his tea hiding the pleased smile that erupted over her lips. He choked suddenly and turned his head.

"That is really bitter." He said between coughs taking a chug of his water to calm his gasping.

"Here try this." She reached across the table to take her coffee. Stirring some sugar in to it she slide it back towards him. "Try it now." Cautiously he picking the cup back up, looking down at it warily as if he was debating whether he wanted to try it again. Sighing he brought the cup back to his lips and took another taste. This time he looked at her thoughtfully as he placed it down. "Better? Want to trade?" She asked sarcastically grinning as she brought his tea back to her lips.

"Maybe next time." Her lips suddenly touched his hand and she pulled back in surprise. He was already standing up, his hand covering the top of his cup to prevent her from drinking anymore. _Fuck he's fast. I didn't even hear him get up._ He grinned down at her and gently took his cup from her and switched their drinks back before sitting down.

"Your tea is really good. You might have just converted me to try it more often."

"This one is called Soryu. It's one of my favorites, hibiscus from Earth with jisu a fruit from Kahje that tastes almost like an orange."

"That's what I got from it. I actually thought it was an orange. It's really good." Shepard took a swill of her drink gulping heavily unable to stop a shudder of bliss. "Oh God that's good. I love coffee. Never mind, I take it back. I'm not giving this up." Kolyat laughed deeply, the double rumble of sound making her glance at him as he brought his own cup back to his lips. Why did this feel so natural? ' _I would suggest taking a Drell'._ Maybe she should ask Kolyat instead of Feron to the Unveiling? _Bodyguard, not fuck buddy right?_ Wait…should she ask him? She stared down at the table deep in thought as the idea started to form in her mind. Would he be able to handle it? She didn't want to put him in any unnecessary danger but he had done patrolling and probably knew the signs to look for during the time that she would be distracted.

"Kolyat, have you finished your suspicious activity training?" Kolyat paused as he was taking a sip from his tea again and narrowed his eyes at her.

"Yes?" His gaze slowly started scanning the area around them. She smiled gently as her question was misinterpreted for some sort of active threat.

"So…I need a favor." Her voice was low and she couldn't hide the uncertainty as she spoke. Maybe she shouldn't ask him? _Just do it…no don't do it._

"A favor?"

"If you say no, I completely understand and if you don't want to be seen with me I completely understand as well." Kolyat scrunched his eyeridges down in confusion as he glanced around once more in hesitation.

"What would make you think that I don't want to be seen with you? Were in a public place having lunch. Besides, we already made a scene at C-Sec earlier."

"I…actually your right but that's not exactly…What I meant to say was if you don't want to be seen with me on a grander scale. Like reporters and crowds and people in your face…"

"You're rambling. Whatever favor you need I'll do it. We can both agree that I owe you one."

"I…" She didn't exactly know how to word it and honestly she couldn't explain herself too much out in the open. Would he get the wrong idea? Would he laugh in her face? _He's going to say no._ "I need someone to accompany me at the New Cruiser Unveiling in a few days."

"Accompany you?"

"A body guard disguised as my date." She said plainly and watched his expression turn from peaked interest to somber in an instant.

"Are you in danger?"

"I'm Commander Shepard, Sole survivor of the Skyllian Blitz attack on Elysium. Hero of the Citadel. Face of the Alliance and symbol for all humanity. I have been regarded to be an icon of hope and peace, justice and swift judgement. A paragon for my species." Her voice was methodic as she spoke knowing exactly what her titles were but not at all impressed with herself. She looked away a moment fighting the nightmares from slipping past her mask. _So much death and blood._ That's all she needed was to have a freak out session in the middle of lunch with Kolyat. _Then he'll really know how crazy you are._

"Sarah…" His voice was kind as he reached his hand slightly towards her upon the table, the slight movement not going unnoticed as she was brought back to herself.

"I'm always in danger…I have made a lot of enemies over the course of my short life. Many…who would be more than willing to watch me burn and fall." He was silent as he stared at her, neither of them saying anything for a long while. She was curious to know exactly what was going through his head. His expression was unreadable but she knew he was contemplating things over in his mind. He was probably realizing that he shouldn't get mixed up with her after all. Eventually she laughed softly as the waiter came back and placed the small data receipt on the table. Kolyat grabbed it quickly just as she was about to reach for it and snorted in displeasure.

"I told you that this would be my treat."

"I guess you did. Thank you for lunch Kolyat, I'm glad I decided to come." Kolyat nodded slightly and glanced down at his omnitool. He took another deep drink from his tea and slowly started to get up grabbing the black shopping bag.

"It's getting late. I should get back." She smiled at him as she made herself more comfortable and took another sip from her coffee not ready to leave just yet but knowing Kolyat had to get back to work. He didn't answer her about the Unveiling and she had a fleeting thought that he was trying to turn her down politely.

"Kolyat, I just want you to know-"

"We can talk more about this in your office. I don't think you really want to discuss the details out in the open."

"So…you'll consider it?" She blinked up at him in surprise as he nodded.

"I just have one question though."

"Of course."

"Am I going to be considered your date? Or am I just a stand in?" Shepard swallowed roughly as she felt her heart begin to hammer wildly against her chest. The intensity in Kolyat's eyes caught her off guard. Making her feel exposed and naked, as if he was trying to search for something hidden within herself or that only he could see. Her stomach started tightening in anxiety. _What the fuck body, don't betray me now._ She forced a grin to spread over her lips as soon as she realized he was trying to bait her.

"Do you want it to be a date?" She retorted cheekily forcing Kolyat to sneer and narrow his eyes at her in growing humor. His gaze ran over her body as he studied every visible inch of her. She had to control a shiver from overtaking her from the unseen force his gaze created. A languid wide smirk formed over his pouty lips. _Oh God. Is he doing the Drell version of the smolder?_ No…maybe he was still looking for her gun. He was definitely NOT checking her out.

"I'll see you tomorrow morning Shepard. Promise me you won't shoot me this time."

"That's a really hard promise to keep."

"And if I bring you coffee?" Shepard pursed her lips forcing herself to fight a smile and failing. The look on Kolyat's face though made her already know that he had just won her over.

"I have been known to take bribes every once in a while."

"I will keep it in mind." He bowed his head slightly as they said their goodbye's and as she watched him leave, she had to wonder why the sudden prospect of seeing him again made her heart race a little faster and her stomach knot in anticipation.

* * *

Please review, a few words of encouragement go a long way. :) See you in the next chapter.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Kolyat rubbed the back of his neck and sighed as he left C-Sec headquarters feeling the exhaustion of the day finally starting to seep into his body. It had been a long uneventful night and the act of completing an overnight sift was still something he needed to get used to. Luckily for now, most of his patrols were kept in the jurisdiction of the Presidium, since he was still technically in training. The rougher stuff, he would not be allowed to touch until he became a full-fledged C-Sec Officer. Although that meant his days; when he wasn't stuck at his desk; were boring half the time.

Kolyat hated the fact that the most action he would ever get the chance to see was the occasional theft or drunken disturbance. Only once did he get pinned down in a fire fight when a bar tussle turned into a full-fledged bout of macho stupidity. Of course it had been over some stupid female and credits. Most of the time though he was called in for breaches of security, only once a murder. Although at the time he wasn't allowed to approach the crime scene, only run a perimeter sweep. The real work was left for the detectives.

He couldn't wait until he took that test. Just the thought of it made his heart race in excitement and impatience. With the proper training and experience he would be able to patrol the lower wards where the real action happened. With the right partner, he could make a real difference and do what he had finally decided to do with his life. Protect others less fortunate, save lives and families. Trying to prevent more children from ending up like he almost did.

He smiled a moment as he thought about his partner being a hot Asari, but then frowned when he realized it didn't matter because he wouldn't be able to fuck her anyway. He was adamant about keeping his work and personal life separated. He had already slipped up once and slept with Alana, not knowing she was an officer when he picked her up at Flux. He would never forget the look on her face when he had passed her the day she was transferred to the training area. He just glanced at her and refused to give her the time of day, making sure she had seen the bigger picture and what their night had meant. Just sex, nothing more. He didn't do relationships. Not after the hell Zahria had put him through. He just hoped that if his partner was a female, she wasn't a complete bitch. Truthfully though with statistics, it was more plausible for his partner to be a Turian.

Kolyat yawned deeply feeling his three hours of sleep in the last two days starting to weigh down on him. He knew he had been overloading his schedule, with the extra studying and now the extra hours at work. He was starting to feel run down. He seriously needed some sleep this afternoon before his next shift, but he still needed to go see Shepard first.

He forced himself to fight down the rising eagerness in his chest from the prospect of seeing her again so soon. He suddenly felt nervous as he hesitated at the bottom of her office stairs, this time armed with a tray of coffee and tea. _'I have been known to take bribes'._ He had ended up in solipsism several times since yesterday, remembering things from the previous day.

Even though he still hadn't spent much time with her, he could already see that she was different then he imagined her to be. His father had told him tales about her bravery. The things that she had accomplished. How professional and courteous she was to those she wanted to help. Of course he had heard the stories, couldn't help but ask questions or eavesdrop if he ever heard anyone talk about her. There were many rumors and speculations of course, half he couldn't even take seriously. Secret Hanar lover affairs and stored away slave children. Some even said she gave birth from a secret lover and that's why she disappeared for two years. Corrupt political associations and xenophile orgy accusations. There were those of course that made him fearful of her, rumors of things that she had experienced and done, people she savagely killed, although he could never tell what was truth or myth.

Thinking back on his first encounter of her, how she had yelled his name from the catwalk surprising him. Her eyes burning into his like a raging emerald storm, enough to cause him hesitation and distraction from his target. He was so pissed that he had missed his mark and in turn she had chased him through the Citadel in that tight black armor, like a dark angel of vengeance, only to stop him from killing that Turian.

He could see why his father had called her Siha. He could see why people respected her. He could see how quick her personality could change from playful to deadly in a moment, but what he couldn't see, was exactly how many aspects of her personality existed. There was something about her though that made him want to find out. Something that drew him to her. To trail a dangerous line and push her. He doubted many men came out from that experience unscathed, but he wanted to try. He just couldn't figure out if it was just sex he wanted or perhaps something else.

Maybe he had a death wish, or maybe he just liked it rough. Either way, he knew he wasn't being smart about any of it, pushing the boundaries between them. The terrible thoughts in his head. There was just something about her though that made him unable to control his mouth. Kolyat knew he was a vocal individual, sometimes hard to handle. He was quick to speak his mind and not hold back his feelings. It seemed like she was no different. Almost carefree and uncaring of what people thought about her. It was one of the things he liked most so far.

He knew the thoughts going through his mind were wrong and most likely to get him in serious trouble, but he couldn't stop thinking about her since the night she let him kiss her. What she had felt like, tasted like, smelt like. _The way she had looked at the station._ Kolyat groaned as his mind wandered to the way her hips swayed as she walked. How perfect her pale legs were, the thick mass of red hair that was sexy and wild, just like he imagined her to be. He could see the lust in the eyes of most of the males she passed.

Despite sections of awkward silence, lunch had felt more comfortable than he thought it would be. She was playful, fun and lively. Maybe what he had seen at the C-Sec ball was just a moment of sadness, perhaps a bad day? Even though his gut had sensed something off about her, she had given him no other reason to think otherwise. He thought perhaps…well maybe he was over reading it.

What interested him the most now though was the thought of his father with her. He knew his father had loved her deeply. Saw it in the small smile that would find its way to his lips when he spoke about her. The kind look in his eyes if he thought about her. His father was usually so serious when he spoke, never really showing him much of his personality other than his unending patience or sharp tongue when he had reached his limit. How was it that she had fallen in love with him? Most of the time they had spent together only resulted in long stretches of unspoken words. _That's because you didn't want to know him._

Kolyat swallowed down the rise of regret that tried to fill his lungs. In the end that simple truth made him realize that there was still much he never knew about his father, but he had a feeling the things he didn't know were exactly what had made Shepard and him work. The missing link that made them fall in love. The more Kolyat thought about it, the more something seemed to be missing between the two of them. A woman who he now secretly wanted for himself.

Kolyat took a deep breath and steeled his nerves as he ascended the stairs to her office. Narissa was sitting at her desk when he came through the door. Her dark grey eyes meeting his as a mischievous smile spread across her dark lavender painted mouth, waiting for him as he approached her.

"I didn't actually think I would be seeing you again so soon." She quipped as he came to her desk.

"Yeah well, I like to do the opposite of what people expect. It keeps them on their toes"

"So then I take it you're back for more punishment? You didn't learn your lesson the first time?"

"I guess not. Is she in? This time she's expecting me." Narissa looked down at the small tray of coffee cups and grinned knowingly.

"Well I have to give it to you, you're a smart man. She might think twice about shooting you again…at least until after she finishes her coffee." Kolyat grinned and grabbed one of the cups off the tray, placing it on her desk.

"This is for you. It's a popular tea on Thessia. We got off on the wrong foot last time, maybe we can start over?" Narissa smiled at him in appreciation taking the cup as she stared at it thoughtfully.

"You know, I don't even know your name."

"It's Kolyat Krios."

"Well Kolyat…I accept your peace offering. Does that mean you want to go out for a drink sometime?" Kolyat sucked his teeth and frowned immediately in displeasure. _Are you kidding me?_

"I'm joking!" Narissa spoke up quickly, eyes widening in panic from his disposition.

"I took the hint the first time. Shepard said you're more interested in your studies right now anyway." _Shepard spoke to her about him?_

"I wonder what else she has said about me." He mused quietly more to himself then to her, making her hum in interest once again.

"Are you just playing hard to get now? We can talk about it privately if that was really your intention all along." She eyed him teasingly, her voice a little heady now and this time Kolyat snorted back a laugh. Knowing now that she was just trying to bait him.

"What is with you Asari and automatically thinking that everyone wants to sleep with you? Like you're the galaxies gift to other races?"

"You mean we're not?" Narissa looked back at him in mock horror.

"Hardly." Kolyat deadpanned.

"Then that just means you don't know a good thing when you see it. Everyone wants us. Have you ever been with an Asari?"

"This isn't about me." He met her eyes stoically refusing to give anything away. She smiled and crossed one leg over the other adjusting her position on her chair.

"What is it with you Drell and being so uptight? Do you even know how to have a good time?"

"I know how to have a good time, but my personal life is none of your business."

"Ouch, you just got ugly real fast. Illusion of sexiness blown." Narissa reached her hands out in front of her and made a small explosion gesture. "Tall, dark and handsome no longer exist for you. It's gone forever. My condolences."

"Well it's a good thing I wasn't trying to impress you."

"Yeah it's too bad for you, because you just missed out on a _**really**_ good thing." Kolyat snorted back another laugh as Narissa winked playfully and hit the button on her terminal opening the door for him. He grinned and nodded his thanks before entering Shepard's office.

Kolyat stifled a groan as he spotted her immediately sitting at her desk. Her blood red hair was piled high on her head and still seemed to be slightly damp, held together with a large clip. She wore only the minimal amount of makeup today which Kolyat seemed to prefer more since it left her looking more youthful and pure. She wore a plain V-neck black dress with short sleeves and only the barest of jewelry; a black bracelet and black studded earrings. She looked like the girl next door you secretly wanted to fuck who had the father you were terrified of, so you never asked her out.

One leg crossed over the other, arms crossed over her chest, she sat casually grinning at her center monitor. She glanced up at him momentarily as he entered and gave him a little wave, her smile bright and welcoming. The smile of an angel.

"Is someone there now?" He heard the smooth double tremor of a voice over the speaker making his whole body stiffen in discomfort. Kolyat fought back his hesitation as he approached realizing immediately the rumbled vocals of another male Drell.

"Why are you jealous?" Shepard grinned, her vibrant green eyes flashing mischievously.

"Should I be?" The male coyly retorted.

"It's another male Drell, maybe you should be."

"You act as if Drell's fall from the vents." Kolyat heard the male snort in amusement.

"Actually in Dantius…"

"Very funny. You're nothing but a tease Shepard. I'm calling your bluff."

"You don't believe me?" He watched her blink rapidly and feign guiltlessness pointing to herself innocently.

"No." The voice deadpanned making Kolyat force himself not to smirk.

"Come on, you know I would never lie to you." The male hummed in denial and Kolyat could hear the teasing till in his sub harmonic but was unsure if Shepard picked up on it. "Do you want to meet him? I'm sure you two would hit it off."

"Hm? Is this one of those awkward situations where you have a gay friend and I have a gay friend and you just automatically assume they will fall in love? Just because Drells are few and far between outside Kahje, doesn't mean we can all be friends or lovers."

"Really? You're going to act like that? You don't have to be a dick about it. You could have just said 'no, I'm too jealous because he's probably better looking than me', or something along the lines like that."

"Did you just try to imitate our voices?"

"Didn't work?"

"You sounded like a dying old man." The other male said seriously making Shepard laugh loudly and look towards him.

"Did I really sound like that?"

"Or some kind of dying animal." Kolyat answered approaching her slowly. She snorted in distaste and grinned softly.

"See ganging up on me already."

"It's part of our culture. Many Drell women are into that." The male on the monitor quipped making Kolyat snicker. Shepard glanced at him and frowned.

"So I've heard, but we're not about to have that conversation." Shepard motioned for Kolyat to approach and as he rounded her desk to view the monitors he was greeted by a multicolored Drell who grinned at him widely as soon as he came into view.

"You could have just told me it was Kolyat and I would have left it at that."

"Do I know you?" He asked in confusion, quickly trying to recollect the Drell from his memories.

"No. We've never actually met. My name is Feron. I worked with your father a few times."

"My father? Are you part of the Compact?

"Not for a long time. I'm an information trader."

"You were part of the Compact?" Shepard asked in surprise glancing back at Feron on the monitor who leaned forward touching a few things off screen before glancing back at them.

"Another lifetime. So, are we ready to do this?"

"I am if you are, skittles." Shepard said enthusiastically cracking her knuckles and flexing her fingers.

"Skittles?" Feron asked in confusion as Kolyat glanced at Shepard in uncertainty.

"What the hell is skittles?"

"It's a rainbow candy from Earth. It has a slogan, taste the rainbow and, oh God…I just realized what I said." Feron and Kolyat both shared a look and snickered from Shepard's discomfort as she adjusted herself in her seat and turned on the screens of the other two monitors.

"Never mind, forget I said that."

"You know we can't, but I can come up with a hundred inappropriate comebacks right now."

"I can too." Kolyat chimed in as he turned her attention to the cups he placed on her desk. Shepard smiled at him brightly and grabbed the cup taking a sip. She closed her eyes and sighed happily.

"You really did plan to bribe me, huh?"

"I wanted to make sure your trigger finger had at least one day off from strenuous activity."

"How thoughtful."

"She tried to shoot you already?" Feron raised both of his eye ridges in surprise making Shepard frown again and glare at the monitors.

"Why do you automatically assume that I shoot everyone I meet?"

"Well in my case you electroshocked me after I told you not to touch the controls."

"You're never going to let me live that down are you? I said I was sorry! You act as if I did it on purpose."

"She electroshocked you?" Kolyat asked nervously.

"It wasn't on purpose. I just like to mess with her about it now, although it really wasn't funny at the time. Hurt like hell."

Kolyat heard Shepard sigh beside him placing the cup down on the desk. He couldn't even comprehend that kind of pain coursing through his body. If Shepard had accidentally touched controls then that meant he had been hooked up to some kind of extensive network intentionally. Was Feron a prisoner at one point? Did Shepard save him? Multiple questions started to form in his mind but he knew now was not the appropriate time to ask. He heard Shepard crack her knuckles once more as she adjusted herself on her chair and began typing quickly over the keyboard. Information started to appear on the screen and he watched Feron's eyes shift to his right slightly.

"All right boys, play time is over. Let's get down to business." Kolyat blinked slowly as he watched her whole disposition change into the woman who was Commander Shepard.

"I'm linking to you now. I activated the extra scramblers." Feron said, his own seriousness taking over his features.

"Feron is the one who will be obtaining the new ID's for your friends." Shepard said towards Kolyat hitting a few buttons on her omnitool before turning her attention to the monitor on her right.

"I'm ready for the names when you are, Kolyat. I have to fabricate new backgrounds and be prepared to make their current ones slowly disappear when ready. It's going to take some time. The sooner I start the process, the better."

Kolyat swallowed roughly suddenly nervous. Baily trusted him with this, he didn't want to let him or his family down. This other Drell though he didn't really know, but he did trust Shepard and if Shepard trusted him-.

"I don't trust people easily Kolyat, and Feron is one of the few I do. He is my contact for these matters. I can assure you, he will not betray us." She suddenly said as he felt her hand lightly brush against his arm as if reading his mind.

"You have my complete honor and promise that your friends will be safe. Trust me. I would never betray Shepard. I won't betray you." Feron spoke over the monitors staring at him gravely, the till in his throat indicating complete earnest honesty before it changed into a silent question of budding friendship. Kolyat nodded and returned his own till of acceptance which made Feron slightly grin and nod.

"Are you guys doing that subharmonic thing?"

"Now who's the jealous one?" Feron quipped making Kolyat smile and Shepard coo softly.

"Trust me, I wouldn't dream of coming in between your budding bromance. Let's get started shall we."

It took everything Kolyat had in order not to say anything as he heard the perverted till in Feron's throat which he knew was only meant for him. Yeah, he could definitely see them becoming friends quick. Coughing into his hand to control his snicker, Kolyat started telling them the names and ages of Bailey's family. As he spoke Shepard and Feron started typing simultaneously. He could see the moment both of them realized who the family was.

"No wonder you were so hush hush about this. Are you the only one he went to?" Shepard asked and he nodded in response.

"It took a lot for him to trust me with this. I promised him I wouldn't let him down and that his family would be safe."

"You did good coming to me with this. Feron has the resources to help them."

"Don't worry Kolyat. Nothing is going to happen…hmmm? Well that's not good." Feron commented. His eyes narrowed as he turned his attention to his left, his fingers flying over the keyboard in precise lighting quick strokes.

"This just got a little complicated. Shepard do you see this?"

"Yeah."

"What's happening?" Kolyat asked trying to swallow down the worry in his throat as he sensed the urgency in in Shepard and Feron's typing. He leaned forward and rested his weight on one of his hands as he leaned in beside Shepard ignoring the sweet scents coming off her as he forced himself to focus and stare at her monitor. He let out a low growl of confusion as the human language swarmed over his screen and he was unable to read most of it. A tap on his arm brought his attention to the screen beside him as Shepard taped a key and switched the monitor over to the Drell language.

"That's Feron's monitor, so you can see what's happening. A hit was put out on the family."

Kolyat sucked in a breath as he read all the information flooding over the screen and Feron's file hacking as information and security programs were being broken through without the least bit of resistance. Whatever kind of information trader Feron was, he was fucking good at what he did.

"Feron can you-"

"Already on it Shep." Feron quickly said as more files were hacked through and he connected to a satellite which began emitting a search pulse.

"The request came from the Citadel. I'm tracing the path of contact…okay, got it. Whoever made the request is an amateur. I have already traced the path."

"It's most likely a local gang. I doubt they had the resources or the know how to hide the trace properly. Hopefully they just hired a mercenary." Shepard spoke up leaning back in her chair as she watched Feron work.

"Are you able to stop the request?" Kolyat asked hopefully, praying that it wasn't too late. If the hit was already placed then he didn't have much time and would probably have to move Clarie and the kids somewhere safe as soon as possible.

"Feron-"

"I see it. A bounty hunter picked it up. I'm sending you the coordinates of the ship." Kolyat stared intently at the screen as he watched the other male move quickly, suddenly feeling Shepard's eyes on him as he released a long breath of relief when he saw where the ship was.

"Good. They haven't reached the Citadel yet." Kolyat said more to himself already knowing that Shepard and Feron were seeing the same thing.

"Yeah, but their closer then I would have liked." Shepard said as a red pulse indicator appeared on the screen showing that the other Drell was trying to communicate with the ship.

"Come on you bastard answer the hail…Shepard if they don't accept the communca- there we go!"

"Do you want me to talk-"

"No." Feron and Kolyat both said at the same time. Shepard frowned and crossed her arms over her chest and huffed as she stared at the monitors.

"Sorry Shepard, but I got this." Feron spoke up looking above him and hitting a few switches and buttons off screen above him.

"Do you think I'm going to threaten them?" She blinked innocently, Kolyat wasn't at all convinced.

"Let's try to end this without an explosion shall we?" He heard the other Drell say seriously glancing at the two of them on his monitor as he went back to typing. Kolyat could see the message indicator on his screen of everything Feron and the Hunter were saying to one another.

"You're taking all the fun out of life Feron, I hope you know that."

"I'll make it up to you. Besides, this guy is not happy right now."

"Tell him we'll buy the contract off him. Hopefully this guy's only loyal to his next paycheck."

"Whoever this guy is, he's not an assassin. I'm sure I can work something out."

"Ask him how much he received for the hit. I'll pay whatever he's asking." Kolyat said almost desperately, wondering how much the lives of Bailey's family was worth.

"Kolyat." Shepard's gentle voice pulled his gaze from the monitor towards hers. Her hand went over his softly to give his fingers a slight squeeze to reassure him. Her eyes were confident and kind.

"We got this. Don't worry." She whispered softly, her soft pink glossed lips smiling gently. Kolyat nodded at her as he felt the truth of her words deep inside himself. He should not doubt her, coming to her was truly the best thing he could have done. She would save them, no matter what. Kolyat slowly pulled away from her and stood up straight crossing his arms over his chest as he waited patiently reading the conversation between Feron and the Bounty Hunter. Forty thousand credits, the cost of a woman and two small children.

"Shepard how much do you want me to throw at him?"

"Double it." She answered without hesitation. _What the fuck? Eighty thousand credits?_ Kolyat couldn't even fathom trying to obtain that many credits in such a short period of time. Feron countered immediately and then sucked his teeth.

"This greedy fuck. He wants more."

"One hundred thousand."

"He wants one twenty."

"Just give it to him Feron, before I have someone blow up his ship, just because I don't like the color." Shepard said seriously making Feron grin as he went through with the trade and transferred the credits. _Did he seriously not even blink as he handed over a hundred and twenty thousand credits?_ His chest tightened when he handed over a few hundred to Claire. Kolyat rubbed the back of his neck in uncertainty as they all waited quietly for the Hunter to transfer the bounty data over and turn his ship around.

"Well that was boring. You sure we can't go and blow up his ship anyway?"

"He was only doing his job Shep. You can't blame him for that."

"Yeah, but he was so greedy about it."

"I think you're just looking for an excuse to shoot something."

"Maybe…I can't wait to go after these bastards that put the hit out on Bailey's family though."

"I agree. I will help any other way I can. In the meantime, I'll start working on the new identities. Kolyat, I would suggest moving the family somewhere safer for now. Once the ID's are uploaded into their omnitools everything is going to happen quickly. They need to be prepared for that."

"I understand. Thank you Feron. I owe you one." Kolyat turned towards the monitor and bowed respectfully. He really was indebted to this male. Feron smiled and nodded back at him.

"Hey, let's exchange contact information. Next time I'm in the Citadel I expect payback."

"I don't think I can afford that." Kolyat said seriously as they exchanged their numbers and contact credentials.

"How about a drink and we'll call it even?" Feron smirked and sent him a message on his omnitool with the name of a bar Kolyat was familiar with. He nodded and returned the other Drells smile before nodding his agreement.

"Sounds good to me."

"Awwww, I love the start of bromance." Shepard cooed playfully.

"Really? Because all I hear is jealousy." Feron retorted smiling cheekily as they said their goodbyes and he disconnected leaving Shepard and him in sudden silence.

"I knew you two would hit it off." She said happily grabbing her coffee cup to take a few heavy gulps and standing. The closeness of her made him pause before he took a step back so as not to crowd her, catching the subtle flower scent again as she moved.

"How long have you known Feron?" He asked taking his own forgotten tea as she motioned for him to go to the seating area in the center of her office.

"Feron was actually helping me long before I met him, but personally I've known him a little over two years now. He's a really close friend. I trust him with my life…actually it's because of him I'm even alive."

"What do you mean?"

"Feron was the one who retrieved my body and gave it to Cerberus who was able to bring me back to life."

"So the stories are true? You really were brought back from Kalahira's shore?" Kolyat asked in awe as he took a seat on the furthest couch and stared at Shepard in amazement.

"Just don't ask me if I remember any sand or beaches, because I don't. It's very fuzzy…and don't look at me like that." She frowned slightly as she passed by him putting a hand on her hip as she regarded his expression disdainfully. All he could suddenly focus on was that same fragrance from before. Something sweet and soft drifting off her.

"Sorry, you probably get sick of all the hero worship don't you?"

"Yeah, but believe it or not I can still support my head." She joked which made him grin and chuckle gently. She stared at him a moment as if she was thinking about something deeply and all he wanted to do was figure out exactly what was going through her head. _What kind of secrets she must possess._ They stayed in silence for a moment and he couldn't stop his eyes from wandering over her body, glancing at the curves and the cut of her black dress that accentuated the femininity of her. Despite her being a hero, on multiple levels, she was still a woman. An incredibly beautiful, interesting, intricate-

"What is that smell?" He blurted unexpectedly making her quirk an eyebrow at him in piqued interest.

"Smell? Do you smell something weird?" She asked on the precipice of alarm as she glanced around.

"No. It's soft, like…what's that flower…the purple one from Earth now that I think about it."

"Lavender?"

"Yes, lavender…and something else…it's actually-"

"Oh! It must be my new body wash I bought yesterday. Lavender and honeysuckle. I forgot how sensitive a Drells sense of smell is. I'll ease up on any perfumes and washes next time we-"

"No, you smell really nice." _You smell really nice? What the fuck kind of lame shit was that?_ He swallowed roughly as he mentally groaned as he watched her hesitate from what he said. Just a subtle hint of halting movement as she smoothed down the back of her skirt and sat on the couch opposite him. _Great, now she thinks I'm weird._

"Thank you." She said quietly her eyes running over him a moment taking him in. Her bright green eyes trailing him from head to toe before glancing away. _Does she realize how she looks at me? How fucking erotic her gaze is when she does that?_

"What are you thinking about?" She asked almost huskily licking her lips subconsciously. Her eyes assessing him as if she was reading exactly what was going through his head as he became more aware of her and exactly how alone they were. Was he guilty of looking at her the same way? Was his face giving away his thoughts?

 _I'm thinking about how much I suddenly want to touch you. How much I want to taste that lavender on you. How much I want to run my tongue over your neck and feel how fast I can make your pulse run wild. I know your tongue will taste better than the first time._ He blinked at her slowly keeping his expression as stoic as possible.

"I would like to discuss the favor you asked of me yesterday." _That's right don't give yourself away._

"Favor? Oh…the Unveiling."

"We're finally alone, out of ear shot or prying eyes. Now is the perfect opportunity to discuss it. You said you were in danger."

"I'm always in danger."

"Yes, I know, I'm Commander Shepard and I shoot everyone I meet. I'm sure that pisses a lot of people off, but we're not talking about your first impression skills." Kolyat sighed waving his hand to dismiss her attempt at trying to push the subject away.

"I have excellent first impression skills. I made a hell of a one on you, that's for sure." She smirked coyly.

"Were not talking about me right now and your trying to change the subject. I want to know what you need from me in order to help you." He kept his tone serious his dark gaze locked on hers. He watched as her whole demeanor changed. Bemused and grinning, to serious and confident, something dark and dangerous flashing in her eyes as she regarded him.

"Feron found that a hit was put out on me and he believes they plan to make a public spectacle of it. I am scheduled to make a speech at this event, any assassination attempt will most likely occur during that open window of time. It would be the best opportunity for them to kill me. I'll be on guard, but distracted."

"He was able to trace the hit on Bailey's family. Can't he intercept the hit placed on you as well?"

"Feron's good, but whoever placed this hit was a professional. He's been trying everything, but despite the extensive connections at his disposal it has only led him to scrambled networks and elaborate dead ends. An assassin is harder to trace then a hired mercenary or thug. Even harder to take down."

"To kill the best, you have to hire the best." Kolyat said quietly, making Shepard nod gravely. "Do you think someone from the Compact was hired?"

"God, I hope not. Even on one of his bad days, Thane gave me a run for my money. He could beat the shit out of me if I stepped wrong when we spared. The only thing that would make me hopeful if someone from the Compact was hired, is the fact that I have already crossed paths with the best. Everyone else would just seem like an amateur now."

"Was he really that good?" Kolyat looked down at his lap as he thought back on his father. The quiet man who tried to connect with him. The stranger who would visit as he grew up, only to disappear completely after his mother was killed. Only to reappear with the woman before him now.

"Yeah…the worst part though…he knew it too. That cocky little shit pissed me off during our first few conversations." Her comment made him pause. He had so many questions now, so many things he wanted to know pertaining to them, but he knew now wasn't the time for tales of the past. Pushing away his curiosity and memories that threatened to surface he focused on the fact in front of him. Shepard was in danger and he wanted to help.

"I was scheduled to patrol this event. I can notify Bailey privately of what you just informed me of. He can set up extra perimeter security in case of snipers. Maybe scan the vents and set up scanner checkpoints for weapons. As for me being your personal bodyguard-"

"It's okay Kolyat. It was a spur of the moment request. I shouldn't have asked you." She said shrugging her shoulders, taking another sip of her coffee. Kolyat narrowed his eyes and blinked at her in confusion. Why was she suddenly having second thoughts about asking him? Did she need his help or not?

"If you weren't serious about needing my help then why did you bring it up in the first place?"

"Feron offered to go with me but I don't want his identity to be compromised. He recommended that a Drell would be better choice as a bodyguard and…"

"And?"

"I don't know if it was his training or the capabilities of your species but there were times that Thane would notice subtle movements or sounds, sometimes a shift in the lighting or slight scents. Something you just demonstrated before with my body wash. Things the rest of us couldn't see or hear. It just popped into my head when I was having lunch with you that maybe-"

"I am not my father. I have had none of his training, so don't think by asking me-"

"Let's get one thing straight. I was never the one who said you were Thane. That seems to be a chip on _**your**_ shoulder." Kolyat growled in anger from her accusation.

"So then you changed your mind because you don't think I can handle it?"

"I didn't say that." Her voice was dark and matter of fact.

"You don't have to. I can see it on your face."

"Look, I promised your father-"

"I don't give a shit what you promised him."

"He wanted me to keep an eye on you and make sure I kept you out of danger, if I could."

"So that means he didn't trust me enough to make my own decisions. He knew I decided to stay with C-Sec, did he honestly think I wouldn't have to get my hands dirty?"

"Trust me, that's what I told him, but he didn't want to hear it and I didn't want to argue with him at the time. I just couldn't bring myself to."

Kolyat understood what she was saying, one of the few times he had spent time with them he had walked into the hospital room when their voices were raised. He could see the strain on both of their faces although he had no idea what they were discussing. Shepard had said hello to him and smiled sadly before leaving them alone, and his father did what he did best, put on a stoic stare until he was ready to talk again.

"It's not that he didn't trust you Kolyat. He loved you…more than anything in existence. He was so desperate to find you, so desperate…for you to be happy. He believed in you so strongly. That you would be capable of such good. You were his reason to hold on for as long as he did."

"You were too." He said automatically believing both of their words wholeheartedly. She smiled sadly and looked away, taking a sip of her coffee. Something in his chest tightened as he stared at her, the distant look in her eyes as if once again she was thinking about the past. He didn't want their time together to be in reminiscing. He didn't want to see her sad.

"My father… he wanted for me not to become the people he hunted. He wanted my descent into darkness to cease, he wanted to keep me out of crime…and I have left that life behind me. You don't owe him anything else, but giving me an opportunity to protect you is something I know he would have approved on. You say he believed in me…I ask that you do as well."

She turned her gaze on him assessing his words, mulling over everything he just said in her mind. Her face and façade changed again as she looked him up from head to toe as if she was sizing him up, trying to think what he could be capable of. Everything in him hoped she liked whatever she was looking for.

"All right Kolyat, I have never once been considered unfair, so let's hear it. Convince me why I should trust you enough to put my life in your hands. Be my eyes and ears? Would you truly be able to kill someone who tried to kill me? Listen to my commands without question? Take orders without argument?"

Kolyat thought a moment about what he wanted to say. She was giving him an opportunity, a chance to show him that she believed in him, but she wanted to see how much he believed in himself. Could he be what she needed? Yes…he would prove it to her. He would prove it to himself.

"Shepard, I am not the same person I was when you first met me. I will not hesitate to do what must be done. I have trained and studied. I know what it's like to have someone rush at you with a gun and stay calm. I have experienced being stuck in crossfire. Someone trying to kill me or disarm me. A gun pointed in my face. I received training in multiple weapons and hand to hand combat. I will follow your commands…all you have to do is give me a signal. I will not hesitate. I will be your weapon…Let me guard you Shepard. I joined C-Sec to protect others. Let me do my job. No one will touch you, I swear to it on my life."

He stared at her in determination knowing it was too late now to back down. He wanted to show her that he could do it. That she could turn to him if she needed someone. This wasn't about him owing her anymore, this was about what he would be willing to do for her. He wanted to protect her, he wanted to be there for her if she needed someone. _Shit, I really do want to be what my father was to her._ Slowly a smile spread across her lips and he let out a breath of relief, he knew he had just convinced her.

"You've changed. You're more confident now…more determined to prove the world wrong."

"Everyone needs to grow up sometime." A soft smile finally spread across his mouth in which she returned with her own wide grin as she crossed one leg over the other and adjusted herself more comfortably on the couch.

"Well than just one question still remains…Do you own a suit? It's a formal event."

"I…no…but I can get one."

"Do you need to buy one?"

"Are you about to insult me again and offer me money?"

"No." Her mouth quirked as she tried to fight back her smile knowing he had caught her in her lie. Kolyat sighed and rubbed the ridges over the top of his head not wishing to start a fight with her. He knew she was about to do just that.

"I can speak to my friend Taran. He will let me borrow one of his."

"Is it going to fit? Taran is skinnier than you. I'm not sure if the muscles in your chest and shoulders are going to accommodate the suits for his stature. The pants might be really tight."

"You seem to be really interested and familiar with my body all of a sudden. Is there something you should be telling me Shepard?" Kolyat grinned at her coyly knowing he was giving her a very male look of appreciation.

"Don't get any funny ideas. You need to be armed and your typical tight leathers, although very sexy on Drells, might not give enough hidden coverage for the type of heat and ammo you might have to pack, just in case."

"You think my leathers are sexy?" He mused as his mind suddenly wandered. _I bet they'd look better on your bedroom floor._

"Drells should be ashamed by the way they dress. Half of you are like walking wet dreams. I'm surprised there aren't more women falling at your feet as you move through the Citadel." Kolyat laughed genuinely her eyes brightening considerably as she watched him. _This woman._

"They must be swooning after I pass them I assure you, because I don't notice it. Actually, were one of the races most ignored. None of us hold any prominent positions. Honestly, unless the Hanar appoint us in a position of importance, other races just consider us an exotic lay, or they use us for the effects of our venom."

"I…never thought about that."

"I know, that's why I hear so many important figures in other races are comfortable with you. You're friends come in all kinds I hear."

"They do. I try to be as open as possible to everyone around me." She smiled gently her gaze moving far away as if she was thinking back on a memory. He found it fascinating that humans can just think about something without vocalizing it. He wondered if they could be as vivid as a Drells even though they couldn't recall smell, touch or taste. Was it like watching a movie on a screen?

"You know positions of power for Drells are about to change right?"

"What do you mean?"

"When you pass your Detective exam. I'm sure you don't have plans of stopping there, do you?"

"No." He admitted in a whisper, surprise filling his lungs at the sincerity of her words. He didn't like to talk about this to anyone because he didn't want even the tiniest voice of ridicule to deter him from his choice. Did she truly feel this way?

"When? Not if?" He swallowed nervously watching her smile turn confident.

"When. You know you're going to probably start at fifth or sixth class, but you're eventually going to aim for first, am I right?"

Kolyat shifted uncomfortably in his chair and looked down at his lap. He had never discussed these types of things with anyone before. Taran and Mira sometimes, but the real personal he was scared to say out loud. He didn't think he could trust anyone enough who might understand him. Who might truly believe in him and not view the restraints of his race or low standing in society. There was something about this woman's aura that was calming. Just by looking in her eyes there was something that made you believe that anything she said could happen. You could believe in her words, and it just made it real.

"I…yes. That's…my dream. I want to save as many lives as I can. I want to be detective first class."

"You will Kolyat. One day, I know you will."

He met her eyes slowly, the hammering of his heartbeat in his chest drowning out all other sounds in the room. Did she have any idea what those simple words meant to him, the emotion that threatened to overwhelm him? His father had once told him that he had the capability to create good because he was the only good thing that he had ever brought into the world. He wasn't trying to prove anything to anyone but he took those words to heart. Goodness and evil were misbalanced in the galaxy at least on the Citadel he wanted to be on the side to try and tip the scale. He no longer wanted to live in the life of destroying families, he wanted to protect them.

"Thank you. It actually means a lot to me that you said that."

"Do you have plans tomorrow?" She suddenly blurted out making him blink at her several times until he was able to catch his bearings.

"I know you just got off shift and need some rest because of another shift tonight but what are your plans for tomorrow? Are you free?" Kolyat checked his schedule on his omnitool and she pulled up hers as well. He was actually supposed to go to the club with a few co-workers tomorrow night but if she wanted to see him…

"I'm free. I have the day off."

"Will I be interrupting your studies?"

"Don't worry about that. All I've been doing is studying and working. I could use a break."

"Missing the bar scene are we?" She smiled coyly shifting herself in her seat, Kolyat's eyes catching on the slight rise of her skirt on her thighs.

"There's always time for the bar scene. Why? Are you inviting me out for a drink?" _How fucking sexy would you look staring at me while you drank a Weeping Heart._

"I actually want to take you somewhere and show you something. If you agree, it could help Bailey's family, but it's something I think you would like to see."

"So, are you asking me out on a date?"

"What is it with you and the date thing? Stop teasing me. Save your charm for the floozy's at the bars. They're more susceptible to your bad boy charm anyway."

Kolyat hummed and grinned at her and she stared at him in defiance waiting for him to say something back, but just as he was about to the buzzer on her intercom went off and Narissa's voice sounded on the speaker.

"Ms. Shepard your first appointment is here." Shepard sighed and looked away as Narissa's voice beeped away. Was she as disappointed from the interruption as he was?

"What time would you like to meet tomorrow?" He asked softly being rewarded with her vibrant green eyes looking at him again in glee.

"Do you want to meet at the same café we had lunch in the other day? Maybe around 1100? You can make me eat something you don't like." Kolyat snickered softly from her joke.

"Sounds good to me." He said as they both got up and she saw him to the exit. He grinned at her just as they made it to the door before smoothly dropping his lips to her ear in passing and whispered just loud enough for her to hear clearly.

"I know it doesn't take much, but I hope you look as sexy as you did the other day at the station for me." He didn't look at her again as the doors opened and he walked out, because he didn't have to. He could smell the shift in her scent, heard her breath catch in her throat, felt the sudden heaviness in the air between them. He knew that slowly they were starting to have an effect on one another. The subtle scent of her arousal that first night was now a fingerprint etched into his mind. He wondered if it was possible, that she would be able to remember his.

* * *

 **Author's Note: I will never take credit when something is not mine and I just want to say that I do not remember which fanfic I once read, but the Weeping Heart drink was used by someone else, so I do not take credit for creating that drink that is infused with Drell venom. Hope to see you all in the next chapter.**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

His hands moved gently down her body, his heated flesh making her back arch as he followed the trail of fingers with lips and tongue. The rough coursed texture igniting every nerve ending he touched. Her moans were loud as he explored her, his lips reaching her core. His tongue dipping within her moistened heat making her cry out in bliss as he pushed past her outer folds. Hot hands were at her thighs, the large elegant fingers sinking into her flesh perfectly. Shepard willingly spread her legs wider, rolling her hips into his strokes until she was begging him for completion.

"So impatient, Siha." He rumbled his amusement, his guttural voice husky in arousal. She loved that voice, she didn't care if he read those boring philosophy books of his all day to her while they were together. To her it sounded like a love sonnet. Just listening to him breath made her wet in desire.

He pulled her up to sit upon his lap, his hardened length brushing against her center as he buried his face into her neck to smell her deeply. His perfect white teeth sank into her, marking her as his, as the dozen small barbs hidden within quickly shot out and pricked her, releasing his venom. The warm sensation slowly running into her, claiming her completely. Her hands went around to the back of his crown, her fingers caressing the ridges as she sighed in happiness. She heard the till of arousal in his throat, knowing the areas that drove him to the point of losing control. She knew every stripe and speckle, every curve and dip of his body. Every spot to bring him pleasure.

"Please Thane, I need you." She begged him, wanting to feel him inside her. She felt his grip on her tighten, the feeling suddenly sending unfamiliar alarm to run through her as his fingers dug into her skin, The strength of him sending the first sharp pain through her side as she met his gaze questioningly. She knew he could be rough and she loved it, but he had never actually hurt her and another flex of his fingers suddenly had her cringing in discomfort. Something had changed, he was trying to hurt her on purpose.

"Do we have to use the safe word?" She joked, her confusion heightening as he stared at her stoically before narrowing his eyes in anger.

"Would you have chosen differently?"

"What?" She asked in uncertainty as the till in his voice growled at her.

Thane's gaze shifted behind her and she turned her head in alarm as another pair of hands grasped her waist making her whole body stiffen in surprise. She tried to struggle but for some reason she suddenly couldn't move, not even her biotics were coming to her defense.

Thane bit her again in dominant possession, forcing her not to move, pumping more venom into her as the second pair of hands moved up her hips to snake around the front of her grabbing her breasts. She felt their fingers pinch her teasingly, making her nipples harden in anticipation and pleasure. A hot mouth on her back, the feel of it making her more responsive as it kissed and licked up her spine. Her body betrayed her and she shuddered in desire, a moan escaping her throat as tears filled her eyes _. No, this isn't right. This can't be real._

"Would you have chosen differently?" She heard another voice say further away but she couldn't pin point who or where it was. The mouth on her back came to her shoulder, the lips taking her ear lobe into their mouth to bite down gently upon it. She tried to scream but all that came out was a whimper as the hands pinched her harder, squeezing her crudely. The rough feeling of their hands sending another forbidden wave of need to course through her body. _It feels like smooth scale._

"I knew you would look this sexy for me." The voice whispered in her ear making her gasp in shock. _Kolyat. It was Kolyat._

With a sharp sting Kolyat's teeth were at her neck marking her, his venom starting to claim her, as Thane suddenly plunged into her hard and fast. His thrusts unrelenting as her body accepted him willingly. She heard the voice again in the distance, vaguely aware that it was getting closer. She felt one of Kolyat's hands move to the front of her, his fused fingers rubbing that tiny bundle of nerves making her arch her back in pleasure, feeling herself slowly start to relax as Thane's grip around her eased. His thrusts and Kolyat's fingers bringing her right to the edge making her moan wantonly. _No…wait._

"Did you fuck him for the first time right before you took on that Collector Base? Nothing like the thought of death to spread your legs for the next man." She turned her head and looked towards the opening that lead to her closet where Kaidan was suddenly sitting in one of the chairs in her room. _Why is he here? How is he here?_

"Would you have chosen differently?" He spat leaning forward, resting his hands upon his knees, his face contorted in disgust. She blinked and suddenly Ashley and Miranda were standing behind him. She gasped in alarm, fear starting to overtake her.

"Would you have chosen differently?" She heard again, turning her head to the opposite side and suddenly she was falling to the floor as the bed and the two that held her disappeared. Zaeed was now staring down at her with hatred in his eyes. He threw her pistol down before her and as she went to grab it, she could smell the burning metals, the ash and fire of rancid flesh. Everything shifted again and then she was at the facility, and Zaeed was trapped below the rubble once again. She got to her feet, her naked flesh feeling the heat and dirt coat her skin. The burning warmth of the fires as they licked against her body.

"Do it!" He spat, blood pooling from his mouth. "Kill me!"

She raised the gun and took aim but paused when horns blared in the distance and she looked at the sky. Reapers blanketed the horizon and an army of husks were flooding towards her in the hundreds, approaching fast. She turned quickly and started to shoot one after the other, using her biotics and omni blade, but no matter how many she took down, three more replaced them. Soon they had swarmed her and all she felt was their fingers beginning to rip into her flesh.

Shepard screamed at the top of her lungs as she flailed in terror. She felt something holding her and it fueled her hysteria as she fought against the constricting entity, twisting her body until she fell upon the floor. Her hands grabbing the gun frantically on her nightstand aiming it out in front of her. Her breaths were wild and uncontrolled as she blinked rapidly, the fog of sleep started to disperse as she realized she was alone and whatever she thought was holding her was actually the sheet tangled in a heap around her legs.

Slowly she steadied her breaths, tears welling in her eyes as she clicked the safety back on her gun and tossed it down beside her, burying her face in her hands. _This is getting ridiculous. I'm losing my fucking mind._ Her lungs filling with anguish and regret as she brought her knees to her chest and rocked herself gently. Ashley was gone, dead because of her. Miranda was gone, dead because of her. Zaeed, she had killed in cold blood when he had turned on her, and Thane… _Oh God._ Nothing in the entire galaxy could have saved the man she had loved.

 _What a hot mess,_ she mused as the tears started to slow and eventually she was able to force herself to her feet. Making her way towards the living room she glanced outside the semi closed curtains noticing that artificial darkness still blanketing the horizon. _When was the last time I actually got a full night's sleep?_

Her eyes caught on the metal of Thane's Hikari, her gaze looking over the leather jacket and sniper rifle within the display case. Soon her hands were on the glass as fresh tears welled within her eyes. God, how she missed him…and then suddenly Kolyat's face flashed in her mind. _'I know it doesn't take much, but I hope you look as sexy as you did the other day at the station for me.'_ Shepard felt a shiver run over her skin as her mind wandered to the feeling of his hands and lips still fresh in her mind from her dream. No _..._ Why did she keep thinking about him _? Because you want him._

Putting her back against the case she sank to the floor, wrapping her arms around her legs as her mind wandered to the Drell that suddenly appeared in her life out of nowhere. She knew it was wrong to think about him in any other way than her past lover's son. It didn't matter if she was only a few years older than him. In another way it was more realistic for them to be lovers than her and Thane. _Would you have chosen differently?_

Shepard gasped as Thane's voice echoed in her mind and regret flooded within her throat. She shouldn't have allow Kolyat to get mixed up with her and now she was so confused by her feelings. Why did she agree to allow him to be her bodyguard? _He's not the same person he once was, he can handle this, you know that or you would have never agreed._

As Shepard rested her forehead on her knees, she forced herself to understand that no matter what she was thinking about Kolyat, she had to know that there was no way he was serious about her. She had spent enough time with Drells to recognize that he was attracted to her, but she just couldn't give in. _But you see the way he looks at you, and you want him too…_ No…Thane would never have allowed it…and his approval meant more to her than budding desires for a man… _his son…_ that she secretly now harbored. _It's just lust, nothing more._ She could ignore her body…she had to. _Tomorrow is going to be hell._

* * *

 _Oh God…he's wearing the outfit,_ she almost despaired as Kolyat smiled gently sitting down across from her. He was right on time, grabbing the attention of the waiter almost immediately.

"Do you want coffee?" He asked politely as he ordered a Soryu tea waiting for her to reply. She swallowed roughly unable to answer only nodding her head in acceptance ignoring the peculiar look he gave her as he told the waiter to give them a few minutes. _Holy hell, he looks amazing._ The black jacket looked exactly how she imagined it would. The dark leathers and vibrant teal of the vest a perfect match against his scales and stripes. The pants fit him perfectly and as she stared at him before he sat, she noticed how lean and sleek the outfit made him look, gaining the attentions of multiple females as he walked by them. _Fuck, they really are walking wet dreams._

"Are you okay?" Kolyat voiced in concern forcing her to focus. She blinked and smiled gently trying to play off her wandering mind and opted for playful banter hoping he wouldn't catch on to her terrible thought process. _Please tell me I didn't drool._

"You clean up nicely Krios and for the record I think you just missed the swooning as you walked past a bunch of tables."

She watched Kolyat's frills slightly redden as he ran a hand down the front of his vest in a nervous gesture before a grin spread across his face. His mind probably running a million miles a minute with things he wanted to say.

"So you're saying you like how I look?" His voice was smooth but his eyes stared at her with scorching intensity, as if no matter what she said he would automatically see the truth hidden in her mind. _Fucking hot as hell._

"I didn't say that." She snapped. Doing her best to keep her face and tone as neutral as possible, suddenly saved by the arrival of their drinks.

"But the outfit looks good?" He asked curiously, almost self-consciously.

"Don't play coy with me, you know it does. I have excellent taste." She answered halfheartedly picking up the menu to glance over it hearing him laugh deeply, a guttural double tremor of sound that made her insides tighten automatically. _If there is a God, the café will open up and just swallow me now. Please Lord, let a gun fight suddenly erupt as a distraction._

They were silent for a little while as they looked over the menu and sipped at their drinks until the waiter came back, her gaze catching on slight movement behind him, as a tiny almost unnoticeably flash went off. After they both ordered she glanced again towards what had grabbed her attention. A group of three women, the same ones who gawked at Kolyat as he passed a few tables down, stared at the two of them and whispered amongst themselves, another tiny flash going off. _Crap, I knew someone took a picture._ Shepard looked away and took a deep drink of her coffee.

"Your frowning, what's happening?" Kolyat asked immediately his face serious as he watched her gauging her change of demeanor.

"Nothing I shouldn't already be used to, but I think maybe we shouldn't have met in such a busy location."

"Do you want me to confiscate their omnitool's? I can get the photos and delete them if you want." His answer surprised her, did he already know what was happening? She never even noticed him turn around or glance at anything but her.

"You knew they were taking pictures?"

"The three woman in the back right? I noticed them as soon as I came in. I can also vaguely hear their conversation. Their trying to figure out if you're Commander Shepard and if the extremely handsome Drell with you is you're date."

"Did they really say extremely handsome or did you just throw that in there for good measure?" She grinned at him cheekily, the calmness that radiated off of him, allowing her own feelings of ease to sink within herself.

"That was the polite breakdown. There is also a Turian in the corner who was sweeping and stopped a moment to take a picture when he noticed me sit down with you too." Shepard sighed taking another sip of her coffee thinking about all the tabloids that were probably going to blow their whole lunch out of proportion. She could just imagine the stories that would circulate after they showed up together at the Unveiling. This is exactly why she didn't want Feron to go. There was no way he would have been able to stay out of the spotlight, but now the same problem would go for Kolyat.

"Kolyat…is this going to cause problems for you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Once the tabloids start seeing you with me, the rumors are going to fly. Don't you think it's going to diminish your chances of getting laid?"

He narrowed his eyes and looked away from her deep in thought. Maybe she should just ask him to go? She really wanted to show him something today, something that she thought it was time that he should see, but maybe it would be better for them both…

"I really don't care what anyone thinks about me that has nothing to do with my life. But it is very heartwarming that you're worried about the chances of my dick getting stroked. I assure you that it will not diminish my ventures when, and if, I am in the mood."

"Such confidence. Okay, now you know I have to ask after a comment like that. How many women have you slept with?" _Did you really just ask that?_ Oh God, did she really want to know?

"We're about to have this conversation huh?" he answered casually but eyed her skeptically taking a long sip of his tea as a distraction.

"Why not. Enlighten me. Tell me how much of a stud you think you are. Give me a number." Kolyat scoffed from her taunting casual shrug as he took a moment before answering her.

"Probably a few more than you, I imagine." _Oh, so he's going to play the gentleman game. I can bait him just as easily._

"Hmmm, I wonder. I am Commander Shepard, you know. You could probably imagine the offers I get." Shepard flashed her teeth in mirth and laughed seeing his face darken knowing she had just caught him in her taunts.

"You've been with a woman?"

"Perhaps one or two."

"Yeah? How was that?" He smirked knowing he was probably already coming up with a thousand elaborate pictures in his brain featuring her.

"A lady never kisses and tells." She shrug nonchalantly grinning back. "Haven't you ever been with a man?"

"No."

"Really?" She blinked honestly surprised from his straight forward response. "But it's common for your species. Haven't you ever been curious?"

He shifted in his seat as he looked away. The inner flicker of his eyelids allowed her to know that he was uncomfortable with the question. Her smile faltered on her lips as she noticed the solemn look in his eyes. Why did she suddenly have a feeling that he didn't really speak about his personal life too often to anyone.

"Perhaps." He finally admitted meeting her eyes again before continuing.

"Drell males are more likely to take a male lover it is true, but I never found myself in that situation. I…also didn't have many friends, or go to social gatherings, and the few that I did have, I ended up losing before I left Kahje. It…took me a long time before I was able to start making friends here. I didn't plan on staying at first so I didn't bother looking for anyone."

She remembered that from the first night they had run into each other at the C-Sec Ball. He had admitted that he had planned on fleeing the Citadel as soon as his sentence was up but then something had changed. Something had made him start to enjoy what he did, enough to make him alter his plans and stay with C-Sec.

"Do you regret it? Leaving Kahje?"

"No…I wouldn't be having lunch with the Legendary Commander Shepard, now would I?" The sincerity in his eyes made her swallow roughly.

"I got the job done and I survived. I'm really not that great outside the stories and wild tales that are told about me."

"I assure you, there is more to your allure than that." She met his eyes, the endless darkness of them making her lose herself for a moment unable to break free. Something dark and smoldering flashed across his face for a brief second before quickly disappearing behind a stoic gaze. She fought a mental moan recognizing the heat in the way he just looked at her before he glanced away with the arrival of their food.

After they started eating she suddenly thought about his dodging attempts at not answering her previous question. She didn't like the look on his face right now and decided to joke with him again and lighten the mood. Another flash made her sigh and close her eyes. _These fucking people and their pictures._

"Are you sure you don't want me to confiscate their omnitools? I can shove my badge in their face and throw them in the Presidium Lake." His comment made her laugh softly.

"Thanks but no. Just please assure me that I don't have any food on my face or that anything is stuck in my teeth."

"No your good. You look beautiful today."

"So…" She grinned from his comment trying to ignore the hitch in her heartbeat from his simple words.

"Let me think a moment. You've been on the citadel for almost two and a half years, so that's about 800 days or so. Let's say on a good week you would bed at least two or three women."

"Gods are you still on that?" He grumbled looking away heatedly taking a sip of his tea.

"So maybe about two hundred and fifty women?" She taunted a little loudly. Kolyat spit his tea back into his cup in alarm looking around nervously before meeting her teasing eyes and tone.

"You cannot possibly believe that I have slept with that many."

"I don't know Kolyat…You probably just raise an eyeridge and the panties drop." He shook his head and snorted in distaste.

"You think too highly of my skills. It takes a little more than that I assure you."

"Have to wine and dine them first? Have them…stroke your ego a little." She raised an eyebrow challengingly unsure why she was speaking to him this way. She just wasn't able to control her mouth around him. Maybe there was something about the Krios men that made her want to push them.

"Or other things…Since you're so eager to know about my personal life, why don't you answer one for me? How many men have you slept with?"

"Are we including one night stands?"

"Of course."

She sat back in her chair thoughtfully trying to remember all of her sexcapades, all the wild nights on shore leave where she just wanted to get laid. One night stands and midnight hidden randevue's at military camp. She thought about her boyfriend whom she started to fall in love with, who died on their first mission. She thought about Kaiden and then her few wild nights after he turned his back on her. She was so drunk she couldn't even remember their names. Her last major lover had been Thane and nothing since then.

"You are taking way too long to answer that question. Do I even _**want**_ to know the answer?"

"Seriously…I don't think I remember all of them." She laughed loudly then and snorted trying to lower her voice covering her mouth.

"Why am I laughing? That's not even funny! That's a serious concern!" She snorted again and laughed harder making Kolyat chuckle with her.

"At least you have perfect recall…actually I don't think I would want to remember half of them, some of them were pretty bad. I remember that much at least."

"Perfect recall is not always a gift."

"Thane said the same thing once." Her laughs slowly subsided as she thought about some of her times with him, and she watched as Kolyat's own snickers quieted as he observed her.

"I…" Kolyat started but then looked away hesitantly. She smiled softly already knowing where Kolyat's thoughts were. She was waiting for the moment he would start asking about their relationship. She knew from Thane that most of their time together had been spent in silence. Both of them trying, but never really opening up to one another. It was the sad and awful truth with things that sometimes you didn't really start to know someone, until after they had passed from this plane.

"It's okay Kolyat. Ask me whatever you want." She urged serenely waiting patiently for him to find his voice.

"Just one question."

"Only one?"

"For now." He blinked slowly, his eyes narrowing in curiosity. She nodded to let him know she was ready for his inquiry.

"What drew you to him?"

Shepard grinned widely and crossed her arms over her chest as she thought about what she wanted to say. She thought about some of her times with Thane. Conversations and moments shared. The first time she saw him. The first time she glimpsed into his soul. How the many aspects of him unfurled for her to discover and now treasure as beautiful memories forever frozen in her mind. The good and the bad. She looked at Kolyat but her eyes were not focused on him as she gazed unseeingly to moments in the past.

"He…made me feel…alive…but it wasn't just that. He was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen."

"So he was attractive to you? You liked him for his looks?"

"Nothing so superficial I assure you. He was…like nothing I could compare it to. He was beautiful in the way he moved…the way he killed…the way he viewed existence. The first time I saw him…he had killed three mercenaries and his target, all in the span of a heartbeat. I never thought anyone could move so fast and gracefully. When I finally got a chance to speak with him privately…all I started wondering was, when I could see him again. When I could learn more about him."

"You speak about what he did and who he was so comfortably."

"You mean his upbringing because of the compact?" Kolyat nodded solemnly. Shepard blinked slowly as she studied him, wondering exactly what kinds of thoughts were going through his mind. Thane told her that he never spoke to Kolyat about his life before he joined the Normandy. Only briefly speaking about Irikah sometimes, not wishing to dwell on the past. _This is why I invited him today. I wanted to show him more of Thane._

"Kolyat…" She said softly bringing his attention back towards her. The blue in his eyes flashing for a moment catching her breath. _Does he know how beautiful he is too?_

"There is something I would like to show you. Something you need to see. Are you finished eating?" He nodded and she flagged the waiter over and waved her omnitool over the digital bill just as Kolyat's omnitool pinged with a message.

"I would have paid for lunch." Kolyat said as he read over the message and closed out the interface meeting her gaze.

"Don't be ridiculous. I was the one who invited you out. Are you ready to go?"

"Taran just sent me a message. He said my jacket is ready to be picked up. Would you mind making a detour first?"

"Not at all. You wanted to ask to borrow a suit anyway for the Unveiling, right? Besides, I don't care if he's your best friend, I'm a little pissed that he played me a little." Kolyat laughed deeply and nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, it's a bad habit of his, but at least you got me something I liked."

Shepard snickered at Kolyat as they both rose and began making their way out of the café. It wasn't until they approached the last few tables that an older woman, perhaps in her sixties with blondish white hair and a soft delicate face, suddenly stared up at her in awe and gasped in surprise. Lowering her voice she waved politely to gain her attention and Shepard slowed courteously and smiled at her patiently waiting for her to speak.

"Excuse me, by any chance are you Commander Shepard?"

"Are you about to ask for my autograph?" She grinned trying her best to keep the conversation just between the two of them, although she knew it never really was when she was in public. She already noticed a few more individuals starting to glance in her direction. She felt Kolyat's hand gently brush her side bringing her attention towards him curiously, but his eyes were not focused on her, but glancing around to assess the people in their vicinity.

"I heard someone just call a journalist." Kolyat murmured his eyes still scanning the crowd.

"Can I have a picture with the two of us for my grandson? He looks up to you so much. He's joining the Alliance next year, he believes in you so passionately."

Shepard smiled gently and nodded taking a seat next to the woman who brought up her omnitool program to snap the shot. She told her to take one more for good measure before putting her signature and her grandsons name on the program wishing him luck in the Alliance. The woman was overjoyed as tears creased the corners of her eyes as she thanked her profusely.

"Thank you so much. I apologize for interrupting your date."

"No apology, always time to support those who are willing to dedicate their lives to the cause, and he's my bodyguard not my boyfriend."

"Oh? Is he single? I have a granddaughter-"

"Shepard, we have to go." Kolyat snapped forcing her attention to him as he tilted his head to the side towards a man who came into the café. _Shit, maybe they should have met somewhere more privately._ She waved goodbye to the woman and left with Kolyat following closely behind her as they moved quickly through the streets until they settled into a hidden alcove for a few moments in silence.

"Does that happen to you often?" He asked glancing out from behind the wall of the building to scan the area. She leaned against the wall letting him handle things patiently. At least she got a general idea that he could definitely do his job.

"A little more than I would like…wait until we go to the Unveiling. They're like vultures."

"What's that?"

"A vulture? It's a bird from earth. They can sense weakness and circle their prey, waiting for the perfect moment to feed. Another analogy would be like sharks smelling blood in the water." Kolyat glanced at her and grinned.

"I heard someone in my training class refer to one of the instructors like that…I understand the analogy better now."

"Always happy to help." She grinned waiting until he gave her the all clear and they were able to make their way to Drala'fa without incident.

She glanced in the window as they approached, noticing the Viper still on display already feeling her mouth begin to salivate at that giant sleek and sexy piece of machinery that was just begging to be bought. She heard the smooth chimes go off as they entered noticing the Drell they came to see almost immediately near the far left of the store. His friendly silver eyes moving towards the doorway to greet whoever arrived. A huge grin spreading across his lips when he saw Kolyat.

"I like your new outfit." Taran said mischievously towards him from behind an empty glass display case. A large metal box on the ground beside him most likely with the contents that were about to be stocked.

"Yeah, I'm sure you do." Kolyat said frowning as they approached the grey scaled Drell. His vibrant eyes widening in surprise when he saw her, but then smiled happily as his gaze switched from her to Kolyat and then back to her.

"Ms. Shepard such a nice surprise, I didn't know you knew Kolyat." His grin widening completely across his face. She could tell he already knew that she regarded his comment as complete bullshit.

"Nice try. You know you could have just told me you knew who I was buying the clothes for." Shepard retorted crossing her arms in front of her chest in disapproval but making sure to keep her voice light and friendly.

"And ruin the look on his face when he realized? Tell me, was he angry? Surprised? Grateful at least? He can be hard to handle at times but I assure you he has potential." Taran chided walking around the case to meet them, eyeing Kolyat from head to foot admiring the outfit almost critically as Kolyat let out a disapproving hum.

"I knew they would fit, and the vest certainly brings out the color of his eyes. Wouldn't you say so Ms. Shepard?" Taran smirked making her blink for a moment caught off guard. What the hell was he insinuating?

"Enough taunting. We came because I got your message." Kolyat growled at his friend.

"Ah, yes…and the two of you just happened to be together? Interesting."

"It's not like that. We were having lunch to discuss an upcoming event."

"Kolyat will be accompanying me to the Unveiling next week." Shepard helped reply.

"A date?" Taran's eyes sparkled happily. _What the hell is with this guy? Is he trying to hook us up?_

"My bodyguard." Shepard said seriously now, her tone and stance making the other Drell sober immediately glancing at Kolyat solemnly seeing how neither of them were giving in to his antics.

"I need to borrow a suit." Kolyat said matching her tone making Taran stare at them both thoughtfully now before answering seriously.

"Kolyat…I don't think one of my suits will fit you. Besides the coloring will not match your scale tone and I think you will need something a little bigger for your holster. All of mine are lean cut. If you're going to be Ms. Shepard's bodyguard you need to look the part. It's a formal event am I right? You'll be representing the Human Alliance I hear. You will need Kolyat to look his best."

"Then I'll buy one for him. Do you have any here? Or can you recommend a place?"

"You don't have to buy me a suit Shepard." Kolyat protested immediately. _Of course he is._ She was actually getting a little tired of the money argument.

"Of course I do and I'm not going to argue about this, consider me your employer and I'm buying you your uniform. You're going to be putting your life on the line for me. The least I can do is make you look good when you do it."

"I don't know what you're talking about. I always look good."

"Love that modesty." She grinned as they both shared a look and then glanced away from one another. A soft smile came across Taran's lips again as he watched them before turning towards his counter.

"Suits are not my specialty, but I have a contact for someone who outfitted my wedding. His name is Jovan and he's really good. I'll send him a message to see if he is available right now." Taran reached beneath his counter and pulled out a bag, pushing it towards Kolyat upon the counter. As Kolyat started taking his jacket out Taran brought up his omnitool and started the message.

"Did I totally ruin it?" Shepard smirked making Kolyat frown as he unfolded the blue leathers to inspect the shoulder and sleeve.

"Not as much as I think you would have liked." He glared but couldn't stop the slight smile from forming over his lips which made her purse hers in fake upset.

"I'll just have to try harder next time."

"You make it sound like a promise." His voice turned ominous as he reached into his inner jacket pocket to grab a credit chit. Shepard stepping in front of him quickly and handed Taran hers which made the grey Drell blink in surprise.

"Taran, don't take her money." Kolyat growled grabbing her wrist to pull her away from the counter. Shepard spun around on reflex grabbing her gun from beneath her blouse shoving it against the Drells chest, making sure to keep it hidden between them. The store was empty for the moment but the last thing she needed was to give someone entering the wrong impression that she was robbing the place. She pushed herself against Kolyat easily, her hands sliding up the smooth cool leathers and around the back of his neck. The heat from his scales comforting against her fingertips.

She felt his whole body stiffen beneath her touch as she tapped his upper chest lightly with the barrel, smiling up at him as innocently as possible. She didn't care that he was a head taller than her, she was not about to back down from him. She needed to make sure to stop this reoccurring argument once and for all if they were going to continue to spend time with one another. _So you plan on it?_ Wasn't she just a contradictory mess? _And by the way self, you're seriously touching him._

"We're not really about to turn this into an argument are we? Why don't you just do us both the favor and just follow my lead from now on. If you can't do that simple thing Kolyat, than…" The sound of a sink loading into the chamber of her gun was the only sound between them.

She saw him swallow roughly, the ribbing on his throat vibrating to letting out a subharmonic that she couldn't hear. His eyes met hers slowly, heat and controlled anger staring at her behind cerulean pools. He was not too happy with her right now.

"I'm getting a little tired of your threats." He said seriously meeting her gaze in unwavering tenacity. She really had to hand it to him, not many people had the balls to talk to her like that.

"Do you always pull a gun on those who want to help you?" He murmured on the edge of anger.

"Only the important ones." She chided, slapping his cheek playfully making him turn his face to the side and growl again softly. She pulled away from him and holstered her gun hearing a gasp from Taran as he finally noticed the pistol but her attention was locked on Kolyat. He glanced at her quickly and then away, his irises now dilated and much brighter than they were a moment ago, indicating that he liked that slap a little more than he should have. _Shit._ She meant to tease him and lightly scold him, not turn him on. _You sure about that?_ She really needed to stop touching him.

"Let the woman pay if she insists. It would be a nice change from your past-"

"Shut up." Kolyat snapped at Taran warningly. The look on his face making the grey Drell quiet, a look passing between them, another subharmonic. Jesus, she hated their secret language, but knew she missed something in that conversation. She turned around and smiled brightly taking Kolyat's chit and handing it back to him staring at Taran eagerly who hesitantly swiped her card trying his best not to look at Kolyat. The beeping of his omnitool caught all of their attentions as he read it and then smiled widely.

"Jovan is available now. He said he would be delighted to help you."

"Great! Thank you so much and sorry for all the trouble." Shepard grinned in budding excitement at the prospect of suit shopping for Kolyat.

"No trouble at all. It's good to see you two getting along so amicably." Taran pursed his lips teasingly, handing her back her chit.

"We're trying. You ready to go?" She asked Kolyat saying her goodbyes to Taran as Kolyat glared at her in seething annoyance, picking up the plain black bag to follow quietly behind her. _At least he's learning now._

"Will I see you at Congregation tomorrow?" Taran called out to Kolyat as they started leaving. She could just imagine half the thoughts going through the other Drells head.

"If this female doesn't kill me first." Kolyat's comment making a deep chuckle erupt from the silver eyed Drell.

"Don't be so dramatic." She huffed waving one last time to make her way out of the store.

Shepard checked the contact information that Taran had given her and linked it into her omnitool pulling up the directions. After a short walk and a few turns they had already reached the store in record time. She looked around not seeing anyone but noticed a bright white suit with a silver tie and vest. Elbowing Kolyat playfully she tilted her chin to bring his attention towards it.

"There you go Kolyat, that's the suit I'm going to buy you, very first prom date." She giggled but Kolyat only sucked his teeth.

"I don't know what that is, but I refuse to wear that." His voice was still heated and he refused to look at her.

"Oh come on! I was joking. You can't stay mad at me forever, have fun with this. I promise I'll make you look hot."

"Will I expect the same thing from you?" He answered almost seductively. The heat in his stare making her pause unable to find her voice. _Where the hell did that come from?_

"Theirin its her!"

A soft male voice called out towards them breaking their gaze from one another to their oncoming company. A very attractive human approached them with a joyous look on his face. He was tall and skinny but not overwhelmingly so. Baby blue eyes and short spiked up blond hair. His features were a bit feminine but all Shepard could think of was model as he walked fluidly towards them. _Jesus, this man could walk a runway if he wanted to_. Another male approached closely with him. A multicolored Drell whose scales kind of reminded her of Feron's. His tall lean stature almost like Taran's.

"Your pictures do not do you any justice." The human male grabbed one of her hands in both of his gushing excitedly. _Did he just give off a tiny squeal? God damn his hands are soft._ "Can you believe it Theirin? Commander Shepard in our store!"

"It is quite an honor." The male Drell, who she now knew was named Theirin, answered and smiled brightly towards her as well.

"I'm Jovan. Taran sent me a message and asked if I would be able to assist you. A friend of Taran's is always welcome. Commander Shepard even more so!"

"Kolyat it is good to see you outside Congregation. I know we have never really had an opportunity to speak before now." Theirin said to Kolyat who gave him a polite bow of his head which Kolyat returned.

"It is nice to fully meet you and yours. It is an honor."

"Likewise. So, before Jovan becomes completely star struck we have a room prepared for you. Please follow us this way."

She let Theirin and Jovan move ahead of them. She already had her assumptions but she just wanted to make sure as she leaned into Kolyat to whisper to him. As if anticipating her question he leaned down towards her.

"Are those two…"

"Yes." I smelled Theirin's claim on Jovan immediately. They are also wearing bonded Hikari's."

"Okay, I just wanted to make sure my radar was still working." She smiled following the two men into a back room away from the rest of the store. When they were all in the oversized dressing room. Shepard took Kolyats bag as Jovan took her arm gently and guided her towards a big overstuffed pair of white sofa chairs guiding her to sit down.

"So, what is the occasion?" Theirin asked ushering Kolyat towards a small platform indicating for him to remove his jacket. She watched as both males widened their eyes in surprise as they saw Kolyat's holster and pistol. She could see the displeasure on Kolyat's face as she saw the judgement in Theirin's eyes immediately. What the fuck? She was about to make them eat their wrongful assumptions about him right away.

"Kolyat was chosen from a long list of applicants to be my bodyguard for the Alliance Unveiling next week. C-Sec is allowing me to borrow his talents and specialty abilities during this event and maybe for future ones. He needs a suit that is both comfortable but practical enough to hide concealed weapons and stylish enough for the event."

Kolyat's expression softened as he stared at her taking in her words before glancing at Theirin stoically. The other male's mouth now opened in complete awe. Theirin blinked and turned back to him in shock.

"You work for C-Sec?"

Kolyat just nodded and took his badge out of his back pocket to show it to Theirin before unlatching his holster. He grabbed his jacket from the other Drell and walking over to Shepard to hand everything to her, giving her a quick appreciative glance before turning to walk back towards the platform.

The two men worked quickly taking measurements and turns bringing in different suits ranging in color and cuts. He glanced at her periodically for her opinion as he would come from behind a curtain after he changed. The one he wore now looked good but she didn't like the shiny material or tie. She could see the outline of his Hikari beneath the fabric as he pulled on the material at his throat making it incredibly hard for her to stifle a giggle from his obvious discomfort.

"I'm glad you're getting pleasure out of this." He quipped turning in the mirror not happy with the suit either.

"Do you have anything more modern? I don't think a tie would work for him right now. He needs to be comfortable, perhaps open collar and vest? I also don't like the shine on this material and I don't want his Hikari to be hidden or uncomfortable beneath the fabric."

"I was thinking along the same lines." Jovan said thoughtfully looking at Theirin questioningly.

"What about the new Gargullo that we just got?" Jovan asked making Theirin nod in agreement.

"Let us go get it."

After the two men left them alone she heard Kolyat sigh loosening his tie as he walked towards her and sat upon the other white sofa chair. He rubbed the back of his neck and closed his eyes as if trying to ward off rising aggravation.

"You okay?" She asked in concern not exactly sure what was on his mind.

"Yeah…thank you for what you did."

"With Theirin before?"

"Everyone in Congregation avoided me when I first started, they still kind of do."

"Your personality did leave much to be desired." She said lightly giving him a grin to let him know that she didn't mean her comment seriously. He hummed in agreement.

"I know I was really hard to deal with. People just had this perception about me. That I was always involved in something illicit, even when I was trying to change. Taran was the only one who took the time out to speak with me and we became really good friends fast. His Hara also. I would do anything for the two of them."

"I'm glad that you have at least someone who you could turn to, but I want you to know that I'm also here if you need it."

"I will hold you to that. I hope you know the same goes for me."

She saw his earnest honesty, his genuine care that made her stomach tighten and her body heat in response. Just as she was about to say something the two men came back in, quickly ushering him back to the changing curtains handing him a black garment bag.

"I think this is the onnneeee~" Jovan sang clapping his hands several times in excitement making his Haru chuckle from his antics. After several moments Kolyat appeared and her breath caught in her throat. _Sweet baby Jesus._

The jacket was a two button matte, off black slender cut, which matched the perfect cut of the pants. The lapels by his collar down to the first button were short and close cropped towards the edges. The material looked incredibly soft and had enough coverage to hide his holster and guns either open or closed. He wore an open collar black shirt beneath, whose edges just peaked out under the dark royal blue vest that covered his torso. The silver Hikari laying against his chest perfectly. All the colors complementing each other flawlessly.

She heard both men make sounds of approval as Kolyat stared at his reflection, a vain grin spreading across his lips as his eyes met hers in the mirror. _Shit, did he just catch me ogle him?_ She blinked and snorted as he continued staring at her.

"You're so full of yourself." She remarked impishly.

"Tell me I don't look good then." He said challengingly making her just shake her head in denial. He went back into the dressing room to change into his regular clothes and came out holding the garment bag handing it to Theirin who took it grinning at him in agreement. She watched an exchange of subharmonics between the two before he came to her allowing her to hand him his badge and holster and then jacket when he was done.

"I think I have a problem now." She said seriously getting up from the chair as he grabbed the black bag from Drala'fa as they followed the two men out of the back room.

"What's that?" He asked in concern, noticing her mood change.

"I'm going to have to go shopping for a better dress tomorrow. There is no way you're going to look better than me at this event." Kolyat laughed loudly and snickered.

"I don't know…that might be really hard to pull off now. I looked really good in that suit." Their banter made Theirin turn around and eye them each in turn before nudging Jovan and smiling at him, both men sharing a look that she couldn't decipher.

"Ms. Shepard if you want, you can come back tomorrow and we will be more than happy to assist you with a dress for the Unveiling."

After she voiced her approval and made an appointment with them they rang them up, the price making Kolyat swallow roughly in alarm. She saw him get ready to say something but a disapproving look in her eyes made him hold his tongue as she paid for everything and they both thanked the two men before leaving. Once they were outside Shepard didn't say anything as she just ushered Kolyat to follow her.

He was quiet as he trailed closely beside her, hesitating only when he wasn't sure which direction to turn in when streets veered off or altered their path. Their walk took them deeper into the lower wards, right to the edge where the upper residential district started to alter into the slums of the lower class. She could see the questions start to surface, his lips doing that thinning out that she was starting to know meant that he was unsure and was thinking about what to say.

"We're almost there." She reassured him turning towards an abandoned building. She glanced around a moment to view her surroundings making sure no one was looking as she slipped into a side ally and turned two more times until they approached a dead end.

Kolyat raised his eyeridge at her questioningly but stayed silent as he watched her open up a program on her omnitool to punch a few buttons. The wall before them suddenly sliding open. Kolyats eyes widened in surprise as she motioned him forward into another small empty room, the lights coming on as soon as they entered. After she closed and locked the door behind her, she hit another few buttons and a tiny panel opened up upon the wall revealing a numbered key pad and fingerprint identifier. She heard Kolyat suck in a breath knowing that he noticed the Drell numbered buttons on the pad. After punching in the key code and placing her hand on the scanner the key pad closed and the door slid open into another hallway towards a plain brown door. Once they reached the door the one behind them closed and locked.

"This is what I wanted to show you." She said glancing at Kolyat smiling as she opened the door indicating for him to go in before her.

He was slow as he entered, but she let him take his time as the softly lighted elegant wooden hanging lights came on automatically. He looked around gradually, placing the bags upon the floor and walking into the main room carefully. Closing the door behind her she gave him a moment to take everything in.

The sitting room was warm and cozy, covered in wooden paneled walls. Two large black squared modern styled sofas and two dark brown side tables stood against the furthest walls. A small low squared coffee table of the same dark brown sat perfectly before them. The floors were covered with light tan tatami mats and small framed stenciled artworks of oceans from oriental origins covered the walls in a perfect rows of three.

Kolyat walked towards the left side of the apartment, his gaze going to the small wooden alter and incense holders to the neat stack of thick pillows upon the floor near a tall filled bookcase. His fingers ran over some of the bindings of the books, most were in the Drell language, but she knew Descartes, Aristotle and Thomas Hobbs _Leviathan_ were within the collection.

His eyes moved through the rest of the room towards the kitchen opening which was separated by an obsidian marbled bar counter with two high backed wooden bar stools before it. He moved closer to glance into the fully equipped kitchen eying the stove and cooling unit.

"The bedroom is here." She said motioning for him to follow. Moving down a short hallway to a door on the right, she opened it and stepping out of the way. Kolyat walked past her to look around, staring at the tidy black and dark grey comforters upon a queen sized bed. Three more book shelves took up the back wall near a dark brown wooden table and chair set. A small empty closet was on the furthest end. His expression was blank and she was really starting to wonder exactly what was going through his mind in this moment.

"The bathroom is over here and theirs still one more room I need to show you."

Shepard turned from the doorway and went a little further down the hall opening another door to show off the bathroom and kept walking to the last door on the right. She glanced at Kolyat who was peering into the bathroom now, which she knew was also lined with wooden cabinets and black marble countertops with matching tiles in the shower and upon the floors. His face was still unreadable as he followed her to the last door and waited patiently for her to enter another key code and finger print identifier for it to open. She held out her hand and indicated for him to go in before her once again.

She heard Kolyat's sharp intake of breath as the lights came on automatically to reveal lighted rack upon rack of polished pistols, sniper rifles and specialty modified guns. His eyes continuing to take everything in, from the specialty holsters to the cases of multiple ammo clips and weapon modifications. There was even a large display case with different shaped knives and darts. He circled the room gradually until his eyes finally met hers.

"I'll register your fingerprints and I'll give you all the security codes for the doors. If you want I can remove mine. You can keep this room locked and leave the stuff here or you can clear it out if you want. There's an extra cot also…" She walked to a small door that opened to a closet. The shelves were stocked with medical supplies in all varieties and the bottom had a small rolled up bed cot.

"We can move the cot into the bedroom. Tomorrow I can get the fridge and cabinets stocked and pick up some clothes and activities for Claire and the kids. I would recommend for them to stay here and not leave until Feron finishes the ID's for them and we can secure safe passage for them off the Citadel. Trust me when I tell you, not even a rocket launcher at close range will get through those first doors and it's almost impossible to hack. After…well…it's yours."

She saw his inner eyelids close twice in uncertainty, his lips thinning out for a moment as he processed her words turning back towards one of the racks to run his hand over one of the pistols upon the shelves. He picked it up gingerly, testing the weight of it in his hand before checking the empty chamber. Flexing his fingers over the grip as he stared down the sight and examined the barrel.

"This was my fathers?" His voice was almost hoarse as he swallowed roughly. She could see he was battling his emotions in this moment.

"Yeah…the book choices are definitely not mine. There's an extensive library of philosophers and spirituality books from all across the galaxy. All the guns and knives are also specialty made for only Drell handling."

"How many places like this did he have?"

"This was his main safe house on the Citadel. He has two other's here as well. Those are mostly just weapon caches and a few medical supplies with tiny cots. He also had two on Illium and two on Omega. I haven't had a chance to visit those yet. So I'm not exactly sure what's there, he just gave me the location and passcodes."

Kolyat looked at her and blinked slowly before he glanced away and tested the weight of the gun in his hand once more. She knew what she was showing him, and saying, was a lot to take in. She also knew that she was the only one that Thane shared himself with fully, but she also felt that now was the right time for Kolyat to start knowing him, and the legacy he had left behind.

"This was a part of Thane's life...I just felt like it was the right time to show you more of the type of man he was. Even though we both knew him and our roles were different…I have a feeling that in his entire life…I was the only one who really knew him…I didn't like that…" She shook her head not wishing to finish her sentence. She didn't want to seem like she was stepping out of place. This was his father after all, despite what Thane and her had shared.

"What? What didn't you like? I wish to know your thoughts." His voice was sincere and open. He truly want to hear what she was holding back. _He's ready for this._

"I didn't like that he kept this side of himself hidden from you, but truthfully I know why. You weren't ready at the time, but you are now."

"I know." He agreed nodding solemnly. "It's true, I wasn't. I was young and inexperienced. The first time I learned about him…I wanted to be him. I thought it might have made me understand why he would rather do his job, then be with me and my mother."

"He had to, you know that right? If he had any other choice-"

"I know…It was just an excuse I had…I understand that now…it's just… _hushed voices from beyond the door, an angry yell cut off by a muffled sound. I rise from bed slowly, footsteps silent, peeking from the small opening. His lips are on hers, his fingers grasping around her upper arms tightly. Tears stream down her face as he pulls away, his eyes are cruel. 'You knew this was all I was capable of when we married. I grow tired of this argument. This is how you and Kolyat eat.' 'I know, but I don't like it, and you are never here. I cannot teach him how to be a man.' He glances away, not pain, acquiescent understanding. 'Take another Haru. I consent to it. I will supply the income for the four of us. Just make sure he is what Kolyat needs. Someone to make you happy while I am not here…and even when I am.'_

Shepard listened to the memory quietly. Thane told her that Irikah was the first woman he had ever fallen in love with, but he did have other lovers, fellow males in the Guild he was trained in. The fact that he was willing to share Irikah with another male and have another join the relationship was a strength onto itself. He never told her that he consented to have Irikah take another Haru. He really did love Kolyat, and he was trying to make them happy, the best way he knew. He would supply the money and do his job, and another male would take care of the household.

"That's the last memory I have of my father before my mother-"

"Hey…" She spoke quietly, quickly trying to cut him off from slipping into another memory. His face already haunted with the ghosts of the past. She touched his cheek gently to guide his face towards hers. His deep blue irises catching the light as his gaze locked on hers. The beautiful cerulean pools making her think about the deep oceans of Earth. Profound emotions swirled within their depths as his eyes searched her own without inhibition.

"Don't think about that…think about this moment filled with new clarity and understanding. I really wanted to share this with you. I wanted you to understand how different you are now. How much you've grown and flourished from when you first arrived. How ready you are for the future."

Shepard could feel her heartbeat in her ears as she realized how intimately she just touched him. Her chest tightening as she watched his expression change in intensity. Slowly she reached for the gun in his hands, slipping it from his grasp without protest, to allow her to place it back upon the rack. Her hands touched the edges of his leathers, her fingers grazing over the smooth fabric to open it. She thought he might question her or protest, but the only sounds were the soft whisper of fabric as he closed his eyes and she moved behind him to gently guide it off his shoulders and down his arms placing it over the chair beside them.

Her chest grew tight as she touched him, knowing that she told herself she wouldn't, but as her hands lingered on his back, she couldn't stop the pull she felt, compelling her to continue like some unknown force. She could feel the tight muscles of his back, the hidden strength concealed beneath warm scales. All that unleashed power waiting right below her fingertips as she traced a path over his torso until the stopped at the C-Sec holster at his side. Nimbly she unlatched it, guiding the leather and heavy weight of the pistol down his arms to drape it over his jacket upon the chair.

She could feel his gaze on her like a second skin as she moved away towards the furthest weapon rack. It took everything in her to regulate her breathing forcing her heartbeat not to drown out everything else in existence. Why did it feel so natural to touch him? Why wasn't he telling her to stop? _Because you see how he looks at you. The same way you're starting to look at him._

Shepard took one of the black leather holsters bringing it back to him and slid it up and over his shoulders moving to stand back before him. He helped her adjust it, his smooth scaled fingers lightly brushing against hers periodically as they adjusted the straps and buckles until it fit perfectly against him. Grabbing the gun back from the rack she handed it to him and one of the ammo clips, watching as he loaded the pistol and clicking the safety into place before holstering it. She smiled softly admiring the quality, before picking up a few of the smaller throwing knives. Sheathing them within the slits that were specially modified for this particular holster, her hands lingered over the hard muscles of his chest noticing how well the leathers conformed to him.

"It suits you." She said, knowing her voice was a little too breathy. Her fingers brushing against the leather of the holster admiring the perfect fit against his body.

"You should take one more pistol that feels comfortable and another dagger for your waist, you can still hide the C-Sec gun-"

Suddenly she felt Kolyat's hands touching her elbows, the feel of his skin on hers, silencing her as she brought her eyes up to his. His fingers were at her cheek, caressing her gently as they curved beneath her jaw, his thumb painting a trail down the center of her lips until he touched her chin and guided her face upwards. His hands were light and full of warmth. His eyes scorching and endless, beckoning. Like the dark abyss of the devil who sang to you with the voice of an angel to jump within the darkness. The heat of his body came off of him in waves, a raging inferno licking across her skin. If Hell was this beautiful, oh God, how she wanted to sin.

"Am I following your lead?" He whispered as he slowly closed his eyes and she felt a ghost of his breath across her lips, a musky exotic spice that overwhelmed her senses. _Jesus Christ, how good he smells._

She had trouble comprehending, her whole body unable to move and her voice suddenly incapable to be found. She was paralyzed in this moment. Frozen in place by the heat of his hands, his whole aura around her. She felt the barest of touches upon her mouth and knew every pore screamed to taste him again. A wave of desire ran through her as she tried her hardest to fight against it, knowing she should push him away. All that escaped was a quiet whimper as his lips trailed over hers in silent promise. She hitched her breath to voice her denial but gasped subconsciously, her body betraying her as he snaked his free hand at the lower dip of her back and pulled her against him claiming her mouth as his.

The kiss was tender and soft, his lips moving against hers coaxingly, beckoning her to respond. Without thinking she kissed him back, a subtle movement of lips and warmth, until he increased the pressure making her breath hitch, her mouth opening slightly, granting the exquisite taste of his tongue to brush against hers longingly.

' _Would you have chosen differently?'_ Thane's voice suddenly sounded in her mind.

The pain in her chest was enough to knock her breathless as it finally dawned on her what was happening. _He's just trying to connect with his father. He views himself as a replacement. He doesn't see you as anything else._ The harshness from the truth of her thoughts hit her hard as she turned her face away in regret and pushed at his chest gently indicating for him to release her from his hold. _This can't happen between us._

Kolyat stopped but didn't move at first. She could feel his whole body stiffen as he slowly opened his eyes and released her almost regrettably. His gaze was neither angry nor condescending as he moved back, only the quick double blink of his inner eyelids indicated his embarrassment. She could see the gentle ripple of his throat ribbing, indicating a subharmonic sound, but unfortunately she was unable to hear it. Gently she touched his large hand, cupping it in between hers and guided it from her face to fall between them. She gave him the best reassuring smile she could muster, trying to ease the tension between them.

"Sorry, I know you couldn't help yourself. You're really good at reading the right moments, no wonder you're such a hit with the ladies." She tried to joke but she saw the anger flash in his eyes from her words as he searched her gaze.

 _Oh shit, don't tell me he was serious._

"Sarah-" He started, but she couldn't bring herself to let him finish.

"This holster will definitely fit properly beneath the suit. I would take some extra ammo clips also. I want to make sure you're prepared for anything."

"Sarah-" he tried again, but she stepped away and cut him off with a heated look.

"I don't want to discuss what just happened Kolyat. If you feel uncomfortable now than I will find someone else to be my bodyguard for the Unveiling." Kolyat's eyes hardened and he stood up straighter as he watched her whole demeanor change.

"No, that will not be necessary. I gave you my word. I will be your arm Shepard. Whatever you need."

She nodded curtly noticing immediately how he no longer called her by her first name. How intimate it had sounded on his lips. _Whatever you need._ Why did that feel like it was an open ended comment? He moved past her and stopped in the doorway his eyes now meeting hers coldly and impassively. He bowed to her politely and professionally.

"Thank you for bringing me here. It means more to me than you might realize. I'll bring Claire and the kids here after we stock it tomorrow." Without another word he turned from her and made his way down the hall. She had fucked up…she had seriously fucked up, and the pain in her chest was now numbing.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Emily was one of the very few humans on the Citadel whom Kolyat thought was attractive. She was a petite little thing, with a soft feminine face and long, slightly curled, shiny, honey brown hair. Her skin was flawless and softly tanned, just a few shades darker than Shepard's pale coloring. Her large bright colored eyes looked like liquid amber or some kind of brown gemstone. She had long legs and a tiny waist, luscious hips and perfect large breasts that were always constrained beneath her tight white T-Shirt. A large cupcake topped with two connected cherries upon it. The words 'Have you tasted the Forbidden Fruit?' etched around it, above tight thigh length, black biker shorts, bare legs and black sneakers. Her usual work ensemble.

She smiled and waved as she saw him take a seat at his usual little table by the back corner. Forbidden Fruit was a popular hangout for college students and business workers in the Presidium and Kolyat would often go there on his breaks when he was on patrol. It was a decent sized coffee and pastry shop. He knew she had just finished an expansion when the store next door went out of business. Hiring contractors to knock down the adjoining wall she was able to expand her seating area and bring in more revenue. She was young, maybe a little older than Kolyat, and she was doing extremely well for herself. Kolyat did not entirely care for sweet foods or cakes, but the ones he did try from her, were the best he had ever had.

"How's it going Kolyat?" Her soft voice asked him, eyes sparkling kindly as she looked down at him placing his Soryu Tea down on the table. He liked the fact that he never even had to order when he was here. All the girls automatically knew to bring him a Soryu. Sometimes he would eat but they would always get his tea first.

"Good." It was a complete lie, his brain was a fucking mess right now. "How is everything?"

Emily quirked a perfectly shaped thin eyebrow at him, her eyes running over him in interest, before she clicked her tongue and sat down in the chair across from him.

"Okay, what's the matter?" She asked softly, her voiced filled with concern and genuine care.

"Nothing is wrong." Kolyat said easily blinking at her slowly to give her a small smile. She only laughed and crossed her arms over her chest returning his grin.

"You're such a liar." _She can tell?_ He mused in interest watching as she waved at an Asari patron who tapped her shoulder as they passed by. He liked that about her, how nice and kind she was and she smelled really good. Like rain and oceans, although most of the time it was stifled by the sugar and dough when she was baking.

"Why do you think something is wrong?"

"Because, you've been coming in here for almost two years and you never give me anything but a wide smile, a lecherous grin or a perverted joke. So something is up."

Kolyat looked down from her logical observation. His mind wandering to the happenings of yesterday and this morning with Shepard. Yesterday everything had been going good. He was genuinely having a great time, more so than any female he had ever spent time with before. Even when she shoved her gun into his chest and then playfully slapped him, making her touch feel like a sexual promise. When she had brought him to his father's safe house, he had almost come undone. She had no idea how much that had meant to him, her words of encouragement, her belief and trust in him. No one had ever cared enough to say such things to him. No one had tried to ever fully understand. He couldn't focus on anything but what he was starting to feel for the woman who stood before him in that moment. He had kissed her, he thought he had read it right and he wanted to show her without words, what it meant to care about something…and she had only teased him instead.

 _'You're really good at reading the right moments, no wonder you're such a hit with the ladies'._ She had no idea how much those words had hurt him. The pain he felt when she was quick to discard him and push him away saying that she could easily find another. He couldn't breathe in that moment. Did she really think that he was just trying to use her? That she meant nothing to him? _Of course she did. You've been nothing but your own male version of a slut since you've been on the Citadel._

"So is it job troubles, or girl troubles? Have you decided to find yourself an actual girlfriend yet?"

"Why? Are you interested in applying for the position?" he tried to joke but his attempt came out as a half-hearted quip. He watched Emily's smile begin to falter.

"Something tells me I wouldn't be able to handle you." He knew she was trying to cheer him up but her comment actually hurt even more. Didn't humans have a saying, ' _you make the bed you lay in'?_

"Yeah…I give off that impression." He looked away from her as he picked up his tea and took a sip, taking a moment to just enjoy the aromatic taste and heat of it on his tongue.

"I see what's wrong." Emily said seriously lowering her voice as her molten brown eyes turned serious as she evaluated his behavior and words.

"It's job troubles. I'm worried about my upcoming exam." He lied again taking another sip of his tea. Emily licked her lips thoughtfully and leaned closer towards him, resting her hands upon the table before her.

"You finally found a girl you liked and your reputation is proceeding you." It wasn't a question, it was stated observational fact. Kolyat froze his movements in surprise from what she said. There was no way he was that fucking transparent.

"I know I'm right." She said sternly. Kolyat met her eyes and blinked deliberately, frowning in displeasure as he placed his cup back down upon the saucer beneath it.

"I know you probably don't want any advice but-"

"You're right I don't." He said nastily but then sighed when he heard her sharp intake of breath. He looked away in shame. _You really are a bastard._ Emily was one of the very few people he actually liked. He didn't want to upset her like he regarded her as nothing too.

"My apologies. I just have a lot on my mind. I know you are trying to help. Please…what were you going to say?"

"Are you sure Kolyat? I won't say anything if you don't want to hear it, but I want you to know that this conversation never leaves us. Think of it as client privacy…I could be the pastry version of a bartender." She smiled sweetly. Her soft attractive face bright and full of life. He suddenly wondered why he had never seen her with anyone. She never spoke to him about any significant other. Was she even single?

"I am curious now, tell me what you were going to say." Emily licked her lips again and leaned in a little closer glancing around to make sure no one was paying attention. He was actually a little appreciative now for what she was doing.

"Sex is one thing, it can be quick, easy, it can be rough…sometimes forced. You don't even have to feel anything to fuck somebody. You don't notice how much it means until you actually find that person that your body responds too, like you never thought possible. You have to be careful though…things are easier when your emotions don't blind you." Her gaze was far away a moment as if she was thinking back on a memory before she quickly blinked it away and focused back on him. _She was hurt badly in the past…_

"I'm not entirely sure what the situation is and I'm not asking for you to tell me, but step away for a minute and don't force it if you really care. Let it happen naturally. Give yourself a moment to know them, let them know you. It's hard to open up to somebody, trust me I know firsthand. Don't rush it. If you do, you'll regret it and it will just be that much more painful."

Kolyat listened to her words truly understanding what she was saying. He had tried to rush it with Shepard, and by doing so he had given her the wrong idea. He was even a prick to her this morning when they had met up. When he had arrived at the station after Congregation, Bailey had dismissed him under a 'special assignment'. He knew it just meant that Shepard had notified him with happenings of his family and the Unveiling.

He had ignored her mostly through the morning. Dodged every attempt at jokes, staying professional and courteous as she spoke and answered as they bought a few necessities for the safe house. Even after they had met up with Claire and the kids, notifying them to leave everything behind and just follow them, he didn't really speak to her. The family was so excited that there father was friends with Commander Shepard, that they didn't even question them. It eased the children to know that their hero had come to help them upon their father's behest who was still working hard in his absence. He had seen new bruises on Claire's neck and face. It took everything in him to swallow down the rage as Shepard and he shared a synched look in the moment for the anticipated payback to the assholes that tried to hurt and kill Bailey's niece.

The rest of the day though he had forced himself to view her presence as nothing more than a job, although he had caught her a few times staring at him when she thought he wasn't looking. A deep etched look of sadness in her eyes, filling his chest with the pain of uncertainty. It didn't matter though if his behavior had made her feel guilt. Actually, he had hoped he had made her feel bad. Hoped she got on her fucking knees and begged him as she apologized. No…she wouldn't do that. _You just want to see her on her knees. How fucking hot would that be?_ Kolyat shook slightly from the intensity of his thoughts. Thinking about how she would look staring up at him from the ground. Green eyes shining with desire, lips parted in a moan, hands running over her neck as she bared it for him.

"I need a drink." He said seriously making Emily smile and nod, standing from her seat.

"I'll get you another tea."

"No." He answered darkly stopping her from walking away. "Not that kind of drink."

Kolyat rose and swiped his omnitool to hers paying for his tea and tipping her before he smoothed down his black leather jacket and let out a jagged heavy breath. He saw the concern blanket her face as she bit her bottom lip in worry. He could see she was fighting the urge to say too many things to him. Emily always wore her heart on her sleeve.

"Just stay safe Kolyat." She smiled at him weakly as he nodded at her before leaving. He needed to lose himself for the moment, he needed to clear his mind. He needed to do what he knew best. He needed to get a hard drink…and he needed to get laid.

* * *

"So his name is Donovan Rogers." Narissa said grinning widely as she passed her desk. The violet skinned Asari smiling brightly handing her a data pad with information for her next client which was due in a few hours.

She had arrived at her office a little earlier than expected, originally thinking that she would spend more time with Kolyat. However, once Claire and the kids were situated with food, clothes, lots of new toys and even a few model ships to keep them busy, he had just plainly bowed to her, wished her luck with dress shopping and dismissed himself for the rest of the day.

She didn't say anything when he left, just watched him stiffly walk away from her as if he had just finished working a shift at C-Sec. The way he acted towards her now seemed as if he couldn't get away from her fast enough. _Well, you did accuse him of just wanting to use you for sex and then realized that it probably wasn't what he was thinking._ No…that couldn't be right. It really was what he was thinking. He read the moment and went for it knowing he shouldn't have. _At least you made it perfectly clear that he probably thinks he means nothing to you now._

Shepard's stomach knotted in discomfort. Fuck! Killing people was so much easier, missions, prerogatives, objectives. Get in and get out. She hated when she had to make moral choices, hated when feelings and friendships were involved. Someone always got hurt, someone always couldn't see the bigger picture and then someone would suffer. Usually her.

"So I'll set up your date for next week." Narissa spoke cutting her off from her thoughts. _Wait, what?_

"Date?" She asked in confusion until their previous conversation came flooding back to her. _Shit, she said she was going to set her up with someone._

"Is he tall, dark and handsome at least?" She tried to force a joke but tasted bile in her throat instead.

"Very sexy. I think you will approve immensely. He's actually an acquaintance of Gary's."

"No." She said automatically already picturing a million things she wouldn't like if he was friends with her other Secretary Gary.

"It's not like that. He's straight, very professional and courteous. You'll like him a lot. Trust me Shepard, I picked a good one."

 _Professional and courteous._ She had enough of professional and courteous from Kolyat this morning to last her a fucking life time. That's not what she needed right now. Shepard just nodded solemnly in agreement. She did say she would go on a date for her and she didn't want to go back on her word. Narissa made a sound in excitement and started typing rapidly over her keyboard.

"Great! I'll tell him you accepted and I'll set something up. You won't regret this." Not true, she was regretting it already. She notified Narissa that she did not want to be disturbed for the next few hours until her next client came and to clear her schedule for the rest of the night because she had an appointment to find a dress for the Unveiling. After Narisaa took down some notes she went into her office and locked the doors behind her.

Sitting upon her couch heavily she crossed one leg over the other and tried to clear her mind. She knew Kolyat and she needed some time to cool off before things would go back to being comfortable between them again. She had this nagging feeling that he was finally starting to open up to someone, and that not even Taran knew some of these things about him. It warmed her heart but it also made her scared. She wanted to be the one to be there for him if he needed someone. Although the thought made her heart ache in happiness, she was worried if it meant something else.

She hated how things had turned so quickly between them. _Temperamental asshole._ No…this was all because she stupidly led him on. All her touching and stolen glances that she knew he was returning, and then he kissed her, which she stupidly accepted. _Fuck, his mouth had felt so hot on hers,_ but then she cruelly pushed him away and said something fucked up. _You shouldn't have done that._ Wait a minute, yes she did! Why was she even thinking otherwise? What was she expecting would happen? He would fuck her on the floor of the weapon room and everything would be fine? _Hey Shepard thanks for the lay, she you at the Unveiling. I knew my father liked you for a reason._ Okay, now she was getting ridiculous, he wouldn't say that. _Maybe think it?_

Shepard made a loud noise in aggravation and rested her head back upon the couch to stare up at the ceiling. Maybe she did just need to get laid to calm herself down. She needed a real distraction. She had to stop thinking about Kolyat and how sexy he was. _'I'll let you take the lead and show me a few things. After…well, I'm sure you'll enjoy the ride'._ Another sexy Drell…

Looking up at the large screen on her wall she hit her scramblers and then reached out a call waiting patiently for it to connect. After the fourth indicator ended and started in on the fifth she was just about to disconnect but then suddenly Feron came on the screen before her. He glanced at her and moved his hands off screen most likely finishing up whatever he was working on.

"Sorry Shep, I was on a call with an agent."

"No problem. Take your time. Do you want to call me back?"

"No way. I always have time for you." He grinned, typing a few more moments before turning his attention completely on her giving her his usual devilish grin.

"Tough day?" He asked. His eyes running over her slowly from head to foot, probably noticing how tense she was. _Damn those analyzing Drell eyes._

"Are you alone?" She blurted her question, making him raise an eyeridge in curiosity.

"Yeah?" He drew the word out into a question. "I'm working in my room right now."

"Is your door locked?" She asked teasingly watching as his eyes shifted towards his door and then back to the screen in uncertainty.

"Yes? I'm confused. You know our calls are usually private."

"I just wanted to make sure Liara wasn't lurking behind you." She smiled reaching towards the first button of her dress. Feron chuckled and closed his eyes nodding in agreement.

"Yeah she's a lurker, sometimes she also…" His sentence trailed off, as he looked at her again, his face uncharacteristically serious just as her fingers unbutton the second clasp of her dress. He watched her silently and she grinned, slowly leaning forward to give him a perfect view of the tops of her breasts as she pulled back the material of her dress, one side at a time. He swallowed roughly, his throat doing an almost unnoticeable ripple when she licked her bottom lip suggestively.

"I'm guessing this means you've thought about our previous conversation?"

"Perhaps." She said huskily her fingers running over her neck as she tilted her head to the side and slightly back as if she was granting him access to her throat. She knew that simple gesture was extremely desirable to a Drell and would turn him on.

"Oh, hell yes." He breathed deeply leaning into the screen a little more eagerly. His throat releasing a soft till of excitement as he silently urged her on. She didn't want to disappoint him and she unfastened the third button revealing the edges of the black sheer material of her bra.

She liked the expression in his eyes, the hungry enjoyable look as she sighed in enjoyment running her fingers over her throat once more to pull the dress down baring her shoulder, elaborately showing him her throat again. Feron bit his bottom lip and brought the back of his fingers to his mouth as he rested his elbow on the table before him, trying to hide the wide grin that threatened to take over his face.

She blinked at him slowly giving him her best seductive gaze, leaning back against the couch, she uncrossed her legs leaning forward to make a show of grabbing the material of the dress at her knees. Gradually she bunched the material on her thighs, pooling the fabric between her legs as she spread them wider. Shepard leaned forward and rested her hands on the couch, the fabric gathered before her juncture hiding her underwear from his view. The movement made her cleavage squeeze together slightly and she released a fourth button to show the swell and valley between her breasts.

"You really want me to jerk off tonight, don't you?" He murmured darkly making her smile wider.

"Will you let me watch?"

"Fuck, Shepard."

"My underwear match the bra you know."

"Show me." His said. His voice low and deep on the verge of a guttural growl.

Shepard leaned back against the couch crossing one leg over the other and tilted her body to lean her hip towards the screen. Pulling up her dress at the side, she revealed the inch thick strap of the high cut thong she wore and the transparent black material.

"Fuuuucccck. The things I want to do to you." He breathed thickly in arousal, the gravely double tremor more pronounced as the slight swell of his throat ribbing become noticeable. His eyes were dilated now, the hazel color brighter as he stared at her in desire.

"When are you coming to the Citadel?"

"I should be there in a few days. Is it safe to say that I am going to see you?"

"Definitely." She smiled making a show of running her hand over her throat to cup the roundness of her breast, to the flat span of her stomach.

"Give me one more button." He asked, voice on the verge of begging.

"Are you even used to breasts?"

"I've been with a few Asari, I think they're really sexy, and they liked when I touched them."

"I think everyone has been with an Asari." Shepard quipped making Feron chuckle in agreement. Her fingers went to the fifth button which would allow her to open the dress and show off her bra completely to him. She unlatched it and looked at him through half lidded eyes, her voice low and heady.

"I'll like it when you touch them too."

She heard an instinctual growl of dominance erupt from his throat as she pulled back the material and revealed her undergarment to him, a small patch of black lace concealing her nipples. She pinched one between her fingers, gasping as the act of stripping for him, hearing him and teasing herself started to make her stomach tighten in her own budding desire. She could feel the need blooming between her legs.

Roughly she saw his head turn to the side and he released a loud curse. Taking a deep breath to calm himself he looked at her and yelled towards the door to give him one minute before glancing towards it again. He looked at her in lust before taking another deep breath, rubbing his face frantically with his fingerless leather gloves. He was trying desperately to get a hold of himself. Shepard laughed gently and fixed her dress, readjusting her buttons and slowly closing them up.

"Give me a few, I will call you right back." He said a little too harshly, closing the connection leaving her with a blank screen.

Shepard covered her mouth with her hand trying her best to stop the huge grin that was spreading across her face. She couldn't believe she just did that for Feron, but the thought of him coming to the Citadel actually made her kind of happy. She looked forward to seeing him again but now he was coming for another reason as well. _Just the distraction I need._ Maybe Feron would be able to give her what she needed. A good lay without complications, and by the way he responded to her, she was sure he was thinking along the same lines.

Just as she finished closing up her dress and readjusting her skirts Feron's call indicator came on again. Trying to control the rapid beat of her heart she crossed one leg over the other and connected, grinning at him as soon as he appeared.

"I'm a little disappointed you're not naked."

"I can't reveal everything before you get here. I need to leave a little bit for your imagination."

"You won't even believe half the things my imagination is going to come up with tonight." The green of his eyes were still more noticeable, indicating just how aroused the thought of her was still making him.

"Can I get your permission to be the focal point of mine tonight?"

"Oh, hell yes. But don't make me too good. It will be harder to keep up with your expectations when I get there."

"Maybe I'll just keep you on your knees for a little while. Or imagine what you will look like stroking yourself tonight while you think about me." She heard him growl again as he took a deep breath and stared up at the ceiling as if to calm himself down.

"Okay, we really need to stop. You have no idea how much I want to jump in a cruiser and get their right now." She chuckled deeply in understanding but not completely against the idea.

"So…did anything important interrupt us at least?"

"Kind of…I was supposed to update an agent who was waiting to move in on a target and they lost them…" Feron rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment making Shepard snort, releasing a loud laugh. Feron gently smiled as he watched her.

"Aw Feron, I'm so sorry. I didn't know."

"It's okay. The distraction was worth it."

"If Liara asks just blame it on me. Tell her I was…asking on a status update on the ID's or the bounty hunter that accepted the hit on me, or something…"

"Don't worry, I'll think of something good." He mused as they stared at each other in silence for a few moments, both of them trying to hide coy smiles and appraising glances.

"Hey…I'm sorry I can't be your date for the Unveiling." He said a little regrettably. _Shit, Kolyat and the Unveiling._

"Actually…Kolyat is going to go with me." Shepard said hesitantly looking away from him, suddenly feeling guilty. _Wait a minute, why do I feel guilty?_ They decided they were going to be friends with benefits, at least for now. There was no reason for her to feel guilty about anything. Besides, it's not like she was dating Kolyat. _He doesn't date._ Wait a minute…why did that thought suddenly occur to her before him being Thane's son? Why was she even thinking about this while she was talking to Feron!

"Kolyat…yeah?" The interest in his voice bringing her back to him.

"I…thought about what you said the other day. How a Drell would be a better protector. I was having lunch with Kolyat and…I kind of just asked him."

"It's good you're giving him the opportunity to guard you. It will help him with future assignments."

"Yeah…I think this will be good for him. We went suit shopping yesterday…he was so mad when I wouldn't let him pay for anything, but we got him a good one…I also brought him to Thane's main safe house. He was…touched." Shepard looked away and grinned as she remembered the look on Kolyat's face when she had pulled her gun on him and all the pissed of thoughts that were probably in his head as he followed behind her outside Drala'fa. She remembered his expression as he walked through the safe house. The deep emotions she knew he was feeling in that moment. Shepard's smile slowly faltered when she glanced up at Feron who was now staring at her with narrowed assessing eyes.

"Shepard…are you and Kolyat-"

"Don't even finish that question." She snapped, mentally reprimanding herself for giving him the wrong idea. _Of course you did, you let him kiss you!_

"You don't even know-"

"We're not Feron." She said sternly meeting his gaze heatedly watching as his lips thinned out into an unhappy line. He wasn't frowning, but he wasn't smiling either.

"Besides…I thought you were interested in me?"

"I'm interested, but we don't even know what this is yet. If you want to see others, I don't want to hold you back. At least not until we discuss it more…and Kolyat's very attractive." _There was no denying that. "_ Besides, it would be better for me to know if I have any competition to worry about."

"Kolyat and I-"

"I'm going to leave that alone for now, but that's not what I'm talking about."

"I don't-"

"Donovan Rogers."

"Who?" Her voice trailed off suddenly remembering Narissa's blind date.

"You _**hacked**_ Narissa's computer?" Feron rested his elbow upon the table and grinned placing the side of his face upon his half gloved fist.

"Are you really surprised about that? Hacked wouldn't even be the right word for it. I saw an open door…so I walked right in. You should have seen some of these males she was trying to find for you. Let's just say she actually picked a good one, but I didn't know you were that desperate for a date. Makes me wonder about your interest in me now." His voice held a hint of condescending accusation but she decided to let it go.

"I'm not desperate and don't say that. You know I care about you. I promised her I would let her set me up on a blind date. That was before you voiced your interest and-"

"I know what we discussed Shepard."

"Look, she was adamant about it. She said I looked like I just needed to have a little fun, so I agreed…If you're jealous I'll cancel it." She didn't want to cause any stress between her and Feron, she didn't need any more drama. She already had one pissed off Drell. She didn't need another.

"I'm not jealous." He said seriously.

"Did you find out anything about him?" Her tone now matching his.

"He's cut and dry…seems like a good guy. No shady dealings, his money is honest and so are the majority of his clients. He works in trade, his products are pretty broad spectrum, sometimes selling harder to find items. Nothing illegal. He's only been arrested once and that was because he was defending his friend who started a fight with a Batarian in a bar. He's that…what do you humans call it…'a good ol' boy'?"

"So he's the complete opposite of me?"

"Well, they do say opposites attract."

"I'd rather be going on a date with you." _Did I just say that?_ Shepard bit her lip and looked away hesitantly. _Fuck, did I_ _ **really**_ _just say that?_

"You should go Shepard. It might be good for you. It's just a date. It doesn't mean anything unless you make it so. You're not going to bond with him tomorrow. At least I hope you won't. Besides…I know you'll wait until I get at least one night with you."

"So confident skittles. You think it will only take one night?" She pursed her lips and teased him again flirtingly watching as Feron's expression finally softened.

"Depends…are you planning on tasting the rainbow?" He grinned wickedly making Shepard snort back an elaborate laugh in delight.

"Oh God, I was wondering when you were going to slip that in somewhere."

"I was waiting for the perfect opportunity."

"I bet you were." She mused seeing his eyes glance off screen to the side again. She was interrupting him from his work. She didn't want to get him in anymore trouble.

"Go ahead Feron. I know you're busy."

"I'm always busy. This place never stops." Something in his expression and tone made her pause. The look in his eyes seeming a little off. "Want me to call you tonight?"

"Unless your planning on letting me watch. I'll talk to you tomorrow." She answered him trying to distract him from whatever was going through his mind a moment ago. Chuckling deeply his eyes roamed over her from head to foot before giving her his signature roguish grin.

"I can't reveal everything before I get there. I need to leave a little bit for your imagination."

Shepard shook her head as they said their goodbyes and he disconnected. Taking a deep breath she rested her head back against the couch and tried to distract herself with what Feron's scales would look like beneath his leathers.

* * *

He noticed her glancing at him periodically. The Drell female by herself in the corner, a drink in her hands. He made eye contact and held it, giving her silent confirmation if she wished to approach him. Normally he would have approached her but tonight he just wasn't in the mood to play the game. If someone wanted him, they would have to come to him. He stole another glance and watched as she excused herself from the group of women she was with, sipping her drink before putting it down upon the table. A human and a few Asari were with her. Honestly, he would have fucked any of them if they wanted it. He didn't even care who at this particular moment.

The girl walked towards him slowly, the light sky blue of her scales shimmering as she moved through the flashing lights of the bar. Loud ground pulsing music vibrating through the floors as he took a few more deep gulps to finish his drink before she approached him. After his third hard one, he was finally able to feel the ease from the burning straight up liquor.

She slid in easily beside him, her dark eyes glancing up at him in silent question. He leaned in and gave her an inquisitive subharmonic which she returned right away in acceptance. He turned fully towards her than, glancing at her neck, making sure this wouldn't be a serious thing, her own going to his as well. The thick silver Hikari meaning the same thing as her lack of one. Neither of them wanted anything past tonight.

He saw her admiring his scales and patterns, the till in her throat letting him know how beautiful she found him. He gave a sound of thanks and she tilted her head to the side indicating for him to follow her as she turned to walk towards the back rooms. Leaving the main room they followed a long narrow hallway passing by a few openings and dark crevices where other couples were in different stages of encounters. When she reached the end of the hallway that lead into two directions she glanced back at him inquisitively.

"Which way would you like to go?" She asked, her voice very gentle and low.

Kolyat glanced both ways and guided her towards the direction that was more concealed and blanketed in shadows. When he felt her hesitate a moment he took his hand off her back and gave her a soothing hum of understanding. He would never force a female into doing anything with him that was not wanted. That was why he had stopped when he sensed Shepard- No, he didn't want to think about that right now. He needed to focus on the female before him and clear his mind. _Don't think about her…_

"Forgive me, I do not do this too often." He tilted his head to the side studying her. _Maybe he should just get another drink and go home._

"I understand. If you changed your mind-"

"No…I just needed a moment to gather my courage." _Focus on her…this female actually wants you._

"I can be gentle, if that is what you prefer." He kept his voice soft to match her own shy disposition. Making a sound of approval she slipping past him into the shadows and indicated for him to come closer. A purr of encouragement vibrating from her throat.

Kolyat took a step forward but paused suddenly feeling off about the whole situation. His stomach tightened not in desire but uncertainty as he listened to the till that was meant to entice, but instead invoked nothing within him. _What the fuck is the matter with me? I've done this plenty of times before._

The girl was staring at him expectantly now her light blue scales shining dimly in the low lighting, irises unable to be seen. She made another sound to coax him forward and Kolyat moved towards her almost mechanically, letting his instincts take over as his hands slowly guided themselves up her arms toward her neck. Hearing a till of submission slip from her throat she closed her eyes and titled her head to the side granting him access to her dark blue ribbing.

Kolyat wetted his lips in anticipation desperate to lose himself in this female before him. Dipping his mouth to the crook of her neck he smelled her deeply taking her willing scent into him. Her aroma was gentle and soft, like desert flowers, pleasing, but not enough to make his mouth water in need. _She's too docile, too quiet._ He smelt her again, his tongue slowly running over her frills to taste her venom and indicate his intimate acceptance but making sure the potent tang of heating time was not upon her. The last thing he needed was the possibility of his own bastard running around.

Her hand was upon his hip guiding itself up into his jacket. Grabbing her wrist in alarm he stopped her administrations before they began, not willing for her to find his hidden gun and startle her away. Hooking her hand around his neck he bent and brought his throat down to her lips allowing her to accept his scent and bite, before they continued. Something about her screamed formal and he had already told her he would be gentle. _I guess I should follow proper etiquette._

When he felt the soft bite as his throat, his instincts flared a little higher. Pushing himself slightly against her, he reached down to grab the material of her long skirts and slipped his hand up her thigh. The ripples and texture of her scales cool beneath his touch.

"Do you want to tell me your name?" He asked not particularly caring but giving her the curtesy if she wanted him to know.

"No, and I don't want yours." She breathed against his neck biting him again and running her course tongue to the most sensitive spots beneath his cheek fringe forcing a shudder to run through him. She ground herself against him, her nips and licks becoming bolder as she moved over his throat as his fingers found the juncture of her thighs. He could smell her arousal now, as calm as the rest of her, still not forcing an overwhelming desire to course through him like it should have. Even as her hands guided over his leathers caressing him lightly, Kolyat started to despair that perhaps something was wrong with him.

"Give me a moment." He croaked trying to clear his mind and just focus on the cool feeling of the female's body before him. Her sounds of desire and want, her scent, letting him know that she wanted him. _**She**_ _wants me._

"Here, let me." She purred to him as her hands caressed him once more before she unlatched his leathers to dip her palm within, pulling him free. Kolyat rested one hand upon the wall behind her and closed his eyes concentrating on her fingers wrapping around his thick girth. He sighed as she stroked him. Her movements slow and the pressure light against him. It took him a little while, but she continued without impatience until he grew hard enough for his natural lubrication to start seeping out from within his ridges and frills. Making him now moist enough to take her comfortably.

Pushing against him lightly, Kolyat moved away, giving her enough room to hoist her skirt up and pull her underwear away. He moved against her and lifted her leg slightly, watching her expression as she closed her eyes and sighed when he slowly entered her. He stared at her face, watching the dark blue ribbing swell in arousal, listening to her instinctual till of pleasure. She was enjoying it but something about it seemed even more mechanical now. Like he was just going through the motions. Despite the fact that she was starting to get a little louder, a little less composed, clutching at his shoulders while he pumped her incredibly slow. Kolyat swallowed back his growl of frustration not wishing to hurt the female before him but wanting to pick up the pace. Everything about her just seemed more delicate than he would have liked, even for a Drell. He closed his eyes and concentrated on just finding his pleasure, thinking about nothing but the pressure on his dick and reaching his height.

"Harder." She eventually moaned, her voice barely a whisper making Kolyat growl in acceptance. _About fucking time._

Without thinking he pulled himself out and turned her around roughly, yanking her long skirts up to bunch at the curve of her back. Hooking his hand beneath her knee he pulled her leg up to help spread her as he plunged back inside, crudely pressing her against the wall hard. His patience was at its end for gentle and soft, just desperate to feel something more as he tried to chase his own pleasure. She didn't protest as he used her, his movements helping to make her reach her peak, as the rumbled till vibrated and he felt the edges of her release start to rise.

"Are you close?" She asked between gasps her face buried in her fist against the wall trying to stay as silent as possible.

"Go ahead, I'm almost there." He lied, not anywhere near his own completion. He just wanted it to end now and knew her release would force his own, whether he liked it or not. He pushed into her faster, letting her use him as he fucked her harder, until he brought her to orgasm. She gasped loudly, the till in her throat let out a high hitch that only he was able to hear, as he felt her body clamp down on him and force his shaft to stay trapped within her. The vibration of her inner frills sent currents over him, pushing him over the edge forcefully, like a chair kicked out beneath him. He grunted in pain, as his seed was pulled from him vehemently and forced to spill within her. The sensation not entirely pleasant and enjoyable…but at least it was over and he could now leave.

 _I should have just jerked off at home. Did she even notice that I wasn't into it? Wait…_ Who gave a fuck? He probably wasn't going to see her gain, what fucking difference did it make? They didn't know each other. He doubted she could tell the difference anyway. Kolyat sighed deeply feeling more frustrated than he did before he got to the bar, waiting impatiently for her to finish.

He withdrew from her as soon as her body released him, fighting the urge to just push her away and not touch her again. Her breaths were heavy as they both adjusted their clothes in silence noticing her glance at him periodically as she righted her skirts and slowly turned around. _Please don't ask me for anything else._ _Please don't touch me again._

He tried his best not to show what he was thinking upon his face and surprisingly she didn't say anything else, just gave him a till of thanks respectfully and bowed her head politely before turning to leave once she was fully righted. Kolyat didn't say anything as he watched her leave, staring at the way her hips swayed beneath her dress until she turned and was completely out of view.

Releasing a heavy breath of aggravation Kolyat leaned against the wall and growled in annoyance. _What the fuck is the matter with me?_ He had never felt like this before. A sinking feeling taking root in his stomach and throat, made him feel uncomfortable and sick. He just wanted to go home now and pass out. Take a shower or maybe throw up. He had thought coming here and grabbing a drink, following his normal routine, would have helped bring him a sense of peace, but instead, the liquor, the atmosphere, and the sex, was just as good as he now felt…empty and just there.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **Emily:** I was so excited to finally introduce this character. I spent a lot of time on her and I love her dearly. She plays a very important role to me and will appear again later on and in a side story that I am about 60 pages into, called **My Ambrosian Dream** in which she is showcased **.** I will start posting **My Ambrosian Dream** when this story reaches a certain point as to not spoil any future story arch's. For those that are interested I will notify at the end of a future Chapter when Chapter 1 for that is posted.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

 _Sweet Mother of Protection._ He had heard the stories about Hell. A place where many humans believed, that if you did bad things in life instead of the sea, you were forced there after death. There was fire and brimstone and other things he didn't finish reading about. It was place of suffering, where you were tortured for all eternity because of your sins. _Hell…I'm in Hell. This is what Hell must be._

It took every ounce of strength in his soul for Kolyat not to groan in agony when he watched Shepard appear from the back room. He had never seen anything so beautiful and desirable in his entire life. She glanced at him and smiled as she moved to her desk and closed out the programs on her computer, locking them with extra security, waiting for the proper protocols to initialize as she finished putting her earrings in. Twin sapphire tear drops below a string of three diamonds encased in silver or perhaps knowing her, white gold.

Her hair was half up with tendrils of ruby red waves falling around her neck and shoulders haphazardly. The dress was magnificent. Dark blue intricate delicate lace just shy of concealing the abundant swell of her breasts that started in a low V and worked its way off her shoulders leaving her collar bones, neck and throat bare. He stared at the delicate curve of her neckline forcing himself not to slip into a memory and remember how his tongue had felt running over it.

The lace was tight against her body, a second skin with cutouts in the patterns upon her stomach and sides, as if giving a small glimpse into the heaven that was waiting right beyond the openings. The fabric ended at the swell of her hips where ripples of dark blue silk dropped in layer upon layer of material against her legs. Her feet were covered in dark blue open toed high heel shoes with a blue sapphire tear drop and two diamonds right in the center of the thin straps near her perfectly manicured toes.

"Can you help me with this?" She asked staring at him expectantly as she took a flat thin velvet box from her desk and motion towards him. He approached her slowly trying to keep as much as his composure as agonizingly possible.

She placed the box in his hands and turned her back towards him as he opened it, reveling a diamond string necklace with a large sapphire in the middle. Slowly he took it out, keeping his hands as steady as possible as he hooked it around her neck.

"So, I'm waiting for you to ask me."

"Ask you what?" Kolyat said curiously while laying the necklace over her throat to close the double clasp in the back. _If this necklace is worth more than I make in ten years? Because it probably is._

"My dress. Jovan and Theirin made it a point to bring out dresses only in this color."

"The color is very flattering against your skin and you look extraordinary." His voice came out more rumbled than he would have liked as he finished closing the fastenings and stepped away from her trying not to linger on the exotic and heavenly smell upon her skin.

"We basically match." She said with discontent frowning as she turned to look at him.

Kolyat glanced down at his dark blue vest beneath his suit and then thought about the color of his scales and her dress before he scoffed and shook his head as he realized completely what she meant.

"Are you upset because I still look better than you?" He asked haughtily and grinned. He was pleased when she snorted in distaste and returned his expression. The air between them starting to feel lighter, before she bit her lip and looked away in hesitation. _It cannot remain like this between us._

"I am curious about something."

"About what?" She quirked her eyebrow in interest as he grabbed her attention completely.

"Where exactly are you hiding your gun?" Kolyat ran his eyes very slowly up her body. By how tight the dress was, there was no way she was hiding it in her usually spot at the base of her back. Perhaps a holster on her upper thigh? There was enough material to hide the presence if need be.

He blinked at her deliberately when he reached her gaze, a large grin still spread across her soft pink painted lips. A delicate amount of dark blue eyeshadow and black eyeliner surrounding her emerald green eyes. She was a vision of true beauty, power and elegance. A true warrior angel. _I am in Hell._ Swallowing back his thoughts he crossed his arms over his chest giving her a scrutinizing look watching as she shrugged and turned away from him to walk towards the door, indicating for him to follow. He had a feeling she wasn't going to tell him.

When they reached the door she hesitated and took a deep breath before stepping into the automatic sensor. Her eyes turning to look back up at him in worry as she bit her bottom lip again. Whatever was bothering her, it weighed heavily on her mind.

"Hey…about the other day-"

"Don't." he cut her off immediately not wishing to start a fight or upset her further right now. Not if her life was about to be on the line. He didn't need the extra distraction. Holding his hand up, he shook his head in disapproval walking towards the office door.

"Just forget about it. I know I pushed you when you weren't ready. I understand…I need to take things slower with you."

"Yeah I…wait, what?" Before he could give her a moment to answer and process what he said, he left the office and moved quickly towards the reception area. _Wait a second, did I just voice my actual interest in her?_ Kolyat chanced a glance back at her and saw the questioning look in her eyes. _Shit, I did._

"Kolyat." She called his name sternly making him stop and turn towards her. Without backing down he stood up straight and stared at her in complete confidence. _I will not take back what I just said._

"What did you mean-" She started until a female's moan interrupted her making them both blink in confusion and turn towards the origin of the sound. Narissa and Gary both suddenly looking up from the computer screen with wide eyes as they stared at them. Another moan followed by a growl coming from their direction.

"What the hell are you watching? It sounds like porn."

"Ms. Shepard have you recently…" Narissa's voice trailed off as Gary stood up and motioned her closer.

"Have you fucked a Turian recently?" Gary asked blatantly. Why was it getting harder and harder to keep his expression neutral around these people? He did his best not to show the shock he felt by the man, who he had only recently met earlier, so openly ask such a question to her. _Wait…why_ _ **was**_ _he asking her that?_ Shepard tilted her head to the side as if thinking. _You have to be fucking kidding me._

"No, I'm pretty sure I would remember that. Was I drunk?"

"I'm telling you it's not her Narissa." Gary's voice was serious as he glanced at the lavender Asari beside him as she looked up at him and then back at the screen, the sounds getting even louder and more obscene.

"Are you sure? The resemblance..."

"Who looks like me?" Shepard asked crossing her arms over her chest frowning in displeasure.

"This Turian and Human. He's really dining out on her." Gary answered placing a hand on the desk to study the computer once again.

"Wait a minute." Shepard spoke looking down in contemplation. _Gods, is she still trying to remember if she did or not?_

"How is that possible with their teeth and their nails and….I have to see this."

Kolyat watched as she hurriedly made her way behind the desk and pushed Gary slightly so she could sit next to Narissa and stare at the screen with them. Kolyat's own curiosity got the better of him as he followed quietly until he was able to see behind them.

A human woman was laying upon the edge of the bed, the back of her head to the camera. Long red wavy hair cascading behind her upon the sheets. Legs spread wide as the face of the Turian dipped down, his long tongue disappearing within her body. He almost let out a breath of relief when the woman moaned again, the pitch and tone not matching Shepard's. Were humans and Asari's not able to hear the difference?

The Turian suddenly stopped and grabbed the woman to sit up, her hands grabbing at the material of his pants to guide them down his hard body. His erection at full bloom reaching for her eagerly. Kolyat shifted uncomfortably doing his best not to show how off he felt while watching a porn video in the company of others. He had to focus and force himself not to view the woman as Shepard, although she looked extremely similar. _Shit…I think I'm getting turned on._

"Is that really his dick?" Gary asked skeptically.

"It's so…" Shepard started

"Small?" He finished.

"I was going to say slimy, but yeah he's pretty small too."

"They have to be moist. Their women don't produce lubrication of their own." Narissa answered seriously making all three of them turn to blink at her in surprise.

"How the hell do you now that?" Gary frowned making her stammer and look away from them. _She's been with a Turian female?_

"Okay leave Narissa alone but seriously this is just ridiculous…It looks like its sweating, or melting, or ughhhhh! Don't put that in your mouth!" Gary and Shepard both made sounds of horror and covered their eyes to look away a moment before glancing back. He bit his lip to stop a laugh from escaping his throat watching their reactions.

"She's going to be really sick if he cums in her mouth." She said seriously, her green eyes darkening.

The Turian grabbed the woman quickly and picked her up with ease, flipping her over and burying her face within the pillow. The fact that they were doing everything to cover this woman's face was fact enough how fake the video was although the title said "Commander Shepard takes Turian Cock". Did the video really not upset her?

"I don't like this woman's ass." Gary snorted.

"So you really know it's not me?"

"Of course it isn't, this woman's ass is too small."

"Are you saying I have a fat ass?" Shepard blinked at him in dismay.

"No my dear, you have fabulous ass."

"Damn right. My tits are nicer too." Shepard's attention went back to screen as if mesmerized.

"I always appreciated your modesty Shepard…Well anyway, I think my curiosity has been sated, I'll stick to human men. Unless Drell dicks are bigger. Are their women dry too?" Gary's eyes turned on him suggestively giving him a once over before he grinned widely his eyes dimming in desire. Kolyat sucked his teeth immediately and frowned.

"I'm not interested." He snapped making Gary's face fall and Narissa snort back a laugh.

"Their women only produce moisture after their first orgasm." Shepard said almost mechanically her attention still absorbed on the screen. "Drell males have frills on the base of their members and ridges that produce lubrication when they're excited. Imagine wet silk lube that taste like exotic spice, kind of like coffee or-"

Horror blanketed Shepard's face as she realized what slipped out of her mouth. Gary and Narissa both grinned at her with satisfied looks in their eyes. Kolyat turned his head away as he tried to suppress his own grin that he knew wanted to break free. A cough coming from his mouth as he tried to stifle a laugh.

"Well, well, someone's been naughty." Gary said cheekily. Kolyat could see the red hues erupting over her cheeks in mortification.

"I think we just guessed what species your last lover was. Especially if he tasted like coffee." Narissa mused quietly. Gary made a sound of agreement.

"Her addiction on the skin of a male. I'm surprised she didn't just lick him all day. The perks of being Commander Shepard I'm sure."

"Oh my God." Shepard groaned burying her face in her hands. "Please don't start that."

"Is this why you're her date for the Unveiling? Are you two seeing each other?" Gary glanced at Kolyat in interest.

"Okay enough!" Shepard said in anger, pushing herself up from the desk making Gary and Narissa quiet and share a worried look. She walked towards the door and motioned for him to follow. Kolyat knew better than to argue as he fell beside her glancing at her two Secretary's that both smiled at him softly and waved goodbye.

He stayed close by her as they walked towards the transport station, glancing around periodically to see if anything seemed off, looking up into the buildings to see if something would catch his attention. Sounds, smells, lighting, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. He had a feeling that the hit, if it was attempted, would be at the Unveiling itself but he still wanted to make sure that nothing happened before they got there. When he was satisfied with his survey he noticed Shepard staring at him with a whimsical look on her face.

"What?" He asked almost accusingly.

"Nothing." She said but her smile didn't falter as she summoned the vehicle and glanced at him again her grin widening. _What the hell is going through her head?_

She remained silent as they entered the car, the fabric of her skirts bunching around her legs and over the seat as he sat next to her. He helped adjust the abundant material that trailed over the seating, moving it so he wouldn't sit on the fabric, their fingers brushing momentarily. She glanced at him in thanks frowning as she moved the skirt comfortably around her legs making him grin at her discomfort.

When the sky car started moving he could see her glancing at him every so often through the reflection of the glass. Was she uncomfortable being alone with him now? What could he do to ease her? He coughed quietly and glanced at her.

"You know, you really should stop undressing me with your eyes, you're going to give a man a complex." He grinned cheekily running his hand down the front of his vest in elaboration making her choke back a laugh. The distraction working as he intended.

"Oh? I'm undressing you huh? Don't think I didn't see you eyeing me in the office before." So, she had caught him.

"Don't pretend you wore that dress to appear as an angel, although you do look heavenly. I assure you."

"Smooth Kolyat, very smooth." She clicked her tongue at him in sarcastic delight.

"I do try, but you misinterpreted my stares from before."

"Did I now?" Her voice now ringing with disbelief and challenge.

"I was merely waiting for you to bust your ass in those heels." He deadpanned staring at her stoically.

"You're so funny." She quipped dryly, silence stretching out between them a moment before she sighed almost dramatically. "Please don't let me do that in front of the reporters. That would be mortifying."

"Don't worry, I'll catch you if you do." She blinked slowly and studied him, long black lashes fluttering and framing mesmerizing jewels. He knew his gaze was more intense than he meant it to be and he did not wish to come on too strong so he grinned and turned his eyes away.

"Unless of course you would prefer to shoot your way out of the room? I'll leave it for you to decide."

"I don't think that's an option for me tonight."

"The night has not yet started. We still have time."

He jumped slightly and laughed throatily when he felt her jab her elbow playfully into his side. This is what he wanted back. The ease and comfortable atmosphere between them. It had really bothered him when he had to take a step back and regard her as if she meant nothing to him, especially after the time they had spent in his father's safe house. He was realizing it was far from the truth. The more time they spent together, the more he wanted to see her again, know her, watch her smile and hear her laugh. Suddenly the thought of a different future made him sober. If his father still lived she could have been his stepmother. He wondered if he would have stayed away or gotten to know her. He probably wouldn't even have looked at her again.

He glimpsed back at her, a grin on her lips but slowly falling as she noticed the seriousness on his. Would he have stayed away? Would he have been able to? If he got to know her, that might have not been an option for him. Maybe he would have viewed her presence more cruelly…maybe he would've been gentler. Either way, no matter how much he tried not to, he still loved his father and it wasn't uncommon for a widowed male, if remarried, to involve his son in the union. He wondered if his father would have asked him, to try and gain his favor or force a closer bond between them. He tried to picture it. His father touching her while he watched, allowing him to touch her while he observed. Would it turn him on? _No, our relationship would have never been strong enough for that. Why am I even thinking about this shit right now?_

"Is everything okay?" Her voice was heavy now with an underlining air of worry. He did not wish to give her the wrong idea. Still unsure of where the thoughts that entered his mind had just come from.

"So…how do you wish to play this? Am I your bodyguard? Or your date?" He asked changing the subject in his mind.

"Both. For appearances you're my date. There are still rumors that I have a Drell lover, so we can use that to our advantage. We can't tip off anyone to show that we are aware of the assassination attempt that might happen tonight." Kolyat nodded in understanding trying not to show how excited he actually was to be considered her date for the evening.

"I spoke to Bailey this morning, there are extra undercover security and detectives that will be present, along with checkpoints within the building. Extra rooms are secured for surveillance coverage and sensors have been placed in larger vents and less used areas. I won't leave your side tonight."

"Kolyat-"

"Sarah…I know you can take care of yourself but I want you to rely on me. I _**swear**_ I will allow no harm to come to you. I need you to trust me."

"I trust you Kolyat." The sincerity in her voice and gaze made his chest ache in pure conviction. She truly did believe in him. Enough to put her life in his hands. Just like his father had before him. When he felt the car begin to slow he closed his eyes, clasped his hands and bowed his head in prayer. He prayed for strength from Amonkira and protection from Arashu, he would not fail her, that was not an option.

"You ready for this?" She asked, waiting patiently for him to finish his prayer, giving her a solemn nod to let her know he was done. "Just let me do the talking."

"I wasn't planning on saying anything. I prefer the dark mysterious approach."

"You planning on being a heart breaker tonight? Just raise that eyeridge." She mused as he helped gather her skirt so she wouldn't snag on anything leaving the car.

"What, like this?" he snickered raising his brow mockingly at her doing his best to give her his most smoldering look.

"You're on a roll tonight aren't you?" She voiced flatly making him chuckle. "But honestly… brace yourself. My first time with the press startled me. Now they're just a nuisance and they like to fabricate lies with their footage. Don't take any of it seriously. Just be my shadow and don't react to any of the questions they throw at us."

"I understand."

Kolyat remained close by her as they made their way to the front of the building where a large group of people stood shouting questions as people entered. A few C-Sec officers held them at bay as they ushered him and Shepard into the building but her name being yelled by multiple people made her stop to smile gently approaching a small area for questions to be answered.

"Commander Shepard, if you would answer a few questions!" One of the human women shouted in which Shepard gave them her best smile and moved closer. Kolyat staying right at her side as she motioned for him to approach with her.

"I have some time for a few questions. Please make them good, okay" She teased wrinkling her nose in fake annoyance, although Kolyat knew it was genuine.

"Commander Shepard, what are your opinions on the new Alliance Cruisers that will be revealed today? Is this a way for the Human Councilor to gain more power in the Citadel?"

"What? Don't be ridiculous. Councilor Anderson is an honest and decent man, he would never do anything to undermine the authority of the other Council members. This is to strengthen Citadel Security. There are no underhanded intentions in wanting to protect our home. The new Cruisers were commissioned by all the Council members."

"Then what are your opinions on the new schematics? What are the improvements?

"You want my opinion?" Shepard blinked slowly and grinned. Kolyat could see she was trying to feign innocence but he could already see it in her eyes. That small flash of mirth that she did for only a second, which indicated that she was thinking about something inappropriate.

"I think it's an amazing thing actually." She started, smiling sweetly towards the cameras. "Unfortunately I am not able to know exactly what is involved when the engineers design these schematics but I have always been curious. I think we should thank the higher ups who sit in front of their computers all day jerking off."

Kolyat blinked in disbelief glancing at the crowd of reporters who started snickering and chatting amongst themselves as Shepard held up her hand and made a motion as if she was a man masturbating.

"I'm sure they would say things like "fuck yeah, you dirty little ship you. Let's add cup holders and make them blue, that's sexy, and then they cum all over their screens…you have to really appreciate the thought process that goes into the new blueprints. That's hard earned tax payer money right there. Real dedication. I just hope their new weapon capacity is enough to make a girl all hot and bothered."

Kolyat shook his head and looked away from her answer. _Did she really just say that?_ Many of the reporters were frowning, others snickering as the mixed reaction crowd flashed more pictures and yelled more questions.

"You have a history of violent missions and leaving chaos in your wake. How is your image for the Alliance justified as being a symbol of hope and peace with your reputational past?"

"That's not true. I always go for the peaceful or diplomatic solution before I resort to violence. It's not my fault explosions tend to happen after the peaceful negotiations fail. A specter's main priority is completing the mission and taking out the threat by any means necessary."

"Some say you welcome destruction."

"Okay enough of that. What are you trying to do? Scare my date?" Shepard looked at him and winked playfully. He couldn't stop the gentle pull of his lips as he stared back, the crowd suddenly getting even more restless as several people tried to talk at once in excitement.

"Commander, who is your mysterious escort this evening?"

"Is dating a Drell wise as being a symbol for humanity?"

"How long have you been going out?"

"What's his name?"

"Are you two exclusive?" He couldn't believe the up heave that erupted from her comment. Kolyat was having trouble keeping up with the barrage of questions and flashing lights as people started staring at him making him just a little uncomfortable. _Well, at least I look good in this suit._

"You don't know him?" Shepard asked the crowd in mock horror, glancing at him once more and then back at the flashing lights until she smiled coyly and started to turn away her eyes glittering with humor making him want to groan from her over elaborate gestures. _Gods, what is she about to say now?_

"He's a Drell Sex God. Shame on you for not knowing that." Kolyat blinked at her in horror. _Did she just say that to a group of reporters?_ He heard a few snickers in the crowd again and then another uproar as questions started being thrown at him now. He forced himself to keep a neutral expression and remain quiet like she instructed.

"What's it like for you being with a human?"

"Is the sex really that good?"

"What do you do for a living?"

"Give us your name!"

Kolyat blinked at her in uncertainty but glared at the reporters silently as she wrapped her hand around his arm and smiled sweetly waiting for him to guide her away. Without another glance he led her into the building. Secretly enjoying the warmth of her hand over the material of his sleeve. She took a deep breath and sighed as soon as they were alone.

"You did warn me that they were vultures." His comment was meant to ease her and he was rewarded with her light chuckle and ghost of a smile.

"Like smelling blood in the water."

"I guess they interpreted my presence as easy prey. Your comment didn't help much though."

"But imagine the boost I just gave your sex life. Now hundreds of women will be lining up to get a chance with Commander Shepard's Sex God." Kolyat hummed in agreement although the thought made him surprisingly uncomfortable especially because of what happened to him the other night.

"I don't really think it will do me much good now." He stopped walking when he felt Shepard slow, allowing her hand to slip free from his arm. He turned towards her as if following her lead, waiting patiently as if he was awaiting an order.

"What do you mean by that?" Her voice was unsure, her eyes searching his gaze deeply. _Should I tell her the truth? Would she see me any differently?_ The truth that he had started to come upon after the previous night.

"I have decided that my past…exploits, are no longer required. I am only going to focus on becoming a Detective. The bar scene is not really going to be on my agenda any longer. Besides…I'm getting tired of it." _Because I am pretty sure I have found what I really want._

Something in her eyes darkened as she regarded his words as if she was having trouble trying to understand why he had come upon this decision. He wasn't going to tell her though. They both weren't ready for what he wanted to say. He watched the subtle rise and fall of her chest as she came towards him, her gaze running up his body assessingly. She really had no idea how she looked at him sometimes, did she? Like she was raging an inner war within herself. Like she wanted to kiss him and slap him at the same time. He had a feeling it was the same way he looked at her sometimes.

Kolyat hitched a shallow breath and held it as her hand slowly guided itself to his cheek. The warmth of her fingertips upon his ribbing sending jolts of sensation through every nerve. Fire and perfection just in that one caress. He forced himself to stay still, not willing to fuck up and read the situation wrong again. Suddenly she smiled shyly and slapped his cheek playfully making pleasure shoot through his body. He growled softly making sure to swallow down the sexual till from erupting. _She has no fucking idea, how much she turns me on when she does that._ He just hoped his eyes didn't give away how much he enjoyed that simple gesture.

"Look at you acting all grown up." She quipped walking past him now. Letting out a heavy calming breath he ran his hand down the front of his suit jacket to follow after her, hoping that he wasn't sporting a raging hard on.

"You act as if you're so much older than me. Only three years Shepard. That is not a lifetime."

"I keep forgetting I'm only twenty five. I feel like I lived ten life times."

"I could just imagine in regards to half the stories I have heard about you, but I thought you were twenty six? Don't tell me you're the type of woman who wants to lie about her age already."

"I'm twenty-one forever. Are you trying to make me older?"

"No it's just…I turned twenty three a month before the C-Sec Ball. I didn't realize you were only two and a half years older than me."

"What does that have to do with anything?" She eyed him curiously.

"Just an observation."

"Wait a minute…Thane had you when he was eighteen?"

"He was seventeen when he married my mother." He nodded in confirmation.

"No wonder he was so clueless." She said absently, more to herself than him. If she was any other person making that comment he would have been pissed beyond compare but coming from her, a woman who knew his father so completely it made him laugh loudly in agreement.

"Maybe one day you will allow me to share some of my memories of him with you. Some of our more awkward encounters."

"I would like that." She smiled softly and started walking again stopping a moment to whisper over at him teasingly right before continuing on. The sparkle in her eyes making his chest tighten in deep inclination.

"I hope its memories of you "dancing crazy", I always enjoyed those."

Kolyat blinked in shock and budding embarrassment. The heat in his frills feeling more apparent as he faltered in his footsteps. There was no way she would know about that unless his father had shared some of his own personal memories of him with her. It now hit him even harder. She really was the only one who truly knew him.

He slowly trailed behind her staring at the curve of her neck to the swell of her shoulders and the long expanse of her back. Staring at the cut outs in the patterns, the way her hips moved. He could feel his throat tighten again, his chest grow heavy as he studied her. He imagined what it would be like to slowly undo that dress. To slip it down her body and watch as her pale flesh became revealed inch by inch. How alien and exotic she was, so different, so… _Focus asshole! You're supposed to be guarding her not imagining her naked._

They remained silent as he brought himself back to the moment as they walked through the halls, many which were made of glass. The corridors were open concept with not too many places to hide but he stopped a moment to run his hand over the wall. Knowing that this location was not secure depending on the thickness of the material.

"It's bulletproof." She spoke as if reading where his thoughts were. "Unless someone tries to go after me with a rocket launcher. We're okay for the moment."

"Well it would certainly make a statement." He answered dryly wondering how desperate her assassin would be.

"I can't deny that. Come on were almost there. I have to pick up my speech first."

Kolyat nodded and continued following her, now on full alert as he stayed close behind her watching everyone they approached or passed. He listened for any sounds or movements that seemed out of the ordinary until they finally reached a far office. Shepard hesitated a moment before signaling the sensor of her arrival.

"Just as before. Let me do all the talking okay." She spoke quietly before allowing the door to open for her, entering into an extremely large office where a lone human male wearing a white suit sat. He glanced up at the sound of the open doors expectantly, but as soon as he laid eyes on them Kolyat could literally feel the atmosphere and weight in the air change to hostility. The human's eyes narrowed scornfully as he sucked his teeth in displeasure.

"Secretary Udina." Shepard nodded emotionlessly towards him in greeting.

"Shepard." The man glared at her disdainfully his mouth etched in a deep frown.

"It's been awhile."

"Never long enough it seems." He spat looking away from her and down at his desk dismissively. _What the hell?_

"You hurt my feelings I hope you know that." She answered in fake upset moving towards the desk slowly.

"You shouldn't even be here, Shepard. The only reason you're not rotting in a prison cell as we speak is because of your record and connections."

"I love it when you talk dirty to me." Shepard said almost seductively her fingers running over the slight swell of her cleavage within the tight confines of her dress. Udina's lips pulled away from his teeth in revulsion his eyes darkening in hatred.

"You're disgusting."

"The more you fight me, the more you turn me on." She smiled cruelly, taking a hand to run it down her neck tilting it slightly. Kolyat didn't know if she meant to do that or if a human male would be turned on by a movement that was meant as more of an offering for his species. He looked away to fight a smile that threatened to break free. _She was too used to being with a Drell._

"Just take what you came for and get out." Udina snapped, grabbing a data pad from his desk to hold it up to her. Shepard clicked her tongue and approached him quickly, her hips swaying a little too fluidly.

"You keep up that attitude and not even the whores you pay will put up with you anymore." Kolyat swallowed thickly at the malice in her voice, never really hearing that tone before. He imagined her eyes were nothing but a dark storm, but her back was to him as she approached the human's desk.

Everything happened quickly after that. Kolyat saw the tip of her heel catch on the carpet and he rushed forward to grab her hand as she tumbled forward in surprise. His hand wrapped around her wrist with enough force to yank her back but her other hand shot out and hit the coffee cup upon the Humans desk. Kolyat pulled her against his body to allow her to get her footing just as the Human male jumped up in livid alarm, steaming brown liquid splashing over him and the documents on his desk. Kolyat didn't care though, his only concern was the woman in his arms.

She pulled away with blanketed horror as both she and a cursing Udina scrambled to get papers and data pads out of the liquids path. Kolyat also moved to help when she handed him a bunch of things and dropped them haphazardly into his arms glancing at the Secretary's white suit now stained with brown. He wanted to laugh but knew now wasn't the appropriate time as Shepard grabbed some tissues from a box on his desk and reached out to start dabbing at his lap.

"I'm sooooo sorry." She said a little too dramatically. Her hands extremely close to his crotch until the male let out something that resembles a snarl and slapped her hand away roughly to grab at his own handful of tissues to frantically wipe the material. His skin turned tight and red as rage boiled in his expression.

"Don't touch me!" He screamed at her making her stop immediately and right herself. A blank expression on her face as she uncaringly tossed the tissues onto his desk no longer interested in helping.

"I said I was sorry. It was an accident."

"You did it on purpose. Just get out. Take your speech and leave." Shepard frowned and turned from Udina but caught a slight grin spread across her lips for a brief moment when he knew Udina couldn't see her. _Holy shit. She did do it on purpose._

She walked back towards the entrance where a long waist high cabinet lay against the wall piled abundantly with files and data pads, a small model Alliance cruiser weighing one of the piles down and past that a small bonsai plant. Kolyat had recognized it because his father had a few in his safe house that he had looked up on the extranet while they were there. She turned to him and started taking some of the papers from his arms to place them on the table.

"If you want you can send me the dry cleaning bill." She spoke almost sounding apologetic.

"Oh I intend too." The man snarled again before dropping his hand to give up on the stain, staring at her heatedly.

"I just hope you know that one day you are going to turn around and no one is going to be there to hold your hand or catch your fall." Kolyat and she shared a look of interest from his words.

"I don't know. He did pretty well. Like a ninja." She grinned towards him making his own spread across his lips in return.

"How long will it be before he turns his back on you?" Kolyat narrowed his eyes in anger and looked towards the human. His throat emitting a low annoyed growl of warning from his words. Ignoring Shepard's hand lightly brushing his as if to calm him, he kept his gaze on Udina unwaveringly. What kind of accusation was that? He didn't know him.

"You are nothing but a poster child for Alliance recruitment. Don't let anyone fool you into thinking otherwise. Everyone you have helped will turn their back on you in one way or another when you have used up your usefulness. You know what it means to be a soldier, a pawn to the Alliance. You already feel it don't you? How they ignore your warnings about the Reapers no matter how much you try to convince them, no matter how much evidence you have. You were able to delay them and now your purpose has been fulfilled. Eventually you will fade into the background and they will drop you quicker than the trash. You will be a has been and there will be no one to catch you when you fall Shepard. I will personally enjoy watching that happen."

"How dare you." Kolyat spat darkly gritting his teeth in fury, his patience now gone by how this man was speaking to her. He could see the hardness in her eyes now, felt how her whole aura shut down before him, soulless and empty. The feeling was slight and to the human it probably looked as if she was thinking but Kolyat could smell her rage, taste it like a spicy aroma in the air. He growled loudly now in second warning, focusing Udina's attention right on him. The man smirked cruelly. _Was he trying to force a rise out of them?_

He balled his hands into fists allowing his own seething rage to wash over him, teeth grinding together. He didn't care if this man held a position with the Council, he was about to throttle him. Just as Kolyat took a step forward, Shepard held out her hand to stop him. He hesitated on the verge of appalment but calmed when a sad smile flashed across her face for him.

"Everyone's luck eventually runs out, Shepard. Remember that." Udina's voiced rumbled confidently towards them when Shepard stopped him.

"Yeah, because I'm so lucky with most of the things that have happened to me in my life." Shepard snarled in disdain her hand quickly shooting out to slap the rest of what he held out of his arms upon the floor. She turned around swiftly to push every single piece of paper, file and data pad on the cabinet to scattering across the ground and fly in every direction. She picked up the model ship, glanced at it and tossed it into the trash can before pushing the bonsai tree to shatter upon the carpet. Dirt and rocks sprawling everywhere.

"That's very mature." Udina spoke flatly.

"Now that was on purpose asshole…and it was like that when I got here, for the record."

Darkness flowed over her features, her eyes turning empty and cold. The male sat down slowly adjusting some of the things on his desk, dabbing at the remaining spill.

"You're nothing but a thug, Shepard. You know one day you won't be able to bully your way out of a situation. I wonder what you will plan to do then."

"That's when I start shooting. Let's just say you're lucky I don't have my gun today."

"Well, that's a shame…" Something in the man's eyes flashed maliciously, his scent changing for a split second before disappearing. A gut feeling gripped his stomach like a heavy weight of realization. _It's him. He put the hit out._ Did Shepard realize it too?

"Just leave Shepard, so I can enjoy the rest of my day."

"People like you Udina, are the reason Humans have middle fingers…Fucking prick. Come on lets go." Glancing at Kolyat she tilted her head to indicate for him to follow her.

She left the office without a second glimpse; Kolyat doing his best to stay close behind her, unable to wrap his head around what had just happened. When they were far enough away he whispered to her curiously. The most interesting thing about her encounter with that Human tugging at him in worry.

"You don't have a gun on you?" He whispered in alarm. There was no way she would ever be unarmed would she? She stopped immediately, her sudden halt making him almost barrel into her accidentally. She blinked up at him in surprise, her eyes searching his in such deep fathomed confusion he worried if his question had thrown her off guard.

"What is it?" He asked in concern. Did she just realize something else with that Human perhaps?

"I just spilt coffee and threatened the Council Ambassador; you almost lunged forward to most likely hit him. He could have ruined your whole life and your first thought is my missing gun?"

Kolyat shifted uncomfortably in his stance as the weight of her words registered with him. If Shepard had not indicated for him to stop he most likely would have punched that Human male, one of the most powerful people on the Citadel. He could have really fucked his future. Then again, he doubted she would have let the Human male do anything to him in retaliation, but he didn't want her to know those thoughts had entered his mind.

"I just found it…odd."

"More odd than me causing a paper hurricane in his office?"

"No…for some reason that just seemed like a fitting action for you. A proper alternative instead of an explosion." She smiled at him softly her ease causing his own to flow within him.

"Well…you did say the night was still young." Kolyat scoffed in agreement until Shepard frowned and sighed heavily in anger.

"Shit, I left the speech in his office."

"Do…you want to go back for it?" Kolyat asked in hesitation, not really wishing to go back but would if she needed the data pad.

"Fuck no!" She gasped shaking her head. "Forget it…it probably sucked anyway. I'll think of something. Come on, I still have to make one more stop before we head to the press conference."

Shepard huffed and sucked her teeth in annoyance as she muttered to herself. The sentences sounding like things she could say to reveal the new Cruisers he knew they were here for. She quieted when they reached another large corridor that lead to a huge double set of doors. This time she did not hesitate and walked right in.

This office was double the size of the last with large glass windows and a huge elaborate balcony on the opposite side. It was spacious and well furnished with Alliance flags, medals and a flag from Earth blanketing the furthest wall behind a huge wooden desk. The dark skinned Human male that occupied this office was staring out the far windows, hands clasped behind him in a stance he saw well trained soldiers use. His eyes moved towards them and unlike the last Human his mouth spread into a wide genuine cheerful smile when he saw her.

"Shepard."

"Councilor." She smiled back in delight. Kolyat blinked his inner eyelids rapidly in nervousness. This was the Human Councilor? He hesitated and stayed back but sensed the comfortable atmosphere when Shepard went to him and they shared a gentle hug.

"It's good to see you child."

"You too. You should know I just met with my most favorite person on the Citadel."

"I'm sure he was excited to see you." He chuckled deeply releasing her from their slight embrace ushering her towards the balcony.

"Always. You should tell him to hire a maid though, he's such a slob. You should have seen his office. I don't understand how you put up with that."

Snorting back a light grin Anderson turned towards them slightly as they followed him. His dark eyes looking over Shepard pleasantly before they moved over to him. His face gave nothing away but the deep etched lines and fathomless depths of his gaze, made him recognize the look of a man who had seen the worst. It was a look he had seen flash in Shepard's eyes periodically.

"I would recommend that you try not to ruffle his feathers too much, he is still not happy that you chose me as the Human Councilor." Kolyat blinked again in surprise. He did not know that she had held so much leeway with the rest of the Council to the point of choosing the one who would represent her species.

"Yeah…" Her voice trailed off as she weighed something over in her mind. He wondered if she had already figured out the same conclusion that he had come upon.

"He'll get over it. You just need to remind me why you keep him around. I can always get that changed if you want me to." The weight of her eyes not going unnoticed to either of them.

"Unfortunately, he has his uses. He's the only damn person who knows how to get things done around here. I just try not to ask too much about the political back stabs."

"Just assure me than that you give him a good, one-two when he gets out of line."

"Not recently." The human male chuckled, his deep set eyes running over him in interest. "I didn't know you would be bringing a date."

"Well unfortunately your brand of tall dark and handsome was already taken, so I had to compromise." She replied cheekily tilting her head to indicate for him to come closer. He could feel tension creep into his stomach more profoundly now. The realization that he was standing with the most powerful Human in the galaxy right before him.

"Anderson this is Kolyat Krios. Kolyat, may I present to you the First Human Councilor David Anderson."

"Krios?" He said in piqued curiosity as he extended his hand out in the typical human greeting. Kolyat shook his hand firmly and nodded knowing he was the real reason Kolyat wasn't in prison.

"It is an honor to meet you Councilor. I always wondered if I would get a chance to thank you in person for sponsoring me for C-Sec. You have given me a great opportunity that I will never be able to express how thankful I am to you."

"Glad to have been of assistance, but it is Shepard who you should be thanking. She petitioned on your behalf very passionately. I always trust her judgement. I am glad that you are doing well. My condolences for your father. He was a good man."

"You knew my father?" He blinked slowly. His father had never told him that he knew the Councilor.

"Of course. Every time Shepard came to the Citadel, Sere Krios was in her company."

"I did drag him around a lot." Shepard smiled, her gaze distant. "But he never complained." _No…why would he?_

"So…can you tell me what happened at the meeting last week?" Shepard asked expectantly her face falling in understanding when she saw the deep look of regret in the Human male's eyes.

"I am sorry but there hasn't been much progress in convincing the Council to reinstate your Specter status. We are going to convene again in a few weeks to discuss replenishing the N7 ranks. I want you to know I only plan on sponsoring you." Kolyat didn't know that she was trying to become a Specter again. He was starting to understand that her 'retirement' was not entirely agreed upon by both sides.

"Not Kaiden?" She asked in confusion. The question surprising both men.

"Alenko is a fine soldier but we need you on this. I trust you, Shepard." Anderson dismissed.

"If the Council is…averse to my reinstatement, back Alenko. You can trust Kaiden. He'll get the job done."

Anderson glanced at her and he could see the disapproval in the man's eyes mirroring Kolyat's own thoughts but this wasn't about petty grudges or personal feelings. This was war and the survival of the galaxy if the Reapers did in fact return. His father had told him troublesome stories of some of their exploits and missions regarding the Collectors and Reapers.

"Billions of innocents will die Anderson. You have to back someone. If not me, than who else can be trusted…Back Alenko." Her gaze was distant as she crossed her arms under her elbows, her face empty as if in contemplation.

"I'll will back you." Anderson said sternly. "Alenko will get his Specter status, but I will voice persuasively that you are the reason we are all still alive."

"I'm sure the other Councilor's will like that."

"I don't give a shit what they like."

"Spoken like a true military man." She smiled but the joy did not reach her eyes. Anderson huffed and looked at his omnitool.

"It's almost time. Take a moment to prepare. I will see you out there."

Shepard nodded as Anderson patted Kolyats shoulder before leaving them alone. He stayed quiet as he watched her. He slowly moved towards her, settling in beside her as she stared out the balcony distantly. The lights of the Presidium starting to sparkle brighter as the day setting began changing to night, illuminating sections of darkness that loomed beyond.

They were like that for a while, until he suddenly heard a hitch in her breath as she gasped in a long steady pull of air as if she was trying to calm herself down. _The fuck?_ He watched as her eyes slowly widened, her mouth opening as if she couldn't find her breath. Kolyat felt his own panic well in his chest as her hands started to shake as she tried to clasp them together, rubbing the skin a little too frantically. He had never seen her like this but recognized the mannerisms of a swelling panic attack. He had experienced them himself when he was a child after his mother was killed. Was this normal for her? Did she go through this regularly?

Before Kolyat thought better of it he gently touched the back of her head, his fingers covering the extremely soft tresses for the first time, but he didn't have the opportunity to enjoy the feel of it. She stiffened from his touch, but did not hesitate as he guided her body against his gently, cradling her face against his collar bone. He knew he shouldn't be holding her like this but he couldn't stand there and leave her to her own thoughts. Any distraction was better than none. Even if she shot, slapped or pushed him away again in cruel dismissal.

It felt like an eternity but slowly he felt her relax in his half embrace. Her heavy inhale of air as she buried her nose closer to the crook of his neck as if she was taking his scent into her. He did not crowd her and expected her to pull away but than her hands were on his chest and the pressure of her forehead against his body washed away the uncertainty of his actions.

"Kolyat…" She started almost as if she couldn't find her voice. He heard the shaky turmoil in her throat.

"Shhhh. Just give yourself a moment to clear your mind, but know I am here with you. Just view this as one of my job descriptions if it makes you feel better. I believe in you Shepard, or else I would not be here at all."

He wasn't sure if what he was saying was helping or not but slowly her breaths started to calm and he felt her body relax even more against him. After a few moments she pulled away and looked up at him, a few tears escaping her eyes. Cupping her face gently in his hands he wiped them away with the pads of his thumbs. How beautiful she is, even like this. One of her hands gently went over the back of his upon her face, green eyes shining up at him like bottomless jewels. _Don't force it, let it feel natural_. That's what Emily had said. Releasing her face he smiled and took a step away from her slowly.

"Feel better? Ready to face your adoring public now?"

"It's Udina." Kolyat grinned from her words.

"I got that impression." She didn't need to say anything else. He already had the sinking suspicions that the one who had placed the hit was non other than the Councilors Secretary. How else was it possible that Feron was not able to trace it, if she assured him, he was that good at what he did.

"He can't be touched." She said darkly gaining her composure back.

"Even Gods can be killed Shepard. Don't think about that right now. Let's just get through the Unveiling. I have your back."

She stared at him with deep etched emotion and he waited patiently until she was ready to go. He did not know exactly what kinds of things were on her mind to allow her to slip into the previous moment but he doubted the Councilors Secretary was the real demon she faced.

"Thank you." She said eventually, glancing down in embarrassment but Kolyat refused to allow her to feel that way.

"Don't thank me. This never happened." He said seriously and she nodded in understanding as she turned to leave, once again with him right behind her. Kolyat was even more on alert now as he glanced around. Hesitant to even let her out of his sight for even a moment. He wondered if his father had helped her with her burdens before he passed. He wondered if his death had added to them.

Eventually they reached a large room filled with hundreds of people and they were guided to a large stage by C-Sec officers. Some whom Kolyat recognized. He could just imagine the rumors that would circulate when he returned to the station. Shepard was ushered to the side of the stage hidden from the crowd as Anderson was speaking at the podium. Kolyat took this opportunity to glance through the audience. Looking at the catwalks and even examining some of the C-Sec officers he did not know, making sure to take everything in.

When they called her name, she walked onto the stage with him beside her in a current of applause. Her smile was bright and genuine as she waved and acknowledged a few people by name that she recognized making her way to the podium. Smiling brighter as Anderson passed them and switched places with her. Kolyat stood a little away from her to the side, his eyes roaming over all of the faces in the crowd as she started talking into the mic in greeting.

Her speech was inspirational as she talked about the strength of the Citadel and how proud she was to call it her home, how happy she was that it was a thriving community to symbolize the merging of every species in the galaxy. The curtain behind her falling to reveal a picture of a fleet of new cruisers that were going to be given to Citadel Security. The Eternity Unit they were called.

"This is just a way for the Alliance to gain more power and keep others in line." A Battarian suddenly yelled loudly towards the stage gaining the attention of many people within the room.

"Only if you've been naughty." Shepard joked with a grin making the crowd chuckle or tether in enjoyment. He had to give it to her. She knew how to work a crowd, no wonder so many were enchanted with her.

"Slander and lies." The Battarian shot back. Kolyat noticed Councilor Anderson and a few others start to move forward but Shepard held up her hand to signal for them to stand down.

"It's okay I want to hear what he has to say" She spoke seriously her attention focused solely on him.

"They are Human vessels for Human forces, and you stand here and celebrate the genocide of our race."

"Actually, that is where you are wrong. I am also announcing that these new cruisers are going to be the start of a collaboration between our species. I have personally served with a crew that was filled with the finest soldiers the galaxy could offer. Proof that our lives and future does not rely on a single mindset, but the views of countless experiences and mentalities."

The Battarian blinked his eyes at her in deep animosity. Kolyat could sense the shift in his mood, hear the rumble in his sub vocals unknown by humans of rising ire. A warning that he was on the verge of hostile action. Kolyat unlatched the upper button of his suit jacket as Shepard continued to speak.

"Garrus Vakarian, Turian. Dr. Mordin Solus, Salarian. Thane Krios, Drell. Asari Justicar Samara. My pilot Jeff Moreau, Human. Tali'Zorah Vas Normandy, Quarian and of course my son…Urdnot Grunt, Krogan." _A Krogan son?_ Kolyat glanced at Shepard in surprise for a brief moment before turning his attention back on the Battarian. Was that true? His father or she had never mentioned that. How was that even possible?

"The list can go on I assure you and any one of these individuals I would trust my life with. This isn't about petty differences. This is about the strength we find only when we are united."

"And what about the Bahak system? I notice a Battarian is not on your list. Did your trustworthy crew help you murder hundreds of thousands of innocents?"

"Actually, Battarian Strategist Specialist Bar'ath Ratik has accepted the second in command position on the Eternity 2 vessel. We all are excited to see what he will bring to this budding collaboration. Unfortunately, I did not have the pleasure of working with too many Battarians myself but I am sure this will be the beginning of a great opportunity to unite our species and blow all the stereotypes out of the metaphorical water."

"Being the butcher of Torfan, wouldn't give you many opportunities."

Shepard took a moment to consider the Battarians words as she stood up tall and stared at him in unwavering resolve.

"We were at war, and I am a soldier. Both sides were doing what they were ordered to do and I can tell you on Omega I was the first one to stop the Gozu District plague and distribute the cure to Battarian civilians. I hold no animosity towards your race as a whole."

"That does not justify your butchering with the destruction of the Alpha Relay!"

"I assure you the Alliance is doing everything they can to find out what happened."

The Battarian snarled and Kolyat could hear the till of murder in his voice as he moved closer to Shepard to shield her if needed. He saw a few of the Turian Officers in the crowd starting to move closer signaling to their human and Asari counterparts who couldn't hear the till as they could.

"Had it ever occurred to you that the Normandy could have been replicated by a terrorist organization and acted on its own? The Alliance and Council have released and confirmed that I was on a secret mission at the time, and the real Normandy and I, were not involved in the destruction of the Alpha Relay."

"Lies all of it! The blood of thousands is on your hands! You will pay for the Bahak system!"

Kolyat saw that the agents were right on him as he reached into his jacket pocket at the same moment the Battarian reached into his, but Kolyat was faster. He pulled the gun from his holster and took a clear shot hitting the man right in his shoulder making him drop the gun in alarm and scream in pain. C-Sec was on him now wrestling him to the ground as people in the crowd ducked and yelled in alarm. The scene was chaos and he grabbed Shepard by the arm to guide her away noticing that her own gun was gripped firmly in her palm. _Of course she was ready._

She moved her hand slightly behind her dipping her gun within the folds of her skirt to hide it as he ushered her off the stage and into the safety of the building. Anderson motioning for them to get going. Glancing behind him to assess the situation within the shadows of the stage he saw the situation under control and nodded towards her holstering his gun once again.

"You stole my shot from me." Shepard said darkly towards him, pink lips etched in a deep frown. He blinked at her slowly at the reason for her upset, she acted as if he changed the channel on her favorite show instead of shooting someone. She knew the Battarian was going to attack her.

"You'll get the next one, promise." He quipped.

"That's what all the boys say." She sighed dramatically making Kolyat grin at her as she walked past him following her through the building.

"I guess I wore out my welcome. Do you have to go back or can you escort me home?"

Kolyat tilled in pleasure knowing that she couldn't hear him but pleased non-the-less. He nodded knowing that Bailey would expect him to stay with her and knew the distraction they had just caused would be on everyone's agenda right now.

"I can stay with you." He responded, the dark smile over her lips making him hold his breath from her expression. _The way she looks at me…_

Suddenly he sensed her body grow rigid and her eyes darken as they rounded a corner into a group of five people who seemed to be waiting patiently for them. Two had microphones, another held a video recorder pod, but it was the look in their eyes that caught his attention. The subtle shift in the way they stood there as they approached. One of them smelled like blood, another like leather and the subtle scent of the wafting after smell of heat sinks. These were the bounty hunters.

"Shepard." He whispered in warning, wrapping his hand around her to hide the gun at her side as he carefully leaned into her as if to murmur seductively towards her, hiding his movement as he grabbing the second gun at the base of his back knowing the one in his jacket would be too noticeable.

"I know." She said plainly leaning into him accepting his gesture. A human woman took a step forward to gain their attention.

"Commander Shepard, if I may. I have a few questions in regards to the Battarian that just tried to attack you. Can we please have a statement for the public?"

"Sure I can give you a statement. Reporters don't wear hooker boots and tramp tight pants with hidden compartments for knives. Off the record of course."

The woman smiled viciously and whistled signaling for the rest of the entourage to drop everything they were holding and grab their hidden weapons. Kolyat pushed away from Shepard just as she unleashed her biotics shooting out an intense throw knocking everyone back allowing him to take aim and shoot one of the men in the chest. He rushed forward just as one of the Asari's was gaining her footing and knocked the gun out of her hand and grabbed her by the throat as soon as she tried to take aim.

He heard the gun shots over his shoulder as another human male was taken down by Shepard's bullets and turned quickly to kick another female who tried to rush at him with a knife knocking her into the wall behind him. The Asari he held kneed him in the stomach and he released her just enough to grab one of his hidden knives and spun as she tried to shoot her own biotic energy and plunged the knife into her chest. Kolyat spun around just as the human male leapt at him but Shepard took him down with a few more bullets.

The last human female took a step back her hands held up hesitantly the gun held into the air as if in surrender taking a slow step backwards into the pathway of an open corridor.

"Drop the gun." Kolyat said sternly aiming his own at her steadily.

"I told them we should have never taken the contract for you." The woman bit out spitefully looking at the bodies of her fallen comrades.

"It's too bad for you they didn't listen." Shepard answered ominously, her voice empty and devoid of any sympathy.

"I wish we knew that Battarian was going to attempt his own assassination attempt we could have gotten you while you were focused on him." Something in the woman's eyes flashed and Kolyat had the feeling she was about to attack despite her odds.

"Don't." Kolyat growled in warning and he gripped his gun harder, but the woman didn't listen and as soon as she was about to, leapt to the side to take aim. Another gunshot suddenly erupted and the woman was pushed against the wall beside her. Red splattered the corridor as she fell limply to the ground, her head and hair now matted and caked in blood and open tissue. Evidence of taking a heat sink to the side of the head.

He heard the footsteps lightly approaching fast and he held his gun steady to the oncoming presence. He felt Shepard shift beside him ready for the new threat as well. Both of them easing as soon as Feron's face peaked around the lower corner of the wall to gauge the situation. His head coming into full view and a look of relief taking the place of his serious gaze a moment prior.

"Feron. What are you doing here?" Kolyat said in surprise but gave him a till of appreciation which Feron returned with a grin.

"Arriving thankfully not a moment too late."

"I was wondering if you would make an appearance." Shepard grinned at him lifting up her skirt to tuck her gun away. He wanted to laugh as he holstered his own gun. He had a feeling the holster was at her upper thigh. His attention shifted when he heard a low moan escape one of the humans who was still alive and tried to move away. Feron and he reacted fast and within a second were on the Human male, grabbing him and yanking him up against the wall. The Human grunted in pain from their roughness. Gun shots to the side and leg.

"Who is your contact?" Feron growled uncaringly pointing his gun to the man's head as Kolyats grip adjusted as he pulled the Human male up against the wall higher. His feet dangling off the ground. He felt Shepard's hand on his shoulder than, a silent indication to let him go. Feron quickly palmed the rest of the man's weapons and Kolyat released him cruelly, making the man crumble to the floor in a heap. He was lucky she didn't want him to snap his neck. He would have gladly done that in a heartbeat.

Shepard was upon him in an instant, one hand on his throat the other in the air as biotic energy swirled over her skin. The azure glow making her skin and body look enthrall with all that blue and sapphire hue.

"Tell me the name and I will let you live." She said darkly her eyes hard and bottomless. The terrifying beauty of Commander Shepard.

"I don't know the name." The man sputtered blood pouring from his mouth. "The contract was encrypted and sent through…multiple channels before it…reached us."

"He's telling the truth Shepard." Feron growled in displeasure. "I couldn't trace it either. There were too many hands changed, to many rewrites of data. This contract was sent months ago. The trail is too cold to be traced."

Shepard sucked her teeth and stared down at the man as if trying to decide what to do with him. Yells were heard in the distance and both of their attentions went to Feron.

"Should you be here right now? If C-Sec catches you-" Kolyat started, hearing the familiar shouts of commands and Officers scurrying towards them more distinctively now.

"Trust me, I have the proper security clearance." He said confidently. Kolyat could only nod in acceptance and turn to Shepard.

"What do you want to do with him?"

He could see the coldness in her eyes, the intent to kill clearly across her face but she only sighed and stood instead, motioning her chin towards Kolyat. He took the que automatically and roughly pushed the guy onto his stomach jamming his knee into his back to hold him down as he started to struggle. He was securing the cuffs around his wrists just as Bailey rounded the corner followed by several Officers.

"Jesus Christ." He cursed looking at the scene, motioning for the rest of the Officers to start doing their job and survey the area as he approached them.

"Is this all of them?" Bailey asked Kolyat as two Officers took over for him allowing him to go back to Shepard.

"No one was able to get away." Kolyat spoke darkly glancing at Feron.

"Who is this?" Bailey asked, his eyes narrowing as he glanced at the other Drell. Feron reached into his pocket and held up an ID chip. Most likely a fabricated identity but if looked up, everything would probably match with no loop holes. _Fuck, this guy is good._

"Feron Ferai. Hanar Special Forces. I'm a friend of Shepard's."

"He's one of mine Bailey." Shepard voiced sternly leaving no room for argument. Kolyat was relieved that Feron would at least not be taken into custody now. After a quick recount of what happened with the Bounty Hunters. Bailey sighed and touched his shoulder in content.

"You did good kid."

"Better than good. You should give him a raise." Shepard smiled at Bailey genuinely.

"Be that as it may, I need you to come with me Kolyat. That Battarian we picked up earlier was part of a terrorist organization. I need you to run some info for me and I have a lot of paper work with your name on it back at the station."

"I…understand. Just give me a moment." He nodded acceptingly knowing that there was never a shortage of paper work to drown under at the station. When Bailey walked away he spoke gently towards Shepard.

"Are you okay for me to go? If you still need me, I don't want to leave your side unless-"

"I'm fine Kolyat. I don't think there will be any more attempts on my life, at least right now. Thank you…you really did well today. I appreciate it." The look in her eyes made him hesitate, he really didn't want to leave her.

"I'll stay with her." Feron spoke up approaching them slowly. Without thinking Kolyat let out an instinctual warning till of possession towards the other male but coughed and cut it off as he realized what he did, surprising even himself. He knew Shepard didn't hear it and thankfully Feron didn't say or indicate anything back, probably noticing his sudden embarrassment from his visceral noise. _Shit, why did I do that?_

He swallowed roughly knowing he could do nothing but nod his approval to Feron now before making his way over to Bailey who ushered for him to follow after him. _Fuck…_ _ **why**_ _did I do that?_ Hesitantly Kolyat glanced at the two of them one last time before rounding the corner. He looked at the patterns over Feron's scales, the multiple hues and colors attractive to Drells and most likely Humans a like. He saw her eyes light up as he started to speak to her and he couldn't stop the heavy sinking feeling from taking root in his stomach like a heavy weight of apprehension. _Shit…this isn't good._


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

It had been so long since she had seen him last. Standing before her in the flesh and not on the other side of a computer screen. Almost six months if she recalled right. He was tall, like most Drell, although Kolyat was the tallest, Feron's scales were the most colorful she had ever seen. Multiple hues of dark green to light, yellows and golds that change to reds and blue's. His ribbing was blended into dark blue and disappeared beneath his black and dark red leathers. Was the rest of him dark blue, or did the patterns change again?

She walked over to him slowly. The shifting material of her abundant skirts the only sounds in the silence. He glanced at her and smiled before turning back to examine her large collection of model ships. The small replica's sitting upon softly lighted display shelves that took up the outer wall of her kitchen area and curved around into the hallway. His hazel eyes flashed in the light, kindness and care as he regarded her approach.

"You're collection is quite impressive. You have a lot of rare models here."

"It's a guilty pleasure. I picked it up on the SR2. I needed something to do with my hands and eventually it became a hobby."

"I guess that was before Thane gave you things to do with your hands I take it?" he grinned devilishly, hazel eyes flashing towards her again. Shepard shook her head unable to hide her own smile. That was the beauty of Feron. No matter what he said she was comfortable with him, less guarded. He had risked his life for her without ever even meeting her or working for her. People like that who became friends were the rarest and the most loyal that could ever be found. He was also the only one who would ever mention Thane to her. Everyone else that knew him, tipped toed around the subject. Although Kolyat was starting to open up more about it, but she figured it was for a different reason. Part of him was still hurting too.

"Now that we're alone, I wanted to ask you if everything was okay. You sounded really tense the other day."

"I was…but you gave me a good distraction to take my mind off things."

"You gave me a good distraction too. I came really hard that night thinking about you."

Feron hummed in delight as she reached him and ran her hand up his back. The smooth cool texture of the leather allowing her to glide her palm around to his waist easily and rest her forehead against his back. His hand went over the back of hers softly. She could feel the outline of the fingerless leather gloves and the cool scales of his digits gently run over the back of her hand as if he was testing the feel of her. She could feel his body relax against her, the rumble of his double tremored voice as he spoke.

"Perhaps it's better that you picked up on it. You are the only other person I care enough about to know."

"Know what?"

He took a deep breath and sighed turning in her hold, taking her hand on his waist to hold it lightly between them. His other slowly grasping a strand of her hair to feel it between his thumb and middle fingers, testing the texture of it. Was this the first time he had ever felt a Human's hair? A sad smile reached his lips before his eyes sought hers once again.

"This is going to be my last mission as an Information Trader. When my business is concluded with Bailey's family, I will no longer be an agent for the Shadow Broker…I already cleared out my belongings on Liara's ship."

Shepard blinked in surprise unable to contain her shock. This was so sudden. She knew she had first met Feron over two years ago when he wasn't sure what he wanted to do. Then again she had saved him from two years of constant torture. He needed time to heal, mentally and physically, but honestly she thought he would have just continued working for Liara. What had changed?

"You look really surprised."

"I am…I mean, not really…I mean…wow?" Feron chuckled gently from her expression his fingertips caressing the curve of her throat to the necklace around her. She had to fight a shiver from over taking her from his touch.

"What are you planning to do now?"

"I'm not sure yet…should I be timid and say, that all depends on you?" He cupped her chin in his hand and smiled but she could see the playfulness in his double blink and she returned his grin. He knew she had caught him in his bullshit.

"Feron." She said his name warningly. He snickered lightly and dropped his hand from her.

"I'm really not sure but I kind of like that feeling. It feels…"

"Freeing?" She finished for him and he looked away in contemplation to nod.

"Freeing…and good. I need this."

"Do you know if you're going to at least stay on the Citadel for a while?"

"Do you want me to stay?"

"Don't make this about me Feron. I won't do that to you."

He stared at her seriously now all pretense of jokes aside. She had always wondered if this was the real him. If the smiles and anecdotes were a façade or if they were just honest parts of his personality. She knew she was guilty of putting on the mask of Commander Shepard for the majority of her days. She just hoped that he would be honest with her, no matter what she might have wished for or wanted to possibly happen between them. She cared about him too much as a friend, she would kill for him, and she would die for him too.

"I care about you…" He started.

"I know Feron." She said gently watching as he swallowed roughly to glance away.

"…But I need to take some time to myself. Be alone for a little while. Travel. See things…I spent two years of my life strapped to that chair…and then I stayed with Liara out of loyalty."

"You sound almost resentful. You wanted to help your friend. There was nothing wrong with that."

Feron took a deep breath and steadily met her gaze, deep red hues revealing themselves under his dark blue ribbing, a quick double flick of his inner eyelids. If she hadn't spent so much time learning every one of Thane's gestures she would have never guessed that he was trying to hide his thoughts from her. She had too much experience already from being with the most guarded man in the galaxy.

"I gave you the wrong idea. When it became time, I sacrificed myself so Liara could escape with you. I knew no matter what, I couldn't allow you to fall into Collector hands. I accepted my fate, my death. Even after…"

Shepard placed her hand on his chest, her fingers brushing against the warm dull metal of his Hikari. The movement making him focus on her enough to avoid solipsism.

"I should have accepted working for Cerberus when I had the chance. I could have been at your side when-"

"Don't think about that. You're here…and I'm alive because of you. There's no use thinking about what could have been." Her hand was on his ribbing now, caressing the delicate dark blue folds. Her fingers moved down his throat, knowing exactly what kind of pressure and where to touch that would feel good for him. He sighed and closed his eyes a soft growl releasing from his throat willingly.

"I needed time to heal…work distracted me. I enjoyed your visits…it gave me something to look forward to and focus on until things became easier. Besides, Liara needed time to adjust to her new positon and I knew all the ins and outs of the Brokers work. I was obligated to help her. I owed it to Liara…I will never stop owing her; owing you for what you did to save me."

"You don't owe me anything Feron. That's not what friendship is about." Feron sighed and looked away one of his hands dropping down to the curve of her waist.

"It's hard to see that from where I am now. The lines are too muddled. Everyone wants something Shepard. Secrets, lies, betrayals, just everyday events which I am no stranger to myself…I'm tired of it…all of it. I just…"

"I understand." And she did…she truly did. Knew exactly what it felt like to feel as if you just couldn't take anymore. Almost as if you wanted to give up. Like the world was surrounding you in darkness and all you could do was drown in the abyss, no matter how much you tried to fight against the current.

"You're right. Everyone always wants something. No one is safe from desire. It's always there and if anyone ever says differently, they're lying." Something in his expression changed as his rosy lips spread into a roguish grin. His eyes dilating in bright shades of olive swirled with golden specks.

"Well, I'm definitely guilty of that right now."

Shepard smiled almost shyly at the prospect of being with him and how calm he was making her. Feron caressed her cheek, a feather light sweep of scales across her jaw. She met his eyes and turned slightly to kiss the tip of his fused finger watching as the devilish grin changed into a gentle smile before she took a step away from him.

"Do you want a drink?" She asked stepping back slowly, her fingers trailing over his until they weren't able to touch any longer. Her fingers still reaching for him flirtingly. She gave him a coy smile in hopes of letting him know that she wanted him to follow her.

"I could use one."

"I don't have any Sha'kir but I have a white wine that is similar." She spoke over her shoulder as she made her way to the bar, turning over two wine glasses and grabbing a bottle in the back before pouring them both a half a glass. She picked them up and turned only to gasp and jump in alarm when Feron was right behind her smiling down at her.

"You know I use to threaten Thane about putting a bell around his neck so I would hear him." She said heatedly, a light chuckle erupting from his throat.

"Forgive me. I thought you heard me."

His tone was light as he stared into her eyes thoughtfully, the different hues captivating her as they shimmered in the artificial moonlight. Slowly he grabbed both glasses from her hands and placed them back upon the bar before trailing his hand up her arm. The feel of his skin against hers forcing goosebumps to pucker against her flesh in anticipation.

"How long has it been since you've taken a male?"

"No one since Thane." She said a little too breathily watching his face take on serious reflection.

"I'll be gentle then."

"I'm not going to break Feron. Besides you were incredible the other night when I thought about you.

"And I you, but now you have me nervous. If I don't meet your expectations I can't blame it on an awkward interspecies relationship because you are familiar with Drell's."

"Don't worry. I promise I only kept you on your knees stroking yourself."

Feron growled in excitement now, his hands wrapping around her waist as he pulled her against him. She heard the sharp intake of breath as he smelled her deeply. A purr of contentment leaving his lips.

"You know, I always wanted to ask if that was a Drell thing."

"If what was a Drell thing?" He murmured against her throat, his lips trailing a path over the curve as his hand skimmed up the back of her neck to bury his fingers into her loosely tied hair.

"Smelling someone's neck. Thane did that." _And Kolyat did it too._ "Since you just did it, I'm starting to think it might be an instinct thing?" She heard Feron chuckle deeply, his soft double tremored voice vibrating underneath her hands on his chest. His own increasing the pressure over her neckline to give him better access to her throat.

"You wouldn't eat something that didn't smell appetizing would you?" He kissed her collarbone, trailing kiss after feather light kiss along the line of her neck. Her breath catching in her throat just as he reached her ear. His lips brushing over it gently as he whispered.

"I don't have to tell you that our necks are one of our most sensitive areas, but Drell's produce an aroma when aroused. It lets us know through smell if they are a good match. I would never put my lips on something that didn't entice me."

Feron bit her neck and licked her than. The Drell gesture to let her know that he accepted her as an intimate partner. She could feel her stomach growing tight, her own hands trailing up his chest beneath his jacket, feeling the holster for his guns, her fingers brushing over the hilt of a knife.

"Do I smell good then?" She asked huskily turning her face towards him to meet his eyes, the light green hue of his irises flashing silver for a moment in the light. He grinned at her wickedly, his hand dipping to the curve of her lower back.

"Good enough to eat."

His lips found hers and she tilted her head back willingly to allow him to deepen the kiss if he desired. He took his time, exploring the curve of her mouth, his leather smooth lips warm and perfectly full against hers. He explored the pressure and strength of her mouth, the movements and dips of her lips until their kisses turned frantic and more passionate.

She felt his fingers tangle in her hair more completely now, the edges of his fingerless gloves gliding over her tresses, his digits massaging her scalp until he bunched it beneath his palm and tugged roughly almost to the point of pain. A moan escaped her mouth from his roughness but not undesired as the angle allowed him to brush his tongue heavily against hers.

He pushed in deeply, the course texture familiar yet new, the taste of him different than anything she had experienced before. _I guess all the men have different tastes too._ Unlike Thane or Kolyat, Feron had a gentle sweetness to him, a delicate yet heady tanginess to his tongue that was pleasing yet alien. She heard his guttural till of approval as he wrapped both his arms harder around her and held her flush against his body, feeling the weight of his arousal brush against her.

"You smell incredible…and the taste of your skin…" He pulled away and bent down to lick her neck again more fully. The large flat span of his tongue and the rough texture sending waves of need to course through her veins. She knew it was going to be good with him, she knew she needed this to get her mind off of other things…of another Drell. He bit her again a little harder this time and the shock of pleasure made her gasp against his touch.

Kolyat's face suddenly flashed in her mind and she hesitated at the intensity of it. ' _I know I pushed you when you weren't ready. I understand…I need to take things slower with you.'_ What the hell did he mean by that? Was it possible that he was actually being serious with her? Did he genuinely want something between them? ' _Just give yourself a moment to clear your mind, but know I am here with you… I believe in you Shepard, or else I would not be here at all.'_ She didn't know how to react to him at the time, his care so unexpected.

She knew her panic attacks were starting to get worse, slipping into her daily life more often. She was barely able to get a decent night's sleep anymore without waking up in terror. She didn't even know what triggered it, perhaps the thought of being unable to do anything when the reapers came. The thought of being forced into inaction when she knew she had the resolve to see the fight through. Suddenly the horizon started to burn in her vision, thoughts of the Citadel destroyed and crumbling, bodies littering the streets had taken over her mind and suddenly she was unable to move. She had been lost for a moment, even forgetting that Kolyat was right beside her.

She had felt something touch her in the midst of being lost, and she had frozen ready to grab her gun from its holster in alarm but the scent had pulled her through. A pungent, woodsy yet spiced scent upon the air. When Kolyat guided her against him it was the warmth of his body and the smell of his skin that slowly brought her back to herself. Did he even realize that his scent had changed in that moment?

It had happened to Thane on occasion too. The first, when she had a moment of utter despair. The time when she had returned from gathering the dog tags of her fallen companions upon the SR1. When he held her, his scent turned dark and spicy, which she later found out from Mordin was a scent mark of protection. An instinctual subconscious aroma that Drells produced when they were drawn to another and were willing to defend someone until death, and it usually only happened when they wanted to bind themselves to the other. _Holy shit…is that what was happening with Kolyat? No…they shouldn't…but…_

Another low growl from Feron's throat brought her back to herself and the task at hand. Forcing her uneasy thoughts of Kolyat away she pushed on Feron's shoulders gently, who obliged immediately and pulled away. She could see it in his eyes now, the sudden thought that she had changed her mind and wanted to stop.

Shepard smiled at him in reassurance kissing his lips chastely as she guided him back towards the sitting area. When the back of his legs touched the couch she pushed him down roughly leaving him to stare up at her expectantly, his eyes running over her in eagerness. The double flicked of his inner eyelids the only indication of his slight hesitation. He was one of the last people she ever wanted to make feel unwanted.

Ever so slowly she undid the pins in her hair, letting it fall and cascade around her shoulders haphazardly before reaching for the lace straps of her dress pushing it from her shoulders. Carefully she peeled the tight material of her dress down, the darkness of his ebony depths devouring his irises as he watched her skin slowly reveal itself with bottomless hunger. The look of desire in his gaze making her shiver as she pooled the fabric down her torso and past her legs to lay in a heap upon the floor. Unhooking the leather harness she pulled the gun free from the confines of her upper thigh placing them both upon the pile of her dress, until she stood in nothing but her high heels and sapphire lace bra with matching thong.

"Do you at least like what you see?" She asked confidently watching as he swallowed roughly, his throat vibrating a sound she couldn't hear but knew it was a sound of arousal.

"Very much so." He answered with guttural delight.

She grinned and straddled him quickly, one hand caressing his frills, the other wrapping around his neck to lightly scratch the ridges at the back of his head, knowing that both spots touched together would make him lose himself. She kissed him deeply, feeling the groans of satisfaction rumble against her tongue. That sweet taste filling her mouth. Would his venom taste the same?

"I am not going to lie. I made sure to do some research and watch a few vids before coming to see you. I wanted to make sure I gave you pleasure. Just in case this scenario presented itself." Feron pulled on the straps of her bra, his lips pulling away to follow the trail of lace falling upon her shoulder.

"Just a few?" She teased, grinding her hips against his incredibly hardened erection, releasing a soft pleasurable growl from his lips.

"Okay…more than a few." He admitted in embarrassment, the blue ribbing of his neck taking on a slight red hue beneath.

"You don't have to be embarrassed. I'm happy that you want to please me. Did you learn anything educational?" Shepard tilted his head to look up at her. Her nails scraping down the back of his ridges making him shudder once more in yearning. She felt his fingertips gliding over the edges of the material for her bra, slowly peeling it down to reveal a breast. His eyes were on hers as she watched him lick his lips in eagerness.

"I learned that your breasts are more sensitive than an Asari's and you did say that you would like it when they're touched." He cupped his hand over the naked mound of her breast, exploring the weight and feel of it. His forefinger and thumb teasing her nipple as he rolled it gently between his fingers, testing the pressure and her reactions.

Shepard sighed and moaned quietly, his lips going back to her neck to nip at her skin, trailing down slowly to the swell of her and to the hardened peak that begged for his attention. She arched her back, silently encouraging his touch as he increased the pressure of his tongue, lapping at her languidly, pulling the small puckered flesh into his mouth to swirl his tongue and suck her gently. He acted as if he had all the time in the universe, torturing her deliberately before moving on to her other breast. Eventually his hands skimmed over her back to the material of the bra, unhooking it and letting it fall from her body. _He did say he had been with Asari's, the man can work a bra that's for sure._

"Your skin feels incredible, I've never touched anything so soft…so warm…and your mouth-"

He sank a hand into her hair again pulling her lips back down to his, claiming her mouth once more. She kissed him hard, dipping her hand between them to caress and palm the strain beneath his leathers. She could feel the heat and thick weight of him waiting for her right below the smooth texture of his pants.

Feron moaned into her, deep sounds of approval urging her on. Shifting on his lap she increased the pressure and grinded her hips against his roughly, forcing him to pull away and hiss in delight. Shepard took that opportunity to nip and lick his neck, her tongue teasing and running over the dark blue folds and ribbing, knowing exactly which areas were more sensitive than the rest. His breathing picked up speed as his hands dropped down her sides and hips to the swell of her ass, grabbing it in his large hands.

His tender flesh began engorging under her administrations, a low till rising when he tilted his head back to allow her more access, instincts taking over. Her hands trailed down his chest over the buckles and straps, her fingers dipping below the hem of his shirt pulling it up to touch the hard muscles of his stomach, the smooth leathery skin beneath.

"I'm starting to feel as if you're overdressed." She chided licking him one more time, already starting to see a difference in her vision as his venom started to make its way through her system.

"You still have on better shoes than me. That has to count for something."

"I can leave them on if you want." She smirked kissing him, biting his bottom lip gently and giving it a light lick.

"Fuck…" He moaned shuddering as she ground her hips against him once again. "Tell me where your room is."

"Down the hall, second door on the right."

Feron growled louder in excitement, altering his hold on her as he lifted her up and stood effortlessly, adjusting her legs around his waist more securely. She still couldn't get over how strong Drells were. He held her with no strain, his lips touching hers roughly as he walked through the apartment and down the hall. Once he found the master bedroom he quickly moved towards the far end and deposited her in front of the floor to ceiling glass doors and windows of her balcony. Giving her a look of deep longing he licked his lips and backed away, allowing his eyes a chance to roam over her body.

"Are you just planning to stare at me?" She grinned cheekily crossing her arms below her breasts haughtily making him grin back at her in wicked delight.

"Hell no…take off your underwear and give me a moment. I want to see you." She smirked once again willing to give into his demand and hooked her thumbs over the thin material at her sides and slowly down her hips. She met his eyes, sluggishly guiding the lace down her legs before kicking it away. Staring at him in half hooded desire, her fingers dancing almost teasingly over her skin beckoning him to touch her.

"Do you want me to take off my heels?"

"Keep them on for now." He swallowed roughly releasing a heavy breath. The green of his eyes vibrant enough to see in the darkness of the room. She was pleased with how turned on he was by her. She knew by the way he was looking at her, that he was taking everything in for later use. She was going to make sure he really enjoyed that solipsism.

"I showed you mine, now show me yours. You don't have to leave on your boots."

Feron chuckled throatily and licked his lips again, quickly yanking off his jacket to toss it onto a chair beside him. He was quick as he removed his weapons, unlatching the buckles of his vest, peeling his shirt over his head and kicking off his boots. He watched her expression intensely as his hands made their way to the buckles of his pants.

She stared at his skin, her eyes wandering from the dark blue of his chest that gave way to a vast spread of vibrant colors and patterns of stripes across his stomach and hips. He dropped his pants to the floor freeing himself, his member reaching for her eagerly. The dark blue frills on the bottom of his shaft already engorged and ready. She could see the shimmer of his natural lubrication coating him, more than prepared to take her.

"Gods Shepard, do you realize how beautiful you are? How many would kill to get a chance with you? How many would gladly get on their knees?"

"Are you one of them?" She asked unable to breath, her voice deep and heady, almost unrecognizable. He smiled at her wickedly, running a hand over his hardened erection enjoying her reaction as she watched him. He stroked himself slowly, his fingerless leather gloves gliding over the thick colorful ridges, his scales shimmering in rainbow hues as he moved. _God, all those colors. How beautiful._

"Feron…" She moaned wanting to touch him, his expression changing in intensity when he saw how much she desired him, smelling the air before him. Did her scent suddenly change?

"Don't worry Shep. I'm about to be." His voice rumbled darkly. Making his way over to her in three quick strides he dropped to his knees before her. Without hesitation he grabbed her leg and hoisted it over his shoulder, making her lean back on the glass of the window. The cool surface shocking against her heated flesh making her gasp.

His mouth was on her then, his fingers spreading her as his tongue immediately dipped within the cavern of her heat. The course texture of his tongue brushing over her clit making her arch her back and moan in ecstasy. _I guess he really did do his homework._ Feron lapped at her hungrily his till of approval vibrating in his throat, sending pleasurable tremors throughout her body. She lost herself to the pleasure, starting to move her hips to his strokes, urging him on, and he was happy to oblige.

All too soon she could feel the pressure building in her lower stomach, her body quivering as her release was starting to form within her grasp. His venom completely overtaking her, making her want to beg him for anything he could give her now.

"Feron…Feron, I'm getting close." She whispered almost pleading for him not to stop but wanting to know what it would feel like with him inside her. He pulled his lips away and stared up at her with a wide grin, licking over the tender flesh of her inner thigh as he moved.

"I couldn't stop myself. I don't think the vids prepared me for how good you would taste."

He stood up fluidly, keeping her leg hoisted in his grasp to wrap around his waist. Her hands automatically going to his shoulders to steady herself. His tall lean stature already making her struggle, forcing her to the edges of her tippy toes. _I see why he wanted me to keep on the heels._

He grasped himself in his hand, rubbing the sensitive frilled head against her entrance preparing them both for his intrusion. The silky lubrication of his member gliding easily against her overly moistened heat. Her breath hitched in her throat from anticipation as the large tip of him pushed past her outer folds slowly. His eyes were scorching as he studied her expression, torturously moving one ridge at a time until he was almost completely buried inside her.

Feron closed his eyes for a moment puffing his cheeks as if to calm himself as his breathing changed in intensity. Adjusting his hold on her more comfortably, he pulled himself out slightly testing the feel of her before pushing back in with moderation. A soft groan leaving his lips as his eyes met hers once again.

"Gods…you feel amazing." He shuddered, taking one more deep breath before his gaze changed into consideration. "Now tell me…do you want it hard…soft…or somewhere in between?"

Shepard smiled and kissed his lips, her tongue caressing his teasingly before she bit his bottom lip and trailed herself across his cheeks and neck. Shifting her own weight in his grasp, she pulled her other leg up and wrapped it around him tightly, making him adjust his hold again and wedge her between himself and the glass. Feron's movement made him plunge inside her deeply, forcing a loud moan to escape both of them as he brought one of his hands up to rest on the window as if to steady himself. His expression now strained as he fought against the overwhelming sensation.

"Holy shit. I didn't know Humans felt this good."

"You feel amazing too, but I thought you said I was supposed to enjoy the ride?" She smirked cheekily, kissing him once more. Her tongue sought his and he opened for her willingly, his till loud and full of need, letting her taste herself completely in his mouth. The thought of it urging her towards the point of frenzy, pulling him closer to her but frustrated that she could not control anything from this position. As if sensing her irritation Feron mumbled into her mouth between kisses.

"Don't worry. Let me take care of you."

He surged himself into her then, starting a steady rhythm that began turning her into a mess of sensation and pleasure, all coherent thoughts leaving her. The feeling of him inside her, so good and exactly what she needed. His mouth was on her throat now, licking and nipping her as her fingers wrapped around the back of his neck and head, teasing the sensitive skin beneath his head fringe feeling the soft leathery skin beneath her palms. She had almost forgotten how good being with a Drell felt. The strength of their bodies, the texture of their skin, their smells. _Would Kolyat feel this good too?_

Shepard gasped in alarm her eyes flying open as she pushed her head back against the glass, her reaction alarming Feron for a moment.

"Are you okay?" He asked in worry, the sincerity in his eyes making her chest swell in regret for suddenly thinking about Kolyat while she was with him.

"I'm good. You just hit a spot that was overwhelming." Smiling gently she kissed him again doing her best to assure him that she was okay and it was nothing that he did.

"Don't stop Feron. You have no idea how incredible you feel. I want to know what you sound like when you cum inside me."

"Sweet Arashu." He breathed in awe his lips going back to hers as she felt his hand slip between them. His thumb finding the bundle of nerves rubbing it gently. Shepard jerked in pleasure from the sensation, moaning incoherently as her breaths picked up speed as he continued moving within her.

"There we go. That's what I want to hear." He smirked, caressing her a little harder as his movements picked up speed, making her bite her lip as she whimpered in ecstasy forcing her to the edge.

"More, almost there." She begged him as he rotated his hips and pumped into her more jaggedly. The angle brushing that spot inside her that made her see white as her body lost itself and she fell into the current. She gasped and cried out her orgasm, her whole body tightening and spasming as wave after wave poured over her and around Feron. She heard him curse, grunt and hesitate as the torrents wracked her brain not wishing for him to falter in this moment.

"Don't stop, please don't stop. Cum for me Feron."

He caught himself as his grip on her tightened and he plunged into her a few more times, the till of his edge vibrating in his throat until he was gasping and shuddering, groaning his release. He kissed her deeply, his tongue sweeping against hers in dominant claim. His hand moving up between them to caress her stomach and knead her breast until his own waves subsided. Eventually he moved his mouth away from hers and rested his forehead in the crook of her neck, kissing her pulse lightly. His hot breaths sending new goosebumps to pucker over her cooling flesh.

"Sorry, I didn't expect that."

"What? How hard you made me cum? I promise it was much better than what I imagined." She smirked, being rewarded with a delighted hum as Feron kissed her gently. A soft sweep of lips and contentment. "Did you at least enjoy it?"

Feron looked at her and smiled as she felt him jump inside her, letting her know how hard and ready he still was for her. She laughed softly as he adjusted his hold and carried her to the bed, trailing feather light kisses over her lips and cheeks. He placed her down on the soft sheets, his hands roaming over her body and down her legs, removing the heels from her feet. Sitting up on her elbows she stared at the vast array of colors and hues over his skin, too many to even decipher.

Adjusting herself upon the bed she moved to allow him enough room to slide over her, covering her body with his. Feron stared down at her in delight, one of his hands running through her hair while his mouth moved over her neck and chest sucking on her skin.

"I am not sure if Humans are able to continue, or if you need time to rest." He murmured, sucking a nipple into his mouth, his coarse tongue circling her budded peak, his hands trailing over her hips and stomach. Shepard sighed into his touch, her body responding to him willingly once again.

"Some humans aren't, but I'm good for a few more rounds. The perks of being with a Drell before." Feron made a pleasurable sound against her skin, nipping at the nub of nerves hungrily. She felt him shift between her legs, his hands wrapping around the tender flesh of her thighs to spread her.

He pulled away to look down at her, his hazel gaze sweeping over her body, gentle happiness and male satisfaction blazing against her as he drank her in with his gaze. Shepard caressed the frills on his cheek, her fingertips stroking the lines of the ribbing allowing another shiver to pass over him. He turned his head groaning from her touch, giving himself a moment of bliss before his dark eyes met hers again in wicked burning.

"Let's make this a night we both remember, shall we?" He chuckled and slowly entered her once more.

* * *

It was a few hours later and she laid their quietly resting her head on Feron's arm. His body laying against the line of hers, his fingers softly trailing over her side and hips attentively back and forth.

"I think I was better prepared the second time." He kissed her shoulder and she giggled throatily, her voice a little hoarse. Feron's own was deeper and rumbled as he spoke.

"You did well the third time too."

"And the fourth I imagine." He kissed her shoulder once more resting his cheek on her arm, his hand gently wrapping around her stomach to rest on her skin his fingertips caressing her flesh soothingly.

"Can I ask you something?"

"I think we are past the point of shyness." Feron chided, which she agreed upon with her own quiet chuckle.

"How is it when Drell females orgasm? Is it different?"

"I hate to admit it but I think you might have just ruined me into taking another female of my species."

"Don't say that." She slapped the top of his hand playfully as he laughed. Still wondering why he never took his gloves off.

"The reason I hesitated the first time was because when our females reach their peak their bodies send out a vibration that force our orgasm from us, even if we are not ready."

"That sounds…painful." Shepard grimaced trying to picture how it might feel if she wasn't enjoying herself and was forced to cum without pleasure.

"It can be if the female does not care about the male finding pleasure and only release…when you reached your pinnacle I was expecting the same."

"But you came shortly after."

"That's because I was already in full enjoyment. I liked that I was able to find my release at my pace, but when your body clamped down on me urging me to finish, all that heat and moisture beckoning me to completion, and your scent…I think I like with your species that it is a joint effort. It's not only about the male pleasing the female but vice versa."

"You make it sound like your females are tyrants." She said dryly making him chuckle in amusement.

"Not at all. Many females are not so cruel to have the male give pleasure without receiving, but I'm sure that applies to your species as well. With Humans at least, I think it would be much harsher now that I think about it."

"Actually it goes with the men. Human men don't have as many erogenous zones as Drells and it is extremely more likely that the man will reach orgasm before the woman and not be able to finish her."

"Maybe that is why you prefer Drells? You seemed to thoroughly enjoy it." She slapped him again lightheartedly turning on her back to look up at him. Her hand trailing over his shoulder caressing the smooth dark scales, seeing scars she didn't notice before as her vision started clearing from the potency of his venom.

"I'm a little surprised you never asked these questions before when you were with Thane."

"I was curious but it never crossed my mind enough to ask. I just wanted to enjoy the time we had together."

"But you were with a Human before him. Did he not bring you pleasure?"

"Why do I have the feeling there is nothing about me that you don't already know." Her voice dripped suspiciously. Feron purred and kissed her neck again pulling her against him firmly as his hand brushed against her nipple squeezing her breast in his hand.

"I wonder now." He hummed against her, giving her a long steady lick before pulling away to grin down at her, another shiver of need running over her.

"I didn't know the sounds that you would make when you came. How your body would feel squeezing mine…the taste of your tongue." She gasped from the seriousness of his stare, kissing her deeply before pulling away again.

"You're not fair."

"Agents of the Shadow Broker never are."

"But you won't be one much longer." Feron ran his fingertips gently between her breasts making small circles over her ribs and stomach. His gaze was far away as if deep in thought. "Are you going to regret it?"

"No." He said immediately without thought. "I have already made my decision. The money was good, even better with Liara, and there was little risk but…"

"But?"

Shepard sat up and trailed her fingers over his throat, guiding his gaze up towards her patiently. His face seemed so haunted and full of pain. She wished there was something she could do to chase his ghosts away. Heavens knew she had plenty of her own to contend with.

"I don't like who I became." He said seriously.

"So change."

"It's not easy." Feron scoffed rubbing his hand over his head ridges sighing heavily as he guided himself up to sit with her.

"No one said it was. You just have to have the will to see it through. But you should know…even if you didn't like who you were….if you weren't, then I would still be dead, or in the hands of the Collectors. I will forever be grateful to you ** _._** "

"And Liara." He said halfheartedly.

" ** _You._** " She insisted grabbing his chin to look at her before she let go. Feron smiled sadly and looked away again, his hand grasping hers lightly in his as his thoughts overtook him again. His fingertips skittering across the inside of her open hands to feel the smooth scales glide over her soft skin.

"I guess if I'm going to keep a single friend, it's only fitting that I choose the strongest woman in the galaxy and the vast network of resources at her disposal."

"A single friend? Did something happen between you and Liara?" Feron sighed again almost guiltily.

"We…had a fight. I don't really want to talk about it right now. It'll be a mood killer." He smiled thinly.

Shepard nodded in understanding even though a thousand questions surfaced in her mind. What did they fight about? Was she mad he was leaving? Was it the reason he was leaving? Oh shit, was it about her? Did Liara see the strip tease on a stolen transmission and get pissed? Fuck…she had asked Feron how he felt about Liara but she had forgotten to ask Liara how she felt about him. _Stop being so full of yourself, it can't possibly be about you. It has to be a different reason._

"Come back to me Shepard." Feron murmured brushing her hair off her shoulder to cup her cheek in his hand.

"Sorry. I'm not going to lie, I'm curious, but I respect your privacy."

"I'll tell you at another time, just not right now." His eyes were kind and full of warmth but distant and sorrowful. Did he even realize how he looked? Was he lonely?

"Well, what about Kolyat?" She asked quietly. _Why did you suddenly bring him into this?_ Feron's attention snapped back to hers completely, a wide grin spreading over his lips as he tilted his head to the side thoughtfully.

"What about Kolyat?"

"Well…you said you want to start over, right? I mean the two of you could-"

"He is very attractive but I don't think he's interested in ** _me_**."

"That's not what I meant." She stated flatly. "It just seemed like the two of you were hitting it off. If you're trying to start a new life with new friends. I would recommend Kolyat. He's still trying to start over too." She had a feeling that the two of them could really become close if they gave it a shot.

"We've spoken briefly a few times since you've introduced us…but I have a feeling that might change now."

"How come?" She asked in confusion. Feron's expression darkened as he studied her face, searching her expression for something that she wasn't quite sure what it was, until he sighed and shook his head.

"You really don't see it do you? You didn't hear his till?

"Till? Did he do a subharmonic thing I couldn't hear?" She asked trying to search her memory for anything in his behavior that seemed off.

"Quite blatantly in fact, right before he left. I think he surprised himself though and cut it off when he realized what he did." Shepard thought about Kolyat as he was leaving. He had asked her if she needed him to stay and then she heard him cough and…his frills darkened. _Shit, he had been embarrassed._

"I didn't let it stop me though. Especially when you invited me home with you."

"What? What kind of till was it?" She asked in hesitation, her throat suddenly feeling dry as a sinking feeling took root in her stomach. She had a general idea of what sound he could have made.

"It was a till of possession. A warning. Basically not to touch you. Kolyat wants you Shepard."

"Shit…" She breathed out slowly, even though she had a feeling she already knew that. The thought caused her chest to swell in indecision. _You already knew he wanted you. Why are you so shocked?_ Fuck, what was she supposed to do now?

"Do you want him?"

"What?" She snapped her gaze back to his in horrific shock. "I can't believe you're asking me that after we just slept together."

She was furious now, pulling out of his hold and sliding off the bed to go towards her closet. Grabbing a black silk robe, she threw it over her arms and fastened it before walking back to him. I guess there night was completely fucked now. What kind of woman did he think she was? Fuck one guy and move onto the next? Okay, that had happened a few times in her younger Alliance years but come on, this was Kolyat! Thane's son. Did he not even consider the thought of consequences, or what it might mean? What the fuck!

' _Nothing like the thought of death to spread your legs for the next man.'_

Shepard faltered in her footsteps her breath catching in her throat as the first wave of panic took her over. _'Would you have chosen differently?'_ No, she couldn't lose herself right now. She didn't want anyone to see her like that. Only Thane had…she took a deep breath to calm herself, watching Feron adjust his posture on the bed to see her better. His hazel eyes shining in understanding.

"Shepard…I told you this would only be as weird as we make it. I am comfortable with you and I have always been honest." Shepard quirked an eyebrow in opposition as she came back towards the bed making Feron chuckle in surrender.

"At least with you…If you want what happened tonight to happen again, or if you want something more…I am willing, if you are. I care for you, but I don't have much experience with this sort of thing…and it's not fair to ask you to wait for me. If you and Kolyat-"

"Don't finish that sentence." She snapped making Feron frown in budding irritation.

"Just by your reaction, you're confirming my earlier suspicions. You want him too."

"Fuck your suspicions. There's nothing going on with me and Kolyat." She huffed sitting it the chair by her bed to stare at him heatedly.

"You're fighting it then."

"What the fuck Feron!" She yelled loudly, anger taking over her.

"It's his son! I can't do that. Even if I wanted to! Even if I've thought about it, I…" She hesitated and looked down horrified by what she just said. _He could never understand the darkness inside of me. It's not fair to him. He'll use you, like everyone else, and then there will be nothing left. Women are play things to him._

"So you admit it."

"No! I-"

"Shepard be honest with yourself!" He yelled back at her making her hesitate. It was the first time she had ever heard him raise his voice. "You above all these ungrateful fucking people in this galaxy deserve some shred of happiness." His voice was vicious now, eyes narrowed in fierce displeasure. She sighed and looked down at her lap.

"He's not serious. He sees himself as Thane's replacement." She said hollowly, her voice barely above a whisper as she looked away unable to meet his eyes.

"Why would you think that?" His voice trailed off and she heard shifting upon the bed. His warm hands moved over hers as he knelt before her now, his sharp gaze surveying hers in deep unabated worry. He really did care for her.

"Talk to me, Shepard. I'm here for you. If nothing else, I will always remain your friend."

She looked up at him and sighed slowly unsure if she should say anything or not. She cared about Feron too. She really liked him and honestly she wouldn't have minded trying something together with him. That's why she had agreed when he had voiced his interest, but Kolyat…she couldn't understand why she kept thinking about him.

"The night I switched off information for Liara at the C-Sec Ball, I ran into Kolyat…and my ex. We got into a fight and Kolyat pretended to be Thane because Kaiden still heard that I was with a Drell. After, we were started talking and catching up, he offered to take me home because I drank too much. One thing lead to another and we started kissing and…" ' _If you want, you can pretend I'm him.'_

"Did you sleep with him?" Feron asked gently is eyes holding no judgement or jealousy.

"No. He accused me of thinking about Thane. He thought the only reason I reacted to him was because he reminded me of him and their connection."

"Is that true?" Taking a steady draw of breath she sighed and finally met his eyes again.

"No...For the first time in a long time, I actually didn't even think about Thane until he said something." Feron nodded in understanding his expression thoughtful.

"Would you have slept with him if he didn't say what he said?"

"I don't know…Maybe? I kept yelling at myself in my head. It's his son. You can't do this." Shepard looked back at the ground feeling ashamed by what she was about to admit. "I think I wanted to…I swore I wasn't going to see him again just in case, but then he came to me for help with Bailey's family. I couldn't turn him away."

"And so you've been spending time together."

"Yes but…"

"But?"

"Kolyat shouldn't be involved in my life anymore. It's too much of a risk to him. You saw what happened at the Unveiling. He handled himself but…Thane didn't want that for him. **_I_** don't want that for him. I deal with death and violence on a daily basis sometimes. It shouldn't have to be him. Thane wanted-"

"Did Kolyat ever say what **he** wanted?" Feron cut her off harshly. "Just because his father wanted something does not make it best for him. Did you even ask him? I know you Shepard. If you didn't want him there or didn't think he could handle it, you never would have asked him in the first place. You're making excuses."

She puffed her cheeks in aggravation hating that he was probably right. She thought about the turquois Drell again, the blue of his eyes when the light hit them right. He had changed and grown so much from when she had first met him. He was confident and honest. Hardworking and straight forward. She admired that about him, how much he truly worked to make himself a better person, to change his life despite his past. ' _I believe in you Shepard, or else I would not be here at all.'_

 _No…_ she couldn't be the one to disappoint him. She thought of Thane suddenly. Her mind drifting to the last time she saw him. Sitting there, watching him cough until his last breath left his body unable to do anything except watch him die. Kolyat standing beside her, unable to even look at him. How empty and helpless it had made her feel…how empty she still felt by his absence. She had loved him like no other before him.

 _Thane understood the darkness inside of you. Kolyat has a bright future ahead of him, he will never understand._

Shepard's mind drifted to the Reapers, battles she had experienced, people who died by her hand. Her body being sucked into space, the pain of dying. Her vision turned white and her throat tightened painfully. The first tremor vibrating over her. Everyone had used her, the Alliance, Cerberus, people who were supposed to be friends. Everything was what she could do for them. The Council tried to manipulate her and when she had given everything, saved billions, sacrificed friends, enemies and hundreds of thousands of innocents, they had tossed her to the side like she meant nothing. There was only darkness left.

She was vaguely aware of Feron's hands squeezing hers as she stared unseeing before her, lost.

"Shepard…Shepard!" Feron's voiced turned into panic.

"Stop calling me that." She whispered.

"What? Shepard I don't-"

"I said stop calling me that!" She shrieked now pulling her hands from his as he moved back in alarm. _Fuck…now he thinks you're crazy. I think I might be._ She felt her eyes begin to fill with tears. _What the fuck is wrong with me? Why is this happening?_

"Everyone who calls me that, just wants something form me."

 _Everyone always wants something, no one is safe from desire_.

 _What do I desire?_

Feron blinked at her slowly and hesitantly reached his hands up to touch her shoulders. She wondered how she must have looked to him. What he must think about her as she felt her whole being shut down, her vision going dark. She felt the burn in her eyes as she fought back the tears that threatened to spill over _. It doesn't matter what he sees. It doesn't matter how much you care. You will always be forgotten, always used and discarded._

 _I desire for it to end._

"Hey…look at me." Feron spoke softly, the gentle hum of his voice bringing her focus back on him. Hazel hues encompassed by liquid onyx. The emotion in his eyes making her chest tighten in turmoil. _He shouldn't look at me like that. I'm nothing but a monster._

"Focus on me, Sarah…Feel my breaths."

He gingerly placed her hand in the center of his chest. His fingers massaging the back of her hand, caressing her arm soothingly.

"Feel my heartbeat…concentrate on matching your breaths to mine. Just feel me. I am here with you. I won't leave you."

His kind words forced the tears to finally spill down her cheeks in heavy streams of self-doubt and hatred. _Didn't he see what kind of person she was? How disgusting?_

Feron slowly enveloped his arms around her and drew her from the chair to cradle her body against his chest. Pulling the comforter from the bed he wrapped it around them when a shiver passed through her. She couldn't hear his voice clearly as he spoke to her soothingly, trying his best to make her feel calm. The meaning was lost to her, the words unable to penetrate the fog in her mind. She didn't have the heart or will to tell him that the cold she felt was so deep inside her, she doubted anything he could have done would have warmed her.

How do you warm the cold darkness of space, when you have no soul?

* * *

Mitsuko hated being woken up abruptly. The blare of her console loud on the darkened interior of her quarters. Whoever it was better have had a damn well fucking good reason for disturbing her or she was going to kill them.

The male in her bed shifted slightly from the noise, his hands still fastened to the metal rings on the wall by the head of her bed. This one had been a lightweight. A little blood and not enough pain had him passing out unable to pleasure her completely. She hated when they couldn't keep up. She had already been in a foul mood to begin with and this male had made it worse. She would need to find a new toy now, most likely this one was already broken.

Pushing her glasses onto her face she clicked on the monitor and pulled the sheets over her chest. A human male appeared on the screen. Bright blond spikey hair and deep blue eyes. She knew he was tall and muscular, his infiltrator skills second to none and hung like a horse. Maybe she would have to use him when he returned to make up for her lack of satisfaction from the previous night.

"This better be good Koji." She said sternly glaring at the man who only smirked and licked his lips when he saw her.

"Did I interrupt anything good?"

"No. A disappointment." She said flatly making the male scoff and shake his head.

"Good, I don't have to wait for you to finish then. We're here." The monitor clicked off immediately.

Mitsuko sat up quickly. Koji's team had returned already? That was quicker than anticipated. She knew that credits and silence took time before these things could play out without any knowledge, but so swiftly? Koji really was the best at what he did.

Getting dressed quickly she glanced at the male in her bed, noticing more blood than she had originally thought she put there. The marks of the metal whips had ripped deep wounds. _Fuck…_ she really did break him too quick.

Sighing she sent a message to one of her assistants, notifying him to take care of the mess in her room and secure the male into one of the holding cells on the lower levels. Maybe she could use him for something else now. Might as well salvage what garbage you could, right?

Pulling her lab coat over her arms she left the room and hurriedly made her way towards the craft loading bay thinking about the work ahead of her, excited that she would finally have an opportunity to show those bastards at Cerberus what she was capable of. This was her time to shine and she was going to make damn well certain that everything would go according to plan.

She had hated the fact that the Illusive Man had chosen that bitch Miranda Lawson instead of her. She knew she was ten times more qualified in running the resurrection program on Commander Shepard, but he had decided to keep her on other projects instead. In the end it didn't matter though. That cunt Lawson was dead and now she was able to carry on the work she was originally meant for.

A waiting technician handed her a datapad as she passed in anticipation of her arrival and she quickly glanced over the intel to gain a basic over view of what she would be working with. The only thing she knew was the species and she had made sure to go to great lengths at having Koji gather specimens for her project. This subject's species was fickle and sometimes hard to capture unaware but Koji had done a superb job in choosing his targets to get her what she needed.

The blond male greeted her with a few technicians in the loading dock. A stretcher and body bag beside him. Giving him a quick glance she stared at the corpse as Koji handed her another datapad.

"This is the initial scan we did on the ship. Those squid fuckers did a good job at preserving him until we were ready to retrieve him." Mitsuko nodded in agreement as she read over the report.

The subject was male. Dead almost a year but the body was so well preserved that decomposing had barely set in. Thirty eight years of age…well that will have to be changed. Lungs were completely destroyed, they would have to be replaced too. Finding an organ and blood match was not going to be easy, but she had worked miracles before. That's why she was chosen for this.

"How many specimens do we have?"

"Thirty."

"Let's find a compatible blood match first. Order the assistants to get as much as they can but don't kill them. Drain half of them completely after I test the organ compatibility to start the replacement process." They were going to need every drop of blood in order for this to work.

"And the ones that aren't compatible?" Koji asked waiting patiently for her orders. Mitsuko licked her lips and smiled maliciously.

"I'll choose two or three to be my personal pets, as for the others…I'll save them for other experiments I had planned. Let's get the subject inside shall we and I expect you to join me in my quarters later."

Koji nodded and grined viciously as he motioned for the technicians to start working.

Mitsuko stood to the side as her agents wheeled the body into the lab following behind them as she glanced down at the data pad one more time. _Thane Krios, let's start_ _ **my**_ _Lazarus Project, shall we?_

* * *

 **Authors Note:** Do you all love and hate me at the same time for this chapter? The plans I have…


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

 _I knew it…_

 _I fucking knew it..._

He had this terrible unrelenting gnawing feeling in his gut when he had seen them together, like there was something going on between them…and now…he could smell it all the way from the other side of Forbidden Fruit.

The first time he had smelled Shepard, she had smelt like the warrior he knew she was. Armor laced with the subtle scent of heat sinks and calm resolve, unwavering tenacity…his father's slight lingering trace. The dark musky aroma mixed with leather, a scent marking upon her skin.

He had been so angry at his father then. Tracking him down to butt into his life, along with a woman he was seeing in tow. Commander Shepard of all people. A women who walked with legends, not assassins. A human paragon for her species, an angel of wrath and vengeance, turned personal savior to them both.

Of course, that was before he knew what she tasted like. At least her tongue. Sweet exotic wine and vanilla, her lavender body wash and perfection…but now…that bastard had cum inside her and her smell was mixed with that fucker's spiced aroma. Why didn't he pick up on them sooner? He didn't think they were seeing one another. Perhaps just a fuck? _Gods know you've been around the Wards once or twice._

Kolyat's mind wandered to Thane as he approached them. How it would have been easier if he wanted her when his father was still alive. How he could have just asked to be included if he really wanted to be. He doubted his father would have refused him if he pushed the subject. He had seemed so desperate to reconcile, and he was so sure Shepard would have done anything to appease Thane. Even take him to her bed, although she might have done it reluctantly, if at all.

Kolyat sighed as he thought about that scenario. It would have been a shitty way to go about it, and he honestly wasn't even in the slightest bit attracted to humans at that time. He barely was even now, although he was starting to become more aware of them and the exotic beauty that some of them exhibited. Truthfully, even thinking about it now made him realize that the bonds between father and son were not strong enough for that opportunity, if it was presented. That kind of relationship would have been started for the wrong reasons. For Drells, that form of intimacy would have been an honor, but for them…it would have been nothing but a disaster. _Would I have been able to be intimate with the both of them at that time?_

Kolyat fought back the taste of bitterness in his throat as he realized what he was starting to really want with her, like no one before. He was not being clear about what he was starting to feel for Shepard and his hesitation and uncertainty was confusing even to him. If he didn't care he would have just tried to fuck her and be done with it, and he sensed that it was what she might be thinking too. She said his reputation didn't bother her, but he had a feeling it was all she was starting to see. How do you actually show a woman you care, when you have used every single one before her?

Gods how he hoped it had only been a fuck with Feron and nothing more. Honestly, he had nothing against the other drell. He actually liked him, and they had hit it off pretty well since being introduced, sharing a few messages and calls; joking; talking; they had even planned on hanging out tomorrow night. Truthfully he shouldn't even be angry. He had never actually asked Shepard if she was seeing anyone or interested in someone, he had just automatically assumed…

 _Son of a bitch!_

No…there was no way they were actually seeing each other, right?

Feron noticed him first, catching his gaze, most likely recognizing his pissed off scent as he approached them. The colorful drell adjusted nervously in his chair, humming to him in greeting when he neared. The sound alerting Shepard who turned her eyes on him and smiled thinly.

"Hey!" Feron spoke up first smiling, although his expression was not as vibrant as all the other times they had spoken or seen one another in the video chats.

 _Yeah...you know what you did asshole. I can smell it._

Kolyat kept his till silent and nodded in greeting, making sure his face gave nothing away as he sat down across from them. His hand smoothing down the front of his leathers, his subtle movement catching Shepard's gaze. Her vibrant green eyes lingering on the motion of his hands.

"So, I take it that's your new favorite jacket?" Shepard grinned brightly eyeing his black leathers approvingly. Her eyes roaming over him as her expression softened, resting her chin upon her hand. Kolyat could only feel anger well up in his chest from the intensity of her gaze as she watched him.

 _Don't look at me like that_. _If you cared, you wouldn't have fucked him._

Kolyat looked away from them, his mind and chest racing with too many emotions that left him confused and annoyed. He was having trouble wrapping his head around how he should act towards them in this moment. Jealousy was never on his plate before, he had never cared about anyone enough for that emotion to shine through. Even Zahria's bullshit actions and the hell she had put him through didn't make him this upset.

His eyes roamed through the café, trying to focus on something else, trying to find anything to grab his attention. His gaze falling upon two serving girls he knew who waved to him in excitement already making their way over to the table. He smiled genuinely, thankful for the moment of distraction to get his mind off the scents before him. He could smell Shepard all over Feron too and that thought alone made him want to leap across the table and strangle the other drell, contemplating the different ways to avoid his hyoid bone and slam his face against the hard wooden surface.

"Hey Kolyat!" The taller of the two women said first, a chocolate skinned human with a long oval face and dark brown eyes that looked almost black. She smiled warmly running a hand through the short bob jet black hair that fell in front of her eyes placing a small tray upon the table.

"Sorry for the wait. When we saw Kolyat join you we went back to get him his tea too." The shorter female said towards Shepard and Feron who wore matching expressions of curiosity. Kolyat didn't give a shit what they thought.

"Ebony, Nina, how are you ladies doing?" He asked grinning, making a show of it. Leaning back comfortably against the seat. Ebony placed the drinks down in front of them and smiled as her name was called and her attention was brought to another patron. She waved and held up a finger before looking back at him.

"I've been better. I'll catch up with you later though Kol, I might need your help with something."

"You have my contact info." He said seriously hoping whatever it was, wasn't too severe. He already knew that it had nothing to do with finding a date or a party she sometimes invited him to by the look on her face. Ebony nodded and lowered her voice before leaving.

"Nina can fill you in a little. I'll call you later." She said quickly leaving the smaller blond as she made her way over to another table to take their order.

"She's not in trouble is she?" Shepard asked softly leaning in for semi privacy towards Nina who shook her head. The tight golden ringlets of hair bouncing as she made a sound of denial.

"No way, nothing like that." She protested, her bright blue eyes moving around the café before she moved in closer.

"It's this guy actually. He's a regular who only ever comes when she's on shift. He hangs around and constantly asks her out, lately he's been getting a little aggressive."

"Nothing worse than a male who can't take the hint." Feron chimed in.

 _What the fuck? Was that comment directed at him?_ Kolyat growled in annoyance knowing that Feron would be the only one who could hear him, his sound of anger catching the other drells interest who quirked an eyeridge at him in concern.

"Well…the last time he was here he caused a really big scene. Emily is looking up the laws that prohibit clientele from entering an establishment. It's hard with the anti-discrimination laws in effect."

"He's not human?" Shepard asked in interest.

"Turian…and a politician." Nina frowned deeply.

"Please tell me his name isn't Tallid?"

"Are you serious right now?" Kolyat sucked his teeth in anger but Shepard only grinned at him cheekily.

"I was just curious." She shrugged nonchalantly picking up her coffee and taking a sip blinking at him innocently.

 _So full of shit, that wasn't even funny._

"I don't know his name, sorry." Nina answered.

"How often does he come in and cause a disturbance?" Feron asked bringing the conversation back.

"Maybe two or three times a week. Emily wants to file a restraining order but she think she might have a hard time because of his political ties. I think she's also going to change around Ebony's shift and see if that helps."

"Is Emily here? I would like to speak to her so I can help. I need as much information on the guy as possible to speed up the process, a name would help." Kolyat murmured as he glanced around looking for the petite human owner.

"I can run a back ground check on the guy if she knows his name." Feron tilled in eagerness towards him willingly. Kolyat stayed silent unsure if he wanted to accept his help or tell him to go fuck himself. Feron being an information trader would allow him to find more on the guy then C-Sec could ever hope to dig up. Maybe he should let him help. This was for Ebony's wellbeing and Emily had always been kind to him. They could even be considered friends. It was time for him to return the favor. After a moment he returned a hum of reluctant acceptance which left a smile on Feron's lips but a frown on his own.

 _Why are you smiling? You're still not off the hook yet asshole._

"Emily should be here soon." Nina started to speak again. "She has a wedding order that needs to be completed before the weekend. She and Vanessa are going to do an overnight to get it done."

"Tell Emily to contact me when you next see her. She has my info. I'll do whatever I can to help."

Kolyat caught a small smile on Shepard's lips as she stared at him quietly. Her watchful eyes making him suddenly uncomfortable and confused. _What is she thinking about?_ Before he had a chance to dwell, Nina nodded and handed out small laminated cards to each of them before grabbing a pad and pen from her apron.

"Do you want to order anything to eat? Emily is starting to incorporate small lunch specials. Salads and light sandwiches. There's a seaweed salad that she put on the menu for our drell clients and she also has Hashi tea now in case you want that for the future."

Kolyat smiled, pleased at how Emily was trying to accommodate her growing clientele. She was always considerate and easily adaptable. One more thing to admire about her.

"I am good right now. The tea is fine. I will try the salad when I come in tomorrow." Nina nodded and looked at Feron and Shepard expectantly.

"I'm not really hungry." Feron said softly glancing at Shepard who nodded in agreement.

"We're good with the coffee and tea. Thank you."

"Not a problem. If you need a refill I'll be by the counter. I'll keep a look out." She smiled genuinely taking the cards from them and walking away leaving Shepard to turn her gaze back on him and grin playfully.

"So…Kol…I take it you come here often?"

Kolyat frowned sitting further back against his chair as he took his tea and sipped it making sure to keep a neutral disposition. He wasn't entirely sure he liked how his nickname sounded on her lips right now.

"The owner is an acquaintance of mine and yes. I come here on most of my lunch breaks. I didn't know you we're familiar with it though."

"Are you kidding me?" She asked in disbelief. Her green eyes widening in overly dramatic shock.

"Have you tried their chocolates? So freaking good. They have this little champagne truffle in the shape of a seashell. Holy hell…it's like an orgasm in your mouth."

Feron grinned at her and tilted his head to the side, quirking an eyeridge in mirth as he regarded her statement. Kolyat wanted to say a thousand nasty rude comments but opted to push the subject aside. He blinked at her slowly and let out a heavy breath doing his best to keep his expression devoid of any reaction. He didn't want her to know what was on his mind…at least not in front of the other drell.

"I never tried it." He murmured glancing away.

"Drells don't normally like sweet things." Feron added in, finally taking a sip of his own tea, his expression turning thoughtful as he tasted the flavor, sipping a second time more deeply before meeting his awaiting gaze. Kolyat knew that Emily had a unique mix for her teas and was curious to what the other drell thought of the drink he ordered.

"We talking about food or women?" Shepard chiming in snickering, bringing Feron's attention back towards her as he grinned widely.

"I wonder…"

"I'm actually surprised because Thane was addicted to Ra'shak and Dra'fu tarts. Every time we went to the Citadel he would disappear and come back with a box of them."

"Really?" Kolyat asked doubtfully hearing a till of agreement from Feron.

"I didn't take Thane for a pastry or candy eater." The colorful drell said thoughtfully, sitting back in his chair glancing at Kolyat who nodded in agreement. Kolyat wasn't sure if she was serious or not as she laughed softly at the looks of skepticism on their faces.

"I'm not saying he ate them all the time. It was just something he enjoyed every now and then. Our trips to the Citadel we're few and far between, so we stocked up when we could. When we got more familiar I would catch him sneaking into my cabin, trying to steal my chocolates and-"

"If Thane really wanted to steal something, I doubt he would have let you catch him. You know that right?" Feron smiled gently as they both watched her glance down at the table, most likely thinking back on a moment in her mind.

"I know…There was one night he snuck into my quarters and…you know what, never mind." She laughed nervously looking away from the both of them. Kolyat knew it was an intimate memory. One he would remember to ask her about at a later time. More questions to accompany everything he wanted to know pertaining to his father and her.

"I take it that was an occasion he gave you something to do with your hands?" The other Drell grinned flirtingly causing Shepard to snicker and slap his arm playfully. Kolyat just wanted to punch him in the mouth.

"Anyway Kolyat…" She started, knowing she was looking for any excuse to change the subject. "I hope Bailey didn't keep you too long doing paperwork. Did he at least let you up for air?"

"I'm used to it and I know you don't really care." He replied curtly. His harsh response causing her to frown, expression quickly sobering from his hostility. Feron scowled and narrow his eyes, tilling in disapproval.

 _Fuck them both right now. They we're the ones who asked me here._

"What is it you called me for? Do you have something for me, or did you perhaps need to use me again? If you need another bodyguard, I'm sure Feron can handle it for you now."

 _Shit…your being a total dick…and that sounded too much like jealousy._ Shepard crossed her arms in front of her chest and sat back in her chair, eyes hardening as she assessed him solemnly.

"What is your problem this morning? Someone piss in your cheerios?"

They glared at each other for several heartbeats, both of them unwilling to back down from the other. Both of them suddenly ignoring the other drell who swallowed thickly and took another sip of his tea, abruptly finding something to catch his full attention on the opposite side of the café, pretending they weren't trying to burn holes through one another.

Eventually Kolyat was the one to look away first, sucking his teeth in aggravation as he pulled in a deep breath to calm himself. Why was he even acting like this? Like some lover scorned. He really needed a moment away from them to collect his thoughts. This really wasn't what he expected when he received her message to meet her here.

He expected warm smiles and genuine happiness to see him again. He expected flirting jokes and the opportunity to perhaps touch her hair or maybe her skin again. A tiny caress, a brush of his hand, the smell of her lavender body wash and the euphoric aroma of everything that was her. He didn't expect this other drell to blatantly cum inside her. _Fuck…I have to stop thinking about that._ Kolyat froze when he heard an emotional apologetic till erupt from Feron's throat, followed by a sound that indicated misunderstanding, making him only shake his head and sigh.

 _What misunderstanding? She slipped and fell on your dick?_

Kolyat eyed the other male skeptically and sent back a till of indifference. She wasn't his, it shouldn't matter who she fucked...but it make him think. If she was with Feron…why did she kiss him that night at the C-sec ball...or was that the real reason she pushed him away at the safe house? Was he the one who was in the wrong? Why wasn't Feron being aggressive towards him if he was the encroaching male?

He didn't smell a claim on her so technically she was still fair game, and if Feron was serious about her, then he would have given him an aggressive subharmonic back when he slipped up and indicated his possession over Shepard. _Which you technically had no right to do yourself_. Fuck this was getting complicated.

"Are you guys doing a subharmonic?" Shepard finally spoke again, blinking slowly as she glanced between the two of them.

"We're trying to reestablish our bromance." Feron smirked staring at Kolyat who just shook his head trying to find it in himself to hate the other male. He secretly wished he could slap him. However, he felt the urge harder to hold on to as he thought more about the whole situation. Eventually he sighed and looked back at the rainbow hued drell who smiled in hopeful uncertainty, his hazel eyes full of expectations.

"I hate you right now." He admitted gently but feeling the air between them begin to lighten. Feron nodded in agreement and gave another till of misunderstanding. He was really trying hard to convince him that it wasn't what he thought. _This fucking guy._

"I know, but I'll make it up to you, promise." Feron purred eagerly until he finally gave in.

"The drinks better be fucking strong...and expensive." Kolyat snapped with a low irritated growl.

"With little umbrellas."

"You know…if I'm interrupting something here..." Shepard grinned, trailing off into playful coyness.

"You would like that wouldn't you?" Feron purred wickedly, allowing her to shrug indifferently and click her tongue in reflection.

"I don't know. It might be hot…along with crazy inappropriate for me to watch. Which I guess would make it even more worthwhile."

Kolyat rose his eyeridge's at her in surprise as Feron hummed in delight. There was no way she was serious, was she?

"And here I thought I was the perverted one. You hear that Kol? I think she would like watching the two of us together. Think we could arrange that for her?"

Kolyat swallowed roughly his mind spinning with the possibilities until he quickly scoffed and looked away from the two of them heatedly. She was bullshitting and would not fall into the trap of Feron's teasing.

"You know that's all I think about…ever." She said dryly crossing her arms over her chest leaning back further against her chair. "If we're done screwing around maybe you can give Kolyat what he needs."

"You were the one who started it." Feron chided reaching into his jacket to produce a small glass case with three data chips, before sliding it across the table towards him. "For your friends…a fresh start. I still owe you one more though."

"The whole family is already registered at the colony. The shuttle leaves in a few days."

"Just make sure they are really ready for this. Once those chips are installed, who they were will completely cease to be."

Kolyat swallowed roughly and nodded as he took the chips and processed Feron and Shepard's words before placing it in his pocket, giving Feron an emotional till of thanks, truly grateful. He smiled vibrantly and tilled in genuine happiness.

"Seriously man, no problem. I'll give you the other one when Ryan is released…and…"

Feron's voice trailed off as his gaze turned distant and serious. Kolyat watched in curiosity as his attention slowly turned towards the doorway of the coffee shop. His hazel eyes brightening in interest as he scanned the café, sniffing the air. He looked confused but alert as if he was searching and trying to pinpoint something of importance.

"Everything okay?" Shepard asked cautiously picking up on the way Feron's body stiffened in awareness. His eyes moving around more quickly as they narrowed in deeper confusion. It took him a moment before he was able to snap his attention back to Shepard after she touched his arm softly in budding concern. His throat ribbing suddenly swelling and vibrating a sound of embarrassment as he glanced down at the table unsure.

"Yeah...sorry. I smelled something." He mumbled as he tried to hide the fact that he was still trying to glance around again, his inner eyelids blinking rapidly in unease.

"Something weird or something good?"

"Good...a little too good." He admitted, red hues erupted beneath his throat as he coughed into his hand and stood up fluidly.

"Was it a female?" Shepard grinned cheekily resting her chin on the palm of her hand as she stared up at him. Her response interesting Kolyat more than Feron's behavior. She wasn't jealous? So it wasn't serious between them?

"What did it smell like?" Kolyat asked in curiosity wondering if his reaction meant that he had smelled a compatible female nearby. He sniffed the air trying to pick something up but was unable to focus on anything other than Shepard and the exotic aromas on her skin. Nothing else seemed to grab at him and not even Feron's smell on her was going to deter him for long without a claim in her system. _Fuck him, she was still fair game._ Feron pulled in a deep breath and straightened his jacket, titling his head to the side thoughtfully.

"A female Drell…I think. Like rain...and the sea after a storm…a subtle scent of sand and oceans. It's very…enticing."

Rain...and oceans? Was it Emily? Kolyat tried to smell the air again but he didn't pick up her scent. Maybe he was mistaken? Emily wasn't a Drell.

"Are you jealous?" Feron smirked at Shepard, snapping out of whatever biological hold that had suddenly come over him.

"Of course Feron." She answered in mock horror. Her tone turning overly dramatic and embellished. "I can't go through the day without you, don't you know that?"

"I know it." He chuckled deeply, his voice rumbling in delight. "But right now I have some business to take care of…So for now, I'll catch up with the two of you later."

He eyed both of them and grinned. Nodding towards Shepard who waved lazily in goodbye as he tilled his farewell and good intentions toward Kolyat before giving one last glance around the café, leaving them alone.

Kolyat gave it a few moments. The both of them sitting in silence taking sips of their drinks. The air growing heavier and heavier with unspoken words between them. He studied her face, the pale perfect skin and light pink hues of her cheeks. The slender curve of her neck and all that vibrant silky red hair just waiting to be bunched upon someone's palms. Did Feron bury his nose in it like he had hoped for a chance to do?

"Are you two seeing each other?" He suddenly blurted out. His mind running rampant of thoughts of the two of them together.

"What?" She asked in alarm blinking slowly. Taking another sip of her coffee she glanced away. Was she trying to bide her time?

"Why would you ask something like that?" _You're fucking joking right?_ Kolyat frowned as he glared at her in disapproval. She was most likely going to shoot him again.

"Because you reek of him. I can smell him all over you. I can smell that he was inside you."

"What the fuck? God, you're direct. Are you seriously saying that to me? It's really none of your business what happens between Feron and me."

"No? I am just curious because of the time we've been spending together. Not to mention that you kissed me back… **twice** I might add. I just want to know how serious you are about him if you allowed **me** to taste your mouth."

"Jesus Kolyat…Do I ask about all the women you fuck…or kiss?" She groaned running a hand over her face before tangling it through her hair.

"I try not to kiss them. I prefer not to even put my mouth on them unless I have too." He snapped. He knew she was familiar with many drell practices. She should already know that they considered a kiss to be extremely intimate. Fitting since they could always pull back the memory of another's tongue and taste in a single moment. Kissing was usually only done with serious intent.

"You know, I don't even care. It doesn't matter to me if you do or not. I already know you're never serious about any of them. You have no right to ask about what I do behind closed doors."

Her comment made him hesitate. She was right…he was never serious with any of those females, it was true…but with her…he had no right to ask. But he had to tell her what he was thinking, even if he was about to regret it.

"Sarah…When you were with my father-"

"Are you about to accuse me of finding a replacement or are you angry Feron got to me first?"

Her bold statement caught him off guard. Did she already know how much he was starting to want her? Did Feron perhaps say something to her? _Of course he did, you fucked up and let it slip._ Kolyat sighed knowing it was time to finally be truthful with her, no matter how badly this was probably about to end.

"Sarah-"

"I'm not your father Kolyat…That blame game is not going to work on me." He knew what she meant clearly. When he had first learned about her he had accused his father of not mourning his mother properly and finding a replacement. He had been rude and vocal, cruel and uncaring, but that was before he had learned the full truth of his father's absence.

"I did not say that…and I have already meant and apologized for what I **did** say to you when we met. As for my father…you said it yourself…I was a different person, and I **was**. At that time I didn't understand his actions, I just wanted him to hurt. Using anything I could find to throw at him, and fuel his guilt. That included you. I know it was petty, but it was all I had at the time. I didn't know you. You were just ammunition. Just some woman with his scent, nothing more."

"Kolyat-" He held up his hand to silence her.

"Let me finish. I will not accuse you of finding a replacement. I know you will never stop loving my father. Just like he never stopped loving my mother. It is not easy, but it is possible to love more than once in a lifetime…but I don't think Feron is the one you are meant to move on for."

 _Fuck…why did I just say that?_

"Who then? Who should I move on for?" She whispered, her gaze burning into his with unending intensity. He tried his hardest not to misinterpret her earnest gaze as hope on his part. He swallowed roughly and spoke. His voice matching hers just above a whisper. _There's no way…you can't admit that…_

"You'll figure it out."

"I don't like games." She frowned, green eyes darkening in rising ire.

"Neither do I."

She made a sound of disgust and clicked her tongue in annoyance. Glaring at him as different emotions swirled over her features until she settled on indifference, grabbing her coffee once again to bring it to her lips.

"What makes you believe I even care about what you think?"

Kolyat shook his head and grimaced in disgust, sneering at her response. She was so full of shit. He didn't care how much she was pretending, he still wanted her. He didn't care how many times that male had tried to taint her smell. It would go away in time and he would still not want her any less. He was tired of pretending he didn't, tired of subtle approaches and taking his time. Impatient about her trying to figure it out herself. He knew she wanted him too, he could sense it, and he was irritated that it was taking her this long. She was fighting it for reasons he couldn't comprehend. The only thing he couldn't recognize, was weather it was just sex or something more? He liked her…a lot. More than any woman before. He was tired of being silent about it and he was about to make damn well sure she knew exactly what he saw.

 _Please be something more…_

"I see the way you look at me…" He started, keeping his gaze steady on hers. His hands flat against the table as if he was trying to keep himself from sinking into the floor.

"Like you can't figure out if you want to shoot me again, or…" Kolyat leaned in close and kept his voice low, making sure his vocals were only loud enough for her to hear.

"If you want to feel me so deep inside you, it leaves you begging me for claim."

She sucked in a harsh breath from his straight forward response. Her scent changing to arousal laced with rage. Eyes brightening as a pink flush erupted over her skin. He loved that smell, could taste that intoxicating subtle sweetness like a caress of liquid heaven against his skin. He loved the blush over her skin, an indication that he had caught her off guard.

"You would like that wouldn't you? Feeling me inside you. If you want I can replace his scent with mine. Fill you so completely with my seed you only know what it means to be consumed in pleasure."

"Jesus Kolyat…what are you saying? You don't know-"

"Yes I do." He cut her off roughly. "I know exactly what I'm saying and I know for a fact if I didn't fuck up and say what I said to you that first night, my scent would be on you instead, and you wouldn't reek of him."

"Can you please stop saying reek? That word is freaking me out."

"Good. Does it make you want to jump in a shower and get his stench off you?"

"I showered before I came here. I know I don't smell. You're just being an asshole."

"That's a matter of opinion…let me take his scent away. I want to know how amazing your fragrance will be after I've been inside you. Let me show you how perfect it will be."

She looked down at the table biting her lip, her heavy breaths labored as she struggled for control, her throat constricting as she swallowed heavily. Her eyes searching the wooden grains of the surface deep in thought. Her scent turning wild.

"You need to stop."

"Do you really want that?" He whispered in doubt. She glanced up at him in uncertainty with eyes like a raging storm.

"You shouldn't talk to me like that."

"You don't dislike it."

"Yes…I do."

He wasn't at all convinced.

"Then why do your cheeks redden when I do? Why do I smell your arousal? Your eyes dilate in lust? I'm sure I'll be ten times better then Feron if you allow me to show you."

"Maybe I screamed out Thane's name when he made me cum. Maybe I'll do the same thing to you. Maybe that's the real reason I fucked him. To be reminded of what a Drell feels like inside of me. It didn't matter what Drell it was. Maybe I used him. Maybe I'll use you too." Her voice bit out harshly now. Her gaze turning to anger and disdain. So much pain, so much force in trying to convince him.

Kolyat looked away in alarm. He hadn't thought about that. Maybe she had only slept with Feron because she missed his father. Perhaps she was speaking the truth and she had used him. Perhaps that was the real reason she was pushing him away, because he really did remind her of his father. No…He felt how she had reacted to him. How her scent changed whenever he got near her. The body does not lie.

 _She has to be lying…_

"You are not that cruel."

"You don't know me Kolyat. You don't know what I'm capable of. The things I've done." Her voice was empty and hollow now. The tone of Commander Shepard shining through. The domineering angel of wrath. There was more to her than that. Commander Shepard was not everything that existed within her.

"No…but I would like to. I want to know you. I want to know all of you."

Sadness flashed across her face at the sincerity in his voice. His till of truthful intent rumbled low for her to hear clearly. He wanted her to know how serious he was about this.

"Trust me, you won't like what you see…besides…you're his son, and Thane-"

"In Drell society-"

"I'm not Drell! I'm human! And you don't understand all the things that make this wrong for me. The consequences…"

"Sarah, please-"

"No…" She cut him off again roughly, voice thick to the point of budding anguish. Kolyat could feel a weight starting to push down on his chest staring at her forsaken expression just as she began to whisper.

"There's a darkness inside of me...an emptiness…Thane…he…" Her voice trailed off as her gaze grew distant before she shook her head to push off the memory she almost lost herself in. Kolyat swallowed heavily ready to say her name again but held his tongue as she continued.

"You can never understand. Just forget about me in that way."

 _No…_

"I can't…can't you see that?" He didn't care if his voice came out almost pleadingly. He knew it was starting to break as he lost his composure. Emotion starting to drown his resolve.

"Let me show you how much I want you. What I'm willing to do. I will understand, I know I will. Give me a chance to show you that I can be-"

"I don't want you! Can't you get that through your head?" She yelled towards him viciously. Kolyat didn't need to look around to know that people were staring at them as he looked down at the table in dejection.

' _I don't want you.'_

No one _**ever**_ wanted him.

 _That simple truth._

After his mother was killed and even before, he felt as if he was nothing more than a burden to everyone around him. His father barely interacted with him as a child and then disappeared completely after her funeral. He had soon become someone else's problem to be dumped and pushed aside. He had been left in the care of an aunt and uncle on Irikah's side, but even then they had tiptoed around him. Never sure how to interact with a child that wasn't their own. He was regarded as there, nothing more, nothing less. Nothing important.

By the time Thane's brother had been reached and was able to intervene on his behalf and take him as his own, he had already been too lost to care. Torin had tried, Gods know he did. He had done everything to console Kolyat in every way, but the damage had already been done, and he was too lost at any attempt for change. The only woman he had ever seriously dated and started to care for had used him and discarded him when she was done. He was nothing more than an unwanted fuck up…He thought for the first time that perhaps there was someone actually enjoying his company. That perhaps Shepard cared about him too.

"Sarah-"

"I don't want to hear it. Just go find one of your floozies to fuck. I'm not interested."

He narrowed his eyes at her in regret and budding discontent. He thought that perhaps she was different. That she was actually taking the time to know him. No one else had spoken to him the way she did before when they were at the safe house. When they were alone in her office, when he had helped console her in her moment of weakness. Was it all a lie?

 _That's all I'm good for, right? An exotic lay, nothing more. That's all you see…That's all anyone sees…_

The pain that hit Kolyats chest felt like a sucker punch to the gut. Unable to find his voice he looked down at the table trying to grasp at anything to say so she could understand how he was starting to feel about her. How much he hated himself in that moment. How much he wished he could turn himself into anything that she wanted…even his father.

"I think it would be better for the both of us, if we don't see each other again." Her voice was low and empty as she started to rise from the table. No…he couldn't let that happen. If nothing else was true, he knew he had to see her again. He blinked at her in alarm.

"Shepard…" He started, staring up at her in distress, rising to grab her wrist quickly without thinking. She sighed and stared back at him impatiently, green eyes darkening with their own regret. Her gaze moving to his hand around her wrist in anger, until he released her tilling in apology.

"My Detective Exam is tomorrow. We are having a party at Neon Rain two days after at 1600 to celebrate. I would like it if you could be there." He knew he was grasping at anything he could think of, but he couldn't let it end like this. If he could see her again, maybe he could turn things around. Maybe he could try a different approach, maybe…

"I don't think that's a good idea Kolyat. I'm sorry." He let out a heavy breath of disbelief as her tone held no room for argument, and it didn't matter. In that moment he could think of nothing else that would tie her to him. Feron was going to take care of the last ID and she didn't need him for another event. She had already helped him with Claire and given him the safe house. What else was there? _Nothing…fucking nothing._ As he watched her walk away and leave the café he had a feeling she knew it too. But what else could he say?

He sat down dejectedly, bunching his fists upon the wooden surface, suddenly feeling restless, as if he couldn't sit still. He didn't know what to do with his hands. He rubbed his face, the back of his neck, wiped his thighs frantically while looking up at the ceiling to take in a deep breath. Doing his best to clear his mind. His thoughts were too wild now.

Eventually, he got up from the table and glanced around, noticing how workers and patrons avoided his stare, until he saw Emily standing close by, a sad sorrowful look on her face. Honey eyes shining in unshed tears but hesitant to approach him. She had probably already figured out that Sarah was the girl that he was interested in, and she had just gotten a front row seat to his dramatic rejection.

' _Don't rush it. If you do, you'll regret it and it will be that much more painful.'_ He should have listened to her. He got carried away, and now…now he didn't know what to do with himself.

Opening his omnitool he sent Emily a message that he had to get out of there and to put everything on his tab. He watched her look down at her omnitool and slowly back up at him nodding silently. He could tell she wanted to come to him but knew now was not the right time. He would speak to her another day. He just needed some time to himself.

He needed…

He didn't know what he needed or wanted anymore…

* * *

He felt sluggish and tired. His body weak. His brain still left in utter chaos. He hadn't slept, the thoughts of what Shepard had said to him and his emotions running wild through the night prevented him from drifting off to rest. Several times Feron had called him and every time he had just stared at his omnitool waiting for the contact transmission to end until he eventually just turned it off wishing not to be disturbed. What could he have possibly wanted to say to him? He didn't even care enough to know.

He knew he was going to regret what he did. Taking things a little too far. Being honest with what he wanted to do to her. What was he thinking? It was one of the few times in his life that he knew he should have just held his tongue. Should have thought things through a little more. Should have waited it out, let things progress naturally…if they were even going to at all. What did he hope to accomplish? She would never see him as anything else.

He spent the whole night sitting on the floor, his back against his bed, knees up with his hands clasped lightly upon them as he stared unseeing into the darkness of his apartment. Silently watching the time periodically, until it was the moment he had to leave for his exam.

The route was taken on instinct and routine, his mind not really with him as he went mechanically toward C-Sec headquarters and travelled to the lower levels where the exam was taking place. He glanced around when he entered the orientation room where a small speech was given as a pep talk and moral boost for inspirational motivation.

The words were lost on him.

Slowly the group of cadets were ushered into another room, split into three groups of twenty eight by last name and asked to line up. Once they were in order he heard his name being called from behind, the enthusiastic tone catching his attention and making him turn to glance towards the back of the line. Keston beamed at him with a toothy wide grin, rumpled brown hair and dark circles under his eyes. He looked terrible and he had a feeling that the human male probably slept as much as he did. Smiling softly with a nod of greeting Keston gave him an ecstatic thumbs up just as his name was next called from the list. Taking a deep breath he turned and approached the counter where two officers sat for processing.

"Can I have your full name and identification number?" The Human male asked waiting to link the test to his account.

"Kolyat Krios, KR-79885-018"

The man nodded and tapped a few keys on his keyboard, while the Asari next to him turned the keypad over and waited for him to punch in his security code.

"C-sec Officer exam, right?" The male confirmed linking the program to his omnitool.

"Yes sir...I also need the Detective entrance exam."

Kolyat watched the male raise an eyebrow in interest as the murmurs and whispers grew louder behind him. He didn't give a shit what anyone thought about him in this moment and just pretended he couldn't hear them.

"What the fuck, he's applying for Detective?"

"You can do that?"

"That's Bailey's pet for you."

"Seriously? What a suck up."

"Hey, shut the fuck up. Krios works harder than half you losers." Kolyat blinked slowly hearing Keston voice his disapproval. At least one person had his back. Ignoring the rest of the mumbles, the C-Sec officer frowned at those behind him before he turned his gaze back on him tapping quickly on his keyboard again.

"Just to confirm, you are requesting the C-Sec Officer Exam and Detective Placement Exam. You are aware that if you fail the Detective Exam will be put back in cadet status and will not be able to reapply for fifteen months. If you fail the Officer Exam you will be put back on probation for six months. The Detective Exam is also accompanied by a Psychological Exam and an Oral Cross Examination afterwards. If you fail either the psychological or oral, you will not be able to reapply for twenty-four months. If you fail three times you will be disqualified from reapplying for the rest of your career. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Sir." Kolyat answered, swallowing down his rising nervousness. The asari and human both nodded and waited for him to sign off on the test registration as it linked to one of the computer module's.

"Officer Krios, desk twelve. Good luck." The asari said as the test finished loading. He bowed respectively before linking his omnitool to accept the test registration and headed for the door beside them. Glancing back at Keston he gave a curt nod of thanks who returned it and grinned back, a silent confirmation of good intentions.

Doing his best to clear his mind he sat down at his designated seat and punched in his identification and security clearance. After pulling up the first page and filling out his basic registration and completing the fingerprint scan he steadied his nerves and opened the first page of the psychological, skimming over some of the questions.

Do you like to smell flowers?

Have you ever thought about killing yourself?

Have you ever tried to commit suicide?

Would you prefer to be alone?

Do you get along with others?

Would you consider being a mechanic?

Do you sometimes wish you were the opposite sex?

Do voices tell you to kill yourself?

Is rape worse than murder?

 _Just answer honestly and do your best. That's all you can believe in right now._

Taking one more deep breath, he did a quick prayer to Arashu before answering the first question honestly, hoping that it would allow his life to change for the better. He had to focus on his dream. In this moment it became the only thing that mattered.

* * *

Kolyat sat on his bed, exhausted but still not willing to sleep. The exam was long and grueling the oral cross examination even more so. The human female had analyzed and asked him clarification on some of his answers to the psychological which turned out to be over two hundred questions. Most in which were same questions asked over and over with different wording in hopes of trying to trip people up. Any inconsistency was caught right away and multiple questions were asked.

In Kolyat's case though everything was consistent but some of his answers, although the same, were still drilled at him for confirmation. They were also combined with questions on how he viewed certain aspects of crimes and individual scenarios which were also presented. He had a feeling the woman was also doing a personality assessment on him as well when she asked simple questions like what he did in his spare time to unwind, or if he liked to read and what?

 _I really need a drink…_

Sighing heavily he pushed back everything that happened in the last two days to the back of his mind. He could literally feel that his whole body was tense and uncomfortable as the stress from everything was starting to get to him. What if he didn't pass? What if he fucked up and said something on the Oral Exam which screwed his chances for the next two years? He needed to calm himself down. He needed someone to talk to.

Rubbing the back of his neck roughly he opened his omnitool and called the one person who knew him the best. It only took two rings before the screen came on and he was greeted by Taran's smooth smile and calm gaze. Kolyat could already feel a smile spreading across his own lips.

"I was hoping you would call. I wasn't sure when you would finish. How did the test go?"

"I think I did pretty well."

"So is congratulations in order?"

"Not yet, the results will be posted in a few days."

"Modesty does not suit you when it is not needed. I have no doubt you passed." Taran grinned widely and gave him a till of belief and happiness. Kolyat swallowed roughly and tilled back his thanks but changed it to a sound of sadness and distress indicating that he really needed to talk to him about something. Taran gave him a searching look of worry already knowing something was up but blinked it away as something caught his gaze.

"Is that Kolyat?" He heard a female voice call out as Taran looked to the side and grinned again softly, a female Drell joining him on the couch. She slid in gracefully, her shimmering silver dress flowing around her while she moved fluidly in beside him, wrapping her arm around the crook of his elbow beaming brightly at him upon the screen.

Mira Amani was beautiful and exquisitely elegant by his species standards. Tall and lean with the softest shimmer to her scales that started as a pale lavender upon her face and blended towards the deepest purple he had ever seen. She was smart and kind, a firecracker of energy and intelligence.

"Hey Mira." He smiled affectionately emitting a till of greeting and deep friendship.

"Hey Kolyat! So, are you a full-fledged officer now?" She asked in excitement, her lavender eyes sparkling in glee, the lighter lavender irises shining in hope.

"I will know in a few days. I went by the shop after my exam but Taran wasn't there. I was calling to see if you would let him come out and play tonight." Mira smirked as Taran chuckled but shook his head.

"You know we're trying to have a baby right?" Mira clicked her tongue coyly crossing one leg over the other to smooth her dress demurely.

"I think I remember Taran mentioning that to me." He smiled warmly already seeing where this conversation was headed.

"I know you probably want to celebrate, but not tonight…or tomorrow." She looked away a little shyly her frills darkening in embarrassment. Kolyat just grinned. _She's in heat._

"Say no more. I understand. I take it you're both not going to work tomorrow or perhaps the day after?" Kolyat asked and both of them nodded in confirmation.

"Your results are in a few days right? We'll celebrate then, when its official." Taran said as Mira wrapped her arm around him tighter smiling widely humming in agreement.

"We love you Kolyat. We have no doubt that you made it, and we look forward to seeing you in a few days."

"I wish you both the best. Mira is counting on you Taran, don't let her down." Kolyat tilled jokingly making the silver Drell chuckle deeply.

"Well it won't be for a lack of trying, I assure you." Mira hit him playfully and sucked her teeth as Taran whispered to her and she nodded in understanding. Waving her goodbye she got up and walked away leaving the two of them alone. Once she was out of ear shot Taran lowered his voice and stared at him solemnly.

"You okay? What's wrong?" Kolyat looked away and sighed as Taran gave a sound of comfort. However, Kolyat did not want to become a burden on their plans and made a low tremor not to worry.

"Is it that human female? The one you protected at the Unveiling? Did something happen?"

"Don't worry about it right now. We can talk another time. Go give your woman a baby and make me its Ka'dan so I can spoil the shit out of it, and give it a stupid name."

Taran chuckled deeply, his rumbled vocals full of delight and happiness.

"What makes you think I would make you the baby's Ka'dan?"

"Because I'm better looking than your brother and clearly the better choice."

"You're clearly full of shit, but we have to have a baby first before we can choose Ka'dan's."

"Then you better get to it. You have a long night ahead of you." Kolyat snickered as he watched Tarans eyes brighten and his ribbing darken as he grinned.

"Fine…but when we next see each other, you better tell me everything I want to know."

"I'm not telling you shit unless you give your woman a baby." He growled with good intention. Both of them sharing one final snicker before saying their goodbyes.

Kolyat did a quick prayer to Arashu, asking the Goddess to bless his friends with a child knowing that a baby born from them would experience nothing but love and happiness. He sighed when he was done trying to think of who else he would want to hang out with. Clicking on his omnitool he placed a call to Keston.

"Krios. What's going on man?"

"About to head to Purgatory, you want in?"

"Usually I'm all for that but I'm beat. I crammed like a fucking black hole and now my head is killing me. I was about to head to bed. I got a shift in the morning."

"That's what you get for waiting until the last minute to study." Kolyat grinned at the other male.

"Yeah well, go fuck yourself. I'm too tired for a better come back. I think it worked though. Hey…what did you answer for the hostage question? Did you try to shoot the driver or did you let him go and called for backup?"

"I let him go. If you shoot, its reckless endangerment to the hostage, not to mention if your aim is off you can endanger any nearby pedestrians. Also if you shoot the driver and he's on manual the car can crash causing more harm."

"Fuuuuccck! I knew I shouldn't have answered the way I did." Keston groaned in aggravation ruffling his hair and pulling on it until it spiked up haphazardly.

"Fuck this test. I just needed to pass, not ace it."

"I'm sure you passed." Kolyat said reassuringly trying to encourage the human male.

"Thanks man. Yo, I didn't know you were interested in Detective. You could have told me, I wouldn't have said anything. I hope you get it. You kill yourself for this job more than half these dickheads. You deserve it." Kolyat swallowed roughly and glanced away in appreciation from Keston's support.

"Thanks. I'll let you go. You going to Neon Rain the day after tomorrow?"

"Hell fucking yeah, I need to get me some ass after I sleep off this headache. I'll see you there?"

"Yeah, I'll be there."

 _I guess tonight's a solo act._ Kolyat sighed after he hung up with Keston not really willing to call anyone else. His mind shifted to the colorful Drell that still owed him a drink but he figured he would be busy with Shepard. _Probably fucking her again._

He rubbed his eyes and groaned in aggravation, throwing his arms up to flop back against his bed to stare at the white ceiling, doing everything in his power not to think of the beautiful red head and how fucked up he made everything between them now.

Truthfully he didn't even want to go to the club but old habits died hard and he really felt like he needed a drink. The worst kind of defense mechanism. Getting up he grabbed his jacket and made his way out of the apartment and to the bar.

Purgatory was the same as any of the other clubs used to lose yourself for the night. The pulse grinding music that vibrated through the floors into your soul was enough to shake any person to their core. It was all the same to him. The grinding bodies, the cheap women, the watered down drinks. Glancing around he smelled the air, nothing but sex and sweat and the possibilities of pretending you were someone else for just a few hours.

Flagging down the bartender he ordered his first drink, downing it in three heavy gulps before ordering one more. Turning he rested against the edge of the bar waiting for the drink he just downed to work its way into his system as he nursed his second, a group of women catching his attention upon the dance floor.

He watched as they smiled at him three asari's and two human females, one which had a long mane of dark red hair that traveled to her waist. He wondered if it was as soft as Shepard's. He realized he stared too long when the human female tilted her head and indicated for him to join her upon the dance floor. Frowning deeply he glanced away and turned back to face the bar finishing his second drink in one last heavy gulp before signaling for another.

"You might want to slow down on those." He heard a female voice beside him say a dark grey asari with lighter grey freckled spots across her cheeks and neck. Her dark blue eyes staring at him in worry.

" **You** might need to mind your business." He snapped at her grabbing his third drink and taking another deep gulp before staring down into the dark liquid.

"Hard day?" She asked gently making Kolyat scoff and laugh bitterly.

"That's an understatement."

"Need someone to talk to?"

"No offense…but go fuck yourself. I'm not interested."

"Wow you're an asshole. I was trying to be nice."

"No one is ever nice. Everyone always wants something." The female looked at him thoughtfully and nodded in agreement as she reflected on what he said.

"Yeah…you're probably right." She answered sliding in closer to him. One of her fingers sliding over the sleeve of his leather jacket and up his arm. Kolyat glared at her and fought back the urge to hiss in anger.

"You're an asshole but you still look sexy as sin. I'm sure your one hell of a ride. Want to get out of here…so maybe I don't have to go fuck myself?"

Kolyat licked his lips and shook his head in anger. What the fuck was with these women? _You're an exotic lay, nothing more, remember?_ He blinked at the asari slowly, trying his best to swallow down the rocks in his throat.

 _'I don't want you! Can't you get that through your head?'_

"Yeah…fine…let's get out of here. Whatever you want."

"Great." She smiled brightly waiting until he gulped down the rest of his drink to follow closely behind her. Fuck Shepard and giving him a glimpse at something more. This was probably all he was good for, right?

* * *

Two hours later he was cupping his hands full of water to gargle and spit into the hotel bathroom sink. Wishing he was home brushing his teeth and scrubbing the taste of that woman's skin off his tongue. He had licked her without thinking and all he could focus on now was whether he should shower now or wait until he got home. The thought of scrubbing his body clean of her was nagging at him as he washed his face, rubbing his eyes wearily.

 _I have to stop doing this._

When he first started going home with women he was genuinely having fun. Partying hard, drinking hard, fucking even harder and after almost two years of it, he felt like it was starting to get old.

 _Because nothing can compare to her now_.

Kolyat sighed heavily and leaned on the counter and closed his eyes. This is fucking ridiculous. Why was it her that he had to fall for? Ever since he had kissed Shepard he couldn't stop thinking about her. Being with her at the party had changed his whole perspective of her. Even what she said to him didn't make him want her any less. Even the thought of that other drell touching her, kissing her, bringing her to orgasm only made him want to beat the shit out of Feron but still want her. He just had this unrelenting feeling that it should be him instead of Feron.

 _Who the hell are you to think that with a woman you fucked lying several feet away?_ _Fucking hypocrite._

He laughed bitterly pinching the bridge of his nose. He was a hypocrite. It was none of his business who she fucked and vise versa. One thing was sure though, Kolyat couldn't do this anymore. He had to stop going home with random strangers and start focusing on things that really matter. His detective exam was over and he knew he would qualify. He knew that exam book in and out, studied his ass off at every opportunity to make sure he would get the position. Although he didn't know what level he would qualify for. It didn't matter…this was what he truly wanted to do with his life. Protect others, and be something other than a fuck up.

 _No more random strangers. No more fucking around. This was the last time._

Kolyat heard the door behind him, the soft footsteps of the woman approaching. He sighed again deeply. This was it. This really was the last time. The last awkward after meeting. He would get dressed, go home, have one more drink and scrub himself until his scales were raw. After…he was going to permanently put a stop to the bed hopping. It just wasn't doing something for him anymore. None of these woman were making him feel anything but disgust for himself…and he was done with it.

"Just give me another moment. I'll head out soon."

Kolyat murmured in aggravation righting himself as he shut off the water glancing at the asari's face in the mirror as she approached closely behind him. Something suddenly seeming off. His whole body abruptly tensed up, his instincts flaring in warning, something dark flashing in her eyes. He turned around rapidly to push her away but froze as he felt the metal of a gun barrel press against his chest.

"Don't worry…this will only take a moment." The Asari licked her lips and grinned maliciously. The click of a loading sink, the only sound in the silence.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

 _Don't think, just react._

Kolyat lashed out on instinct, grabbed the woman's wrist with enough force to prevent her from pulling the trigger, a grunt of anger and surprise erupting from her throat as her dark blue eyes widened in shock from the sudden movement. Spinning sideways out of her line of sight, he pulled her forward and off balance to slam his elbow into her nose. He felt her head jerk back, a crack and a howl, as the metal of the gun hit the floor in a loud clank against the tiles.

He watched her hands fly forward to break her fall upon the rim of the sink, her legs jerking to support her weight, leaving Kolyat with just enough time to dart away. A screech of rage flew from her lips while she righted herself and spun to swing her fist wildly towards him. He blocked her hit and caught her leg just as she brought it up to give him a swift kick to the groin. Kolyat pushed her roughly to the ground realizing he fucked up when she started reaching for the nearby gun, scrambling haphazardly to wrap her fingers around it.

In a panic he lunged forward and grabbed her foot pulling her away just as her fingertips reached for the pistol yanking her as hard as he could out of reach, leaving him tumbling back off balance, her free foot kicked him in the cheek. The force momentarily dazed him as he fought against a wave of dizziness to grab her wrists while she struggled against him for the gun. Kolyat knew he was faster and stronger but this Asari was clearly trained.

"Why are you trying to kill me?" He gritted out as she got one hand free to strike him across the face again. The sharp pain making him grimace as his anger flared forcing him to spin her around. He saw the blue glow on her hands, her biotics flaring to life ready to strike. The energy scorched his hand, the burn making him flinch back slightly giving her enough leverage to reach for the gun again. Her arms flailing wildly against him.

Kolyat felt himself shut down, his mind going blank just as he grabbed her around the neck and placed her in a choke hold her hands coming up to grab at his arm frantically as her feet kicked out violently to get away. Agony jolted through his body while the sting from the biotics traveled through his nerve endings until he squeezed the crook of his forearm with all his strength and grabbed the side of her neck to twist roughly. A moment later all movement ceased, and all he could do was let her go as the first wave of dismay swept through him, just as her body hit the tiled floor.

He tried his best to control his body, a violent shake going through him as he crawled out into the bedroom trying to find anything to grasp onto. He couldn't look back and closed his eyes as a wave of dread turned his stomach into raging spiral of uncertainty. His fingers griped the edge of the bed, his palms bunching the material under his palms while he pulled his body slightly upon it to steady the ground that felt like it was pulling him down.

Taking a moment to suck in deep breaths he spun slowly and sat upon the floor, waiting a moment before he attempted to open his eyes. Forced to stare at the body of the woman he had just killed, bile rising in his throat. Her back was to him and the bright artificial lights of the bathroom did nothing but illuminate every curve of her half-dressed body upon the floor.

 _Shit…what am I supposed to do now?_

Kolyat's mind went blank in panic. This was the first time he had ever killed someone without a contract, a tool for someone else. Hitman, C-Sec, Shepard…all had been under the agreement made between parties or agencies. This woman…she was the first he had done willingly. A stain that would forever be on his soul. He licked his lips, his throat suddenly feeling parched without compare, a dry heave bursting from his mouth as he brought his legs up and tilted his head between his knees. His soul was now tainted.

His mind raced with a thousand questions, a thousand uncertainties. He knew he needed to find out who she was, he never asked her name. He didn't care enough to know, he didn't even want to leave with her. He never should have…

Kolyat covered his face with his hand, rubbing his eyes roughly before expelling a frustrated breath. He needed to call someone for help, but who? It wasn't like he could leave her here. His prints were all over the room, not to mention her body. Hotel security would find her and it would lead straight to him once they found his DNA on her. Should he chance reporting this?

He had just finished his final exam, if he called this into C-Sec, it would turn into an investigation. He would be disqualified and put back on probation if he was considered suspect or put under observation for any open case. This was murder, despite self-defense, but could he really prove that? Could he chance the possibility and try to attest that she had come after him? If he couldn't, then he would be suspended because of probation or worse, disqualified from detective, kicked out of C-Sec. He already knew being considered Bailey's pet had made him a lot of enemies. A lot of them would be delighted in his failure.

Maybe if he just called Bailey…no…he had enough on his plate to be involved in anymore shady shit. He would have to get C-Sec involved and no matter what, either he or Kolyat would be put under observation. There was no way he would be able to finish helping Claire and the kids if he was continuously followed and monitored. He owed it to Bailey, he couldn't let him down.

Perhaps Shepard? Kolyat thought a moment as he opened his omnitool, his hand wavering over the button to call her. She used to be a Specter and he had a feeling she had friends in high places, many in bad too. He just didn't want to be indebted to her again. She had saved him once, he couldn't bring himself to have her do it again. The last conversation had made it blatantly clear how pissed she was at him. She probably wouldn't even pick up his call if he tried.

After another moment, he placed his fingers hitting a name on his contact list before he had another thought. After the third ring the call picked up.

"You finally decided to return my call? Your making me feel like a stalker."

Kolyat stared blankly at the screen, he didn't even know where to begin. He licked his lips and swallowed roughly realizing he was unable to speak, a low till of distress the only thing he could muster. Feron blinked as his face turned solemn his hazel eyes darkening as his cheerful disposition shifted to somber recognition.

"What's wrong?"

"I…I need your help…" He barely croaked out, his voice just above a whisper.

"Where are you?" Feron asked sternly waiting patiently as Kolyat gave him the address of the hotel and room number. A second later he told him to sit tight and that he was on his way.

He sat their quietly unmoving. He knew he needed to search the woman's onmi-tool and figure out why she had tried to kill him. Was it just a random coincidence or did she come after him on purpose? Kolyat took a moment and went back through his memory of their meeting, the recall of their evening leaving his lips on a quickened whisper of solipsism. He had been so distracted with wanting to lose himself that he had been oblivious to his surroundings. He had been careless to the point of idiocy. He should have paid attention, should have known something was off about her. He never should have went to the club in the first place.

Just as the memory was coming to an end, he heard a knock on the door. Getting up steadily he grabbed his pistol from his discarded holster on the floor and leaned against the side of the entryway. Taking a steady breath to calm himself he manually opened the door slightly to check who it was, relief washing over him the moment he saw the colorful Drell right outside.

Feron glanced at him slowly, taking note of the half buttoned pants that hung low on his hips and his shoeless and topless state. He knew what thoughts were going through his head as he opened the door just enough to allow him to pass by and into the room. He glanced at Kolyat one more time as he lowered his weapon and locked the door. A hum coming from Feron's throat as he moved deeper into the room and glanced into the bathroom.

"Rough night?" His voice changed, bordering on humor once he took a long look in the bathroom and turned back to stare at him, smiling widely.

"Yeah, you could say that." He answered evenly, moving around the room to start grabbing the rest of his clothes. He buttoned his pants and threw his vest on, his gaze never leaving the hazel hues of the other male before him.

"She tried to kill me."

"Well that didn't turn out exactly how she planned, I imagine." Feron chuckled turning to move towards the bathroom towards her. His light disposition in regards to the situation already calming him. Perhaps calling him was the right thing to do?

"Any idea who she is?"

"No…I just picked her up at Purgatory. I never asked her name." Kolyat started fastening his holster and approached the bathroom watching as the other Drell knelt down to grab her omnitool. He did his best to avoid touching her and let her hand fall uncaringly as he pulled the device from her without a second glance.

"Maybe you were just a random mark. Did she know you were a cop?"

"Yeah, she saw my badge when I took off my jacket, the C-Sec insignia on my gun. She didn't pay it any mind. Nothing seemed suspicious."

Feron nodded and got to his feet, opening up the programs on her omnitool and linked it to his. Kolyat could see all of the security programs being hacked through on her screen while Feron typed quickly and began sorting through data. Just as Kolyat went to grab his jacket he heard his voice again approaching him in the bedroom.

"You were targeted." Kolyat turned back towards Feron at his confirmed declaration, grimacing as he met his gaze while he came from the bathroom still searching through information on the omnitool. A million questions starting to surface again, only one most prominent.

"Why?"

"Her name is Lamalin Ara'tay…there's a lot of information here…it's going to take some time to sort out."

"How long?"

"I need a few hours at least."

Kolyat sighed and rubbed the back of his neck impatiently, he wanted answers now and a few hours was too long to figure out what to do with her.

"This is your fault you do realize that, right?"

"What?" Kolyat hissed in rising ire. Gritting his teeth in anger, growling out a warning to the other drell. Feron snickered crossing his arms over his chest.

"She did warn you didn't she? You were with Shepard at the Unveiling. I saw the news feed. Drell sex God and all that. You're considered associated to her now, more so then you were before. Did you really think this wouldn't affect you when you agreed to be seen with her? People are going to want to know who you are, others might want to kill you to get to her."

"Do you think she was an assassin?"

"No…you might not be alive if she was..."

"I was able to handle her." Kolyat growled as Feron closed the omnitool and shoved it in his pocket taking out something else and tossing it at him. Kolyat caught the item in the air and glanced down at it; a dose of medigel.

"Clearly. You should apply that before your scales scar. Females prefer their males unmarked."

Something flashed across his face briefly before he glanced back into the bathroom. Kolyat sighed out his thanks and sat down on the bed heavily, ripping open the top of the omnigel, hissing slightly while he applied it to his burnt arm and hand. The scales slowly knitting together while the effects of the gel worked. Glancing up at Feron he took another deep breath unsure of what to do next.

"Do you have any ideas?"

"First things first. You need to get her dressed so we can get her out of here. Make sure nothing's left behind."

Kolyat nodded gravely and snatched his jacket to put it on before grabbing the woman's discarded dress and heading to the bathroom. He swallowed roughly as he approached slowly, staring down at her lifeless body and the damage he had caused. He made sure to commit every detail to memory. The shade of her skin right before her coloring would change as the heat left her body. Her dull half lidded eyes, the slack expression and the odd angle her head now laid upon the tiles. He wanted to make sure he could always recall his fuck up and the reason his soul was now tainted. Grimacing he bent down and started to dress her, hearing the gentle footsteps of Feron approaching again.

"Do you have any preference of what you would like to do?"

Kolyat was silent as Feron handed him her shoes, slipping her feet into the black heels buckling them over her ankles. After he was done he placed her hands over her stomach and bowed his head in prayer. He thanked Amonkira for allowing him to survive but asked forgiveness from Arashu for willingly taking a life. The urge to cleanse himself weighed heavily on his heart. After a few more verses he opened his eyes and stared at the woman almost unseeing. His mind made up.

"You're good at making things disappear, right?" His voice didn't feel like his own.

"Never to be found again." Feron hummed in acceptance, his till indicating a willingness to help him. Feron instructed him to grab the woman and hold her against him bridal style, making sure the high collar of her dress hid the deep bruise on her neck, her eyes pushed closed, hands resting on her lap as if she were asleep.

"You have everything?" He asked, waiting for Kolyat to nod following him towards the entrance, waiting for instruction. He was putting everything he had in the trust of the other male. What other choice did he really have?

Feron stood close to him and reached into his pocket once they were ready to leave, producing a small smooth oval piece of metal. Walking to the center of the room he placed it down upon the floor and opened his omnitool hitting a few buttons before making his way back to Kolyat once more, his attention fixated on the screen.

"What are you doing?" Kolyat asked in interest, watching as Feron brought up a multitude of elaborate sequences and coding mechanics.

"Getting rid of the evidence." He replied tapping a few more buttons quickly. A moment later the small piece of metal began to shake and bend in on itself. Tiny legs and arms slipping out of the folds it created. The tiny piece of technology glowed slightly as it lifted itself off the floor and into the air, a tiny beam scanning the floor before it. More beams erupted from the tiny crevices as it continued to bend and fold as it moved around the room. Scanning every surface within the unit rapidly, under the bed, over the sheets, within corners. When it finished with the main room it moved onto the bathroom.

"It's erasing any traces of DNA left behind by either you, myself or the female. The room will be completely clean once it's done. Just don't touch anything on the way out."

"That's remarkable. How did you get something like that?" He knew DNA cleansing mechanics existed when places were sterilized but those were only special modifications in cleaning technology and biometric scanners installed in decontamination units. Usually those were too large to be hidden and the proper licenses and permits were needed to own one.

"I made it." Feron grinned with a sense of pride, glancing at him as he hit a few more buttons on his omnitool calling the tiny machine back to him. The metal crevices pulling everything in and sealing as it dropped itself gently into the center of his half leather gloved hand.

"You ready to make this happen?" The colorful drell turned to him solemnly glancing at the woman in his arms.

"You know…I'm actually a little surprised she waited until after to try and kill you. I would have done it in the middle of sex when you least expected it."

There was no reason to hide the fact from what he had done. He knew Feron could smell his orgasm in the air and the female all over him. He could even still smell traces of Shepard all over the other male still. However, the scents were not recent. Meaning wherever the other male had been when he called, he hadn't been fucking Shepard again.

"I didn't really give her an opportunity to touch me. I kept her on her knees…face buried into the pillows. Honestly, I didn't even want to look at her."

He expected a thousand rude comments or perhaps a joke or two but the look in Feron's eyes was anything but light hearted mirth. Darkness passed through his gaze as he glanced back down at the woman frowning.

"It makes sense then. Attacking you after was her only open window." Without another word he turned and motioned for him to follow. They moved through the hotel quickly and quietly, Feron's gaze constantly on his omnitool hesitating for moments before turning corners and corridors even as they moved out the back and into the alleyways.

They traveled in silence but Kolyat feared the pounding of his heart was so loud that the other male would hear it, or worse, smell the fear and panic that radiated off of him in waves of anxiety. Would they get caught? Would Feron really be able to help him pull this off? When they reached another deserted corridor Kolyat started having an idea that the program Feron was staring at so intently, making them pause and wait at awkward moments, was actually the security feed to the wards.

"Wait." Feron spoke again sternly glancing around the corner and upwards before pulling back around the wall.

He clicked buttons rapidly on his omnitool, confirming his suspicions as his screen erupted with a multitude of video angles that he quickly started sorting through. As time crawled on Kolyat grew more and more anxious, glancing every which way as nervousness gripped his chest. He couldn't wait to be rid of the woman in his arms and completely away from this area. He just prayed that wherever Feron was taking him it would help protect his future.

"Okay, all the cameras from here to our destination are frozen for a few moments. We have just enough time to reach it."

He motioned for Kolyat to follow and kept silent as he adjusted his hold on the female and remained close as they weaved and twisted through more passageways and abandoned areas. Glancing over to Feron's omnitool he saw the grid of cameras and terminals that fed into security footage as he monitored it closely. C-Sec always relied heavily on this system and Feron had hacked through it with exceptional ease. Was the system just flawed, or was Feron just that good?

When they reached another corner he waited like all the others as Feron peeked around the bend and then back against the wall. This time a worried look blanketing his face.

"There's a C-Sec officer standing near the entrance to the street we have to go down."

Kolyat stayed in the shadows and glanced around Feron to see where he was trying to take him and saw an officer leaning against the wall drinking a cup of steaming liquid as he read something on his omnitool comfortably. He immediately recognized him as one of the newest officers that had just come off of probation a few months prior, newly assigned to the lower wards.

"I know him." Kolyat murmured which made Feron nod gravely, hazel eyes narrowing in contemplation.

"Think we can slip past him? Any chance he might not recognize you?"

"No. We had several training classes together and it's not like there's a lot of Drells in C-Sec to get me confused with someone else."

"It's your fucking scales. Your coloring is too exotic, you're too noticeable." Feron clicked his tongue rudely and sighed, glancing around the corner again before pulling back with a loud breath of annoyance as he met Kolyat's gaze.

"Say's the talking bag of Earth candy." He retorted, growling in mirth.

"Is that jealousy I hear in your voice now?"

"You wish." He scoffed exchanging a grin with the other drell momentarily feeling a little less anxious. "Is their anyway around him? Another route perhaps?"

"Too much of a detour. You got any ideas? I would prefer not to kill him."

"What?" Kolyat blinked in shock. He couldn't believe the other male would suggest such a thing so easily.

"We're not going to kill him. He's a nice guy, and he just had a baby." Kolyat hissed, tilling his immense displeasure at Feron's remark. The other male grinned and tilled back a sound of joking intent making Kolyat rumble back in irritation. What the hell was with this guy?

"If you're not serious, don't make comments like that." Kolyat growled shifting the woman in his arms towards Feron who grabbed her cautiously and frowned as his gaze shifted from her to him, clearly annoyed.

"I would have preferred not to touch her."

"Just shut up and follow my lead. I have an idea." Kolyat motioned, ready to take a step out of the darkness.

"Why should I trust you enough not to turn me in as soon as I leave this alleyway with a dead woman in my arms while we approach a C-Sec officer? I don't even think **I** could talk my way out of that one."

Kolyat hesitated and blinked at him in alarm, that line of thought never even occurring to him. He heard the hesitancy in Feron's vocals, the uncertainty in his eyes as he glanced from Kolyat and then to the other end of the pathway they had just come from. Was he looking for an escape route? Did he believe that he would turn on him like that? Kolyat put his hand on the other drells upper arm just as his vocals tilled in anxiety.

"You could have left me in that hotel room when you saw what had happened, but you didn't. I need you Feron. I won't leave you or betray you. Not when you already went out of your way for me, on several occasions. Trust me…just like I trust you. I would have never called you for help if I didn't think otherwise."

"I only went out of my way because Shepard asked me to. She's the only one who has never deceived or betrayed me." Something flashed over Feron's face as he swallowed roughly and looked away. Pain laced with loneliness. He could tell that things in his past weighed heavily on him too. Was this another reason that Shepard introduced them? Those who knew suffering could rely on those that have experienced the same pain? The rare few that could understand without judgement?

"Let me be the second." Kolyat tilled sternly, the truthful deep rumble of his vocals catching the other drell off guard. Feron swallowed thickly, hazel irises brightening as he narrowed his eyes and searched his expression scrupulously. Kolyat stared back at him openly, his throat contracting to give him another hum of trust and candid intent. After another moment of searching silence, Feron nodded his acceptance although somewhat reluctantly. Kolyat had a feeling he didn't fully believe him yet.

"Fine…let's just get this over with." He mumbled in annoyance shifting the woman in his arms more comfortably as he motioning his chin to lead the way. Kolyat gave him another till of reassurance which made him sigh and nod, sticking closely behind him.

The human male glanced up from his omnitool as they started to approach, pulling the cup down from his lips he moved away from the wall leisurely, his stature changing to alertness the moment his eyes landed on the female in Feron's arms. However, the moment he recognized Kolyat his disposition eased immensely.

"You're Kolyat Krios, right?"

"That's right. You're Joel Masters." He forced a smile upon his lips and held out is hand to shake in greeting.

"Hey! You remembered!" The man smiled brightly but eyed Feron and the woman in his arms in budding distress.

"Is everything okay?" Joel asked in concern his gaze shifting between the three of them. Kolyat hummed in disinterest before looking back at Feron almost casually.

"Hm? Oh, Lin….Yeah everything is fine. It was her birthday. She drank a little too much. Just dropping her home and calling it a night, got a shift in the morning."

"You sure? I could call medical if you need." Joel asked helpfully glancing at the woman a little more thoroughly. Kolyat moved in front of his line of sight to grab his attention off the woman and back towards him. How good was human eye sight? Was it sharp enough to tell when someone was recently deceased?

"It's not the first time it's happened." Feron spoke up grinning, shifting the woman in his arms to make sure she was cradled against him, her face leaning on his chest.

"Lin's a light weight." Kolyat added, trying to keep their story going. "We tried to tell her three was too many. She'll be fine once she sleeps it off." Joel chuckled and smiled widely glancing around before checking his omnitool again and then closing it.

"I have some time, do you want some help?"

"No." Kolyat replied a little too curtly making Joel narrow his eyes at him in curiosity.

"Thank you, but we're gonna get an earful from Lin's girlfriend once we get there. You shouldn't get caught up in that kind of drama." Feron spoke up quickly humming toward him. "Besides Kolyat and I want some alone time after we drop her off, if you get what I mean."

Kolyat tilled in anger as he glanced at Feron, frowning while Joel turned his head and coughed in surprise as the human grinned, mirroring Feron's toothy smile. _What the fuck? How long is that going to take to get around the station now?_

"Yeah…what he said." Kolyat sighed rubbing the back of his neck, knowing he had to keep playing along avoiding any more suspicion.

"Awww, don't get all embarrassed." Feron teased beginning to walk away towards the street they needed to go down, his mouth angling to dip closer to him and whisper just before he passed.

"If you're a good boy I'll even tie you up while I give it to you hard from behind. I know how much you love that." He chuckled walking away, a loud hiss erupted from Kolyat as he shook his head watching him walk away coolly. The human male's eyes widening in shock.

"Fuck, what is the matter with you?" He growled towards Feron who shrugged and kept walking. This was definitely not going to help his reputation. He pinched the bridge of his nose and released an aggravated breath. _Fucking Feron._

"Sorry…he can get a little…vocal." Kolyat mumbled as he met Joel's gaze who was struggling to contain a grin.

"Don't worry about it. Go have your fun. I'll see you around. Just get your friend home safe, and be careful."

"I…don't tell anyone you saw me…" Kolyat bowed respectfully, the human male crossed his arms over his chest chuckling in agreement.

"We never saw each other." He nodded in understanding.

"Thanks…" Kolyat said warily bowing slightly again as they exchanged pleasantries moving quickly to catch up to Feron. Just when he reached his side he heard Joel call out his name one more time. He stopped and turned around hesitantly trying to control his heart from racing out of control, fighting to keep his expression neutral. He heard Feron till in warning but knew the sound could not be heard by the other male.

"I forgot to say good luck. I heard a rumor you applied for detective. I hope you get it and congrats if you do." Kolyat nodded and thanked him, giving him a half wave of farewell as he followed closely beside Feron and turned down a side street slipping into another deserted corridor. When they were certain Joel wasn't following them Kolyat hummed in displeasure again.

"What the fuck! I can't believe you said that in front of him. I work hard to keep my personal and professional life separate. Now everyone at the station is probably going to find out that 'I like it hard from behind'."

"Who cares, at least everyone will know you're getting laid. Besides, what the hell was a C-Sec officer doing in this area? This isn't part of your normal jurisdiction. A thousand credits, he was up to something himself. We probably did each other a favor."

Kolyat glanced back to the mouth of the ally way as Feron's words fully sunk in. Why _**was**_ Joel here? And where the fuck was his partner if he was on patrol? Just as Kolyat started to dwell on that proposition, Feron growled at him for his attention.

"Here, take this." Feron frowned shoving the woman back into his arms uncaringly not in the least bit concerned if Kolyat dropped her before turning to open a door with a warning label for maintenance personnel only, half hidden behind a stack of large storage containers.

Kolyat sighed quietly as he remained close behind him. Feron was right the more he thought abou it. If he was presented with the choice of having a worse reputation or being dismissed from C-Sec under murder charges, he would let the whole Citadel know he liked the rough stuff. They continued on in silence, twisting and turning as Feron lead him down a maze of corridors and descending staircases until they reached a large locked door with multiple key pads and safety warnings.

"What is this place?" Kolyat asked in curiosity watching Feron pause before the door and open his omnitool again. Was he about to hack the door?

 _What the fuck? Can he control the whole Citadel from that thing?_

"This door leads to an area that contains the power generators for this section of the wards."

The panel suddenly turned green and opened before them, a flood of blinding lights erupting through the threshold making him glance down from the bright glow beyond the darkness of the hallway as his eyes adjusted. Before Kolyat could react Feron was already walking through the opening and onto a catwalk.

Kolyat hesitated as he walked through the door which immediately sealed behind him leading towards a pathway that ended in a balcony. The blue and white glows of electric currents ran around them like live wires illuminating the area in bright swirling bolts of energy. He approached the end slowly, watching Feron put his hand on the bannister and stare over it.

"You ready for this?" He asked calmly glancing at him evenly waiting until he made his way towards the edge and glance over. The drop seemed endless but energy coursed through several floors of lasers and beams with power-driven charges of currents across live feeds of antennas and energy holders.

"Do you want me to do it?" Feron offered quietly assessing his demeanor.

Kolyat suddenly felt sick, bile rising in his throat as he hummed in denial and adjusted his hold on the Asari in his arms. He glanced down at her and swallowed roughly. He wanted to remember the weight of his fuck up and bad decision making that left him with a sear upon his soul.

"Are you sure no one is going to find her?"

"The beams are going to vaporize her before she hits the bottom. Only keepers run this area, inspections are done quarterly by maintenance staff but there won't be anything left behind to look for."

 _Fuck…why did he even know about a place like this?_

Kolyat licked his lips and nodded in understanding positioning himself at the edge of the bannister to lift her over the edge. He thought he would have felt more remorse for what he was about to do, uncaringly destroying the body of someone he killed. He stared down at her one more time another wave of nausea flowing over him as he realized how empty he felt about the whole situation. The only thing that worried him now was how quickly he wanted this over and done with.

He let her go and turned away without another glance.

Sighing he sat heavily upon the floor bringing his knees up to rest his hands upon them as he leaned against the solid safety railing. Taking a deep breath he closed his eyes and tilted his head back against the wall trying to control the sickening feeling from rising in his stomach even further.

 _Back arched, knees apart. Fingers digging roughly into the flesh of warm hips. A moan escapes her mouth. Walls tightening around my slickened member-_

Kolyat let out a grunt of aggravation as he banged his head against the wall to stop the memory from continuing. Exhaling deeply he rubbed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, hearing the soft shift of leather as Feron sat down beside him.

"You okay?"

"Yeah" He said roughly his voice cracking as another wave a nausea overwhelmed him.

"Try not to throw up. It would be bad if you left a DNA trail. This isn't exactly the type of place a C-Sec recruit should be in without a valid reason."

"I'll be okay. I just need a moment."

"It's understandable. Just think of it as being, it was either you or her."

"That's not exactly what's on my mind." Feron hummed in contemplation as he reflected on Kolyat's words.

"Your handling this better than I thought you would. It's never easy the first time."

"You have experience with this? Killing someone willingly? I could have stopped…I could have probably disarmed her…I could have controlled myself better, I could have-"

"Stop. It's over now." Feron tilled sternly. Kolyat could feel himself slipping into panic the more he thought about it, but Feron's throat vibrated soothingly towards him, forcing a calmness to wash over him. They stayed silent for several moments until Kolyat glanced at him again in curiosity, his anxiety finally washing away.

"Is it bad that I don't feel any regret?" He asked on a whisper as if he was revealing a dark secret. The one thing that worried him the most, the darkness hidden within him.

"No. She tried to kill you, fuck her." Feron hissed waving his hand dismissively as he snorted in distaste. "Is that the reason you feel sick? Because you don't regret what you did?"

"I keep thinking how a few hours ago she was begging me to make her cum… and now she's dead, because I killed her and I don't care that I did."

"I think that's called Irony." Feron snorted in amusement.

"No…The real irony was that right before she attacked me I decided that this would be the last time I would hook up with a stranger for the night. How tired I was of it. How empty it made me feel."

"I…understand." Feron replied slowly humming empathetically. "But…maybe you feel that way because you already have your mind set on someone else?"

"I don't want to talk about that." Kolyat replied abruptly, nausea giving away to anger.

"She talks in her sleep." Feron continued, ignoring his remark. Kolyat closed his eyes and tilled in aggravation. He really was not in the mood to discuss this right now. He didn't want to know what Shepard did in her sleep, because that would point out the fact that Feron had shared her bed and experienced these things that he still wanted to beat the shit out of him for.

"She fights nightmares that she is powerless against. I think she has panic attacks but does her best to suppress them."

"Why are you telling me this? That's private shit between you and her." Kolyat growled in warning, he was approaching his threshold.

"Well…I figured if you were able to handle someone from killing you then I thought maybe you might be able to handle Shepard. Although she's a little more terrifying."

"Just a little?" Kolyat smirked unable to hide the mirth in his vocals as he glanced at Feron and then quickly away.

"Okay, a lot." Feron laughed heartily the ridiculousness of their conversation and his rollercoaster of emotions in a short span making his own chuckle to vibrate through his throat cheerlessly. Why did he suddenly feel ten years older? Why did he suddenly feel so tired?

"Honestly…I'm glad you're okay though…Shepard…a part of her was lost when Thane died, you know? I think she would have gone crazy if she found out something happened to you."

Kolyat swallowed roughly not wanting to explore the possibilities of what was hidden in Feron's words. The hope that perhaps she cared about him more than she was letting on. He knew losing Thane had taken her soul. He saw the signs of the struggle she was going through. The Unveiling had shown him a glimpse of the devouring darkness inside of her. Her warning's had brought his attention to the fact that even if it was unending, part of him…a big part of him, wanted to embrace it for her. So she wouldn't be alone.

"At least I have no doubt she would have sought retribution." His comment was meant as a joke but the grave look in Feron's eyes was far from the light hearted response he was expecting.

"Yeah…but unlike Thane…she wouldn't have stopped at the people involved. She would have killed their families too. Only the children would have been safe…to a degree." Kolyat stared at him in bewilderment. There was no way she was that ruthless.

"She wouldn't…" Kolyat trailed off in uncertainty listening as Feron hummed with a sound of belief while he quirked his eyeridge tilting his head thoughtfully to the side before looking away.

"You believe whatever helps you sleep at night. Even if it's not true. Do you think Thane was attracted only to her looks? Perhaps her title or finesse? He didn't seem superficial. There's more to her than that."

"I know that." Kolyat snapped, growling in ire.

"Good." Feron tilled back at him callously. "Because you're going to have to remember that if you're going to be able to handle her now."

 _Handle her? What the fuck?_

"What exactly are you implying? That you're done with her? That she's just something to be used and passed off?" He watched Feron grin heartlessly, heard the offensive click of his tongue and the subharmonic's in his throat.

"Maybe I am. I thought you liked her? It could be your turn now."

It had taken him a long time to deal with his temperamental emotions. He had come a long way since first coming to the Citadel and Kolyat knew when he was on the verge of losing it. He knew he shouldn't be giving in to what he wanted to do to the other male, but he couldn't control the rage that coursed through every vein in his body. How dare he disrespect her in such a way!

Turning quickly he grabbed Feron's jacket and bunched it beneath his palms. In rising fury he pulled him forward and slammed his back against the metal railing, growling in anger. Feron blinked in alarm, narrowing his eyes as Kolyat let out a low snarl of warning when the colorful drell grabbed his wrists in crushing strength. The pain in his arms fueled the rush of adrenaline that blanketed his nerve endings and blinded him from everything but his anger. The calming prayers of the priests be damned in this moment.

"What the fuck is the matter with you? She is not a toy to be passed around!" Kolyat pulled him forward again and slammed him back against the railing once more, this time even harder. Feron hissed loudly in displeasure increasing the pressure on his wrists to the point of excruciating pain, the point right before bones crushed into breaking.

 _Fuck he's stronger than he look's._

"I never said I was going to pass her around." Feron growled darkly only fueling Kolyat's resentment by his blatant lie.

"But you implied it."

"We were just having a good time last night. It meant nothing."

Kolyat saw red in his vision, instinct blinding everything else as a tremor racked his body. This was it, the last push, and he was unable to control himself any longer. Kolyat snarled loudly, pulled back and punched Feron across the cheek, watching in pleasure as the impact made his head snap to the side with a till of pain from the male in his grasp. He was in the process of pulling his hand back for another blow before unrelenting agony erupted and shot through his upper chest like a torrent of lightening. He glanced down to see Feron's knee come down from the impact leaving him momentarily stunned.

Gasping in distress from the force of the blow, his grip on Feron faltered momentarily, the leathers beneath his palm's loosening just enough to give the other male the upper hand. Kolyat realized to late as another bout of agonizing pain shot like a fire bolt through his face as Feron's head connected with his nose. The sting was sharp and overwhelming, heat and anguish flowing over his skin, but he refused to lose his leverage. Shooting his hand out he grabbed the other Drells neck and twisted his body, adjusting his hold he threw Feron to the ground landing another punch across his mouth in the process.

Feron groaned and grunted in pain, blood flowing to the surface of his split lip, gurgling out a choking noise as Kolyat increased the pressure on his windpipe angling his fingers under his hyoid bone. Another sharp pain erupted over his side startling him as he felt himself being turned and flipped over Feron's head with a foot into his stomach suddenly landing on his back. He struggled and tightened his grip, refusing for even a moment to lose his hold.

Swiftly Feron straddled him, holding him down into place just as he palmed the familiar metal beneath his jacket while Feron pushed a pistol against the side of his temple. Kolyat hesitated and hissed in displeasure, unable to move. Where the hell did this guy receive his training?

 _He mentioned he was part of the compact, remember?_

"You need to calm the fuck down. I don't care if Shepard has feelings for you or if your Thanes son. I will kill you if you push me too hard."

 _She has feelings for me?_ He didn't have time to dwell on the possibilities hidden in Feron's words.

"Do you really think you've won?" Kolyat spat clicking the safety off of his gun as he increased the pressure of his own pistol against Feron's side. The colorful Drell smirked down at him as he glanced at the gun in Kolyats' hand, pausing momentarily until he licked his split lip and chuckled.

"Not bad…not bad at all."

"I wasn't looking for your approval."

"No…just like I wasn't looking for yours." They both studied each other for several long heartbeats until Feron gave him a wide toothy grin and clicked his safety back in place. Holstering it beneath his jacket he put his hands upon his hips and waited for Kolyat to move his own gun from against him. After another moment Kolyat removed his and Feron got up quickly and held his hand out to him smoothly.

"I guess trust is out the window now."

"Fuck you, we were just having a disagreement."

"I see…Come on." Feron said impatiently stressing for him to take it. After another heartbeat Kolyat took the other man's hand hesitantly and let him pull him up to his feet in one quick swift motion.

"We need to get out of here. Don't bleed on the floor." The drell said sternly, his own fingers running across the blood on his lip looking at his hand to see how bad the damage was. Kolyat smiled cruelly at the damage he caused but the fire flowing through his face made him falter when he touched his nose feeling moisture coat his fingertips. When he pulled them back they were coated in blood. Sucking his teeth in displeasure he growled at the other male.

"You could have broken my nose, asshole."

"You sucker punched me and then tried to choke me, and _**I'm**_ the asshole? You're lucky I didn't shoot you."

"You're lucky I didn't shoot _ **you**_." Kolyat tilled in serious warning.

"Enough with the pissing contest, you made your point. I think we both need a drink now."

Kolyat sucked his teeth and pulled out the small tube of medigel from his pocket, taking a small portion and then shoving it against Feron's chest. As they started to walk out Kolyat could already feel the knitting of his skin and sharp bite of the healing as the medicine worked its magic. He smirked when he heard Feron suck in a harsh breath as he applied it to his lip.

"You know, I have to give it to you. You know exactly what to say to push people." Kolyat glanced back at him as they approached the end of the hallway leading towards the ally way.

"Was that your half assed attempt at an apology?"

"You wish it was."

"Yeah…well, I was always told my mouth got me into trouble. Or that people didn't take me seriously because of it."

Pain flashed through Feron's eyes before it quickly disappeared behind a blank stare. Kolyat hesitated as he opened the door, noticing the other male's attention on everything but directly at him. Suddenly something seemed to click into place and his whole perception of the male suddenly shifted. They were too much alike.

 _Did he say those things on purpose?_

* * *

Forty-Five minutes later Kolyat was leaning his arms against a railing looking out over the lower levels of the Presidium. The lights and movement below hypnotizing as his mind tried to ease into tranquil resolve. He did his best to keep his thoughts empty while the stresses of the last two days eased from his tight muscles and raging emotions.

"Here." Feron murmured coming up beside him nudging his arm slightly.

Kolyat turned and glanced at him, hazel eyes soft with an undercurrent of analytical searching. He took the cup that was offered to him, slight steam wafting from the top, an aroma of jisu leaves.

"It's not as good as the place we met at yesterday, but it will do."

"No umbrella?" Kolyat frowned making the other male grin widely as he came up beside him leaning against the rail. His gaze moving over the scenery.

"Next time. I don't think we need those kinds of drinks right now."

Kolyat hummed in agreement, turning it to a sound of thanks as he took the cup and brought it to his lips. He could smell the undertones of hibiscus but the taste was not as he was used to. The flavors were only slight and lacked spice or maybe he was just spoiled by the rich abundance of the aromas and flavors from Emily's shop. Her teas were the best he had ever tasted. How much your perceptions change when you have already tasted perfection. An image of Shepard came to mind which he quickly pushed away, grimacing when he took another sip.

"I warned you it's not as good." Feron chuckled bringing his own cup to his lips, drinking deeply. Kolyat watched him, humming gently to get his attention. Soft green eyes swirled with speckled hues catching the light shining gold as they landed back on him patiently.

"Sorry I hit you so hard." Kolyat murmured gravely tilling in sincerity. He expected Feron to be angry or growl back but instead he laughed and waved a hand dismissively.

"You being serious right now? You've probably been waiting for an excuse since you first smelled me on her."

"Actually, yeah." He admitted without shame. This time Feron sucked his teeth in slight irritation but the smile never left his lips.

"I've also been thinking..." Kolyat continued meeting his gaze again in determination.

"Sounds like I should be worried."

"It's about what you said before."

"You have to be more specific. I tend to say a lot of things."

Kolyat paused for a moment taking another sip of his tea to gather his thoughts. Now that he had some time to reflect on Feron's earlier behavior and the irregularity of certain aspects of his words and inconsistency of his actions he started to realize that the other male was doing it on purpose. Most likely to gauge the reaction he would get out of him.

"You said that Shepard was the only one to never betray you. That you trust her...what you said before about using her...you we're lying. You were trying to get me upset on purpose. Why?"

Feron was quiet for a long moment. When he almost thought Feron wasn't going to answer him at all, he sighed loudly.

"I wanted to see if there was more to it then lust on your part."

"Shouldn't I be asking you the same thing?"

He smiled again and looked down, attentive understanding resonating from his posture.

"There's nothing serious between Shepard and me. I mean...I would have liked there to be. What male doesn't want something when presented with a chance, especially with her...but it wouldn't be fair to either of us right now...and I value her friendship before anything else. I would do anything for her...but I'm not what she needs right now."

Feron glanced back at him, eyes blazing intensely the weight of them making him shift uncomfortably.

"She doesn't want me." He said dismissively taking another sip to force the gravel in his throat away.

"No? Are you sure about that? Despite whatever fucked up thing you said to make her crazy...she wouldn't have gotten so upset if it meant nothing to her."

Kolyat couldn't hide the till of pain from escaping as he thought back to what had happened between them. The anger and sweltering rage that permeated around her when he voiced how much he wanted to bed her.

 _You we're an asshole. Cruel and jealous. As if you wanted to sleep with her first, ask questions later. No wonder she got so mad._ But how could he show her that his feelings ran deeper than that?

 _'I think it's best if we don't see each other again.'_

"She was pretty mad." He admitted leaning heavier against the railing, his hand gripping the bannister like a life line placing his tea upon the floor before sighing as he righted himself.

"She said she doesn't want to see me again."

"I will talk to her." Feron hummed thoughtfully pausing before answering.

"Don't, you're going to make me sound desperate."

"I think desperation for a female is flattering. Drells get rare opportunities to experience overwhelming desire for another. When it happens...it's hard to shake. So, I wonder...what did Shepard smell like to you?"

Kolyat remained silent as he looked back at Feron a coy smile blanketing his lips. He knew no matter what he said, Feron would see right through him.

 _Like I want to taste every inch of her. Drown her in pleasure and never allow her to come up for air._

He opted for deflection.

"So, how many times have you been back to Forbidden Fruit?"

"I haven't" He said easily shrugging.

"You're lying."

"I never lie."

"Now that is bullshit." Kolyat growled humorously making both of them chuckle

"Maybe once or twice...or three times." Feron admitted with a grin when Kolyat gave him a rumble to come clean.

"Did you find out who the scent belonged to?"

"No...but I think it's better that way."

Kolyat blinked at him slowly surprised by his comment. Usually when someone from his species had the privilege of experiencing the scent of a compatible potential match they would do anything in their power to try and meet them.

 _Is that why I can't stop thinking about her?_

"I would like to introduce you to someone. I think the smell belonged-"

"I'm leaving the Citadel." He cut him off with a solemn sideway glance. "I think it's better if I don't."

"What? Why?"

Feron grimaced and looked down quietly moving to pick up Kolyat's cup and throw them both away before coming back to him slowly. The seriousness in his stature alarming him slightly.

"Does Shepard know?"

"Yeah...just the two of you. You should feel special about that." He grinned suddenly the quick change of demeanor making him know that Feron was once again putting on a show. Kolyat could see how he kept everyone at arm's length. Despite it, he felt an attractive allure to Feron, there was something about him, despite the pettiness, which seemed to click into place for him. He wanted to know him more, he wanted to take a chance with him too. He had an overwhelming sense of loneliness grip his chest. He honestly didn't want him to leave. He felt as if no matter what they discussed, he could understand and not hold it against him. Especially with what he had just helped him do...he didn't want to lose that connection. He wanted to show Feron that he could be counted on too.

"You don't have to go." He said quietly doing his best to hide the tremor in his voice.

"Why? Are you going to miss me? Want a little more punching practice?" Feron turned around and crossed his arms over his chest leaning his back against the railing, his smug look slowly slipping into sadness, serious understanding.

"I have to go...I need some time to myself. My memories...I'm losing myself to them."

"Shit..." Kolyat breathed in surprise understanding the gravity of the consequences of what he was saying.

"Yeah...shit...I need to be by myself for awhile. Pray, think, figure my life out. I need to sort everything out...before I lose myself completely."

"How often do you slip into the bad memories?"

"Almost every day." He murmured, his gaze turning far away, hands rubbing at his wrists unknowingly.

"Don't tell Shepard I told you this. She has her own demons to contend with."

"I thought you were leaving because you figured out that I was better than you." Kolyat tilled jokingly making sure Feron knew he wasn't serious. The other drell smirked wickedly, his hazel eyes burning in mirth.

"You sure about that? I know you'll never forget who was in her bed last night." He chuckled which made Kolyat frown and growl darkly.

"That's not the only reason." Feron continued, his expression slipping back into seriousness, voice slipping into silence as if he didn't know where to begin.

"You're going to quit being an information trader?"

He stared at him for a long moment, contemplation and assessing, Kolyat made a sound of inquiry trying to feel out Feron's thoughts.

"I quit working for the Shadow Broker." He finally answered evenly. The confession not as alarming as he thought it should have been. When he thought about Feron and everything he had done and what he had observed from the other male, it all seemed to click into place.

"You good with admitting that to me?"

"Why? Thinking about arresting me?"

"No." He said roughly tilling loud in denial.

"I assure you all of my ID's will match up perfectly. I made myself exactly what I needed to be."

Kolyat sucked his teeth and scoffed at Feron's dismissive cockiness. Did the male really think he would turn on him so easily?

"You have serious trust issues. What kind of asshole do you think I am? I won't. I guess you figured a secret for a secret, right."

Feron's inner eyelids blinked rapidly in surprise before another roguish smile appeared before he hummed in content, waiting patiently when he saw more questions surface on Kolyat's face.

"Just ask me..."

"Are you going to keep using that name?"

"What's wrong with Feron? Now you're saying you don't like my name? And I thought Thane could be brutally honest...at least he had a finesse with his words, no matter how harsh they could be."

Feron clicked his tongue rudely, leaning back on the railing looking out over the Presidium again. Kolyat was starting to see the subtle differences when Feron was being sincere or jesting. His voice lowered, truth in his subharmonics. A quiet confession.

"I was wondering if you were going to bring it up, but yes, Feron Ferai is my birth name. I thought it was about time to start using it again."

"But the Ferai's are-"

"I know what my clan is...but I was given to the compact. I have no claim over birthright. I also don't care about any of that. If I use it, I'm hoping to be left alone."

"Or turn a few heads."

Feron Ferai former Shadow Broker Agent. Member of the Rhakanian royal family. Kolyat never thought he would see the day. His father had acquaintances of all kinds it seemed, and apparently now so did he.

"If I use it, those of our race will be hesitant to approach me."

"Or try to exploit it."

"You're so negative." Feron mocked, he wasn't about to be deterred.

"Isn't that dangerous because of your past profession? Wouldn't the Broker use it against you?"

"You already know Shepard and Thane killed the last Broker."

"Yes, my father told me. One of the stories of what Shepard accomplished."

"The last broker was the one who sold the information of Thane's identity to get to your mother, he had it coming, the broker, not your father...fitting that Thane was there in the end. He was also the one who kept me prisoner for over two years...and..."

Kolyat glanced down at Feron's hands while his gaze turned far away. His fingers rubbing unknowingly against his wrists once more. Was that why he wore those gloves? He had also heard that Feron was saved by Shepard and Thane although he didn't know the circumstances until now. Everyone had their own scars to deal with, maybe Feron's were more noticeable then others.

Suddenly Feron blinked rapidly and made a sound of distress gasping in alarm. His breath came out raggedly, his grip on the bannister tightening, whispers spilling from his lips. Kolyat lurched forward and grabbed his arms to turn him and till attentively, breaking him from the solipsism that he had almost lost himself to. His breaths erupted rapidly and it took him a moment to catch his breath, and his thoughts, before he was able to nod slightly and back away. He made a sad sound of thanks before taking a step back.

"Sorry." He murmured, frills reddening slightly.

"Don't be. I am glad I was here to stop it."

He looked away in shame for a moment before continuing. He hoped that Feron would realize that he would be happy to help, if he would allow it.

"The new Shadow Broker is one of Shepard's closest friends, as well as mine. Power corrupts...and with power you learn quickly what true evil really is. Even the gentlest and righteous hearts...can start to change." His gaze turned distant again and Kolyat had a feeling he wasn't talking about himself.

"I have done things I'm not proud of. Betrayed friends, ran away at the first opportunity when things didn't turn out in my favor, hurt people close...gotten hurt in return. Your choices change who you are. I want to be able to look myself in the mirror and recognize the individual staring back."

Kolyat understood. Could relate to everything the male was saying. He knew how you could live your life and lose who you were. How easy it was to get lost in the bad and despair when things looked hopeless. Sometimes all it took was just one moment to change your life.

"You can still change."

Feron smiled again, staring quietly.

"You both have the same way of thinking, like it's so simple."

Was he talking about his father? Nevertheless he hoped he could be this moment for Feron.

"No one said its simple and I know from personal experience. You just have to make a conscientious effort to make sure the choices you do make from now on shape you into the individual you want to be."

"That's what fabricated ID's are for." Feron smirked again. Was he even getting through to him?

"I think that's what your excuse is for running away."

His expression sobered when he realized how serious Kolyat was being. The deep rumble in his vocals showing him that he would help in any way he could.

"A few years ago...I would have agreed with you. Actually, I would have just split without a second thought. Friends and loyalty meant nothing to me, just credits."

He had a feeling that was the case when he saw his hesitancy in the alleyway.

"Is that why you started working for the Shadow Broker?"

"That was when I was already working for the broker...that was way before Shepard. She showed me...what friendship and loyalty really meant."

So there was still a chance for him. He would make him see it, even if Feron tried to ignore it.

"Did you keep yourself as Hanar Special Forces?"

"Retired for excellent service to the Kahje Embassy." Feron grinned roguishly. Kolyat nodded as the thoughts turned over in his mind.

"Why don't you have the ID match who you really are? Someone who you want to be. Someone better. When you come back, you should apply for C-Sec."

Feron tittered in amusement from his words, snorting back in delight but Kolyat remained stoic. He would not waver, he would make him see.

"You're joking right? You want me to go from one extreme to the other?"

"They could use someone with your skills. Especially cyber security. You could apply for detective, you have the background to support the experience needed. Something tells me they need help with their security grid."

Feron stared at him thoughtfully. He could tell he was weighing his options.

"You realize you're asking me to go from a low risk, high paying job to a high risk, low paying job. That's not usually something that would seem appealing to me. Sticking my neck out for people I barely know. I never really did it for people I did."

"You said it yourself, you're trying to change. You're not the only one who wants to be better than what they were. What others perceived them as."

Feron's gaze darkened. Kolyat could tell he gave him a lot to think about. Weather for good or bad was of course up to Feron himself. After a long moment he turned and placed a hand on Feron's upper arm, forcing his attention back to him. He seemed to be lost in a place Kolyat had no hope of reaching, at least not yet.

"Come back when you're ready. I will be here. Let's both prove them wrong. I would like for us to remain in contact. Think about it."

Kolyat tilled in deep compassion and friendship. Feron narrowed his eyes at him, eyeing him warily before a soft sad smile eventually spread over his lips and he accepted the till returning the sound with a mirror of his own. A sound of trust, acceptance and promise. He nodded and met his gaze. Hazel hues to blue cerulean.

"I will think about it...and if I do decide...Lets prove them wrong."

Kolyat hummed in acceptance before a grin blanketed his lips.

"One more thing though…teach me that trick with the video cameras before you leave?"

Feron grinned back at him and nodded in approval.

* * *

He did not know how much time had passed, or for how long he had been waiting. It now felt like weeks or even months since he had first come sputtering and gasping upon the hot sands as he clawed them in handfuls of anchoring grains. His breaths were shallow and fast, like he was used to, until they became deep and easy.

It was the first time, in a long time, that the burning in his lungs were not evident in the way he took breath. There was no raspy inhale, no weight or obstruction preventing him from drawing in as much as he wished. The weight of his body sinking into the white sands made him realize that the first gasp out of reflex and not dying necessity meant that his time had come, and that pain had completely disappeared.

It was over, and there was no Shepard here.

He had sat waiting, staring at the oceans unmoving. Watching the quiet lapping wave's right beyond his feet, the warm sun glistening within the transparent depths, sunlight never waning. He had been kept wondering how long it would be. Would the Gods allow him to see her again? Would they allow him to sit here and wait for her? Would they allow him peace? He knew Shepard still had much to accomplish, hopefully a long life yet to live.

He would wait for an eternity if he had to.

"Thane…"

A voice, a whisper he did not sense alarming him to the fact that his training perhaps did not prepare him for the oceans of the afterlife. But it was a voice he would never forget. His gaze turned to the oncoming presence, a sight he had longed for as his breath caught in his throat.

"Irikah." He whispered jumping to his feet, now frozen in place. Fear and despair blanketing his heart. Why did he not think of her? The first woman he loved, of course she would be here for him, waiting, as he was about to continue doing.

She was magnificent, her lightweight sheer dress, long and flowing as she moved towards him. The shimmering golden material blending with the yellow and golden hues of her scales. Orange eyes burning at him serenely, a gentle smile blanketing her lips as she approached. How he had dreamed of seeing her again, what he would say to her when he did.

He fell to his knees before her, tears filling his eyes as he hung his head in shame. He had no right to see her again. The Gods should not have allowed her to wait for him.

"I failed you." He acknowledged gravely, knowing and understanding all the ways he had willingly betrayed her life, and her memory. The first love of his life, the mother to his child, the one who tried to show him a life outside death. She was almost upon him when she paused and stopped, her throat rippling with gentle soothes.

"You failed yourself Thane. Never me." Her smooth, truthful voice exactly how he had relived every fond memory of her, but it was so much more than he could have ever hoped for.

He looked up at her in shock. He expected cruelty and the shame that came with this meeting that he longed for and dreaded, twisting his heart in agony, he could not meet her gaze. That beautiful face that he had dreamt about, haunting him through the years. Shepard had been the one to quiet his anguish, show him the beauty in the darkness and how to walk through it with her unending acceptance and love, but he would never forget Irikah's innocent light.

A subtle distant noise brought his attention back toward the shore, his gaze surveying the horizon. The ripples along the waves unchanged, but he could feel something slowly shifting in the air.

"It is not her time yet." Thane blinked slowly and looked back at Irikah, a gentle smile spreading across her lips. Her orange hued eyes shining with warmth and understanding. Of course she would already know about Shepard. He felt as if she already knew all that he had done by the way she was looking at him.

"Get up Thane. I always hated how formal you could be. If I wanted you on your knees I would ask you to do so."

He could not hide the smile that tugged at his lips as he righted himself and stood. He had often found himself wondering if the things that attracted him to Irikah were the same that made him fall for Shepard. Both women were forces unto themselves, both made him powerless against their souls.

"Irikah, I…"

"Hush. We do not have much time." She scolded him gently reaching her hand out for him. "It is over and done with, nothing will change. I regret nothing and you should not either."

"I could not save you, I could not-"

"Stop Thane. Do not blame yourself any more…I never did."

He blinked at her in astonishment. He had expected indignation, not clemency. Perhaps her time here had changed her. Perhaps knowing everything after had made her pity him. Or perhaps, this was not Irikah at all.

He forced that terrible notion away as another rumble sounded in the distance bringing his attention further away, feeling Irikah's hand slip within his fluidly. The cool soft caress of her scales exactly how he had remembered her. If this was a cruel joke from the Gods then he wanted it to end quickly.

"Come with me." She said easily allowing her to pull him away from the shore and across the beach towards a rocky trail. She kept her hand firmly placed in his as they walked. He could count the times they did this only on one hand. Shepard always wanted to hold his hand every chance she could, he was always willing with her.

"You're thinking about her." She smiled lightheartedly, her eyes giving no room for argument.

"I am." He answered openly, there was no reason to lie. They had always been truthful with one another.

"Our son is doing well."

"He is…now." Thane swallowed roughly as he nodded. "I pray that he continues to do so."

"He was lost for a long time."

"Because of me."

"Yes…Because of you."

Irikah slowed her walking and turned into a path leading up towards a section of cliffs releasing his hand. Thane looked away in disgrace, he had done everything to right the wrongs he had made but always truths were what really mattered. His attempts at fatherhood were futile and still full of shortcomings despite how he had tried in the end.

"I failed Kolyat…"

"You did." She agreed plainly making the weight of remorse in his chest almost unbearable. They stopped at the edge of the overhang staring out towards the endless oceans that merged with the horizon.

"I did..."

"Thane." His name stern on her lips forced his eyes back to hers. The beautiful orange hues surrounding golden irises glaring in determination.

"Stop blaming yourself. What matters in the end is that you were able to make it up to him. Your Siha is a very remarkable woman. I will forever be grateful to her for saving my son…for saving you."

"He would have been lost without her help…I would have been lost without **her**."

"She knew your soul."

"You knew it too." Thane replied harshly now apprehensive to where she was getting at. He could not read her for some reason and that made him uneasy. He could not tell if she was angry or at peace with what he had done. If she was, then that was so much worse than he could have feared.

"I knew it...I just didn't understand it, or accept it."

 _Ah, so she is angry._

"I had hoped that you would change. That you would be able to make yourself more than what the Hanar made you to be. For me...for our son. It was never to be."

 _The same argument, even here._

"Irikah, I tried to-"

Irikah held up her hand to silence him and Thane lost his words. Another rumble sounding in the distance. He narrowed his eyes in confusion as clouds circled above them, darkness taking shape within the confines of the peaceful skies, now changing. He could feel the winds now, changing and buzzing with some kind of energy he could not place. Something ethereal and unnatural.

 _Do storms stir even here?_

"Your new Siha not only understood your soul, she embraced it. No judgements, just utter acceptance. She shared it with you undeniably. I was no match for her."

"You are angry with me because I-"

"I would have allowed you to leave our bonding." She cut him off curtly.

He stared at her in rare shock, forcing him into silence. He had once voiced that he would have allowed her to take another Haru if she wished it, knew it would have been beneficial for them both and Kolyat. He did not actually think that if she did have another join their bed, that he could have eventually been replaced. He would have been first Haru after all, but it still would have been no match for her wishes. He had tried to be what she wanted. He had done it her way until they were almost to the point of starving and he was left with no other choice. His long absences would have made it easier though. Long durations between claiming's would have been less painful to break a bond and if she had already taken another Haru and gotten the priests involved then…

 _I was not good enough. I could not be everything she needed._

"Stop. Whatever it is your thinking. I would have done it for you, not me."

"Because of Shepard?"

"No…because you needed it…but know I would have willingly let you go to her. She is your soulmate, I was your guide."

"You were my awakening." Thane rumbled deeply, quiet understanding vibrating from his chest. A smile blanketing her lips.

"I love you Thane, never doubt that.

"And I love you. That will never change." That was the simple certainty in his soul. Irikah would always have a place forever in his heart.

"I know…but to love someone completely, you only want their happiness before yours…even it means you are no longer there."

"You are leaving." He did not need to ask because he knew it was the truth.

Lightening cracked piercingly against the waters, the loud roar almost deafening, the dark clouds approaching fast. The waters rising and suddenly crashing wildly against the shore. He was compelled to walk towards the ledge glancing down at the torrent of raging waters now slamming against the base of the cliff, the skies quickly turning black.

"What is happening?"

"You are in a place between, but even here you cannot linger long. You are not ready for the oceans of after. The Gods will not let you pass."

Thane smiled bitterly. No matter how much he had prayed and repented, purified himself for forgiveness he was still to be denied peace. He was brought to the shore to be gently reprimanded and then punished for his short comings. He had thought he was at amity with the Gods, perhaps there was still more he had to atone for.

"What you are thinking is not the reason you are here."

Thane turned and looked at Irikah as she walked to him her hands trailing his chest gently, fingers lingering over him, her eyes gazing at him with such care and hope…such love and devotion.

"Your Siha still needs you."

 _How?_

Irikah kissed him gently, whispering against his mouth. Her sweet breaths and cool lips pressing firmly against his softly. A light trace of heat, a caress of the past they had both once shared.

 _She understands what my soul yearns for._

 _This is what love is…acceptance._

"Goodbye Thane. Next time you walk the shores, it will only be in their presence.

 _Their presence?_

Before he had time to speak or ask she pushed him hard with all of her strength and he was unable to fight against her. He was weightless, free falling until his body hit the waves, water rushing over him as he sank beneath the murky depths. He was unable to move, unable to contest against whatever held him frozen to his fate. He was confused, but he had no choice but to walk the trail that was being presented to him.

As the world around him ceased to be and darkness engulfed his mind, he knew that whatever path he was presented, he would follow it to its end. No matter to who or where it lead him.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

 _I really hate Drells._

Ok, that wasn't entirely true…but right now two in particular were seriously crawling their way up her shit list. The first one, she really wanted to strangle, and the other…no…she really wanted to strangle them both.

Shepard sighed as she paced her living room, still unsure of what she wanted to do. She hated this feeling, the dread of uncertainty and hesitation of unknowing, it wasn't like her. She was a soldier, a trained past Specter, people's lives had depended on her, they still did, civilian, friend, enemy, it was all the same to her. She had always kept a level head, always made sure to finish the objective, always did her best to keep a sense of detachment. Why was it so difficult when it came to them?

 _You let your feelings get involved._

She stopped and made a loud sound of aggravation. This was all her fault. She should have backed away from Kolyat when she had the chance. Something inside her though wanted to see what he was capable of, how much he changed. She was surprised and pleased with how well he had handled himself at the Unveiling, made her hopeful for his future. No...She should have never asked him in the first place. She should have just helped him with Claire and sent him on his way. A hello every now and then, a small message on holidays. Why was she constantly giving into him? What was it about him that had her looking forward to seeing him again...and what the fuck was his problem?

She already knew Kolyat was attracted to her, at first she thought it was a sense of curiosity but his jokes and behavior along with Feron's annoying urging made her see more. She would have to be the dumbest person in the galaxy to not see it. At first she just thought he was humoring her, jokes to keep her on her toes. Stolen moments that he was good at reading. She already knew he could tell how depressed she was, she had accidentally let it slip in his presence. There was just something about him that made her have difficulty keeping up her guard. Like a part of her didn't want to keep it hidden from him. Why did he have to go overboard and say those things to her?

 _This is all your fault. You knew it was coming._

Not only had he voiced his interest in her, very blatantly, he had done so with such conviction that she couldn't help the inferno from erupting throughout her body when he did so. The worst part was, she started picturing it as he was speaking, with that devilish double tremor. His Drell rumble like liquid silk on overly sensitive skin.

She could almost picture herself on her back as he spoke, running her nails down his shoulders as he pumped into her. Scales shimmering and rippling like water in the moonlight as he moved above her, tongue on his skin. Tasting that spicy aroma on his mouth and lips again. What sounds would he make when he came deep inside her? Would he be rough or overly gentle and attentive?

She sucked her teeth loudly and shook her head already regretting the thoughts that just came to her. Why was she constantly debating this? The answer was no. He was originally trying to connect with his father…and now…

 _He just wants to fuck and use you, just like everyone else. When he's done he will move on._

But…maybe it wasn't like that...maybe Kolyat…

No…this was all Feron's fault. It had to be that colorful Drell's unrelenting annoyance that had finally gotten to her. He hadn't shut up since he had come back from his errands to find her pissed off and throwing shit when he got back to her place. He automatically knew Kolyat was the reason for her anger and that slick shit knew exactly what to say to make her think about things. She had tried to play it off, calm and coy as she tried for seduction but he had quickly seen through it and declined any further invitation to her bed the next night, opting to sleep on the couch instead. It made her think that something more had to be going on.

 _Or maybe he had used you too._

No…that couldn't be right…

That night had her thinking about a lot of things as she stared at her ceiling. She still couldn't remember the last time she had achieved a full night's sleep. She thought about her life, the people she lost, the friends that disappeared, but most of all she thought about Thane and how ashamed she felt as she listened to Feron try and convince her to give Kolyat another chance, to give him a chance. Allow herself to open up to him.

Despite what Kolyat might want, why couldn't he understand that Thane never wanted him to be in any more danger then C-Sec would already supply him? Being mixed up with her more would just add catalyst to the fire. On top of that, if she even entertained the idea of allowing something more than friendship to happen she would never forgive herself. Thane was everything to her, her whole existence. There was nothing left to give, it wouldn't be fair.

' _In Drell society-'_

He had tried to argue with her about how human's viewed the subject. Was it different with Drell? She had done a lot of research when she was with Thane, learning about his species and belief's but many aspects of his culture were still foreign to her. When she had gotten out of incarceration every waking second was at his side since his health had rapidly deteriorated. The last two month's by his bed, when he was unable to leave the hospital grounds because of his breathing treatments.

Shepard sat up on her bed thinking back to their happier moments on the Normandy. The nights when they just sat talking in their chambers, no subject untouched, no judgements between them, just understanding and acceptance. Love and learning blooming between them the more they saw one another, longing never ending. The passion and desire when they made love, moments when he would surprise her and take her in different locations on the ship. She had never loved the cargo bay so much in her entire life. The things he did to her. The way his touch and words made her feel. That voice, and those skilled hands, making her shiver when he ran them down her body, mouth tracing her spine, nothing was ever hidden from him. She had given him her soul and in return she had taken his.

Glancing down at her omnitool she pulled up the program that Feron had transferred to her several hours prior. A long log of all the video's that were kept from her during incarceration. Her finger lingered over the messages from Thane, hesitating when she knew she shouldn't do that to herself. At least not yet.

One last sigh and she closed the program resting her chin on her knees as Kolyat came into her mind again, tears and uncertainty threatening to take her over. Desire was one thing but something else was taking hold of her. Something she couldn't control. Something she had stupidly allowed to happen. Why was she allowing it to happen? Why Kolyat?

 _When did I allow myself to become so weak?_

 _I want this to end…_

Once again sleep eluded her that night with nightmares of flames and screams of the dying, the heat and smell of burning flesh. A whisper of a deep rumbled voice she could never forget, and the sound of waves lapping quietly in the distance calling to her.

* * *

She had never been to this club before but she assumed Neon Rain was like all the rest. A dark hovel of pulse grinding music and cheap liquor surrounded by even cheaper women. She wasn't disappointed. The loud beat of dubstep and alternative vibrations blasted from the speaker system, different levels of stairs and platforms leading to color coded areas. She moved her way through the crowded entry way wondering if she should have sent Kolyat a message first to let her know that she had even decided to grace him with her presence. This place was bigger than she thought and had no idea where to even start looking for him.

Maybe she would get lucky and not find him.

 _For one night, try not to be a bitch…_

Sighing heavily she glanced around, she really didn't want to be here but she wanted to show her support to Kolyat. That, or punch the shit out of him...maybe shoot him again. Honestly…it was because of Feron's unrelenting annoyance that she was even here.

 _'Give him a chance to apologize. You have to be there for him because Thane can't be. Give him that at least.'_

That or the hundred other excuses he had bullshitted and berated to her until she finally yelled at him and agreed, if he would only shut the fuck up. She wasn't an idiot, she knew Feron had disappeared for a long period of time yesterday to take care of 'business' but she had this sinking suspicion that he had spent time with Kolyat during that open window. That or gotten into a brawl because of his smart mouth. She saw the remnants of a small healing upon his lip and cheek from a fresh dose of medigel. If she asked him, she knew his lying sexy rainbow ass would just deny it. So she had played ignorant, let him think it was because of shitty human eye sight.

 _Fuck, I hate Drells…_

She moved through the club slowly, skimming the outskirts, doing her best to stay in the shadows and out of people's way, hoping no one recognized her. She had done her best to fluff her hair and keep it down, layering on the makeup, dolling it up a bit more than people were used to seeing Commander Shepard in. She wore a short black gothic layered dress with lace ripples and folds upon her waist and legs. Enough to hide her pistol easily and a knife against her outer thigh.

She started at the top floor and leisurely worked her way down until she saw two human males with C-Sec holsters walking through the crowd to a lower floor. She followed them carefully, glancing around when they passed through a large door and into another section of the club. A different theme of loud techno music and its own bar and flashing rainbow colored lights. When she walked over the threshold she knew she had found exactly what she was looking for.

A large group of Turians and Humans were chatting and laughing, most with drinks in their hands, all sporting different levels of C-Sec clothing. All wearing bright smiles and laughing as they spoke or danced to the music. She smiled gently when an Asari ran past her and caught the attention of another in full uniform hugging her in excitement and congratulations. The scenery brought a familiar feeling of nostalgia as she thought about her shore leave gatherings and crew parties on the Normandy.

She walked in slowly ignoring the way some of the Officers stared at her, Turian and Human alike, interest in their eyes. Moving away when someone tried to say something to her, disregarding anyone who tried to get her attention until she finally glanced a shimmer of bluish green through the crowd.

She hesitated when she saw him, freezing in her tracks. He was grinning in amusement, listening to a human male tell some kind of elaborate story as he waved his arms and took a step back bumping into the woman behind him. They both apologized to the woman as she turned around and gave them a heated look before storming away. A sheepish look on the males face as he grinned and turned back to Kolyat.

The male was almost as tall as the Drell before him with light skin and spiky dark brown hair. His eyes were bright and clear, dark brown and full of clarity. Just by his stature and the way he spoke to Kolyat she could tell that he regarded the Drell before him as a friend, and it made her happy to know Kolyat was starting to warm up to people too as he chuckled and said something back to the human who laughed and tapped his shoulder playfully.

She took a step back not willing to intrude on this moment but Kolyat tilted his head up slightly as if thinking and his gaze turned and searched the crowd and right onto her like a magnet. Their eyes met silently and without a reason she could feel her heartbeat quicken in response, his lips slowly forming into the tiniest of smiles. He said something to the human male before him who grinned and nodded into his drink before turning and heading into the crowd.

She waited patiently as he approached her, the blood rushing through her ears drowning out the loud music while he motioned for her to meet him slightly away from the crowd. She eyed his outfit as he moved, a dark blue and black leather jacket she had never seen him in before above a dark blue leather vest with a plain large silver zipper and black leather pants. He looked exactly how she feared he would, good enough to run her tongue over.

 _God damn it…_

Maybe she should just throw her gift at him and run out of there like her ass was on fire…and then block his contact address for good measure.

"I did not expect that I would be seeing you tonight." He blinked at her carefully, his face turning stoic and guarded.

"I heard this place liked to give people epileptic shock and I wanted to see it for myself. I was wondering how well your eyes would adjust to all these lights." He crossed his arms over his chest haughtily. He already knew she was full of shit.

"I doubt you forgot that we live with the Hanar and are used to the different levels of luminescence their species can create."

"I know-"

"You were very adamant about not wanting to see me again. What changed?"

She hesitated and looked down, the serious look in his eyes burned into her making her feel overly exposed and vulnerable. She wanted to roll her eyes and flip him off, be a bitch and tell him not to read anything into it…but it would be a lie, and he would most likely be able to tell.

"Feron wouldn't shut the fuck up until I agreed to come. He couldn't make it though. He left this morning." She looked away in discomfort. For the love of God, please don't bring up Feron. She really wasn't in the mood to fight with him.

"I know. We spoke this afternoon right after he left."

"You did?" She blinked in surprise. She knew it! They had definitely spent time together while he disappeared. Her gaze ran over Kolyat's face, immediately noticing a newly healed cut on the bridge of his nose. _Son of a bitch…they had brawled each other…_

"So you two are all buddy buddy now?" She asked coyly her mind wondering if Kolyat had been the one to start the fight or if it was Feron's smart mouth that had triggered it.

Kolyat sighed and looked away ignoring her question as he glanced toward the far wall where he was originally standing with the human male.

"Thank you for coming Shepard, but you can go if you want. I would never force someone to be in my company that does not desire it."

His words caught her off guard, noticing the slow ripple of unvoiced sadness as he looked towards the ground purposefully avoiding her gaze. Shepard knew she had been unnecessarily cruel to him, saying things she didn't mean. That she didn't want him or that he was blaming her for finding a replacement. She had voiced that she had used Feron just to remember what a Drell felt like, but it was far from the truth. A truth that she was scared to admit even to herself. She had slept with Feron because she was lonely and she was trying to distract herself…from what Kolyat was making her feel.

She bit her lip as her chest tightened in remorse. If he only knew what he was starting to do to her. She wanted to groan and pull her hair, kick him and run away. Would it be childish to slap him to make herself feel better? Go home and build a blanket fort, never to see the light of day again or Kolyat's mesmerizing obsidian eyes and the blue horizon hidden within.

 _Don't touch him...just don't touch him..._

She could accomplish that much, right?

"I have something for you." She said hesitantly pushing away everything in her mind. She licked her lips, her voice coming out hoarse and low but she knew he would still be able to hear her despite the music that threatened to break through her and shatter her wild heartbeat. Why did her mouth suddenly feel so dry?

"This is still a new jacket. Please don't rip a hole in it." He said gravely, the seriousness in his features making her unable to hold in a stifled laugh as his endless ebony orbs met hers again stoically. A grin forming over her lips.

"Someone seems to have a guilty conscious. Is that all you think you deserve after everything you said to me?" She knew she was lining everything up to pick a fight. She expected him to say something else in retaliation, could see all the thoughts swirling behind those hypnotic eyes but instead he swallowed roughly and remained silent. Never shifting his gaze from hers.

"Kolyat, I-"

"I'm sorry." He cut her off quickly before sighing and looking down to rub the back of his neck as his frills darkened.

"I find myself apologizing to you a lot. Your one of the few I actually care about enough to say it...or actually mean it…and I really do mean it."

She frowned…she knew it was probably the worst first reaction but it was the only emotion she felt at that particular moment. She really didn't want him to apologize, or sound so sincere doing it. She wanted to yell at him. She wanted him to piss her off so it would be easier for them both.

She had spent the whole night thinking of everything wrong with starting to feel something for the son of the man she loved and lost. Thane was everything to her, she didn't think she would ever recover or stop loving him but spending time with Kolyat...something was starting to change, and that terrified her more than the wrongness of her dirty daydreams and remembering what his tongue tasted like, what his hands on her body had roused from her.

She still kept coming back to the fact that it was him of all people that was forcing her to feel something again. Wasn't it too soon? Not to mention the morals behind it made her worry that she was wrong on so many levels. He was younger than her… _well, not that much younger_. He was a different species… _what the fuck…that made no sense at all_. He's probably never been with a human…

 _Really? Is that really all you can think of?_ She frowned even deeper, losing the momentum of her excuses.

 _You're not ready for this, he shouldn't be willing to want you…_

' _I want to know all of you… Let me show you how much I want you. What I'm willing to do. I will understand, I know I will. Give me a chance to show you…'_

She had slept with Feron because she knew it wasn't serious. He was a friend...a very good friend, someone she knew she could rely on. Someone she could love but not be in love with. Kolyats presence made her question everything she had been closed off from. His closeness made her feel things...his eyes...

Were glaring at her now.

"What?" She blinked quickly on borderline panic. Did she miss something? Did she stay silent for too long?

"I apologized but now I am waiting for you to slap me, because I honestly think that might be the only thing you have for me." Kolyat looked around and assessed the people around them, his eyes scanning the crowd before falling back on hers disconsolately.

"Can you hit me later? I would prefer if my coworkers did not see it." The seriousness in his mannerisms made her smirk widely and take a step closer to him. She knew her movement caused him pause as she watched his body tense up preparing for a strike.

"Are you sure? I heard it could be considered an honor to be knocked on your ass by Commander Shepard." Kolyat smirked shaking his head and crossed his arms in front of his chest again, shifting his weight on one leg, relaxing slightly.

"Fine, but you better make it a good one. I know I deserve it."

"That's an understatement." She nodded seriously in agreement. "Close your eyes?"

"Fuck…All right." He huffed out glancing around again taking a deep breath before nodding. Kolyat eased his stance and stood up straight closing his eyes. Shepard bit her lip roughly to prevent herself from laughing, covering her mouth for a moment to hide her silent laughter. He really was about to let her wallop him if she really wanted too. Although the thought did cross her mind the ridiculous of it made her just shake her head as she reached into her purse and took out a small gold box.

He tensed slightly when she touched his wrist and pulled his forearm up between them. Her fingers lingering over the smoothness of his scales as she slipped the box upon his open palm feeling his hand relax beneath hers. He closed his fingers around the cardboard square just as her grip fell from his and his eyes slowly opened to look down between them.

"Is this for me?" He blinked both eyelids in surprise looking to her for confirmation.

"I got it for you last week. A congratulations for passing your detective exam."

"You don't even know if I passed yet." Something in his eyes was hesitant, a flicker of uncertainty and feared failure. She touched his hand gently unable to stop herself. Both of her hands taking his extended one between them. Her eyes caught his unwaveringly.

"You did…I know you did…Your capable of so much. I believe in you Kolyat."

And she did…she truly did.

Something in his eyes changed as she stared up at him. The floor suddenly felt as if it was falling out beneath her feet, her heart picked up speed, her stomach churning in excitement. He smiled gently, the spinning lights catching off his irises making the blue shine in the darkness. He took the small box from her slowly, pulling off the top to look inside. She could see the confusion in his features when he stared at the contents.

Shepard reached into the box at his hesitation, lifting the leather holder and opening it to show him the inside. His name was branded on one side, a patch of light black leather and an embroidering of obsidian to show his name in Rhaka, the Drell language. The other side had an indentation to hold something and a large gold clip.

"It's for your badge. When we were with Jovian and Theirin I noticed that you kept your badge in your back pocket. This is to keep it protected...May I?" She held her other hand out, fingers moving to indicate for him to hand over his C-Sec shield.

Kolyat reached into his back pocket and gave her his badge watching quietly while she adjusted it in place and set it within the groves to hold it firmly. Once it was situated she grinned widely and looked up at him handing it back and taking the gold box to put it back into her purse.

"It looks good now, but I can't wait to see your gold badge in it." She said enthusiastically as he stared down at the leather case, a smile etched on his lips while he ran his fingers over the surface admiring the high quality leather.

"Thank you."

"It's no problem. Just remember to keep it in your breast pocket for easier access."

"I will. Thank you again. I really like it."

"Are you sure?" She asked with a mischievous smirk, quirking an eyebrow up at him daringly. "If you want I can still knock you on your ass instead?" Kolyat smiled brightly and chuckled shaking his head in denial.

"No…I think I will accept your gift if given the choice."

"That's too bad." She clicked her tongue in mock disappointment.

They both smiled at one another, slipping into silence. She could tell he wanted to probably say a hundred different things to her but knew now was not the appropriate time. Maybe never would be the appropriate time.

 _Especially since he quite clearly painted a perfect verbal picture of him fucking you, and you loving every second._

 _God damn it…_

"Would you like a drink?" He asked politely placing the leather case in his breast pocket making her smile in glee. She shook her head automatically knowing alcohol and Kolyat mixed together would probably be the worst idea ever.

"This is your party, go enjoy it with your friends. Make connections, learn about the people you will be working with. Schmooze and all that, you never know when it will come in handy. Never know who others might know."

"Are you leaving?" He asked quietly, his expression careful and guarded.

"Not yet…I'll be at the bar for a little while and then I'll go. Don't worry about me. You go have fun. This is your night."

"Do you still not want to see me again?" He said cautiously making her sigh feeling almost defeated by his reluctant uncertainty. Why was he able to get these reactions out of her?

"You really need to stop pissing me off." She answered sharply, Kolyat nodded immediately in agreement.

"I know. I...don't mean too."

"You're like a bull in a china shop, you know that, right?"

"What?" He flicked his double eyelids in confusion by her words.

"Never mind. Go have fun. Find yourself a hottie for the night." The expression that crossed his face surprised her and she regretted her words as soon as they left her mouth. He frowned and narrowed his eyes, growling slightly in anger.

"Ughhh, I'll call you tomorrow?" She spoke up quickly trying to ease the discomfort that she had caused. Her words allowed his expression to soften slightly as he nodded in acceptance.

"I would really like that." He answered gently as silence stretched out between them again. She licked her lips and looked away her throat feeling overly dry now. She really needed a drink to calm herself.

"Are you sure you would not like for me to join you for a drink?"

"I thought you didn't want to get punched? No offense but don't push it. I'll call you tomorrow, ok?" Kolyat laughed deeply from her words, the sound making her stomach tighten in enjoyment. Understanding blanketed his face as the lights caught the cerulean in his eyes one last time. She swallowed roughly, a breath catching in her throat.

"Until tomorrow then." He bowed respectfully before turning to walk away. She kept her eyes on him as he moved through the crowd easily, until the blue shimmer completely disappeared into the darkness of the club. Letting out a deep breath she didn't realize she held, shame spreading throughout her body to take the place of the warm fluttering in her stomach a moment prior. She was completely screwed if that kept happening while in his presence.

 _It will stop. He'll piss you off again, it's just a matter of time._

She knew that was true. Kolyat was a hurricane of uncertainty, nothing with him was ever what you expected. In just a few weeks she had learned so much about him and she knew his allure had to eventually fade…

 _Or maybe it won't...just like it didn't with Thane._

 _Fuck..._

Shepard turned quickly and made her way to the bar, her mood quickly souring into contemplative anger. She needed a drink like yesterday. Maybe ten. Approaching the bar she waved to the bartender as she took a seat rubbing the back of her neck feeling the tension starting to form into tight coils of bullshit and stress.

 _I think I need to get away. A nice, long, vacation…with lots of drinks…and no Drells…_

Her thoughts of hot beaches, clear oceans and bikinis were interrupted when a human male came up close beside her and waved down the bartender catching her gaze as she glanced at him in annoyance. Ice blue eyes and messy blond hair with the face of a Greek statue, his stature almost identical to Kaiden's. She automatically didn't like him. He smiled widely when he caught her staring and called out to the bartender to put her drink on his bill. She inwardly sighed, she really wasn't in the mood for this shit right now.

"I'm Jasper!" He told her raising his voice a little to make up for the loud electric beat from the speakers.

"I don't really care!" She yelled back, grinning widely back at him curtly, hoping he took the hint.

"So I can't even get your name?"

"Nope...but I'll take your free drink." She answered rudely reaching out her hand for the glass from the bartender. Jasper chuckled and gave the bartender an amused grin handing over the credit chit accepting his drink also. After another moment he turned and leaned against the bar staring at her. Apparently he still didn't take the hint.

"You here alone?"

She ignored him and took a deep gulp from her glass really needing the numbness of the alcohol to weave its way through her system. Jasper grinned again and looked toward the dance floor taking a sip of his own drink. She watched him in her peripheral noticing the alert look in his eyes as he scanned the crowd. She noticed the hilt of a C-Sec pistol beneath his jacket.

"My friends and I have a party going on, are you sure you don't want to join us?"

She sighed heavily after taking two more deep swallows. This guy just fuckin ruined her night and now she didn't even want to drink anymore. The only thing she wanted to do was slam the glass over his head now and be done with him. She turned to look at him, his eyes growing darker in amusement. Yeah, she really didn't like him. She opened her mouth to say something but suddenly she felt her chair move below her.

 _What the fuck?_

She looked around in confusion to see who had bumped her stool, her body lurching forward again when she felt a shift below her once more, but no one near. She blinked rapidly, opening her mouth to say something but her voice was nowhere to be found. Swallowing roughly the world started to quickly spin and she tilted her head trying to and regain some equilibrium. She regretted it immediately. Dizziness and nausea overwhelmed her system as her fingers grasped the edge of the bar in desperation, almost like a life line. Her biotics failing to spark to life.

She shook her head to clear the cobwebs that clawed their way into her mind as all of her thoughts started to leave her. She could feel a numbness begin to flow through her, her breaths slowing, her body growing hotter by the second and overly sensitive and aware of everything around her.

Shepard glanced up at the man before her, just as her vision began to waver. She knew she should have been horrified by what was happening but, that was leaving her too. A quiet calmness taking root within her as all of her cares slipped away into emptiness. Nothing mattered anymore.

The last thing she remembered, was the smug smirk on Jaspers lips, the vibrant blue of his eyes…and how she secretly wished they were encased in obsidian instead.

* * *

Kolyat stared down at the holder in his hands, his fingers skimming over the smooth leather admiring the quality and feel of it against his scales. Shepard had really gone out of her way when she got this for him. The patchwork of his name in the Rakhanian language stared back at him perfectly, a personal touch that meant more to him than she would ever realize. Her words and belief in him more than anyone had ever made him feel. Did she realize how much he felt his world changing every time she spoke to him? He wanted to be that better person now more than ever before. Just to show her he could, and prove to himself what he was capable of.

"That's really nice. Where'd you get that?" Keston asked glancing down at the folded leather in his hands

"It was a gift."

"Nice! Can I see it?" He asked waiting patiently as Kolyat handed it to Keston watching as he turned it over in his hands, looking at the letters of his name on the inside pocket.

"This your name?" Kolyat nodded quietly wondering what was going through the human males mind as his brown eyes softened, gaze turning far away. Was he thinking back on a memory?

"This is really well made. You know it's considered good luck if someone else give's you your shield wallet, right?"

"No. I didn't even know they made these." Kolyat answered honestly, taking the wallet as Keston handed it back to him, placing it in his jacket.

"My mom…she gave one to my dad when he graduated from the Academy on Earth. They were dating at the time."

"Your father is Earth Police?" Kolyat asked in interest waiting as Keston took his beer off the table beside them and took a drink.

"He was. He died a few years ago. Heart attack. Mom decided that being on Earth was too painful, so she decided to move in with her sister on the Citadel. I decided to come with her. You know, keep an eye on her. Not to mention my brother is an asshole and only cares about himself but, you know how that goes." Keston grinned at Kolyat and took another long swig of his drink. "You have siblings?"

"No."

"None? I thought Drells normally tried to have more than one because of the higher male rates…I think. That's common, right?" Kolyat shifted nervously on his feet unsure how Keston would feel about Drell customs. They were starting to become friends and he didn't want to deter his views on him.

"Do you know anything about Drells?"

"Just what C-Sec provided. You live on Kahje and share a home world with the Hanar. Your main religion is the teachings of the Hanar Enkindlers. You can't really be strangled and your species is super-fast and agile. Not to mention you're a smooth bastard and women seem to like you for some strange reason." Keston smiled in mirth, wiggling his eyebrows at him suggestively.

"Better than you?"

"Keep telling yourself that." The male retorted playfully looking out over the dance floor finishing his beer.

"Most Drells do follow the Hanar Enkindlers now or the Asari Philosophies but many of us still follow the old ways from our home world Rakhana. I am one of them. It's polytheistic and we will pray to the God that best suits the occasion."

"Your parents follow the old ways?"

"They did." Keston's lips thinned out into a straight line, understanding etched deep in his eyes. "A normal Drell household is controlled by the female. She runs the family and the home. Nothing is done without her blessing."

"That's hot. I love a woman who knows what she wants." Kolyat and Keston both shared a short chuckle before Kolyat continued.

"Depending on the circumstances the female will take more than one Haru."

"Haru?"

"Husband."

"Really?"

"It's beneficial for everyone if she does. Sometimes one male will work to support the family…if the female works also and children are involved…another spouse is ideal. Drells are very family oriented, several generations will make up the household."

"Did you have two fathers?" Kolyat blinked slowly at Keston, hesitation catching his voice but surprise at Keston's openness to learn. A genuine look in his eyes.

"No…my mother passed away when she was thinking about taking another."

"Did your dad remarry? Or do Drells marry for life, or something."

"There is no divorce, unless certain circumstances occur, which are rare. My father...he almost did…but he was already sick when he met the woman he wanted. He passed away a little over a year ago." Kolyat looked down, the urge for memories to resurface almost overwhelming. His breath became shallow as he fought back the rising tide or regret. Keston tapped him on his shoulder gently pulling him from the thoughts that threatened to overtake him.

"Hey man, if you ever need to talk…I understand what you might be going through. You're my friend. I'll listen if you ever need an ear. No judgements. Promise."

"I'm okay. Thank you though." Keston nodded in acceptance and took a step back his eyes searching over the dance floor again.

"Can I ask you a question and don't get offended?"

"Sure, now I have to hear it." He smiled crossing his hands over his chest grinning.

"So...since you said Drell females can take more than one husband, do you guys like, you know…orgy or something? Do you fuck the other husband too?" Kolyat snorted and shook his head at Keston's question.

"I'll leave it up to your imagination."

"That's probably the worst thing you could do. I can come up with some really fucked up shit."

"Even more reason not to answer you." Kolyat laughed quietly at Keston's discomfort, his eyebrow lifting in sudden interest.

"You know...I always see you with females but, are you attracted to men too?" The smile fell from Kolyat's lips. He had never openly admitted that to anyone but the thought had crossed his mind. He had never acted upon it though.

"Don't worry Monroe, you're not my type." He said carefully, not fully answering the question. _Let his imagination make up for it._

"Fuck you Krios, you know you want all this manliness right here." Keston barked in laughter tapping him on the shoulder in glee eliciting another grin from Kolyat as the tension from their earlier conversation left him. They spent a good part of the next hour just chatting and talking about the academy and plans for the future. He was pleased to hear how excited Keston was for him about becoming detective and even learned that Keston wanted to enroll in C-Sec Customs Division or coast guard duty around the Citadel.

"Keston, I've been looking for you!" A dark skinned human male said suddenly coming up beside them. He recognized him as one of the cadets from his class who would be joining the call unit. Reggie he remembered his name was.

"Hey, Regg! I was hanging with Kolyat. What's up?"

"We're about to start a private party downstairs. Jasper said he got a bunch of girls ready to have some fun." Keston frowned and shook his head.

"Thanks but if Jasper's involved that's not where I want to be. He's a fucking dick."

"You sure? There's only going to be a couple of us there. He's got a bunch of girls, you don't even have to talk to him. Just chat up a girl and take her home for the night, you might even get two. I swear you won't be disappointed. There's this red head there right now, she's fucking hot as hell, but I think Jasper already called dibs on her."

Keston glanced at Kolyat in uncertainty. He knew about Jasper too, he was a good cop but had a sleazy reputation and hung out with even worse company. Kolyat shrugged letting him know that it was his call if he wanted to go or not. He was no longer interested in taking anyone home, the other night had confirmed that thought completely, but he wouldn't deny his friend an opportunity for himself. At least she probably wouldn't try to kill him.

"Want to just go take a look? If you don't want to stay we don't have to." Keston asked him curiously.

"And deny yourself a chance with two?" Kolyat retorted watching as his friend grinned shaking his head in quiet denial.

"I can't stand Jasper and the women he probably picked up are just as bad. I'm getting a little tired of easy women."

"You trying to insinuate something?" Kolyat deadpanned making Keston stare at him blankly before a laugh burst from his lips the moment he realized what Kolyat was implying.

"You would like that wouldn't you?"

"Am I missing something?" Reggie asked in confusion his dark eyes moving between the two of them. Keston slapped him on the shoulder and smirked widely.

"Private joke. Lead on, Regg. We'll hang for a bit. See what's what."

Kolyat followed closely behind them, weaving through the crowd wondering what kind of private party Jasper was doing. Knowing him it was probably strippers and an open bar. He really didn't want to go but he could tell Keston didn't want to go without him. He appreciated the thought but if Keston had any prospects he was automatically going to step away and head home. No need to cock block others in regards to his own decisions.

As they went down several flights of stairs and down a corridor Kolyat could already feel his instincts tightening, his muscles coiling in trepidation, a familiar scent filling his nostrils. As they passed two Turian bouncers and into a private back room, Kolyat frowned at the same time Keston sucked in a sharp breath.

Jasper grinned at them widely from the other side of the room, leaving the group of three women he was with, one whose breasts were out and cupped in his hands as he helped adjust her dress back and made his way over to them.

"Monroe, Krios! So nice of you to join us!"

"Yeah, sure." Monroe answered dryly both of their gazes going to an Asari who moaned loudly on the lap of a human male. His hand buried beneath her skirt, his wrist flexing as he worked her, pleasure on her face. Kolyat took in a deep breath and looked away his eyes falling to a stage on the far corner with a topless Asari dancer. A few other females, Asari and Human alike in half-dressed states shaking their asses around the room. He saw Keston's disapproval as he heard a human woman squeal in delight thrown down on a couch as a Turian grasped her legs and adjusted them around his waist fiddling with their clothes as he ripped her underwear from her. Kolyat averted his gaze immediately.

"Jesus…at least do that shit in private." Keston breathed out turning his eyes back on Kolyat. "I think this was a mistake." Kolyat nodded in agreement keeping his eyes upon the floor, the same sweet scent from before now stronger. He tried to look around in confusion trying to place it.

 _There was no way she was here._

"Come on Monroe…" Jasper said in excitement throwing his arm around his shoulder leading him deeper in the room towards a large section of couches. Kolyat stayed close behind them, noticing the wide eyed enjoyment on Reggie's face as he looked around the room.

"We got a bunch of women with your name on them if you're ready for em, and they are sooo ready for you." Jasper let him go and walked down a few steps turning to a group of seats. He couldn't help the grin that came on his lips as two light blue Asari's smiled up at the two of them. He knew Keston had a soft spot for Asari women and these two grinned playfully at his friend beside him with beckoning eyes.

Keston let out a defeated sigh as he took the stairs slowly and approached the two women waiting for him patiently. Kolyat took his first step down the stairs but growled loud in displeasure when he saw Jasper sit down on the couch that faced away from them, now in perfect view, between two human women. Keston turned back in worry and followed his gaze towards Jasper.

The other two women seemed half in a daze, almost as if they were asleep. Their eyes were closed, cheeks flushed, breathing heavy. One had pale yellow hair, long and shiny, pooling upon the couch beside her. Her body was lithe and fragile looking, high cheek bones and lightly pink hued skin. She was beautiful, he had to give her that but she still couldn't compare to the woman on the other side of Jasper.

 _Shepard._

Kolyat felt the rage build inside him without restraint as his eyes snapped to the human male between them. He grit his teeth, growling even louder making Jasper narrow his eyes and tilt his head thoughtfully at his disposition.

"What did you do to her?" He snapped in boiling fury trying to control every instinct to choke the man who sat staring at him smugly. He hissed as the blond grinned cruelly, his eyes darkening as he crossed one leg over the other and turned toward the seemingly unconscious red head, his fingers moving down her cheek and through her hair as if petting her.

"Holy shit…" He heard Keston murmur coming up beside him, knowing that he knew exactly who the female was. "You just really fucked up Jasper."

"Don't be such a prude. She's having a good time, and her nights about to get even better."

"Don't…" Kolyat warned him, clenching his hands into fists as his body began to shake as adrenaline and rage threatened to take him over. The blond male pulled some of her hair to his face smelling it deeply, eyes flashing maliciously.

"Do you like her? I didn't think humans did it for you, Krios. Don't worry…you can get a go after we've all had our turn. The way you fuck around, left overs shouldn't bother you, right?"

Kolyat snarled in rage just as Jasper grasped a handful of her hair jolting her head back to brush his lips against her cheek. Her eyes fluttered open a moment before falling closed, a whimper of discomfort escaping her throat. He darted forward on instinct, grabbing Jasper by the shirt roughly and pulling him to his feet. He hissed and bared his teeth, that human had no right to touch her! Jerking him forward and then spinning he threw Jasper into a few other cadets that suddenly jumped up to his defense. The Asari women scrambling out of the way, screeching in alarm.

"What the fuck is your problem Krios?" Jasper bellowed in fury as the ones who caught him helped him back to his feet as they all tumbled to the floor. He felt Keston's hand on his shoulder, his scent the only thing making him realize to not lash out at anyone else that touched him. He could feel all the emotion suddenly leave him. A black hole of realization that sucked all the light from the room. He wanted to kill Jasper.

In that instant it was Keston's stern voice that became the only thing pulling him back from those dangerous thoughts.

"Easy man, I got your back." Keston said in concern his brown eyes earnest and patient. Kolyat narrowed his eyes back at Jasper and went towards the couch where Shepard now lay, pushed to the side as Kolyat pulled Jasper away from her, her hands grasping at the cushions weakly as she battled to keep her eyes open.

 _What the fuck did he do to her?_

Kolyat grabbed her shoulders gently, helping to lift her and pull her halfway upon his lap as her eyes slid closed again. Tilting her head up, he tenderly touched her cheek with the back of his knuckles, taking her smell into him. It was muddled and corrupted, something was really off, the sweet vanilla undertones masked by something sharp and unnatural.

"Shepard...Shepard, can you hear me?" He whispered, waiting patiently for an answer. Kolyat ran his fingers through her hair instinctually, his first thought to remove that human males scent from her and replace it with his own. He could feel his frills expanding with the urge to cover her completely in his scent mark. He called her name again, this time noticing the murmurs and whispers nearby.

"Did he say Shepard?"

"Like Commander Shepard?"

"No fucking way that's her."

"Kolyat man, is she...?" He heard Keston trail off kneeling down near the blond woman beside him, checking her for response, his fingers going to her neck. Kolyat nodded in confirmation as Keston lifted the woman's lids and examined her dilated pupils.

"What the fuck did you give them?" Keston gritted in anger towards Jasper who sucked his teeth and righted his shirt and jacket.

"Who gives a shit? She's just some C-Sec bitch. This is what they come here for."

"She is Commander Shepard, first Human Specter, and she came here for _**me**_." Kolyat growled menacingly. He saw the fear pass over Jasper's face as he exchanged glances with a few of the people he was here with.

"How the hell do you know Commander Shepard?"

"Kolyat was her personal bodyguard at the Unveiling asshole! Don't you pay attention to the news?" Keston yelled in anger as he started to shift the blond woman in his arms trying to get her to awaken, slapping her cheek gently. He sighed in aggravation mirroring Kolyat's own frustration. They didn't want to cause them any further discomfort.

"Shit...shit...I-I didn't know she was Commander Shepard." Jasper started to panic running his hand through his hair trying to think.

"And if she wasn't that makes it better?" Keston barked putting his hands beneath the blonde's legs and wrapping a hand around her back to lift her. Once he had her situated in his arms he turned to look at Kolyat, eyes hard and determined.

"I'm going to take her to Huerta. You ok with the Commander?" Kolyat nodded as Keston glared at Jasper who moved to stop him from leaving.

"It's just synthetics. It will leave her system in a few hours."

"It was just going to be rape asshole. That never leaves your system. You're fucking done Jasper."

Jasper lunged towards Keston to stop him from leaving but Kolyat jumped up and grabbed his arm flinging him around fluidly. The blond male yelled in rage swinging blindly at Kolyat. He dodged his hand and pulled his own back landing a swift fist into the males jaw. He made sure to hold himself back a little although every instinct made him want to beat the shit out of the male before him but knew if he used all his strength he could have broken the man's neck. Jasper fell to the ground his eyes filled with unchecked fury, a few officers moving to grab him and hold him, others moving back in shock at the events that just erupted within the room.

"You're fucking dead Krios! You got me? Fucking dead! You and Monroe!" He screamed spitting blood from his mouth, trying to fight those that tried to start dragging him away.

"You got this?" Keston sighed glancing at him as he blatantly ignored the angry male and turned his attention back on Shepard.

"Yeah, take care of the other female. I'll take care of Shepard."

"Call me if you need me, ok?" Kolyat nodded and watched as Keston left, people moving out of his way cautiously to let him pass, grateful that at least someone had his back.

He turned his attention back on the redhead before him, running a hand down her cheek gingerly murmuring her name, whispering in her ear several times until he saw her eyes finally flutter open sluggishly to look at him. A wide grin spreading over her lips.

"Hey..." She smiled softly green eyes glazed, burning with content. His lips twitched into a slight grin unable to contain himself from mirroring her expression. He ran a hand through her hair once again moving it off her shoulder unable to stop himself from touching her.

"Are you okay?"

It took her a moment to answer, her eyelids fluttering several times before she was able to find her voice. Another smile across her red stained lips, another waver in her posture as she guided his hand to her cheek keeping her face pressed against his palm. He felt her lips trail over his skin and his body responded to her almost immediately. Kolyat tilled in uncertainty from her actions knowing that her ease with him was most likely caused by the synthetics in her system. Kolyat blinked slowly and took a deep breath to calm his quickening heartbeat, this time when she looked at him her gaze was heated and full of lust.

He frowned in disappointment knowing she would never react like that to him normally. He caught her wrist as she reached out to caress his cheek. He was rougher than he meant to be as he stood up and pulled her to her feet, ignoring her protests as she stumbled behind him as he kept her at his side moving out of the back room. He glared at everyone he passed daring for anyone to lay a hand on either of them. No one attempted to stop him, and within a few more moments he was through the club and out the door.

Kolyat was still furious at what those males could have done to her if he had decided not to go with Keston. How did she even end up in that situation? She said she was going to have a drink and head home.

 _The drink…_

That fucker must have drugged her drink. How many other women could he have done that to? How many could have been used by Jasper and his friends? He felt Shepard shift beside him as they approached the mouth of the alleyway just as they were coming out of the club district. She grabbed his wrist to try and slow him down, her protests weak and sluggish. A shadow of the woman she was. Kolyat slowed his pace, worry rippling through his throat. Fear at the possibility of what could have happened to her forming like a rock in the pit of his stomach. He had a feeling he might have just saved Jasper's life more than protected Shepard's. He had a feeling she would have killed him herself and anyone else that could have touched her…that is if Kolyat didn't first, after he found out.

 _When it would have been too late…_

He sighed and turned towards her, feeling her hand grasp his tightly trying to get his attention. The heat and softness of her hand, unforgettable.

"Do you have any idea what they could have done to you?" He asked quietly catching her gaze, the green of them overly bright but still mesmerizing. She smiled slowly, her hand running up his inner arm as she pushed herself against him, her hand wrapping around the back of his neck. Kolyat stiffened in her hold grabbing her shoulders to steady her when she swayed on her heels.

"I'm more interested in what _ **you're**_ about to do to me." Kolyat blinked in surprise at her tone. Her other hand trailing up his chest, fingers toying with the zipper of his leather vest. He stared down at her in wonder, his heart hammering wildly against his chest from her closeness.

"Shepard I-" She pushed up on her toes and quickly closed the distance between them, her lips covering his greedily, body flush against his as she pulled the back of his neck down to meet her. Kolyat tensed reflexively but slowly relaxed under her touch, letting out a sigh of enjoyment when he felt her tongue running over his lips, silently asking for entrance. Her sweet breaths and gentle touch what he had been longing for since that first night at the C-Sec ball.

He swallowed roughly between kisses, knowing that he should push her away. Kolyat knew this shouldn't be happening between them in this moment. Knew the synthetics were making her lose herself to the throes of sensation and desire…but holding her against his chest, feeling the heat of her skin beneath his palms, the softness of her body and her taste…

 _Gods…_

If this was wrong, why did it feel so prefect and right?

He growled softly when she pushed herself harder against him, something primal taking over him as he grasped her more solidly and pushed her roughly against the wall. She gasped in surprise at the quick movement but quickly recovered when he brought his lips back down to hers hungrily. He tried to calm himself, knew he was being more rough and brutal then he would have liked, but her hands on his body made him lose himself in the heat her body produced...like no one before her.

His whole body felt alive in this moment...this was what he was missing...

His hand slid to her hip and down to the curve of her back, feeling the outline of the gun at the dip. Moving it down boldly he cupped the swell of her ass in his palm, the other tangling in her hair. He was shaking as he touched her, a sigh escaping his lips as he bunched her hair in his fist, reveling in the silky feather light tresses. He had never touched a human's hair before hers and he still couldn't get over how soft it felt. He had a fleeting thought of how much he wanted to see it fanned out around her naked body as he stared down at her beneath him.

Shepard moaned against him, music to his ears. Her agile hands reaching below his jacket trying to push it from his shoulders. Kolyat grasped her harder sliding them further across the wall. Pushing them deeper into the shadows in case anyone passed that could see them. She gave a frustrated grunt when she realized he wasn't giving in to her wishes to remove his leathers. Her tongue darted out, her lips sucked his bottom lip roughly, taking it between her teeth to tug harshly, a hiss of enjoyment escaping his throat the more out of control she got. Kolyat nipped her back, his tongue darting out to search for hers and she didn't disappoint him. Sucking his tongue into her mouth he moaned at the sheer exquisite taste of her.

 _Holy fuck, Sweet Arashu._

His body stirred in need, going rock hard in an instant. He kissed her harder, unable to control himself, despite his mind screaming at him to stop. Feeling her leg come up against his hip, his hand went to her thigh instinctually feeling the short skirt bunch up around her thigh, his hand sliding up the exposed flesh grunting in aggravation, knowing how dangerous this was becoming. He turned his face to the side. He needed to stop. They needed to stop before they lost themselves completely. Shepard's tongue ran over his engorged frills, eliciting another guttural moan of approval to vibrate deep in his chest. He could feel her hands at his belt, beginning to unfasten it. Her quick nimble fingers undoing the first set of buckles.

"Please...you're driving me crazy. I know you love it when I beg." She whimpered against his mouth her hand palming his hard member to stroke him over his leathers.

Kolyat opened his eyes trying to gather himself as he listened to her. Something seemed off as she spoke to him. He turned to look at her. Her eyes were completely dilated, her skin was red and burning, her gaze wild. She ran her tongue over his lips again but this time he refused to return the kiss. She was delirious…did she even know where she was.

Kolyat started to pull away knowing that he needed to slow it down, needed to make sure she knew what she was doing, but she held on to him tighter, her leg coming up higher around his waist as her scorching core rubbed against his hardened length, the scents of arousal blanketing the air like his own overwhelming drug. Kolyat grit his teeth and let out a torturous groan of pleasure as her tongue licked along the frills of his cheek before she pushed her lips against his once again. He had never wanted anyone so much in his entire life, his whole body shook in need of her. Her sweet taste and blazing skin making him tether right along the edges of restraint.

"Please…Thane." She whispered.

Kolyat's whole world froze before him.

He couldn't move, couldn't breathe. His chest throbbed painfully, moisture filling his eyes. An invisible force suddenly pushing down upon him, knocking all the air right out. He didn't know how to react, didn't have any words to say.

Shepard sensed the shift in his mood, her fingers slipping from his neck as she looked up at him, confusion etched in her eyes. She brought her leg to the ground as his hold faltered upon her, darkness taking the place of all the desire and longing he had felt a moment prior. Gingerly she touched his cheek trying to coax him to turn his face and look at her, but the damage had already been done. She didn't know where she was. She didn't know, who _**he**_ was.

"Don't stop. I need to feel you." She kissed him softly along his jaw, her hands continuing on to stroke him. Kolyat stayed unmoving, forcing himself not to respond to her. He suddenly felt empty inside. A sickening feeling taking root in his chest. What made him think she would actually want him? He didn't even know why he wanted her to do so. Kolyat looked down at her and she smiled at him. Her face was joyous and full of life, the warmth of the sun staring back at him, through twin emerald jewels. He had never seen her look so happy. A sick part of him didn't want to deny her this moment.

"Siha." He croaked hoarsely, swallowing back the taste of bile. Shepard wrapped her arms around him, and he held her against him tightly. He heard her sigh into his neck, such a pure sound of contentment. Kolyat took a deep shaky breath, trying to control the hammering of his heart.

"Siha…look at me."

Shepard pulled away to gaze up at him. _Please…please see me_ …He waited a moment, running his hand down her cheek, taking her face between both of his hands. What was it about her that made him want her the way he did? This lone human female with so much history. This beautiful alien creature so different then him. A female that could destroy his whole world if she wished it.

 _She already has…_

Staring deep into her eyes he could see strength hidden within, locked away screaming to be released once again. Her soul was begging to be found and it was her presence and aura that called to him. She was full of everything he wished he could be. Brave and unforgiving, vicious and unrelenting, a protector and a symbol of hope to all those that met her. She would walk through fire to save others and wanted to know the power her heart possessed.

This was his father's ex-lover, would she ever be able to see him as anything more than Thane's son? Could she see him as a male with no attachment? A male willing to walk the darkness with her in order to find the light?

 _See me…please…see me…_

Kolyat pulled her face to his and for the first time he kissed her the way she deserved to be kissed. Soft and gentle. Slow and all consuming. He poured his feelings into that kiss, showing her without words how she made him feel. He opened his mouth, his tongue playing with hers tenderly, teasing her, coaxing her to accept his passion. He kept going, refusing to give in to her urging to make it more, kissing her with such dedication, and wishing that she would remember the feel of his lips always.

He kissed her until they were both breathless. Until their bodies shook on the edge of making it become more. Kolyat wanted to never forget this night. He never wanted to forget how she felt. When he pulled away he stared at her. A satisfied smile spreading across her lips as she revealed in the afterglow. Blinking several times, he watched as her eyes came into focus, realization clearing the fog of unknowing.

"Kol…yat?" She asked hesitantly. Her body swayed in his hold, emotions playing across her features. Kolyat swallowed down the marbles in his throat as her hands came around his waist her head laying on his heart.

"Take me home." She whispered just as consciousness left her, her body going limp in his arms.

Kolyat swept her easily into his hold, cradling her body against his chest as he took a moment to look at her peaceful sleeping face. He had read that humans dreamed when they were asleep too. That they lived experiences in their minds. She had said his name in the end but he was not convinced that she had actually seen him. He wondered if his father was there waiting for her in her dreams…and hoped that maybe he could be there too.

* * *

He was awoken to a flash of pain through his side and a loud thump beside him. Opening his eyes he looked to the side to see Shepard sprawled out on the floor, her gaze turning to look at him in confusion. He adjusted his position upon the floor where he fell asleep propped up against her bed, unwilling to leave her alone until he knew she was well.

She looked as if she wanted to say something but suddenly she was turning and scrambling on her hands and knees until she pushed herself to her feet to stumble and crawl to the bathroom. She reached the toilet and grasped the edges with such force he saw her knuckles turn white. Heaving loudly Kolyat rushed to her side and grabbed the hair that was falling before her to prevent it from getting thrown up on.

Tears streamed down her face as she groaned before letting loose another wave of sickness. He waited patiently for her to finish, patting her back gently as he guided her hair off her shoulders and out of harm's way, grimacing when she groaned again in misery. He knew firsthand the after effects of synthetics on the weaker human digestive track if too much was ingested. He knew the only thing that could be done was to wait and ride it out. Eventually her gagging stopped and she touch the sensor for the cleaning cycle as her body relaxed and fell from her knees to sit upon the floor.

"What are you doing here?" She asked curtly swatting his hand away from her weakly, leaning her head upon her arm over the rim of the toilet. He could see the strain it took for her to swallow. The frown thinning her lips into a scowl.

"Do you feel a little better? Or do you want to stay here a little longer?" He asked ignoring her blatant shitty behavior. He was already pissed at her enough, he didn't need to lose it while she was throwing up.

She blinked at him slowly, lifting her head up to look around as if she just realized where she was. Her eyes cleared for a moment only to tear back up as she lurched towards the toilet to let lose another wave of heaves. Kolyat sighed and rose to his feet, leaving her there in order to make his way towards the kitchen to grab her a glass of water. Perhaps a little privacy would help her instead.

Hearing the toilet flush again he made his way back to the bathroom seeing her head buried upon the crook of her arm once more. Sitting down slowly on the opposite side of her he waited quietly until she finally decided to look at him. Nudging the glass of water into her hand, it took her a moment before she thanked him meekly and took a sip. After what seemed like an eternity of silence she finally decided to speak.

"I don't usually lose control like this. How much did I drink?"

"I'm not sure. But whatever you did drink, it was laced with synthetics."

"Fuck..." She groaned in budding anger running a hand through her hair, fingers getting caught in a few tangles from her unrestful sleep. "That son of a bitch…I knew something was off about him. I'm going to kill him as soon as I-"

"I already took care of it Shepard. A friend of mine reported it to Bailey. Trust me, it's being dealt with. The bartender in on it is also being arrested and interrogated."

The deadly tone of his voice seemed to catch her off guard as she eyed him suspiciously as he took the cup of water from her hands and placed it on the rim of the sink. Bending he hooked his hands beneath her legs and lifted her easily in his arms. He heard her suck in a harsh breath of reluctance as her body stiffened in his hold but slowly he felt her relax and wrap her arms around his neck.

"Your body is going to be very weak right now. Your legs will not be able to hold your weight much."

"You don't have to do this, why are you even here?" He ignored answering her question. The simple inquiry forcing anger to build within his chest slowly. Why didn't she think he would be here? He was worried about her. Couldn't she see that much at least?

Kolyat walked back into her bedroom, his raging emotions making him place her a little more roughly upon the bed than he would have liked. He stormed back into the bathroom to grab the glass of water and place it on her nightstand avoiding her gaze. Opening his omnitool he quickly started researching human nausea remedies, noticing immediately that a lot of the methods were the same he used during his Mi'taro time.

"Kolyat-"

"Do you have ginger?" He cut her off abruptly knowing that if he allowed her to talk in that moment, they were most likely going to fight. Blinking at him slowly she sighed and nodded telling him the location in her kitchen.

"I will be back in a moment. Do you need some help changing? Or do you feel strong enough on your own? Do you need me to grab anything from the drawers for you?"

He kept his voice serious and professional making sure she knew that he had no ulterior motives other than her comfort. She studied him quietly before instructing him to a dresser on the far corner where he grabbed a shirt and a pair of shorts from one of the drawers. After handing her the items she asked for, he turned quickly and stormed out of the room. His mind nothing but a torrent of confusion, anger and regret. He was starting to have a feeling that she had no idea what had transpired between them a few hours prior.

Finding the location of the ginger he searched her cabinets for a tea kettle but eventually gave up when he found a small cooking pot. Filling the pot with water he turned the heat of the stove on and started peeling the outer layers of bark away to slice up the ginger into thick chunks. Once the water started boiling he placed the ginger in the pot and lowered the temperature of the flame reading if there was anything else he should add to the tea he was making for her.

He cleaned the counter and knife hearing the water running in her bathroom, pleased that she was able to make it there on her own. Once the aromas in the kitchen started to thicken he grabbed a strainer he was able to locate and a large mug pouring the mixture into the cup, adding a tiny squeeze of lemon juice for extra flavor. He frowned as he placed the strainer over the pot. He wasn't used to making tea without the proper set but knew this would have to do for now.

He leaned his palms against the counter breathing deeply to steady his racing heart, his eyes catching on a display case on the further side of the large open room. His father's jacket, hikari and sniper rifle propped up within a glass display case. He grimaced and looked away, grabbing the hot cup and making his way back towards her bedroom, rapping his knuckles on the wall near her door to get her attention.

"Are you dressed?" He called from the hallway waiting patiently for her reply.

"Yeah…you can come in."

He entered her room again noticing that her face was cleanly washed and her hair was stacked up in a large clip as she sat up against a stack of pillows with the covers to her waist. The black t-shirt he grabbed for her seemed as if it was five times larger than it should have been but she seemed comfortable and content and that's all he honestly cared about in this moment.

He pulled the chair that was in front of her closet over to the edge of the bed as he handed her the hot mug of ginger tea to take a seat beside her. Something flashed within her eyes for a brief moment as their fingers brushed and she looked away before blowing into her cup of tea to cool it.

"How are you feeling?" he asked carefully, a till of worry escaping his throat making sure she could hear it.

"Like a sorority girl that had a really wild night."

He knew it was a joke but the meaning was lost to him as he blinked at her slowly still trying to fight his anger. She heard him let out a loud breath of aggravation before leaning back in the chair a little more comfortably.

"Do you remember anything? How you got here?" He knew he was looking for a fight, but he needed to know.

Her expression was empty as her eyes grew distant as she frowned shaking her head in denial. He knew it...

"I suppose I should thank you-"

"They were going to rape you Shepard. You were lucky I found you." His reply was cruel and harsh but she needed to understand the severity of what could have happened to her.

"I apologize if I interrupted your own planned sexcapade. I hope she wasn't too hot." Her voice mirrored his own now, devoid of emotion, and Kolyat growled from her words, he wasn't in the mood for jokes right now.

"Why do you do that?" He asked callously. "Try to push the subject away and turn it on me? I had no desire to go home with anyone tonight. I told you I am no longer interested in that."

"But technically you went home with me."

"What the fuck did you expect me to do? Leave you there? Let them all have a turn and use you until they decided they were done?"

"I'm surprised you didn't join in or take advantage yourself."

Kolyat hissed in rage and jumped up pushing the chair back so suddenly she jolted in alarm. It did not escape his notice that her hand moved reflexively beneath her pillow as if to grasp something.

"Is that really what you think of me?" He yelled loudly his voice bellowing through the bedroom and then into silence as she stared at him with thoughts she did not speak. He let out a loud breath to calm himself. He had never wanted to scream as much as he did right now. She had no fucking clue.

"Your right..." He bit out evenly watching her gaze darken and lower to her lap as her fingers grasped the mug harder until her knuckles turned white.

"I could have taken advantage of you...especially when you begged for me to fuck you in that alleyway. I never thought I would ever see a woman so desperate in my entire life." Shepard gasped in anger glaring at him with murder in her eyes. He knew he was being a complete prick but right now he was so incredibly angry and didn't give a fuck.

"So why didn't you then? It's what you want right? To fuck me, to use me like everyone else." Kolyat blinked at her in shock. Is that what she really thought? That he wanted to use her? That she meant nothing to him than a lay?

"The fact that you're asking me that just proves that you don't understand me at all and what I want."

"What the fuck do you want Kolyat? Why are you doing this to me? Why are you even still here? Just leave...just..." Her voice trailed off as she looked away tears welling in her eyes. So much pain and suffering. Did she keep it all to herself since his father had passed? Did she not confine in anyone? Not even Feron? Did she think he would leave her alone if he had a choice?

"Shepard, I care about you...too much to ever treat you like that. You were high, you had no idea what you were doing...What name you called me." Kolyat looked away from her and swallowed roughly. The pain in his chest overwhelming and too raw to deal with right now.

"Who did I say?" Her voice all but croaked, her own uncertainty and regret taking over her features so profoundly.

"You know who..." He whispered unable to speak any louder. Sighing he ran his hand over the ridges of his head. He needed to get out of here. He couldn't be with her anymore. She didn't understand how much it physically hurt to be around her now, like his chest was about to cave in. But if she needed him, he wouldn't leave her alone. Despite the pain, he would crawl through glass if it made her feel better.

"I…" Regret flooded her features, turmoil and guilt. Shaking her head she stared down at the cup in her hands, uncertainty in her stature. "I think we should call it a night Kolyat."

"Do you really want me to leave? I'll stay if you need me too. If you don't want to be alone I-"

"I think I used you enough for one day…don't you think?"

They stared at each other in silence, her eyes slowly hardening into the mask of Commander Shepard. How often did she use it to hide herself from the world? Eventually he nodded, he knew when he had been dismissed.

"I'll see my way out Shepard. Get some rest. Just feel better, okay?"

He started leaving the room but hesitated by the doorway when his name on her lips called out to him. He couldn't look at her though. He was terrified to see what might be on her face. Anger, hatred, regret, disgust...he couldn't deal with any of it right this second. He just needed to get away from her.

"Thank you...for what you did." She whispered.

He could hear the quiver in her voice. That simple sentence holding so much emotion that for a brief moment he was compelled to go back to her. To just crawl into her bed and let her fall asleep next to him. Shit…he would even sleep on the floor again like a fucking pet at this point. He knew it wasn't good for either of them right now. He bit his lip and nodded his head in acceptance of her gratitude before he made his way out of her apartment making sure to take the longest possible route home. His mind was a complete fucking mess…and he didn't know how long it would take him to think straight again.

 _Shepard is ruining me…_


	14. Chapter 14

**Authors Note:** You have no idea how excited I am to finally post this chapter. The ending of this chapter was the very first scene that birthed the idea for this fanfic. The song is from Adele, I'll miss you. The first day this song came out, this scene came flooding to my mind and I rushed home like a lunatic to write it. Of course it's had some alterations as I decided to fully write a story around this particular scene giving birth to the Kolyat/Shepard theme. If you've never heard the song, definitely download it and give it a shot. I hope you enjoy.

Chapter 14

Two more nights of restless sleep made her feel like a shell of what she once was. The exhaustion seemed to seep its way into every fiber and muscle of her being. She used to be able to handle the long bouts of little sleep and vigorous activity between missions. She was trained to be vigilant, and resilient, disciplined and focused, but over a year? A year was starting to weigh down on her, and it only seemed to be getting worse.

Her nights were chaotic and her days were starting to meld into one another. Every time she slept, they were waiting for her. The faces of the dead. The faces of those she killed…the ones she couldn't save. Being a soldier meant following orders, being Commander Shepard meant making the tough choices and living with the consequences. Living with the sacrifices that resulted in cold blooded kills or the faces of the dead to haunt you. She missed the easier days, when people didn't look to her as a symbol of hope, when she could just take orders and not think for herself. She missed being _**her**_.

Shepard stared at her screen unseeing, her mind a complete mess. She could feel her body shutting down, that empty void of nothingness when you had so much going on and your brain just needed a moment to clock out. She wanted to crawl under her desk, hug her knees to her chest and lock the world out. Rocking and gibberish tongues optional of course.

 _Stop it, that's crazy talk…_

Taking a deep breath she connected the video that Feron had sent her a few hours prior accompanied with a message. All existing footage had been erased and removed from all known sources on the extranet. She couldn't count Feron's eidetic memory though if he had watched it, and knowing him, he probably did.

She had a terrible feeling she already knew what she would see.

The video started in darkness the sound of loud techno music blasting through the speakers. There was shuffling and shaky movements as if the person was trying to get a better angle, loud noises and flashing lights, until the human male she saw Kolyat with at the party came into focus. His face was grave and cautious, dark brown eyes assessing and filled with budding anger. He moved forward and Kolyat came up on the screen, his lips moving to say something the mic didn't pick up.

Shepard adjusted the background noise, trying to lower the loud blaring bass pounding sounds and raise the voice volume as she stared at the screen. The look on Kolyat's face though was enough to cause her pause.

His eyes were obsidian pools of eternal darkness, the deepest she had ever seen them, controlled rage within an endless abyss of something stirring, cold and patient as he glared off screen. The camera shifted and moved to the man she saw at the bar, his hands running through her hair and upon her face. His lips touching her cheek. Shepard's blood turned frigid at the vicious look in his eyes, her skin crawling at the thought that he had put his hands on her, and she strained trying to read his mouth as it moved.

'You can get a go after we've all had our turn...left overs shouldn't bother you...'

 _That motherfucker…_

They did plan on raping her.

Shepard's fingers twitched as cold harbored fury ran through her, fighting every instinct to grab the gun on her desk and march straight toward C-Sec headquarters. She had no cares in this moment as emptiness gripped the void where her soul lay missing. Her mind drifting to the image of what Jasper would look like with his brains blown out, the barrel of her gun pressed right at his temple…

The movement on the screen pulled those dark fantasies away, something so fast she was barely able to follow. One moment Kolyat was there, the next he was throwing Jasper off the couch and across the room viciously, the smooth quick fluid movement only capable with those who had control and training. She stared at the screen unblinking, watching the rest of the event unfold.

Kolyat carefully gripped her shoulders to lift her halfway upon his lap. His eyes blanketed with worry laced with something else that made her throat turn dry and pressure tighten her lungs in an iron vice.

He was scared for her, but not only that, she could see his ribbing swell, not in anger but possession. He ran the back of his fingers over her cheek where Jasper had kissed her, his hands running through the waves of her hair several times where she had been grabbed by the other male. Thane had done that to her many times through their relationship, a territorial instinct. He was erasing another's scent and covering it with his own. A way of taking back control. Did Kolyat even realize he was doing it?

He called her name several times, ignoring the angry shouts of the human male he had just tossed like a ragdoll. His friend coming up beside him to check on the blond woman who had been sitting next to her as they exchanged words.

' _She is Commander Shepard, first Human Specter, and she came here for me.'_

She grinned as she watched the fear pass over Jasper's face, the shock and terror blanketing those in the crowd beside him as they had exchanged glances. She had worked hard for that reputation, people knew what she was capable of just by name alone. She hoped Jasper had shit his pants when he learned exactly who he had tried to fuck. How dead he and his friends would have been once she found him.

Jasper lunged at Keston and she smiled without warmth already knowing how this was about to play out as Kolyat grabbed him and dodged his blow, returning it with a swift strike across his mouth, blood pooling down his nose and mouth as he fell to the floor and screamed in rage.

' _You're dead Krios! You and Monroe!_ '

Kolyat's ribbing rippled as he growled viciously ignoring Jasper once again, turning back to touch her with a contradicting gentleness as he urged her to regain her senses. She watched herself grin at him and his expression softened immediately changing again to grave annoyance when he had grabbed her hand to prevent her from touching his frills.

She turned the video off and closed her eyes to try and remember the brief flashes that she had experienced since waking up in her apartment, only to trip over Kolyat who had fallen asleep propped up against her bed upon her bedroom floor.

She had kissed him, she remembered that now. Briefly recalling how much she had been willing for him to take her. The sharp spice on his tongue, his smooth velvety scales and the heady alien aromas of exotic musk upon his frills. He had tried to push her away, remembered his till of turmoil and uncertainty as he battled himself, his hands trying to grab hers and turn his face away. However, everything became lost as soon as his venom had made its way through her system. All other memories becoming muddled until she awoke in her apartment.

 _He said you had called him Thane…_

She had fucked up big time. He had tried to help her. Stopped Jasper and his friends from doing God knows what to her unconscious body and then most likely leaving her with no memory of it. He had taken her back to her apartment and stayed with her until he knew she was well, and what did she do? Blamed him for wanting to rape her himself.

' _Shepard, I care about you…too much to ever treat you like that.'_

Those words had been on the verge of undoing her. The admittance of his feelings once again had made her want to lash out. She had no idea what to do with them. No clue how to react at the time. No one really gave a shit about her. It was always what she could do for people, what they could get out of her. What she was trained and capable of doing. The emotion in his voice had made her realize that she had become so closed off from the rest of the world. From those she had called friends. The loneliness was engulfing. The care Kolyat had shown her…he shouldn't be wasting it on her.

Taking a deep breath she let the emptiness wash over her once again. The darkness filling her mind and chest like an unending pit of cold desolation. It was the place she went to when she became Commander Shepard. The presence of mind when she needed to kill.

Scrolling through her omnitool, she hit a name on her contact list, waiting patiently for the person to respond. She knew unless he was in the middle of something he would never avoid her call. On the fourth buzz, his face connected with her screen.

"Captain." She said curtly her voice low and ominous, she knew her eyes reflected the emptiness within her. The hardness of a Specter. Many individuals avoided her eyes when she was like this, but she knew Bailey would not be one of them.

He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck roughly. She could tell he was trying to gather his thoughts. She wondered if maybe the stresses of his responsibilities were getting to him too, or he genuinely didn't know what to say because a circumstance had occurred with people under his command pertaining to her. After a long moment his eyes hardened and met hers unwaveringly.

"Kolyat told me what happened. I assure you this is being kept under wraps."

"And you can also assure me that you will not go easy on the individuals involved." She answered coldly crossing her arms beneath her chest.

"We won't, _**I**_ won't. You know how I feel about dirty cops. It's being taken care of."

"Good, because trust me when I tell you, they wouldn't want me to carry out sentencing. They are lucky I'm in retirement, but that does not leave me without authority."

"I understand. I promise you, it's going to be dealt with."

"I trust you Bailey." She finally said after a long moment of silence, studying the hard look in the older male's eyes. She knew she could even regard him as a friend if need be.

"I heard some of the whispers of what might have happened. Of course Commander Shepard wasn't actually there but one of her look a like's. The kid did good."

"He is not a kid." She snapped.

No, Kolyat was far from the unreliable starting ground he originally came to the Citadel as. He was dependable and capable, strong and morally grounded. He was no longer the child his peers use to perceive him as. He was a man with the ability to go for what he believed in, what he wanted.

That thought caused her pause, his passion and determination surprising her over and over again. Everyone had doubts about him but Kolyat would push through and keep going with clear motivation, not caring how other's thought of him. In a way he shared that stubborn quality with Thane. The only path that mattered was the one he focused on. He saw things through and never wavered once the decision was made. If they had met under different circumstances, she would have taken him as one of her crew.

Bailey blinked at her slowly, his eyes narrowing as he studied her, mirroring her posture while he leaned back in his chair more comfortably. She could see the thoughts swirling over his features, knew he was trying to piece her attitude and the different circumstances together. Did he think there was something going on between her and Kolyat?

 _That's because there might be something going on…_

Shepard snorted and pushed the fleeting thought away. She didn't have time to dwell and entertain those ideas and she certainly damn well didn't want to entertain judgement in someone else's.

"Is there something you want to ask me?" She asked on the verge of hostility. Bailey's eyes narrowed in assessment.

"I'm wondering if you're going to call on Krios again. You have another event coming up, don't you? If you're trying to keep rumors from spreading, then I would suggest keeping the attention off him. There's already enough being spread about him. Unless you're purposefully putting him in the spotlight?"

"I thought you didn't give a shit about rumors?"

"I don't when they come to me but Krios…he has a future ahead of him to think about. Do you really want that kind of attention thrown on him?" Shepard blinked slowly as Bailey's words sunk in, the same thoughts that had crossed her briefly as well.

She knew Kolyat had made many enemies when he was brought into C-Sec under Bailey's guidance. Knew his friendship with the Captain would already be seen unfavorably because of his species. His attitude left much to be desired but her growing presence in his life could also be taken critically. Did Kolyat even think about any of this? How it could impact him in the future? People might even start targeting him, thinking that it would get to her.

When her time came and she returned to the deep, or wherever the hell she ended up going, if Thane was even waiting for her, he would kill her if something happened to Kolyat. Something that could have been avoided if she had just stayed away from him. Did Kolyat even realize that? The look in his eyes in that video had her wondering. His urge to scent mark her had her worried.

Kolyat did see it, and he probably didn't care. If that was true, then both of them were probably screwed, because no matter how much she thought about it since he had stormed out of her apartment and no matter how much she told herself she wouldn't, she couldn't stop thinking about him. She wanted to see him again. Even if it was the worst thing for him…for _**her.**_

 _Perhaps it's better this way. Just leave him mad this time. He won't come looking for you. Just leave him alone._

 _Don't do it to yourself again..._

 _Not with Kolyat…_

 _Not with anyone…_

* * *

She had cried when she held him, her grip so tight he felt her shaking in the embrace she had upon him. He held her softly, letting her hold him for as long as she wished, discomfort taking its toll on him the longer she held him but he didn't say anything. Didn't want to appear rude to someone showing their gratitude.

Her hold had tightened still when she voiced her appreciation once again, her words becoming incoherent as she buried her face in his jacket. Another small pair of hands came around his waist hard a purposeful, and then hesitation when they both pulled back in fear that they might have hurt him. It wasn't true though, his denser muscles prevented him from feeling pain from her touch, but he appreciated her concern.

"Take care of yourself Claire." He rumbled softly, his hands releasing their already light hold on her.

"It's Judy now." She answered smoothly, smiling sadly as she pulled away. Her fingers brushing away evidence of the tears that streamed down her cheeks. Kolyat looked down in respect, his gaze falling on the small female grasping his waist. Unease settled in his gut as he watched the tears in the child's eyes. He would always grow nervous when a female began to cry, his mother's face always becoming the first thought to enter his mind, along with the all the memories that threatened to spill from his lips.

Forgive me, Judy." He smiled running his hand through Mary, now Elizabeth's hair, kneeling down to look up at her. Her brother now named Jacob coming up beside her to take her hand.

"You both take care of your mother. She's counting on you to be strong."

"Is daddy going to come too?" Elizabeth asked, nibbling her bottom lip in worry. He could see all the questions in the young boy's eyes too. The fear of the unknown but the pride that prevented him from asking. Kolyat really did see a lot of himself in the young human male. He hoped his pride would not blind him when he got older and he hoped that the family's second chance would allow all of them from having a better future then what they had almost succumbed to.

"He will join you in a few more weeks. I will make sure he knows where you are."

"You promise?" Elizabeth asked earnestly slipping her tiny hand into Judy's, refusing to break eye contact with him as he rose to his feet.

"I promise." Kolyat grinned gently, running his fingers through the child's free flowing hair in a soothing manner. He was starting to learn that humans associated their hair with comfort and familiarity. The softness of her waves giving him a brief thought of the only other person's hair he had ever touched.

His gaze went back to Claire's and he smiled one last time seeing the relief blanket her face as the first boarding call for the shuttles sounded, her eyes watering in happiness.

"I can never thank you enough for what you have done for us. I just wish Uncle…"

"I know. He would be here if he could."

"I know." Claire looked down sadly, taking her children's hands in hers. There was nothing more he would be able to do for them and Bailey had socketed more credits away for him to give to her. Until Ryan joined them, everything else had been taken care of, by either Feron, himself or Shepard. The rest was in her hands.

"Goodbye, Judy. May Arashu watch over you and guide your steps always." He bowed deeply in respect, hoping with all of his soul that she would find happiness in her fresh start. With a final nod and a deep controlled breath, she turned and made her way towards the boarding line.

He stood there for a few moments making sure they boarded the shuttle without any problems, their ID's scanning through the sensors easily. It wasn't until he saw the shuttle doors close to end the boarding procedures when the subtle scent of lavender and honeysuckle overwhelmed his senses. It took him not even a second to locate her.

He saw her in the shadows, could sense her like an in visible caress in the back of his mind. Searching the darkness, he scanned her silhouette until their eyes finally locked into place. The rest of the world fading away, background noise muddled away in comparison to the vibrant pull of her eyes. Her sweet scent hitting him even harder from where he stood. The delightful scents of her body wash and a lingering soft aroma that was just entirely her. Just Shepard.

He felt his heart begin to race, staring into her green jeweled depths, nothing but power and beauty radiating within fathomless pools of unending strength. The will to sway the hearts of countless individuals. To save cities and planets.

To change lives.

His fingers flexed with the urge to motion her over, his body wanting every inch of him to be near her. Even if he knew he shouldn't. Even though he was still angry and aggravated with her. How misunderstood she was about him, how hurt he had been by it. He knew they needed some distance, knew time apart would probably help calm things down between them.

He knew what was changing within him.

Apprehension turned his stomach and knotted it into cold harbored dread. He knew what was happening, and he didn't entirely like it. His instincts and body were starting to choose her, recognize her as a potential prospect for claim, a potential bond or perhaps even more. Already he could feel his ribbing slightly thicken in anticipation of just being near her. He needed to feel her in his arms again, he needed to show her that he would do anything for her, that he could be anything she needed him to be. He needed...

To get the hell away from her...

Kolyat shoved his hands into his pockets and frowned deeply. She had already given him more chances than he thought she would. Honestly, he was giving her just as many in return. What male willingly went back to someone who struck them?

 _Taran went back to Mira_.

Yeah, but Shepard had shot him, ripped his good leathers. But then again, she did pay for the fix, after pulling a gun on him again and threatening him. Why did she have to say those things to him when they went to go meet Theirin and Jovan? Why did she show such genuine belief in him at the safe house, at the Unveiling, when she gave him his shield wallet at the club?

He should have never given into her teasing at the C-Sec Ball and kissed her. Again at the safe house, uncontrollably at the club. What the fuck was wrong with him? How many times would he allow himself to be turned down and pushed away? To allow her to make him feel smaller then he sometimes already felt. Any other woman he would have just walked away from, probably insulted them and told them to go fuck off. No one was ever worth this kind of trouble. No one was worth going out of their way for, to this extent at least. No one before Commander fucking Shepard. The woman who had wiggled her way under his scales in the worst way possible.

Did the same happen to his father? Did she get to Thane the same way that she was getting to him? No wonder his father had submitted completely, there was no hope of escape with her. It was pure torture.

 _The Gods are punishing me._

He had used women and toyed with them. He had never cared about anyone other than himself. Not until this woman came into his life like a battle raged charging Krogan, knocking down everything he had carefully built. The choices he had been at peace with. The walls around his life...and now his heart...

 _I should hate her for what she said..._

 _I should not want her..._

 _I should walk away and never see her again..._

He watched her swallow roughly, her eyes swirling with emotion and her own uncertainty. Did she feel as confused as him? She probably didn't know what to say to him any more than what he should say to her. Shepard's lips suddenly parted and she took a determined step towards him and without thinking he took a step back reflexively. His movement made her stop, her mask slipping perfectly into place, and the stoic patient stare of the Commander.

 _Not Sarah._

He hated the mask she had to wear. He hated how she had to carry herself. He hated how guarded and aware she had to be at all times. He hated how much he knew that she had no choice but to be this unbreakable symbol of hope.

 _Did no one see,_ _ **her**_ _?_

He took another step back and slowly turned away, the dull ache in his chest hard to ignore. Maybe one day she would realize that it was never the Commander he saw, but the angel that she embodied. The beautiful alien deity that he would have accepted unconditionally and perhaps who would have accepted him too. He hated how much he wanted to be her reprieve. He hated how much he wanted her to be his too.

 _This is ridiculous..._

Who was he trying to kid? His life had been nothing but disappointment and pain. Unspoken words and regret. No one would ever know him...no one would ever accept him...

He had killed people, and he had lied. He had hurt innocents and had laughed about it. Had been willing to keep doing it, until she had changed everything. Reconnecting him with his father, showing him a different path, giving him a second chance.

They had both thought that they had saved him from making a terrible decision and taking his first life. He never told them that it had already been too late.

He had thought perhaps Shepard...

No…it didn't matter what he thought. He had thought wrong. She was merely something to take his mind off the stresses of everything he was taking on. A distraction to help him focus on the important things. His career and future. It didn't matter what he was feeling. It didn't matter what his body wanted, what his heart was starting to feel, what his mind tried to convince him of.

Perhaps he did use her. Perhaps she had used him too. It would be no different than everyone before her. And the door opened both ways for that.

Kolyat never glanced back at her as he walked away, making sure his hands stayed in his pockets as he went, his bottom lip between his teeth. He feared that if he didn't, than he would be calling out to her and begging for even one more second in her presence. One more chance of allowing him to want her.

One more chance of seeing something that wasn't there.

* * *

 _Well, I did say tall dark and handsome…_

Roger Donovan was the epitome of perfect male masculinity. He was tall and well built, tanned skin and flawless deep chocolate eyes. His slicked back perfectly placed black hair reminded her of Kaiden's, thick and shiny. The kind a girl just wanted to grab in handfuls and yank in the dirtiest way possible. He had full pouty lips and a square jaw, sharp enough to cut diamonds. Seamlessly shaped eyebrows and a nose any art sculpture would kill to draw.

She studied him quietly, running her hands over her red dress, smoothing down the material upon her knees still chastising herself for allowing Narissa to talk her into even doing this. She wasn't interested in dating anyone right now, she shouldn't even be here with someone who was probably expecting some kind of interest back from her. The way this guy looked, he probably had women coming at him from every direction.

Donovan's eyes were on the menu, skimming over the page before they met hers briefly. She knew she was staring and she could see the discomfort as he fidgeted a moment before his fingers brushed over his silverware and lined them up with one another. She narrowed her eyes watching his mannerisms, the way he held himself, the air around him, how impeccably he was dressed.

He was trying too hard. He was either very nervous or trying to build a façade around himself. As if her thoughts were projected he glanced away from her stare and coughed into his hand before taking a sip of his water.

"You know, I was a little surprised you took me up on my offer to take you to lunch."

"Why? I doubt many women turn you down."

"Ah, I don't really ask…"

What the hell did that mean? She tilted her head to the side and assessed him more fully as he glanced away again clearly uncomfortable now. Did he just imply that he never had to ask because he was too good for that?

 _Are you trying to be a bitch?_

"Has anyone every told you that your eyes can be really intense."

"Am I making you nervous?" She smiled smugly crossing her legs and sitting back in her chair haughtily.

"A little. I think I'm just nervous to be having lunch with Commander Shepard. I mean, you're a hero and some of the things that you've done…" His eyes were wide and filled with awe and she could already feel the few expectations she might have had start to deflate.

 _Thanks a lot Narissa. I didn't want to have lunch with someone who would be star struck._

"Yep, that's me…Commander Shepard." Her voice was flat as she looked away from him for the waiter. She really needed to get a drink if she was going to get through this meal. Who gave a fuck if it was only the early afternoon?

"Sarah." He said gently after a long moment of silence. The tone making her hesitate as she brought her attention back to him. His eyes softening in underlined understanding.

"Sorry, my moment is over. Right now, you're just Sarah. I'm Donovan. Does that sound better to you?"

She could feel her muscles begin to relax by the kindness in his eyes. He looked away almost bashfully a hidden smile on his lips that reached his eyes. Something that couldn't be faked. Maybe she had misjudged him?

"Nice to meet you Donovan." She answered smoothly fighting the urge to frown, knowing he would have misinterpreted what she felt. She didn't like how her name sounded on his lips, the pitch and rumble unfamiliar and not exactly pleasing to hear. It felt wrong and made her uncomfortable. Her name did nothing coming from him, and he hadn't earned the privilege for the familiarity of it.

 _Neither did Kolyat, but you love how it sounds when he says it…_

"Sorry but…can you just call me Shepard? Everyone else does." That didn't sound like a bitchy request, did it? She should at least act civilized and give him a chance, right?

"Of course. Whatever makes you more comfortable."

She glanced away from the thoughtfulness in his stare, his deep set eyes making her second guess her thoughts. Her eyes roamed through the restaurant, glancing at the tables and patrons, looking for exits and escape routes in case she needed to flee, gun fight optional.

"So…your friends with Gary." She asked before bringing her gaze back on Donovan. He grinned and looked back down at his menu.

"Not exactly. An acquaintance of mine. He buys…merchandise from me."

"Oh God, I don't think I want to know." She scoffed as her mind went straight to the gutter with elaborate sex toys and dildos, knowing Gary's risqué attitude. She heard Donovan chuckle deeply. Jesus, did he have dimples?

"Client privacy."

"Yeah, I could just imagine the things he does behind closed doors."

Donovan laughed as she shook her head and crossed her arms back over her chest, her thoughts running wild with her. His rumbled laugh doing nothing for her as well.

 _Come on Shepard, what the hell is the matter with you? You used to swoon over guys like this? Make it a personal mission to get into their pants._

Her mind wandered to the first love of her life Major Nathan Connell, lost just as they started exploring their feelings. She didn't care if he was her commanding officer and that he was ten years her senior at the time. He was shot down during the Skyllian Blitz as she watched. His blood running over her hands as she tried to stop the bleeding, only to experience the fire burning out in his eyes as he whispered his love on a dying breath.

Then she thought of Kaiden and what they had experienced and the outcome of betrayal and heartbreak. She had finally healed from Connell when she had let Kaiden in, only to have her expectations crushed by the realization of the thin line between love and hate and devastation at Horizon.

 _Siha…_

She looked up quickly and stared at Donovan. He was talking but her mind just wasn't processing what he was saying. She nodded mechanically as if she was listening until her mind faded him away and Thane was sitting before her.

Shepard blinked slowly as she stared at him. His tall quiet presence and calming aura exactly how she remembered him. She smiled softly as she watched him. His gaze upon the menu, deep green irises moving as he read. His body completely still, always in control, every movement precise and never unneeded. Her hands bunched the material of her skirt at her knees, the urge to reach forward and touch him overwhelming. She felt her hands begin to shake. Her fingernails digging into her palms forcing pain to swell upon her skin.

She swallowed roughly and tore her gaze away, knowing it wasn't real. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath to steady herself as she heard Donovan ask if she had ever been to this restaurant before. Shaking her head automatically her eyes went to the menu, forcing her body to respond and act normally, picking up the menu pretending to look at it.

' _See me…please…see me…'_

Shepard blinked rapidly as a memory came back to her. Kolyat's soft words, barely a whisper, as if he didn't even realize he said them. His eyes filled with such raw pain and longing. She swallowed again reflectively and a subtle taste filled her mouth, rich and spicy. The taste of his tongue…Her lungs swelled in pain.

 _I think I'm losing my mind…_

"So, what do you like to do in your spare time?" Donovan's voice pulled her from her spiraling emotions. Dark thoughts and lost reality. She put the menu back down and looked up at him trying to answer the question, unclear of what to say.

"I…"

 _Go to the gun range? Drink? Think about killing myself? Blow things up, sometimes for fun? Fuck Drells?_

"I work a lot. I don't get a chance to really go out much." She answered simply shrugging nonchalantly.

"Okay…what about hobbies then?"

 _I work for the Shadow Broker until I can become a Specter again to track people down that need to be killed. Go to the gun range. Blow things up…that's a hobby, right?_

 _Don't say fucks Drells…_

"I'm thinking." She answered to reassure him, searching her daily routine to figure out something to say to him.

 _I collect model ships? Fuck that's nerdy, don't tell him that either… He probably plays golf or something stupid and boring._

"Do you have any hobbies?" She opted for deflection.

"I play golf from time to time."

 _Oh…my…fucking...God…SHE KNEW IT!_

"When was the last time you were on a date?" He asked grinning, almost as if he was holding onto his own private joke. Was he making fun of her lack of finesse and dating etiquette in this moment?

"Like before a relationship or after it was established?"

"Before."

"I…don't really remember. I kind of just fucked the guys and then had to go on another mission." Donovan coughed and spit his water back into his cup in surprise, patting himself on the chest to suppress his sputtering.

 _Why the hell did you say that? Now he's going to think you're a slut._

"Sorry, I didn't expect that kind of answer. You're public image is…"

"That's because they cut all the good stuff out, they only release what they think is best to be shown. Only the reporters who hate me will go out of their way to slander my name. I don't really care though. It's not going to change who I am."

"That's very admirable." They shared a moment of silence before a specific memory came to mind.

"My last relationship…it was pretty long. Almost two years. We didn't get to go on dates much because we were always stuck on the Normandy doing missions. Even when I gave my crew shore leave there were always things that needed my attention, but we tried to make time the best we could, as much as we could."

' _Time for me is short Siha, but any I have is yours to take.'_

"What was his name?"

"Thane…I remember this one time he surprised me on the lounge deck. He set up this elaborate pillow bed, fortress thing. He planned a picnic with all these exotic foods he smuggled in. We spent the whole time feeding each other from our hands. Just holding one another, making love with nothing but the stars surrounding us." Shepard smiled serenely as she thought back on the memory of Thane.

"Very smooth."

"Yeah, he was…Sorry you don't want to hear about any of that."

"What happened between you two, if you don't mind me asking? Was it a rough breakup?"

"He died." She answered quietly after a short pause. She didn't know why she told Donovan that intimate memory, something just seemed right, but she wasn't looking for pity. Just as she started regretting what she said Donovan smiled sadly, however his eyes radiated serene understanding.

"I'm sorry for your loss. I understand what it's like to lose someone close. It's never easy, even if you are prepared for it…" He looked down at the table his gaze becoming distant. Something told her that perhaps they were in the same boat.

"He was sick…we both knew what we were getting into when we started the relationship…I just…"

 _Didn't realize how much of my soul he would take with him when he died. How completely I would love him._

For some reason her mind drifted to Kolyat again, his grinning face coming to her so vibrantly it caused her pause. She thought about the shimmer of his scales. How beautiful they were in the different lighting, either blue or green or somewhere in between as he moved from place to place. How he tried to conceal his thoughts within a blank glare but his passion and emotion peeking out so openly at times.

She really should send him a message. She should apologize and thank him for the other night. Maybe he would forgive her, or maybe he wouldn't. Maybe he would be willing to have lunch with her or something. Maybe she shouldn't talk to him at all. However one thing was absolutely true if nothing else…She would never call him Thane's name on purpose. She had this gut feeling that it was something he constantly had in the back of his thoughts. That perhaps she was comparing them. Perhaps he was comparing himself. Did he view himself as a shadow of his father?

 _Oh shit, Donovan is talking again…_

"I'm sorry, what?"

"My wife, Vivian. She died a few years ago."

"I'm sorry. I hadn't known that. Gary or Narissa never mentioned it."

"I didn't meet Gary until after. She and the baby had died a few months prior. She passed in child birth."

 _Holy shit…_

"I buried myself in my work. Probably something in common that we share. I focused on everything but them until it became easier. Until I was able to think back on the memories without pain. I haven't dated anyone since then." They stared at one another in silence her mind running a million miles per hour. Someone who had experienced the same loss. She had misjudged him.

"How do you…" She didn't know how to word her question. Too many coming at her at once. Donovan waited a moment before he smiled softly his omnitool suddenly beeping with a bunch of incoming messages. He looked down and opened his program reading the messages quickly, a scowl blanketing his lips. He sucked his teeth and looked back at her in genuine aggravation.

"Shepard, I really don't want to but I have to go. There's a problem with one of the merchants I do business with and my worker's need assistance. They are due to leave in another hour, I have to complete this transaction for a client."

"It's ok, I understand." She replied gently. The questions already leaving her. She knew exactly what it was like to drop everything and run if she had an important mission.

Donovan sighed heavily and stood up from the table waving away the waiter who was coming for their order. He explained that they he had an emergency and had to leave when the server became agitated apologizing for the delay in service.

"I would like to reschedule if that's ok with you." He looked at her one more time in apology.

"I think I would like that. Call my office, Narissa will set something up."

She genuinely wouldn't mind seeing him again, even if it was just to talk. She didn't think she would be interested in him more intimately until then. They should get to know each other a little more at least. Donovan smiled from her words, nodding as he started to walk away but stopped a moment to say one final thing.

"Vivian was everything to me. It took me a long time, but I know she wouldn't want me to waste the time I do have left in misery. She would want me to be happy. It takes some time, but you should ask yourself…would Thane want you to mourn him for the rest of your life, or find happiness where you can…thank about that. It helped me a lot. I'm finally ready to start my life again…are you?"

Without another word he turned and left, his words resonating in her brain. Was she ready to move on? Would she be able to? The thought of letting him go made her chest burn in anguish. She would never let him go. She couldn't…not when she sometimes secretly thought of joining him. Of ending it all…

 _If I become a Specter again, death will surely find me…_

She took her time around the Presidium, walking slowly and thinking about things. Her life, her friends. She wondered how Feron was doing. How his own demons were being dealt with. She understood about him needing some time alone, but she wondered about all the other things he didn't tell her about. She knew there was more going on with him. She wondered if maybe Kolyat and he would become close. She hoped they did.

She thought about Kolyat and his reaction to her when he spotted her watching as Claire and the kids safely boarded the shuttle. She had wanted to call him several times, but she could never get the nerve to actually open the chat. When her mind had finally been made up to approach him, he had stepped back as if he wanted to avoid her. She deserved that. He shouldn't want to be around someone like her anyway, no matter how her thoughts and feelings were starting to change towards him.

 _I shouldn't even be entertaining that idea…_

She walked for a while longer, wandering through sections she had never been before. A shopping area, a park and playground, a few office buildings near an art gallery. Her mind far away and semi oblivious to the world around her as she wandered. Until a flash of shimmering blue caught her attention. Her feet freezing in place.

 _Kolyat…_

 _Think about the devil, and the devil will appear._

He was leaning against a railing, looking at the level below him, his eyes alert and aware as he scanned the area, his body relaxed but poised and ready. He was in his C-Sec uniform, the dark blues of the uniform perfect against the color of his scales. Was he on patrol? Should she even approach him? Maybe it was her turn to back away and leave? Before she had a chance to process her options he turned his head and locked his gaze immediately to hers.

 _No chance of slipping away now._

Her breath caught in her throat by the strength in his stare, but she stood her ground refusing to show any sign of her apprehension to approach him. Let him think that she could care less if he walked away again or not, even if it wasn't true. Should she chance approaching him? Perhaps he was still angry with her. Perhaps he had finally decided to not bother with her anymore. Maybe he needed some space?

Kolyat blinked at her slowly and pushed himself off the bannister standing up straight, his expression turning to slight annoyance and arrogance while his eyes scanned her fully from head to foot. She fought a shudder while his obsidian orbs assessed her meticulously. She knew she was too overdressed for a casual stroll.

She had kept her hair down, crunching it into tighter waves to end right before her chest. Her makeup was lightly done, opting for just a daintier line of mascara, liner and lip gloss. Her dress was a deep red, short sleeved and ending right before her knees. The upper chest and shoulders were made out of a flowered lace while the rest was a plain cotton material with a slightly layered skirt. The same lace pattern bunched up beneath her dress to give it some volume, peeking out beneath the edges of the cotton trim. She always tried to wear dresses that gave her extra places to hide knives and a gun easily.

She watched the ribbing on his throat ripple, an indication of a till that she wasn't able to hear. Taking a chance she took a few steps closer. When he didn't move she started to believe he had tried to express through sound that he wanted her to approach him. If he didn't, he made no other indication and as she approached she noticed his body beginning to relax further. Coming up beside him she rested her hands on the railing and glanced at the people walking below them. Noticing his periodic glance as he shifted his eyes from her, towards the floor below again. He remained quiet and it was several heartbeats before she finally decided to speak. She had a feeling he was waiting for her to start the conversation anyway.

"How much longer until your shift is over?" She spoke softly wanting to keep the conversation as neutral as possible for the time being. Kolyat shifted next to her, leaning against the bannister again avoiding her gaze.

"I just finished my patrol. I was about to head home. You?"

"I had a dinner meeting, but it got cut short."

"Work?"

"Not exactly..."

Why did she suddenly feel guilty about not wanting to tell Kolyat she went on a date? She shouldn't be feeling this way. She should care less what he thought about her. Fidgeting slightly she bit her lip trying to figure out what she wanted to say. Sensing her discomfort Kolyat looked at her and sighed deeply. However, instead of annoyance he smiled at her thinly his eyes softening in compassion.

"Want to talk about it?"

"Nothing really to talk about. Narissa thinks I spend too much time working and that it looked like I was overdue for some fun."

"I agree. You do seem really uptight at times."

"Thanks." She answered flatly her lips thinning into a scowl as the smile fell from his face, his hardening eyes looking back at the landing below them.

"I mean, it must be really exhausting when you're at the top, and you think everyone is out to get you."

Ouch… _Yep…He's still mad._

Shepard smiled without warmth. She knew Kolyat could have a bite to his words. She wondered if it was an innate Krios trait or something he might have picked up from Thane. Perhaps his way with words was just his open honesty. She knew he preferred to be truthful, even if he ended up being a jerk about it.

"I don't think that." She tried to retort begrudgingly.

"No?" Kolyat hummed gently in contemplation. "I wonder where I got that idea then."

"I wonder…" She grimaced listening as Kolyat hummed again, the sound almost like a dismissal for her thoughts. He was being rude on purpose and she knew exactly what he was waiting for. Taking another moment she finally turned towards him purposefully.

"I'm sorry I didn't call you. I just didn't know what to say to you. I know you needed some time to-"

"I understand Shepard, we don't have to talk about that." His voice was neutral and almost cold as he pushed off the balcony and righted himself. He looked down and sighed, rubbing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose as if thinking. A long silence stretching out between them again. Shepard huffed and frowned running her hands over the edge of the bannister as she tried to think of what else to say. She hated apologies, especially when she knew she had seriously fucked up. Even if she knew she was doing her best to be sincere.

Without warning her stomach growled loudly.

Kolyat chuckled almost emptily in surrender, shaking his head as he glanced at her wearily, a tight grimace of a smirk covering his lips now. Shepard felt her cheeks redden as she glanced away from him in slight embarrassment from the noise. Maybe she should have just stayed at the restaurant and eaten something before leaving.

"Hungry?"

"Yeah…I actually can't remember the last time I ate a full meal." Kolyat immediately frowned at her, the displeasure in his stature apparent from her words.

"Are you neglecting to take care of yourself on purpose?"

"No…I just, forget to eat sometimes…"

Silence stretched between them again as she tore her gaze away from his. Even though she knew he was irritated with her, she felt relaxed in his presence. His spicy scent drifted to her and an easiness swept through her, making her feel calm and comfortable. Did he even realize he was doing that to her? She could feel his eyes on her, waiting, gauging, considering his next words. She didn't want to look at him though, she knew he had a multitude of thoughts going through his mind, and she feared what she might not be able to control her mouth from saying when his aroma gave her an urge to reach out and touch him.

"Do you want to get something to eat?"

"It might be something you don't like." She answered challengingly, grinning widely.

"I'll try to be adventurous…whatever you want." Kolyat chuckled softly. The soothing sounds influencing her to look back at him. The blue in his eyes starting to shine through slightly. If there was just a little more light…

"You might regret that." She tilted her head up defiantly enjoying the comfort passing between them finally once again.

"I like experiencing new things with you." Kolyat said easily before his inner eyelids blinked in embarrassment and he looked down as his frills darkened slightly. "I mean, I…"

"Have you ever had pizza?" She grinned while warmth spread through her chest from his sudden nervousness.

"I don't know what that is."

"No? Then you should prepare yourself for an experience. Come on!"

She grabbed his hand in excitement without thinking, urging him towards the nearby skycab's almost to the point of giddiness. She had been craving pizza for weeks but never had a chance to go. Now she was about to indulge and have it with someone who never experienced the delicious fatty goodness of melting cheese, spiced sauce and perfectly cooked bread. She couldn't wait!

Kolyat didn't say anything and he automatically gave in to her as she pulled him behind her and into the cab. Opening her omnitool she checked to make sure that Kolyat could eat anything he wanted at the shop that she was about to take him to. Showing him some of the pictures of the different pizza's that they offered. He asked a few questions about some of the pasta's and meats on her screen and she laughed at his reaction when he balked at the Earth animals the food came from. He shook his head with borderline horror refusing some of the foods which made her laugh in amusement.

"I thought you said you wanted to be adventurous?" She chided, showing him a picture of a cow while he scowled. She liked watching the expressions on his face, his pouty lips becoming fuller as he pursed them while he contemplated.

"That animal looks dirty." He complained as they exited the skycab and she led him towards her favorite pizza shop. It wasn't as good as what they made back on Earth, but it was the best one the Citadel had.

"Why don't you just get a regular slice then or something with vegetables and no cheese? Although that's just you being boring."

"Be honest, you don't think I'm boring." He gave her a sideways conceited smirk, his eyes sparkling with mirth taking the tray she handed him while waiting for their turn to order.

"Say's you." She deadpanned, looking away as if to ignore him. She heard him chuckle behind her. That smooth rumble making her insides tighten in secret enjoyment.

"So what's it going to be?" She grinned when it was their turn to order. Kolyat eyed the glass display case in front of them until he pointed to one of the pies smiling politely to the server.

"One of those slices of the pie please."

Shepard laughed gently at Kolyat's awkward wording but the man didn't say anything as he got both of them there order's and placed them on the tray. Grabbing two waters, Kolyat took the tray and headed towards the register handing the woman a credit chit. Shepard decided not to fight him as she began looking for a table and waved at him once she was situated. She grinned as she watched him a moment staring down at his food, almost as if he was trying to gather his nerves before attempting to take a bite.

"Having second thoughts?"

"I keep thinking about the cow." He answered seriously. The grave look on his face much too somber in the presence of pizza perfection.

"Stop thinking about that. Never think about the food having a face, just eat it. I promise you'll love it." She smiled and rested her elbows on the table, resting her chin upon her overturned cupped fingers, flashing her teeth. He let out a deep breath and picked up his utensils ready to start cutting the food.

"What are you doing?" She raised her head in mock horror. Oh the pizza inhumanity! Kolyat stopped in mid motion and tilted his head to the side in confusion, blinking his inner eyelids rapidly in discomfort.

"What do you mean?"

"You don't eat this with utensils. I mean you can, but that's just weird."

He looked down at his plate and lowered his fork and knife, watching her critically as she picked up the slice, folded it slightly and took a huge bite. Shepard took a moment and closed her eyes, moaning softly in enjoyment. All that cheesy goodness and delicious sauce exactly what she needed in this moment.

"Oh God, that's so good." She moaned again, taking another large bite before blinking at the drell before her who stared at her in disbelief making her blink at him in innocent curiosity.

"What?" She asked in uncertainty, covering her mouth to hide the sauce on her chin as she took a napkin to wipe away her mess.

"So not only do you eat an animal that looks gross, you eat it with your hands?"

"Look around Mr. Manners, it's how the food is eaten." She shrugged taking another bite. Not allowing Kolyat's skepticism to deter her from heaven in her hands.

After a moment of glancing around and watching several different species eat, Kolyat finally picked up his slice and took a bite. His eyes lit up while he chewed and she fought a huge grin as he eagerly continued eating his food.

"Do you like golf?" She suddenly asked after taking a drink from her water. She didn't know why she asked but the question just came to her.

"I'm not going to pretend I know what that is." He answered smoothly reaching for his water to take a drink.

"It's a sport on Earth."

"What kind of sport?"

"You have to hit a small hard ball with a club in a wide open field into a series of holes. The object is to use the smallest amount of strokes to complete the course. You take turns until you finish." He stayed quiet for a moment taking another bite and reflecting on what she said. A frown covering his lips.

"And…this is popular on your planet."

"Somewhat. Many people find it exciting. A lot of skill is needed to be a great player."

"Do you like this sport? It sounds boring…no offense."

"It's...not my thing. I was just curious if maybe you've heard of it." Kolyat looked down at the table for a moment his inner eyelids closing quickly before his eyes dilated, his lowered voice spilling out quickly.

" _He bumped the table, grimacing, eyes staring at me in anger. Body relaxed, feet propped up on the metal unmoving. I am not nervous like him. He leaves the room followed by the rest. Watching the screen intently, I am transfixed in curiosity. The wood is pulled back high over his shoulder. Eyes narrowing, focused, trained, waiting. He swings quickly. The ball connects. A loud crack, cheers in the crowd. He runs, releasing a breath, muscles coiled, sprinting at full speed."_

Shepard smiled gently listening to Kolyat's memory, knowing what sport he had been watching. Releasing himself from the memory he looked up at her and returned her smile.

"I have watched some of your planets other sports, soccer and baseball. They are popular things the human cadets watch while on break, and even sometimes when they are not."

"The person who bumped the table?"

"Yes…Bailey had come in unexpectedly. The cadets had all jumped up to leave immediately. He makes them nervous. I didn't move, although I was still on shift. That particular cadet did not like how I interacted with Bailey so easily. He had come in and simply asked me to recall the last home run play, before telling me to get back to work."

"I didn't take Bailey for a baseball fan. I kind of saw him as a football lover."

"I do not know that sport."

"It's pretty hands on and can get rough at times. Here, I'll show you." She got up and pulled her chair to the other side of him, opening her omnitool to pull up some footage of a recent football game that she knew took place on the Citadel a week prior. After explaining some of the rules and showing him a couple of plays he seemed to grow fascinated as he continued to watch.

"Why do I have a feeling this is probably your favorite sport on Earth."

"Why do you say that? Maybe I like boxing? Maybe I like UFC?" Kolyat shook his head and shrugged vaguely oblivious to what she was talking about.

"Ultimate Fighting Championship?"

"Ah, yes, that does sound more like you. Unless there's a sport where you get to shoot things?"

"Maybe?" She grinned in amusement. Her attention pulled from him as a human family passed by with large sticks of cotton candy. The husband carrying a large teddy bear and a stuffed Blasto toy.

"There must be an event going on right now. Those look like prizes." She mused quietly watching them cross the platform towards the skycab's. The children giggling and laughing as they stole the others multicolored sugared treats. She glanced at Kolyat as he pulled up his omnitool searching through information.

"There is something called a 'carnival' happening nearby. It says there are rides, games and an arcade. A free performance is happening later for charity."

"I can't even remember the last time I was at a carnival. I think I was still a child."

"I've never been to one."

"No? Do you want to go and see it?" The words left her mouth before she realized and after she said it she knew it was too late to take it back. She suddenly didn't want to either. She wanted to spend some more time with him and she had a feeling he was thinking the same thing. The look on Kolyat's face was of delight, but his eyes shone with curiosity as he stared at her quietly, raising an eyeridge questioningly.

"Are you trying to cover up your interest by inviting me to go, since I have never been?"

"Well, if you don't want to go..." Shepard shrugged biting the inside of her cheek to prevent herself from grinning coyly as she stood up. Kolyat's fingers darting out to clasp around her wrist, halting her movement from grabbing the tray. His eyes brightened as he stared up at her, making her heartbeat hitch from his touch.

"If you want to, I'll go."

"Now who is trying to cover up their interest?" She chided, tapping the collar of his jacket playfully, slipping from his grasp. She grabbed the tray while he helped her clean up, noticing the soft smile on his lips as he guided her through the ward following their location to the carnival on his omnitool. Once the arcade came into view she shuffled on her feet in budding excitement.

"Want to do a shooting game? I'm sure I'll beat you."

"Are you really sure about that? I've been practicing quite a lot."

"Yeah but the games aren't like the shooting range. They take another set of skills."

"You act as if I haven't played a video game before."

Shepard grinned and skipped ahead of him playfully turning with her hands clasped behind her back cheekily. Her eyes narrowing in challenge.

"All right, you think your hot stuff, right? If my kill count is higher you have to buy me ice cream and cotton candy." Kolyat snickered back and placed his hands in his jacket returning her grin conceitedly.

"And if I win?"

"What do you want?"

He was quiet as he stared at her, the blue of his eyes shining for a brief moment before disappearing again into darkness. She felt the heat once more erupt over her chest as his eyes roamed over her while he remained silent. Snorting back her dismissal she crossed her arms over her chest haughtily.

"It doesn't matter. You're not going to win."

"And you call me arrogant." He mused walking towards her.

"Nope, just confident."

She grinned once more as he passed her and opened the door, holding out his hand to guide her inside. The place was crowded and loud and she gave Kolyat a few moments to glance around and experience the setting before they found a machine to transfer credits into tokens. Finally deciding on one of the zombie shooters they waited for their turn to come.

"This is a co-op game."

"Is there a problem?"

"No. So we will determine higher score then?"

"Sure…mine is going to be higher." She teased as they both picked up the plastic laser guns and stepped onto the small platform beside one another, waiting patiently for the opening cut scene to finish and enemies to come on the screen. Quickly shooting her gun, they both took turns taking down targets, the side of the gun controlling their characters movements along with a sideways motion to load their pistols. After she took down the last two targets before a break scene, she looked at Kolyat's score which was only a few hundred points behind hers.

"What's the matter Krios? Can't keep up?" She laughed sweetly mocking him, her smile falling when he took down four targets back to back before she could react. A smug grin tilting the corners of his mouth.

"I'm sorry, what were you saying? The score is in my favor?"

She sucked her teeth when he chuckled, never taking his eyes off the screen. Firing a few more targets she noticed Kolyat keeping up with her. The both of them racking in point after point in a close tie. She frowned again and sucked her teeth in irritation when he stole one of her targets, her hand moving out to push against him in annoyance. He caught her hand easily and held the controller with the other hand glancing at her momentarily with a chuckle. The distraction was enough for her to take down the next three targets with head shots, claiming the bonus round. When his eyes fell back on the screen he let out a low sound of frustration, noticing her score jump up several thousand points.

"What the hell?" He growled making her laugh and fake pout.

"Awww, what's the matter? Didn't know head shots gave you a bonus in that round?"

"You distracted me on purpose."

Shepard just shrugged innocently, laughing when Kolyat tried to push her gently to make her miss a shot but failing. This time Kolyat made sure to pay attention to the bonuses and took every opportunity to go for the head shots. During the next intermission she noticed a crowd forming around them in interest.

"Holy shit! They're about to hit the high score." Someone said from behind them making more people show interest and gather around. She shared a look with Kolyat and grinned in enjoyment.

"Should we go for it?" She asked mischievously making Kolyat nod and return her grin full force, both of them shifting in their stances to play seriously now. They took turns and covered the other when their sights were set on a different targets. Making sure to watch one another's blind side. After two more intermissions she saw people in the crowd clapping in excitement.

"That's the final boss."

"I've never even seen the final boss."

"Holy crap…you think they'll be able to kill him? Look at that health."

They both started firing immediately as the boss appeared on the screen, their fingers moving over the trigger rapidly to try and knock down as much health as they could before ducking into cover from the overwhelming attacks.

"Our hits aren't really doing anything." Kolyat frowned, reloading his gun and checking his health bar.

"Watch your nine." Shepard warned and immediately Kolyat shifted his controls moving out of the way from a spray of bullets, his gaze moving to the top of the screen.

"There's explosive barrels on the top right. Think if I lure him up there you can take the shot? Maybe that will take his health down."

"I always love the kill shots. I'll distract him."

Shepard fired her controller several times as Kolyat moved his character behind cover, up the ladder and got the barrels ready. Once he was out of harm's way Shepard stopped firing and Kolyat took over to lure the monster towards the barrels. Once he was in range Shepard fired at the barrels and the explosion knocked the monster down, depleting a third of his remaining health.

"There has to be other barrels." Kolyat said turning his character to try and survey the rest of the area.

"I see them at your twelve and six."

"Same plan as before? Shit!" His character went down and she moved hers over making sure to stay behind cover until she was able to revive him.

"Thanks." He grimaced avoiding another wave of attacks trying to move to safety. The crowd behind them getting loud, cheering them on.

"Alright. Round two and three. Let's do this."

They both went carefully doing their parts and working together, giving cover fire from the monster who got too close to the other. The crowd around them was getting wild when they set the second barrel up and made their way to the last. When she shot off the final explosion the monster fell to its death and a big congratulations came across the screen. Shepard and Kolyat both grinned as they holstered the plastic laser guns and gave each other a high five, receiving a few pats on the back as they passed through the crowd who cheered them on in congratulations. When they were clear she sucked her teeth loudly and released an aggravated moan.

"Shit! Did you see the final score? I forgot to look."

"I won." He said easily grinning at her.

"No you didn't, your lying."

"Are you sure about that? How do you know if you didn't see the score?"

"That's because you probably cheated. I know you didn't win." She crossed her hands over her chest in rebellion. Mad at herself for forgetting to look at the final score, losing herself in the fun she was having with him. Kolyat took a step towards her bringing himself incredibly close to her as he dipped his mouth down towards her ear. His breath tickling the skin of her neck as his scent filled her nostrils making her breath catch in her throat from his nearness.

 _Jesus, he smells good…_

"I'll still buy you cotton candy and ice cream…even though I won." His last words ending on a smug tone, as he pulled away to walk towards the food stands, leaving her to scoff at his back. The fluid way he moved and the smooth muscles of his shoulders mesmerizing her for a moment as she watched him walk away.

"Wishful thinking, Krios!" She called after him as she jogged to come up beside him. Absently hooking her hand around the bend of his elbow to pull herself against his side without thinking.

He didn't slow down but she saw the frills on his neck darken slightly, his inner eyes close rapidly several times before he roughly swallowed and met her eyes stoically. She shouldn't be touching him like this but she refused to show him any embarrassment by her actions. Instead she tried for deflection.

"So, have you ever tried cotton candy before?"

"No." He said quietly adjusting his arm so she could hold on more easily because of her shorter height.

"Not surprising. I noticed you're not into sweets."

"Not usually, no."

They walked in silence and she felt a little guilty making him buy something he probably wouldn't enjoy. She slowed her footing making Kolyat stop along with her as her gaze fell upon a racing game. Pulling on his arm gently she urged him to follow her towards the machine.

"I thought you wanted ice cream?"

"Maybe later. Let's do another game. Double or nothing."

"I still haven't said what I wanted if I won."

"Still so confident? How about this. Tell me after you actually win, ok?"

Flashing his teeth, he nodded in acceptance, letting her lead him to one of the vacant machines with a race car theme. Inserting their coins they waited patiently for other players to join them until the race started. Almost immediately she was in first place with Kolyat right on her heel. She concentrated as much as she could knowing driving wasn't exactly her strongest suit but she was determined to beat him. She felt Kolyat push her gently, poking her side to tickle her. The jerked movement rearing her car slightly off the track as she turned her wheel accidently. The slight mishap was enough to give him the advantage and pass her, taking first place.

"You are such a cheater."

"I never thought I would hear the sound of defeat in your voice, Commander."

"Keep wishing." She hit her turbo boost and sped past him, claiming the first place position with Kolyat still on her tail.

"What the fuck, she still had a turbo boost?" She heard someone grumble right next to her making her smile cruelly. They probably didn't realize that Kolyat still had his too. Suddenly she noticed him shifting gears, slamming his foot down on the peddle and hitting his turbo boost until he was right beside her. He grinned as they made their way towards a sharp turn and he hummed in plotting indication.

"Don't even think about it." She gritted her teeth in warning hearing him snicker as he pushed his car into hers to try and push her off the road. She shot her hand out and pushed his arm trying to grab his steering wheel and turn it in his grip. Her movements constantly being intercepted as he blocked her hands and covered her own eyes with his palm.

They both started laughed as they tried to sabotage the other, pushing and poking, bumping their shoulders, until both of them crashed into a sharp turn they weren't able to make because of their antics. Big red letters of game over came up on both of their screens making them chuckle in response.

"Well, I guess that's that."

"You wouldn't of won anyway." He retorted brazenly, helping her up from the machine as she tried to regain her footing in her red overly high heeled shoes. He was probably right. She had never driven in heels, but she would be damned if she was about to admit that to him.

"You're just so full of yourself tonight, aren't you?"

"You like it though." He whispered, his hand lingering for just a moment before he released her wrist as she righted herself, her skin immediately feeling cold from his absence. "I think the performance is going to start soon. We should start heading out to the court yard. I will meet you out there."

"Where are you going?" She asked curiously trying her best not to sound as needy as she suddenly thought she must sound like. _Fuck, self-conscious much?_ He smiled at her easily as he took a few steps away. His eyes softening as he reached into his pocket to take out the golden coins they had left over still.

"I'm going to look for a few kids to give these to. I shouldn't be too long. Go find a spot, I'll find you."

Shepard nodded in understanding, pleased that he would go out of his way so the tokens wouldn't be wasted. So many different sides to Kolyat she was learning every time they were in each other's presence. How much of his personality and life were still left to explore.

 _No…don't go there. Those thoughts are too dangerous._

Frowning from what had just crossed her mind, she pushed down what she felt and started to make her way out into a large open area filled with people. Weaving through the crowd she found an open spot as the lights started to dim. A piano beginning to play, notes being touched sporadically. The soft melody of keys being struck finally started to create a tune, a hum of sound as vocals warmed up, snapping the song into a perfect flow.

She stayed on the outside as the gathering grew larger. A woman sat with her eyes closed upon a small platform within the center as the lights dimmed a little more. The drums suddenly beat down harshly in surrounding hits. A rhythm that forced your heartbeat to keep pace with it as it pulsed beneath her feet. She saw the looks in the crowd, the enjoyment from the sounds. She knew it had caught her too and she couldn't stop herself from feeling the pull as the vocals came through the microphone, pounded the air around the small mob, vibrating it into her veins.

 _I want every single piece of you._

 _I want your heaven and your oceans too._

 _Treat me soft but touch me cruel._

 _Want to teach you things you never knew, baby._

She stepped further into the crowd closing her eyes to feel the words and music wash over her. The beat invoking a deep connection inside of her. Loving how it unexpectedly made her feel, like she could get lost in the flow of drums and sound. Of perfect music and deep toned vocals.

 _Bring the flow up to my knees._

 _Let me fall into your gravity._

 _And kiss me back to life to see,_

 _Your body standing over me._

 _Baby, don't let the lights go down…_

Shephard opened her eyes and turned her head feeling someone watching her. Kolyat stood on the other side of the crowd and they stared at each other for a long moment. The chorus turning the song into a gritty and pure groove of movement around them. Couples glided and danced together, the atmosphere gaining fervor. Kolyat walked to her in long slow strides. His gaze burning as he stared at her. The expression in his eyes making her chest tightened to the point of pain. Her breath stopping in her throat from the sudden smothering intensity in his dark consuming gaze.

She turned her body towards him on instinct as he approached her, his hand ever so slowly reaching out to grab her wrist. She didn't fight him, she didn't want to. Willingly letting him move against her, guiding one hand around his neck, her fingers wrapping around him without restraint. He let her hand go, snaking his other palm to her lower back, being careful when he felt her gun. He urged her closer against him, resting her other hand over his chest.

Her skin was on fire as he guided her slowly, the beat of the music hard to ignore as he swayed her gently from side to side. Her heart was hammering wildly in her chest, her mind racing. He smelt so good and it felt so right with his arms around her.

"Kolyat…you know I would have never said his name on purpose, right? I didn't mean to hurt you." It was probably the worst moment to bring it up, but she had to say something. Had to fight against the heavy weight her chest now had upon it.

"Just close your eyes. Feel the music. Nothing else matters right now." He murmured against her ear, his hot breath once again doing things to her as it caressed her neck.

' _Would Thane want you to mourn him for the rest of your life, or find happiness where you can?'_

 _Maybe…_

Shepard did as he told her, just wanting to experience one moment of overwhelm desire to take her. Surely she could give herself that? She danced with him. The feel of his body against hers comforting and erotic. Familiar, yet new. Hard muscles and smooth scales, warm and sensual against her heated skin.

 _I love the way your body moves._

 _Towards me from across the room._

 _Brushing past my every groove._

 _No one has me like you do, baby._

Kolyat pushed her out and spun her slowly. She knew her cheeks were burning and she did her best not to stumble as she kept her eyes closed and let him pull her flush against him once again. His hands held her tightly and his cheek brushed against hers. She felt and heard the low till of contentment vibrate his throat. Her breaths were shaky and she had trouble swallowing. Her lungs incredibly tight, and she feared that Kolyat could feel the hammering of her heartbeat against his own chest.

 _Bring your heart, I'll bring my soul._

 _But be delicate with my ego._

 _I want to step into your great unknown._

 _With you and me setting the tone._

 _Baby, don't let the lights go down…_

"Do you feel it?" His voice whispered to her as the beat became almost overwhelming. She opened her eyes catching the husky hitch in his voice. His eyes brightening in need.

"What's happening in this moment?" He pulled away slightly to peer down at her. The lights from the stage catching his irises making them shine like sapphire jewels, vibrant and intense. She knew her own had widened in awe, because she did. She felt it…whatever was happening…stopping time in this moment.

He dipped his face down slightly, his lips parting as his breath traced over her own. He touched her mouth hesitantly, his eyes narrowed as he assessed her reaction. She had a feeling he was waiting for her to push him away. However that thought was the furthest from her mind as the perfect feel of his skin left her trembling in his arms. Closing her eyes, she tilted her head up, allowing this moment of overwhelming possession to overtake her.

 _Just one moment. Allow me one moment…_

He increased the pressure and covered her mouth perfectly against his. He kissed her long and passionately, his lips gentle but claiming everything she offered him. His hand slid up her back, pressing her harder against himself, the feel of his body perfectly molding against hers. He deepened the kiss, his tongue coaxing and touching hers in smoldering intensity. That overwhelming taste of sharp spice filling her mouth making her moan in satisfaction. She pushed herself against him a little harder, silently demanding more.

He cradled her body turning her demand back to his lead, his hand once again trailing down her back to the curve, brushing against the mound of her ass. His hold on her other hand was firm, his thumb brushing the pulse on her wrist, feeling the wild flutter of her hammering heart, never moving it from his upper chest. She pushed against him once more. Pulling herself impossibly closer against him, her fingers teasing the scales of his neck, eliciting a groan to escape his lips. The sound he made making heat pool deep within her stomach.

Dread started to grip her gut. This wasn't only desire from touch and he wasn't only kissing her, he was touching her in a way that she thought was long forgotten, forever dead. This was so much more then lips and tongue and heat, he was exposing and drawing out a piece inside her in a way that made her suddenly want to fall down before him in submission.

 _I'm falling for him…_

She gasped in shock and pulled away, he let her go easily, and she slowly backed away from him. A look of dismay blanketing her face.

 _No…I can't do it again. I can't give anything else, there will be nothing left._

His eyes bore into hers as he watched her slowly slide away from him. He made no move to come after her, but the look in his eyes said enough. Desire and deep emotion ghosted across his features along with something much more, something that terrified her to see on another, before he blinked it away and he stared at her stoically.

"Sarah…I know you feel it."

"We can't…" She probably looked horrified and her chest burned as she fought against her instincts to go back to him. To feel his perfect heat around her once more.

"Why not? Give me a reason and I'll let you know why you are wrong. Why we _**can.**_ " His eyes were scorching now, the intensity so raw and overwhelming. Every fiber of her wanted to reach out to him and accept him. Feel his hands on her body and let him take anything he wished.

"I can't…" She choked out taking a few more steps away, fighting the gravity his aura produced. The pull of his gaze.

 _I can't lose someone again, it would destroy me if it was you._

"You can." He said closing the distance back between them, her body frozen in place. "You need to give yourself a chance. You need to give _**me**_ a chance _._ That's all I'm asking for. One chance to show you. _"_

"Kolyat…I…"

 _We shouldn't…you don't deserve someone like me._

Tears welled in her eyes making Kolyat gasp who quickly closed the distance back between them and took her caringly in his arms. Cradling her face against his chest hiding her eyes in the folds of his jacket from prying eyes. She could feel him shifting to look around noticing his eyes scanning to see if anyone was watching them.

 _Why? Why did he want her?_

She needed to get away from him, she needed to clear her mind and think about this logically. Every time she was with him, she couldn't control herself and that alone was dangerous for her. He held her firmly until her shaking subsided, her gaze moving back up to his. He used his thumbs to brush away the evidence of her tears, such care in his eyes as he cupped her face in his palms and kissed her chastely once more. She didn't fight him as he breathed against her mouth and smiled with the gentlest of caresses against her lips. His fingertips lingering in her hair before he reached down and took her hand in his.

"Let me take you home." He said softly, leading her from the darkened dance area towards the skycabs. She didn't know what to say and stayed silent as they moved through the crowd until they were able to call a car. When he noticed her stumbling, he aided her into the car and quietly helped her remove her shoes. His fingers lingering over her feet as he guided the heels from her sore ankles and held them by the straps with one hand, his other brushing against hers to hold it between them lightly on the leather seat of the cab.

She liked the feel of his scales, and uncertainty held her frozen in place unwilling to pull her hand from his. When they reached her building he opened her door and trailed behind her quietly, both of them waving to Jerrod as they entered the lobby. She could see the confused look on his face as he glanced at Kolyat, his gaze going to the shoes in his hand. A mirror image of the first night he saw Kolyat with her.

Maybe this time she wouldn't slap him.

She avoided his gaze in the elevator up. Remaining silent as different thoughts raced within her mind. She had trouble breathing and her stomach churned in dread the more she avoided looking back at Kolyat. What should she do? What should she say? Her head was spinning with a hurricane of emotions for the man who stood before her. She needed a moment to sort everything out. Was she the only one feeling this way?

She fisted her hands at her sides doing her best to prevent herself from reaching out to him when he walked her to her door. She wanted to touch him again, she wanted to feel his hands on her body. She wanted to feel his mouth, just one more touch…just one more taste…

 _Not good...this is so, not good._

"Kolyat..." She tried to start, her heart hammering against her throat like a stampede. She felt his hands at her neck and suddenly she felt the whole universe freeze in this moment.

His fingers were gentle as they skimmed her throat, his forefinger guiding itself slowly down the curve to glide around her jaw, moving her chin up until her eyes meet his. Shepard swallowed roughly feeling the heat flood her face as she gazed up at him. Cerulean stones shining through the darkness, quiet patience and understanding. He smiled softly and she licked her lips, swallowing roughly, expecting for him to kiss her again. God how she wanted him to.

 _What is he doing to me?_

He handed her back her shoes, his other hand running down her opposite arm until his fingers curled around her palm guiding it up between them.

She blinked at him slowly, her voice dying in her chest when his lips brushed over the top of her fingers to press against the top of her hand. His kiss lingered even as he pulled away releasing her hand slowly. Taking a step back he stared at her expectantly.

"I had a really good time…I hope you did too. When can I see you again?"

 _Never! Don't answer him! Don't you dare fucking answer him!_

"Tomorrow?" She whispered as if in a trance, her voice answering with its own accord. Kolyat's presence drowning out everything else in existence. He smiled radiantly, eyes brightening in happiness.

 _Traitorous body!_

"I have a double tomorrow. How about the day after?" She nodded dumbly unable to turn him down, feeling powerless. She hated and enjoyed it all at the same time.

"I have to check my schedule. I'll message you?" Kolyat nodded and bowed deeply before his eyes met hers one last time. The dark promise of the devil hidden within blue oceans.

"Good night Sarah." He murmured before slowly turning and making his way down the hall towards the elevator.

Her name on his lips made her heart race impossibly faster. The intimacy of how her name sounded with that erotic rumble sending goosebumps puckering over her flesh. She fought every urge to call him back. To hear his voice wash over her, to allow his touch once more to linger between them.

He turned around as he entered the elevator, a sensual grin spreading over his lips just as their eyes met one last time before the doors closed.

Would her name on his lips always sound that good?

 _Can my heart take another Krios?_


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

She had tossed and turned all night. Too many faces lost in the smoke. Too many voices unrecognizable. Too many screams vibrating through her mind. The undiscernible calls for help, the blood and overwhelming smell of sulfur. Kaiden's voice…

' _Would you have chosen differently?'_

Shepard awoke with a gasp, pulling herself up to a sitting position, gulping in as much air as she could, sputtering and coughing trying to regain herself. She could almost taste the ashes on her tongue. Smelt the burning metal as her mind tried to make sense of the quiet emptiness of her room, and the violent turmoil she had just experienced in her dreams.

She dropped her face into her hands, rubbing her cheeks to wipe the last lingering traces of sleep from her cobwebbed mind, flashes of death and decaying bodies. Seaweed wrappings weighted with stones sliding into black waters. Sighing heavily she pushed her blankets from her legs, untangling herself from the cool silk sheets and the warmth of her down comforter. The heavy soft material still doing nothing against the coldness inside of her, the frozen emptiness.

She made her way to the bathroom, stripping as she went, turning the water until she knew the heat would leave her skin red and burning. The scalding temperature still not reaching that void inside her that she desperately needed to fill. She tried to push the turmoil away, not ready to deal with the realization of how much worse she was getting, and if she would ever feel like herself again.

" _You need to give yourself a chance. You need to give me a chance. That's all I'm asking for. One chance to show you."_

Turning off the water her hand lingered on the tile's as her mind drifted to the night before. Kolyat's heated gaze and compassionate words. The deep blue of his eyes. Sighing heavily she went to the sink to brush her teeth, doing her best to erase the taste of his tongue, the spicy aroma from her mind, the feel of his scales, how it heated her body like an inferno. She hesitated and touched her chest, the dull ache hard to ignore. The way her body reacted and her mind eased in his presence, unable to be discarded. He was starting to reach something inside her…and that terrified her more than the emptiness.

Leaving the bathroom, she sent a quick message to Narissa to cancel her appointments for the rest of the day. If it wasn't life or death, then she didn't want to be bothered. Depending on the information, it could wait another day. Dressing slowly she lingered as she made her way through the apartment, making coffee, doing her best to avoid looking across to the far wall where Thane's bust stood. Taking her mug she walked through the apartment into the open living room and sat upon the couch, tucking her feet beneath her. Waiting only a moment before placing a call and connecting it through her omnitool to the tv monitor on the wall. After two rings the call connected.

"Shepard. I was wondering when you would contact me."

"Sorry. I've been getting a little sidetracked." She admitted quietly, doing her best to force her mind off the blue Drell who seemed to be taking over her thoughts and life little by little. Taking a sip of her coffee she let the exquisite taste run through her, sighing into the cup in momentary bliss as the after waves of exhale left her pores in invisible ripples of enjoyment. Slowly opening her eyes she looked back up at Anderson upon the screen who stared at her with a small smile.

"Should I call you back and give you a minute alone?"

"I think I almost had a love affair with this cup just now. My moment is over though." She grinned taking another sip, adjusting herself more comfortably upon the couch.

"You always loved your coffee."

"Well a girl has to prepare herself with some kind of comfort when she is about to deal with tall, dark and handsome she can't have."

"Much too old for you child." Anderson chuckled easing back into his chair more comfortably. She grinned and flashed her teeth, touching her omnitool and then pointing up in the air in a circular motion to indicate she wanted his scrambler waves on. She kept talking knowing it would be a moment before the waves detected and destroyed any lingering bugs, and she knew his office was always bugged.

"Well you can't blame a girl for trying. I always had a thing for older men. Maybe it's the daddy fantasy. Maybe I just like men with experience. Or maybe it's because I deserve a good spanking every now and again."

Anderson simply shook his head at her words already used to her antics. Nothing that came out of her mouth shocked him much anymore. She knew one day she would catch him off guard. She just had to keep trying. After another quick moment he took his gaze off his omnitool and nodded.

"All clear. I was going to call you later. I'm glad you called first."

"Is everything ok? Do you need anything?" She asked seriously now. Her voice and demeanor becoming calm and ready for anything. The gravity in his eyes alerting her to weighted familiarity. Something was going on, something she probably wasn't going to like.

"I obtained information on the batarian that attacked you."

"Captain Bailey informed me he was part of a terrorist organization."

"It's deeper than that Shepard. I am speaking to you in confidentiality. I am not without my sources and they do not rely on the same limited access C-Sec is able to obtain."

"Of course. What do you have for me?" She nodded gravely, already knowing military or Citadel intelligence would take over once the Bahak system was mentioned in the batarians attack.

"Fahtak Sivik is part of a military unit with the sole purpose of maintaining batarian supremacy."

"Are they special ops?"

"Camouflaged as thugs, pirates and slavers."

"Of course." She sucked her teeth already figuring out where this conversation was headed.

"They blame the Alliance and all those associated with it for the destruction of the Alpha Relay. They blame the Citadel for harboring fugitives. They have just been itching for an excuse to go to war with humanity."

"It has been discovered that a rogue vessel disguised as a Cerberus ship was the true culprit of the destruction. The alliance had nothing to do with it." She said mechanically glancing down into the light brown liquid. One of her fingers swirling over the rim. "If the batarians try to blame the Alliance they will wage war with the other races too."

"They know this. To make a statement, you were targeted."

"So you mean to tell me they are openly declaring war?" She found that hard to believe that an entire race would be willing to lose everything in a single heated moment.

"Not entirely. There have been multiple statements from batarian leaders that this act of aggression will cause civil unrest. Not all batarians willingly want to go to war. Many just want to live peaceful lives."

"So flush them out. Get the batarian leaders to help eliminate this extremist group to keep peace between us. Better yet, let the Council allow me to take care of it. Since they wanted to target me so badly."

Anderson leaned back in his chair heavily his hardened eyes staring at her deeply. Decades of witnessing the best and worst life had to offer. She wondered if her eyes reflected the horrors of the galaxy when people looked at her. She had a feeling he wasn't telling her everything yet.

"That is easier said than done. For now we have to wait for them to make the next move." Shepard narrowed her eyes immediately realizing what he meant.

"You mean wait for them to come after me again."

"I don't like it either Shepard."

"So you just want me to remain a poster child for the Alliance? Waiting for them to come to me instead of going in and taking them out? This beauty pageant waving, and baby kissing is bullshit! We both know what needs to be done. I can easily get a team-"

"We cannot alert them to the knowledge that we are on to them. No doubt they have contacts working within the Citadel, sleeper agents. We need for them to make the first move."

"They already did that when they openly shot at me during a press conference."

"The last I witnessed you were well guarded." Anderson clipped making her scoff in budding anger as he made her think of the one turquois male she was trying her best to keep out of her thoughts. "We need to keep this quiet."

"I can do stealth." She said haughtily taking a deep gulp of her coffee watching as Anderson's lips thinned out not at all convinced by her bold statement.

"What? I can totally do stealth!"

"Shepard, I have no doubt-"

"Yes you do."

"That your _**team**_ could get the job done-"

"Yeah, yeah."

"However, this is a delicate matter and we do not want to draw any attention to them knowing we are watching. I have Udina working-

"Fuck Udina. That little ass kissing weasel was one of the people who put the hit out on me in the first place." Shepard hissed out her displeasure that Anderson was even trusting Udina to help with neutralizing the terrorist threat that was starting to gain a foothold upon the Citadel. She watched him blink slowly, folding his hands upon the desk before him, no look of surprise or shock at her revelation.

 _He already knew._

"He knows you know. He may be a snake Shepard, but he knows exactly which mice to bait. It's not easy to convince a federation when they think they have been betrayed by one of their best."

"The Alliance didn't give me much of a choice. I didn't like it either but Cerberus was the only one-"

"You don't think I know that? They brought you back when the Alliance was ready to bury you but these things take time. I am working to convince the Council. You have to trust me. You have to be patient."

Anderson's dark face grew even darker as his stern voice tried to convince her, taking on the air of command. It was always a waiting game with the Council, always talks and planning that got them nowhere. That's why people like her were trained and created. Those to get their hands dirty and make the decisions no one else wanted to make. The ones to sweep under the rug when the consequences cost more than they bargained for. Wasted time…always wasted time.

"I trust you…I just don't think we have much time left." Shepard spoke quietly, running her finger back over the rim of the cup, knowing her hands were tied without Anderson's support, or her Specter status.

"For all of our sakes…I hope you're wrong." He said gravely leaning back against his desk, clasping his hands together, resting his arms upon the solid dark wood.

"I hope I'm wrong too."

' _Prepare yourselves for the Arrival.'_

She blinked several times as Harbinger's words came into her mind. No warning, just a promise. The Alliance was still sitting on what to do with her. The Council was dragging it out. If they did nothing…what did she have left? She was a soldier, her whole life had been dedicated to the cause of swift justice, of getting the job done. Now, they just wanted her to be a sitting duck for them.

 _Fuck them…It's over._

"If you can't convince the Council…" She started to say, her words faltering as she looked over the rim of the couch when she suddenly smelled a subtle waft of the ocean, confused by where it could be coming from. A slight trace, as if it wasn't even there.

"If the reapers come back. They _**will**_ come to their senses."

"And if the Reapers don't?" She turned her attention back to the screen his silence already speaking louder than anything else he could possible say to her. Anderson's lips thinned out again. A mannerism he did when he was taking orders and not happy with the results. He would follow through, a soldier just like her.

"You should take this time for yourself Shepard. I hear your office is always busy. Maybe some real R&R is overdue. Retirement doesn't sound so bad. Or I might have a couple of things I might need some help with."

 _Pity work..._

She refused to be a victim of sympathy.

"Has the Council sworn in Kaiden?" She spoke up, sitting up straight, her Commander mask falling perfectly into place. Anderson's eyes and stance quickly mirroring hers.

"Major Alenko is progressing nicely. He will be a full Specter within a few months."

"Good...that's good." And she really did mean that. If the Council didn't want her, or if she was no longer here...she trusted Kaiden to take care of what needed to be done. Despite the falling out of their personal relationship, she knew he was an excellent soldier and would do what was needed. He had a strong head and he would follow through.

"I have to go. I have a lot of work to do today." She lied but made sure her face showed nothing. Anderson nodded in understanding.

"I mean it Shepard. Take some time to yourself. We will always be in debt to you. The Citadel, the Council, Earth and the Alliance. They all owe you a great debt."

"But suddenly no one wants to pay the tab when you come to collect the bill." She snickered smiling without warmth as she cut the connection.

She sat there for a while, her mind drifting to everything and nothing in particular. She thought about her early career, her N7 training. She thought about her parents and how proud they were of her, how proud they _**still**_ were of her. She thought about Nathan, Kaiden and Thane. She closed her eyes and tried to remember what his smell and taste were like. The aroma's starting to fade over time, pain swelling her chest when Kolyat's touch came to her instead. She sighed in aggravation, running a hand over her face and through her hair, pushing herself up from the couch and back towards the kitchen to refill her cup.

She glanced down at her omnitool wondering if maybe he sent her a message and snickered again in anger when her heart sped up in anticipation of the thought. Instead she hit the program that Feron had sent her right before he left. The hundreds of messages from family and crew held from her while she was incarcerated. Deciding now was as good a time as any, she clicked on the first one. Garrus's face came upon the screen, worry blanketing his features, mandibles fluttering in distress. She glanced at the date, two days after she was confined.

She watched each message intently. Garrus telling her things about the happenings of her ship and crew. The press didn't know that she was being detained and he updated her through his messages of what he was doing and where he was going. She was shocked he had decided to go back to his father for help but he knew what kind of threat the reapers posed. His last message right before she was released had notified her that he had arrived on Palaven. They had spoken several times after and she knew he was still there now.

Slowly through his messages she had made her way back to the couch placing her cup upon the side table, grabbing the comforter from her bed to tuck herself in as she continued watching the letters. She laughed from Joker's antics and interesting commentary from his perspective of things. She snickered and covered her mouth in delight from Jack's vibrant use of the English language, loving as time passed in the videos and she was able to see her blond hair growing in.

She smiled gently from Jacob's concern and grinned through Mordin's quick straight to the point videos. Tali and Kasumi trying to send her ways to hack the system and break free. No wonder the correspondences were confiscated. She kept watching, glued to her seat as her parents and siblings told her that they missed her and to come home soon. Her father had received word that she was being detained and in his videos even said that he knew these would probably never reach her, but he wanted her to know how proud he was of her still.

It was almost to the night cycle before Thane's name came up next on her list. She hesitated and took a deep breath to calm her jagged breathing, her heartbeat climbing in her throat before clicking the first message. His solemn face coming on the screen, the color of his scales shining vibrantly right before he took a turn for the worse. His deep gravelly voice making her bite her lip, fighting the quiver in her jaw as she listened.

He relived memories for her, told her how much he missed her. He spoke about his treatments and tiptoed around the fact that he was getting worse. She laughed sadly when he entered memories of times they spent together, even boldly sharing a night when she had worn a tiny negligée for him and refused to let him touch her as they sat down for a private dinner in her cabin. She had told him to remain on his knees afterwards and follow her demands. He had been more than willing to worship her with lips and tongue that night.

Slow tears fell down her face as he began coughing as the videos moved forward in time. His messages growing more frantic when he realized he wasn't able to reach her. Time with Kolyat taking up his focus and memories of their awkward meetings as they tried to open up to one another. Her hand hovered over the last message. Her heart already breaking from how much she missed him.

 _It's the last one…just do it…_

Pulling the blanket around herself tighter she laid back against the couch snuggling against it deeper. The message was dated a week before she was released, a few days before he had to fully remain at Huerta Memorial. Clicking the message she waited patiently as he blinked his inner eye lids several times, that solemn expression already alerting her that the message might be bad news. He looked up at the screen, his prefect plump lips thinning out in controlled anger and frustration, noticing how pale his scales started to appear.

" _Siha, I have prepared emails, sent videos, even composed paper letters. I know this might not reach you, but it has to be said._

 _You need to know what you mean to me. What I feel…_

 _We met when I had accepted my fate. Nothing remained but a shell ready to die. I only needed to choose the when and how of my passing. The expectations to move swiftly to my end vanished upon meeting you. You awoke me, and my heart quickened its sluggish beat, if only to remain at your side and protect you with everything that I am._

 _You have only made my life better. You believed in me._

 _My Irikah…she was a gentle breeze, her love was innocence and tender learning. She showed me beauty outside death. She made me question choices, showed me the possibilities of a different life._

 _I tried…and I failed her…I failed my son…_

 _But you Siha…you came into my life like a tidal wave, destroying and breaking down everything in your path. You came at the moment I prepared to end it all, ripping down my resolve and consuming me in your convictions. I found myself…more than willing to drown in the currents you created._

 _You have changed so much in me._

 _I once had no reason to live, to suddenly having two. You gave me yourself, you gave me back Kolyat. A second chance, a new beginning…right at the end…_

 _I love you. If all else whispers back into the tide, know this for fact. By grace given me by the Goddess Arashu, I bid her divine protection to you, my warrior-angel, my Siha, to succeed in your destiny. To light your path through the coming darkness. To give you hope, when all seems lost._

 _I know it will be hard for you, but I know you will see it through, even if I am not there. One day I hope you find a storm again…Watch for the dark clouds, listen for the thunder, you might not even notice it forming on the horizon._

 _When you see the lightning, the rising tide, allow yourself to be lost in the currents as I was. Do not fight the waves…give them my thanks. I look forward to meeting the one who awakens you from your battle sleep...as you have for me...but let them know, because I assure you Siha...I_ _ **will**_ _be waiting for you across the sea._

 _Goodbye Sarah...Until we meet again."_

Shepard couldn't speak, she had no words as her body shook on the verge of misery. Blinking rapidly, the tears streamed down her cheeks in hot trails of hopelessness and regret. God how she missed him. How she wished for just one more moment of his touch...his smell...his presence washing over her. The heat of his body. To just hear his voice. Just one more time…God, just one more time…

' _I am here with you.'_

She gasped when her mind drifted to Kolyat and his words at the Unveiling, her gulps and sobs coming harder in guilt. What she was starting to feel for him. How much Thane would disapprove. Why did it have to be his son? The only god damn person she honestly began feeling something with to chase away the coldness, was the one with the closest bond to the one she loved before.

She felt so ashamed. Why did he want her? Why was he pushing her? She was so tired of the pain. So tired of everything she lost, was forced to give up. Her soul screamed for reprieve. When would it finally be over? When would it end? Shepard placed her head in the palm of her hands and succumbed to the sorrow, letting her tears flood free until emptiness gripped her heart, and darkness took her mind.

* * *

It had been a long time since she had last been to Earth. The clean crisp smell of the air, the colors surrounding her. She could never forget what the smell of the ocean was like. Closing her eyes she took the scents into her. The salty thickness of the air filling her lungs with childhood reminiscence. The sun on her face, warm and inviting. She walked down the lightly pebbled road slowly, clasping her hands behind her back, enjoying the subtle scents of dirt and earth, the different hues of orange, reds and yellows as the leaves began to turn just about getting ready for the fall. She had almost forgotten the beauty of it. The sunshine slightly creeping through the upper foliage, illuminating the leaves into a fire of enchanting color.

 _Kolyat should see this…_

The thought left her as soon as it came while she approached the playground upon the outskirts of her family's home. She could hear the children laughing, the joy and delightful squeals of happiness and games. She had spent many days here as a child. Playing for hours with her friends, having ice cream and sweets down by the shore right over the hill. She had played here with her brothers, annoyed her older sister about never wanting to leave. How she had wanted to play here with Becky but never having the opportunity.

Shepard stopped, closed her eyes and took a deep breath, remembering summer barbeques and family outings. Bonfires and picnics along the shore…her first kiss on the beach, the smell of surf as they stumbled through the mechanics. Squeals of joy and happiness pulling her back from the brink of nostalgia. Forcing her curiosity to seek out the source of delight.

She turned down a path and pushed through a trail of thick bushes. Her hands moving leaves and twigs from her way while she followed an overgrown lane once cleared for passage. When had it become so overrun and unkempt? This was not safe for the children to pass through. She would have to make sure to let her parents know so it could be taken care of as soon as possible.

When she finally broke free from the sharp snarls and tearing vines the clearing was exactly as she remembered it. Had nothing changed since the last time she had been here? The large grassy patches and towering cherry blossom trees slightly swaying in the wind. The pink petals just beginning to fall, creating a sporadic rainfall of beauty and subtle color. Her gaze turned towards the two children laughing loudly, jumping and chasing each other with toy spaceships. Parents sat on benches in the distance watching over other children further away. The familiar flash of words upon the large toys made her smile softly. Approaching the boy who came towards her, she knelt down and beamed up at him.

"What do you have there?" She asked, his hands still weaving in the air making laser noises as he glided the ship back and forth. The boy smiled down at her in excitement showing her his toy.

"Isn't it great? It's the newest model!"

"That ship looks familiar." She grinned, while he flipped it over on its side to show to her the markings. The black and silver design unmistakable, etched like a fingerprint forever in her thoughts.

"The SR-1! It's your ship Commander Shepard. One day I hope I can be just like you. I want to help people and be a hero. I want to save people like you have."

She smiled in pride as the boy waved his hand again, guiding the ship to dip and turn, shooting through the air quickly. His wide toothy smile warming her heart.

 _This is the reason I fight…_

"I'm sure you will one day. The Alliance would be proud to have you."

"Really?" He beamed in excitement keeping his eyes on her as she rose to her feet.

"I'm sure you would be a great pilot one day."

"Can I be a pilot too?" The small girl said a few feet away, thick red curls sparkling in the sunlight. Her attention turned towards the child as the boy jogged away lifting his model ship up to soar through the air once again.

"You can be anything you want."

"Can I join the N7's?"

"It's tough. Do you think you have what it takes?" Shepard grinned, pausing slightly when she witnessed the smile fall from the girl's lips, her eyes darkening somberly.

"Would you have chosen differently?"

Shepard blinked slowly, eyes narrowing in confusion as dread gripped her chest. Why did she ask that? Her attention was frozen in place unable to tear her gaze away. The child's eyes growing black and bottomless while she took a step towards her, the pull of them almost painful as she was frozen in place. The inner tugging laying bare the empty vessel of her soul. What the hell is going on?

"Are you finally ready to end it?"

Her breath caught in her throat from the child's words, her steps faltering as shadows creeped over the ground beside her, bringing her attention up towards the sky. She felt her blood turn cold as screams started to erupt around her, parents scooping up their children to run. Dozens of reaper ships descending from the atmosphere.

 _Oh God…they're here._

Shepard covered her ears from the deafening blasts of the horns, turning quickly to shout at the boy to run for cover. Her yell's dying in her throat in a gasp of horror as the boy turned to look at her, the model ship falling from his hands to shatter upon the ground.

Glowing pale eyes peered back as the child fully turned to her, sickly grey skin and blue electrical currents running over the cybernetic materials that covered his skin. Black ooze dripped from its gaping eye sockets as he snarled and lunged right at her. The teeth gnashing and spitting obsidian bile as a howl escaped its split glowing lips. She reached for the pistol in her holster, shooting off three rounds quickly hitting it twice in the chest and once in the head. The jolt of impact pushing the body to fall upon its back. The lights dimming as it slammed against the floor, indicating its death.

Shepard turned quickly as the little girl screeched in alarm, grabbing the tiny child around her waist she sprinted down the trail towards her family's home, ignoring the pressure in her lungs as they burned from her recent lack of training. Her only concern was getting the child to safety, saving as many lives as possible.

She bolted down her family's driveway, kicking up dirt and pebbles as she made her way up the long winding path hearing screams and gunfire approaching. Death and destruction permeating the air as the house came into focus around the bend. She picked up speed, knowing she had to get to the weapon bunker below the house. She clutched the girl tighter, the small arms tightening around her neck in terror. She had to save her.

Jogging up the stone steps and over the porch she adjusted her hold on the girl and gripped the old fashion door frame. Struggling against the old colonial knob frantically until the brass finally clicked and forced the door to open. Sprinting inside her steps faltered as strong winds hit her face whipping through her hair, confusion blanketing her mind. Nothing but open sky filled with ships preparing for battle.

She looked down at her hands, the girl completely gone but she continued to walk forward, her heavy boots echoing upon the landing. Black and grey smoke rising in the distance around them. Laser beams hitting buildings making them crumble and shatter in deadly debris.

Earth was starting to fall.

She saw Anderson at the edge of the landing pad and hope flooded her chest as she yelled his name and raced towards him at full speed. If he was here then they had a plan. They could see this through. It was time to fight.

"Anderson! We need to go! Where's the Normandy?"

"This is all your fault Shepard." Anderson spoke threateningly his dark face contorted in disgust as he turned around to face her, stopping her in her tracks a few feet still from him.

"What?" She asked in alarm, shaking her head in denial as anger gripped her chest. "How is this my fault?"

"They are here because of you."

"I told you this would happen!" She yelled in outrage. "I told you billions of innocents would die! It was your job to convince the council. I trusted you!"

"And I trusted you, but instead you betrayed us all!"

"Betray? How did I betray you?"

"You could have stopped the reapers. Cerberus had the technology. You handed over that Collector Base on a silver platter, they are here because of your poor judgement."

"What the fuck?" Shepard blinked in dismay. Anderson had never expressed his resentment at her decision before. If anything she thought he was begrudgingly pleased that Cerberus had brought her back, although disappointed, since it had been an elitist Human terrorist group to do so and not the Alliance. He had never outright hated what she had done though.

"You're through Shepard. You've out lived your usefulness. You're no longer needed."

 _What?_

"No…We can still fight. You can't give up hope. We have to fight!"

"You're right we will fight…but you won't be here to see it happen. You might as well be dead Shepard. There is no more need of you." She blinked slowly and narrowed her gaze holding her ground as Anderson lifted up his pistol, loading the chamber to take aim.

"You've got to be kidding me! Are you really about to shoot me? After everything we've been through?"

"Would you rather do it yourself? Like you always think of doing?" She gasped from his words, eyes widening in surprise watching as his dark eyes hardened. Without hesitation, he pulled the trigger.

The pain that erupted was paralyzing. The bullet tearing right through her upper chest. Fire spread through her torso and shoulder as her knees buckled below her, no longer able to hold her weight. She crashed to her knees unable to find the strength to keep breathing as the edges of her vision turned dark just as her back hit the pavement.

 _Siha._

She choked on her blood, feeling it run from her mouth. The burning in her chest from the lack of air excruciating as she wheezed, fighting to take in tiny shallow gasps of breath. A soft coolness upon her face pulling her attention away. A smooth hand on her forehead tempting her as Thane's face slowly came into focus above her. Tears welled in her eyes as she struggled to say his name only resulting in coughs and sputters as blood gurgled from her windpipe. Suddenly the world stood still and all sound was lost except for the perfect rumble of his voice.

"Hush now Siha, be still. It will not be long now."

 _Thane…_

"The bullet tore through your lung, you are not able to draw breath. Your blood is blocking your airway. Can you hear the oceans?"

She tried to swallow but her throat was closing, her vision darkening further. She tried to focus on the distant sounds, forcing herself to concentrate past the pain. The sound of rolling waves rapidly gaining her attention; a dull roar in the distance. She turned her gaze back towards the beautiful male above her, his emerald eyes softening as he grazed her cheek once more. A haunted smile on his lips.

Yes, _I hear them._

"When the time comes, you swim Siha. I am waiting for you upon the shore." He stood up and started to walk away, her eyes struggling as she tried to follow him.

 _No…Don't leave. I don't want to be alone anymore._

"Sarah?"

 _Kolyat?_

Shepard blinked rapidly, doing her best to fight off the edges of unconsciousness. The will to live flooding her resolve with the sound of his voice and then hopelessness as she coughed and choked more blood. She struggled to turn her head, Kolyat standing just a few feet away from her now, her fingertips twitching with the urge to reach for him, to feel his skin beneath her palm.

His blue irises were bright and clear within the darkness of his eyes. The beauty of his scales shimmering as he took a step towards her, face filled with despair. She felt the tears coat her cheeks, the pain in his eyes tearing a deeper wound within her.

 _I'm sorry Kolyat. I thought perhaps we…_

"You're stronger than this." He said staring at her with unfathomable conviction. His eyes hardening with veracity. His belief in her making her feel shame from her inner realization.

 _No…It's over. There is nothing more I can do._

"You can't give up. I won't let you give up."

She wanted to tell him that she wasn't worth it. She wanted to tell him how sorry she was. She wanted to tell him…

The sound of a loading pistol brought her focus back above her. The last of her strength pulling her attention upon the face of the man who had once held all of her respect. Her friend, her mentor, her father away from home. She loved and admired him, and she had let him down.

She had let everyone down…

"Goodbye Shepard." Anderson murmured pointing the barrel at her head.

He pulled the trigger.

* * *

She awoke in raging terror, sitting up she shook violently, gasping to the point of hyperventilating anguish. Her thoughts unable to focus as she swallowed in breath after breath until she buried her face upon her hands and screamed at the top of her lungs. Releasing all the turmoil and despair within her. Wave after wave of biotic energy pouring from her skin.

She screamed in torment, she screamed in regret, she screamed at all the 'what ifs'. She screamed for everything she lost, and everything she refused to gain. She cried for the emptiness inside of her, and the hopelessness of never finding her way out.

When her screams finally subsided she fell from the couch, crawling her way through glass and debris until she stumbled and pushed up to her feet, her breaths shallow and wild as she disregarded the destruction. It didn't matter anyway. No more…she couldn't take anymore…no fucking more! This had to end.

 _Let them find someone else. Let them burn for all I care._

Her hands gripped the edges of the furthest display case, swinging open the glass door to shatter upon the wall. She stared at the silver Hikari upon the bust, her vision disappearing in blurry grey waves, dully glimpsed through trails of turmoil. Her hand slowly rising to grab the pistol with steady hands. The sound of lapping waves growing louder in her ears just as her fingers wrapped around the trigger.

' _I will be waiting for you across the sea…_


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

"You know, even though I knew you needed my help with something; when you said you wanted to go to Forbidden Fruit, I have to admit…I thought you meant a strip club." Keston stated in disappointment. Kolyat snickered, humming his vocals quietly in laughter not surprised with Keston's train of thought leading straight into the metaphorical gutter. He shook his head at the human male who sat down across from him, watching as he picked up one of the laminated menus to run his eyes over it slowly.

"I'm curious now. What could you possibly have to help me with at a strip club?" Kolyat asked in interest, Keston pausing a moment to look up at him thoughtfully.

"I don't know, wing man maybe?" He shrugged. "Besides, why _**wouldn't**_ you want my help at a strip club? I can really shake my ass too."

He grinned broadly flashing his teeth, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. Kolyat laughed throatily, sitting back in his chair with ease, waiting as Keston took a minute to figure out what he wanted to order. Placing the menu back on the table his gaze roamed around the café, alert and attentive, assessing the area just as he did the first time he came here. Exit's; dark areas; blind spots; basic know how's when you actually paid attention at C-Sec training. Kolyat knew he had misjudged Keston when first meeting him. Eventually his eyes fell back towards his and his eyes darkened in genuine concern, studying him before speaking, leaning in slightly to lower his voice.

"So…I've been meaning to ask you. How is the Commander?"

"You mean her double?" He responded automatically. Keston's eyes softened and he leaned back slowly, a knowing look in his eyes as he whispered.

"I know you Kolyat, you wouldn't have reacted like that if…" He glanced away and licked his lips shifting in his seat before nodding, his eyes falling back on him. "Yeah, ok…sure. I think I just got your reasons…so how is she?"

Kolyat blinked slowly and glanced away, fighting every urge to suppress the grin that wanted to break free. The memories of the prior night held at bay with mindful willpower alone. The sweet taste of her mouth and the smells of lavender ready to spill from his lips in hushed whispers and elaborate confession. He had recalled those moments several times before sleeping, experienced the tightened anxiety in his stomach and the pounding of his heart in welcome acceptance. The second's right before his mouth claimed hers completely. The warmth of her skin and the way she tilted her face up in silent approval to continue. The want and need making her shake in desire for him. She had no idea how incredibly sexy she was in that instant. How amazing he found her when she had let herself go, melding her body against his.

 _Those soft moans…_

Kolyat cleared his throat and shuffled slightly in his chair, making sure to keep his expression as guarded as possible, hopeful that his ribbing didn't swell in arousal, and hoping even harder that Keston didn't know what it meant.

 _Did my eyes brighten?_

"She's doing well. How is the other female holding up?" Kolyat deflected quickly. Anything to take the conversation off of him and Shepard. It wasn't that he didn't trust Keston, the opposite in fact. He just didn't know exactly what was going on between them yet, or if anyone should know. Shepard was a very private person and most things known about her were always speculated or rumors. He wanted to know all the truth there was to her, all her secrets that he would keep. Keston smiled softly and looked down at the table, his fingers fiddling with the menu haphazardly.

"Briena. She's...she's doing good. She was a little shaken up, but she's ok now. She's actually a really nice person. A ballet dancer of all things."

"Ballet?"

"It's an Earth thing, dancing. More to watch then participate; considered an art form. The dances tell stories. It's for entertainment. People can pay hundreds of credits to watch a performance."

Kolyat hesitated thinking about this Earth dance, fighting the impulse to research it on his omnitool. His instinct automatically wondering if perhaps Shepard would be interested in watching a performance with him. He pondered if it was boring like her Earth golf or more exciting like her football. He wondered what kind of music she might like…what movies she would like to see.

 _Shit…I have it bad for her._

"Did you remain with her at Huerta?" Kolyat asked, forcing his attention back to his friend. Trying his best not to have the small human woman take his thoughts over completely.

"Yeah, when I was running her records it was listed that she had a fiancée as an emergency contact. He came shortly after Briena woke. He was thankful but pissed off of course. It took me awhile to talk him down. He thinks it was his fault."

"Why would he think that?" He asked peculiarly, wondering why her fiancée would blame himself. Keston grinned at him and relaxed his gaze, staring at him as if he was missing a larger piece of the puzzle.

"Come on man, it's a normal reaction when you find out someone you care about is in trouble and you weren't there to stop it. You reacted the same way with-" Kolyat growled low in warning cutting of Keston's word into a gentle laughter by the human male. He nodded in understanding before continuing.

"Briena was supposed to meet him but he got stuck at work. He told her he was running late but she wanted to wait anyway. That's when Jasper approached her. She told him to 'fuck off' but, y'know how that ended."

Kolyat frowned as his mind drifted to what happened after he had discovered Shepard barely conscious, still thankful to the Goddess that he had found her when he did. Despite their fight, he was pleased with how things had worked out that evening. When they had run into each other in the Presidium, he was overjoyed that she was comfortable enough to grab his hand and pull him towards the skycars, brushing her body against his upon the back seat as she leaned against him pointing to different things he looked up on his omnitool in horror.

Honestly, he had never had that much fun with a female before, wanting to spend time with someone just to be in their presence with no promise of sex. He liked it tremendously, just holding her hand, her arm wrapped around his as they walked. He wanted to experience it again as soon as possible. How long should he wait before sending her a message? He didn't want to seem needy or pushy, knew she needed time to go at her own pace. How soon was too soon? If he sent her a message now, would she even respond? If she didn't respond, how long should he wait before sending another? What if she changed her mind about wanting to see him again? Humans weren't like Drells, there were no tills to let him know if she was sincere or not. What if she wasn't serious, what if…

 _Fuck…Now I'm overthinking it…_

"You ok?"

"Huh?" Kolyat blinked up in alarm realizing he had zoned out and inwardly began to panic. Was it reflecting on his face? Could Keston see how distracted he was?

"Hey Kolyat!" A sweet and familiar voice cut off his answer while he regained his composure. The subtle scent of rain and oceans getting closer muffled by the sweet aromas of powdered sugar and flour. He grinned and turned towards the bright smile of his favorite staff members.

"Mind if we join you?" Emily smiled placing down a Soryu before him and a plate within the center of the table, two little white cakes upon it. Angel wings decorated the top over swirled frosting, some kind of molding he was not familiar with. She glanced at Ebony and grinned, grabbing a chair to take a seat at their small square table, waving to Keston in greeting while pushing the plate towards him invitingly.

"Here, try one. I just made them this morning. Do you want any coffee or tea?" She asked easily, her hospitality never forced. Relaxing her elbow upon the table she rested her cheek on her palm, amber eyes sparkling in allurement as she waited for his answer. Keston shifting in his seat awkwardly blinking a little too quickly. Kolyat wondered if she knew the kind of effect she had on the males of her species.

"Hey…ughh…" Keston swallowed roughly glancing between the two women, his eyes passing over Emily briefly before staying transfixed on Ebony, her own dark provocative smile spreading over softly painted pink lips. Kolyat raised an eyeridge in interest at Keston's demeanor, hiding his smirk behind a sip of his tea before he spoke.

"Ladies, this is Keston Monroe, a friend of mine from C-Sec. Keston this is Emily Mitchell and Ebony Hamilton.

"Nice to meet you! I didn't think you had any friends outside of me and Eb, Kolyat." Emily answered teasingly, sticking her tongue out and wrinkling her nose at him.

"Maybe one or two. Try not to get jealous." He deadpanned.

"What? Of course I am now! I thought I was your one and only. You just crushed my hopes and dreams." Emily said dramatically wiping away fake tears.

"He's kinda hot though, so we forgive you." Ebony added leaning her palms on the table to bend over and brush back her hair in a flirting manner, eyeing Keston appreciatively.

"Thanks?" Keston blinked again. His nervous reaction making both women chuckle.

"Ok Eb, you're going to scare him off if you come on too strong. So, Keston, do you want any coffee or tea? Do you guys want anything to eat?" Emily asked again, shifting her eyes between the two of them.

"Would you mind getting it for them? I want to talk to Kolyat for a sec if it's ok?" Emily spoke towards Ebony who nodded after she wrote down their order, turning to leave and giving them privacy. Once she was completely out of earshot she glanced between the two of them again tentatively. Kolyat placed his cup down and hummed at her soothingly. He could tell she was hesitating about speaking freely in front of Keston.

"It's ok Emily. Go ahead." He urged gently. Emily nodded and crossed her arms upon the table.

"Thanks for coming. Did you read all of the messages?" Emily finally asked quietly, her voice and demeanor taking on a somber inquisitiveness.

"Yes, I brought Officer Monroe because I trust him and believe he will be able to help."

"Aww, thanks buddy. See, we didn't even need to go to a…ugh…never mind." Keston cleared his throat and looked away nervously, tapping his fingers on the surface of the table.

"Go to a what?" Emily pressed, tilting her head at him in polite curiosity.

"No, nothing." Keston mumbled glancing at her, his cheeks slightly flushed now.

"He thought Forbidden Fruit was a strip club."

"No I didn't!" Keston tried to deny but paused when he heard Emily laugh heartily grinning at him broadly.

"It's okay, that's the point. The shop's name and logo are meant to be a dirty pun."

"Is it?" Kolyat asked in interest glancing at her thoughtfully taking another sip of his tea noticing Keston glance down at her shirt and snicker in laughter.

"Oh! I get it!" He chuckled in delight being rewarded with a broad grin from the tiny human female. Was he missing something?

"I don't get it." Kolyat admitted quietly glancing between them.

"Dude, the logo and the picture…the cherries are a ball sack."

"A what?"

"A ball…never mind, I'll explain later." He chuckled again turning his attention back to Emily completely at ease now. "You know if you want to take it up a notch you could have like…a side picture of a woman or even a guy sticking out their tongue while they brought the cherries down to their mouth." Emily snorted in delight and tapped Keston's arm in excitement.

"Thank you! I thought the same thing but I'm a little hesitant about getting too lewd with the whole concept. I was thinking about having different races, maybe a picture of a Turian or Asari holding up the cherries in different ways. Maybe on my business cards or when I redo the menu. I'm thinking about expanding again."

"Business is doing well then?" Kolyat smiled, happy for her.

"Yeah, I'm starting to have trouble keeping up with the orders. Next month I have to really crack down and start a game plan. Right now I have too many occasions and not enough staff. My calendar is booked. For some reason I thought it would make business fail but it had the opposite reaction. Now people believe that getting an appointment with us is an honor. I'm not complaining though. I'll be able to expand because of the profit and handle the cliental then. I hate having to turn down work. Hence, why I want to redo the menus and logo."

"You should totally have one with a Krogan!" Keston piped up eliciting another chuckle and nod from Emily.

Kolyat sat back in his chair and listened to the two of them exchange ideas about fruit and different races, still confused about how the two connected cherries… _oh…_ He snickered bringing his cup back to his lips hiding his realization in his drink. Ebony came back to the table in that moment, placing their food and Keston's coffee down before them. Immediately he noticed his friend grow quiet, his gaze falling on the dark skinned woman with a sense of awe, their eyes meeting momentarily before glancing away.

"Do you need more time?" She asked softly sharing a private look with the other female before falling on Kolyat.

"Are you comfortable discussing it in front of Officer Monroe?" Kolyat asked her, waiting as her dark brown eyes fell on the other male before she nodded curtly.

"I trust you Kolyat." She nodded in acceptance indicating for him to start. Placing his tea down he turned his attention on the male before him who took a sip of the coffee and waited patiently for him to speak.

"Tellios Naverik is a fast rising politician. He's starting to gain a lot of power in favors. Mostly with hidden credits and shady dealings. Of course nothing has ever been able to be pinned on him. His father is Sevonious Naverik, their money is invested in large amounts of ezo mining and they have become very wealthy because of it."

"I've heard of Naverik Industries." Keston nodded listening to Kolyat intently.

"He's a regular client." Emily spoke up getting Keston's attention. "I used to send deliveries to his agency all the time but my girls started complaining."

"What kind of complaints?"

"The usual kind. I mean we're used to the dirty comments, a lot of my girls have a great sense of humor, usually we don't even think anything of them. I mean you already figured out the store has a sexual underlined theme. However, when it started becoming physical…I started getting alarmed."

"Did you report it to C-Sec?" Keston frowned deeply his eyes shifting between the two women. He could see the controlled resentment welling in his eyes. That was one thing he knew about Keston. He might have kept up with Kolyat sometimes in sexual conquests but he had never stepped out of line or disrespected a woman in anyway.

"We tried to." Ebony spoke up. "It was dismissed as 'unfounded', suddenly everyone who was in the room saw nothing, and Tellios did everything off camera. Most of the time we just get buzzed into his office. He forbid reception to pay for his order."

"And you can't block his order because of a discrimination suit I'm guessing."

"Exactly." Emily answered. "I tried billing his establishment instead and leaving the orders at reception but that caused trouble too. He put in a formal complaint to the business bureau and tried to say I was singling out his company on racist grounds and xenophobia. I even tried to send my male workers but then he started showing up here."

"He came here with witnesses?" Keston asked in surprise his eyebrows raising in astonishment. Kolyat had a similar reaction when he had first heard that too. Only someone who didn't have enough sense would make things public.

"That's the thing. He's smart about it. He does just enough, low enough, says enough, for it to pass without notice, but now…" Emily looked at Ebony and frowned sadly, worry blanketing her molten eyes into amber pools of unease. Ebony shifted on her feet uncomfortably, genuine fear blanketing her face before she pushed it away.

"He's obsessed with me…I think he followed me home the other day. I can't prove anything though. No witnesses, but I _**know**_ it was him." Ebony sighed crossing her arms cradling her elbows as if she was cold. Kolyat could see the anger in Keston's eyes as he glanced at Ebony and then between the two of them, his jaw tightening.

"Ms. Hamilton, would you mind if we sat down privately and I took your statement?" Keston said seriously, his tone and mannerisms making Ebony blink in surprise before nodding and looking around the almost vacant café. Kolyat shared a look with the other male and nodded knowing that Keston would take care of this without question. Once he rose he motioned for Ebony to lead the way and they moved to a table on the opposite side of the café away from everyone else. Kolyat glanced at Emily then, a soft smile lighting up her face warmly.

"I really appreciate this Kolyat. I knew you would find a way to help her."

"Of course. I brought Monroe because we are starting to become close. I knew he would have my back if I brought him. I trust him and unfortunately I'm not going to be able to do much right now. I'm in between agencies so my access is cut off. I'm only allowed to do patrols until my tests are analyzed. Monroe is a full Officer now, he will be able to help."

"What do you mean cut off? Are you in trouble? Is there something I can do to help **you?"** Emily asked in agitation her eyes widening in genuine care for him. He shook his head and smiled gently, touched by her concern for him.

"I assure you, it is nothing like that. I applied for detective, my application, tests and paper work are still being analyzed. During this time my access is cut off in case of transition."

"That's a good thing then! I hope you get it. You're going to be an amazing detective Kolyat and still, you've done more than anyone right now." Kolyat looked down and blinked slowly. Another person that believed in him, another person who cared. He never thought he would ever find individuals like this in his entire life.

"I never thought I would be able to say this for anyone, let alone several but, we're friends. If you need me…just ask."

"That goes for you too." Emily replied gently as they shared a quiet moment of understanding.

"So, what's the occasion?" Kolyat motioned towards the two small cupcakes, grabbing his fork to cut a small piece from one and try it. He placed it in his mouth hesitantly and blinked in shock, the light and fluffy texture melting like subtle air upon his tongue.

"Amber Ambrosia released a new music video. The staff talked me into making cupcakes to correspond with the angel outfit she wore. So I made an angel food cake with lightly sweetened buttercream icing. It's not sweet, so I figured you would like it."

"It's…pretty good actually." He smiled taking another forkful. He had heard of the name but wasn't too familiar with the person.

"Is she a popular actress?" His questioned, Emily suddenly blinking at him in unabashed astonishment.

"You don't know who she is?"

"Should I?" He shrugged indifferently taking another piece from the miniature treat planning on stealing Keston's too.

"She used to be a Fornax model. Now she sings and does music videos with the occasional movie appearance."

She pulled open her omnitool and turned it towards him revealing a picture of a woman that he recalled seeing before. The picture was taken not too long ago, less than a year. He remembered glanced at it in one of the Fornax magazines he bought. At that time however he wasn't interested in humans and had just passed over it.

The woman was petite, large breasts and a slender waist with lightly tanned skin. Her tight dark golden curls were thick and extremely long, almost touching her waist. She had the brightest golden eyes he had ever witnessed on a human and perfect long legs. In this particular shot she wore a tight black corset and a leather mask that covered most of her face, giving way to black feathers on the sides mixing into her hair and outfit. Blood red lips and a sensual smile meant to entice. Looking at the picture now, when he was starting to know more about humans, made him wonder how amazing Shepard would look in an outfit like that. Instead he turned his gaze back on Emily as not to reveal his thoughts.

"Does she always wear a mask?"

"Yeah, I don't think anyone knows who she is." Emily murmured thoughtfully scrolling through a few more pictures before closing her omnitool and glancing at him.

"Then that would be part of her allure then and why she is popular. It could be because most are attracted to the unknown."

"I don't know about that." She shook her head skeptically, frowning deeply. "I think I would like to know who the person is. If I don't even know their face, I think that would make me uncomfortable."

"It's because of the fantasy then." Kolyat murmured trying to gather his thoughts.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you said no one knows who she is, right? Think about it…she could be anyone. Your best friend, your coworker, a neighbor…someone you secretly want. You don't know…so it's easy to image that she's the woman sitting right in front of you." Emily blinked slowly and stared at him for a long moment. He smirked and took another deep sip of his tea before returning it back to the saucer. She grinned, leaning her elbow on the table, cupping her chin in her palm.

"Are you trying to insinuate something?" She teased, wrinkling her nose at him playfully.

"Perhaps…I've actually been wondering something about you for a while now."

"Oh yeah? And what exactly is that?"

"Are you seeing anyone right now?" Kolyat asked seriously, listening as she hummed thoughtfully, hesitating for a moment before batting her eyelashes at him.

"Why? Would you like to apply for the position?" Her voice lowered as she leaned even closer to him, resting her palms upon the table now. He watched in interest as her eyes darkened provocatively, nibbling on her bottom lip as if to entice. He already knew it was an act, their relationship was never like that.

"I don't think you would be able to handle me." He grinned dismissing her elaborate flirting, repeating their previous conversation, now reversed.

"That's what I let you believe" She quipped, brushing her golden brown waves off her shoulder to give him another smoldering look. She chuckled quietly, relaxing herself back against the chair. Crossing one leg over the other she stared at him for a long moment before speaking again, gaze becoming serious.

"What happened to that girl?" Her voice dropped low for privacy. "You were trying to tell her when I last saw you, right? How you felt. Did…anything change since then?" Kolyat licked his lips and looked away from her intense stare. Collecting his thoughts he started on the second cupcake, taking a bite deciding on what to admit.

"You told me to be patient…I didn't listen. I pushed her when she wasn't ready but…I think it's starting to work out. I think she's going to give me a chance."

"Good. That's really good. I hope she does. I've never really seen you serious about anyone before."

"I never experienced wanting to be before." He admitted slowly, his frills growing warm as he glanced back up at her.

"I have to admit, I'm surprised you're into a human. If I knew you liked us…I would have asked you out myself. Now I'll forever be left wanting." She sighed dramatically resting her chin back on her palm, dipping her finger into some of the frosting Kolyat pushed aside to taste it. "So…why did you ask me if I was single? Just to break my heart of not having you? Keston seems nice but I already see how he's looking at Ebony."

Kolyat followed Emily's gaze over to the other side of the café where the two in question were locked in deep conversation. He smiled gently as Ebony laughed and tapped Keston's hand playfully, a chuckle escaping his lips just as he opened his omnitool to show her something. He noticed it the moment his friend's eyes had fallen on the tall dark skinned beauty, that he had become entranced by her. By Emily's comment, she noticed it too.

He turned his attention back to the woman before him. Her kind heart and easy going attitude. Her sense of humor and genuine heart. The gentle smells of oceans comforting and familiar. He thought of Feron's reaction the last time he was here, his comment about the scents of rain. Could it have been Emily? Was it possible? Kolyat was still trying to convince Feron to come back to the Citadel. He knew he was still a long way from being connected again but, if he came back…

"I have a friend…he's away on a trip. I'm trying to convince him to move to the Citadel. He's still trying to decide. If he comes back-"

"I don't really date Kolyat. I have too many things going on."

"I understand, of course. It's not certain he will even come but…I would like for you to meet him at least."

 _I think you might be what he needs._

Emily slowly blinked at him several times, tilting her head thoughtfully, weighing his words. Her attention moving over his shoulder as he heard Keston's footsteps approach from behind. Turning, he glanced up at the human male, a confident smile on his lips.

"Everything good?"

"Yeah…I'm going to pick her up after work tonight. She gave me her schedule so I can meet her. If this guy is getting aggressive and knows people are watching, he might keep following her after work. Turians are possessive. If he sees me around and he's obsessed then he'll get territorial and approach me. If he threatens or attacks me, then it's in the bag. We'll get this bastard."

"Isn't that dangerous though?" Emily asked in concern, worry etched in her eyes. Kolyat shook his head to ease her.

"We're trained for this. You don't have to worry." Keston said reassuringly.

"Make sure you keep your shields on when you meet her. If he gets hostile, there is a possibility he might try to shoot you if it comes to that, if he has connections he might hire someone. If you're not up to this, I will do it."

"Nah man, I got this. Friend's right? You trust me? I can handle it." Kolyat nodded in acceptance sharing a confident look with the other male. He knew Ebony would be in good hands. Keston's gaze went to the table beside him and Kolyat failed at suppressing his grin as he watched him frown.

"What the hell? You ate it!"

"Oh…I didn't think you wanted it."

"So full of shit. Do you have anymore?" He asked Emily who shook her head in rejection.

"Sorry, Kolyat ate the last two."

"You are such an asshole." Keston scowled picking up his coffee to take a few gulps and moving to punch Kolyat on the shoulder. "You're paying for lunch now."

"Don't worry about it." Emily giggled trying to reassure him. "Lunch is on me today. If I make another batch of the cupcakes I'll send them your way, ok?"

"Don't tell Kolyat then. He'll eat them."

"I'll make a batch just for you. Maybe I'll even send Ebony to deliver them." Emily's eyes darkened in hidden mirth as they watched a grin spread over Keston's lips.

"Come on man, we gotta get back to the station."

Kolyat finished his tea quickly and rose from the table, adjusting his jacket to keep his gun out of sight. Waving their goodbyes, Emily's voice stopped him just before he turned to leave.

"Kolyat…about what you asked…I have my reasons not to but…I'll keep it in mind. I can't promise anything though."

"You don't have to promise. You never know what the future holds."

Emily stared up at him intensely, her eyes shifting and changing just as the he imagined all the thoughts in her head were. Molten amber eyes swirling with so much depth and emotion. She was so incredibly beautiful, and if he hadn't already started falling for Shepard, he would be asking her out right in this moment instead. Nodding sternly she sat back in the chair again, eyes serious and contemplating.

"Your right. No one knows the future."

* * *

The rest of his shift was uneventful and extremely long, taking his time as he wandered through the Presidium making sure to patrol the areas that held the most traffic. Being on the opposite side of the law for a time had taught him enough to glance into side alleyways and hidden alcoves, his eyes wandering to the catwalks as he went, darkened corners and less used streets just in case.

He had a normal path he liked to take, a comfortable routine that lead him around expensive boutiques and a museum, an art gallery and a playground next to an elementary school. He would stop there sometimes and watch, hesitating at the innocent glee and purity of the children's laughter. The carefree attitude and playful antics of those who had no worries or cares. The ease and love of their caregivers as they came to pick them up from the yard, holding hands and smiling as they left.

When he first arrived on the Citadel he had hated it here, always avoiding places where families gathered, his anger at the world still palpable and unending. As time passed and his mind started to gradually ease into quiet indifference, the shortcomings of his childhood became easier. The words of the priests no longer falling on deaf ears, his heart finally mending with the reappearance of his father. Truth and understanding of why he did what he did, easing the fires within him.

It had taken him a long time to forgive. The pain easier to deal with then the lost weight of forgiveness, but he did his best to open himself to the stranger that shared a part of his past, regardless of the circumstances. The regret and remorse became easier as his disconnection dispersed into understanding. It had been hard, dragging himself from the darkness that threatened to consume him. Embracing the hate and violent memories more willingly then the empty hole it left when he was forced to take responsibility for his shameful choices, the way he had acted out.

 _I wish there had been more time with him._

He had reached the end of his patrol, his hands sliding to the bannister where Shepard had run into him the night before, glancing down to the floors below. His skin hummed in anticipation, the hope that he might see her again soon. Taking his time he let his gaze linger, knowing that his peaceful patrols were about to come to an end. A meeting with Bailey tomorrow would let him know his fate and the next steps in his life. Would he miss his boring walks that he had grown accustomed to? The long nights of studying and memorization, not just codes and scenarios pulled upon in a textbook but the automatic instinct of knowing what to do? He had hoped for this, had wanted it so badly, and now that it was within his grasp. His only thought was how much he wished that his father had been here to see it. How much he had changed, became the man he wanted him to be but how he had did it for himself in the end.

Slipping his hands into his jacket he leaned back and fought the urge to glance at his omnitool. His fingers flexing with the temptation to linger over his messages, hesitating over the call button. Shepard had been on his mind constantly since the night before, still unsure if he should contact her or wait for her to reach out to him. She said she would call him but, when? How long should he have to wait? When had he allowed himself to get like this with another female?

 _No…never like this. This was ten times worse than Zahria._

Sighing for what seemed like the hundredth time he adjusted his jacket and turned to leave. His stomach starting to churn with an unrelenting feeling, a pit in his abdomen. He glanced around slowly, something feeling out of place but not quite able to find it. He was about to head home but, maybe he should stop by the station just in case? Pushing down the feeling he went in the opposite direction and made his way towards C-Sec headquarters. Maybe he should check in with Monroe and see how everything was with Ebony?

Sending him a message, he grinned when Monroe responded immediately, inviting him out for a quick drink. Accepting his invitation and catching a sky cab, he was back at the station within ten minutes and walking into the call area as Keston exited the elevator. He waved in greeting at the same time he expressed his but hesitated as Reggie's voice caught his attention from a nearby desk.

"Is anyone injured?" He asked sternly keeping his voice calm and professional as he waited for the response through his headset. Keston approaching as he spoke again.

"What is the address?" He asked, hands flying over the keyboard as he logged in the information, his eyes meeting Kolyat's for a moment before he looked back at the screen. "Ok, someone will be there shortly. Thank you." He responded, the blue light on his headset going out to indicate the caller hanging up.

"Trouble?" Keston asked leaning his hip against the desk as Reggie shook his head beginning to log in the call.

"Not sure. A noise complaint. Neighbor heard crashes and loud banging, called it into building security. Probably some rich kid's wild party."

"What's the location?"

"Gemini Towers." Reggie answered easily, opening up the screens to begin the process of routing an Officer to the location. Kolyat's whole body grew rigid in alarm.

"What?" He stressed, dread spreading through his chest. "Did they say which wing?"

"Penthouse. East wing."

 _Shepard._

"I'll take the call." He responded automatically noticing Monroe glance at him curiously.

"Kolyat, you just did a double. Let someone else-"

"I'll take the call." He cut Keston off harshly, his voice on the precipice of rising panic. "Route it to me and hold the log. Don't send it through the program."

"What are you, crazy? You want me to lose my job?" Reggie seethed, glaring at Kolyat before turning his attention back to the screen before him. Kolyat's whole body shook on the edge of losing control as the thought of Shepard's safety barreled through his body like a tornado.

Taking a quick step towards Reggie's desk he lowered his voice dangerously, pressing his palms to the surface as he leaned down towards the human male, stifling the loud growl that threatened to escape his rippling throat. His hand lashed out before he could stop it, his fingers crumbling the material of his shirt as he pulled the dark male forward, his brown eyes widening in fear.

"You owe me for Neon Rain. I never threw your ass under a cruiser and mentioned you. Do me the same curtesy here." Kolyat pushed him back roughly letting the material slip from his hands as a whirlwind of thoughts crossed over Reggie's features.

"Are you threatening me? Over some false alarm call?" He asked in bewilderment his gaze snapping to Keston's in a silent plea for support. Righting himself he frowned and crossed his arms over his chest, his rising ire ready to take him over and throttle the man before him.

"I didn't hear him threaten you." Keston replied evenly sliding in next to Kolyat. "In fact, I didn't even see you take a call. We were already headed out the door in fact." Kolyat grinned smugly at Keston's words watching Reggie's face fall into profound displeasure. His fingers grazing the keyboard to erase any evidence of the call.

"This better not come back to bite me in the ass Krios…you're not the only one who has friends. You want it so badly, just go."

Kolyat clicked his tongue and turned quickly towards the door, Keston right on his heels as he stormed down the pathway towards the skycars.

"So...you going to tell me what that was about?" His friend asked firmly as he stayed by his side watching as he called a C-Sec cruiser, waiting for it to land. He took a deep breath to calm the roots of uncertainty from snaring his mind, needing to keep a clear head if Shepard was in trouble. He didn't look at Keston as he pulled the door open at the drivers end, noticing the male run to the other side and swing open the door to quickly slide in beside him.

"You don't have to come with me."

"After everything so far, I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that." Keston's jaw clenched in disapproval, clicking his seat belt into place.

"That's Shepard's apartment." Kolyat stated plainly, grateful to the man he could now call friend. Putting the car on manual he turned on the siren and pulled off into the emergency lane. Keston breathed out loudly, settling back against the seats, feeling the weight of his eyes and the thousand questions that were most likely forming in his head.

"Hanging with you is never dull, that's for sure." He mumbled, reaching into his jacket he unclasped the safety strap, knowing Shepard's reputation. Kolyat hoped it didn't have to come to that. He hoped it had been a misunderstanding. Praying the hit still wasn't active.

 _Gods, what if that human male had secured another one?_

Parking the car he sent a quick message to Feron, wondering if he had received any information on another assassination attempt. Even though he knew Feron left his previous life behind, he knew for a fact that he was still able to access most of the information available to him. Keston stayed right beside him as they strode purposefully towards the lobby doors and into the grand entryway. Jerrod seeing them immediately walked swiftly towards them, blinking rapidly in surprise.

"When I saw you with Ms. Shepard, I didn't actually believe you worked for C-Sec." Kolyat frowned from the insult and cut him off, pulling his badge from his breast pocket he opened it and flashed it towards the brown skinned Salarian, Monroe following his lead.

"A disturbance call was received from this residency. Were you the one who placed it?" Kolyat asked carefully fighting every urge to storm past him, knowing he had to follow proper protocols, interview the witness, and then act. Jerrod nodded catching himself, motioning towards the elevators as if sensing Kolyat's unease. His eyes watching him carefully, taking in everything with his photographic memory.

"Yes, Mr. Reynolds; Ms. Shepard's neighbor; reported loud shattering and banging from her apartment when he arrived home. We never had any noise complaints before, however we cannot take a chance. I called C-Sec right away."

"You did the right thing." He answered quietly stepping into the elevator with Monroe. Taking a deep breath to steady his racing heartbeat.

"Officer, please make sure you contact me to let me know if Ms. Shepard is well." Jerrod caught his eyes in worry and he nodded just as the elevator doors closed.

Kolyat licked his drying lips, swallowing roughly when the urge to recall the night prior threatened to take hold of him. Yesterday he had left here with his heart soaring in excitement and joy. The taste of Shepard's tongue taking up every inch of him. Now he was fighting the emptiness from digging their ugly claws, the brush of disconnection with the fear of losing the peace he had just found.

 _Be safe, please be safe._

"Does the Commander usually throw a lot of parties?" Monroe asked cutting through the weighted silence, his eyes hardening as the doors opened to the large open entry way, following behind Kolyat when he made his way to the right side and down a wide corridor.

"Not that I know of."

"Shit…I was hoping you didn't say that."

They both got quiet pausing outside her door. Turning his head he strained to hear for any sound beyond the entrance. Unlatching his gun he held it up and gripped the handle, his fingers easily sliding into place. The familiar weight soothing the dread that gripped his gut. _Arashu, Goddess of motherhood and protection. Please, let it not be too late._ He heard Keston take in a deep breath, the sound of him gripping his gun as he swiped his omnitool against the security panel using the C-Sec override program. The door slid open to reveal the darkness within.

He aimed his gun, staring down the sights, glancing at Keston who did the same, as they moved into the apartment slowly. Quick and silent he listened intently, his gaze sweeping over the devastation of the large open floor entryway. The kitchen was on his left, the marble island cracked and crumbling, dust and plaster covering every surface. The displays and shelves of plates lay scattered and broken upon the counters and floors. He moved in deeper, careful not to make any sound as he stepped over broken glass and debris.

Scorch marks trailed the walls. Lines of charred paint and broken paneling created a pathway towards her living room. Shattered glass tables and displays, a crushed television set, stuffing from large gash's on the fabric of her sofa's, black marks and burns skittering the untouched surfaces. _Fire?_ No, he didn't smell burning remnants in the air. _Biotic marks?_

The silence was the most troubling thing. That, and the lack of bullet holes and bodies. Did someone break in? Was Shepard even here? Keston moved silently towards the hallway keeping his back to the wall before turning to move into the first room, a bathroom on the right hand side. Kolyat moved towards the center of the main room glancing toward the exhibition cabinets on the right. Her N7 armor, displays of weapons, his father's small memorial. He grit his teeth in rising anxiety seeing the door smashed open and his gun missing from the display case.

 _What the hell happened? Where the hell is she?_

He closed his eyes and tried to concentrate, straining his senses to pick up anything that might give him an answer. A tiny gasp alerting him to someone else in the apartment. He bolted forward to the source of the sound, coming from somewhere outside. His sudden movement alerted Keston who began following behind him. Holding his gun steady he exited through the shattered glass of the balcony doors, onto a large terrace. An extensive collection of potted plants and dirt smashed upon the ground. Asari statues and pieces of stone art pushed over and destroyed. A small gazebo with chairs and pillows broken and tossed around. The mess was horrendous but, all he saw in that moment was the woman huddled in the far corner, his blood turning to ice as the pieces fell into place.

 _She did this…_

"Commander-" Keston started but was silenced by Kolyat's raised hand to indicate for him to stay quiet and give him a moment not caring how he looked in that instant to the male beside him. Holstering his gun he slowly approached the small human who now looked like a shadow of who she was.

She sat upon the floor, knees to her chest, her face red and puffy from crying, eyes dark and bruised looking, as if she hadn't slept in days. Fingers wrapped around the hilt of his father's missing pistol, now turned directly upon herself. Her irises flicked towards him, empty and full of anguish. Was this his fault? He knew she was in pain but he didn't know the extent of her misery. He should have noticed it. He should have stayed with her. He should have sent her messages to make sure she was okay. He should have-

"You need to leave Kolyat." Her voiced rumbled hoarsely, tone cold and void of any faith. He blinked his inner eyelids in disbelief from what she had asked him. Did she really think he would turn away and leave her? Ignore her in this moment where she clearly needed him the most?

"You're joking right?"

"You need to go-"

"No." He cut her off harshly, his jaw flexing in controlled anger gritting his teeth. What kind of person did she think he was to turn away from her now? It didn't matter if he cared about her deeply or not. She was in trouble and he would do what he could to help her. It was his duty. This was his choice.

"I don't want you here." Her voice cracked, a thick tear leaving a fresh streak down one of her cheeks. _All this pain._ She must have lost her common sense if she thought he was going to leave her now.

"That's the second time you've said that to me. The first, I left even though I knew you were still suffering. I will _**not**_ make that mistake again." They stared at each other in silence for several heartbeats. Her throat and chin trembling with the fight to keep her tears in. She didn't have to pretend for him, she didn't have to wear a mask, he would be here for her regardless.

He held his hand up passively and held it out towards her, sliding his feet slowly to close the distance between them. She grit her teeth, eyes darkening further as she turned the gun and aimed it at him, a fresh wave of pain streaming her cheeks. Keston sucked in a breath and aimed his gun but Kolyat stepped in front of him.

"Don't. Just don't." He spoke carefully, waiting as Keston studied his gaze before deeply frowning, easing his stance and moving the barrel up toward the sky. He took a deep breath to steady his hitched heart rate, refusing to show fear despite every instinct screaming at him in warning, his scales prickling in danger as he turned his gaze back on Shepard.

"I won't let you do this." Kolyat said carefully watching anger flash across her face.

"Don't tell me what to do. I can shoot you, and then shoot myself."

"Do you really want to do that?" He asked, keeping his voice neutral, taking another step towards her hesitantly. She blinked several times, her expression softening into a silent battle of sadness and regret, truth and apprehension.

"I don't want to hurt you. Don't make me do it, because I will. Leave…you have to leave…I don't want…

"You're going to have to kill me then…because I'm not leaving you."

He heard Keston suck in a harsh gasp just as the words fell from his lips. It's not that he wanted to die, and he had a feeling he might have just signed his death warrant but, his decision was already made the instant he walked through that door. He would do anything for her. He felt it the moment this woman had called his name those few years ago. Could feel it the second his lips touched hers in that first night of heated challenge and assessment. No matter what happened, his fate was sealed by this alien creature. The Gods had lead them to one another, despite the circumstances. There had to be a reason why.

He could have missed that call. Someone else could be here instead. He could have gone home and not called Monroe. Receiving news of her death when someone noticed her gone. They could have missed Reggie by a few minutes. So many scenarios, so many different outcomes. The God's sent him here, he was exactly where he needed to be. Whether it was to live or die...he knew something big in this moment was about to shape his future forever. Shape _**their**_ future. Even if it resulted in death.

Kolyat slid a little closer, her name leaving his lips on a whisper of pleading sincerity. If she pulled the trigger, he knew they would never be the same. She would regret killing him, if she didn't kill herself after. He knew in his soul that it would haunt her across the sea. If she killed herself without killing him, he knew _**he**_ would never be the same. He would never forgive himself for letting it happen. It would haunt him to the day he returned to the sea and after.

As if she could read his thoughts she turned the gun back on herself. "This isn't your fault Kolyat."

"Wait!" He panicked hearing the finality in her tone, his pitch just enough to make her hesitate, her fingers flexing over the trigger. Her eyes met his, cold and empty. Death calling from beyond the shore.

"Do not give into despair. Many still need you."

 _ **I**_ _need you..._

"Too many...too many, I can't do it anymore." Her voice cracked again, sobs welling to the surface, her hands beginning to shake. He heard Keston whisper his name, uncertainty laced with fear but his attention was solely on the woman who was gradually taking him over. He released a breath and calmed his voice, deliberate and on the verge of harshness. She had to know, despite what she felt, of what she represented.

"You have to…because if you don't, no one else will, and then we are all lost."

"No more…I can't do it anymore." She shook her head weakly, despair creeping back in. This wasn't her. This was a sickness taking root in her, the darkness in her soul trying to claim what was left. She could fight it. He would help her.

"You can't give up…you're stronger than this."

 _Say it…you have to tell her…_

"I need you. I won't let you give up."

She let out a choking sound, another loud gasp as the last of her resolve slipped away. Her eyes widening, something he couldn't decipher flashing through those depths while she stared up at him in wonder. Was he reaching her?

"You don't have to be alone anymore. I am here with you…Please, don't let another person I care about die while I am helpless to watch." He couldn't do it again. He wouldn't be able to handle it again.

"Sarah…" He whispered, feeling his own eyes fill with unshed tears. "Not you…please not you."

He slipped his feet closer, now right before her, and crouched down to his knees. Her eyes watched him wearily as he slid his hands steadily up her hand until his fingers wrapped over the top of the gun. His other hand circled her wrist, feeling her muscles slacked on the trigger until she let go, allowing him to slip the gun from her grasp. Dropping it behind himself, he let out the harsh breath he was holding, the weight of the universe falling from his shoulders.

Slipping his arms around her waist and legs, he cradled himself around her, pulling her closer against himself. She wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her face against his throat, hot breath over his frills, sobs escaping her lips in unchecked agony. Holding her firmly he buried one of his hands in her hair, the feeling of silk beneath his palm, holding onto her like the most precious treasure. He closed his eyes and thanked the Goddess, kissing the side of her face and hair, whispering soothing sounds in her ear, rocking her slowly, hoping to ease her. Anything to help her.

"Let me bring you inside, your freezing." He murmured against her cheek, feeling her nod when his lips brushed over her skin gently.

He picked her up fluidly, gliding his hands beneath her knees, one arm around her back, holding her against him. She kept her face buried in his chest, arms still wrapped around his shoulders. He glanced at Keston as he passed, a solemn look in his eyes while their gazes caught. He had already figured out that there was something between the two of them, but he couldn't dwell on the matter in this moment.

Walking back into the living room he spotted her comforter laid haphazardly upon the floor. He asked Keston to grab it as he pulled her closer while he sat within a clear area, wrapping the blanket snugly around the both of them. He cuddled her body between his legs, resting his chin upon her head as she buried her face against his chest. Wishing to shield her from everything she faced.

Keston's omnitool pinged and he glanced down at it, scrolling through a message before closing the program. He looked down at Kolyat and sighed deeply running his hands through his hair chaotically, the tendrils spiking up in disarray. His gaze was haunted, his eyes shifted between the two of them.

"That was Ebony."

"You have to go." It wasn't a question, he knew Monroe was scheduled to meet Ebony after work.

"What do you need from me? I can get help if-"

"No." He said sternly holding her tighter against him, rubbing his cheek over the top of her head. "No one can know about this. You can't tell anybody. Promise me." Kolyat looked up at him, a multitude of emotions blanketing his face.

"Please." He pressed unable to hide the emotion from his voice, feeling Shepard press harder against him.

"Don't leave. Kolyat…don't…" She whispered, voice trailing off into his jacket.

Kolyat brought his gaze back to the woman in his arms, cradling her cheek to tilt her face up to his, resting his forehead upon hers. He closed his eyes and breathed in her scent. Lavender and that subtle sweetness, a chance to smell it again. She leaned into him when he brushed his lips against hers, gently murmuring against her mouth.

"I'm right here. I won't leave you."

Another sob escaped her throat, and it was in that moment when she held him even tighter, that his heart was being claimed by another. An angel, a goddess, destiny beneath his fingertips.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

He knew at least two hours had passed since he had first walked through her door. Keston now long gone, and with the length of his absence growing, Kolyat grew more certain that he had kept his word, along with his silence. He had been hesitant to leave, saw all the questions in his eyes that churned with compassion. He was going to be a good cop, Kolyat knew this for fact, an even greater friend. He was glad that Keston had been with him. Shepard could trust him too.

She had never moved since the moment she had asked him to stay. Never spoke or made any sound. Just sat silently against him; head upon his upper chest; arms pinned between their bodies. She never even protested as he adjusted her periodically upon his lap, moving his arms behind her to send messages to Jerrod and Reggie. Letting the Salarian know that everything was fine and notifying Reggie to put the call in as unfounded, if he even still held it. Keston even messaged to notify of Ebony's safe return, making it home safely without any incident and that he would be taking her home from now on.

He closed his omnitool and continued to hug the woman in his arms. His legs growing stiff and sore but unwilling to move from that spot. He wanted to give her whatever comfort she was willing to take from him. Feeling her relax as more time pasted, gaining confidence that she wouldn't try to grab his pistol from his holster. He wondered what had pushed her to this point, what thoughts had been on her mind to bring her to the brink of ending it. He should have called her, he shouldn't have hesitated.

He wouldn't make that mistake again.

"With Irikah... did you...?" Her quiet voice trailed off unable to finish her sentence. She didn't need to. He knew exactly what she was asking. It took him a moment to answer. Gripping her snugly against himself. The delicate feel of her in his arms comforting and calming, lavender wafting in the air. He swept his fingers gradually through her hair, feeling the softness over and over as he pet the soft locks soothingly.

"Did I see what happened?" He finished for her, feeling her nod against his chest, fingers curling around the front of his leathers. Taking a deep breath, he felt the hollowness inside himself spread out. The danger of remembering. Resting his head on hers, he took a moment while he thought of what to say. Swallowing back the tightness in his chest as the smell of fresh blood threatened to fill his nostrils.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. I just had this feeling that perhaps…"

"I did." He confessed slowly, never before admitting it out loud. No one really knowing the truth; no one ever brave enough to ask.

"I saw the whole thing…I watched until I wasn't able to…Until she was dragged from my view, until…' _let us play a game', tongue moves over cracked lips, he smiles empty and cruel. The clank of metal, the sweep of fabric as a blade is pulled from his cape. The dull metal stained with red, her scream cut off, he grabs her throat-"_

"Don't!" He heard Shepard cry out, the feel of her hands on his face forcing him from the memory. He dropped his gaze not even realizing he had slipped into the past, his heart hammering from the rising panic but calming as her soft fingers held him firmly anchoring him back to the present.

"I don't want you to relive that." Her voice was stern, eyes pleading in sincerity. Kolyat smiled and placed one of his hands over hers, closing his eyes he snuggled his face into her palm, frills rubbing against the softness of her skin.

"I apologize, I lost myself. Thank you for bringing me back."

"I shouldn't have asked. _ **I**_ apologize." She frowned pulling away slightly. He grasped her securely not willing for her to move from his lap just yet, her hands falling back to his chest, gaze following the path.

"It's ok. I never confirmed it out loud before to anyone."

"Never?"

"No." He dropped his voice placing one of his hands over hers upon his heart, the other brushing through her hair. "Let me talk about it. If nothing else then to at least distract you a bit."

"We can talk about something else." She pressed. He shook his head in rejection.

"No. You are curious, and I am willing to share with you. You would not have asked if it wasn't on your mind." He paused trying to gather his thoughts. Trying to figure out where he wanted to start, how much he was willing to open to her.

"His name was Stiv Kay. The man who came to our home. My mother sensed him immediately. She grabbed me; told me to hide; no matter what I heard, to remain quiet until she came back. That was the last time she spoke to me." He paused a moment and swallowed thickly. Taking the time to fight back the rise of memories from consuming him, the smell of lavender keeping him rooted.

"There was a vent concealed in the darkness, between the sofa and a shelf. She locked me in there and covered it partially with the couch. Unless someone knew I was there, I wouldn't be found but…I was able to see through one of the panels. Not entirely…but it was enough, and I could hear…" Kolyat thought back to that moment, how terrified he was, shaking as he covered his mouth to prevent any sound from escaping, her screams as the man…

Shepard's arms held onto him tighter, her arms wrapping around his waist as she buried her face into his chest again. Bringing his hand back up he touched the back of her head, anything to just touch her hair again. The tendrils moving beneath his fingertips, the smells engulfing every breath he took.

"I blamed myself for a long time for what happened to her." He finally admitted his shame. The one thing he carried around with him his entire life, too scared to put into words. Terrified by how someone might view him.

"Why would you think that?"

"I-…For a long time I thought…If I wasn't there…If she hadn't tried to protect me, she would still be alive."

"No…She loved you. That could have never been an option for her."

"If I wasn't born, they wouldn't have been in that situation to begin with."

"No." She uttered harshly, her eyes burning into his with renewed vigor. "You were born out of love Kolyat. Never doubt that. Thane always said you were a gift given to him from Arashu. He loved you…more than _**anything**_ in this world. He was so desperate to keep you safe."

"I know. I understand that now but, at the time I only saw myself as a failure. I thought perhaps I could have saved her. If I had been braver and tried to sneak away for help…instead of cowering in the wall, trying to cover my ears, keep my tears silent-"

"Stop." She said breathlessly cupping his cheeks back upon her palms, bringing his gaze back down to hers.

"You're _**so**_ incredibly brave. Many people would have been broken from that."

He stared at her for a long time, seeing the sincerity in her depths, stuck in the empathy of her words. The brush of her thumbs as they moved across his ribbing caused tiny sparks of fire to ignite deep within him. This tiny woman who had taken on so many burdens, opening herself to take in one more from him. Here he was trying to help her…and instead she was comforting him. The strength of an angel.

"I was...for a long time."

He wrapped his arms around her, burying his face within the curve of her neck, just needing to feel her in his arms. She was solid. She was real. She was here; alive; with him; in this moment. Her hands cradling the back of his head, she embraced him snugly, opening herself to him freely.

"I only saw my father briefly after that. He was...consumed. No one was able to get through to him. You already know he disappeared right after the funeral. I'm sure you know everything from his side." Kolyat sighed and looked down between them resting his forehead on her shoulder, feeling the tips of her fingers trace the ridges above his frills.

"When I received my inheritance and found out exactly who my father was…I felt as if something right had fallen into place. I thought I had found some sense of purpose. Like I was meant to follow in his footsteps. Maybe pick up where he left off."

"That's never what Thane wanted for you." Shepard's hands fell as she drew away slightly urging him to look at her. Lifting his head he met her darkening gaze.

"I know...I thought he was dead, and I saw it as my escape from Kahje. I hated it there. My whole perception of life was nothing but poison anger. I always felt as if I didn't belong. As if I was someone else's problem to be pushed aside." He closed his eyes and hummed faintly in pleasure, her fingers trailing down his throat, distracting him from the harshness of his memories, making him focus on the joy of how liberal she was in touching him now.

"I'm glad he was able to find you."

He waited a moment, her fingers falling to the metal of his Hikari before he opened his eyes again. Slowly, he brought his hands up to her face, cupping her cheeks, feeling her soft skin finally starting to warm beneath his grasp. She had to know it wasn't true. His father was not the one to dissolve his disconnection. She was.

"I'm glad _**you**_ were able to find me. He might have been there but it was _**your**_ voice I heard. Your connections that gave me a second chance. You saved me...not father."

"But-"

"But nothing. No matter what you say, it won't change the fact that you were the one who awakened me from my battle sleep. You were the one who allowed me an opportunity to find my soul again...I believe the Goddess guided me here for that reason…I think it's time to return the favor you once bestowed upon me….I will be the one to help you feel alive again."

Something in her expression changed as she processed his words. Her eyes opening wide in a sense of wonderment searching his gaze, for what he wasn't sure. The truthfulness of his words? How much he meant them? What she meant to him? He would make sure to repeat them as many times as she wished.

"Did you really just say that?" She asked on the cusp of disbelief, her tone puzzling him. Tilting his head he purred at her quizzically studying her expression, grinning gently when he saw her disposition lighten. A ghost of a smile forming over her lips.

"What? You didn't like how smooth that was? You just don't appreciate good lines when you hear them." He joked, being rewarded with her quiet chuckle.

"Oh, I appreciate them...When they're actually good. I think that was a terrible line."

"Ouch...You're lucky I like you, or that might have actually hurt." He hummed in fake upset, happy that he was easing her from her earlier turmoil. He felt her shift in his hold, hesitation catching her throat as one of her hands came up to covered his. He softened his expression knowing his eyes grew a little brighter, allowing her to see the delight her simple touch invoked within him.

"Why?" He heard her ask, a whisper of breath as if she didn't ask it at all, uncertainty creeping back in. He caressed her face, her hair and down her neck, peering into her eyes, twin emerald suns filled with so much doubt and fear. Emotions that should never be allowed to cross her face.

"Why me? Everyone on the Citadel...why me? You should want some nice Drell female who-"

"What we want and what we need don't always mean the same thing...I don't even want that. I don't want a nice Drell female. That could never interest me now."

"Kolyat-"

"I want you." He cut her off. A gasp leaving her lips, eyes widening in hesitation. He would make her understand.

"Not only that, I need you...as much as you need me."

"Why? Why do you even want to deal with this…you shouldn't…" Her voice fell off, eyes filling with unshed tears. He smiled languidly, his chest tightening from all the pain he hoped to take from her. The capacity to chase away the shadows that filled her soul.

"Because I want to see you. I want to taste your desires. I want to know them as my own. I want to feel your soul. I want to listen to its song."

"There's nothing left." She choked out. The next wave of tears breaking free to roll down her cheeks, his thumbs going back to her face to brush them away as they fell. He would be her strength in the days to come. He would swear it to all the Gods that would listen.

"Yes there is...it's just lost right now. Even stars are only seen in the darkness that surrounds them. Let me be the one to help you shine again."

She stared up at him; eyes searching; blinking slowly; tears ceasing. Her expression finally softening into something he was praying to see again. Hope. A smile coming back to her lips.

"Now that...was a really good line."

Kolyat chuckled deeply, another smile given to her, hands falling to caress her arms, rubbing them gently as they shared a quiet moment of peaceful knowing. He swallowed thickly, his heartbeat quickening as her hands touched his chest, fingers swirling patterns over his scales. How he wanted to feel them over his skin everywhere.

"Can I kiss you?" He asked almost shyly, his frills heating as her gaze met his. Green horizons dilating in anticipation as she nodded in acceptance, cheeks blushing.

His fingers caressed her shoulders, sweeping into her hair to bury them in the thick softness. Moving through the shiny mass, the satin tresses stroked his fingers while he cupped her neck and pulled her closer. She tilted her head up in silent confirmation, his digits curling delicately against her jaw and cheeks. His lips ghosting over hers. He loved this feeling. That last possible second before his mouth covered hers completely. The racing heartbeat, the yearning of her lips, the scents of her skin.

The fifth kiss now and it was everything he had hoped for since the beginning. Perfect and warm, soft with silent demanding. Her returned eagerness reaching something inside him he never knew existed. Something he never expected to feel for another in his entire life.

Devotion.

His lips savored hers, the exquisite taste of her mouth sweet and unforgettable but in this moment, it was pure perfection. No alcohol, no unsure indecision, no synthetics, clouded judgement or doubt. She was finally kissing _**him**_ , and in this moment it was everything he could have wished for.

He kissed her languidly. His mouth moving over hers, more of a caress then kiss. Lips and softness, testing ever curve and inch of her mouth, tracing the entirety of it, memorizing every dip and contour, every movement and stroke. He tasted her sweet breaths as she moved in anticipation for his touch. The tip of his tongue trailing over her bottom lip before nipping her lazily. He wanted this instant to last for eternity as her mouth opened for him, returning his touch with her own sweet hint of want and exploration.

She sighed in content, her whole body relaxing completely in his hold. His tongue touching hers for just a brief instant before he brought it back to tease her. Her breath hitched when he licked the bottom swell again, painting a trail of lips and tongue down her chin to her throat. She titled her head back emitting a low moan of approval. That tiny sound alone enough to excite a purr of hunger from his ribbing.

Kolyat bit her lightly as he felt her hands beneath his jacket, patiently waiting to assess exactly what she wanted from him. He kissed her lips again, her jaw, her neck, watching her eyes darken and meet his for a brief second before her hands slipped further beneath the material, now realizing what she was silently implying. Pulling back fluidly he gave her enough room to push the material from his shoulders, and down his arms. He watched her eyes for any uncertainty, the gentle whisper of material the only sounds as he watched her expression carefully. Green pools shining with want and yearning. He kissed her neck again, licking her a little more roughly, memorizing every inch that made her twitch or shiver, her hands wrapping around the back of his neck to pull him against her.

Once his jacket was free, he moved his hands between them slowly, unbuckling the holster from his torso letting it fall behind him upon his jacket. Shepard's fingers moved back to his chest, her palms running over the expanse of his muscles as she angled herself for deeper acceptance. Kolyat could feel his pulse hammering in his throat, the beckoning look in her eyes undoing him when he slipped a hand below her knee to grasp the bottom of her thigh. A purr of desire when he heard an exquisite moan escape her throat, his tongue back on her neck to feel the rapid fluttering when he grabbed her hips wrapping her legs comfortably around him. The heat of her skin quickly rising the more she moved against him, hands bunching the material of his shirt at his back, urging him flush against her. Hissing in pleasure as she brushed against his raging arousal.

"Sorry." He whispered taking a steady breath to calm himself, trying to bring distance between them. Just a little leeway to let him gain back some control.

"No. I want this." She murmured. Her lips finding his more passionately, rolling her hips to brush roughly against him, a deep guttural groan escaping his lips.

"Sarah, I-"

"I want this. I want you." She repeated, rolling her hips again making him grunt in pleasure. The heat from her core tempting him to the point of madness. How hot would her body get for him?

"Are you sure? I would never take advantage-"

"You're not." She urged kissing him again, her tongue moving to his cheek slipping beneath a delicate fold shooting pleasure down his spine and straight to his dick. His mind spinning with the possibilities she presented. The chance he wanted to show her. He would make her forget the pain.

Kolyat's hands slipped over her ass pulling her roughly against his arousal, grinding his hardness against her, a gasp and moan when her tongue touched his once more. He felt so overwhelmed with the thought of being with her unlike anyone previously. She tasted like perfection and promises, sweetness and dreams. Thoughts leaving him as instinct took over, a growl of dominance breaking free. He wanted to touch her, taste her, kiss her, fuck her, feel her mouth on him all at the same time. Possibilities endless but the prospect of only one night weighed heavily in the back of his mind.

 _What if it's only for tonight?_

"I don't know if I can be gentle. I want you too much." He murmured through kisses quickly growing in intensity.

"I don't want gentle. Not right now. I want to lose myself in you." Kolyat tilled loudly from her words, the feel of her body under his hands alone making him lose his fucking mind in temptation.

"I'm not letting you sleep tonight." He growled pulling her higher against his lap. The juncture of her thighs touching his painfully constrained length in sweet encompassing friction.

Kolyat didn't give her a moment to respond, covering her mouth in passionate longing once again. The ache of how much he wanted her since the beginning, that first moment his name was spoken from her mouth making him shake in aspiration for her touch. His lips devoured hers like she was the only thing that mattered, because in this moment she truly became his existence; his only purpose.

She wrapped her hands around his neck, allowing him to explore her mouth as much as he wanted. Her sounds of acceptance and enjoyment flaming his desire to the point of no control. He needed to take a breath, not willing to rush it. His mouth going back to her throat, teeth grazing a sensitive spot he discovered earlier that left her sighing and leaning back to grant him more access. Gods, how he wanted to run his mouth all over her...

He trailed one of his hands down her side, fingers dipping below the cotton fabric, slipping his hand beneath. Caressing a path up her heated skin he reveled in the smooth texture of her flesh, the way she wiggled and moaned. Kolyat's knuckles brushed the base of her breast, her body dipping to silently beg for more as he experimented with the swell; the incredibly soft feel; fingers spanning out to cover it gently with his hand; squeezing lightly; a perfect handful. She whimpered and arched her back to give him a better angle, her silent urging all he needed to continue his survey of her alluring curves.

"Do you like these to be touched?" He whispered against her mouth, his other hand dipping below her shirt to touch the other one, gently rolling the small puckered tips between his thumb and forefinger.

"Yes." She gasped letting out a low moan as he increased the pressure, enjoying the sounds coming from her delicious mouth, the scents as her arousal heightened. He couldn't believe how responsive she was being. Were all humans this sensitive, or was that just the beauty of Shepard?

He grasped her a little more roughly, watching the pleasure pass over her face, his tongue feeling heavy with the need to run it over those hardened peaks. Shepard moved back a bit, letting him guide her shirt over her head, the long tresses of waves trailing out behind her to tumble around her body like a veil of red silk. He felt her hands on his face, fingers tracing over his frills, licking a path down her throat and upper chest he fluidly eased her back upon the floor. The comforter cradling her body as he stared down at the perfect beauty of her for the first time, wanting to commit everything to memory. Pale skin, lightly flushed, giving way to flawless abundant breasts tipped with rosy tight budded nipples. He groaned with the possibilities of the things he could do to them, what he already started planning.

Leaning forward he kissed between the valley of her breasts, his mouth watering in anticipation of feeling that taut little bud beneath his tongue. Sucking one impatiently into his mouth the gasp of excitement that escaped her lips was enough to make him lose himself right then and there like an inexperienced youth. He took a steady lick, slow and thorough, giving himself a focus as he tugged her with tongue and lips, enjoying the different sounds and sighs. He was learning her, listening raptly at the changes of pitch and tone while he changed the intensity of his suckling and teasing strokes. He had never experienced such sensitivity, and he only craved more.

Switching his assault, he groped her free breast as he pulled the other against his lips, teeth grazing gently. Her back curving, fingers threading through the ridges on his head to slip back, bunching the material of his shirt at his shoulders. She pulled her bottom lip into her mouth, teeth biting the swell as his came down just a little harder, a whimper escaping her throat, but not in pain, satisfaction. He wanted this, unrelenting in the pleasure he was willing to give her. He would never stop…he wanted to hear her leave everything behind and lose herself in this moment with him. Even if it was only for one night.

 _No…don't think about that. Just think about her. Be what she needs. Be everything she will let you be._

When her breaths turned quicker, her body rolling against him as if seeking, he began moving over her body. His hands advancing downward exploring her hips and sides, the smoothness of her flesh, the heat stirring beneath the surface, fingers dancing over her body learning the curves and contours as he went. His tongue never left her, trailing a path down her stomach dipping his tongue into the valley of her belly button, nipping at her skin as he trailed even lower.

Gods, no female had ever felt like this. Her body was firm, the muscles of being a soldier, a contrast to the softness of her skin…the smell of her arousal. His body shook at the intensity of wanting to taste her took ahold of him. He wanted to lick her sex, taste the core of that sweet scent thick upon his tongue. He had never seen a naked Human before but, he doubted she was anything but perfect, just like the rest of her. Their eyes met in scorching intensity as he dipped down to lick her stomach again, watching her eyes darken as they glazed with pleasure.

Carefully he watched her expression, his fingers curling below the waistband of her cotton pants, her shifting body the only indication of discomfort as one of her hands went over his, stopping his movement. He smiled gently, his hand about to fall away, not willing to push her if she did not want it but her firm grip on his hand prevented him from moving.

"Have you ever been with a human?" She asked with a hint of worry. Did she think he would find her undesirable? He doubted anything would turn him off from her at this point. He would never hurt her intentionally.

"No. Are you worried I won't find you as beautiful as I know you already are?"

"I just..."

"You smell so fucking good...Let me see you Sarah. Teach me anything you wish for me to know that will only bring you pleasure."

Her eyes widened from his words, lips parting on a silent breath, her hand faltering allowing him to guide the material down her legs and quickly away. He stared at her skin, the smooth flawlessness surprising him. She had seen so much battle, shouldn't there be scars? His hands trailed up her calves, over her thighs, caressing her silky flesh, loving the texture, his eyes gazing at her exposed sex for the first time. Licking his lips he hummed in fondness, his throat rippling as he purred his liking for her to hear, noticing the apprehension fade away as she listened to him, thankful with her familiarity of a Drells unspoken expression. Staring at the small patch of vibrant red hair at the top of her delicate looking feminine folds, he ran his thumb over the tiny spot curiously.

"Do you have an Azure?" He asked boldly wishing to know if she had a spot, which if touched, would drive her wild in ecstasy. He only knew what Asari called it, since her body was similar in some ways, would she have anything like it?

"Something like that." She gasped, her bottom lip pulled between her teeth as he ran his fingers over the slit, feeling a subtle hint of moisture coat his tips. Was this normal for a human? Did they release moisture also? He wished he had spent some time learning more about humans. As if sensing his unspoken question, her gaze caught his carefully.

"When human females get aroused, they get 'wet'. Our males don't provide lubrication."

Kolyat hummed loudly in content, a growl escaping his throat. The thought of both of their lubrications running over one another sending his libido screaming for possession of her body right then and there. This wasn't about him though…not what he wanted to take, but what he was willing to give. How _**much**_ he was willing to give. He would make sure she came several times this evening, if her species was capable of it…and how he _**hoped**_ her species was capable of it.

Dipping his fused finger slightly within her, more heat and moisture coated his scales. Moving slowly he experimented with the feel of her delicate folds, warmth and scorching promise, until he touched the top of her. His gaze capturing hers, eyes dark and full of need, knowing her stare mirrored his own. He pushed in a little deeper, reaching the upper region of her folds, feeling a small nub of flesh he was unfamiliar with. He rubbed it gently, unsure of what he was touching. Her reaction all he needed to know. He watched her carefully as he brushed it again, that slight swell, a gentle sigh leaving her mouth as she unconsciously shut her eyes and bucked her hips against his hand, breath hitching in her throat. He grinned wickedly when she did it again, enjoying the way she arched into his touch in silent pleading.

"I think I found your Azure." He murmured in confident arrogance, watching her cheeks flush, breaths heavier, her pupils dilating in glazed desire.

"It's called a clit."

"I found your clit then." He lingered the word, testing out the foreign syllables. He grinned darkly, watching the smile brighten her face, a musical laugh escaping her throat in joy.

"Jesus." She groaned. "That's a really dirty word. You said it way too easily."

"I think you liked me saying it though."

"Maybe just a little." She whispered licking her lips being rewarded with another pleased hum as he leaned forward, his tongue going back to her stomach, her breast, her throat, until he claimed her mouth, his fused finger brushing that spot over and over, hips bucking further into his touch. Those exotic and alien scents heavy upon the air as his tongue caressed hers. How moist she was growing, how beautiful and amazing he found her, the dampness growing with her scent. A sharp gasp coming from her throat making him freeze in uncertainty.

"Did I touch you too roughly?"

"No...It's good...your skin..." She kissed him chastely, fingers grasping the ridges of his cheeks to pull him back to her. Her tongue running over the center of his lips making him chuckle from her eagerness.

"What about my skin?"

"I think I licked you too much." She exhaled, blinking several times before running a hand through her hair to brush away the wild tendrils. Taking a moment he pulled away as she pushed herself up on her elbows.

"Are you sure? Because honestly, I want to feel your mouth on every part of my body."

He watched her eyes widen from his words. The scents of her body growing impossibly stronger. Kolyat grinned and pulled the uniform shirt over his head, enjoying the way her eyes trailed over his upper body. The pattern of his stripes and the shimmer of his scales not as common as other colorings. He purred when her gaze lingered over his stomach and lower, a smile catching her lips noticing how excited he was. The pressure of his leathers a little more than uncomfortable.

"Your venom, it's an aphrodisiac for Humans, you do know that right?" He knew other races used the venom on their skin to get high sometimes but he didn't think Shepard would be effected as much because of her past contact.

Did it have a reverse effect?

Without thinking Kolyat closed his eyes and brought his fingers to his mouth, tasting her 'wetness' on his lips for the first time. Snaking his tongue out he licked every piece of scale he had touched her with before dipping his fused digit into his mouth completely. He tilled loudly in approval, a musky sweetness ran down his throat as he indulged in her taste. Those pure and alluring aromas exactly how he imagined them to be, delicate and soft, with a consuming yet subtle sweetness that was just entirely her. He wanted to taste her completely.

 _Will she taste this good when she cums on my tongue?_

He opened his eyes and licked his lips as he pulled his hand away. Shepard's gaze dark and sinful, lips slightly parted as her chest rose and fell with shallow bursts of control. Hands fisting the material of the comforter, she shifted slightly bringing one of her legs up.

"Did you enjoy watching me do that?" He grinned as she brought herself to a sitting position, her hands reaching for the buckles of his belt to quickly unfasten it. He grabbed her chin roughly just as he heard the zipper in the silence, barely heard over his rushing heartbeat. He forced her gaze up to his, feeling the material slightly push down his thighs, the sweet release of all that pressure off his malehood giving him a moment of reprieve.

She tried to fight against him but he grabbed her hip and forced her body flush against his, a whimper escaping her throat as she shuddered. His hard member slid against her lower stomach, the silky moisture from his engorged frills gliding against the delicate smoothness of her flesh. Sweet Arashu, how he ached to know if she would feel this good when he took her.

"You never answered me." He chided bringing his lips down to her ear, releasing her chin to grab her wrist when she tried to push herself against him.

"Answered what?" She grit out in bewilderment, a tremor running over her spine when he nibbled the tender swell of her lobe, pulling it between his teeth.

"If you liked watching me lick your 'wetness' from my fingers."

"Fuck, you like to talk dirty."

Kolyat chuckled and captured her mouth, kissing her deeply, feeling her hands come up and wrap around his shoulders once again, hands exploring the muscles of his arms and back, falling to his sides and waist. She pulled herself harder against him, her abdomen causing friction against his member forcing a low growl to escape his throat. Pushing her back slightly, she gave into his silent demand for control, letting him guide her down upon the comforter, fingers roaming over the muscles of her thighs. His hands slid to her knees spreading them fluidly, allowing him to reveal her most intimate place to him.

He could feel the need overwhelm him as he looked down at her. Dark pink hues in perfect contrast to the rest of her gentle paleness, and her scent…Oh Gods…her scent…He fell down quickly before her, fingers digging into the softness of her thighs covering her swiftly with his mouth. His tongue dipped into her center, thick with that sweet musk he desperately wanted to experience, shaking in need of her. He closed his eyes and purred in pleasure from her taste. His tongue lapping at her greedily, enjoying the sounds of her irregular breaths and the arch of her back to grant him better access. His tongue moved to find her clit, that small nub which caused her great pleasure. Licking it several times he got the reaction he was hoping for, flicks and altering strokes rewarding him with different pitches and volumes of her moans. He wanted to know every sound she was capable of.

He moved back down to her core finding a steady rhythm until her hips suddenly bucked from the floor, her fingers lacing around the ridges of his head pulling him closer against her. He placed a hand on her stomach to hold her still as incoherent words tumbled from her lips making him smile. He was pleased while he watched her let go, losing herself in the pleasure he wanted so deeply to give her.

Kolyat was relishing in learning her, tugging that spot relentlessly with lips and tongue until he felt her stomach begin to quiver. Licking back down to her center when he thought she might be near the point of release. He could tell what he was doing by the frustrated breaths and noises she made, her body moving against him trying to seek out more friction. The tightness in his scrotum becoming unbearable as he kicked his boots and pants away, sucking her back against his mouth roughly. Gods, he was so hard for her, scared he might spill his seed at any moment.

"Please." He heard her beg on a whisper of breath, her fingers tangling in her hair as she brushed it from her face. "I can't take anymore. Please…"

Kolyat hummed in pride, delighted by how he was making her feel. Too far gone in that moment to take her, Kolyat knew he needed to collect himself, not willing to go before her, refusing to deny her the release she was pleading for. Adjusting his position he gently pushed his fused finger into that awaiting moist heat, feeling her walls drenching his scales while he gradually glided into her. He felt resistance at first, Shepard's inner walls clenching tight, worry gripped his gut that he would be unable to fit. He worked her slowly, patiently, as her body accepted the intrusion, his digit sinking deeper, feeling her body grow even wetter as he pumped in and out, her moans encouraging him on, until he was able to completely bury his finger within her.

Sucking her clit back against his tongue he pulled her gently as he assaulted her opening with unrelenting strokes. Her cries of pleasure grew louder as her body trembled beneath his hands, breaths erratic and shallow. Without warning she bucked her hips, felt her muscles coil, a loud erotic cry ripped from her throat, her sex squeezing firmly. His finger was now drenched and the exotic smells that permeated the air made his heart hammer while he watched her with wide eyed fascination, the waves of her orgasm mesmerizing to witness. The hottest thing he had ever watched in his entire life.

He continued his strokes languidly to a stop, until her body feel limply upon the floor, allowing her a moment to catch her breath. Withdrawing his digit carefully, he licked her juices from his finger with deliberate flicks. He never wanted to forget her taste.

"I'm not sure which one of us enjoyed that more." He heard her speak, a playful hum making him grin and meet her gaze.

"I am going to say me, because you taste fucking amazing."

Shepard smiled at him softly, expression light and full of warmth. He took that moment to move himself slowly up her body, plating soft kisses and light caresses over her skin, hearing her sigh in contentment. He licked between her breasts, fingers reaching for his frills guiding him to kiss her once more. Her tongue touched his and he succumbed to her urging, hunger unfurling once again, letting her taste herself upon his tongue.

Kolyat adjusted himself over her, feeling her legs brush his sides, his thick heavy length gliding over her sleek wet opening ready for more. He hesitated and swallowed thickly, fighting his instinct to take everything she was willing to give and then demand a little more. The head of his phallus slipped over her opening as he pulled away from the kiss to peer into her eyes. Bright green storms that could force him to his knees if she only asked. He wanted to give her the last opportunity to refuse him if she changed her mind.

"Sarah I-"

"Shhh." She cut him off, bringing her legs up to wrap around his waist, helping to guide himself inside her. Kolyat shuddered as her tightness slowly enveloped him. The heat and feel of her walls completely indescribable while he carefully urged her body to accept him. He had never felt such pleasure as he battled his last will of strength, preventing himself from completely taking her, feeling her muscles tense excruciatingly around him. He grit his teeth from the sensation, a deep guttural groan releasing from his throat. It felt amazing but he was worried about her comfort more.

"Am I hurting you? Do you want to stop?" He breathed jaggedly, tethering the precipice of self-control. Noticing the deep crimson hues spread over her cheeks and chest, watching her eyes darken and glaze, mouth parting as she whimpered angelically.

"No. Your just….larger than I anticipated."

"You know…It's not necessary to sweet talk me anymore tonight. I think I'm already a sure thing." He hummed darkly being rewarded with her joyous laugh, feeling her legs come up a little higher urging him to continue. She touched his frills with her fingertips, the sensation making it incredible hard for him to concentrate. Grabbing her wrist he pinned it to the floor above her head, watching the need in her eyes.

"It's difficult to think when you do that…and I need to know something first." Shepard moved her hips against him, slipping him in a little deeper, her free hand grasping his waist almost impatiently.

"You won't hurt me." She persuaded, rolling her hips to shift him, pure pleasure and hunger shining through heavy black lashes. A chuckle from her persistence rumbled from his ribbing.

"Is it safe to cum inside you?" He asked sharply needing to know if he had to maintain control to not cause her any discomfort. Shepard's eyes widened from his question, body quivering in need as she wrapped her thighs higher around him, feet falling into the dip of his spine at the base of his back.

"Fuck yes." She breathed. It was all he needed. Without hesitation he pushed firmly into her, knowing she now had enough time to adjust to his girth and could feel how wet she still was for him. The scents in the air drowning him with her longing. Pulling out slightly he braced his hands beneath her and surged completely inside.

Shepard arched her back from the floor, the sounds she released the most exquisite thing he had ever heard in his entire life. He felt her hands slip around his shoulders, down his sides to fall at his hips, moving her body with him to meet every thrust. Kolyat was barely aware of anything else but the feel and sound of her as he kept a steady pace, driving into her deeply over and over. She was hot…so incredibly hot, and tight, sweet Goddess. A perfect fire wrapped around his dick like liquid cashmere. He shuddered in ecstasy; it was unlike anything he could compare it to, because nothing before had ever been this remarkable. Heaven waiting just beyond her lips.

She pulled his mouth down to hers, tongue seeking his as he took everything from her, demanding even more, eyes clamping shut. He felt her body start to shake, the same labored breaths right when she was at the cusp, her wanton sounds making him lose his fucking mind in a state of frenzy, surging into her a little faster, a little harder. He wanted her to scream her passion into him, passion he wanted her to drown in.

No…he wanted her to know…Slowing his thrusts, he grabbed her chin unwilling to have her lose herself just yet. Something more primal taking over. He wanted her to know him…all of him.

"Sarah, look at me." He urged. Waiting as she opened her eyes lazily, gaze raw and full of fervor.

"Don't stop." She begged, pulling herself up to meet his mouth, forcing him to turn his face, tongue finding his frills instead. Shepard licked him wildly, her movements on the verge of frenzy, the tip slipping below a sensitive fold making him snarl in yearning. Grabbing her chin roughly he forced her gaze to his, pushing into her savagely, holding himself still within the confines of her tightening scorched heat. Shepard's eyes slipped closed again with a pleading moan.

"Please, so close."

"Keep your eyes open. I want you to know...I want to watch as I make you cum." She bit her lip and opened her eyes as he pushed into her again. He could tell she was struggling from the pleasure, fighting to keep her gaze fixed on his, fingers going back to his cheek.

"Kolyat." She whispered so rawly, freezing him in wide eyed hesitation.

It was the first time she had said his name since he first kissed her. Suddenly he felt the whole world shift around him, his blood raging in need, the will to submit himself entirely to her will, changing his existence. His breath stopped as he grasped her hand from his cheek, heart crashing against his ribs like a battering ram, he brought her palm to his mouth kissing the pulse on her wrist. Her eyes widened in surprise, tears forming in the corners, she knew what it meant, an intimate Drell gesture. Complete devotion to another. He was losing himself to her, not the other way around.

"Kolyat, please." He heard her beg.

He growled in dominance, slamming into her hard and fast, the last of his walls crumbling with the sound of his name. Crashing his mouth back down to hers he gripped her hip roughly to hold her against his brutal assault. A few more thrusts and her whole body tensed as a loud scream erupted from her throat, muffled by his lips. Her walls clamping down, she pulsed and squeezed him in sweet encompassing torture, no longer able to hold back. His release came hard and fast, overwhelming and unrelenting. Ignoring a burning pain in his shoulder he allowed his instincts to take over, growling deeply as he tore his mouth from hers and bit her neck while his orgasm continued to barrel through him, Tethering on the edge it took everything left to prevent his barbs from releasing. The urge to claim had never been so real, so dangerously close as he lost all sense of time, all comprehension of where he was. All that mattered was the pleasure, in this moment, here and now…with Shepard in his arms.

As the feeling of bliss subsided and he was able to find himself again, he could feel her hand caress his cheek, her eyes filling with something he couldn't quite decipher. Taking a moment to catch their breath he stared down at the beauty of the woman below him, a smile ghosting her lips. Pulling herself up she kissed him softly, arms wrapping around his neck to hold herself against him. Kissing her back chastely he smiled against her mouth, her tongue running over the bottom swell of his lip.

"Can we move to the bedroom?"

"You want me to walk after that?" He teased, being rewarded with a gentle laugh, another light kiss.

"Trying to stroke my ego now, are we?"

"Trying to get you to stroke other things." He mused pulling her against him, hearing her hum thoughtfully. He wrapped his hands beneath her knees and back, shifting her comfortably against him as he lifted her and made his way down the hall. Going slow and careful while he avoided debris and glass. Her shoulders falling as he moved through her apartment.

"I'm definitely going to have to hire a cleaning crew tomorrow."

"Don't worry about that right now. I can help if you need it." She glanced at him and remained quiet, words she didn't say crossing her expression, uncertainty gripping his chest when she didn't accept his offer. He carried her to the bed, placing her down upon the edge. His hand lingering before pulling back.

"I think you enjoy carrying me too much."

"I just like any opportunity to touch you." He answered honestly eyes falling to her neck, grimacing and sucking in a displeased breath at his bite. "Shit…I didn't mean to mark you."

"Are you sure?" She asked quietly, eyes sparkling as her hand came up to touch the reddened flesh, the slight swell and indent from his teeth.

"Maybe…" He admitted hesitantly his eyes meeting hers. "I lost control. I will be careful in the future."

She glanced away quickly, the smile faltering from his words. Maybe this _**was**_ just for the night? No...He wouldn't allow that to happen. He had said it before and meant it. He needed her, as much as she needed him. If nothing else, he would be her foundation for the path ahead. No matter where it lead her.

"We're even then. I scratched you pretty hard." Is that what that sting was? Kolyat looked over his shoulder to where he felt the searing pain earlier, noticing flecks of red trailing down his skin. He turned his back towards her mirror seeing the red streak of drying blood and a small patch of missing scale.

"It will heal. I would be lying if I said it wasn't worth it." He grinned to ease the thickening atmosphere, watching her move to the small table by her bed to open the drawer. Gripping a small bottle she twisted the top and spilled a tiny blue tablet onto her palm. He observed her curiously when she popped it into her mouth and placed the bottle back, lifting the glass of water off her table, her eyes roamed over him from head to toe as she drank. Kolyat shifted and crossed his arms over his chest unashamed of his body, how hard he still was for her, more than willing to let her stare as long as she wanted.

"It's an anti-venom. The pill counteracts the toxin on your skin. My resistance is low again, and the shimmer of your skin looks like a waterfall right now, not to mention I'm seeing lights that I know aren't there."

"I wasn't going to ask. I just thought perhaps you were staring because you liked what you saw."

"Amongst other reasons."

She blinked at him slowly a grin creeping over her lips, placing the glass back upon the table she reached her hand out for him. Kolyat went to her willingly, no hesitation at her beckon, anything she wanted. Shepard grabbed his hand and pulled him to her, guiding him to sit on the bed beside her. Rising to her knees she straddled his waist, guiding him back towards the center of the bed lips touching his gingerly.

This time she was the one who explored him, tracing and licking, delving and tasting, he opened for her touch, hands caressing her thighs, her hips and back, until he was holding her to him, fingers trailing over her spine, tongue seeking hers once more. He felt her nails on the back of his head, raking down to his neck to steady herself upon his shoulders, head falling back when his lips trailed over her chest. Arching she sighed in content, his tongue lapping at those perfect hardened nipples, the beautiful peaks of her breasts, teeth grazing, liking how it made her moan.

He whispered her name against her skin feeling her body start to ignite again for him. Longing to feel the fires once more. She rubbed against his hardened length, his breath catching in his throat the moment her moistened folds stroked over his lubricated arousal. He grunted as he felt her arm slip between them, grasping his malehood in the palm of her hand, fingers struggling to close around his girth. Easily gliding off the frills on the underside of his sensitive shaft, his eyes slipping closed from the overwhelming sensation of her touch, lost in the currents of rapture as she pumped him slowly and precisely.

"Does it feel good?" She whispered squeezing the delicate head of him before trailing back down to his base.

"Fuck, yes." He said a little too eagerly feeling the soft laugh rumble deep within her chest.

"Stealing my words now?"

"For lack of better…Your skin…Your body…I've never felt anything so incredible." He tilted his head back to stare up at her, the different emotions swirling over her features. He wondered if she felt the same torrent of emotions swirling within her own chest as he did.

He succumbed to her touch, letting her learn him now, twisting and caressing, tightening her hold, rough to teasing, until he felt that familiar build of pressure at the base of his spine. His hips bucking on instinct, fingers digging into her hips, teeth sliding over a nipple. Guttural moans rumbling from his throat in bliss. Her free hand yanking the ridges on his head forcing his face up. Her lips devoured his again, kissing him deeply, tongue touching everything it could reach. She pumped him harder, her palm staying flat on the ribbing on his base, sending his pleasure rapidly towards the brink of completion.

"Wait…wait." He croaked between kisses causing Shepard to hesitate, her hand halting their ministrations.

"Are you ok?"

"More than." He gulped trying to catch his breath. "You're a little too good at that."

He watched her cheeks flush from his words, really starting to admire the crimson hue that spread over her skin like wildfire. She shifted her weight, feeling her folds trail over his length her hand guiding him into her as she sank down on him in excruciating slowness, until he was buried deep within her. Both of them groaned in enjoyment, his hands reaching for her hips to help guide her over him, finding a steady pace.

"I wasn't entirely sure if your species would be able to continue."

"What's the matter? Can't keep up?" Her voice sweet and teasing.

"All night if you want." He tilled eagerly.

She would be the first where he was more than willing. Kolyat grinned, reaching his hand between them. His thumb flicking the small nub above her opening. Her head flew back, a wanton moan coming from her mouth, feeling her walls tighten. He could feel the moisture pooling the more he stroked, enjoying every second.

"You feel incredible."

"I was going to say the same thing about you." His chest swelled with something he couldn't decipher. Something just felt right about this. He was starting to think she might have been thinking this too, by the way she stared down at him. He pushed into her harder, watching the way she lost herself in the sensation. She had wanted to lose herself in him, a night filled with pleasure but he could see this was a double edged blade. He wanted more, he wanted to lose himself too. He wanted her to be consumed by what he could offer. He wanted to touch every part of her.

This wasn't about sex, he was making love to her, and her sighs...Sweet Arashu.

He was showing her how it could be between them. If she continued to give him the chance past tonight. He could show her what it meant to be his woman. Wanted, desired, worshipped, happy...loved. Words and desires he wasn't yet willing to voice...but he could show them. He would give her his soul if she asked it...and he wanted hers in return.

He would find it for her...and then claim it as his own.

 _I will make sure tonight is just the beginning._

He pushed into her again and again, kissing her more fiercely, until he heard it. His name on her lips bringing him away from dangerous thoughts not ready to be admitted. Her quivering body and sighs left her lips like an angel's song. So beautiful, so mesmerizing. That simple whimper of such deep longing undoing him. He had never heard a woman moan his name like that...like a promise; a benediction; a prayer.

It was not the last time she had said it that night.

It was not the last time he had chanted hers in return.

* * *

The sound of roaring waters and rushing waves slipped away into a steady stream of beeps and clicks. His body felt like stone, fingers twitching, lids battling the weight that sealed them shut. He sucked in a shallow breath, chest rattling air with burning fire.

His head fell limply to the side, eyes sliding open, blurry images and blinding light before a silhouette came into focus beside him. Shimmering red, black and dark purple, blurred into ripples of swirling hues. Colors he had not seen since childhood.

 _Red...how?_

He blinked several times, patiently waiting for them to adjust, until it finally became easier, bright lights dimming and coming into focus. Another drell laid beside him. The shimmer of scales and pulsing lights. Several moments and he finally willed his hand to move, fingers reaching for the others wrist, fingers slipping to the pulse point.

 _Barely alive. Where am I?_

He couldn't smell, could barely see, the beeping in his ears muddled and wrong. Nothing was familiar, nothing seemed right. He remembered sand and warmth, waiting, Irikah's face, then...darkness. Was it a dream? Who was beside him? Was he still in Huerta? He took a deep crackling breath, his chest convulsing and seizing, pain sharp and numbing, freezing him amidst the memories he was unable to pull upon. He was suffocating, and he thought he had already experienced this. Maybe the anticipation had made him think otherwise. This was his moment to swim to Kalahira's shore. No more pain, his suffering over. He would be ready, and he would wait for her.

 _Shepard._

He forced his eyes open as muffled footsteps echoed with the approach of waves. Kolyat. Shepard. They were here with him. A presence leaned into him, hot breath on his cheek. Not familiar. Not his Siha. Not Kolyat.

"It's too soon. You are not ready yet, Mr. Krios."

A sharp pain in his neck. A needle? His eyes flew open to glance around, anything to give him some indication of the voice, the place, circumstances or clue. A woman's guttural laugh. Not anyone he knew. Empty and cold. Blurry eyesight coming into focus one last time before darkness overtook him.

The symbol of Cerberus in his peripheral.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

She had fallen asleep on his chest, hand draped over his torso, fingertips traced over his heart. She had curled the length of her body flush against his side, one leg thrown over his, perfection to wake up or fall asleep by. In Kolyat's case, he had done neither. He had kept himself propped against her pillows refusing to let sleep claim him, wanting to commit every second to memory, every touch, a willing scar forever burned on his soul.

He wanted to wait until the last possible second, refusing to disturb her, now aware of how much sleep she had been avoiding previously. Kolyat also knew he had worn her out, greedy and unrelenting, endlessly pushing her through those long sweet hours towards early morning. He had wanted her to forget herself for the night. He had loved every second of it; every sound; every touch, and he could hear it in her voice too, the way she wanted him, urging his moans and purrs in return. He had cherished how willing she had become with him. Her new openness giving him hope for the morning after. Shepard's pleads and cries encouraging him to the point of lust like no other, until she was completely sated in dreamless sleep. Just the thought of it now giving him need to bury himself back inside her. Envelope himself in her heavenly heat, taste that sweet tongue back on his.

Kolyat glanced at his omnitool and frowned at the time. He had to leave soon and he didn't want to, tried to think of any excuse to make him linger but knew that he couldn't. _Sweet Goddess._ This was completely new territory for him. Usually he would just easily move on. He never wanted to bother, never wanted to hold anyone or attempt conversation in hopes of something growing into more than a one night stand.

Not with her though. It could never be like that with her. One touch would never be enough. He didn't want to leave her side.

Taking another minute he brushed the back of his finger over the gentle swell of her cheek, the curve of her jaw, wanting to bind every detail to memory. Pulling his hand slowly up, he trailed his tips through her hair, fingers parting the silky mass to run down her back, prolonged against her softness before pulling them away regretfully. Carefully, he slid her hand off himself, one last fleeting thought of how right she felt against his scales before he started to slip away. Holding her body as light as possible he guided her against the pillows, untangling himself from the blankets, trying to decide what to do. Wake her or leave without? She must have been exhausted if she had not woken yet from his touch.

He stared at her silently, her pale skin, her beautiful hair. Wild and curled upon the light grey sheets. He had fisted those tendrils, buried his nose in them; drowned in their softness; drowned in her scent; drowned in her body; lost himself in her aura. It had never been so good, so real. The need to feel her skin beneath his lips again taking precedent in his thoughts. He blinked rapidly doing his best to break the spell this alien creature seemed to have over him. He had never felt like this before, never wanted to stay, never felt the heaviness in his stomach from the thought of being apart from someone.

It was terrifying and amazing at the same time.

Kolyat glanced at the gun peeking out from beneath her pillow, the urge to steal her bullets making his hands twitch in necessity. Would she still try to kill herself? Should he take her weapon? He doubted it was the only one she had.

 _No..._

He cared about her. That meant he had to show that he trusted her. He had to believe in her because he… Kolyat shook his head chasing away the words he shouldn't admit from forming. The thought still too raw and new. He couldn't, not yet. He wasn't ready. _She_ wasn't ready.

Clasping his hands together he did a quick prayer to the Goddess to watch over her and guide her during his absence before turning silently to carefully making his way through her hallway. He tip toed over broken glass and plaster, wood and dust, avoiding broken shelves and shattered debris while he made his way through the apartment gathering his clothes thrown upon the living room floor.

Dressing quickly his gazed lingered upon the ground, his movements more mechanical as his mind stayed on the woman still asleep in her bed. He frowned sadly. A heavy unbearable feeling filling his stomach with apprehension, his gaze going back to the darkened corridor just as he finished adjusting his holster in place. He didn't want to leave her. Not like this. Not like a mirror of the nameless women who came before. No one could ever compare now. Nothing would ever be the same. _He_ would never be the same.

Kolyat knew had grown accustomed to sneaking out, never wanting to bother with the morning after, never caring to see any of them again. He let out a rough breath of annoyance, running his hand over the top of his head ridges, thinking about what he wanted to do. The choices that were presented to him. The scenarios of what would happen when she awoke. How she would feel towards him.

Taking a steady breath he opened his omnitool deciding to send her a message, taking a moment to gather his thoughts, hesitating in anxiety as he apologized and assured her that he would be back. To stay safe and to take it easy today if she could. He closed the program and sent it to her extranet address, hoping she would open it upon waking and not think the worst beforehand.

 _Please stay safe._

* * *

Kolyat clicked his locker open and immediately hung his jacket, glancing at his omnitool for the tenth time with two different motives. One, for watching the time with relief as he made it to the station on time, and two, in hopes of receiving a notification from Shepard. The second had yet to occur.

Biting back the sting of disappointment Kolyat carefully unlatched his shoulder holster, finally taking notice of the discomfort from his scales on the skycab over. The leather material rubbing over his missing skin turning the dull ache more palpable. Grimacing, he removed his shirt. Feeling the cotton material wetly stick for a moment before he was able to peel it away. He turned toward his mirror glancing over his shoulder to assess the damage more thoroughly. A large scratch over his shoulder blade now freshly bleeding from a few dislodges plates and two lighter scratches, one on each side. Kolyat fought a grin from forming, releasing a snort of acceptance as he grabbed the medkit, forcing down the memory of how he received the scratch from surfacing.

If he had a chance to receive any more, they would be well worth it.

"Did you get cut in her apartment?" Keston's voice sounded, catching his attention, making him sober immediately.

Kolyat remained quiet as he rummaged through his medkit until he found the medigel. Placing everything back in his locker he hesitated when Keston held out his hand and flexed his fingers to hand it over.

"Let me help."

"I can do it." Kolyat spoke pointedly making the human male frown in irritation.

"Don't be a dick so early in the morning. You're not going to be able to reach it all."

Keston's voice held an edge of anger while he chastised him evenly, making Kolyat hesitate from his quick unneeded anger. Taking a breath he mentally checked himself knowing the human male really was trying to help.

"You're just looking for an excuse to touch me." He answered gently trying to lighten the rising tension.

"You figured it out." Keston fake sulked, snatching the gel from Kolyat's hand to move around him, cracking the lid.

Sucking in a harsh breath, Kolyat stared at Keston's serious gaze as he focused and slathered a small amount over the series of ripped scales. "Did you even wash your hands?" He gasped when Keston grazed a sensitive spot.

"Right before I took a shit and then decided to put this medigel on your back."

Kolyat frowned and shook his head clenching his teeth in discomfort as his skin pulled and mended together, Keston's finger running down the last scratch with another tiny dose of gel.

"You know this kinda looks like..." Keston's voice trailed off when he took a step back meeting his eyes in the reflection of the mirror. Kolyat swallowed roughly feeling his frills heat and expand, heart stopping as a slow smile crept over the other males mouth in silent knowing. He had already figured it out. How could he not after what he had witnessed last night?

"Don't say it…" Kolyat growled in warning, anger once again rising. Keston snickered and crossed his arms. Looking down he shook his head in amusement to hide his laugh.

"Yeah...they do that sometimes. Especially if it's good."

"So it's never happened to you then?" Kolyat snapped quickly, turning to grab the medigel tube from Keston's hands and bury it back in his locker. Kolyat fumed silently, once again wondering why he was getting aggravated so quickly. He had never been bothered by any of the women he had been with in the past. Then again they had meant nothing to him, just a way to pass the time. With Shepard though...this was something entirely different. Something he wanted to treasure and covet. Something he was not ready to explore with others willingly.

"Ouch, someone's cranky. What's the matter? Didn't get any sleep?"

Kolyat growled again loudly and threw his shirt at the annoying male who laughed and swatted the material, catching it haphazardly. "I need you to stop. I do not wish to discuss it." He rumbled with an edge of caution. He really wasn't in the mood to be teased right now, especially because everything was still unknown. All he wanted to do was go back and be with her. Figure it out; give himself a moment to wrap his head around last night.

Keston came up beside him and leaned against the lockers, his expression sobering as he regarded his demeanor. Kolyat snickered as he watched him wipe his hands on his shirt, snorting in distaste as the male threw the balled up shirt into his locker.

"You know, something has really been bothering me about this whole thing."

Kolyat sighed and caught his eyes before glancing around the locker room to make sure they were alone. "Just ask."

"How the fuck did you even get mixed up with her in the first place?"

Kolyat swallowed roughly and looked down, unsure of what to say. He avoided Keston's scrutinizing gaze as he grabbed his tailored uniform shirt, slowly throwing it over his shoulders and arms. He tested out the newly healed skin on his back, feeling the pull and shift of his back muscles. In a few days his scales would grow back and it would have been like nothing ever happened. He hoped it was just his scales and not his time with Shepard itself. Just as he was clasping the last button at his throat and smoothing down any lingering wrinkles did he hear the male beside him sigh in defeat, realizing Kolyat wasn't going to answer him.

"Fine, I get why you don't want to say anything but…she's okay though, right? I mean how we found her…she's the butcher of Torfan for fucks sake. She took down Saren, a God damn thresher maw. I heard she took down the Collector's. She's a hero, a legend even…the things she's done…I would have never expected to find her like-"

"She's still a person." Kolyat cut him off sharply. "Everyone always seems to forget that. They only see what she's done. What she's capable of. What she's accomplished and what they can get out of her. No one understands that she's still mortal. She has fears; hopes and dreams. She still feels pain. Just like the rest of us."

Kolyat slammed his locker shut in anger starting to quickly latch his hip holster around his waist and upper thigh. That was the problem, no one truly understood that no matter what she had done, how much she had accomplished or survived, there were still repercussions. Still pain and regret. Still loss…

"Ah, shit man…" He heard Keston breath out heavily running his hand through his hair pulling at it, making it stick up haphazardly. A mannerism he did when he was at a loss or unsure of himself. "Fuck, I'm sorry. I didn't realize…I mean I had my suspicions but…I've known you for over a year and I've never seen you like this with anyone before. When I saw the two of you last night…I can't believe it's her of all people."

Kolyat hesitated as Keston's words sunk in. His observations and thoughts reflecting the same uncertainty he felt inside. What was happening between them? Was it real? Would she view it as much? He knew what he felt and it scared the shit out of him, but he knew he would do whatever he could to make sure she was ok.

 _Even if she doesn't want me the way I want her._

He swallowed down the pain taking root deep in his chest. The dull ache spreading out like a vine of disease and doubt, his voice dropping to a hushed whisper. Uncertainty rippling through his frills uncontrollably.

Keston." Kolyat murmured bringing the male's attention back towards himself. "What happened last night…we…" He swallowed roughly and grimaced, gaze falling towards the floor.

"I don't even know if there is a 'we' yet. I need your discretion on this. This has to remain quiet, unnecessary attention-"

"I got you man. Trust me. I got you. I won't say anything."

Kolyat grew quiet and rubbed his eyes wearily letting out a heavy breath as he nodded in quiet acceptance. He shouldn't have doubted him. Keston would have his back, he had to learn to trust more.

"When are you going to see her again?"

"After I finish up here. I just don't know how long the Captain will keep me. He didn't exactly specify when he called me in." Kolyat smiled thinly rubbing the back of his neck as dread creeped into his thoughts. What if Bailey called him in to tell him his application fell through? Was it even right for him to feel so conflicted? Detective meant everything to him, but now fleeting thoughts started making him wonder if Shepard was starting to mean more. Every muscle tensed with the need to walk out and go back to her.

 _No...Focus. She wouldn't want me to fail. She believes. I should too._

Kolyat checked the time once again. No message from Shepard but he still had some time before his meeting. Pushing down the nervousness starting to bubble in his stomach, he grabbed the datapad he placed on the bench behind him and glanced at the doorway in apprehension. Keston's hand on his shoulder brought his attention away from his rising anxiety, a slight squeeze meant to reassure and give comfort.

"You got this Kolyat. Think positive. I'm sure the Captain has good news for you."

"I hope so too, and thanks."

"I'll call you later?"

Kolyat nodded and took one final breath before he gathered his resolve and made his way out of the locker room towards the stations main center.

He remained quiet, nodding politely to people who waved or said hello as they passed. Even remaining civil to Alana as she frowned at him and averted her gaze back to her screen. Taking a deep breath he paused outside the Captain's door and squared his shoulders before moving into the sensors releasing the panels.

Bailey was sitting at his desk, immediately looking up as he came in, several datapads, papers and files opened and tossed chaotically in front of him. Kolyat glanced at the two chairs which sat facing his desk, freezing in mid-step noticing another human male turn to look at him as he entered.

He blinked slowly and assessed the other human. Light brown hair with golden hues, the color that humans sometimes referred to as 'dirty blond'. It was short on the sides and thick on top, brushed up and back to give it a large amount of volume. His face was narrow with a perfect triangle nose and a sharp chin covered in facial hair that was neither thick nor short. It was his eyes though that caught Kolyat's immediate attention. Piercing light blue orbs that seemed to catch everything that passed over them, shrewdness and perfect acuity staring back at him openly, a slight grin catching his lips when their eyes met longer than was considered polite.

"I am early. My apologies. I will come back." He spoke politely tearing his gaze away from the other human to glance at Bailey.

"No, son. Come in and take a seat. Lock the door behind you." He gestured to the remaining empty chair.

Kolyat nodded and did as he was told. Entering completely he signaled the locking mechanism, watching the green indicator turn red and with it the hammering of his heartbeat. He ignored the male beside him who crossed one of his ankles over his knee and sat back in the chair comfortably, shaking it lightly as he fidgeted, lacing his fingers together to rest them on his stomach. Kolyat did his best not to give in to curiosity and voice his inquiry of the other male. If Bailey called him here too, there had to be a reason. After a few moments of silence, Bailey finally decide to speak.

"You could have told me you were interested in becoming a detective." He voiced softly, eyes hard but kind.

Kolyat hesitated and glanced at the human next to him in uncertainty. Not entirely sure who this male was or what he could say in front of him. As if sensing his reason for silence Bailey nodded and spoke.

"It would be best if you answer openly and honestly in front of Officer Graham."

Kolyat paused and glanced at the officer beside him as he gathered his thoughts. The dark blond male smiling patiently as he stopped fidgeting to listen to him speak.

"Captain...You were the one who gave me the opportunity for the internship. I didn't want you to think you owed me anything… for any reason that you may think of, and end up pushing my application through. I kept my plans from you because I didn't want connections, friends, or even voices of ridicule to deter me, or push me towards what I decided to do. I wanted to do it on my own and earn it the right way. I studied really hard for the test. I took it in hopes that...perhaps I could make a difference. That…not everyone can remain lost forever."

In his peripheral he saw the human male smile softly and nod as he listened to Kolyat's honest words. He even saw Bailey's expression soften as he adjusted a few documents and datapads on his desk.

"I'm proud of you son. You've come a long way. I wish there were more who had your aptitude of bettering themselves the right way."

"Thank you Captain. It…means a lot to me that you thought I was worth the chance. I thank you for the opportunity you gave me."

Bailey cleared his throat and nodded in acceptance. "Well that aside, this isn't why I called you here today."

"Of course. Was I called in for you to let me know if I passed the Detective Exam then?" Kolyat asked as the human male turned towards him and grinned widely, eyes sparkling in friendly warmth. Just by looking into his bright blue eyes, Kolyat could already tell that he was one of the good ones.

"Oh, you passed all right. One of the highest damn scores we've seen in a while." The man chuckled, watching Kolyat release a loud breath of relief as he sat back more comfortably against his chair. His head spinning with the possibilities and choices opening up in his career now. He had passed the exam, his future was starting to look a little brighter.

"So here's how this works Kolyat." Bailey said sharply cutting his thoughts off and bringing his attention back to his Captain.

"During the examination you took a psychological and personality profiling assessment that accompanied the written procedures and protocol test. After everything is reviewed by C-Sec, a list is generated to the Detective divisions that have openings. Your results from all the different investigations are compiled and compared to those who have put in a request for a partner. They are then cross referenced to the active officer to make sure strengths and weaknesses are compatible along with the personality and psychological assessments."

"So I'm in the assessment process right now to find out where I will be placed?" Kolyat asked in interest wondering how long the process would take. Gathering his thoughts on all the testing he had done.

"Actually-" Graham tried to say but quieted when Bailey held up his hand to continue speaking.

"Once everything is cross referenced the matching officers are given your file and gathered to discuss who would like to take you on as their partner. Sometimes it could be one person that's a match, sometimes several. The officer who decides to take you as their partner will be your mentor and train you for the next eighteen months. If everything works out, then you'll be in it for the long haul. Remember kid, a partner is someone you are willing to give your life for. You're a team and need to work together. It's like a marriage, you have to be able to count on the other. It's important that your personality profile and psychological match. You might both see things from different points of view, and that's needed to solve cases. You might see something that your partner might miss and the same thing goes for your partner for you."

Kolyat nodded quickly in rising excitement. "I understand. I am willing to make it work. How long will this process take before I am matched with someone? I'll start at sixth division, right?"

"Sixth division? Don't tell me you really think you're going to start that low? Give yourself some credit." The human male stood up and looked down at him smirking broadly, shoving his thumbs into his jean pockets making them ride low on his lean hips. Kolyat frowned up at Graham which made the human only grin wider. Who the hell was this guy? Why the hell was he even here?

"You didn't lie when you said he didn't hold back his expressions. You know exactly how he feels right away. What he's thinking."

"He has potential. He'll learn." Bailey answered rising from his seat catching his gaze. "Officer Graham is going to take over. Come and find me when you're done talking."

Kolyat blinked in dismay as he watched Bailey leave the room without a second glance leaving them alone. As soon as the door closed and locked, Officer Graham clapped his hands together in excitement grabbing his attention.

"Finally! I was starting to get antsy. So, Kolyat Krios, right?" Kolyat nodded in confirmation giving his full attention to the human before him, making sure to commit every detail of this male to memory.

"So…I guess first thing's first. I should introduce myself. My name is Detective Lukas Graham. It's a pleasure to finally meet you in person, Officer Krios."

The man held his hand out politely and Kolyat stood to take it, shaking it firmly before giving a slight bow courteously. When he righted himself Lukas gestured for him to take a seat again a kind smile blanketing his lips.

"I have to inform you before anything that I was one of the Detectives who was presented with your case file. Believe it or not your test results crossed over to a few of us in different divisions. Your scores were very impressive to say the least. You got quite a few heads to turn, especially being the first Drell to ever be allowed into C-Sec, and now the first to be awarded Detective. I voiced my interest to be allowed to work with you, very loudly I might add."

Kolyat's eyes widened in interest. Was this guy for real? Was this really happening? He was going to be a Detective, and this guy was…

"In the end the board accepted my bid and matched us as partners. I can't express enough how excited I am to be able to work with you, and to be the one to train you over the next eighteen months, hopefully longer if it works out. However, you still have a choice."

Lukas picked up a datapad off Bailey's desk and handed it over to Kolyat who took it gingerly still trying to wrap his head around what was happening. Not only did he make Detective, he had a partner that was standing in front of him, excited and willing to be the one to train him. Kolyat glanced down at the pad and clicked on the first file upon the screen. A picture of Lukas immediately appearing along with a listing of his combat and field training expertise.

"I know you probably need some time to decide for yourself. If you want, you can keep my file's and review them for a little while, think it over if you need to. Ask me any questions you think of, I will answer them to the best of my ability. I'm not asking for us to be best friends, but I want us to be open and honest with one another. This is a relationship of trust and acceptance and I do not want a partner who is not willing to have that. I refuse to work with anyone less. So, let's ask a simple question…your files said you were single, is this true? Are you dating anyone right now?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" Kolyat glanced up in confusion doing his best not to get defensive. His mind immediately going to Shepard and what had happened between them last night.

"Simple statistics. You are listed with no siblings and no living parents. No family on the Citadel. Individuals who are also single are more reckless or prone to make rash decisions. That is why I am asking. Please be honest with your answer."

"I…" Kolyat swallowed roughly and looked away trying to decide what to say. After a moment he sighed in acceptance and met Graham's piercing gaze. He had a feeling even if he did decide to lie, Lukas would see right through it.

"I'm interested in someone right now but…it's complicated. We're trying to figure it out and we still need some time. I have no siblings. My mother passed away when I was young…my dad passed away last year. Kepral's Syndrome."

"I am sorry for your loss. I did read that it was recent. It must have been hard for you."

"I'm ok now. Are you…single?"

Lukas grinned again and moved towards Bailey's desk, his expression brightening in happiness. "No. I recently moved in with my girlfriend Amy Andrews. My major concern is getting home to her at the end of the day. I need a partner who will play it smart and not jeopardize my chances of that happening."

"I think you just wanted an excuse to talk about your girlfriend." Kolyat grinned softly making Lukas laugh in delight.

"Damn, you caught me."

"Your concern is understandable, but isn't that the reason for your training? So I can learn to 'play it smart' so we can both get home safely?"

The human male smiled and nodded, leaning against Bailey's desk as Kolyat glanced back down at the file continuing to read, scrolling through the different folders. Everything was here, personality traits; background; careers; education; family history; hobbies, how spare time was spent…

 _What the hell is karaoke?_

There was even a complete background on his girlfriend in the file. Amy Andrews, age twenty-five, worked at a clothing boutique and designed dresses for private clientele, graduated college with a fashion degree. _Wait a minute…_ Lukas Graham, age twenty-six; Detective Third Class; Special Investigations Unit.

 _Holy Shit._

"Third Class?" Kolyat looked up and asked in surprise watching Lukas nod solemnly.

"Special Investigations Unit. We handle homicides, death threats, missing persons, slave trades, kidnappings, illegal drug or firearm deals, the list goes on. You know, the fun stuff."

"But do you think I'm ready for third class? I never expected to start that high. I don't have the proper experience or-"

"Trust me…if I didn't think you could handle it, we wouldn't even be having this conversation. Do you have any other concerns with anything else in my file so far?"

Kolyat kept reading. Awards he won, investigations he finished, backgrounds of other family members and friends he hung out with. So much information but something vital was missing for him. A knowledge that Kolyat felt he needed to discover. A piece that made him want to connect with the male before him.

"There is one thing that is important that seems to be missing from your file."

"And that is?"

Kolyat closed the files on the datapad and looked up at Lukas. "Why did you want to become a Detective? What was your reason?"

"I don't see how that's relevant." He answered smoothly, blue eyes darkening as he studied him carefully.

"You said you wanted honesty. It's relevant to me, and I would like to know.

Lukas crossed his arms over his chest and looked at the ground for a moment thinking deeply. Was he trying to decide if he wanted to tell him or not? After a moment Lukas closed his eyes and sighed deeply, taking another minute before he met his gaze carefully, his voice dropping in confession.

"My dad was a drunk…his favorite hobby was to beat on me and my mom. One particular night my mom finally had enough and she tried to fight back. I came home from school and found him sitting at the kitchen table with a knife, drinking while my mother was laying on the floor bleeding. All the blood…I thought she was dead. He grabbed me and pushed me up the stairs. Told me to stay up there and keep quiet or he would kill me too."

Kolyat shifted in his seat dreading the end of the story the way it hit close to his own childhood. However, the file said his parents were still alive and married, living on Earth.

"I thought she was dead…I thought he would kill me too. I was terrified. I never felt so helpless."

"How old were you?"

"Eight." Lukas looked at Kolyat, his gaze hard and earnest as he felt his throat turn to dry sand.

"I climbed out of my bedroom window and ran to try and find help. I glanced behind me every three seconds so sure my dad was behind me the whole time ready to kill me. I ended up running into an Officer that was on patrol nearby…he helped us a lot. My dad was arrested and my mom was placed in intensive care. I was put in foster care until she recovered. The family who I stayed with was a friend of that Officer's and he came to visit me every day…and my mom too. He told me I was very brave for finding him. He said 'bravery is the capacity to preform properly when scared half to death.' His words stuck with me."

"He made an impression on you." Kolyat murmured trying not to slip into the memories of his own shortcomings. He had never been so brave. He had been too scared to move and find help. Stuck behind walls until…

 _'You're so incredibly brave. Many people would have been broken from that.'_

 _'I was…for a long time.'_

Kolyat blinked quickly to stop the solipsism from starting, his mind slipping back to a moment from the night prior. Lukas smiled gently but didn't question the whispers from his lips.

"The officer's name was Detective Arnold Graham. After my mother healed they became friends. When the divorce was finalized and my father incarcerated they started dating. Eventually married, had a child. They live on Earth, my sister is thirteen now. You could already figure out I changed my last name. My mom, stepdad and sister are all in the file, but my first dad…he's not mentioned. Neither is my childhood. They try not to make too many cops out of kids with violent pasts."

"And you're ok with admitting this to me?"

Lukas's gaze darkened considerably as he assessed Kolyat critically. His intense eyes were something he would have to get used to. He had seen Shepard and his father with that same look. Like they could see right through you. He wondered with the proper training, if he would eventually have a similar gaze. He wanted this male to teach him. He felt as if it was a good match.

"You said it was important to you. That means it has to be important to me. Honesty Kolyat. I mean it. I do not plan on having multiple partners in my life. If I make a decision I stick with it, I see things through. I never deviate. My last partner retired. Married an Asari named Thiera, moved to Thessia to start a family. That's all in my file too. I've been without another partner for over a year because I didn't find anyone who I thought I would fit with. There was something about you that clicked and made me want to work with you. Bailey said it the best. This is like a marriage…if I'm going to have your back...If I'm going to trust you to have mine…I want to believe in you. I want to know you. I want you to know me… I'll give my life for you if I have to. I ask the same in return, no less."

Kolyat's eyes widened his eyelids flickering nervously. He felt as if his whole life was about to completely change. All the things that happened in the last couple of weeks crashing down on him in a single moment. All of his hopes, the pain of the past, a new chance, a new life. Was this his awakening? The Goddess's path to lead him to his future? This male as his guide? Would Shepard be with him?

"Do me a favor…" Lukas smiled looking down, shoving his thumbs back into his pocket. "Just don't repeat this story to anyone. Other than the people involved, Amy is the only other person to know that about me."

"Not even your last partner?"

"Especially not James." Lukas snorted grinning widely. "He was a good guy. A great mentor but…I was too scared for him to know. Like he would view me differently or something."

"I can relate." Kolyat admitted.

"So…Kolyat. You have me curious now to ask. Why do you want to become a detective? Why did you want to be a cop? Did you just want to prove a point and be the first Drell? Are you trying to make a statement for your species…or is there more? I'm not going to sugar coat it, your file…there's something really off about it. No one is that cut and dry. I know I'm taking a chance here."

Kolyat placed the datapad on Bailey's desk trying to make his decision. Was he ready to let someone else know his past? Was he able to trust someone he just met, no matter how earnest they seemed? Where should he even begin?

"My dad…he was trained as a child by the Hanar. Our species consider it a great honor."

"The Compact…I did some research on Drell society before we met, customs, traditions, religion. I wanted to know more about you and your cultural background, in case I did something stupid and offensive during our meeting. Like if I shook your hand and it meant 'go fuck yourself' or something. That would suck."

Kolyat smiled and chuckled as Lukas grinned at him. "We do shake hands, a habit we picked up from your race. Drell's normally don't touch people they are unfamiliar with. We bow in respect, only touch one another if we are close or family. Use honorific's when addressing those we don't know to be polite. We picked up many habits from the Hanar."

"So…basically I did tell you to go fuck yourself."

Kolyat smiled as they shared a small laugh before the smile fell again as he thought back to his childhood, taking a moment before meeting Graham's gaze. "Our childhoods are similar. We are both circumstances of our experiences."

Lukas clenched his teeth, his jaw flexing while his eyes raged emotions held in check as Kolyat's words sunk in. He was patient as he waiting for him to speak again and Kolyat hoped his trust would not be misplaced.

"I was also eight when…my mother was murdered. My father was away on a job. Someone paid the shadow broker to find out who he was, and sent someone after us."

"The shadow broker?" Lukas murmured eyes narrowing as several questions flashed over his features. "Why…How did you survive if someone was sent for you?"

"My mother hid me when she sensed the stranger. I…watched the whole thing from a hiding spot I was stuck in, until the authorities were able to get me out. The man killed her, would have killed me too if I didn't remain silent."

"Because of your father?"

Kolyat nodded before answering. "My father…he was an assassin. Trained by the Hanar as a child. He was one of the best, or so I heard, but I didn't know until I got older. His enemies paid the broker and sent someone after us because they were too scared to go after him directly. He disappeared after my mother's funeral." Kolyat took a deep breath and paused knowing Lukas was waiting for him to continue.

"When I turned eighteen, the inheritance he left me came through. I found out who he was, what he had done. He had tracked down and killed every person responsible for my mother's death. I thought…I thought I could follow in his footsteps. I ended up taking a few jobs…eventually I ended up on the Citadel."

"You became a hired killer?"

"No…I became a weapon. I took contracts and follow through with my employers will. Drell view their bodies as separate from their souls. I wasn't the one who made the choice to kill."

"I read about that. Even though you did the act, you were following an agreed upon exchange of services. In taking a contract, you weren't the one committing the act."

Kolyat blinked up at Lukas in surprise. Not many knew about Drell customs and beliefs. It was welcome yet unexpected. Lukas had really done research on him before their meeting. He willingly wanted to understand him, wanted to accept and know him. He was telling the truth.

"As a cop I don't agree with it but I do understand your views. So continue…how did you end up working for C-Sec? How did you end up wanting to be a detective?"

"I took a contract on the Citadel. I was supposed to assassinate a politician. However, right when I was about to kill him…my father found me…stopped me. The distraction was enough, I was caught and the Captain arrested me for attempted murder."

"And how are you _not_ in prison?"

Kolyat grinned at Lukas. "How else? A cover up."

"That simple huh? You try to kill a politician and suddenly you're a cop? That's only done with connections and power. What kind of friends do you have?"

"Not me. My father. His connections were able to get me Council Support for my employment."

Lukas let out a loud breath and laughed heartlessly. "That's one hell of an exclusion. Was Bailey involved?"

"And a few others, yes. I was given two choices. Prison, or C-Sec intern monitored closely by the Captain. However, after my sentence finished, I decided to stay. Instead of being the one to destroy lives, I wanted to be the one to protect those from ending up like I almost did. You and I both got lucky…we were able to meet people who made an impression on us. There are many who will never get that chance. Not to sound cliché but, I hope one day I can be like your stepdad, or like the people who guided me to where I am now. I hope I can inspire someone to be better than who they are. That's why I want to be a detective. So the question now is, do you still want to work with me after knowing all of this? Will you trust me?"

Lukas stayed quiet and stared at him. Kolyat could see the thoughts swirling over the man's face, he was deliberating about what he wanted to do. Did he still think he was worth the effort?

"Thank you for telling me about your past."

"Thank you for telling me about yours." Kolyat answered easily. Lukas blinked slowly and then snorted a crisp chuckle before nodding in agreement.

"I really have a good feeling about this. Yes…I want to work with you. I hope you feel the same." Lukas stood up straight and held his hand out for Kolyat to shake. He grinned and stood from his chair, taking the man's hand firmly in his. Lukas suddenly blinked and looked down at their hands in alarm.

"Crap, was I supposed to bow or something?"

"Your fine. I would like to accept you as my partner." Kolyat said seriously but Lukas only grinned wider and then slapped his other hand over the back of Kolyat's in eagerness making him smile back.

"Great! Are you sure?"

Kolyat nodded again and Lukas grinned and laughed a little louder in glee. "This is great! I can't wait to tell Amy. This is gonna be great. Seriously, great. I finally have a partner again…Good, good…well, okay!"

Kolyat chuckled as they released each other's hands and at how excited the other male became at the opportunity to work with him. Lukas took a step back and grinned once more, turning to Bailey's desk he grabbed a small box and placed it in his hand.

"This is awesome. I get to give this to you now."

Kolyat opened the small box curiously confused by what it could be, his breath stopping in his throat as soon as he saw the contents; chest swelling in pride. Relief and happiness flooded his thoughts making him till low in sought after achievement. He ran a finger down the gold metal tentatively, his name and ID number staring back at him. The perfectly carved words and symbols of a higher ranking detective something he never thought he would ever see together. Lukas's voice barely registered through this moment of self-worth. All of his hard work…He had made it.

"Detective Kolyat Krios, Third Class Special Investigations Unit...Welcome to the force."

* * *

Her body felt like stone, head foggy and full of cobwebs as she forced herself awake. Shepard opened her eyes slowly staring at the wall on the far side of the room. She hadn't expected to see another day. Hadn't expected to be waking up in her bed, the warmth of her blankets wrapped around her body. Her very, naked body…

The memory of last night hit her hard as she blinked the edges of sleep away recalling what had happened. Kolyat had appeared and he had talked her down from the edges of despair. How did he know? A few more moments and she would have pulled the trigger…perhaps fate had other plans for her.

She had been so sure she had heard Thane's voice calling to her. Thought it was him through her tears, green turning into blue hues…a new horizon of oceans touched by sunlight. The quiver in his voice, the emotion in his eyes. He said he had needed her. She didn't want to believe him but the sincerity in his vocals had made her hesitate. He had mirrored words to her from her dream.

Was last night even real or another moment lost in illusion? Did her mind make it up to prevent her from ending it? Did it use Kolyat because of her conflicted feelings for him?

Slowly she turned over wondering if she would find the man in question beside her. She reached her hand out to the empty space, sheets laid gently, bed still warm. Had it been real? What they had done? What she had felt? His passion as he learned her body…her need for him to allow herself to be lost. His lips upon her wrist.

Shepard forced herself to push down the hollow feeling taking root inside her. Did she really expect him to be here when she awoke? Tentatively she reached her hand out to touch the bed sheets again. Did he just leave? She didn't sense anyone else in the apartment with her. Mixed feelings started to seize her chest at what his absence could imply. The practical and the shallow.

Pulling herself up to a sitting position she glanced at the gun peeking out from beneath her pillows, knowing right away that Kolyat wouldn't have missed it. The fact that it remained untouched alerted her to his trust in her. He believed in her.

Maybe he had gone to work? Maybe his sweet words were used to hide his known habit of sleeping and running? No, he had always been honest.

 _You're not giving him a chance. He begged you for one._

She sighed and covered her face with her hands before running them through her hair. She remembered his fingers on her body, his tongue on her skin, and the strength of him as he surged into her. The pleasure and taste of his mouth. How amazing and patient he had been to her, cautious but intense and harsh. She had loved every second, had begged him for more. He had been more than generous.

Shepard bit her lip as she felt her face warm from remembering what he had done. What they had done. An innocent kiss unraveling into something that threatened to consume her. She had wanted him to, God how she had wanted him to.

When he had confessed to her about Irikah she had not been surprised. She had always had her suspicions but hearing him in his memory, feeling his body begin to shake beneath her hands, his heartbeat fluttering wildly, everything had finally seemed to fit. His attitude, how he viewed the world, how he viewed himself. No child should ever have to go through that.

At the age of seven she had been at the pinnacle of enjoying her childhood. Her older sister Jane had started dating and teased her mercilessly because of her infatuation with her father's friends. They would come home from missions and she would soak everything up they had to tell her about the ships and training for the Alliance. Her mother had been pregnant with the twins and all of her extra time had been in helping with the nursery. At eight, she had been surrounded by love and happiness, guidance and belief. Kolyat's whole world had been destroyed.

The flashing indicator on her omnitool caught her attention, dragging her from her thoughts. Clicking it open, her heart fluttered nervously as Kolyat's name came upon the message a smile blanketing her lips. The message was sent an hour prior.

His face came upon the screen as she opened it, Kolyat's dark eyes staring at the screen softly. The blue of his eyes lost in the darkness of the room, the dull sheen of his scales alerting her to the fact that he might not have slept. He had been in her living room when he sent the message. She sighed noticing the broken windows behind him.

Shepard I…" He started, pausing to shake his head and take a deep breath. He closed his eyes for a moment as if trying to gather his thoughts before looking back at the omnitool, his gaze gentle and sincere.

"Sarah…forgive me for not being there when you awake. If given any other choice I would have remained with you until you said otherwise. You seemed to be sleeping peacefully and I did not wish to disturb you."

He paused again and looked down as if he wanted to say more but as if thinking otherwise he continued on with a different thought. "I have a scheduled meeting with the Captain this morning. I am…nervous to say the least. I'm hoping it is in regards to my Detective exam but…I will try to stay positive."

Another pause, another averted gaze. She smiled softly, there was so much unspoken between them. So much she wasn't willing to admit.

"I…I would like last night to continue. I mean…I would like us…to continue or rather…I would like there to be an 'us'. That is if you…" Kolyat sighed and rubbed his eyes groaning quietly. Shepard laughed gently from his awkwardness.

"We need to talk. I will come to you as soon as my meeting is concluded. I know you don't like being told what to do so at least take my advice. Try to take it easy today. I will see you soon."

His message ended and it helped her feel more at ease. He had been there for her, several times already. He said he cared about her, the echoed feel of his lips on her wrist without words indicated as much. He was right. They needed to talk, but how much was she willing to say?

She couldn't dwell on it, whatever it was that was happening between them. She pushed the covers off herself and forced herself out of bed. Her body achy and sore in all the right places bringing a new wave of heat to her face.

 _Jesus, am I back in college?_ It had been forever since she had been this way over sex. Not since…

She pushed the thoughts of green away, scared that she might hear his voice. The sounds of the ocean. She focused on her steps toward her bathroom, listing people she would have to call or websites she would have to look up to start ordering replacement things. She wondered how much could be salvaged.

 _Fuck…please tell me I didn't destroy my models?_

She finished her shower quickly, and dressed even faster. Putting on boots and one of her exercise outfits with a matching tank before throwing her hair up into a towel and darting out of her room down the hallway. She groaned as she reached the lighted glass shelves, all shattered and caved in. Carefully stepping over glass and debris she made her way towards the large kitchen island.

"Crap" She muttered looking over her completely destroyed apartment. She reached down and grabbed one of her Turian cruisers, cursing louder when the wing fell off, snapped beyond repair.

Cursing again she unraveled the towel from her hair and placed it on the island pushing the broken dishes and dust onto the floor in a loud crash uncaringly. When a large section of the surface was cleared she placed the cruiser down and ran to the sink trying her best not to trip over broken cabinets and shattered kitchenware. _Shit…did the coffee machine make it?_

Priorities.

Going back to the island she cleaned the rest of the surface pushing everything to the ground knowing she would have to call a cleaning crew as soon as possible. Connecting through voice as she rummaged through her hallway she scheduled a few workers along with a construction and design specialist. She would have to get rid of everything and redo it.

She frowned when she picked up a board, seeing the Destiny Ascension laying beneath, releasing a breath of relief when it remained unharmed. Thane had given that to her, and that particular version was a rare collector's item. She continued for a while, salvaging what she could and making a list of what needed to be replaced, her omnitool beeping with an incoming message making her insides tighten in excitement, and deflate when she saw it was Jerrod, letting her know the cleaning crew had arrived.

* * *

She was sitting at the kitchen table trying not to fall asleep in boredom when he had peeked his head through her open doorway, allowing workers to move in and out. She looked up from the brochures she was glancing at, fighting the urge not to click on the first thing and give it back to the designer.

His eyes roamed through her apartment looking at all of the different people sweeping and repairing her walls and floors, most of the larger furniture already cleared away. His eyes landed on her and a soft smile caught his lips. Her heart froze in her chest the moment they met and suddenly had no idea how to react. Should she wave, smile back, ignore him? What was she, five?

 _Oh God, he's walking towards me…_

Kolyat shifted to the side and allowed a Salarian to pass, taking away a large broken painting of a horizon that she actually liked. His gaze went back towards her and she inwardly battled the fight or flight reflex from taking over her body.

Should she say something? Touch him? Kiss him? Run away and scream she had to pee and lock herself in the bathroom never to return? Say hello at least? _Come on Shepard, what the fuck is the matter with you?_

"You look well rested." He said pleased, the double rumble of his voice smooth and full of warmth as he approached her. The back of his fingers caressing her cheek for a brief moment before he blinked his inner eyelids rapidly and pulled himself back, glancing at the workers around them. Was he trying to save her image? She swallowed regretfully fighting the urge to pull his hand back and get lost in his touch.

"Hungry?" He asked shifting the large bag he held placing it on the island, careful to avoid her model ships as he slid several away to make room. "I wasn't sure if you ate or not. I thought I would bring something just in case."

Reaching into the bag he pulled out a coffee cup and placed it in front of her before pulling out a cup for himself. "I got you a cappuccino. I'm pretty confident you won't turn it down."

"What are you talking about? You act as if I have an addiction or something." She snorted grabbing the cup to take a sip listening to his smooth pebbled chuckle while he continued to remove things from the bag. She sighed in content as the warm delicious goodness slid down her throat warming her insides, noticing Kolyat smirk at her, placing platters down between them.

"You didn't have to go out of your way." She tried to protest resting her chin on her upturned palm, placing her elbow upon the table.

"Did you already eat?"

"Well, no…"

"Then it wasn't out of my way. Besides, I haven't eaten yet either." He stated plainly collapsing the bag and unsealing the containers before turning to make his way into the kitchen. She smiled as she watched him move through her apartment, fighting a chuckle as he shifted some of the broken dishes until he found a single dark green ramekin and a coffee mug with a broken handle. Filling them both with water he sat them down on the island and turned to grabbed two dishes. A small plate and a bowl, the only other two unbroken dishes to be found.

"Do you want the mug or the little cup?"

"It's called a ramekin."

"So you want the cup with the fancy name?"

"It's not a cup." She chuckled sliding the mug closer to her silently calling dibs. Kolyat grinned and placed the small plate in front of her handing her a plastic fork. She waited patiently as he pulled off the tops of the food not missing the fact that he slid everything closer to her then him. Shepard glanced at the food he bought as he turned to grab the only other stool and pulled it to the other edge of the island she sat at. Close enough to be comfortable but far enough away not to give anyone the wrong idea. She noticed his eyes continuously shifting to the people in the apartment.

"You're really trying to get on my good side." She teased eyeing the large spread of salmon sushi and rolls he had picked up watching his frills darken while he placed some edamame and salad in his bowl. The way he averted his gaze made her wonder if his thoughts had turned carnal. The way he cleared his throat made her know he wanted to say something he couldn't with people present. He picked up the ramekin and took a sip of his water.

"Sorry I don't have any cups right now. I was actually in the process of shopping for dishes and furniture when you came in."

Kolyat glanced at the small dish in his hand and smirked before putting it down. "I think you're just jealous because my little cup is more stylish than your mug. You already chose. I'm not switching, your loss."

She chuckled gently at his ease, feeling all of the apprehension leaving her body as they ate together quietly, her attention averted periodically when the Salarian designer, Sol'rey came by to ask questions about colors and patterns, handing her a datapad with a catalogue of new furniture before going back to take measurements.

"I'm really bad at this stuff." She huffed glancing through a few selections of sofa's trying to decide on colors and styles.

"Have you chosen anything yet?"

"Not really. I just ordered whatever model ships were broken and a new lighted display case. The designer offered to fill in the wall here and move the displays into the hallway. He even said he was going to make more room so I could add a ton more if I wanted. I even ordered the new Eternity Vessel."

"One of the ships that were announced at the Unveiling?"

"I ordered the limited edition pearl version. It's going to look great in the new display case."

Kolyat grinned from her excited. "So you spent the whole morning ordering ships instead of…" His voice trailed off as he glanced around the mostly empty apartment, his eyes brightening in amusement before falling back on her.

"Don't be ridiculous. I know my priorities. I ordered a new coffee machine and espresso maker." She deadpanned watching Kolyat's smile widen. She really liked how easy they were coming to him in her presence now.

"Ah, of course. The necessities in life." He tilled with serious intent taking a piece of shrimp off her plate and switching it with one of his salmon pieces.

"So…" She started, curiosity finally getting to her. "Your meeting. How did it go?"

Kolyat hesitated and chewed thoughtfully, silently reaching into his breast pocket before placing his shield wallet down in front on her. She grinned in excitement already figuring it out as she grabbed the holder and opened it. Grinning even wider as she ran her fingers down the warm gold metal, tracing his name.

"See, I told you. You had nothing to worry about. I knew you could do it." She mused pushing his shoulder playfully. He grinned and caught her wrist, the movement making her hesitate as their eyes met.

"I appreciated your belief in me." He said softly as her gaze dropped to his hand. His thumb running gently over the pulse of her wrist which was now fluttering wildly beneath the surface. The beating of her heart drowning out everyone around her. Her skin warmed beneath his touch and she heard a gentle till of continent purr from his throat. Licking her lips she pushed down the dryness spreading through her throat, watching his eyes slowly brighten. She was just about to say something but the constant ping of her omnitool caught her attention and forced her to pull away reluctantly.

"Oh, crap." She murmured reading over the Intel from one of her information traders in regards to a current client. A stolen artifact that she had been trying to track for a group of Hanar researchers had finally made an appearance.

"Everything ok?" He asked seriously pulling her gaze back to him momentarily, blue hues now gone and surrounded by darkness.

Shepard shifted in her seat knowing she couldn't discuss most of her work with Kolyat. One because of client privacy and two, because he was on the more legal side of the law. According to the information the artifact had just been scanned on Illium. She needed to make some calls and zero in on it for 'retrieval'.

"It's work. I need to make some calls. Um…do you want to stay? I shouldn't be too long. Maybe you can help me pick out some furniture…or something."

Kolyat slowly smiled and nodded and she cleared her throat as she felt her cheeks flush. Jumping down from the stool she met his eyes for one last moment before grabbing her coffee cup and handing him back his shield wallet and one of the catalogues.

"Here. You can start. Click on anything you think would look good. I can glance at it when I'm done."

Kolyat quirked an eyeridge and then glimpsed down at the datapad a frown blanketing his perfect pouty lips. "Why do I have a feeling you're trying to pawn off your shopping on me?"

"What? How could you accuse me of pushing off my work that I obviously love, on other people? I would never do that. I take dish shopping very seriously."

"Uh huh."

"You said you wanted to help me, remember?"

"Help you, but now I think you're just taking advantage."

Shepard paused in midstep a wicked thought taking hold of her as she leaned into him to whisper. "Let's be honest. You wouldn't mind me taking advantage of you."

She heard him purr loudly as she pulled away. The brightness in his eyes returning as she clasped her hands behind her back and smirked wickedly making sure none of the workers had overheard her.

"You should just be excited that I trust you enough to make such important decisions. I mean just don't fuck up picking out the coffee cups. That's serious business. Life or death Kolyat. Life…or death." She did everything not to laugh as she walked backwards down the hall away from him. Shifting in his seat she saw him shake his head as she rounded the corner.

She ran a hand through her hair and covered her mouth to silence the laugh that wanted to break free as she made her way to her office and start the chain of phone calls.

* * *

She stared at him for a long time, trying to decide if she should wake him or not, just enjoying the chance to stare at him without getting caught. She studied his color, the black markings over his face, the shimmer of his scales, the perfect line of his lips. Guilt clasping her gut as she wondered if he had slept at all since before his double shift the day prior. The dull sheen of his scales in his message, and when he had come to her apartment, alerted her to his exhaustion.

More time than she had expected was needed in order to complete her work. Diagrams and surveillance footage was necessary to be sorted and planned, and the person she was working with was nowhere as good as Feron was. They needed to make sure the retrieval was done without getting caught. The Hanar needed this artifact returned as soon as possible.

Shepard picked up the datapad that had fallen to the floor and glanced at the screen switching the text from Rhaka to English. She smiled as she read over a few sentences realizing that he had fallen asleep in her one surviving armchair, reading a popular mystery book that had just been released. Placing a blanket over him she decided to leave him alone, feeling bad that she had made him wait so long for her. The apartment now empty except for the two of them.

Checking the locks and security panels she adjusting the heat controls and turned to make her way towards her bedroom, making sure the arid settings would be comfortable for him through the rest of the night. Not even a few minutes after she had changed and laid down, did she suddenly sense him in her doorway hesitating at the threshold.

Immediately she felt her heart start to hammer heavily against her ribcage and her mind quickly went into a panic now that they were alone. All of her questions and uncertainties coming to her at once leaving her breathless. She didn't know what to do. Pretend to be asleep? Tell him to go home? Welcome him with open arms? She wanted to…God knows she wanted to.

She sensed him walk into the room slowly, heard the shift of clothes, the clank of his belt. She literally felt her heart stop.

Shepard felt the covers move as he slid in behind her, hand gliding over the dip of her hips slowly as if testing if she would allow him to touch her. A breath escaping her lips as she sighed from the comfort of his hand, a calmness washing over her as she relaxed into him. Tight muscles uncoiled, a tenseness she didn't even know she was holding onto, until comfort eased through her and into his hold. Shepard felt his breath on her cheek, his lips on her neck, and a soft purr of contentment as he snuggled completely against her easily. A perfect fit.

"Kolyat..." She started, voice falling off into uncertainty. His name on her lips the only thing she could muster. How right it felt. He made a sound to quiet her, pulling her closer against him, heart racing from just that single movement.

"Be at ease. Get some rest." His voice rumbled against her, that gravelly double tremor tightening her insides. "I just want to be here with you. Let me have that."

Sweet Jesus, she wanted that too. When had she allowed herself to become so reliant on another? Shifting slowly she turned in his arms, his hands slackening their hold as she adjusted herself against his bare chest, fingers tracing his hikari, feeling his quickening heartbeat beneath her fingertips. She smiled gently enjoying the fact that she wasn't the only one affected by the others presence. Kolyat's hand was on her back, fingers twisting in her hair lazily, tracing patterns over her shoulder before falling to the dip of her spine holding her against himself.

So many questions she wanted to ask. What was this? Where did it leave them? How much was she willing to give him? Could she do it again? He said he wanted her but would it even be fair if she got involved with him? She knew they needed to talk and the thought of it terrified her. Where would it leave them? How real would it become? Last night had been remarkable. Some of the best she had ever had, just like it had been with Thane.

 _No...Don't compare them. That's not what this is…_

Kolyat had been the only one on her mind. He had overwhelmed her completely with his touch, his taste, the unrelenting pleasure he had given her. He was brutal in his passion, bordering that roughness that drove her wild, but he had been tender and engulfing in making sure he learned her and everything that would push her over the edge into ecstasy. She wanted to experience it again. Thane had held back in fear of hurting her at times. She didn't want that from Kolyat. Maybe they could start over? Maybe it could work? She wanted to know every aspect about him. The man who had fallen asleep in her living room reading a mystery novel. Not the son of her past lover.

She tilted her head up to say something but Kolyat's mouth immediately captured hers. Tender and soft, just lips and gentleness. She felt herself melting in his arms and he took that opportunity to deepen the kiss, to fill it with passion and need. His taste and tongue making her whimper. He chuckled throatily and she smiled against his mouth, her fingers vibrating with the light purr resonating from his chest, hands sliding over smooth scales.

"Sleep Kira...Sleep for now." He whispered pulling away slightly to rest his head on the pillow beside her, a last lingering trace of lips before his breathing evened out and he had drifted off into restful sleep.

She had wanted to ask him what Kira meant. She had wanted to ask him a thousand questions that took root in her mind. She had wanted to find any excuse, but came up empty handed. Slowly she closed her eyes and cuddled closer against him. The warmth of his body chasing away the coldness inside of hers. A presented opportunity to ward away the darkness and try again. The voices in the void of her soul, forgetting her name and disappearing behind rich alien musk and the promise of blue horizons. Dreamless tranquility wrapped in his arms. The sound of oceans fading into silence.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Kolyat glanced around carefully, making sure no one was in the vicinity before approaching the guard he knew was currently on duty. Joel Master's had graduated top of his class in the academy before him. Ranked fourth for the C-Sec corrections unit, he had spent most of his time studying, planning the birth of his daughter and avoiding social clicks. Although they had never really spoken, Kolyat had heard that this human was a gracious and courteous individual, always opting to put family first and avoid confrontation.

He waited specifically for him to be on shift for that reason. Joel had no one to really interact with, always choosing to keep his head down and out of trouble. He wondered if that was a factor to the possibility of him not mentioning to anyone about spotting him and Feron, or if he did, the reason it didn't come back to him. He had a good feeling however about this human keeping his silence.

"Krios." He greeted politely, a natural smile reaching his dark grey eyes. A friendly atmosphere always surrounding him, at least from the few times they had spoken. "What brings you down here?"

Kolyat mirrored his expression, nodding in greeting as he approached the human male's desk. "Just passing through."

Joel paused and looked around, assessing the emptiness of the area before his eyes slowly shifted back to him, hardening assertively as his body seemed to tense in budding unease. Nervousness shifting his gaze to watch the movement of Kolyat's hands, alerting him to his sudden discomfort.

"That's a really long detour. No one comes down here without a definitive reason."

Kolyat grinned from his astuteness, he had a gut feeling he was going to have trouble trying to get over on him. "You caught me." He admitted simply. "I've been meaning to thank you. I just never got the chance."

"Thank me?"

"The other week. You saw me with…" He paused trying to think of a word, too many coming to mind. "My friend."

It took Joel a moment, his eyes clearing into understanding. His stature easing. A natural smile pulling across his lips in sincerity, the softness reaching his eyes smoothly.

"You don't have to worry about that. We never saw each other, right? Everyone has a bit of fun sometime, it even fit your m.o."

"My m.o.?"

Joel looked around again and lowered his voice carefully. "That you're into the rough stuff."

Kolyat frowned and groaned pinching the bridge of his nose. So much for thinking he kept his private and work life separate. He sighed and opened his eyes letting out a heavy breath as Joel's lips pursed together tightly, his cheeks tightening as the corners of his mouth twitched upward.

 _Is he laughing at me?_

"It's not that uncommon Krios. I mean unless you're doing it against their will or something."

"No!" He denied immediately. "And it's not like that. I just...fuck, does everyone think that about me?"

"Not everyone." Joel mused, humor dancing in his eyes as his lips twitched again as if fighting off a smile. "Some have never even met you yet." He deadpanned making Kolyat growl in irritation but cut it off when he realized Joel wasn't trying to insult him, only jest. This wasn't exactly going the way he had planned.

He glanced away to gather his thoughts, the comment Joel made actually upsetting him more than it would have before. A reminder of his earlier spiral towards self-destruction. A reminder when he had just wanted to finish his sentence and disappear off the Citadel without a care. That was of course before his father had wanted some kind of relationship again. Before he had learned forgiveness...before he had wanted to change…before he decided to stay with C-Sec…before an alien creature decided to take over his thoughts…before he realized he had fallen…How do you change someone's perception when they already think the worst of you?

"I…I actually wouldn't mind having what you have." He answered carefully, testing out the hope on his lips out loud for the first time.

"What do you mean?" Joel asked sincerely, his voice dropping into genuine curiosity.

Kolyat swallowed roughly and glanced away, unsure of how he should proceed. He didn't really know Joel and wasn't sure how to go about what he started wanting. Wasn't ready to confess to anyone about wanting someone to come home to. If that could even be possible for him one day.

"You have any pictures of your daughter?"

"Do I?" The male's eyes lit up in immediate interest. Joel grinned and opened his omnitool scrolling quickly before pushing his screen towards Kolyat. Multiple pictures moved slowly in a pre-programmed photo album he had witnessed on the omnitool of others. Species who did not have the memory of drells or salarians.

A picture of a tiny human revealed itself, a small version with chubby arms and legs propped upon a pillow. In this particular frame she wore a frilly pink dress and a thin head band with a bow positioned on the side of her lightly blond haired crown. Another she was on her stomach, arms pushed forward as if she was trying to lift herself up, large grey eyes and a wide toothless smile. The next was with a woman, long light brown hair and eyes feeding the baby in her arms with a soft grin. Kolyat couldn't help but smile as more pictures moved past. Some of just the baby, and some with Joel and the same woman, before he pulled his omnitool away.

"Is that your wife?"

"Yeah, Elizabeth. She's a saint. I've never met any better."

"How old is your daughter?"

Joel hesitated and quieted as an Officer came around the corner waving to the both of them before making his way down the hall. Only when he turned and was out of earshot did Joel start to speak again.

"Five months. She's starting to teethe but she's a really good sleeper, gets a little fussy after eating though. She's also terrified of our cat. Cries every time she comes near. So…" Joel trailed off meeting his gaze carefully, grey eyes darkening gravely. "You done trying to distract me from what you're really here for?"

Kolyat snorted and chuckled. "You really think you figured me out?"

Joel quirked his eyebrow and let out a breath of disbelief. "If you're being sincere I'll take it, but there's got to be another reason you're down here."

"I am being sincere. You're a lucky male to have someone to return to everyday. You had the opportunity and chance to create something beautiful and pure. It must be a great feeling, having a child." Kolyat hesitated and looked down as old thoughts took over his words. "Creating good, is not as easy as removing evil. My father once said that to me."

"Sounds like a smart man."

"He was." Kolyat blinked his inner eyelids uncomfortably before looking back up as Joel shifted in his chair, understanding in his gaze.

"Maybe you'll get a chance one day." Joel answered quietly. The conversation and openness of it making him shift on his feet in anxious discomfort. Kolyat didn't want to dwell on things that would probably never be.

"I need to get into the holding cells." He finally admitted dropping his voice while he flicked his gaze around the area to make sure they were still alone.

"Sure, no problem." Joel responded freely, snapping back into work mode, moving to type on his keyboard for clearance.

"Without anyone knowing." Kolyat pressed. The human male froze in mid-motion to look up at him guardedly, eyes narrowing, body tensing.

"You don't have clearance for this visit." It was a stated fact as he straightened in his chair, once again glancing at the position of his hands. Why did he keep doing that? Was he thinking he would try to hurt him? Kolyat frowned at the implications surrounding Joel's mannerisms.

"What is this about Krios?"

"It's just professional curtesy."

"Professional disregard for protocol and proper clearing. You know I can't do that."

Kolyat shifted on the balls of his feet glancing at the locked entrance to the holding cells trying to think of something to say. A different approach perhaps. He needed an angle, some kind of leverage. But what?

"What…" He started, an idea forming in his thoughts. Terrible, but the only one he had. "What were you doing in the lower wards that night I saw you? You were in uniform. Where was your partner? C-Sec regulation forbids you to be alone in that jurisdiction. Patrol routes shouldn't have brought you anywhere near that vicinity."

Joel's jaw tensed and he leaned back in his chair, eyes darkening into a storm of budding resentment as they narrowed. Definitely a terrible idea.

"Is that really the route you wanna go with this? Are you trying to blackmail me?"

"No...No, nothing like that. I'm asking for your discretion. The same you used that night you saw me. The same night I saw you somewhere both of us shouldn't have been to begin with."

Joel sucked his teeth and nodded several times. Kolyat could see he was getting beyond pissed but he wouldn't back down from what he came here for, or what he had just ended up starting. He needed into those cells.

"You know, I heard a lot things about you Krios. I didn't really want to believe them. A lot of people don't like you."

"I know." Kolyat agreed solemnly. He already knew he had a bad reputation, and he was paying for it now. No one needed to keep reminding him of his past mistakes while trying to turn himself around.

All his life he had just considered himself a bother to everyone around him, never feeling as if he fit in. He came to the Citadel with the same notions, rough dealings and looking for trouble. Forced into C-Sec, not giving a shit. Until the people around him revealed a different path, and a dark angel of wrath yelling his name started to mean something more than a bit of bad luck.

"I heard you got here on connections and underhanded dealings." Joel continued, pulling him back from his thoughts. He remained silent as the human eyed him wearily and snickered harshly. A fire starting to stir in his chest.

"You don't deny it?"

"You already have your opinion about me. What do you want me to say?" Kolyat deflected, his voice biting back the ire that threatened to break free. He knew he had just screwed his chances, now he just wanted to leave.

"I didn't say it was my opinion."

"No? Your assumption then?"

"Look…just come clean with me." He pressed crossing his arms in front of his chest before leaning back in his chair, multiple thoughts crossing over his features. "I've heard your Bailey's lap dog. That he keeps you on a tight leash. You should just buy a saddle for how hard he rides you. Are you here for him?"

Kolyat remained silent and frowned thinking that it would just be better to leave before he said something he would regret. Already he could feel his temper quickly rising to the surface.

"Is that why you applied for detective? To finally get out from under his thumb? It's a smart move if you ask me."

"The reasons for what I do, are none of your business."

"You're right of course. I was just curious. My assumption, I suppose. Your connection with him was probably the reason you took out your frustrations on drinking and partying; sleeping it off with random strangers. Sounds like you were more lost than anything."

Kolyat growled loudly, his body quaking as he tried to steady the shaking of his hands, bunching them into fists at his side. All of his muscles coiling in rage. So much for avoiding confrontation. "Five minutes with me and suddenly you're a fucking expert? You trying to figure me out? Trying to assess my m.o. more thoroughly? You don't know me, so don't even act like you understand anything I've done."

"I know there's no way on God's green Earth you got into C-Sec without some pull. Just tell me the reason you're here, and maybe I'll help you."

Joel smirked smugly knowing he now had the upper hand because he had control over something he needed. Kolyat glanced at the holding cells again in frustration trying to decide what he wanted to do. There was no way he was going to tell him about Ryan and no way in Kalahira's depths that he was going to drop Bailey's name, especially with this human's previous comment and animosity towards him now.

Shaking his head Kolyat took a step back, his movement making Joel grin wider as he turned to leave.

"Suit yourself Krios. You know where I'll be if you change your mind."

He heard the male chuckle deeply. Kolyat tensed and glanced at him carefully, teeth clamped together to prevent elaborate imaginative words from spilling forth and making things worse.

 _Nice guy my ass._

He left with his chest on fire. The aggravation causing his throat to tighten, fists clenching at his sides. What the hell was he supposed to do now? He needed to get to Ryan before he was released. Feron had warned him earlier in the day that the male would be targeted right as he was freed. He needed to get him to safety and off the Citadel before that happened. _Maybe Shepard..._

No. That couldn't be an option. He didn't want her involved any more than she had to be. He didn't want her to have any thought that he was trying to use her for any reason she could think of. _That's not what our relationship-_

Kolyat cut off the idea as soon as it formed. Taking a deep breath he stared at the floor trying to reign in his thoughts, clear his mind from where he knew it wanted it to go. To the woman who had been missing from his side when he had awoken.

Rubbing the back of his head he groaned as the hollow feeling spread like a jagged weed throughout his chest, creating a crater of doubt. He hated that feeling. The unknown and helpless uncertainty. They really needed to talk. They needed to try and assess what they were. Sort out what was happening between them.

Friends? Fuck buddies? Lovers? Is that what human's called it? They had only been together once and the next night he had just wanted to be near her. It wasn't just physical. No, he wanted more than that. He wanted someone he could wake up to every chance he had, someone he cared about deeply. Could he even say confidently that they were seeing each other now?

Kolyat grimaced as he remembered the name he had called her. Kira. Did she know what it meant? Maybe that was the reason she had disappeared this morning? Perhaps she needed time to think it over; what he had confessed in that one word. The implications of what he wanted with her.

 _Shit..._

What if she knew what it meant? Than her absence indicated that she was rejecting him... _or maybe she just had to go to fucking work and I should stop worrying about every detail._

Taking a deep breath Kolyat opened his omnitool and sent her a message before he could stop himself.

* * *

Shepard glanced down as she heard the notification on her omnitool. Her gaze wandering when she saw Kolyat's name, breath catching in her throat before she quickly shut the program. Her attention going back to the computer screen.

"Urgent matter?" The smooth rumbled voice asked curiously.

"No, just something I have to do later." Shepard mentally balked, sucking her teeth as she glanced away from the multi-hued drell after realizing what she said.

 _Not the best choice of words right now..._

Even if Feron didn't know what the message was about, he could probably get a general idea by her mannerisms. Even if every instinct made her want to read the message immediately and try to convince herself that what she was feeling, wouldn't consume her.

Every thought of Kolyat and the memory of how incredible his body had felt, firm and comforting while he held her in a cocoon of strength and warmth caused her pause. All shadows had been chased away by the dawning light of blue horizons. She had awoken to the fact that waves had never lapped at her feet that night. No sirens song beckoning her beneath the waves. No emerald hue waiting for her. She had really needed that quiet...and it scared her to want that with him. To need someone again. Wasn't it too soon? A little over a year was too soon to feel something again, wasn't it?

He had apologized for losing control that night. For marking her in the midst of their passion, but his apology had upset her. She didn't want him to be sorry about anything between them. She didn't want excuses for his instincts. She had wanted his confidence. The certainty and emotion in his touch when he had allowed her that moment of weakness. The intensity in his eyes when his lips had touched her wrist; a silent declaration of commitment; a promise if she returned the gesture. If she would just accept him.

God, how she had wanted to in that moment.

The next day she had sat in ambiguity. That uncomfortable feeling that made her anxious about what was happening between them. She never got like this on the battle field. Wars had objectives, missions had priorities. Hearts and emotions were harder to navigate. She had lost her nerve when he had been with her. A calmness washing over her that she had almost forgotten had existed at one point in her life.

Not Thane's son. A man who had hopes and dreams of his own. She had witnessed how he could handle himself, his passion and misunderstood personality. She knew the pain he was unable to confide in others about. His fears of failure. His depth and yearning to change for the better. Could she allow herself to fall again?

 _I need a moment to think._

Shepard swallowed thickly as her thoughts spiraled into everything that made her hesitate. She needed to lock herself in silence and sort everything out. She needed to talk to Kolyat, had avoided bringing it up in fear of what it would mean for them. She had wanted one more day of being stuck in the spell his presence created, not wishing to ruin the night before so quickly. She needed time to understand it. She needed...to answer Feron first.

"What?" She asked in confusion snapping her attention back to him.

"I said if you need to go, I understand." He grinned softly, a fight of mischief shining back through golden speckles of unasked questions.

"No Feron. I have to ask you something really important." She sobered immediately narrowing her gaze on the male, watching as the coloring of his eyes darkened in impending urgency. Alert and ready for whatever she was about to bring on him. It was endearing and comforting to know that if needed, he would be there for her.

"When the hell are you coming back?" She frowned and sucked her teeth, making a show as she propped her elbow upon the desk and dropped her chin in her upturned palm, sighing dramatically.

Feron's eyes lit up in glee, a natural grin spreading across his lips smoothly as he prepared to return her playful banter. "Miss me already? I've barely been gone a few weeks."

"Yeah well, it feels like forever."

"Still reliving that night? Want me to come back and give you one more?"

His voiced lowered into a sultry purr, the hazel of his eyes shining a little brighter in excitement and temptation. She blinked slowly forcing herself to keep her expression as neutral as possible. A soft smile spreading over her lips.

"Maybe I want you to come back and find that female you smelled." She retorted cheekily.

Feron snorted and leaned back in his chair breaking eye contact, tilling out a sound that resembled an 'aw shucks' vibe making her grin wider. He had tried to bait her and she ended up turning the tables back on him. "I'll come back...eventually. I'm taking care of a few things first."

"Where are you?" She asked carefully, waiting as his gaze sobered again. He swallowed roughly and glanced away, unable to meet her stare. "If you can't tell me, I understand, but let me know that you're taking care of yourself at least, right?"

"I am…I'm trying too."

Feron paused and looked down, fingers fidgeting upon the table. Shepard knew he was hiding things from her. She respected his privacy but he had to know that no matter what, she would always be there for him. She trusted him, and she cared about him deeply.

"If nothing else…I'll always remain your friend."

Her words were quiet, mirroring what he had once said to her in a moment near the precipice of losing herself. His expression softened. The strain around his eyes smoothing out, beautiful hazel tones reflecting the same care he had for her. He let out a slow breath, sadness creeping within a small haunted smile.

"I'm on Kahje. I'm staying at the temple of Arashu."

The emotion in his voice made her hesitate, alerting her to the fact that this probably wasn't a common sightseeing trip. "Is everything alright?"

Feron licked his lips and laughed half-heartedly glancing away again. The façade finally breaking down. The real Feron; one more aspect of his personality that he kept locked away.

"I..." He tried. The frills of his throat vibrating slightly to indicate a subharmonic she couldn't hear. She didn't need to hear it though to understand that he was hurting in this moment.

"Feron...let me be there for you." She urged gently, waiting patiently as his gaze fell back on her cautiously.

"You've seen me at one of the worst times of my life…"

"And it never deterred me."

Feron's eyes filled up with tears from her words. Leaning back in his chair he blinked and looked up trying to fight the moisture from falling. A shaky breath rattling from his throat as he fought to maintain control.

"Something happened on my last mission…Something unforeseeable. I…" His eyes widened and his breaths picked up speed. She quickly saw the warning signs as his pupils dilated ready to slip into a memory. Feron's hands balled into fists just as she called his name sternly grabbing his focus back on her.

"Sorry…"

"Never apologize to me, Feron. Take your time."

He stared at her for a long time unmoving, his chest rising with slow, steady breaths as his gaze stayed focused on hers. Eventually he sighed and dropped his head in his hands, covering his face for a moment to collect himself. It hurt her to see him like this. When he had come to the Citadel she had been so wrapped up in her own pain that she had unknowingly looked over his. What kind of person was she to not notice the struggle of someone close to her?

"The priests have really been helping me." He finally said rubbing his hands over his head before looking back up at her. "I was losing myself Shep."

Shepard swallowed roughly and sucked in a harsh breath, understanding what that meant for a drell. "How often?"

"It doesn't matter…"

"How often Feron?" She pressed, voice masking into the authoritative tone of the Commander, allowing him a moment to answer.

"I'm getting better now."

"You're still not answering the question. How often was it?"

"Several times a day." He finally admitted after another long pause, tightness welling her chest in dread. "It's not every day now…I'm slowly getting better."

"Fuck…" She exhaled in anger slamming back in her chair as Feron's comments to her, when they were last together, finally made more sense.

Liara controlled Feron's missions. If they failed or went wrong, she was the one who should have known. If something unforeseeable happened, like a lapse of judgement or poor information gathering, and it resulted in a bad outcome, it was on her. If Feron had quit working as an information trader because of it, then it was bad. He mentioned that Liara and he had a falling out. At that time he also mention that he considered her his only friend. If he just admitted losing himself to bad memories then…capture, abuse or even worse would have been the trigger.

 _What. The. Fuck._

"Is that why you quit? Did Liara have something to do with this?"

Feron stared at her silently before slowly shaking his head in denial. "Don't. Please don't. I can see how angry you are getting for me…and I appreciate it. I do. Just…don't. I don't want to come between you and Liara's friendship. I can't be the reason for that."

Tears welled in his eyes again. This time several breaking free to roll down his cheeks despite the sad smile forced upon his lips. She smiled back bitterly knowing the feeling didn't reach her eyes while she waited for him to speak again.

"I love you. I want you to know that…and I know you care about me and-"

"I love you too Feron." She admitted knowing that the love that they had was of understanding and acceptance. He nodded happily, quickly wiping his tears away, a large grin spreading across his face.

"It's too bad that's in friendship for the both of us, or I would have been the luckiest male in the galaxy right then."

"You still can be." She teased, tilting her head to the side to run her fingers over her throat flirtingly trying to deter and lighten the mood. He chuckled gently and this time she noticed his eyes not brightening for her. Boundaries fully established now.

"I don't know how long it's going to take, but I'll be here. If you need me for anything…Just to talk. To vent. To cry. To be reminded how sexy I am…just let me know."

"How sexy you are, huh?" She grinned, quirking her eyebrow at him challengingly.

"I know you liked looking at me."

"Only if you admit you liked looking at me."

He snorted quietly, his sad smile slowly disappearing, but the haunted look in his eyes remained. His own demons calling for him in the darkness. Something she knew about a little too intimately. She wanted to tell him that he wasn't alone, that she understood the pain and the endless abyss that threatened to consume someone.

"How are you holding up?" He finally asked leaning back in his chair comfortably. The tenseness in his shoulders easing considerably.

"You know me…busy as always." She shrugged nonchalantly. She wanted to tell him about everything she was feeling. How she had tried to kill herself. Nightmares and daydreams colliding to the point that she didn't know what was real and what wasn't. How the last two days she had actually gotten sleep, since Kolyat…No. She didn't want to add to his burdens. She didn't want to do that to him. He needed to heal, and she wanted him to do it without worrying about anything else.

"Shep…come on. You can talk to me." Feron gently urged, knowing in his stare.

"I'm just worried about you Feron."

"I told you, I'll be ok."

"You better be. I need you." He shook his head gently, unspoken words flashing over his face. Did he not believe her? Did he want to argue? Or was there something else he wanted to say? After a moment of silence she decided to ask him a question that had been on her mind the last few days. Anything to change the subject.

"Can I ask you something?"

"You don't even have to ask that." He smiled waiting for her to continue, apprehension and the bliss of ignorance making her stomach rumble in hesitation. Did she really want to find out?

"I'm not sure my translator is working properly but I know sometimes words in Rhaka don't pick up right. I heard a client use a word the other day and I'm not entirely sure of its meaning. The context seemed…intimate."

"Are you sure it was intimate? Drells don't usually show affection unless they are very comfortable with…" Feron's voice trailed off as he hummed thoughtfully, something in her expression causing him to glance away and fight a grin from forming, a slight twitch of his lips. "What was the word?"

"Kira."

Feron looked back at her and raised both of his eyeridges, eyes widening before he took a deep breath catching his response. His reaction already making her regret asking in the first place. "Kira? Are you sure? That's a…a very intimate word."

"Do you know what it means?" She forced the marbles in her throat down, trying to fight her lungs from freezing.

"Yeah…it's a little hard to translate though."

"Can you try your best, so maybe I can understand?"

Feron hesitated and glanced around trying to avoid her gaze as he thought of what to say. "Its…it's like a word of dedication, like an oath…no that's not right." He paused and rubbed the hexagon patterned scale on his head to reel in his thoughts. "Like a promise? Umm, like complete devotion?"

"You're confusing me."

Feron looked back up at her and frowned. "Are you sure this is the word you heard?" After she nodded he shook his head and fell back against his chair, expression softening as he studied her carefully. "Kira is one of the most intimate words someone, usually a female, can be called by another. Tiho is the male version."

Feron closed his eyes for a moment and clasped his hands in front of him, she could tell he was really trying to figure out what to say, but all Shepard could focus on in that moment was the heavy frantic pounding of her heart. Blood rushed in her ears as the world started freezing in place. Dread and fear clawing into her so deeply she already knew deep within her what Feron was about to say and make her dreadfully aware of. What Kolyat really wanted from her.

"You already know drell's view their souls separate from their bodies. That they can exist without each other, although disconnection can occur. Kira means…it means that someone's soul has been found in another…or it hasn't. Like they are letting you borrow it. Giving you a piece of theirs for whatever reason. It also means that the individual completes them now. Without them, they can be lost, but it means so much more than that."

 _Holy fuck, there's more?_

 _Holy shit, did Kolyat really say this?_

"It can also indicate that not only does that individual complete them, they have entrusted their soul to the other for safe keeping. It's one of the most meaningful words of respect, or love that could be said to another."

 _Oh God…don't say it. Please don't say it…_

"Complete acceptance and devotion for another. Kira…it means 'my soul.'"

* * *

Kolyat jolted in surprise as he felt a weight touch his shoulder, Graham's scent the only thing calming him as he realized how distracted he had been, not recognizing the human male approach him.

"Everything alright?" Lukas asked coming from around him to sit in the vacant seat to his side. Handing him his cup of tea, he glanced around before taking a sip from his own steaming mystery drink, most likely coffee.

"No sugar, right?"

"Yes, thank you." Kolyat replied politely, hesitating before taking a sip, looking down at his omnitool for who knows how many times now.

 _Still nothing._

He sucked his teeth and glanced away, his mind reeling at his obsessive behavior in regards to a single message, or in his case, a lack there of. _Maybe she's really busy today…_

"Is something going on? You seem really distracted. I know you disappeared this afternoon for a while…hey, if you need help with anything…" Lukas trailed off leaving his offer as an open ended invitation.

Kolyat turned to look at him, studying his open inquisitive arched eyebrow before his expression slipped into a wide grin. Blue eyes sparkling in genuine warmth. He didn't know what to say, where to start, or even if he should. Yesterday Lukas spoke of trust and acceptance, wanting to know him and have his back but, how far was he willing to let it go? Could he really rely on this human male? They had only just met, despite how comfortable he felt with him.

"We still have some time, do you want to go get something to eat? Maybe take a walk, get some air? I would show you your desk, but it's not ready yet."

"I get my own desk?" Kolyat blinked in surprise trying to contain his rising excitement but failing as Lukas grinned even wider.

"We share an office. It's not huge but, it'll be our home away from home when we're not in the field. I was going to show you the third division headquarters tomorrow when you're officially assigned, but I can you show you now if you want. I'll introduce you to some of the others. Not everyone is there right now though, a couple are on a case. We'll probably get assigned one tomorrow." Lukas looked down at his omnitool and rose from his seat taking a deep gulp of his drink. Kolyat stood but his reluctance made the other male pause and look back at him curiously. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Do you…" Kolyat started but hesitated allowing himself a moment to take a breath and gain back his determination. "Do you have access to the holding cells?"

The question caught the human male off guard as a multitude of thoughts flashed through his eyes before he blinked curiously. "The holding cells? You need to get into the holding cells?"

"Yes…without record." Kolyat admitted, holding his breath, waiting for the judgmental enquiries or suspicious thoughts to cross the other male's features. His reluctance or distrust. Maybe he was taking too much of a chance here, but what else could he do? Let Ryan die because he couldn't warn him or tell him that he was willing to help? He owed Bailey so much, and now he was completely involved by free choice to the outcome of his family.

"Alright. Let's go." Lukas said easily turning and immediately beginning to walk away.

"What?" Kolyat asked in surprise, trying to stifle a shocked gasp at his immediate acceptance. Was he for real? The male stopped and turned to glance at him over his shoulder. No questions. No curiosity in his stare. Just immediate action as he shrugged indifferently.

"You need to get in, right? Let's go. We have enough time before your medical."

"You're not going to ask me why?"

"Are you going to tell me?"

Kolyat stared at him silently and then glanced around noticing a few people in the vicinity. When he looked back at him, something must have shown on his face because Lukas grinned and nodded in understanding.

"Tell me later. I trust you're good for it." He turned immediately and made his way towards the elevators with Kolyat close beside him. Once they were inside Lukas glanced down at his omnitool when it pinged, a grin on his face as he read over the first few lines.

"Let me do all the talking when we get there."

"I couldn't get in before. I was…turned away."

"Who's on shift?"

"Joel Master's."

Lukas sucked his teeth and shook his head a grimace thinning out his lips. "Figures. Fucking prick owes me two hundred credits for our poker game last week."

"What's that?"

"Poker? You never played?" Lukas raised both his eyebrows as Kolyat shook his head in denial, a broad grin taking the place of surprise. "Excellent, fresh blood in the water. You're definitely coming next week, prepare to lose all your money."

Before Kolyat could ask any more question the elevator opened and Lukas gulped the rest of his drink and made his way down the hall, both of them tossing their cups in a trash bin before turning the corner towards the entrance to the cell block.

Master's was exactly where Kolyat had left him several hours ago, typing on his computer deep in work. He glanced up as they approached, a cruel grin forming over his lips as their eyes met before it slipped into a confused frown. His gaze running over Lukas slowly, body tensing in discomfort as he shifted in his seat and pushed away from his desk carefully.

"Graham, what are you doing here?" He glanced between them anxiously.

Lukas kept walking towards him without hesitancy until he rested his palms upon his desk and leaned forward. His movement's smooth and natural, eyes dark and piercing.

"I'm here because you're causing me problems."

"Problems? How am I causing _you_ problems?"

"Krios needed entrance to the holding cells. You failed to give him what he wanted. So now you're creating a problem for me _,_ because he failed to get the information I requested. Which is now causing me to come down here and waste my time with you."

"He was doing a favor for _you?"_ Joel narrowed his eyes glancing at Kolyat heatedly before turning them back on Lukas who pushed himself off the desk and crossed his arms over his chest.

"No, he was doing his professional duties. Maybe you missed the office gossip. Krios is assigned as my partner now."

"You made third class? Why didn't you just say that before?" Joel stared at him in wide eyed shock. Kolyat narrowed his eyes as the acid feeling returned in his chest making him suck his teeth at the way he was acting towards him now.

 _Like you didn't try to antagonize me earlier._

"Krios doesn't have to explain anything to you, you just needed to supply access without question. That's your job, isn't it? And right now you're hindering a time sensitive investigation. Who was your supervisor again?" Lukas frowned and opened his omnitool, scrolling through a long list of information. "Hold on, I'll find it. Turian I think..." He said absently staring intently at the screen.

Joel's face paled as his eyes opened in slight panic. "Wait. I didn't know Kolyat was on an investigation. The system must not have updated yet. Of course, go right in. This doesn't need to reach LT. Nylins. It was an honest mistake. You don't need to bring him into this."

Lukas blinked slowly and lowered his omnitool letting out a long slow breath of aggravation before motioning his head for Kolyat to follow him as the locks turned green.

"We still on for next week?" Joel asked carefully his gaze trailing behind them as they passed.

"You got the money you owe me?"

"I got it. I'll give it to you then."

"Then I guess we're still on." He grinned walking through the doorway, Kolyat following close behind, ignoring the angry glare from Master's as the door closed behind them.

"Shit...I forgot to get the milk." Lukas said suddenly pushing his omnitool in front of Kolyat for him to see. "Look at this long list Ami sent me. Unbelievable. Have you ever heard of a flax seed? What the hell is a flax seed?"

Kolyat shook his head in disbelief, blinking in amazement at the other male who pondered in budding irritation. His demeanor completely changing from a few minutes prior.

"It's these new girls she's hanging out with. They're putting all this health crap in her head. She needs some real friends. I can't wait for her current project to be over...avocado oil...that better be for cooking. You think that's for cooking?" Lukas asked scrolling through the list a little more as he walked in front of him, Kolyat's steps faltering as he thought about the whole conversation a few moments prior. Lukas didn't actually look for Master's supervisor?

"You intimidated Joel with your grocery list?"

"Well it's intimidating me that's for sure." Lukas deadpanned before turning slightly toward him. Kolyat chuckled and smiled when Lukas flashed his teeth in a wide gracious smirk before pushing his shoulder playfully and continuing down the hall.

"Your expressions reveal too much. Poker face Kolyat."

"I still do not know what that means."

"Don't worry, you'll get it. I'll teach you. Don't let that fucker intimidate you. He's probably pissed now that you're a higher class then him. Let him sit on it and stew for a bit." Lukas snickered.

Kolyat couldn't believe how easy Graham had made it seem. His attitude was easy going and his confidence left him hoping he could feel the same. Turning down another hallway Lukas slowed as they approached the first cell. A voice immediately calling out to the human male beside him.

"Yo, Graham. I thought you forgot about me." A Turian male yelled in excitement, rising from his cot to approach the biotic barriers.

"I can't forget that ugly face of yours, Calus." Lukas shook his head grinning, shoving his hands in his leather jacket stopping before the partition.

"It'll be prettier when I get out, promise. I only got a few days left. I'll come look for you."

"You better not. I'll arrest your ass for stalking, put you right back in there."

Calus flicked his mandibles and laughed heartily, turning to pick up a deck of cards. "Got time for a game? Solitaire is starting to make me lose my mind."

"Yeah, I got a little bit of time." Lukas glanced back towards Kolyat and nudged his chin, indicating for him to go. "Do what you gotta do. I'll be here with this ugly mug waiting."

"Thank you." Kolyat said with a little more emotion then he meant to show, his frills heating slightly as he glanced away looking towards the hallway which would lead to Ryan.

"Kolyat…" His name brought his attention back to the human male before him, clear blue eyes, sincere and candid. He should have asked him from the beginning.

"This is just the foundation. We'll have plenty of opportunities to prove ourselves to one another. Promise."

Kolyat could only smile and nod, truly believing what his partner just said to him and looking forward to the road before them.

"Do you two ugh, need a moment? I could turn towards the wall, or something."

Lukas snorted at the Turians teasing. "Shit, you mean you had a concealed weapon on you too when I arrest you for stalking me? What other charges can I give you? It's not going to be your lucky day Calus."

"Fuck you Graham. Just deal the cards." He tilled in fake upset sliding the deck beneath an opening at the bottom of the barriers.

* * *

"Officer Krios?" The woman asked in peaked interest narrowing her eyes over thin square rimmed glasses analyzing him from head to toe.

"Yes Ma'am." He replied respectfully as she glanced back down at the datapad in her hand, pushing her glasses back up on the bridge of her nose frowning as he answered.

"You're late." She replied curtly in disapproval. "Take off your clothes and get on the table."

"Skipping the foreplay today." Lukas snickered sharing a look with him as he passed by and made his way towards the other side of the examining area.

He blinked at the older grey haired woman slowly, studying her as she moved her hand over the datapad reading something intently. Lukas had warned him about her crisp personality before they arrived and her icy demeanor. Shedding his leather jacket he draped it over a nearby chair watching as Lukas hiked himself up onto a nearby counter getting comfortable. The movement caught the woman's attention and she frowned deeply in disapproval, the light wrinkle marks around her mouth and eyes deepening as her grey eyes darkened in annoyance.

"You know there are chairs." She remarked sternly dropping her datapad on the counter near him to grab a tray, loading it up with various medical tools.

"No thanks, I'm good." Lukas grinned, grabbing a piece of candy from a nearby jar, unwrapping it to shove it in his mouth. Kolyat had to fight a smirk that threatened to escape when he heard her release an aggravated huff and move away from him.

"Are you planning on staying through the whole thing? Need to hold his hand too?"

"Only if he's scared of needles. I'm making sure you don't take advantage of him. You and your seductive ways, trying to make me jealous."

Kolyat snickered from Lukas's antics as he unlatched his holster and placed it on the chair regretting it the moment her eyes met his and she shook her head in displeasure.

"Officer Krios, pants, shirt, now! Let's hurry this along. I have things to do."

"Yeah, that hot date with me." Lukas sneered only loud enough for Kolyat to hear as she walked away for a moment to grab a syringe set. He shared another look with the human male who grinned knowing he heard him.

Kolyat quickly kicked off his boots and grabbed the bottom of his cotton C-Sec shirt, pulling it over his head dropping it on the chair beside him. Just as he started unfastening the buckles of his belt he heard Lukas suck in a harsh breath grabbing his attention.

"Fuck you're ripped. Do drells normally look like you?"

Kolyat smirked as he released his belt, balancing on one foot as he pulled his pants off leaving him in just a pair of black silk boxer briefs. "Our muscles are denser than a humans, but we'll gain more mass if we train properly. Just like your species."

"Jesus…" He breathed out slowly. "Just don't take your shirt off in front of my girlfriend."

"What? Why would I do that? I would never-" Kolyat gasped in shock. Why would Lukas think that he would be interested in his girlfriend? They had never even met. Not that it mattered because of his interest in someone else. Someone who had refused to return his calls and messages for several days now…

"I didn't mean it like that. I'm just throwing it out there." Lukas laughed holding his hand up to ease Kolyat's rising panic while he pushed himself onto the examining table.

"If you ladies are quite finished…" Reese scowled grabbing his arm getting ready to take blood. "I received the blood results from your initial exam a few days ago. I just need to run a few more tests. Make sure you schedule with the nurse a time in a few weeks to start banking your blood."

 _Banking my blood?_ Kolyat gave Lukas a questioning glance but before he could ask anything Reese commanded him to open his mouth and shoved a mold against his teeth.

"Bite down hard and hold it."

He did as he was told as a scan started and she took a few vials of blood. Once she was done Reese checked his ears, nose, throat and eyes. Making notes after each scan and then told him to stand with his arms held out. When he got into position she opened her omnitool and started a full body diagnostic.

"What is all this for?" He asked just as Lukas picked up the jar of candy fishing his fingers around in it searchingly.

"Standard third division protocol. Think of it as a rite of passage. If we're gonna put you deep in the beat we need to make sure we can identify you if...the worse should come to pass. Dental records, blood samples, complete body scan and all of your markings or tattoo's will be logged into the system. In case...you know, they only find a piece."

Kolyat nodded soberly as Reese pushed his arms up again. "Keep them there and don't move." She said firmly as he heard Lukas let out another snicker popping a large lollipop into his mouth as she started another scan.

"She really likes you."

Reese let out another loud huff as she finished and took a step back towards the far counter to grab another mold from the table. "As memory recalls, you missed your last annual Graham. Do not put it past me to get a subpoena."

"I love it when she talks dirty."

"Bite down and release your barbs. I need a sample of your venom." She said impatiently making Kolyat tilt his head back from her and frown. Quirking an eyebrow she stared at him in challenge as he narrowed his gaze and glared at her in offense. Did she realize how offensive that request was?

"That's not exactly something I can do on demand." Kolyat replied dryly.

"And why not?"

"Seriously Reese? You just basically asked him to jerk off. Last time I remembered, a sperm sample wasn't part of the scanning process." Lukas grimaced, eyes hardening as he watched the woman take a step back in confusion. Kolyat eased as he realized how much Lukas really went out of his way to learn about his species.

"I never asked for a sperm sample."

"Our barbs are only used in mating. We inject pure venom when instinct drives us to claim. I can't exactly-"

"Don't explain that shit to her." Lukas huffed, hoping off the counter to lean against it, crossing his arms in disapproval. All pretense of jokes slipping away into stern beliefs.

"I didn't mean to offend." Reese answered defensively. "I have never examined a drell before. I need a pure sample of the venom in your system for reference."

"You can get it from my saliva or my skin. I am not releasing my barbs for you."

"Fine. I see this is a sensitive subject."

After quickly grabbing a cotton swab and taking a saliva sample, Reese excused herself and left without another word. Grabbing his pants Kolyat shook his head a little off put by the human female as he glanced at his omnitool automatically just in case. His mind wandering to Shepard once more. Was it possible he had offended her? Something he said, or did, to make her not want to reach out to him?

Over the last few days he had visited her apartment several times and each time Jerrod had told him she wasn't home. Every message went unanswered and several calls had been rejected. So he had gone to her office, only to be turned away by Narissa and Gary.

At first he couldn't tell if they were telling the truth but when he had gone the day before last, Gary's avoided eye contact and fidgeting fingers had made him realize that they had been bullshitting him. At least it let him know that she was okay, but it also meant that she was avoiding him on purpose. Maybe he should call Feron and ask him if he's heard from her? He knew something was going on and he hated not understanding what she was thinking.

When he had spent that last night with her, he thought everything was going well. A little awkwardness on her end but he thought that was just because she was still trying to collect herself from the night prior. Figure out what was happening between them. Did he do something wrong? Was there proper etiquette to follow after intimacy with humans?

He had been hesitant at first to go to her when he had awoken in her living room but he had just wanted to be with her. Nothing more than to feel her body against his. A presence if she needed it. Maybe he had read it wrong? She didn't tense up or pull away, and he was damn well sure she would have punched him or worse if she really didn't want him there.

"So…drells claim each other? What's that like?" Lukas's question pulled him from his thoughts as he finished dressing, grabbing his jacket to throw it over his shoulders.

"If we decide to choose that individual for a serious commitment or we accept the possibility for future mating, we will claim. Like binding yourself to that person. A relationship would have to go really bad in order to leave after that. It's not done lightly. It's also done to ward off other suitors from trying to approach what is yours."

"Like marking your territory."

Kolyat tilted his head to the side thoughtfully at his analogy before nodding. "Yes, something like that but it's a little bit more than that…like giving a part of yourself to that person. Scents will change and…instincts grow sharper in protecting…I think your drawn to them more too."

"You've never done it?"

"No. Not yet."

"Not yet? You planning on it?" Lukas grinned.

"I-ugh. I didn't mean it like that." Kolyat looked away feeling his frills heat in discomfort noticing Lukas's eyes harden as he glanced down at his omnitool again, thinking about Shepard. That would never be an option with her.

"Is that why you keep checking your messages?"

"I don't-"

"Is it the person you said you were interested in but said it was complicated?" Kolyat was cut off before he had a chance to deny it. Was he that fucking transparent?

Kolyat shifted on his feet in uncertainty, pursing his lips as he tried to decide if he wanted to say something or not. The whole situation unfamiliar and new to him. Actually pursuing someone. Wanting them, as much as he did. For the first time, caring that he was being rejected and hating every second of it.

"With..." He started, sighing as he tried to think of a proper question in regards to human mannerisms. "Do human females usually ignore their males on purpose? Is that normal in your relationships?"

"Depends. If they get angry or if they're not interested, sure. I pissed off Ami once when we were dating and she ignored my calls for weeks."

So this was normal? Maybe he could still fix it? Understand what he might have done?

"What did you do? I mean, to get her to talk to you again...if she won't even let you see her or she rejects all your calls?"

Lukas smiled warmly and leaned back against the counter resting his palms upon the surface comfortably. "What did you do wrong?"

"I...That's the thing...I don't know. She just, won't talk to me."

"She's human?"

Kolyat nodded and sighed. "I don't have many human friends...actually only two I would consider, but they don't know as much about me as you do now. I shouldn't even be asking you but..."

"It's been on your mind for a few days?" Lukas finished for him and he nodded again solemnly.

"Come on let's talk in the car." He offered getting his attention and leading him from the exam room and to the parking area.

Once they were inside Lukas asked him about the last time they were together. Kolyat told him about him bringing dinner to her and that he didn't sense her acting any differently then she normally did, omitting of course who she was and under what circumstances. He told him about joining her in bed and how relaxed she seemed and then waking up alone.

"She didn't seem tense when you laid down with her?"

"Not really."

"Have you slept with her?" Kolyat glanced at Lukas cautiously before nodding slowly.

"Once. The night before that."

Lukas leaned back in his chair and looked out the window resting one hand on the steering wheel while he scratched his beard with the other, his gaze far away as if contemplating. "And she just basically disappeared after that?"

Kolyat nodded again as Lukas met his gaze and smiled sadly. "Sounds like she's not interested anymore."

"Yeah…" Kolyat swallowed roughly, the pain hitting his chest making it almost impossible to breathe. Like being stuck under a heavy rock, unable to break free. He could feel Lukas's gaze on him but for several moments they remained in silence before Lukas put the car on manual and started pulling away.

"Where does she work?"

"What?" Kolyat blinked in surprise as Lukas turned out of the station and started traveling towards the Presidium.

"Which way are we going? I'm going to drop you off at her job. Or do you want me to drop you off at her home? Tell me which way Kolyat." His last sentence sounding almost impatient.

"Zakera Ward. Third floor. She's probably at work."

"Keep trying. That's what I did with Ami. I kept showing up at her job. I kept sending her flowers, apology notes and several messages a day until I finally got her to speak to me…and then I got on my knees and apologized again. If this woman means something to you, then keep trying until you speak to her, hopefully she'll give you a reason so you know where you stand."

"What did you do to have to apologize so much?"

Lukas was quiet as they pulled up to the third floor drop off area, his jaw tensing as he glanced at him. He smirked and shook his head leaning back against the seat before meeting his gaze. "I slept with her sister."

"While you were seeing her?" Kolyat raised both of his eye ridges in surprise.

"I'm not that kind of scum bag, but it was a lot of drama. Her sister is a bitch and she was using me, fucking with my head. I didn't even know Ami liked me at the time. I liked her, but I didn't fully realize, and I messed around with Tiffany. She rubbed it in Ami's face and…then her friends at the time got involved. It was a fucking mess. A lot of dumb college shit."

"But it worked out in the end."

"Yeah…but at the time, it was hell. Ami is everything to me. I would die for that woman if I had to."

Kolyat nodded in understanding, feeling even more comfortable and hopeful at the depth of human emotions. They didn't claim each other so he had always wondered about the gravity of their choices.

"Keep trying if you're serious about her. Until you know exactly how she feels. That's the only advice I can give you."

"You've done much for me today. I appreciate it." He really did. This male had no idea the encouragement he had just given him. He really cared about Shepard now, and it was time for him to know where he stood with her. Lukas scoffed and grinned widely, blue eyes flashing in mirth as he scratched his chin again, flashing his teeth before unlocking the doors.

"You'll feel differently when I take all your money in poker next week."


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20 

Kolyat stood frozen at the bottom of her stairs, gazing up at them while the gravity of his thoughts threatened to sink him through the floor. It took him several heartbeats to ease his racing heart, to make sure his frills did not betray him or his emotions from revealing too much upon his features. He hoped Lukas would be able to help him keep them in check like he offered. He hoped more time with the priests would help too.

When he reached the large reception area, Gary was the first to greet him. His normal wild hair was now slicked back, leaving the front spiked up in perfect neat rows. His deep forest eyes now hidden behind a thin pair of rounded glasses Kolyat had never seen him wear before. He smiled and waved in excitement as soon as their eyes met.

"Hey Kolyat!" He beamed, dropping the stack of folders he had on the edge of the main desk, approaching quickly. "How's it going?"

"Good…you look different today."

The human male froze almost immediately, his body growing rigid, the rise of his chest halting, lips thinning out. Did he somehow alarm him? "Different in a good way or a bad way?" Kolyat glanced at Nerissa carefully, unsure if he just insulted the male. Gary shifted on his feet and lowered his eyes, running his hands over the dark brown sweater vest until he tugged at the light blue dress shirt peeking out from the edges, almost self-consciously.

"Please tell him he looks fabulous. He's been bugging me about his outfit choice all day." The asari smirked from behind her desk, chuckling faintly as Gary shot her a heated look.

"Do you think I should have worn my glasses? Do you think it's too early to show him I wear contacts?"

"Stop. You look amazing. Doesn't he look amazing?" Nerissa glanced back at Kolyat narrowing her eyes in challenge, making him nod automatically.

"You look amazing." Kolyat replied quickly watching as Gary sighed in relief.

"Oh, thank God. Do I look fuckable though?"

"Very fuckable." Nerissa answered abruptly, giving Kolyat the same look prior as if daring him to say otherwise. Kolyat nodded and smiled, finding the conversation odd but entertaining at least.

"Why are you so concerned about your appearance?"

"Not everyone can roll out of bed and look as good as you. Some of us have to work at it and-"

"Here it goes..." Nerissa grinned wrinkling her nose at Gary who stood up straight and tugged at the bottom of his shirt dramatically.

"I have a date…and not just any date. The dreaded third date."

"Dreaded? Why is it dreaded? I don't understand." Kolyat admitted, curious to the human's way of courting. Maybe he did do something wrong. Maybe he had missed a step or done something offensive. He had been following her lead in comfort. Maybe he should have shown more restraint, despite her body calling to him so completely. How could it have been so wrong if she had been so willing and allowed her to take what she wanted from him?

"It's a human thing." Nerissa grinned resting her chin on the palm of her hand pulling him from spiraling regrets.

"Are you kidding me?" The male answered back disbelievingly. "The third date is where everything matters! You start to really see who that person is. You stop second guessing yourself. You see if you both hold the others interest, the attraction and have the opportunity to see if this could be for the long term. Don't you feel that way on a third date?" Gary frowned glaring at Kolyat sternly waiting for him to argue, but Nerissa cut in first.

"I think Kolyat's too stuck up for that. He's probably a prude."

"You think that?" He murmured darkly turning to look at her, his mind automatically going to all the carnal things he would love to do, to a very specific woman. The asari eyed him curiously, interest entering her expressing before he broke their stares and turned his gaze back on the other male.

"I personally always think it's the quiet ones who like it the dirtiest." Gary grinned suggestively eyeing Kolyat from head to toe.

"I always thought it was the more vocal ones." He returned defectively not wanting any more rumors to emerge.

Gary smirked and moved something imaginary off his shoulder shaking his head, as if fluffing his hair. "Well you'll never find out now. You lost your chance at sweet talking me. I hope you can sleep at night while you regret it."

Kolyat blinked slowly and smiled from Gary's quick turnaround, a low chuckle escaping his throat, watching as the human male's eyes widened and his mouth fell open.

"Holy shit. Is that a laugh? Is he actually laughing?"

"I didn't think you were capable of it, Kolyat." Nerissa teased also. Taking a minute he shook his head slowly and took a deep breath, a sad smile quirking the edges of his lips.

"Do you really think I'm that irascible?"

"See what I mean. Who the hell uses irascible? Uptight, hot-tempered, touchy, super tense, stick up your ass, that sums it up easier, don't you think?" Nerissa flashed a dazzling smile alerting him to the fact that she was only teasing and didn't really mean it. That, or she was really good at covering up her insults.

"Is Shepard here?" He finally asked glancing between the two of them cautiously, trying to gauge any fluctuations in their demeanor or breathing.

After a momentary pause and a slight fall of her lips, Nerissa met his gaze carefully. "I'm sorry Kolyat but she's not."

He noticed it right away. The way her throat contracted, her eyes staying frozen on his, forcing the lie to seem genuine. If he hadn't been studying the subtle indications from C-Sec he would have actually believed her. After all, she probably had over a hundred years of experience on him. Turning towards her slowly he ran his fingertips over the desk, doing his best to keep his composure. He made sure everything seemed natural, confident and perceptive. He had seen Lukas do it. He could do it too.

"You're lying. I need to see her." He murmured calmly, keeping his emotions void of anything for her to feed off of.

Nerissa frowned and shared a glance with her fellow co-worker who sighed and crossed his arms over his chest dejectedly. His hip leaning against the edge of the desk as he pursed his lips, adjusting the glasses falling down his nose before speaking. "She made it perfectly clear that if you came by not to let you in."

 _So, she is avoiding me on purpose._

Before he had a chance to reflect on it, the question spilled from his lips. "Did she say why?"

Another shared look. Another uncertain glance. They didn't know either. "She didn't tell us why."

Kolyat looked down at the desk, running his fingertips over the surface again slowly, his chest tightening with all the emotions he could not express in this moment. He thought she was the type to face her problems head on, not avoid them. Was he nothing more than a problem for her now? A mistake perhaps? No…that couldn't be possible. It didn't feel like a mistake and she would have tried to avoid him the very next day if that was true.

"No offense, but we figured it was something you did." Nerissa spoke up, the comment instantly making him glance away to hide any pain from escaping. That was it, wasn't it? His problem. His temperamental attitude and way of things, always unable to keep his thoughts hidden. His inability to conceal what he wanted, his actions unrestrained without thought, lashing out in the beginning without care of consequence. They should have spoken the very next day about it. He should have reassured her. Kept reassuring her. He had to see her, just one moment. That's all he needed.

"I just need to speak with her. Just for a minute…please." The last of his words came out breathy and on the verge of a beg but in this instant, he didn't care.

Nerissa and Gary shared another glance with one another, until the asari smiled and started rising from her seat. Walking around the desk she hooked her hands around Gary's arm and tried to guide him away.

"Ms. Shepard is not expecting anyone for at least another thirty minutes. That should be enough time for us to sneak downstairs and get some tea. We'll only be gone a minute. No one should come by in that time, right?" She quirked her brow at Gary who nodded, the edges of his lips quirking into a soft smile. Gary met his eyes for a final moment and sighed deeply surrendering to the woman who began leading him away from reception.

"She's going to kill us." He murmured just as they turned to go down the stairway.

Kolyat smiled thinly not ready to waste this opportunity presented to him. Moving around the desk carefully he released the locking control and watched as the red indicator turned green. Allowing himself one final second, he stared at her office door, taking a deep breath to steel his nerves. One moment, that's all he needed. A chance to understand. He would take whatever he could get. Gaining back his confidence he stepped into the sensors and waited as the panels slowly opened.

* * *

Shepard was sifting through a stack of old documents when the door abruptly opened. Her muscles instantly coiled in warning from the unannounced intrusion, fingers sliding over the familiar weight of her pistol as she reached for it upon her desk. Turning automatically she aimed it at the person who entered. Hesitation slowly dropping her hand to rest at her side as twin obsidian orbs stared back at her unblinking. Kolyat's presence immediately washing over her, a welcome yet dreaded sight.

Where the hell was Nerissa and Gary? How the hell did he get in?

 _They are so fucking dead…and fired. Not in that order._

She stood there staring at him like a dumb animal scared frozen, heartbeat quickening like a bird fluttering in alarm. She forced herself to stand up straight, refusing to show him anything upon her face, nothing that she was feeling. Her mask slipping comfortably around her, the only thing she was able to hold on to lately. She licked her lips noticing his eyes flick to the movement and linger like an invisible caress. The parched desert in her mouth holding her voice prisoner as it sank beneath scorching sand.

"Hi." She finally managed, voice low and unreliable. Mentally balking at her lame half-assed attempt at finally speaking, head swirling with all the things she really wanted to say. Fuck off and kiss me, higher than most on her chain of commands.

His eyes softened while he stood mutely staring at her, the corners of his mouth turning upward into a subtle smile. The melancholy feel of it changing the atmosphere around them into a thick pool of those unspoken words that still stood between them.

"Hi." He whispered back, taking another moment of their quiet exchange before he took one slow step, and then another, closing the distance between them. Why did he seem so confident? Wasn't he wondering the same things as her? The questions and unknown answers.

Kolyat silently stared down at her. The sapphire pearls emerging from their dark depths roaming over her hair and face, dropping lower to her arms as she felt his fingers trail over her skin briskly. A single moment of gentle ease before he pulled them away. She licked her lips again trying to find the air in the room, his hand reaching up to brush the hair on the side of her face, fingertips grazing over her cheek and down to the side of her chin. Shepard closed her eyes, feeling herself lose the fight. Warm smooth scales sending waves of serenity spreading throughout her core. She had found herself missing him these last few days. Worried about wanting to feel that way again with someone.

"How are you feeling?" He asked gently. The emotion in his voice catching her off guard. She expected anger or flared tempers for purposefully avoiding him. Accusations and colorful words to accompany her shitty days of the silence she gave him. The fear of what she learned from Feron making it more real. What she knew was happening between them. He couldn't possibly feel that way, could he? It was too soon. Wasn't it?

"I'm fine Kolyat. What are you doing here?"

Shepard pulled herself away from his touch, slowly, trying to get some distance between them, turning as she clicked the safety back on her pistol and placed it upon the surface of her desk. She made sure to be conscious of every movement and step, careful not to give him any indication of what his presence was doing to her in this moment. She heard him take in a shallow breath. The material of his C-Sec jacket shifting when she sensed him take another step closer to her.

"I tried to see you…you never called or contacted me."

"I've been busy." She returned immediately, mentally wincing when it came out harsher than she meant it to.

"Too busy to even send me a message? Just a few words? Hello, even?"

There it was. The build-up of the anger he probably had for her now.

"I needed some time." She admitted quietly. The simple truth of why she had been avoiding him finally spilling out. She closed her eyes and frowned from his silence, turning to look at him when he started to speak again.

"I…I understand...but I just wanted to hear your voice, just wanted to see you. Even if it was spent in silence while you worked. I wouldn't have minded. Just being with you." Kolyat snorted in distaste and sighed, running a hand over the top of his head absently. "Gods that sounded needy."

 _And sincere._

"Not...terrible" She smiled thinly not entirely sure if she was trying to convince herself or him, or how much she liked it actually sounding.

Kolyat laughed gently, the smooth rumble, void of its usual depth. He shook his head like he wasn't at all convinced by her words. "Have you thought about me at all?"

 _Every fucking second._

Shepard looked down and remained silent, turning to go back to her desk trying to occupy her hands. Anything at all to keep herself from reaching out to him and admit to everything she was feeling. What she found herself wanting to feel for him. She should just tell him to leave, right?

"Kolyat…" She tried to start, gasping as his hand touched her side and smoothly snaked around her hip. Shepard stiffened slightly in his hold, exhaling jaggedly when she felt his lips at her ear, his other hand guiding her hair from her shoulder, to ghost over the curve of her neck.

"I've missed you." He purred against her, lips grazing the arch. She heard him inhale deeply. A low rumble of approval just as his grip on her tightened in assertion.

"I haven't been able to stop thinking about you." He continued.

Shepard closed her eyes and sighed, leaning back on her heels slightly against him, unable to admit out loud that she had missed him too. The hand on her hip sliding around to slip over her stomach, fingers spread wide, stopping right below her breasts, his other now trailing to her thigh to bunch her skirt languidly within his palm.

"Tell me you've thought about me."

She gasped quietly, a short burst of realization when his fingers guided the side of her skirt up and over her hip, slowly sliding over the front of her thigh. She reflexively grabbed his hand to try and stop him from moving any further resulting in a deep throaty chuckle, another purr meant to calm and reassure her.

"Have you thought about how I felt…how I smelled?" The smooth hum of his voice vibrated over her skin making her flesh prickle in anticipation as he nipped her neck gently before the heat of his tongue trailed over her frantic pulse. His lips sending jolts of immediate yearning through her body. His lips trailing down to the sensitive area of her collar.

"Tell me you've thought about me beneath you."

 _Oh God…_

She closed her eyes from the sensation of his breath on her throat, her mouth wanting to lie and scream no, while her body longingly wanted more. She felt his teeth at her shoulder biting the spaghetti strings of her dress, pulling the strap down the curve of her shoulder, falling down her arm like the last remnant of her will. She had remembered. That was the truth of it. She had remembered it all…and she had wanted to remember it again. Longed to experience it again.

"Tell me you've thought about how I felt inside you…"

 _Holy hell…_

Shepard pulled her bottom lip into her mouth and bit down, trying her best to muffle the moan that escaped as his hand delved around, his fingers brushing over the lace of her underwear, a gentle caress over her core. That exact spot that he learned would make her come apart. She heard the till of arousal vibrate in his throat giving voice to the pressure building in her body when he brushed against her again. The anticipation and edge of restraint being washed away as desire flooded her senses. His smell and touch overwhelmed her, hot spice mixed with alien musk that warmed over her body as he fed off her feverish rise.

"Kolyat…" She moaned again as he pushed his hips against her backside allowing her to feel the massive hardness of himself through his uniform pants. She shuddered at the thought of it, remembering in full clarity how incredible he had felt surging into her. How hard and perfect he had felt over her. His fingers skirting just beneath the edges of the lace now, fingertips dancing so close to push past that last flimsy barrier, the motion she started trembling for.

"I never got a chance to tell you how incredible my name sounded on your lips." Kolyat breathed against her, the hand on her stomach sketching a path between her breasts to her neck, caressing her throat. He lingered when his thumb touched her lips, her teeth grazing the edge of his skin, a light nip, a quick flick of her mouth, jagged breaths picking up speed when he moved to bunch her hair in his palm, tilting her head to access her throat. The hot tip of his tongue licking her pulse point again.

She couldn't stop her trembling, and now she didn't want to. Her whole body was on fire and the desire that coursed through her veins was overpowering, blocking out everything but the feel of him around her. His presence, the only thing that felt real. Shepard brought one of her hands up to wrap around the back of his neck, holding her steady against him in silent urging, his fingers arching to dip under the waist of her thin undergarment. She knew she was more than ready for him.

He bit her neck roughly, another gasp leaving her throat just as his fused digit trailed over her slit pulling her against him harder, his fingers dipping past her outer folds to bury them within her teasingly. He growled in arousal as he started a steady caress, her body succumbing to his touch willingly.

"You're already so wet for me."

"Please…"

 _Holy shit. Was that my voice?_ She almost didn't recognize it through the haze of desire and low moans of pleasure. Her hips moving against his hand wanting more, her back arching against his stomach as her need intensified. Kolyat cursed loudly and withdrew his hand, leaving her no time to process it before he spun her in his grasp leaving her dazed from the sudden movement, his lips crashing against hers.

His kiss was passionate and hungry, leaving her head spinning when he pushed against her, guiding her hands around his neck deepening it with everything that he had. Kolyat's taste filled her mouth, spice and a decadent richness that was just entirely him, his tongue sweeping against hers as if he couldn't get enough. His hands were on her ass, grabbing firmly, and without warning he hoisted her up roughly upon the desk, leaving her with just enough time to yank her hands back and steady herself.

Shepard felt the gun at her fingertips, the files being shuffled around, and without care she pushed everything away, listening as her keyboard and intercom hit the floor, papers scattering wherever they fell. Kolyat released a breathy chuckle as he moved against her pushing the remainder of her things away from them, the metal of her gun sliding over the surface just as her fingertips danced over his frills. He growled roughly, the sound deep on the precipice of dominance as their kisses grew in frenzy, until he pulled away to nip once more at her throat, tilting her head up to give him all the access he wanted, succumbing to his touch.

"You have no idea how fucking good you taste, do you?"

His voice was dark and sensual, his tongue licking her roughly before his teeth grazed her, biting down again as if emphasizing his point. His kisses and movements passionate and wild, lost as he gripped the hem of her dress, yanking it up around her waist, lips trailing to the front of her throat and collar. She shuddered and moaned his name again. The feeling of his scales on her flesh scorching and overwhelming. The edges of his fingers gaining ground, fiercely tugging the top of her dress down, exposing her breasts, wasting no time in covering them with mouth and hands, teeth and tongue, twisting and biting, sucking and pulling.

 _Oh God…what a mouth._

It was too much, and not enough, incoherent words tumbling from her lips hoping to urge him on. She couldn't believe how amazing he made her feel, how lost she could get in him. His hands were at her underwear pulling them off, vaguely aware as they moved down her thighs, not giving a fuck where they went, just an obstacle, just a last piece of cloth preventing him from taking her. She just needed to feel him. She just wanted him inside her again, filling her up, drowning out everything else.

"Kolyat…" She almost choked out, watching him through the haze of desire as he dropped to his knees, hands trailing up her thighs, leaving fire in their wake. He kissed her knee urging her legs apart, his eyes, black bottomless pits of hunger as he stared up at her in fathomless yearning.

"Please, let me. I want to lick you until you're so overwhelmed you dig your nails into my shoulders. I don't even care if you draw blood. I want you so lost you're begging to cum on my lips."

"You're way too good at talking like that." Her voice escaped, barely audible through the tightening of her throat.

"That's because I want you to beg for my mouth every time we're together from now on."

"Fuck..." She croaked. Another shiver. Another rumble of male satisfaction.

"I know you like it. I can smell how much it turns you on…I want to taste it again."

He dipped his tongue into her before she had a chance to object, a quick flick that left her stifling back a whimper from the perfect texture and movement. The roughness of his tongue, the dirtiest kind of right. In a few strokes she had already lost herself, rocking her hips, wanting his mouth on every part of her he would take. All of her doubts disappearing behind frenzy. All that mattered in this moment was how much she wanted to cum for him.

Kolyat urged her legs wider, pulling her into his mouth, circling and touching just the right parts. Why did this feel so much better than the first time? Forcing her eyes open Shepard look down at him, watching his tongue move against her, his frills engorged and darkened into a deep burgundy. The color of his scales keeping her entranced as she tried to focus on the green and teal undertones. Her body was on fire, a beg tumbling from her mouth.

"I need you. More, please…"

He hesitated and looked up at her, his dark eyes meeting hers in scorching passion. The heat and intensity of them bringing her to the edge quickly. The endless abyss shining back at her with the same fervor. He grinned smoothly, nipping the inside of her thigh.

"Do you have any idea what your voice is doing to me, your taste…your smell." He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, a moan of approval vibrating from his frills. The sound of it pushing her to the edge of sanity. Frantically she grabbed the collar of his jacket, yanking him upward. He succumbed willingly, allowing her to press her body flush against him, covering her mouth over his.

His hands were everywhere as he devoured her. His tongue circling and pushing against her to allow the taste of herself to slide down her throat. The exotic rich musk mixed with her own heady passion. Her fingers were at his belt now, forcing the buckles loose, fumbling against the metal impatiently. She pulled on the claps with unchecked desperation, feeling as if she might go crazy if he didn't take her right then and there. His deep guttural snicker of enjoyment rumbling through her just before he pulled back to lick her lips, helping to free himself from his trousers. His hardness now exposed to her.

In one fluid motion he lined himself up and surged into her in a single thrust, forcing a loud cry of ecstasy from her throat from the overwhelming pleasure, the borderline pain from his quick intrusion. Shepard wrapped her legs tightly around him grasping at the edges of his jacket desperate for something to hold on to, feeling as if she was freefalling into the sensations that Kolyat created. She felt him push against her slightly angling her back. One hand reaching behind her to help steady himself while the other grasped at her lower back, giving her a moment to adjust to his girth. She felt him tremble against her, his breaths coming out labored as he pulled out slightly to plunge right back into her, forcing another cry from her lips.

"Fuck…the sounds that you make." He growled against her neck taking another long moment before making a slower agonizing push within her, the urge to cry in frustration causing her whole body to quake in his hold.

"Do you want me to beg?" She pleaded rotating her hips, forcing that sweet friction she urgently needed.

He moaned thickly, listening as he sucked in a quick gulp of air, hot breath on her neck. This time he did not deny her. Grabbing her firmly he pumped himself hard and fast, his own waves of compulsion consuming her as his movements turned jerky and wild, perfectly filling her. She took everything he offered and she cried out for more, her pants and pleas encouraging a snarl from his throat. His sounds enhancing the pressure building deep within her, beginning to blossom out as an inferno bubbled within. Her breathing picked up speed while Kolyat engulfed her, the first tremor of budding release running through her body.

"I'm close." She voiced frantically, saying in desperation what he probably already knew.

"Cum for me Sarah. Show me what I do to you."

His thumb found her clit and he rubbed her roughly, pushing into her as deep as the angle that he took her in would allow. Wrapping her fingers around his neck she pulled his lips back down to hers hungrily, hips grinding against him as all coherent thought left her in a ball of sensation. The only thing that existed was Kolyat and the pleasure he was about to rip out of her, and the sound of her wanton cries.

In a few more strokes she was screaming her release into his mouth, her nails digging into the material of his jacket, roughly grasping onto it as she rode out wave after wave of incredible bliss. His tongue touched her deeply, his loud moan turning into a sensual growl, an erotic snarl erupting from his lips as his release followed shortly after.

She could feel the heat of him as he erupted inside her, the shudder of his body against her as the swell of him forced her over the limit, continuing the torrent of pleasure to barrel through her, over and over, until she was nothing more than a ball of empty tranquility. A perfect quiet taking root within her. Slowly, her hands slipped from the edges of his jacket and his hands came around her just as she was about to fall back against her desk, a purr humming from his lips.

"Easy." He whispered, embracing her gently against himself. Soft kisses blanketing her temple before he nuzzled affectionately. Frills slipping over her cheek, a drells love caress. She bit her lip and whimpered when he started pulling free from her. Her first thought, how much she wanted him to push back in and continue. Her hands sliding languidly over his shoulders to hug him, taking a moment, learning to breathe again. Cupping her face, he brushed his nose against hers tenderly, kissing her lips chastely, inhaling her scent into himself.

"Have dinner with me tonight." He murmured, a light chuckle erupting from her lips. The craziness of his timing.

"You know, normal people ask each other out before they make them cum a few times."

He paused and licked his lips. A smug smile spreading across that perfect pouty mouth. "Then I guess I owe you several dinners now, to make up for the other night."

She couldn't help the smile that blanketed her mouth, his fingers lingering over her skin as he teased the flesh of her arms, adjusting the top of her dress and straps. "I don't know if I can walk just yet."

"I'm taking that as a compliment." He snorted in joy giving her another soft purr, running his fingers through her hair. "I'll clean you up. Do you still have cloths in the drawer by the couch?" After voicing her approval he pulled away from her gradually, lingering his touch as he moved almost reluctantly. The fluttering in her stomach hard to ignore as she watched him move towards the table and grab two cloths from the drawer.

"A moment." He said, disappearing into the bathroom, allowing her an instant to herself. Hearing the run of water while she adjusted her legs on the desk, still relishing in the afterglow of the incredible orgasm he had just given her. When he emerged from the little room, his pants and jacket were perfectly adjusted, minus the slight crinkle of the lapels she had grasped under her hands like a mad woman falling from a cliff. A frown thinned her lips as he approached her, his eye ridge quirking as he studied her displeased expression.

"Now, what could have happened in the single minute I was gone, to make me deserve such a look?"

"You seem completely composed. If you were human, your hair would be ruffled, or your skin would be red. I probably look like a complete mess right now." Kolyat laughed throatily stopping in front of her, running a fingertip over her throat tilting her chin up to meet his gaze.

"Trust me, you look beautiful, and there is nothing composed about how much I want to strip you completely bare, and lick every single inch of you. I said I wanted you to beg for my mouth, but honestly I just want to stay on my knees and drink every last drop of you."

"Jesus Christ you have a dirty mouth."

Another slow grin pushed across his lips, the sapphire emerging brightly just as he dropped to his knees before her. His hand slowly running back up her leg.

"Would you like to see exactly how dirty it can be again?" He nipped her inner thigh quickly making her gasp in surprise. The tingling sensation tightening her insides as eagerness threatened her once more.

"Fuck…"

"I'll willingly make you cum again, this time I'll make sure it's on my lips."

"Stop." She spoke on a breathy whisper, a beg, touching his shoulder to persuade him to halt his lingering breath on her leg. He chuckled throatily, that masculine gurgle that men did when they knew exactly what type of effect they had on you.

"I understand. Narissa said you had someone arriving soon to see you."

He trailed the warm wet cloth over her body, slowly cleaning the proof of the intimacy they had just shared, being extra careful over the parts that were most sensitive. After he took the second cloth and dried her he stood and leaned back into her, sweeping the back of his hand softly down the side of her face. Looking up at him, she met his eyes steadily, unable to hide her smile. His soft gaze full of warmth and enjoyment. Her first instinct to reach out and kiss him again but knew that would only lead into a new round of heated exchanges.

 _Why can't I control myself around him?_

"Kolyat…" She swallowed roughly, her tongue now feeling too big for her mouth, watching him lick his lips, the dark red appendage sending waves of desire to unfurl back within her. "Can you get my underwear please?" She forced herself to say. He smirked and pulled away, looking around until he spotted the discarded fabric that lay in a small pile completely forgotten. He grabbed them and hesitated, grinning wider as he stared at her, rubbing his fingers over the lace texture as if thinking, before slipping them into his pocket.

"Seriously?"

"I'll consider it a parting gift. You can have them back when you meet me for dinner tonight."

"So you're going to hold my underwear hostage until then?"

"Come and get them if you want." He challenged darkly, his eyes brightening for a single moment before they disappeared behind his narrowing gaze. The pull of his sultry expression forcing her to glance away to gain back her footing against him.

"I didn't say yes."

Shepard slipped herself off the side of her desk, holding down her dress and adjusting the straps before running a hand through her hair to help smooth it down. Kolyat frowned as he watched her sit upon her knees beginning to pick up the papers that were scattered over the floor. He knelt and helped her, grabbing her keyboard and a few other discarded items handing them to her carefully.

"You already have plans tonight." He stated most likely thinking that could be the only reason for her to refuse him. "Tomorrow then? I'm keeping your underwear though."

She snorted and shook her head. "Why do you want to have dinner with me?"

"That's not a serious question is it? I'm asking you out. For real this time." Kolyat rose and placed the rest of the stuff on her table, holding out his hand to help her rise to her feet. His hold on her hand lingering as he stared down at her in pure conviction. "Go on a date with me. I know you want to."

There was no doubt in her mind how much she wanted to see him again but what he felt for her…no, she had heard him wrong. There was no way he had said Kira to her. Her translator had glitch which was probably the logical reason. He said he needed her… but was that all talk? A way to calm her down from the edges of despair, desperate to say anything to prevent her from finishing what she had started?

"You don't have to feel obligated to go out with me just because we had sex. It doesn't have to be that way."

His smile fell, ridges scrunching together as his gaze hardened. "Obligation? Is that why you think I'm asking you?"

"What else could it be?" Shepard shrugged indifferently. Better to turn him down and end it now, call it for what it was, than fall deeper against his allure. She turned back towards her desk ready to make sense of the mismatched pages, glancing around for her datapad just as she felt his fingers wrap around the crook of her arm.

He spun her quickly and she had to fight against her automatic defenses ready to strike at him, her body tensing in alarm, his lips colliding against hers, slipping her easily against his body. Wrapping his arms around her, he kissed her in dominance, the till from his throat letting her know that he wanted her to submit to him. She couldn't stop herself from kissing him back, her fingers skating over the ridges on the back of his head, his tongue challenging her, seeking entrance. His hand touched the base of her back and the feel of how she fit against him made her push back in terror.

If she continued to let this happen, he would destroy everything that was left.

"Stop." She released on a battled whisper, letting her hands drop from his shoulders, his own hold loosening, allowing her distance between them as she backed away. His eyes followed her like a predator, lips thinning out into displeasure. She could tell his patience was dwindling.

"You can't possibly think you are just a fuck? Not after all the time we've been spending together. Not after what happened between us the other night. Not after what we just did!" His voice rose on the precipice of anger, eyes narrowing in disbelief. She could deal with rage. She would make him see. This wasn't what he wanted.

"You got a chance to sleep with Commander Shepard. Twice now. A chance to experience the same thing Than-"

"Don't you dare fucking finish that sentence." He snarled cutting her off sharply, hands balling into fists at his side.

"Then what do you want me to say?" She yelled back before taking a deep breath trying to gain back her composure. What the fuck was it about the Krios men that made her lose it, take her out of her element? "Look Kolyat. You helped me the other night, but you don't have to feel responsible for me now. You don't have to force yourself to-"

"Force?"

"You don't really want this Kolyat. You said you wanted me. That you needed me, but I don't believe it. You want the idea of me." Her chest constricted in agony as she watched the expression on his face turn into shock and slowly slip back into rage. She forced her mask into place, the only thing she was still able to focus on. She stared at him, trying to shut herself down, trying not to feel as she built the barriers back around her heart.

"The idea of you? I could care less about who you are. I don't give a fuck that you're Commander Shepard. I don't give a shit that you're the hero of the Citadel. I don't care about anything you've done. What people want from you. What you can give. I don't care about any of that. That's not what is happening between us and you know it. We need time to talk. We need to-"

"Maybe that's the problem. Maybe you should care. What it would mean for us if-" She shook her head in denial. "Fucking you is one thing. Dating you is something else entirely."

She regretted it as soon as it left her lips. The disgusted sound that erupted from his mouth as he took a step back in shock and glared at her. "So you're saying I'm only good enough to fuck now? My feelings mean nothing to you?"

"We shouldn't date. It's not right. You shouldn't deserve-"

"Stop telling me what I should want or deserve! I don't give a shit about that. I give a shit about you. I want _**you**_ _!_ What can I do to make you see that? How many times do I have to say it?"

"We can't do this right now." She said dismissively not ready to accept how earnest he sounded, how honest his words seemed, how much it felt like her chest wanted to cave in. She walked towards her door getting ready to unlock it, his words dropping her fingers from her omnitool.

"Because no matter what, no one ever wins against you, right? No matter what I say, you'll always find a reason against it, won't you?"

"What the hell do you mean by that? I'm trying to protect you, don't you see that?"

"You're trying to deny yourself. You're trying to deny _me_ because you're too scared to know what actually might happen."

"Scared? You think I'm scared?" She bit out through gritted teeth, hands balling at her sides, adrenaline making her body shake.

"You don't want to allow yourself a chance. Like your punishing yourself. Is that really what you want?"

Shepard took a deep steady breath, doing everything to calm her trembling. How fucking dare he speak to her like that! "Not everyone can be saved Kolyat. You would do well to remember that. I need more time to think this over."

"So you're going to push me away, until you're ready to deal with it? Like I'm a fucking side mission?"

 _Asshole._

She ignored him and turned away, fighting every urge to grab the gun off her desk and ruin another jacket. Maybe throw him to the wall with a well-placed biotic throw. Maybe throttle him to the ground and try not to fuck him again.

 _Wait, what? He just pissed you off!_

Unlocking the door she stormed into the waiting room just as Narissa and Gary pulled off their headsets and stood up ramrod straight. Wide eyed horror blanketing their faces as their gazes moved between Kolyat and herself, the intercom mic being pushed to the side. What the hell was the matter with them? Did she miss something? When she glanced at the seating area her whole body stiffened in shock. Roger Donovan sat smiling brightly, rising as soon as their eyes met. His perfect smile doing nothing but making her sick to her stomach, feeling Kolyat come up close behind her, a low till letting her know that he recognized her discomfort.

 _Holy shit. What the fuck is he doing here?_

"You look lovely Shepard." Donovan said smoothly, giving her a dazzling smile but all she could focus on was Kolyat shifting on his feet.

"Donovan….Why are you here?"

He chuckled and glanced down, amusement dancing in his eyes. Did he think she was trying to joke around? Seriously, why the fuck was he here?

"Narissa said you were still with a client. I must admit, I am a little early but, I still have to make a good impression. Are you not available for our date tonight?"

"Date…right…that was today." Shit.

 _Worst…fucking…timing…ever…_

"Date?" Kolyat asked evenly glancing at her, eyes blazing in barely contained disbelief as he sucked his teeth. "Are you seeing this human?"

Before she had a chance to answer Donovan gave another dazzling smile, deep chocolate eyes sparkling in friendly enjoyment. Irises the same shade as her favorite coffee. The irony was being lost on her. "Not yet, but I was hoping maybe after tonight." He grinned broadly, flashing perfect white teeth that would make any normal woman swoon. Any girl, not her in this moment. "Although I was hoping you might be wearing that red dress again."

 _Oh God…why did you say that?_

"Red dress?" Kolyat's voice trailed off into a whisper, realization flashing in his eyes as he blinked and glanced at her with a stoic stare. "That was your dinner meeting."

The muscles in his chin twitched as the ribbing on his throat darkened, hands fisting at his sides, he licked his lips eyeing Donovan cynically. Thoughts he didn't speak swirling over his features as his gaze moved over him from head to foot. She said his name to grab his attention back to her. The black inky pools endless with savage beauty.

"We can continue talking later, ok?" At least she left it open. At least it would give her a moment to explain, even if it ended in another argument. "I'll call you."

She held her breath expecting him to yell, waited for the accusations and jealousy. She was prepared for a scene, especially after their heated exchange a few minutes prior. The shock she felt when his hands relaxed at his sides and he looked away blankly caused her nerve endings to prickle in dread and worry.

"It's fine Shepard. I understand now." He answered smoothly, voice now ambivalent and hollow.

 _What the hell did that mean?_

Donovan cleared his throat in discomfort, a neutral sound to try and break the awkward atmosphere spreading like wildfire around them. "I'm Roger Donovan, of Donovan Trades." He held out his hand for Kolyat to shake but he stood there and gazed at him blankly, staring at his outstretched hand unmoving, as if it was something insignificant.

"Detective Krios, C-Sec. I am not touching you."

Shepard closed her eyes and sighed, Kolyat's rudeness making Donovan glance at her in confusion.

"Drells don't shake hands, they normally bow. They don't touch others unless they are familiar with them."

"Ah. I see." Donovan's expression evened out, another dazzling smile lost on her. "I apologize if I offended you. I have never done business with your species, but I am always open to learn."

 _God damn. Why does he have to be so nice?_

Kolyat just stared at him unmoving, his whole shut down demeanor making her skin crawl. This wasn't like him. She could feel something shifting in the air around him.

"We should go Donovan." She motioned towards him tilting her head indicating for him to follow her. Donovan gave Kolyat a lingering look of curiosity and waved to Narissa and Gary who were both looking intently at their datapads trying to look busy.

"It was nice meeting you." Donovan smiled at Kolyat who blatantly ignored him and glanced past him to her, calling her name just as she reached the entrance.

"Please…don't…" She warned carefully allowing him one more lingering stare before he shook his head and grinned callously, his gaze averting to the ground.

"I guess we're done then." He voiced coldly.

Shepard swallowed thickly, her throat closing up as the pain hit her ribs like a charging Krogan. Her heart hammering so heavily, she thought it might burst from her chest. This was what she wanted, wasn't it? For Kolyat to realize she wasn't worth it.

 _Then why does it hurt so fucking much?_

"Yeah…I guess we are."


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21 - Decision 

_I'll call you, she says. When was she going to call? Tomorrow? Next week? A month from now? Only when she wanted to fuck - since apparently that's all she considers me good for?_

His chest felt like it wanted to cave in. The raw unrelenting pain forcing him into silence as he watched her walk away with that human male. He had nothing else to say to her, because he had never been in a situation where he actually wanted to keep the woman who was leaving with another male. What else could he possibly say to make her listen? She clearly didn't view him as any kind of priority.

 _She used you…just like every fucking woman before her…_

Kolyat clenched his hands into fists, his body shaking uncontrollably as the pressure in his chest reached a breaking point. Snarling in rage he lashed out violently, his hand shooting out viciously pushing all the files scattering into the air and across the waiting room floor. He couldn't remember the last time he had been so angry in his fucking life. _When you found out Zahria was cheating on you?_ No…he wasn't even that angry then. _When you found out your father had come back out of nowhere with this human woman in tow, butting into your life? Fucking everything up?_ Yeah, that seemed about right…fucking Shepard.

After a long moment trying to get his breathing back under control he noticed Narissa slowly falling to her knees, hands reaching out as she gathered the scattered paperwork. Closing his eyes he released a heavy breath, immediately dropping to his knees in order to help, sucking his teeth as his thoughts ran wild of the red headed woman who had just consumed everything left within him.

"I'm sorry, Narissa-"

"No, no. It's fine. I'll take care of it." She cut him off gently avoiding his gaze.

"No…I didn't mean…that was inappropriate. I'll pick it all up."

"Kolyat, there's no need-"

"I said I got this, ok!" He grit out in anger already regretting his outburst as Narissa froze in mid motion, hand lingering in the air as she went to pick up another piece of paper. Kolyat could feel his frills heat in shame, dropping his head he tilled in apology.

 _Gods, you are such an asshole._

"I'm sorry." He murmured remorsefully. Closing his eyes he brought one of his hands up, covering them roughly, his fingers rubbing the outer edges and over his upper cheeks taking another moment to calm his emotions from taking over completely.

This is why he never wanted to let people in. Never wanted to care or take the time to know someone. _They use you and they move on. Show you a glimpse and push you away. Why would she be any different?_

Gary called his name gently dragging him from the edges of self-loathing. He looked up at him carefully, taking deep steady breaths focusing on the green of his eyes. The human male approached him and leaned down, handing him a damp napkin, pushing his glasses up his nose, eyes soft and filled with sincerity. Kolyat blinked at him in confusion.

"What is that for?"

"You have lipstick all over your mouth."

Kolyat licked his lips and ran his index finger over the bottom swell, pulling it away noticing a light sheen of red coat his scales. No use in hiding it now, they had a general idea of what had just happened a few minutes prior. He swallowed roughly and looked away, thanking him as he took the napkin gingerly, wiping away the remaining evidence of what Shepard and he had just done.

"She's not serious about him." Narissa spoke up softly bringing his attention to the woman before him curiously. "If anything, she's going to turn him down."

"How do you know?" He almost didn't want to ask, because that meant he was still trying to hold on to some hope. He should have already known how this was going to end the first time he kissed her.

Narissa was quiet as she finished gathering the rest of the papers, rising from her knees, Gary taking her hand so she could adjust her long shirt around her legs. He mirrored her, rising to hand the papers that he had picked up before shoving his hands into his jacket pockets roughly. He needed to be alone and sort this whole mess out.

"Because I have never seen her look at anyone the way she just looked at you." Her voice cut through the emptiness growing within him.

"I don't think Donovan is her type." Gary tried to reassure also.

Kolyat grimaced shaking his head doubtfully. "I appreciate what you're trying to do but… whatever you think you know about us…" He narrowed his eyes and glanced up at the both of them. "You don't" He bit out viciously.

They both frowned in disapproval. Gary sucked his teeth and put a hand on his hip, green eyes blazing.

"Look…" Kolyat sighed, closing his eyes for another moment to gain back his emotional equilibrium. Why did it feel as if everything was propelling out of control? He opened his mouth to speak again, another apology. The only thing he could muster was a strangled shadow of himself. "It doesn't matter how she looks at me… it doesn't mean anything at all… because in the end… she'll never see meas anything more _."_

His body felt so heavy, anger slipping into deep rooted remorse. This was how it always went, wasn't it? Never anyone's priority. Just a passing experience. Something someone had to deal with until it was over. Something to be used and discarded. He thought it could be different. He wanted to be different for her. He wanted to make her his priority. He wanted that in return. Over time, he had no doubt she would slowly get better, and when the galaxy needed her, she would be everything that they needed. He believed in her. He would believe in her still. A woman who walked with angels and Gods. Someone like him should have been happy, just to get a glimpse. He wasn't worth much more than that. Just someone to get lost in sins and shadows, watching those more deserving to walk in the light.

"Are you in love with her?" Narissa spoke up, face hardening in determination.

Kolyat couldn't answer her, because if he spoke it out loud, than it would become so much worse than it already was, because he already knew the answer. He was in love with her.

Looking back now he knew he was intrigued the second he had first seen her on that catwalk. Curious and uncertain when she had fought to keep him out of jail. Angry but fascinated when he had learned about her and his father. Captivated by her the night he had seen her at the C-Sec ball, the moment his lips had touched hers. She had taken a piece of him that night at the safe house, stolen the rest the night they had danced.

 _Fuck…_

 _Fuck…_

He turned and left in a hurry, ignoring them as they called after him. He couldn't be around anyone right now, could feel the tears welling in his eyes as he stormed down the stairs. When he was free of the office he stood on the street in uncertainty, his chest on the precipice of collapsing upon itself, knowing the truth. It was for the best if they didn't get involved any further. Maybe it was right of her to turn him down for who knows how many times now. He was starting to get tired of it anyway.

Taking several heavy gulps of air he wiped his eyes making sure to bring himself back under control before he opened his omnitool, clicking on the last person he had called. The human male picking up on the second ring.

"What's up Kolyat?" Lukas asked with a gentle smile, his natural charm shining through in friendly warmth. He had never met his woman but he wondered if Ami had ever given him this much trouble.

"I'm just checking if you still need me today."

He glanced away for a moment, unable to meet the kindness in Lukas's eyes. _Please say no._ Silence stretched between them so long that Kolyat had no choice but to look back at him, wondering if maybe the call had dropped. Lukas stared at him solemnly now, lips now fallen in discontent.

"I take it, it didn't go so well."

Kolyat clamped his lips shut, gaze falling from the screen again trying to think of how to answer. Lukas had tried to help him. The least he could do was give him something about the results. "At least I finally understand now."

Lukas frowned and shook his head. "I'm not going to be the type of friend who calls the girl a bitch for hurting you, even if it makes you feel better. I'm sure she's actually really great, or you wouldn't even be interested. Rejection….It's never easy, and I'm not going to give you a bullshit pep talk that everything is going to be okay, or it wasn't meant to be, because that's total bullshit too."

Kolyat snorted and looked back at him, a sad smile forcing itself unintentionally over the edges of his mouth. Appreciating how real Lukas was being with him.

"We still don't have a case, so you're good today. Tomorrow I'm taking you to the shooting range. Fuck knows you're going to need something to aim at."

"Thanks Graham." He murmured.

"Don't mention it. See you tomorrow."

Lukas closed the program leaving Kolyat to his thoughts, his hands dropping back into his pockets, starting to make his way to the lower levels of the Zakera Ward towards his apartment. He wanted to get a drink but he just didn't want to be around anyone right now. He doubted it would have helped anyway. He kept lingering on one terrible fact.

She had almost mentioned his father. The pain of her comparing them too much for him to even fathom. Was that what was going on in her mind? Was she the one who was unable to separate the two of them? Was that the problem? Maybe it wasn't actually him?

He mulled this idea over as he reached his apartment, slowly letting himself in. Ignoring the lights as he went straight to his bedroom, sitting heavily upon the edge of his bed, mechanically unlacing his C-Sec issued combat boots, dropping them where they fell. Maybe that was the problem. She was the one who could not separate the two of them. Maybe he reminded her of the man she had loved before him too much, that being with him was hard for her. Was it possible he was hurting her more, by being with her?

Kolyat changed his clothes and laid down upon his bed, staring at his ceiling for a long time trying to clear his thoughts. He had never once found himself looking at someone the way he had looked at Shepard. He had tried once with Zahria, wondering where he had went wrong, seeing what Taran and Mira had, wondering if he could have that too. It was a lie of course. Zahria had been too caught up in herself and he had been too caught up in trying to make C-Sec work, that he hadn't realized how much she had used him as a stepping stone until it was too late. He had thought she had understood him. He had let his guard down, just enough for her to mean something. The reality check when he realized how little he meant making him party even harder after it was done for a while.

Relationships became one night flings. Female's things to be used, never wanting to waste any more time on knowing or pleasing them, only what he needed to take from them and move on. He only cared enough to know how hard they would let him fuck them, nothing more. Not even their names.

He realized now how unhealthy that was. The closer he got to Detective, the tangible his choices had become. When Shepard had begun entering the picture, it finally dawned on him, how fucked up he had actually been. Putting a halt on his previous way of life when she became all he could think about, because everything else started to wash away into the tide.

 _And now, I'm in love with her._

Fresh tears welled his eyes. Of course he would be in love with her, because everyone he attempted to love either left, or he had left in the end. Why would this end any other way…

If it was better for her… if it meant her happiness… if this was truly what she needed… if that human male was what she wanted instead…

 _Because I love her…. I have to let her go…_

* * *

"So...we're going to pretend that wasn't awkward, right?" Donovan commented coming up beside her, resting his hand upon the railing she was leaning back upon. She stared at the ground, her thoughts constantly on Kolyat's disheartened expression when he had said that he understood, his cruel laugh and disregard right after. A sinking feeling pushing her stomach toward her feet.

"Kolyat's not normally like that. It was just bad timing."

"I figured. I've never personally conducted business with one, but I always found Drells quiet and extremely polite in passing."

"Because of the Hanar." She replied crisply. If he only knew how untypical the Drells she associated with, really were.

"They share a home world, right?"

"Kahje." Shepard nodded and turned around, placing her hands on the railing staring out toward the fountains and gardens of the Presidium. She glanced at a small waterfall, the soothing sounds of the trickling waters dulling out the sluggish churning of misery in her gut. "Most Drells follow their respectful ways. Their upbringing and society is closely intertwined with the Hanar. I've been lucky enough to know a few."

"Must have been something. Your travels have taken you all over I imagine. Have you ever been to Kahje?"

"Once." She replied quietly, grasping the railing a little tighter, gaze focusing on the water, the rippling waves pulling her back to the brink of somber remembrance. "When I returned Thane to the deep." She murmured, licking her drying lips before turning to glance at Donovan.

"The deep?"

"When a Drell passes away, their bodies are wrapped in sea vines and taken into the water to be buried, or placed in an underground mausoleum by the Hanar. They believe the afterlife is a shore that they go to after their physical form crosses the sea. They will wait there until their loved one joins them."

His eyes softened and he smiled almost sadly, understanding easing his stance as he shifted on his feet. A slight chuckle and sigh as he came and rested beside her, leaning both elbows now upon the railing, looking out towards the gardens. A long silence before he spoke again, trying to change the melancholy atmosphere.

"So…ugh…Kolyat?" He asked apprehensively grinning when she glanced at him warily. "You do know I can tell when someone is sizing me up, right?"

Shepard laughed gently and looked back out at the gardens, focusing on the blues and yellows, the glowing luminescence of plants she had never seen before. Both of them slipping into silence as the minutes crawled on, her thoughts turning towards the male in question. She shouldn't have left him like that. She shouldn't even be here with Donovan. Thane's words coming to her so clearly in this moment, as undulating waters kept her entranced in the throes of ambiguity and doubt.

 _'When you see the lightning, the rising tide, allow yourself to be lost in the currents…'_

That's what Kolyat had started to become to her, a fucking typhoon. He was knocking down and destroying everything she had left within her. That last piece she was trying to hold on to for dear life, just barely staying afloat.

' _Do not fight the waves…'_

It was getting harder every time she saw him again. If it continued, soon he would pull her under completely, but was it really that bad? When he held her in his arms, the galaxy seemed quieter. The endless darkness, a little more hopeful. The emptiness inside of her…feeling again.

 _Thane would have wanted you to be happy…_

She had tried to blind herself to how Drells viewed relationships. She didn't want to see it because of her own moral and cultural taboos. Honestly, she had just been looking for any excuse. She was starting to see that now. Letting someone in again, anyone for that matter… scared the shit out of her.

 _Why am I even here?_

"Donovan…" She muttered squaring her shoulders and standing up straight, waiting as he turned to face her. The look in his eyes, already knowing of what was to come. He grinned and nodded holding up a hand, shaking it in dismissal.

"You don't have to say anything."

"I do….I'm sorry."

"Don't be…I can open up an extranet link on the missed connection forum or something. 'Saw you in the Presidium Gardens, thought you were beautiful, but your mind was on something else.' I can make it romantic and sappy if you want."

She quirked her lips trying to fight back a smile from his laidback teasing, grateful he wasn't making it weird. "You can embellish it a little more if you want. Make it dramatic. I only know dramatic."

"Dramatic?" He hummed as if thinking before grinning. "Should I make up a story? Saw you standing there, blue dress mesmerizing. You tripped, I caught you in my arms, and I asked if you were alright. You looked at me and said, Mr. you just touched my backside. You slapped me. I should have asked you for your number. Alas, it was never meant to be." Donovan pouted and sighed theatrically but all she could do was scoff from his use of language.

"Don't use backside."

"Oh, ugh…too much?" He coughed into his hand in embarrassment, chuckling in slight discomfort.

"If you don't say ass or tit. I'm going to be horrified." She retorted crossing her arms over her chest haughtily. Who still used the word backside? "It wouldn't have worked out. I hate golf."

"I don't like to drink, or curse."

"Really? You don't curse? Well…Thane didn't like to drink and I think I only heard him curse a handful of times, but that's not as bad as you liking golf." She wiggled her nose watching as Donovan laughed heartily, his expression softening while he shook his head, amazement on his features.

"You truly are a remarkable woman Shepard. It was a pleasure to have made your acquaintance. I wish the best for you. I really do."

"I wish the best for you too Donovan." She returned truthfully.

After their goodbyes and a promise to keep in touch he left her in the gardens. Her mind once again wandering to the male she had previously been with. The taste of Kolyat's mouth still lingering on her tongue. Sighing deeply she sat down on a nearby bench looking out over the small waterfall. She had come here once in a while, trying to clear her mind. The trickling water reminding her of the sounds of her home back on Earth. The pond in her backyard that her mother had refused to demolish when she had restored the old manor. The sounds soothing, always giving her clarity when her thoughts were a mess.

 _I was in the wrong._

Kolyat had been nothing but open and honest with her, showing her a side that she never thought he could ever be capable of. He was smart and passionate. Strong and willing to learn, to help those who genuinely needed it. He wanted to change lives, taking the first step in changing his own. He had shown her compassion and care, friendship and reliability. He kept pushing her, trying to show her how he felt and she had been nothing but cruel and dismissive.

She had really liked spending time with him, joy filling her as soon as she caught a glimpse of him. She hated the feeling of having to fight him on everything. Fight herself with wanting to feel for him. She hated herself with how she was treating him too. He didn't need more psychological bullshit, especially from her.

' _Let me be the one to help you shine again.'_

God, he had been so romantic that night. Gentle and sweet. He had poured his heart out to her in the moment she had needed him the most, and she had been open to everything he had confined in her about. She understood why he was hesitant to expose his thoughts to anyone, his past easily a deterrent for others, but for her, she looked at it as his strength. You survive and get stronger. Eventually the ache will go away. She would never look at him any differently. Someone so beautiful and growing with renewed purpose every day.

That was it, wasn't it? What she was feeling? The pain and anguish making her lose herself, and he had been right there to scoop her up, helping her find her feet. Kolyat had wanted to help her. He cared about her enough to really want to understand, know everything if she allowed it.

Shepard opened her hands palm up, staring down at them for a long time in emptiness before balling them into fists upon her lap. He should have walked away several times over with how she had treated him, but he had persisted. He kept telling her over and over and she had just thrown it back in his face instead. That couldn't have been easy for him, especially since he had admitted to never letting himself before. He had closed himself off from everyone and everything, and now he was trying to convince her to take a chance with him. He wanted to open up to her as much as he wanted her to open up to him.

 _God, you are such a bitch…_

She couldn't do that to him. She was nothing but a fucking hot mess; screwed up and probably damaged beyond repair. She didn't want to; she wanted keep fighting but, part of her wanted to feel again. It was exhausting, that feeling, and she had hated how empty everything had suddenly become. Only feeling something now when she was with him. Kolyat Krios, of all fucking people.

 _I need to take the chance._

Tears escaped her eyes, rolling down her cheeks as Thane came heavily into her thoughts. How much she loved him. How much she missed him. Would he have cared if it was his son that she had found solace in? She smiled bitterly wondering if Thane was watching her from beyond the sea. Would he be angry at them…or would he be accepting? She wondered if Irikah was with him watching too. Would she be pleased that she was falling in love with her son now?

 _Love…_

 _Shit…_

She was falling in love with him.

Blinking back her tears she wiped her eyes in budding determination. It couldn't end like this. She needed to finally be honest with him. She had to see him again… if nothing else to at least explain herself. To apologize, if he would even let her. She had her doubts that he would even give her a chance now… the shitty way she had treated him…but she had to try.

Rising from the bench quickly she took a deep breath and opened her omnitool hitting Kolyat's number before she lost her nerve. After five rings the call disconnected and she hit the button again in stubbornness, starting the call cycle again. Each ring dragging on, feeling like unending eternity, her stomach tightening in dread. What would she say when he picked up? I'm sorry, just didn't seem to cut it. Her stomach sinking when he didn't respond. He was probably pissed and ignoring her calls now.

Shifting on her heels she moved hurriedly towards the sky cars, holding her breath, hoping she didn't bust her ass while she hailed a cab and jumped in like her ass was on fire. Hitting the coordinates for C-Sec she tried one more time on Kolyat's number. Sucking her teeth from the same result when he once again ignored her call. Throwing herself back against the seat she crossed her arms over her chest and huffed in annoyance.

 _You don't like it when it's being done back to you now, huh?"_

Fuck. You. Conscience.

She stormed through C-Sec filled with purpose, people giving her curious stares as her heels clanked loudly against the tiled floor. She was going to find him and allow him the chance. She wasn't exactly sure what she was going to say, but fucking balls she was going to make him listen. Even if she had to shoot him again… or slap him… or fuck him. She would make him shut up with that dirty, amazing mouth of his until he heard her out.

She spotted Bailey immediately at his desk, his attention snapping to her in confusion. Probably from the 'hath had no fury' expression she was probably sprouting like a vengeful banshee at this point. Kolyat ignoring her calls had really pissed her the fuck off.

"Shepard, how can I help you?"

"I need to see Kolyat. It's important." She said curtly the determined look on her face alerting Bailey to something seriously wrong. His eyebrows lowered in concern, gaze narrowing astutely.

"He's not under my immediate command anymore, if he's here, he would be on the fourth floor, third division headquarters. If you don't see him, ask his partner. Detective Lukas Graham."

"Mind if I go up?"

"No. Go ahead. Is everything alright Shepard? Is something wrong with…?" His voice trailed off and he huffed glancing around in aggravation, eyes heavy and tense.

Shepard took a deep breath and calmed herself, realization making her change her impression. He was probably taking her sudden appearance and demeanor as something wrong with his family.

"No, nothing like that. I just… I just need to see him for something."

He stared at her a long moment, before finally nodding. The tightness in his jaw relaxing as his features smoothed out. Tilting his head he urged her towards the elevator. Her finger hitting the button harshly, pretending it was Kolyat's face. First thing she was going to do was punch him. He really had to ignore her calls now of all times, when she finally decided what she wanted to do?

 _What a jerk._

When the elevator opened and she stormed in, terrible thoughts started to make her waver in anxiety. What if he wasn't here? What if he went to a bar instead? She frowned as she hit the indicator for third division not entirely in the mood to start bar hopping in order to find him like a love struck stalker. Besides, he had already hinted that he no longer hit that scene. If she went back to her office, she could probably locate his home address and go from there, or even ask Bailey, although that might open up a whole slew of questions she wasn't ready to answer yet. But what if she found him? If he was angry enough, would he go and find some random female? Maybe he was fucking her right now and that's why he wasn't picking up her calls?

 _Don't be such an asshole. He wouldn't do that._

When she reached the floor for third division a few curious glances were thrown her way until a turian officer approached to ask if she needed help. Informing her the location of the office she was looking for, she ignored everyone else's whispers and continued on to her destination. Turning down a less active corridor, the third door on the right was slightly ajar when she approached. Good, no witness's if shit went down now.

One more deep breath. One more heavy gulp to calm her racing heart and she took a step into the doorway, chest deflating when she only saw a single human male sitting at the desk on the far right. He was lean with a narrow face, dirty blond hair that was brushed upwards and gelled back like a punk rock star. He was sitting sideways at his desk, black combat boots up upon the edge as he lounged in his chair lazily, a dark orange ball in his hands as he moved it back and forth. The white t-shirt he wore underneath his gun holster stopped right above his elbows, revealed a large amount of tattoo's, multiple colors and patterns, intricate designs that stopped right before his wrists.

"Excuse me. Are you Detective Graham?"

The male turned his head towards her quickly in surprise fumbling the miniature basketball in his hands letting it fall to the floor in alarm.

"Hey, yeah. Lukas Graham." He greeted, voice smooth and kind, standing in curtesy, one hand running through his hair before scrambling to grab a pile of folders he almost knocked over when he pulled his feet down. Sucking his teeth he smiled in amusement, her gaze moving to the back of his chair, a similar black leather jacket like Kolyat's draped across the back of it.

"Come in. Sorry about the mess. Don't let it deter you. Moving stuff around as my new partner gets situated." He looked up at her and smiled warmly, glancing around at the vacant desk, nothing on it except for a small computer console, a datapad and a few folders. She noticed a gun locker against the wall beneath a large dry erase board, a few large crates still left unpacked beside it. She couldn't help but smile. Kolyat must have been really excited to be getting his own office. He had complained once about having trouble concentrating out in the main area while he worked.

"Did I interrupt?"

He snorted and grinned wider, shrugging as he finished adjusting the pile. "Not at all. Was taking a short break….So, how can I assist you Ms.…oh, wow?" He sobered, standing up taller when their gazes met again. "You're Commander Shepard. Now this is a real honor. It's a pleasure to meet you."

He came around the desk fluidly holding out his hand to shake hers. She took it and nodded in acknowledgement, smiling back gently. "It's nice to meet you too."

"So, uh, what can I help you with?" His deep blue eyes now staring at her in curiosity, hands resting on his lean hips, noticing that he was almost as tall as Kolyat. She glanced at the empty desk again, certain now that he wasn't at the station.

"I'm looking for Kolyat Krios. Do you know where he is?"

"Krios? If this is about a case, I can help you now and Detective Krios will join us tomorrow to-"

"This isn't about a case." She cut him off keeping her voice neutral and calm. "Captain Bailey said you might know where he was, if he was still on shift."

Lukas stared at her vacantly, his blue eyes piercing as he perceived everything about her. She could tell that he was turning everything over in his head. Scenarios, words, information. She wondered how much he knew without letting it show. He was going to be perfect for Kolyat. She wondered if he knew that too. He would be able to learn a lot from this human male. Just by this short moment, she could already tell.

"I spoke to him a few hours ago after I dropped him off in the Zakera Ward. He's done for the day."

"Did he say if he was going anywhere after the Zakera Ward? Do you know if he went home?"

"Sorry. I didn't ask. I can call him if you want?"

"No." She blurted automatically. Lukas froze with his hand over his omnitool blinking at her slowly. How weird and awkward would that be if he picked up for Officer Graham and not for her? What the hell would she want him to say for her? "It's okay. I don't want to disturb him."

A smile lifted his lips languidly, his stance easing, features falling into friendly warmth as he crossed his arms and leaned back to sit slightly against his desk. Her eyes moved over his arms noticing skulls and shaded areas of tribal tattoo's and what looked like a python wrapped around the back of his forearm before she snapped her eyes back up to meet his. He stared at her a long moment before he finally spoke again.

"Are you a poker player Commander?"

"Sometimes?" She eyed him, quirking an eyebrow at the sudden unexpected question.

"I like it because it can tell you a lot about someone's character. The way they approach the cards mirrors how they approach life."

"That's an interesting concept." She acknowledged, wondering where he was suddenly going with this.

"It's true though." He nodded and smiled. "Think about it. A person who can easily break under pressure, you wouldn't want them to watch your back. If they get intimidated and constantly fold, you might see it as weakness, a perfect target to exploit. You can even gauge desperation. The best part though…the best part is the lie. The game forces you to read people, guess their thoughts or intentions. Do you walk away or run? Do you call? Do you make the bet? Are you able to see what their hiding? Did you guess correctly? Were you lucky enough to walk out with your clothes?'

"Why do I have a feeling you've left with someone's clothes?" Shepard snorted in amusement.

"Nothing like experiencing that walk of shame, I tell you, or being the one to cause it." He laughed wholeheartedly taking a minute to glance away and scratch his beard as if contemplating. After a moment of comfortable silence he glanced back at her, blue eyes shining kindly.

"I'm the type of person who likes to bet it all."

"That sounds dangerous. A mind set like that can get you into trouble."

"Not if you know what you're doing."

"I guess it depends on the hand."

Lukas held up his pointer finger and shook it slightly as he contemplated her answer, denial in his features. "That's where you're wrong." He retorted going back to his chair to take a seat, leaning down to pick up the fallen basketball, spinning it around in his hands. His gaze was far off before he blinked it away and met her stare with conviction. "You see, it's all about the risk factor and how willing you are to lose. The higher the risk, the more of the reward. Your career is a perfect example of a poker game. Play the cards right, you come out on top. Someone has a better hand or calls your bluff, you lose it all, but how do you get to that point?"

"Where are you going with this?"

"Bear with me….So, it's all about possibility, right? Chance. That, or you cheat. You count cards. Factoring in all the prospects, but you miscalculated along the way. You know the other person's cards. Everything right there for you to see. Plain as day. They call your bluff and now you're left wondering, fuck, I think I miss read it, right? You second guess, you chicken out and fold, you take the safe route. Try to keep what little money you have left. They lay down their cards. A pair of three's. They weren't scared to take the risk, and now you're left regretting."

Shepard grinned and kept his gaze having a feeling he suddenly wasn't talking about cards. The shrewd darkening of his serious stare trying to pull on hers and gauge her thoughts. _Jesus Christ, did Kolyat realize how good this guy was?_

Lukas grinned and paused knowingly. "You had a full house, and you folded under his pair of three's."

"What if he had a royal flush….and the right call was made?" She blinked slowly, narrowing her gaze to make sure her thoughts stayed hidden.

Lukas flashed his teeth and chuckled. "Either way, you folded, and now you're left regretting. If you had taken the chance and gone all in, a loss rather than giving up would have been so much better, don't you think?"

"You make poker sound like war."

"Hell yeah, it's war. You know how many 'friends' I've lost over a game? You want to test loyalty? Do it over a poker table. See whose still at your side when you steal their money, and their dignity."

She laughed and nodded unable to do anything but like this guy. "I think I'll keep that in mind if I ever take on a crew again."

"At least it will boost morale. Sometimes the revenge angle works pretty well too. So…" He trailed off breaking their gazes again, another scratch of his beard. Did he realize that she had just read him too? That mannerism and way of speaking to her, let her know, that his quirk meant that he had just made up his mind about something.

"You folded. If you realized your folly, are you ready to try one more time and bet it all? All or nothing?"

"What exactly do you mean by that?" She asked carefully crossing her arms over her chest playing dumb, knowing that Lukas probably didn't buy it. He threw the miniature basketball and made it through the hoop next to Kolyat's desk. Spinning in his chair he grabbed a pen and scribbled something on a small piece of paper before sliding it across the table for her to see.

"Kolyat's home address. In case you didn't have it. I'm going to bet it all. Please don't be a serial killer, though. That would really fuck up at least the next eighteen months of my plans."

"Are you sure you read me right? You trust me with this sensitive information? I've been known as the butcher of Torfan after all."

Lukas leaned back in his chair sluggishly, crossing his ankle over his knee, resting his laced fingers over his stomach, an impish grin pulling one side of his mouth.

"No offense, but I think Kolyat can handle you."

"You sure about that?" She laughed and challenged back defiantly. The seriousness of his gaze dulling her laugh to contemplation. His eyes hardening while he stared at her piercingly. All pretense of jokes aside, a long moment before he finally spoke again.

"Take the risk…. He might surprise you."

* * *

Shepard raced back through the Zakera Ward, following the map on her omnitool until she came to the building with the address Lukas had given her. She waited impatiently for the doors to open, not bothering with the elevator she sprinted up the stairs, heels banging loudly as she took the steps two at a time, making sure to keep her hand on the back of her skirt. She still needed to keep some kind of decency at least. She made it up three stories in record time and turned down a narrow hallway looking for apartment 309.

Halfway through the corridor, she found his door and immediately went to press the intercom but froze with her finger an inch from touching base. Taking another steady breath, she closed her eyes and hit the button. It was already too late to run, right? Holding her breath she waited in silence wondering what his first words were going to be. Fuck off and eat shit more likely than others as each second crawled into several agonizing moments.

Hitting the buzzer one more time her chest tightened in pain as her gaze fell to the floor. He wasn't home. Maybe it was better this way? Should she check Purgatory next? She doubted he would go back to Neon Rain. Maybe Chora's Den or Flux? Turning to leave she thought about all the possibilities of where he could be, her mind a complete torrent of thoughts and emotions she still wasn't completely ready to deal with. Maybe she should start at the lower wards and work her way up? Maybe his friend Taran at Drala'fa would have seen him, or maybe Forbidden Fruit? He said he went their almost every day and that seemed like a more likely place.

"Sarah?" She heard her name called softly, making her turn around towards the voice. Kolyat stood in his doorway, slowly opening it manually staring at her in trepidation, eyes narrowing in uncertainty. He was dressed in a tight black tank top, baggy black pants and no shoes. She looked at his feet and the black stripes over the tops, another at is ankle disappearing beneath his pants. "What are you doing here?"

"You didn't answer your comm."

Kolyat blinked at her slowly while he came into the hallway, glancing down at his omnitool most likely noticing how many times she had blown up his line when he raised one of his eye ridges. "I was sleeping." He stated plainly.

"Oh…" Her words faltered in distraction as her eyes trailed slowly up his body, across his hips and stomach, remembering the feel of his muscles beneath her hands. What his body felt like pushed against hers. The swell of him as he came inside her. She could feel her skin begin to heat, and she knew he could see the thoughts going through her head as his expression darkened and he huffed out a breath of annoyance turning his gaze away from hers.

"What do you want?" He bit out on the verge of loathing, jaw tensing as she battled herself on what to say. She immediately regretted thinking the worst of him. Thinking he went to a bar or picked up some random woman just to spite her. She knew he would never do that. She trusted him. It was time she started showing him. Squaring her shoulders, she stood up tall and marched straight towards him until she pushed herself flush against him. Wrapping her hand around the back of his neck, she grabbed him roughly and crashed his mouth down to hers in desperate need.

He tensed in alarm, only taking a moment from her coaxing in order to collect himself before he wrapped his arms around her waist and returned her kiss with uncontrollable passion. His hand slid over her lower back, crudely pulling her against the hard expanse of his chest while he assaulted her with tongue and lips. The seductive heady taste of him exactly what she needed, making her moan into him without inhibition. Nothing holding her back.

Her fingers slowly trailed beneath the fabric of his shirt, fingertips skimming over his taut abs, palms flush against his smooth scales. How she wanted to feel that softness pressed against her naked flesh. A violent hiss and then a jerk and he was pulling away so quickly it left her stumbling on her heels as she lost her balance and blinked up at him in shock. His cheeks darkened as he grit his teeth and hissed again, rage darkening his eyes into two endless black holes of unending darkness.

"What kind of woman are you? What game is this?" He seethed, eyes searching hers, fingers clutching in desperation at her upper arms, shaking her roughly onto the tips of her thin heels. If he let her go she would bust her ass and fall backwards. The devil knew she was going to take his ass down with her if that was going to be the case.

"I'm not playing a game." She answered back, voice breathy while she tried to focus past the heavy taste of him lingering in her mouth. How much she wanted to experience it again. He lowered her carefully back onto her feet and let her go taking a few steps back. Here she was practically throwing herself at him now and he was the one who was pushing her away.

 _How the tables have turned._

"Kol-"

"I can't do this… I thought I could but, I can't." He said quietly, his hands balling into fists at his sides, voice quivering, unable to meet her gaze. He might as well have punched her instead because the pain that hit her lungs was just as sharp. She swallowed roughly as he closed his eyes, turning his face away refusing to look at her. "I think you should leave. We can't keep doing this to ourselves."

"But I want you."

"Yeah?" He snorted in amused disapproval. "I already got that… but do you even care about me, or are you just going to continue using me? If you are…" He looked up at her, his breathing heavy, face raw, everything visible for her to see. All of his uncertainty and doubts about himself like an open wound, vulnerable and exposed. "I should be used to it by now… and in the beginning I wouldn't have minded but… I need to know where I stand now. I need to know because I…" He shook his head and looked away grimacing in trepidation.

 _Jesus Christ… I almost really fucked this up._

"I can't be lost again, it won't end well." He finished as he gathered his resolve, his expression shutting down, hiding the rest of his thoughts.

"I'm sorry about this afternoon." She returned gently trying to gain some ground that she was losing between them. "I just need to know if you still care about me as much as I know you do. Or did I ruin everything now? Tell me the truth."

Kolyat stared at her for a long moment before he let out a slow heavy breath, his shoulders falling in dejection. He rubbed the pentagram on his forehead fingers trailing over his head before letting them fall away.

"To the point that it hurts." He admitted quietly, her throat swelling as she found herself unable to breathe while he continued. "But that's the problem, isn't it? I was looking at everything the wrong way. You were the one hurting yet, I became the selfish one. I thought if you would let me… I could be what you wanted, what you needed, anyway you would take me. However… I didn't realize, in the process, how much I would be hurting you too." Kolyat took another unsteady step back, a pained grimace clenching his jaw tight, dark orbs still blackening into the void of turmoil. He took a shuddering breath, voice now wavering.

"I don't want to hurt you. I want you to be happy… and if that means I'm not there…" His eyes filled with tears. "If comfort is all you seek from me…"

What the hell was he saying? He didn't want to try anymore. He wanted her to use him as a fuck buddy instead?

"I want you to find yourself again. I want you to find your happiness… Father would have wanted that too… I want that now.

"Kolyat…" She wasn't exactly sure what to say. He cared about her so deeply. Why did she let it get to this point? How badly she had hurt him in the process too. She licked her dry lips still unsure of exactly what kind of relationship he wanted to have now. "You would be okay with me using you, until I found my happiness?"

Kolyat tilted his head downward and closed his eyes, slow steady breaths rising his chest gently for several heartbeats before he nodded and looked back at her. A sorrowful till escaping his throat.

"I need to walk away, right? It would be best, right? I should let you go yet…here you are and…I can't. At least I will know, that's all it is now."

He wiped his eyes and waited for her to answer him. The choking pain in her chest was overwhelming, squeezing her lungs so tightly that she thought she would never be able to find her voice again. Blunt agony making her queasy where no words could describe her anguish in this moment. He really didn't deserve this, but he wanted it. In any way, shape or form. If she took it, if she agreed to this… who was being selfish than?

 _You need to tell him. You need to show him._

"Kolyat… I don't want you like that." Her voice trailed off, watching as his eyes widened, tears spilling over his frills, mouth opening as if he couldn't find his words. He licked his lips and nodded stiffly. Another moment before he was able to speak.

"I… I understand."

It hurt so much to see him like this and she didn't want to anymore. Stepping forward she reached her hand up to cup his cheek, fingers wiping away the moisture, moving her body against him slowly angling his face down towards her. The pain so raw. She would do everything she could to never let him experience this again. "No, you don't." She murmured quietly.

"I do Shep-"

She made a sound to quiet him. Her finger placed gently upon the center of his lips. Not her first name. He was already trying to distance himself. She pulled herself completely against him now, her other hand sliding around the back of his neck, his body stiffening beneath her hold, eyes searching hers in confusion.

"Are you sure you're ready for all of me?" His gaze narrowed in uncertainty, trying to understand exactly what she was saying. "Are you sure I am what you want? I need to know if you're really ready for me. What I've done. What I'm capable of."

"Sarah…" He sighed taking a deep breath bringing himself back. "Nothing will change how I am starting to feel about you, but you have to understand what you did. You gave me an opportunity to show you what you meant to me and you let me be with you, than you ignored me for days. You let me fuck you, but then you go out with another male. I refuse to be treated like that again. I won't."

She glanced away and shook her head, understanding how messed up she had been in doing that. "I really am sorry. I swear to you, there's nothing going on between me and Donovan. I actually forgot that he was even coming. I'm not going to see him again. Besides, he knew there was something going on between us."

His gaze wandered over her face, body gradually easing under her touch, his fingers brushing her upper cheek to gently run through her hair and down her back. "Is there?" He asked, grabbing her chin to turn her gaze up towards his, expression dark and fathomless. "Because you don't seem like you want to admit it."

She swallowed roughly and took another moment, trying to find her courage. He let her face go and grasped her wrist pushing his cheek against her palm a little harder, tilting to ghost his lips over the side of her wrist. She couldn't believe how fast her heart was racing. At any moment she thought it might burst from her chest with how hard it was throbbing. He really didn't realize the effect he had on her. She needed to tell him the truth. She needed to stop looking for excuses. Stop lying.

"I was scared." She admitted dropping her hand, her gaze going with it in shame.

"Of what?"

"You."

"I find that hard to believe." He snorted taking her hand again to place it back upon his cheek. A muffled purr vibrating through his frills while he brushed her palms over his ribbing languidly. "Was it because I'm his son? Tell me the truth."

She bit her lip and looked away but he wouldn't let her. Brushing his hand over her jaw he urged her chin up with his forefinger to meet his eyes. There was no fighting the grown up talk. "Yes." She admitted carefully. "That, and what you said to me the first time we kissed. How you thought I saw you as his replacement. It made me start to believe that I was betraying him if I looked at you the same way."

Kolyat grimaced and closed his eyes while he took a deep breath. A heartbeat passing before he opened them and stared back down at her. Traces of his irises starting to surface.

"I should have never said that."

"But-"

"No. That was unforgivable. I was scared too. I didn't think that anyone would actually look at me, the way you looked at me that night."

"Like what?"

"Like I meant something."

Shepard dropped her hands while he allowed her to put a little space between them. They both had their own scars. Pain and doubts about themselves that skewed their views about the world and everything around them. Not each other. They didn't need to feel that way any longer with one another.

"I care about you, and you mean so much more to me than you realize."

His lips quirked up slowly, gaze softening, blue horizons breaking through perpetual darkness. She took his hand and guided his wrist towards her mouth, a drells silent declaration. He tensed and held it firm stopping her from putting her lips flush against the heartbeat on his inner wrist. She looked back up at him in uncertainty, patiently waiting after he quietly murmured her name.

"I know you will always love him, and I don't care who was in your heart before. Just assure me that there is at least a small part still open, so that I may be given the chance to fill it up over time."

She smiled sadly and shook her head teasingly. "You're really good at that smooth talk."

"I'm not smooth talking. I'm being serious."

"I know….That's what makes it ten times worse."

He growled her name in warning when she moved back to touch his wrist, once again guiding it to her mouth. Her cheeks were burning now, almost as hot as his gaze as he watched her. If eyes could ignite and consume you, than Kolyat was burning her alive. Her lips touched his inner arm and she heard him purr suggestively, moving closer against her to give her a better angle.

"I want you to be sure before you do that. Are _you_ ready for all of _me_?"

"I'm ready. I think I can handle you." She ran her cheek over the inside of his wrist as if she was trying to scent mark him before teasing her lips over his pulse, a light flick of her tongue. She grinned when she heard his breath catch right before her lips sealed firmly over the sensitive area, showing him that she was ready.

He laughed darkly and she pulled back to stare up at him. A low sensual deep baritone of male satisfaction vibrating in his chest as his lips spread into a wicked grin. He tilted her head back, a beautiful cobra ready to strike. Deep blue waters shining at her in desire.

"You know… there are other things that I am really good at as well. Give me the opportunity and I will show you over time." Kolyat didn't give her a moment to respond. His lips were on hers demanding acceptance and submission while he pulled her flush against his body, trapping her hands between them. She was more than happy to lose herself in the storm that he produced within her. It was time to take the risk and allow the waves surround her.

"Tell me you want me." He murmured darkly, pulling his lips away to bite her neck, a run of his tongue, hitching her breath, allowing a moan to escape her half parted lips.

"I want you." She almost stammered feeling his scorching tongue trailing towards her ear.

"Tell me you need me."

"Kolyat…" She trembled in his grasp.

"Tell me you want this."

"Yes… I want this."

He growled and kissed her again, deeper this time, his tongue capturing hers in possession. He let her move her hands now and they were everywhere she could touch, his face, his shoulders, the hard vastness of his chest and stomach. His hips pushed against hers until he guided her back against the wall, her lips never leaving his. His kisses were desperate and harsh, and she couldn't concentrate on anything else than his musk and scent. The exquisite aromas his body produced. She felt as if she was losing herself. She wanted to lose herself in him. She wanted to experience it all, to lick his frills, kiss his chest, and get lost in his ripped stomach. She wanted to know what his cum tasted like. His future promises and dreams. His hands were on her hips like a vice holding her to him, but keeping enough distance to make her shake in desperation.

"Kolyat…you should invite me in." She breathed between nips and kisses, running her tongue over the shape of his mouth, biting the swell of his bottom lip, pulling on it before sucking it gently. He moaned into her and chuckled deeply, pulling away to give her a chaste kiss upon her lips.

"I don't think we should."

Shepard smiled and drew herself away to look up at him, her hands holding his shoulders, fingers caressing the back of his neck. He smiled, bright and full of joy. His palms running over her upper arms, eyes glittering in amusement.

"This sounds familiar. Is this the part where I get to say something inappropriate and you get pissed now?"

"We both had our moments." She grinned up at him and watched as his face turned serious and dark. His lips falling into a thin line.

"I want to do this right."

"What do you mean?"

"I'll take you out tomorrow after I finish my shift."

"You don't have to take me out. A night naked in bed with you is good enough for me." Shepard kissed him lightly smiling into his mouth suggestively feeling how aroused he already was for her. Keeping his mouth closed he pushed her hips away again making her groan in objection puffing her cheeks in annoyance.

"I don't want this to be just sex. I want so much more than that."

"Kolyat-"

"Sarah, please…I want to do this properly."

"Fine." She gave in begrudgingly. "You win."

"This is not a game." He answered earnestly. His dark expression making her chuckle, another feather light kiss to reassure him, fingers dancing over the back of his neck as she followed a trail of stripes over his shoulder. She pulled away and met his gaze, grinning in enjoyment.

"Then why do I feel like you cheat every time you touch me and I'm powerless against you?"

"Funny… that's exactly how I feel about you. So we'll go out tomorrow? You won't disappear on me again?"

"Yes…I'll go out with you. I won't disappear, I promise."

"A date?"

She grinned and wrinkled her nose. "A date."

He kissed her again fluidly overpowering her, angling her head back and leaving her at his mercy. The spice of his tongue melting her insides, making her whimper for more. A loud cough alerting her to another person's presence. Pulling back she looked to her side. A light blue and silver plated male turian stared at them with a bag clutched in his hands. Mandibles flickering as he grinned at the two of them, feeling Kolyat pull away reluctantly.

"Sorry Latikus. Go ahead." Kolyat apologized making her realize that they had been blocking the narrow hallway as he moved them closer against the wall.

"No worries Kolyat. Enjoy the rest of your night." He grinned wider eyeing her and nodding as he passed. "Have a goodnight ma'am."

"You too." She smiled watching as he stopped in front of the door directly across from Kolyat's before disappearing inside. "Well… that will give your neighbor something to talk about now."

Kolyat snorted back a laugh and pulled completely away from her. "Latikus is a good guy. We've had a couple of drinks. He's been here longer than me. Give me a minute. I'll be right back."

"You're really not going to let me in?"

He eyed her skeptically as he turned to open his door, grinning broadly. "I don't trust myself right now, and my apartment is a mess."

"That doesn't bother me." She tried to reassure him but he just shook his head telling her to give him a minute once more before disappearing inside.

She stayed in the hallway, leaning her back against the wall, unable to hide the giant smile and giddy feeling swirling around in her stomach. She suddenly felt nervous but not in a bad way. The anticipation and excitement of finally being ready for this. A fifteen year old waiting for the boy she liked.

 _Stop it. You already fucked him dummy… twice… well more than twice… maybe we could count days instead of orgasms?_

He was only gone another moment before he reappeared, sporting his leather pants and combat boots, pulling on the black leather jacket she had bought him over the same tank top. The metal of his gun flashing in the lights of the hallway moving out of sight as he threw the leathers around his shoulders and over his arms. Holding out his hand for her, she grasped it in her palm, still feeling the sudden shyness rage war within her. His gentle pleased expression washing it all away in certainty.

Slowly and without speaking they spent time walking around the outer rim of the Zakera Ward, nowhere in particular, just hand in hand enjoying one another's company. For once in a long time she felt calm and at peace. Her heart was still going a mile a minute, but she just figured that was the effect Kolyat had over her now. Even on the transport back to the Presidium they were silent as he pulled her against his chest against him, his arm draped around her comfortably, resting one of her hands on his knee. His fingers gently guiding over the back of her knuckles in a soothing motion. When they reached the Lobby of the Gemini Towers Kolyat finally let her hand go, stopping to turn her to look at him. She smiled but grabbed his hand again playfully to pull him forward.

"You're not going to walk me to my door?"

"I don't think that's such a good idea." He grinned and murmured eyes trailing behind her to Jarrod who glanced at them and then back at his security monitors giving them their privacy, although she knew they were being eavesdropped on. Sarah pushed herself against his chest smiling shamelessly her finger trailing over the cotton shirt and up his chest, trying to give him her best seductive look.

"Just to my door. I promise I'll behave."

"Why don't I believe you?" He grinned wickedly as she chuckled back and turned walking towards the elevators, moving her hips a little more liberally enticing him to follow. She waved to Jarrod who smiled and stood to greet them both. Kolyat nodded saying hello as he trailed behind her into the elevator.

She kept quiet on the way up, thinking about all the naughty things she wanted to do to try and convince him to come into her apartment with her. Her body ached for him now, despite the fact that they had already been together in her office this afternoon. When they were at her door she turned towards him eagerly, his eyes softening when he gazed down at her.

"I really enjoy that expression."

"What expression?"

"Like you can't wait for me to touch you." He murmured, lifting his hand to her cheek, cupping her face in his palm, pulling himself down to her lips to lightly brush his lips against hers…. But she wanted so much more than what he was willing to give in that moment. She was about to show him how much.

Shepard grabbed the collar of his jacket crudely bunching it in her palms and forced her body flush against his, turning gentle into rough and desperate. He exhaled loudly immediately turning his face away as his hands snaked around her hips. She licked his frills and sucked gently on the folds instinct making him angle his head back giving her better access to his throat. A moan escaping his mouth as his eyes slid closed from her administrations.

A breathy hiss as he whispered. "You said you would behave."

"I lied." She returned arrogantly, sucking on his neck knowing that would drive him towards the edge of restraint. He groaned again, a shudder going through him. In a second he grabbed and pushed her against the wall devouring her mouth, his tongue plundering her like she was a treasure to be robbed.

She felt out of control. Her hands pushed under his jacket and around to the base of his back. His hand on her thigh now as the kisses turned into a frenzy of lips and tongue and overwhelming exotic spice. Grabbing her leg roughly he hiked it around his waist and pushed her up higher against the wall, pinning her body against his, her toes barley grazing the marbled floor. His other hand slipped to the dip of her back, being careful of her gun as she arched her back for more room. He adjusted them slightly when he realized his own started pushing into her ribs.

Kolyat pulled his lips away and bit her neck harshly making a sigh escape her throat, his hand reaching below the hem of her skirt bunching it over her upper thighs dipping down to the juncture between her legs. She was so hot and ready for him, her arousal making moisture coat her inner legs. She wanted to cry in frustration. His fingers were so close, so freaking close…almost there. He hissed as his hand went over the front of her realizing there wasn't anything there to stop him. She snickered throatily as he licked her neck again nipping a trail towards her ear.

"Did you forget that you stole my underwear?"

Hearing him groan deeply, his fingers trailed over her opening testing her moisture.

"Your smell is intoxicating…"

"Kolyat, please." She begged pulling her leg up higher, pushing herself against his fingers. She was vaguely aware of his labored breathing. The heavy rise and fall of his chest as he licked and bit his lip trying to find control. She didn't care anymore, she needed this. She needed him. He dipped his fused fingers between her outer lips and into her slowly. She gasped and gripped him harder in anticipation crying out in bliss as he pushed slowly inside and thumbed her clit softly.

"Oh God, yes." She whimpered out breathily, grinding her hips upon his hand. Another nip at her neck and he was finding a steady rhythm moving his double finger within her, the purr in his throat getting louder in arousal.

"More…please more." She pleaded. Her hands going to the buckle of his pants. She needed him inside her, needed to chant his name over and over if that is what he wished from her. She would convince him all night, if that is what he wanted. He growled out a curse just as she fumbled in determination, finally unlatching his belt, wanting to cry out in triumph, overcoming the worst invention ever.

"The security code."

"What?"

"What is your security code?" He demanded, withdrawing his fingers making her groan in protest.

It was just enough to make her think though. Stammering out her code he reached his arm out to hit the keypad on the side of her door, slamming his palm against the final button just as her tongue went back to his frills nipping at his sensitive flesh. He hissed once more as the door opened and she wrapped her arms around his neck as he hooked his hand beneath her knees and hoisted her into his arms like she weighed the same as a pillow.

He opened his mouth, allowing her tongue to claim his as she melted into his hold, more than willing to take everything he would give her and return just as much while he carried her into the apartment and towards her bedroom. Her last thought before passion overwhelmed her was that they had just given Jarrod a nice little show on the security feed.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Kolyat slowly brought his arm up and draped the back of it over his eyes. The light from the windows making him wince in denial. Was it morning already? Stretching slightly, he ran his other hand over the sheets beneath his pillow, the ridiculously soft material slitting his eyes open in uncertainty and confusion.

 _This isn't my bed._

He tensed fully awake now, opening his eyes in quick rising panic, turning his head to the side to see the woman still asleep next to him. His body relaxing instantly in relief as memories flooded his mind from the night before. Sarah still sleeping peacefully beside him. A languid smile falling upon is lips while he stared at her sleeping form wanting to commit every inch to perfect memory.

She was laying on her stomach, one hand cradled beneath her pillow, pale naked skin perfect and smooth, remembering how amazing it had felt beneath his hands, the blanket stopping at the hollow of her lower back. His gaze lingered on her hair, thrown haphazardly over her shoulder, concealing part of her face and the serene look of slumber. The ruby mass catching the rays of the artificial sunlight making it illuminate like a halo of fire. A soft glow spreading across her white sheets like a river of crimson jewels. She was a vision of beauty, angelic and ethereal.

 _Please, let this be real._

He turned slightly on his side, the back of his knuckles running down the expanse of her arm, moving a batch of waves from her shoulder. His chest tightened in male satisfaction, remembering how amazing the night before had been. The first time desperate and full of need. The second, languid and lost in emotion so deep, he never thought he would ever see the sun again. Only Sarah existed. Each time never lacking passion or desire, and then they had lasted for hours. There was never a time anyone had ever made him feel this way. No one else could ever compare now.

Kolyat moved to his stomach, sliding his body over hers, covering her gently. Caressing his scales against her skin. He made sure to keep his weight upon his hands, trailing kisses over her shoulder and down the arch of her back. A single touch would never be enough now. He heard her awaken slowly from his coaxing, a pleased hum escaping her lips as he glanced up just as his tongue reached the dip of her lower spine. He felt her arch, forcing his lips flush against her skin, a grin as he pulled away allowing her the room to press her hips against him teasingly.

Tranquil quiet enveloped his soul while his heart sped in joy. Smiling he adjusted himself kissing her shoulder again, desire unfurling as she moved against him, knowing she could feel how excited he was already growing for her, fighting the urge to rip the sheets from their bodies and take her again and again. The sound of her voice hoarse from screaming his name.

It would be the perfect start to his day.

"Just give me a minute and we can go again." She murmured against her pillow, the huskiness of her voice still wrapped in the edges of sleep making him purr against her back in delight. It looked like he wasn't the only one who thought about a perfect start to this day.

Glancing at her night stand he frowned and breathed out a sigh of aggravation noticing the time on her small clock beside the bed. He was going to be late if he allowed himself to continue on this particular path. Coaxing her, getting lost in her again. _Tu'fira._ Even without claim, every instinct bid him to remain at her side, give her anything she wanted. That dangerous realization allowing him to draw on every ounce of strength left and force himself to pull away, gently sliding himself towards the edge of the bed, careful not to disturb her. His eyes roaming around her floor until he found his underwear and pants. Did his shirt make it to the bedroom too?

He dressed quickly and quietly, finding his shoes on opposite sides of the room just as he was buttoning up his pants. Grabbing them he silently made it out into the hall, leaning against the hallway as he put his boots on and noticed his shirt near the front of the walkway. A grin spreading across his lips as he bent down to grab it, remembering how determined she had been when she pulled it over his head and ran her hands down his chest like she was admiring a work of art. The heat in her eyes completely undoing him. A piercing till had released from his throat, just as he had started ripping the dress from her body.

Kolyat reached the kitchen and found his jacket and holster upon the floor, a sinking feeling taking root in his stomach as soon as he lifted the material from the ground, adjusting his gun and straps around his chest. Rocks sinking his body into frozen remorse. He didn't want to leave her like this. Not again. Didn't want to treat her like the nameless women he had done this to before. He wanted things done properly between them. A fresh start. No doubts in what he wanted with her now.

 _Maybe another note?_ No, that seemed like a dick move the first time and it hadn't turned out as well as he had hoped. _Should I wake her up and say goodbye?_ Kolyat's eyes wandered to her kitchen as he mused to himself, his gaze lingering upon her new coffee machine, a smile spreading over his lips as an idea took hold of him. He opened his omnitool and checked how to work the machine, being careful to do the right measurements, checking her cabinets until he found a coffee cup, sugar and milk.

After everything was done he grabbed the cup and made his way back into her bedroom, carefully sitting on the bed near her hips, balancing the steaming cup upon his knee. He caressed her shoulder softly, whispering her name, fingers trailing over her upper arm in small circles, urging her to alertness. Releasing a hum of denial as she turned over to look at him, confusion slipping into bliss as their eyes met. A gentle smile forming over her lipstick smeared mouth. Was it weird that he was pleased at the thought of that provocative color smeared over his scales somewhere? Her own form of love brand, stark evidence of her ownership over him now.

"I smell coffee."

His expression mirrored her delight as she adjusted herself, pulling the sheet around her chest shimmying her body up against the headboard. Her hands reached out eagerly, carefully taking the cup from him. A sigh of pleasure leaving her throat just as she took the first sip. Licking her lips she hummed and met his eyes. Her emerald gaze running over him, darkening with a hint of seduction. That look he was starting to associate with the rest of her allure. Beautiful and irresistible.

 _To wake up like this every morning._

"Are you trying to bribe me because you have to leave?"

Kolyat smirked and took the cup from her with only slight resistance, placing it next to the bedside table before bringing his lips to the side of her neck. Whispering a moan she tilted her head to the side granting him more access, her nails gently scraping against the ridges on the top of his head as he trailed his lips over her throat and down towards her upper chest.

"Trust me… I would rather spend the whole day with my tongue on your skin."

Turning his body he placed his knee upon the bed, one hand going to the headboard to hold himself steady, licking a trail over the swell of her breast, his fingers ever so slowly curling over the edge of the sheet to move it down her body. He glanced down at the outline of her nipple, revealing itself right at the edge of the fabric, his mouth watering in anticipation of feeling that taut little bud against his tongue again. He heard her whisper his name encouragingly, felt her arch her back urging him on, his eyes drifting back to the side table and the stark numbers like a taunting angry reminder.

Kolyat growled in frustration and pulled away reluctantly, sucking a deep breath into his lungs, releasing it on a sharp shaky puff. All he wanted to do was be inside her again. Feel her in his arms. Drown in her kisses. He heard her laugh quietly beside him, the evil vixen chuckle of a sirens song. Was he the only one raging this inner battle?

She touched his arm bringing his attention back to her. "It's okay Kolyat. I know you have to go to work. Do you still want to go out tonight?"

He took her hand and pulled it to his lips, kissing the back of her fingers. "You're not getting out of it."

"I didn't mean it like that." She grinned. "I just thought perhaps I wore you out… or maybe you wanted a repeat of last night instead."

Kolyat purred rubbing his frills over her fingers lightly, kissing them one more time before pulling back to meet her gaze. "I think I should at least feed you first. What time do you get off?"

"Alright." She agreed after a quiet pause, another moment of those enrapturing eyes running over him languidly. "My last client is around 1300, so I would say 1500 to be safe. Ms. Bently likes to talk."

Kolyat gave her a lopsided grin and caressed his hand over her cheek handing her back the mug from the table before giving her one last kiss. A soft trace of lips and touch. "I'll be there to pick you up."

"Should I make reservations somewhere or do you have a place in particular you would like to go?"

"You choose. I just want to see you again."

"That makes two of us." She said without hesitation her words allowing a soft till of approval to vibrate from his ribbing, just low enough for her to hear. Another coy smile as she adjusted her weight deeper against the pillows, taking a sip of her coffee, green eyes glittering like ocean crystals right after the storms on Kahje. Calm and quiet seas as he caressed her one last time, forcing himself off the bed. He bowed his head to her respectfully just before he left her room and made his way out of her apartment and towards the elevator.

Checking the time again on his omnitool he realized there was no way he was going to be able to go home, shower and change before his shift. Thankfully he had an extra pair of clothes in his locker. Maybe he could call Lukas and have him cover; grab his clothes as he took a quick shower at the station? Once he hit the lobby he sent a quick message and adjusted his jacket making sure his gun was properly hidden, making his way through the ground floor, towards the main vestibule.

"Excuse me, Detective." A familiar voice called out to him making him hesitate and pause just before he reached the doors. His gaze moving across the elaborate décor and towards the security station where Jarrod was coming towards him with determination, strides full of purpose. Kolyat glanced around in alertness wondering if perhaps he had missed something, noticing no other presence around them. Nothing seeming out of the ordinary.

"Good morning Jerrod, is everything all right?" He nodded in greeting asking solemnly, his finger hovering over the indicator ready to call for back up if needed.

"Everything is fine Detective, just a moment of your time is needed. Can I please have your full name and title?"

Jerrod blinked quickly, his red and golden slit eyes glancing at him from head to toe before he opened his omnitool and waited patiently.

"Uh, sure… it's Detective Kolyat Krios, C-Sec Third Division, Special Investigations Unit."

Jerrod started typing quickly, swiping through a few screens before a quick scan ran over him. Kolyat had to fight the urge to peak over his arm and see exactly what he was doing.

"Got it. Thank you Mr. Krios. I just added your name onto the permanent guest list. Our security clearance roster. Just in case I am not on shift, you will have clearance to the building. I can expect I'll be seeing more of you now."

Kolyat swallowed roughly feeling his frills heat. "Is that an observation because I'm leaving in the early morning since coming here last night?"

Jerrod smiled and blinked at him slowly. "That and the security feed I had to watch."

"Security… oh… shit. Sorry?" _Should I be apologizing for that?_

Jerrod chuckled and coughed to hide his smirk. "Not to worry. Tenant confidentiality. Happens all the time."

"Really?" Kolyat asked in disbelief crossing his arms over his chest quirking an eyeridge at the salarian in front of him.

"Well, not exactly, but it made you feel better didn't it?" He admitted.

Kolyat chuckled and covered his mouth to hide his laugh as a human couple came into the lobby, both waving at Jerrod who smiled in greeting. Excusing himself he made his way back to the security desk just as the female was asking him a question leaving Kolyat to continue on his way to the station without interruption.

Quickly jumping into a skycab he made it with just a few minutes to spare, clocking in and rushing toward the locker room in record time. Lukas already outside leaning against the wall, a pair of form fitting blue jeans and a black t-shirt beneath his shoulder holster. A bright smile as soon as he saw him, pushing himself off the wall and turning as he approached.

"Morning, sunshine."

"My apologies. I was running a little behind." Kolyat purred remorsefully taking the clothes Lukas handed him making his way into the locker room, the human male right on his heels.

"No worries, we all have our off days. I couldn't find anything other than your dress uniform. Did you have clothes stashed anywhere else?" Kolyat paused and glanced at him in uncertainty just as he reached his locker. The last one in the second row. Lukas stopped beside him and threw his arms over the wall petitioner facing him, elbows resting as he leaned onto his arms.

"Am I supposed to?"

"No…. It's just…" He leaned into him a little closer lowering his voice. "You know you don't have to wear your uniform anymore, right?"

"I don't?" Kolyat blinked in surprise, pausing as he placed his work clothes on the bench beside him. "Is that why I never see you in a uniform?"

"What? Did you think I was trying being rebellious or something? Can't go undercover if you're sporting a C-Sec logo." Lukas grinned in amusement just as Kolyat opened his locker to hang up his jacket, fingers nimbly unlatching the leather holster. Lukas's attire making more sense now.

"Am I… going to go undercover soon?"

"Eventually. Right now we're going to get an easy case. See how it pans out. Afterwards, well… we'll see how well you handle the beat. It's not for everyone."

Kolyat nodded and pulled his shirt over his head glancing at Lukas noticing the intricate patterns and tattoos covering one of his arms, bones and human skulls, some kind of black flying animal, birds, and a scale pattern that wrapped around his arm, similar to his own skin.

"What is that?" He asked in curiosity staring much longer than he knew was considered polite but interest in the multiple designs held him rooted, too many to focus on all at once. Lukas pulled his arms off the parting, holding it out for him to see easier.

"Which section?"

"The scales. Is that a rope of some kind or… animal?"

"It's a python." Lukas answered rolling up his sleeve over his shoulder and turning to show him the back of his arm. "It wraps all the way around; behind the samurai armor; the head is in the back."

Kolyat stared at the trail the animal made, a long path folding in on itself wrapping behind a human skull wearing some kind of elaborate armor, the head of the animal perched on its shoulder. Intricate scale patterns and a long forked tongue sticking out beneath eyes that resembled a krogan's. He shifted on his feet as Lukas turned around, gaze running over him languidly.

"Is it from Earth?

"Yeah, a species of snake. A reptile native to our planet. They symbolize fertility, rebirth and healing. I believe they're good luck."

Kolyat glanced at the snake again, the tight scales and patterns of its markings. He immediately realized his species looked very similar. "Is that the real reason you wanted to work with me?"

Lukas tilted his head thoughtfully before realization brightened his eyes, a boisterous laugh erupting from his mouth. "It hadn't occurred to me. Do you notice a family resemblance?"

"Not… really." He tilled in confusion.

"It was a joke Kolyat. Maybe I consider you good luck."

"Do you?" He smiled as Lukas fixed his sleeve resting back upon the wall divider between them.

"It would make sense why I had a good feeling when I reviewed your file, don't you think?"

"Was that the only reason, because I reminded you of your good luck charm?"

Lukas grinned again and chuckled. "What you just said already explains my reason."

"I don't understand."

"Your mind set. The answers to your psych questions and essay. You wrote things about scenarios that I never thought of. The way you perceive the world is different from me. That's what I wanted. That's what I'm going to get with you. So… I have a question for you now."

"Okay…" Kolyat answered tentatively taking out a towel from his locker before securing his gaze back on the human male beside him.

"What is that?" Lukas asked, reaching his hand out slowly, fingertips touching a section of scales on his shoulder. Pulling it back he noticed a red streak upon his lightly tanned flesh, rubbing the residue between his forefinger and thumb, testing the texture. "Is this lipstick?"

"Yeah." Kolyat admitted carefully, fighting the urge to grin shamelessly. The impulse to slip into a memory of Shepard running her lips over his skin hard to focus past.

Lukas met his eyes again, his expression now void of whatever he was thinking. The clear blue of them darkening with thoughts he didn't speak, his jaw tensing slightly as he rubbed the substance on his jeans. "Had fun last night? Just curious… did you go home… or did you end up going out instead?"

"I... _'Sarah'. Her name vibrates from my throat, a warning, needed certainty. Soft and firm, fingers tighten around my wrist guided towards her mouth. Flush hues spreading over pale cheeks, green eyes staring up at me; confidence; desire; decision. Mouth touches my arm, smooth, perfect. The purr leaves my chest, pleased, full of need. I move my arm, she moves against me closer. Vanilla. A gentle fragrance growing stronger. 'I want you to be sure before you do that. Are you ready for all of me?' She glances up, a smile, ruby lips glisten. Acceptance, want, irrefutable resolution. 'I'm ready'._

Kolyat snapped himself from the memory and glanced back at Lukas's wide gaze feeling his frills heat from sharing such an intimate memory. He never really opened up about things like that before and usually wouldn't have cared, but with her, it seemed more cherished now. Something he didn't want to share with other's yet. Wanting to keep all of her to himself. At least for the time being.

"After I spoke with you, I went home. She… she showed up a little later." Kolyat smiled again trying not to get lost in another memory.

"So everything worked out then?"

"It did." He nodded watching the pleased expression slip over the males face. A wide grin and eyes lighting up in excitement. "I'm picking her up after work. We're going out tonight for dinner."

"That's good! See. You didn't need that, it all happens for a reason shit from me. Well, in this case, it did work out. I'm glad though."

"Thank you." He said quickly knowing Lukas was somewhat responsible for urging him to go to her office yesterday.

The male blinked slowly, pushing himself off the divider. "What are you thanking me for?"

"If it wasn't for you… I wouldn't have gone to see her. I probably wouldn't have gone at all. I would have just let her go without trying again."

Lukas stared at him for a long moment. Kolyat could tell he wanted to say something but his gaze shifted to a turian turning the corner near his locker, getting ready to change. After another heartbeat he smiled and nodded. "Go take your shower. I'll meet you at the shooting range."

* * *

Shepard ran her fingers through her hair, checking it in the mirror as she pushed it slightly forward, the look in Kolyat's eyes when he had picked her up alerted her to his preference for her to keep it down. The shock in Narissa and Gary's eyes enough to keep her laughing for weeks when she had told them Kolyat was coming by again. Both of their expressions unreadable when they had watched them leave together.

A feeling of excitement twisted her stomach in delight at being able to go out with him again so soon. To be with him. How peaceful it felt not having to fight her attraction for him in this moment. How much she truly wanted to accept this now. _Feron is going to give me hell for this, but in a good way._

Reaching into her purse she paused taking out her soft pink lipstick, only a few shades darker than the natural color of her lips, her eyes roaming in the mirror to the woman who came up beside her, who was in the process of doing the same thing.

She wouldn't have been able to stop herself from staring even if she wanted to.

The woman was drell, and she realized as her gaze lingered, that it was the first time she had actually ever seen a female of their species. She was tall and thin, but curvy and elegant. Like a natural exotic model. Her skin was a rich purple that blended into a lighter lavender upon her face, giving way to rich pink frills. What was most intriguing though were her face ridges. The ones on her cheeks were short cropped and close to her frills, and unlike the males, the ridges on the back of her head fell down, framing her face in elaborate flair. Several small pieces of gold jewelry adorned some of the tendrils. Almond shaped eyes and plump full lips, a shimmering silver dress, material light and flowing as she shifted. She was immediately enraptured. The outer black ocular scales barely able to conceal the light lavender pupils beneath.

The woman caught her staring as she finish applying her lipstick gently smiling as their eyes met in the mirror. "Is everything ok?"

Her voice was like smooth silk and Shepard blinked rapidly, immediately looking away, feeling a little guilty that she had been caught staring. "I'm sorry. I was just thinking how incredibly beautiful you are." She admitted bashfully making the woman quirk an eyeridge in surprise, frills darkening momentarily.

"You're so sweet, but forgive me, I am already bonded."

"What? I… oh!" She laughed in awkwardness glancing at the thin gold hikari around her neck, deep purple stones decorating the bottom. "Yeah, that did kind of sound like a come on, didn't it? I didn't mean it like that, but if I did, I assure you, you might have just broken my heart." Shepard grinned and chuckled feeling a little better when the woman joined in, the atmosphere lightening between them.

"That's me, Mrs. Heartbreaker." She joked as they both put their makeup away.

"I'm sorry for staring so long, I've just never seen a female drell before. I was admiring your ridges, they're very lovely."

"Thank you." She replied shyly. "Not too many of our females leave the domed city on Kahje."

"Well, you are the heads of the household. It would seem only natural that the women are protected or prefer to stay safe within the city."

The woman blinked both sets of eyelids quickly and stared at her in a brief moment of amazement, nodding curtly. "That is true. Our men outnumber us sometimes five or six to one and I think there are only about a thousand of us on the Citadel, probably only about a hundred or so are female."

"That sounds about right." She mused thinking about how rare it was to see a drell. How unusual it actually was to be on a date with one. "I know many drells don't even leave because they are faithful to the Compact. Many are only here because of their jobs related to the hanar."

Shepard finished closing her purse and pulled the strap over her arm glancing once again at the woman beside her, another look of pleasant surprise and intrigue softening her eyes into friendly warmth.

"It seems you are very familiar with my race. Not many individuals know about the hanar and what we owe them."

"I've had some experience with your species. I was lucky enough to learn from the people I have come to know over the years." She smiled going towards the door holding it open for her. "Are you just coming in, or did you eat already?"

"Just arriving. My husband and I are here for our anniversary."

"Happy Anniversary." Shepard grinned genuinely as the woman approached her to take the door from her grasp.

"I thank you. He has been looking forward to taking me here for a while now. We had to make a reservation months ago to secure a table. This restaurant is more popular than we imagined."

Shepard smiled thinly and nodded in agreement. Fortunately she never had that problem. As soon as the hostess asked for her name to check the availability a table just happened to be open for tonight. One of the many perks of being Commander Shepard.

"The food is really good. You're going to love it. They have a _toki_ fish here with a _rackshal_ glaze that is just amazing." It was one of the main reasons she had chosen this restaurant, a place that accommodated all the species of the Citadel, specializing in several exclusive cuisines for every race of the Milky Way.

 _Plus, you wanted to impress Kolyat._

"Really?" The woman asked in delight. "I think I might get that. It's been a long time since I've had such a delicacy."

They walked together towards the waiting area sharing small talk until they turned the corner where she knew Kolyat was waiting for her. He turned his head as soon as she was in his line of site, his gaze taking her all in as she approached, giving her a look that was utter male appreciation. He wore his black leather jacket and a teal vest beneath that complimented his skin coloring, a plain pair of black leather pants and boots. Honestly, he could have shown up wearing blasto pajamas and she still would have thought he was sexy and alluring.

She felt the woman hesitate behind her, but as soon as Kolya's eyes met hers, the rest of the world faded away into the background. A sense of peace his presence brought her now as she decided to finally open herself up to him and enjoy, whatever this was, to finally happen between them. His eyes brightened while his gaze ran over her, just enough to see the shade of sapphire through the outer dark scales, a smile that was all male covering his lips languidly.

She went to him easily, the movement as natural as breathing, her hand slipping against his palm as he guided her against him, his arm snaking around her waist, lips brushing her forehead. Feather light smoothness. A soft caress before he pulled away. A pleased purr emitted from behind her just as her gaze drifted past Kolyat, noticing silver scales catching the dim light.

"Taran?" She asked in surprise, a wide grin quirking his mouth as he tilled in greeting, silver eyes blazing in delight just as Kolyat spoke.

"Hello Mira."

She turned her head quickly to glance at the woman behind her, both eye ridges raised high before a dazzling smile took over, irises shining like liquid lavender. "Your Taran's _hara_?"

"I am." She nodded purring again in glee.

"It is a pleasure to see you again Ms. Shepard. Although I am surprised that you were the one Kolyat was waiting for. Not unwelcome of course. Far from it. I am pleased to see you." Taran hummed in delight, mirroring his wife's pleased expression.

"Is she your date Kolyat?" Mira asked as Taran came to stand beside her.

She looked back up at him unsure of what she should say. These were Kolyat's best friends and she held her tongue waiting for him to take the lead on this. Kolyat looked down at her with a genuine smile, nodding in confirmation, purring softly as he brushed his fingers through her hair tenderly before turning his gaze back on the lavender drell.

"Mira, this is Sarah. Sarah, this is Mira Amani."

Shepard grinned and slipped out of Kolyat's hold. Turning towards Mira she bowed slightly and tilted her head down in the common respectful greeting to another drell. "It's an honor to official meet you and yours. Kolyat has mentioned you to me before."

"This is a very welcome surprise, indeed… more than you might imagine. It is a pleasure to meet you." She bowed her head slightly in return. "I hope Kolyat has said only good things about me."

"I promise, only good things."

"That is reassuring… and it also explains why you know so much about Kahje."

"Kahje?" Kolyat murmured in confusion, titled his head in interest just as Taran chuckled.

"I always wondered what female's spoke about in the restroom."

"Actually, Sarah hit on me first, and then we started talking about the Compact." Mira grinned glancing at Taran in glee.

"You hit on her? Are you trying to make me jealous?" Kolyat purred jokingly, tracing his fingers over her arm bringing her attention back towards him.

"I'm so sorry Kolyat." She sighed dramatically. "But I'm going to steal Taran's wife. It's decided. I found my soulmate."

"Really?" He murmured darkly pulling her back against him, his lips trailing over her ear before he whispered seductively. "Do you need a repeat of last night to change your mind?"

Shepard bit her lip and pushed Kolyat slightly away who chuckled knowing what effect he was having on her. The heat of her cheeks only one indication of the way her body was already betraying her.

"So, Kolyat… is Sarah the reason you suddenly disappeared for a few days? We were starting to worry about you. Had wondered if perhaps your new position was taking up all of your time instead."

Kolyat turned his gaze on Mira purring apologetically, his demeanor changing as he bowed his head remorsefully. "Sorry. A lot of things were happening all at once. I did not wish to be a burden. I know you were both very busy."

"You're an idiot. Don't be ridiculous, you're like family to us. Don't disappear like that again, ok?" Taran frowned, his frills vibrating with a noise she couldn't hear. Kolyat sucked his teeth and looked down nodding in agreement from whatever subharmonic secret language they were doing. A side of Kolyat she had never seen before, with people he cared about deeply. She was so happy with who he had become, how much he had changed. Finding people, getting a second chance.

"Mr. Amani, may I speak with you?" A salarian a few feet away called out to Taran, motioning for him to come over towards the host desk.

"Ah, excuse me one moment. Our table must be ready."

After pardoning himself and walking away Mira grinned widely and turned her stare completely on her. The eagerness in her eyes hard to miss as she ran her gaze entirely over her, taking her all in, nostrils flaring briefly before stepping a little closer.

 _Did she just try to smell Kolyat on me?_

"So, how long have you two been going out? It's serious, right? How did you two meet?" Mira paused and gasped, tilling in excitement. "Oh! You're that female that bought the leather jacket for Kolyat! Taran mentioned you to me. I'm happy Kolyat is seeing someone so nice this time."

 _What the hell did that mean?_

"Easy Mira, you get excited too easily." Kolyat sighed shaking his head.

"Oh, forgive me. I must be giving the worst first impression." She purred placing her fingers delicately over her mouth, frills darkening in embarrassment.

"No. It's ok." Shepard smiled warmly to reassure her. "Kolyat is important to you. It's only natural that you are concerned about him."

"And have a million questions for you." Mira retorted quickly, covering her lips again before apologizing once more making Sarah giggle at her outburst. She was already starting to like her.

"Me'hara." Taran's voice cut into their light chatter, his eyes down cast, lips pulled thin. "I… I have some bad news."

"What is it?" Mira turned, sobering immediately taking Taran's hand in worry as he stopped in front of her.

"There seems to have been some kind of mix up. The manager is saying there is no record of my reservation."

"What? How is that possible? You gave them the name of the person who took our reservation, right? Showed them the confirmation?"

"Yes…" He looked away purring sadly. "Apparently she was fired and never put it in the system. He said there is nothing they can do. There's no openings for tonight, they're over booked. I'm so sorry Mira, I know you were looking forward to this. I hate disappointing you." He bowed his head submissively purring apologetically.

"That's ridiculous. It's not your fault that the woman screwed up. They should try to make amends for that." Sarah glanced at Kolyat who frowned deeply, sharing a look with her before glancing back at the other two drells. Mira purred soothingly and brushed her fingers over Taran's frills, a gentle smile filling her lips as the love that shone in her eyes tightened her own chest as she watched them.

" _Meehan_ , do not worry so. We do not have to eat here, we can eat anywhere. It just matters that we're together tonight."

Shepard watched the love that passed between them, Taran's hand gently covering hers as their foreheads touched for a brief moment. Kolyat got her attention and caressed her hand, a look of upset making his expression harsher than normal. Eyes darkening into inky pools as he growled his upset for her to hear. An idea forming in her mind just as their hostess appeared.

"Ms. Shepard, your table is ready. Party of two, yes?"

"I'm sorry? What did you just say?" She answered sternly staring at the asari in budding irritation. Her mood quickly souring from Taran and Mira's situation. Shifting on her feet she made sure to show how upset she was growing in her body language. Her change in demeanor making the woman hesitate and glance back down at her datapad in alarm. She noticed Taran and Mira exchange a look of dismay from her quickly changed attitude, felt Kolyat take a step closer to her, humming in confusion. "You need to check your information again. I asked for a party of four when I called this afternoon. Please assure me there was no problem with my request."

"Uh, no, no of course not. Give me a moment please." The asari turned away and went back to her seating console just as Kolyat came up behind her and put his lips to her ear.

"Thank you. I was going to suggest giving them our table." He whispered, his voice filled with sincerity. The emotion in his words dropping her gaze to the ground letting the world fall away once more when his hand brushed over her arm. _Fuck, I'm starting to have it bad for him._

A moment later the asari returned smiling brightly. "Yes, yes, we have it. Party of four. I apologize for the confusion. This way please." She turned to guide them through the waiting area.

Shepard turned and smiled wiggling her nose in glee to show Taran and Mira her brashness was all an act, she didn't want to alert them to her brand of crazy so soon after all. They both stared at her in wide eyed amazement glancing between the two of them slowly. Kolyat nodded and grinned motioning for them to follow. After a brief glance between them she sensed their movements behind her, following hesitantly until they were led to a large half-moon booth with four place settings. The hostess placed the menu's down and smiled with a slight bow before taking her leave. Once she was out of ear shot Taran leaned in and whispered towards Kolyat.

"Are you sure this is ok?"

"We do not wish to interrupt your date Kolyat." Mira spoke up tilling low in apprehension.

"I don't mind." He purred soothingly to the female.

"Don't worry about it." She also tried to reassure. "As long as you don't mind Kolyat and I interrupting your anniversary dinner. If you want though, Kolyat and I could go somewhere else and leave you two alone."

"Heaven's no. We wouldn't want to do that to you." Mira protested as Taran took her hand and guided her to the inside seat of the booth when Kolyat purred again in acceptance. "Besides, reservations here are extremely hard to come by."

"Normally… yeah." She tried to deflect noticing a grin on Kolyats lips as he took her hand and helped her slide into the inner seat as well, helping her keep her balance in the heels she wore. Normally she would have wanted to sit on the outside because of her training, never wanting to be in a situation where she would be trapped, or her back against the wall so she could see everyone around her but, customs with the other couple meant more to her than a random threat of a gun fight erupting in a five star restaurant. At least for the time being. The night was still young, you never knew.

She adjusted her skirts and smiled warmly as Mira slid in next to her, normal drell etiquette making it impossible for her to sit next to Taran at this time because she was an unclaimed female, same thing applied for Kolyat to Mira. Although she had a feeling it might not apply in this instant because of the closeness she knew Kolyat had with the couple. It was also proper for the males to be on the outside of a seating arrangement, a natural protective instinct towards their females.

"Goddess of oceans." Mira gasped suddenly covering her lips from her outburst, turning her gaze on her in awe. Taran pulled his mouth away from her ear just as he placed a menu down in before her. "I was wondering why they accommodated you so quickly. Your Commander Shepard… that's… that's incredible."

"I must admit, I'm a little surprised you two are dating."

"Taran." Mira said warningly growling softly in upset, eyes narrowing at the male beside her.

"I meant no disrespect. It is just- the last time I saw Kolyat and Sarah they weren't exactly getting along and she did shoot him after all."

Sarah stifled a laugh from erupting remembering the look of alarm on Taran's face when she had pulled a gun on Kolyat in his store. "Did you really shoot him?" Mira asked in rising excitement.

"It was an accident." Kolyat quickly answered picking up a menu and handing it to her.

"No it wasn't." Sarah deadpanned making Kolyat frown. The death look on his face making her just want to tease him more.

"That's better than us. I punched Taran in the face the first time we met."

"Did you really?" Shepard chuckled at Mira who covered her mouth with her fingertips glancing coyly at her husband. Taran shook his head and sighed.

"I'm still surprised you didn't break my nose."

"I thought you were trying to steal my purse."

"That's not…" He sighed again making eye contact with Shepard. "She dropped her bracelet, but she was walking so fast and ignoring my calls I had to run to catch up to her. I tried to get her attention but she was in such a hurry I ended up grabbing her wrist to slow her down. Without warning she just turns, and punches me right in the face."

Sarah raised both of her eyebrows in surprise glancing at Kolyat who nodded in confirmation, a wide grin on his lips. "It was terrible." Mira laughed. "He started bleeding, and all I did was stand there and yell at him like a lunatic."

"She was very cruel, wouldn't even give me a moment to explain myself. I ended up just throwing the bracelet at her feet and leaving her there."

"He was so mad, called me a banshee and kept walking."

"No… she was insane." Taran quipped dryly jumping slightly when Mira poked his side, his expression slipping into amusement as she nodded slightly.

"I was a little irritable that day… and I did feel bad afterwards, when I realized what he threw at me. He was storming away, blood dripping down his face. I ran after him and apologized, offered to clean him up."

"I was going to refuse, but she seemed sincere enough, so I followed her to a nearby seating area and she grabbed a bunch of napkins from a store. We started talking and… minutes turned into hours… by the end of the night… I just had to see her again."

"The rest came naturally for us." Mira smiled, her throat rippling to make a sound she couldn't hear, the softness in Taran's expression letting her know it was filled with emotion and care.

"Did you know them at that time?" She asked Kolyat just as the waiter appeared putting a halt on their conversation as he greeted them and told them the specials for the evening. Waiting patiently when he asked if they would like any wine.

"Would you allow us a moment to decide?" Taran asked glancing at all of them. When they all agreed the waiter excused himself so they could glimpse over their menus.

"I believe a bottle a wine would work. We can order one for the table, whichever one you two like. Is that ok with you?" Shepard glanced at Kolyat who nodded slightly smiling at her, eyes softening before he looked back at the menu.

"I agree. Do you want to get a bottle of Sha'kir?" Taran grinned glancing at Mira who bit her bottom lip, eyelids flickering nervously, her frills vibrating catching the attention of both males who looked up at her in concern.

"I don't… think I should drink."

Taran quirked his head at her and purred probingly. "But you love Sha'kir and tonight is a night of celebration _me'ha._ "

"Mira, you do not have to be shy with Sarah. We want you to be comfortable."

"You don't have to worry about drinking. I love to drink! Wait… that came out worse than I meant it to." Shepard laughed, everyone chuckling in return.

"It's not that, I just…" Mira shook her head and smiled gently before turning her gaze back on Taran, her voice lowering as she leaned in to him. "I had planned on telling you later but… I guess now is as good a time as any." She whispered brushing her fingers over her stomach for a brief moment looking down shyly purring quietly.

Taran tilled in confusion and then sucked in a sharp breath when she nodded again, his eyes widening just as his pupils blazed like silver stars. "Mira… are you…?"

"I am." She smiled nodding again, blinking back tears that threatened to spill free. Taran glanced down at her stomach and caressed it softly moving closer to her, one hand brushing the frills on her cheek before kissing her slowly, both of them lost in a moment as they whispered their love to one another.

Shepard glanced away to give them some kind of privacy looking at Kolyat for some kind of clue into what was going on. "I'm confused." She whispered leaning into him noticing the emotion on his own face as he stared at them a moment longer before brushing his lips against her ear.

"They have been trying for a child. Mira's pregnant. I'm going to be a _ka'dan_."

"Or so you keep saying." Taran's voice cut in chidingly, narrowing his eyes on Kolyat who grinned and pulled away from her turning his gaze on the grey drell.

"Come on, you know I'm obviously the best choice. Your brother isn't reliable, and he's lazy."

"What's a _ka'dan_?" Shepard asked glancing between them.

"A guardian." Mira answered. "When a child is born a _ka'dan_ is chosen. Usually a family member or close friend who is given the privilege of naming the child. They are also called upon if the worst should come to pass and something happens to the parents. The child will be given to the _ka'dan_ for raising."

Shepard turned the information over in her head for a moment, nodding in understanding. "Humans have something like that too, depending on their faith. Usually called a God parent."

"God parent… it seems fitting. Our lives are fated by the Goddess, it would seem only natural that a God parent would step in if we are called to the sea."

"I just want to name the baby something stupid." Kolyat whispered knowing he was still being heard by the other two drells who shook their heads laughing gently. Taran snickered and purred in mirth just as the waiter arrived again.

This time after more of a reason to celebrate they ordered a bottle of Sha'kir and Mira a specialty blend of fruit and nectar for herself slipping into light conversation after they all placed their orders. She felt Kolyat's hand on her thigh, gently urging the fabric of her skirt up, just enough to caress the skin of her leg. She glanced at him and gave him a look of enjoyment his fingertip skimming just below the hem of her dress, his gaze focused on Mira as she spoke about another restaurant the drink reminded her of.

"So…" Shepard started to ask after she got the information of the place Taran and Mira went frequently, keeping it in her thoughts of perhaps going there with Kolyat too, after he showed interest in the different teas they served. "You still haven't told me how you met Taran and Mira. Did you know them from Kahje, or did you meet them on the Citadel?"

"I met Kolyat first, right before Mira and I bonded." Taran said taking a sip of his wine thoughtfully. "He was new to Congregation, started attending regularly and I noticed… I mean…" He trailed off as if he was having trouble finding his words, looking at Kolyat in slight worry.

"It's ok, you can tell her."

"Is he about to tell me something about your wonderful personality? That mouth of yours getting you into trouble? You started a brawl in the middle of prayer?"

"I wouldn't do that." Kolyat mumbled shaking his head.

Shepard quirked her eyebrow at him challengingly but eased her expression when he looked at her perturbed. "I would." She teased to ease his sudden discomfort. "Actually… I think I might have."

"I'm not surprised." He chuckled sensually. "Besides…" He continued lowering his voice, nudging her cheek with his lips before whispering. "I know you like what my mouth can do."

She felt her cheeks immediately flush and she glanced at Taran and Mira, both of them looking away from their direction now. Taran sporting a grin he tried to hide by wiping his mouth with his cloth napkin and Mira covering her lips with her fingers, frills darkening. A deep throaty chuckle as the blue drell noticed her reaction just as he pulled away, their food arriving in that moment. Mira the first to speak as they started eating.

"I didn't like Kolyat at first." She admitted, surprising Shepard when Kolyat only nodded without comment. "I thought he was scary. I warned Taran not to get involved with him, told him he would only bring us trouble."

Shepard's insides tightened in anger at what Mira just admitted, knowing her eyes must have dulled and turned hard when she heard Kolyat purr reassuringly, grabbing her attention. So many people had the wrong idea about him. Herself included in the beginning. He was still trying to prove them all wrong, the good he could do now. Who he had a chance of becoming.

"Taran became the only one who would speak to me, other than the priests. Everyone else thought I must have had friends in really bad places or been involved in politics so deep because I got into C-Sec. No one wanted anything to do with me."

"I felt sorry for him. Everyone ignored him."

"I didn't need your pity." Kolyat smirked sucking his teeth at Taran.

"I know, which you very blatantly said to me with my first attempt at conversation." The gray scale drell sighed deeply. "I'm starting to notice a pattern when I first meet people."

"At least I didn't punch you in the face." He snickered catching Mira's amused expression.

"Trust me, I know you wanted to."

Kolyat grinned and nodded picking up his glass of wine. "You did give off that vibe but… I didn't want to start a brawl during prayer, like some people I know."

Shepard poked him in his side just as he took a drink making him jolt slightly and chuckle. She didn't realize he had such a hard time adjusting on the Citadel. Just because she was able to pull a few strings and keep him out of prison didn't exactly mean a smoother transition in an environment he wasn't used to. She had forgotten that he had been fresh to the Citadel when he arrived, probably not having much experience with the other species. No wonder he had joined Congregation shortly after arriving. He was probably trying to find some kind of familiarity with his race but… that didn't turn out how he had probably hoped.

She remembered Theirin's reaction when they had gone suit shopping, the judgement in his eyes when he had eyed Kolyat's gun. The surprise when he realized that his assumptions had been wrong. Was it always like that for Kolyat? His whole life being misjudged and pushed aside? No wonder he had screwed up and been angry at the world, desperate to find a reason to keep going.

"Kolyat… I…" She started and faltered, wanting to apologize but unsure how she should start. What she was willing to say in front of his friends. As if sensing her silent struggle he grasped her hand and glanced down at his hold on her, eyes brightening. That beautiful blue that she began to associate with warmth and calm safety.

"I never blamed you." He began, his thumb caressing the back of her hand in a slow back and forth motion. He shook his head as if changing his mind, meeting her eyes carefully. "Well… that's not entirely true."

She mentally scoffed. _I knew it._

"I was more intrigued by you… in why you wanted to help me as much as you did. You didn't have to go out of your way like that for me. I should be thanking you. In a way, you were the beginning in making me realize what I wanted to do with my life. You gave me the chance I needed."

It was not the first time he had told her this, but for some reason, with the way she felt about him now, it seemed more real, more meaningful and sincere. The way she knew he felt about her now giving fuel in her desire in seeing him succeed.

"Sarah got you the C-Sec job?" Mira spoke looking between the both of them for confirmation. "Everything makes more sense now, why you were so hesitant to say anything in the beginning. Now I have even more questions."

"Mira always has questions. You have to forgive her." Kolyat hummed grinning in mirth.

"It's only natural I would be curious. How exactly did you two meet?"

Sarah licked her lips and looked down thoughtfully unsure of what she wanted to say or admit. Glancing at Kolyat she tried to get some kind of idea of what he had already said or wanted to say as well. For drells she believed the relationship was a normal occurrence, maybe Kolyat had already given them some kind of idea? Brushing his fingertips over her knee he purred to her, indicating for her to speak and take over. He was allowing her to give as much or as little information as she was willing too.

"Kolyat's father was a member of my team on the Normandy. Recruited for a very important mission. I met Kolyat through him."

"You were good friends with his father then?" Mira asked innocently smiling gently, Shepard's gaze moving to Taran who stared at her unblinking.

"We… were close, until he returned to the deep."

She watched as Taran's eye's moved rapidly back and forth a hushed whisper leaving his lips catching the attention of the female beside him for a brief moment before he quickly snapped out of it, his lips thinning out nodding in understanding.

"The hikari that was returned to you…"

Shepard nodded solemnly and looked down. They probably thought the worst of her now.

"Kolyat… you waited too long to ask for _rishka'fir._ "

"No. That's not what happened. That's not how it is. There's no _rishka'fir_ between us." Kolyat shook his head turning his gaze on the lavender drell. Shepard unfamiliar with the wording the female used. "She's human and wouldn't have understood… that wouldn't have been an option for us at the time."

"What option?" She asked glancing between each of them. Kolyat grimacing slightly before glancing away. "Come on, don't be like that. What's _rishka'fir_?" She urged running the back of her finger over his frills softly to grab his attention back towards her. His fathomless eyes apologetic.

"I could have demanded for father to include me, to be a part of your relationship. He wouldn't have been able to refuse me if I commanded him to do so. I am his only son, and he was sick."

"Join in… like 'join' in?" She blinked in dismay.

" _Rishka'fir_ means 'to take the place of'. If father had taken another of our species and bonded, it would have been expected of me, or offered by him, to take his place as your mate when he passed, to keep the family ties strong. I could have still refused, of course. If I wasn't interested or… I wanted someone else. I could have also asked for _ka'mira_. Which is another type of relationship consisting of the three of us… that is up to the female to decide whether it happens though."

"Many females don't take _ka'mira_ though. It's pretty rare." Mira spoke up as if trying to soothe her. Shepard had to admit though, her mind was a little blown from all of this information she never knew about. So much of their culture she still needed to learn.

"Why is _ka'mira_ rare? I thought your females preferred to take more than one haru?"

"It's very beneficial for multiple haru's of course but… there is a hierarchy to the households. Many males do not wish to give up their rights if they are first haru, so _ka'mira_ is usually never an option. It would lead to _hara'trula'fura_ , a marriage of three, and no more haru's can be taken after that. If the female is bonded and wishes to take another haru, the first male is given a chance to offer _hara'trula'fura_ to the new male. Equal marital rights. It's never offered."

"A first male would have to be crazy to give up his rights like that, or he would have to really love and trust the other male too." Taran remarked taking a deep drink of his wine.

"I believe it could happen." Mira purred towards her husband who smiled coyly.

'Why? Do you have someone in mind love? Your carrying my child now, your matriarch would not require it of us any longer."

"Maybe I was going to ask Kolyat?"

Sarah raised both of her eyebrows in surprise, Kolyat tilling low in laughter as he shook his head in denial. "I don't think Taran would be able to handle me."

"He would have to sleep on the floor." Taran deadpanned making Kolyat suck his teeth loudly.

"I would make you sleep in the hall."

"Not if I remained first haru."

"You know you would offer me _hara'trula'fura_." Kolyat hummed arrogantly.

"Ha! Hold your breath for that."

"I could always break the bonding and offer _ka'mira_." Mira purred at Taran, who blinked in dismay before shaking his head grinning in amusement.

"Whose side are you on, _me'ha_?"

All of them chuckled in unison and the banter brought a smile to her face, enjoying this light side of Kolyat with people he held close. Her stomach fluttering wildly when his eyes met hers and the sapphire beneath shone at her in happiness. She wondered if Thane had ever seen him smile this much, so at ease and content, able to be himself.

"Well, the offer is moot now anyway, Kolyat has a girlfriend again." Mira smiled brightly. The curiosity almost too much to hold on to, even though the girlfriend word caught her off guard. That, and the fact that Kolyat wasn't trying to deny it. She would dwell on that fact later.

"Okay. I have to ask. What was Kolyat's last girlfriend like?"

"Wait, what?" Kolyat glanced between them in worry.

"She was… very rude."

"Kolyat's rude." Shepard retorted quickly hearing the male in question suck his teeth beside her.

"No I'm not."

"Sorry we can rephrase it. You're an asshole." Taran grinned cheekily.

"What the fuck?"

"Kolyat is only an asshole because he's honest." She answered sincerely, pausing a moment to take a sip of her drink noticing all of them staring at her in curiosity. "He'll tell you how he feels, what he expects, and what is on his mind without holding back… Kolyat is a free spirit, unable to be held down. He's passionate about the choices he makes, the people he keeps close. He doesn't waste his time on trivial things. He knows what's important to him and he keeps pushing to attain his goals. I think those are very admirable qualities." Shepard glanced at the male beside her who stared at her stoically before she grinned cheekily. "Although the last time I checked that was a nicer version of asshole."

She heard Taran and Mira chuckle just as he wrapped his fingers around her leg, tickling the sensitive spot behind her knee, pulling her close against him. She laughed and held her hand up in surrender to shove at his chest as he pushed against her, nuzzling his lips lightly over her cheek to whisper in her ear.

"So you think I'm an asshole?"

"Let's be honest, you think I'm an evil bitch sometimes."

"Only when you try to shoot me." He whispered tracing his lips below her ear kissing her neck chastely.

She glanced over at Mira and Taran who both wore expressions of contentment from their display at look in their eyes that was soft and full of warmth as they glanced between them. Mira smiled and turned her body slightly crossing one leg over the other she leaned against Taran who automatically accommodated her, placing her hand on his knee, her thumb drawing small circles peacefully. Pulling away from Kolyat she pushed her plate away noticing everyone done eating.

"Forgive me, you were saying? What exactly made her rude?"

"Do we really have to talk about this?" Kolyat asked darkly causing Mira to smile widely, Taran to chuckle.

"I do not wish to upset Kolyat by bringing his past mistakes to light."

"Ouch, that bad huh?" Shepard winced.

"Let's just say… you have already shown us more kindness in a single night than she did in his entire relationship. Even to him."

"Why were you with her then?" She gave Kolyat a scrutinizing look. He stared into her eyes, all that black and seemingly endless beauty studying her as his gaze trailed over her features, unfurling heat to well up within her. He was keeping his thoughts hidden most likely not ready to share with her, or perhaps uncomfortable admitting anything in front of Mira and Taran. Abruptly his expression slowly changed into male crudeness, carnal thoughts and perverted words held at bay right upon the edges of his tongue. She could tell it was an act, just something to give her in front of his friends. She would be patient until he opened up, most likely mirroring her own feelings regarding her relationship with Thane.

"You're disgusting." She grinned coyly playing along.

"I didn't say anything." He blinked innocently.

"You don't have to. I can see it on your face."

He smiled slowly as he stared at her realizing that she had picked up on what was going through his thoughts. Taran's boisterous laugh pulling them away from one another.

"I really like her, she is already in tune with that charming personality that makes you so enticing."

"I really like her too." Mira purred in agreement, her gaze darkened for a brief moment, staring at him solemnly her voice slow and stern. "Don't. Screw it up."

"Hmm, I already see that spark of motherhood in you." Kolyat joked quietly. Mira shook her head, frills vibrating before resting back a little more against Taran. The silver drell held her a little closer, leaning his lips down to brush the frills on her cheek. Devotion and love, the look in his eyes showing how much she meant to him.

"You are going to be a wonderful mother. So amazing and beautiful. I look forward to our future, _me'ha_."

* * *

Kolyat was overjoyed for his friends, the love that he had for them was unexplainable. Taran had called him family, their concern for him heartwarming, the joy and excitement when they had met Shepard meaning more to him than anyone would ever know. The Goddess had truly blessed him tonight, and he was thankful without compare.

They had decided to give the couple time to be alone, celebrate their anniversary and news of their growing family in quiet, while Sarah and he had moved to the other side of the restaurant which featured a bar and club area. He thought back on the dinner, their talk and banter, noticing how comfortable she had been with him and his friends, how open she was to his presence and touch in front of others. He believed her fully now, she really wanted to be with him, was finally open and willing. He wanted nothing more than to make sure she remained happy. The things she had said about him to his friends… no one had ever said anything so nice, never knowing him and wanting to know him, as much as she did now.

He kept his hand on her lower back, mindful of her gun as he guided her to the dance floor, feeling her muscles grow tense as they approached an open area. Was she nervous now? Perhaps she thought he would embarrass her? He grinned smugly in excitement ready to show her what he was able to do. He wanted her to enjoy tonight as much as possible. She turned towards him hesitantly and he smiled in pleasure, her eyes heating as they roamed over him. Goddess he loved when she did that, the urge to devour her mouth hard to ignore when her eyes darkened that way.

"So, is this the part where you 'dance crazy'?"

Kolyat laughed and grinned wider slipping a hand upon her waist moving against her finding his rhythm to the fast beat of the music. "I think my skills have improved immensely from when I was a child." He murmured as her eyes widened slightly as she stared at him. Her gaze diminishing his own nervousness the darker they became, desire skirting through the oceans of jade, pink hues erupting over her cheeks and chest. The evidence of her pleasure making him purr in approval.

"Are you just going to stand there, or join in?" He asked when she continued to stand still, crossing her arms over her chest smiling at him as she watched.

"I don't know. It looks like you're doing just fine on your own. I wouldn't want to ruin this."

He laughed softly and moved quickly against her, pulling her against his body, hand running up the curve of her waist, dipping his head down to whisper in her ear huskily. "If you prefer, I can always give you a private show whenever you want, as much as you want."

"Sweet God, your mouth." She exhaled loudly, that fragrant scent of arousal thickening the air around her, his slight scent mark mixed upon her now. He had noticed both of his friends testing the air around her, heard their purrs of excitement when they realized they had been together, the venom of his seed still fresh upon her body. He wondered if she knew that others could smell him on her now, that it would take days or weeks for it to finally dissipate from her system.

He would make sure his scent never faded from her.

"Alright, I tried to warn you." She finally said moving away to bring some distance between them, raising her arms to begin moving back and forth.

He watched her in excitement wondering for a while now how sexy she would be when she moved her hips and swayed to the music. The smile falling from his lips when she jerked and tripped before moving incoherently again. He waited patiently narrowing his eyes in confusion as he continued to watch her, her moves missing the smooth bass of the melody, completely off, until he slowed down his own movements almost to a stop when she tried to spin and lost her balance. He shot his hand out quickly to balance her, grabbing her wrist preventing her from falling as he wrapped his arms around her and righted her against himself.

 _She can't dance._

Sarah stopped moving and puffed her cheeks in annoyance, frowning deeply, before she sucked her teeth and tried to pull away from him. "I don't want to do this. Let's just go back to the bar."

"No. Don't leave." He hugged her gently feeling the tenseness in her muscles, sensing how uncomfortable she was, eyes scanning everyone around them. He could care less what anyone thought of her dance floor finesse. He bent down and kissed her neck, giving her a light nip near the juncture of her throat silently letting her know that he wasn't at all deterred or upset.

"Kolyat… I really can't dance."

He chuckled and moved her in his arms, spinning her to rest her back against his chest, another sweep of his lips over her throat. "Yes, you can." He murmured nipping her ear, hearing a soft moan as a wicked thought came over him. "I know exactly what your hips are capable of."

She snorted back a laugh and shook her head in denial. "You should save yourself from letting me embarrass you any further, at least in public right now." She turned back a little to look at him, a mischievous glint in her gaze. "I think I'd rather take you up on that private show offer instead."

"Close your eyes." He demanded gently wanting to give in but not ready to leave just yet.

"We're going with this again?"

"You did well the last time we danced. Just trust me. Close your eyes."

She licked her lips and nodded, feeling her relax in his arms, eyes closing, waiting for him to give her instructions. This human female, who commanded armies, waiting for guidance from him, his chest tightened at the thought of her trust in him. He was truly falling in love with this woman.

Kolyat moved himself against her slowly, doing a gentle sway at first finding a tempo to the fast pace of the music, urging her to move her feet, leaning slightly back against him. "Good, just feel the beat, move with me."

He continued guiding her hips, moving languidly the more her body relaxed against him, shutting the world out. He smiled against her cheek placing a chaste kiss as she picked up the tempo and moved a little quicker, his hands roaming over her stomach and hips the more fluid she became.

"You're doing well. Let me guide you. Move your feet a little more." He moved one of her arms up until her fingers wrapped around the back of his neck, his hips moving perfectly against hers. A hum of contentment leaving her lips when she pressed her backside against him, feeling how turned on he was by her closeness.

He loved how she felt in his arms, the softness and heat of her. The smells coming off her skin. He had wondered if she could pick up his smell too, what his aroma would be like to her. Her body against his too much, and not enough. He grabbed her hand and spun her carefully. He noticed her stumble but he caught her immediately dipping her to hide the jerked movement, spinning her again until she was able to slid out of the movement and adjust herself flush against him both of her hands wrapping around his neck now, looking up at him in yearning.

He tilled low in her ear, letting her know how well she was doing as he continued guiding her, adjusting the movements periodically to show her different ways to dip or motion her body depending on the pace of the music. The sway of her hips against his when beats doubled or changed. After a while he knew she was getting the hang of it, smiled and laughed when her feet caught the rhythm. Eventually he slowed and stopped when he felt her skin grow increasingly hot, a light sheen of moisture coating her flesh.

"Do you want to go?"

"Are you finished with your lesson?"

"I would be lying if I said I wasn't enjoying this but I will not push you if you would prefer to stop. We can continue another night."

A smile spread across her lips, that gentle smirk of amused happiness that he longed to see blanket her face. "We should check in on Taran and Mira. I would like to say goodbye before we head out."

Fifteen minutes later, after goodbyes were exchanged and a promise to get together for lunch again in a few days was made, Shepard and Kolyat made their way out of the restaurant and leisurely strolled hand in hand through the Presidium. Taking a detour through the public gardens he noticed the emptiness of their surroundings, the late hour more fitting to a few random civilians and several other couples spending time with one another.

"Do you have work tomorrow?" She asked when they had stopped and leaned against a bannister that looked over a large fountain, with sand gardens and waterfalls beside it, large orange and white fish swimming through the clear water beneath large floating lily pads.

"The evening shift. A little less likely to run late if the opportunity to spend the night presents itself again." He grinned enjoying her hum and smile. She closed the distance between them, her fingers running over his vest, the warmth of them perfect upon him.

"I'm sorry you were late. If I'm being honest, I kind of didn't want you to leave."

"The pain of responsibility." He joked closing his eyes as she brushed a fingertip beneath his chin, teasing the frills beneath, his hand slipping over her hip pulling her just a tiny bit closer.

"I really like Mira. I could see how much they love each other."

"I am glad they really like you too."

"Yeah… I see how important they are to you."

"They are, and I know they're happy I'm not seeing someone again like my last girlfriend."

 _Shit… did I just say girlfriend?_

Kolyat licked his lips and swallowed roughly worried that she might react to what he just said, the hint at the relationship he wanted with her.

"Well, by just the little bit of what Taran and Mira said, she sounded like a real winner."

Kolyat sighed and turned away a little, thinking back on the wreck that Zahria and his relationship had become. How unhealthy things were between them. Why he had even wanted to attempt something serious with her at that time.

"Did you ever get a chance to open up to her?" Kolyat was quiet for a long while, his eyes roaming over the floor below them, gaze following the fish and sporadic paths of their scales, the shimmer of their tails. He knew she could tell how unsure he was with what he wanted to admit to her just yet. How he wanted to start in giving her everything about him. "It's okay. I you're not ready-"

"No… that's not it. I was just thinking how uncomfortable I was with her… how peaceful I am with you. I know how open you are, how you try to understand the best you can, the people you come to know. I want to be like that too."

"Take your time. Whatever you're willing to share with me… I want to know you."

"I… I was jealous of Taran. I hated him actually. At what Mira and he had. They cared about each other so deeply. I wanted that too. So I tried… tried it with Zahria. She was… convenient. We got together a few times and I liked her company. She was… wild, and open to everything I wanted to do. Which was some really bad shit when I first got here, you already know that. I was in a bad place and when I tried to change, she grew distant. Every time I tried to walk away, she was just fucking reel me back in. I think I was just desperate, and I hated myself for it. She claimed me to keep other females away, but she wouldn't let me claim her, and she cheated on me several times. She… she used me, and then she discarded me without care when she was done. I decided I didn't want to ever try again with anyone else. That's why I only found people for single nights. No one got hurt that way."

He felt Sarah's hand run over his back, turned his head to look back down at her. Eyes like a Goddess shining up at him with such care, he knew he wasn't mistaken by the emotion in them.

"And now?" She asked, voice breathy and low. "Are you truly ready to try again?"

"I am." He admitted, his own voice suddenly hard to find. "With you, I am."

"Me too."

He purred low in happiness reaching down to take her hand in his, caressing his thumb over the back of her hand, enjoying her presence, the feel of her beside him. Just her hand in his, more than enough.

"You do know how healthy relationships work right?"

"I think I'm starting to have an idea." He grinned moving a little closer.

"You listen… and you learn. You accept, or you don't. You give yourself a chance to open up completely, let the other see all you can. Try not to hold back. The good, the bad, maybe you'll get lucky and find someone who accepts it. Someone who will see the darkness inside of you and not run screaming."

"I won't run screaming." Kolyat grinned wider turning towards her now, trailing his fingers up her arm. She turned slightly to accommodate him, his body sliding in against hers naturally. How perfect she fit.

"Well, you haven't yet. That's a good start. Even asked me out on a date too."

"After much coaxing."

"I know… I'm sorry, but I'm here now. That's what matter's, right?"

"Indeed… so… if you finally decide to let someone in, to see what's in your heart, everything your scared to admit… who's willing to share it with you… what happens then?"

"Assuming they don't hide under the bed?"

"Assuming they don't go screaming in terror. That perhaps they want a second date… a third… a fourth." Kolyat glided his fingertips over her temple, slipping them through her hair. His eyes roaming over her face as if wanting to remember every detail and contour. "That they decide they want to remain by your side. That you're worth it."

He watched her eyes widen, felt her cheeks begin to blaze. The look in her eyes in this moment threatening to consume him in the emotion she portrayed. So deep, he wanted to drown in her forever, already completely hers. She licked her lips, breath catching in her throat struggling to find her voice.

"Than if you're lucky… you might just fall in love with them."

He closed his eyes and sighed, purring what he felt for her to hear. Never in his entire life did he experience the bliss that he felt in this moment.

 _This is what it meant to be in love._

"I look forward to it." He whispered, parting his lips slowly and closing his eyes. He heard her breath release shakily, his threatening to do the same. Her sweet scent filling his lungs, tightening his chest, making him tremble in such longing for her mouth on his. The soft pressure of her decadent lips, the taste of her tongue tracing against his, hesitating when his omnitool vibrated with an incoming call.

 _Why now?_

He licked his lips and grazed her tongue again with his, ignoring the constant buzzing until she was the one who laughed throatily and pulled away chidingly. "Just answer it."

Kolyat sighed in defeat and hit the indicator, not even looking at the name, as he held her gaze a moment longer before he brought his attention to the screen and Emily's worried face. He blinked rapidly bringing himself back, alerted to the stern look in her eyes and the determination in her gaze.

"Emily, is everything ok?"

"I'm sorry to bother you Kolyat, it's just… Ebony just called me in a panic. She just arrived at Huerta Memorial."

"Is she okay?" Kolyat asked evenly, his hand falling away from Sarah as she listened to the conversation. Her own features becoming professional and calm, paying attention intently.

"I'm not exactly sure but, she was a wreck, crying hysterically. Something happened to Officer Monroe."

"What?" Kolyat asked in rising panic taking a breath to calm his emotions from taking hold of him. "What happened to Keston?"

"I really don't know yet. She was crying and saying 'he killed him, that he's going to die.' I don't know what she really meant. I'm rushing to the hospital now. I wanted to let you know before…"

"Fuck…" Kolyat breathed out meeting Sarah's hard gaze. "I'm going to head there now."

"Yeah, I'll meet you there."

He immediately hung up with Emily and met Shepard's eyes, his lungs completely closed off as he tried to find his voice. Without a word she turned and motioned for him to follow, both of them starting to run towards the skycabs.

A single moment. Just a single moment… and his newfound peace, had been shattered.


	23. Chapter 23

**AN: _Cinuela_** was created and used with the awesome permission of MosaicCreme. If you are not familiar with her writing, check out her awesome story "Targeted Interference.

Chapter 23

They had both jumped into a sky cab and went straight to the hospital after receiving Emily's call. Shepard right at his side while they both stormed through Huerta Memorial towards reception. On the ride over Kolyat had verified to her that Keston was the human male who had been at her apartment that night that he had shown up. Someone whom he trusted and considered a friend. She had remembered him from the club too. The one whom he had been talking to before he had joined her. The same one who had helped take down Jasper, stopping those assholes from taking advantage of her.

He had filled her in as much as he could on the way over, already fearing what might have happened. If Ebony was at the hospital with Emily, he guessed Tellios might have been involved now. He informed her about the harassing and the reports in C-Sec remaining unanswered, the political ties and witnesses that refused to come forward. He explained how Keston had volunteered to keep an eye on Ebony, going as far as to walk her to and from work, every day as far as he knew.

"Did you ever look into why the reports were getting thrown aside?" She asked him just as they reached the lobby area. Kolyat had questioned that himself, but at the time he was still between agencies and couldn't check, even if he wanted to. However, now that he had become a detective, he pondered if he had enough authorization to look into it now without running into a road block.

"I didn't have the clearance, but I'm going to make sure I find out as soon as possible."

"You should call Graham. He could probably help in this."

Kolyat slowed his steps and turned to look at her. How did she know his partners name? He had never told her about him yet or even what he could be capable of.

"How did you-"

"Kolyat!" His name was called from beyond the walkway, the edge of strain hardening the vocals, blending them towards the pitch of distress. Both of them turned to glance towards the waiting area, his throat closing in apprehension the moment his eyes landed on the dark skinned beauty.

Ebony sat upon one of the guest sofa's, shoulders fallen in dejection, hands clasped together between her knees. A wad of tissues clamped between long slender fingers. Emily came forward to meet them, waving her hand in greeting and throwing her arms around Kolyat's shoulders in a soft hug, as if for comfort. Bending down to meet her, he gently returned it before she pulled away and gave Shepard a soft smile underlined with sadness.

"How is she holding up?" Kolyat asked quietly shifting his gaze to Ebony who looked as if she was lost in a daze. The way she carried herself alerted him to the fact that perhaps the two of them were on the cusp of becoming more.

Her head turned slightly and she noticed Emily missing from beside her and her eyes roamed until their gazes met. She started to rise, eyes red rimmed and swollen, quickly filling with tears. He sucked in a breath and held it just as a sob escaped her throat, arms raising towards him.

"I'm so sorry, Kolyat." Her voice broke as he reached for her, letting her wrap her slender arms around him, pulling her gently against himself. The fragile cold feel of her escalating the distress as a tremble wracked her lithe frame blanketed with another sob. "It's all my fault."

"Easy Eb. Everything is going to be okay. I'm sure of it." Emily said quietly rubbing her back soothingly. A careful back and forth motion.

"Can you tell me what happened?" Kolyat asked carefully, keeping his voice low, not wishing to upset her further. Guiding her slowly back towards the couch, he urged her to sit again. Her hands sliding off his body while his mind raced trying not to think of the worst case scenario. The only thing he was still able to go off of was, 'he's going to die' still the forerunner in his thoughts. Dire wording Kolyat desperately needed to clarify.

"They won't tell me how he is." Her hollow voice choked back once more as he sat down beside her, one of her hands held lightly in his. Kolyat looked at Emily for confirmation knowing he wasn't going to get much out of Ebony in this moment.

"They won't tell us anything because we're not family."

"I can change that. Do you want me to find out?" Shepard asked quickly, shifting on her heels, black lace skirt swishing and flowing as she turned slightly looking for a nearby doctor. She looked at him for affirmation, waiting to give her some kind of go ahead. He nodded and immediately he could see her commanding persona take hold. Her shoulders squaring, eyes darkening and turning cold, marching away with purpose.

"Who is she?" Emily whispered when Shepard disappeared around a corner, the petite human glancing at his outfit, the dressy turquoise vest and flashier leathers he wore catching her attention, amber eyes widening slightly. "Oh God, Kolyat I didn't mean- were you on a date?"

"It's okay." He reassured not upset in the slightest about being interrupted. He was already overjoyed with spending time with Taran and Mira. He was confident that Shepard and he would have plenty of opportunities in the future now. "We had just finished dinner when you called."

Ebony gasped back another sob leaning down between her legs slightly. "I'm so sorry, Kolyat. I didn't mean to ruin your evening."

"No, no. Do not think like that. Keston is my friend. Shepard knows what's going on, she will help us if need be."

"Shepard?" Emily whispered again, eyes widening further in recognition when Sarah came back with a doctor close behind her. The look of shock on her face noticeable just as they approached.

"I just called Bailey, he's on his way. This is Dr. Tanner, an acquaintance of mine, and he is willing to talk to us. Apparently Officer Monroe was not the only injured party."

Kolyat rose from his seat and took his badge out, quickly flashing it before he placed it back in his breast pocket, the doctor nodding in greeting as he took a step forward to shake his hand. "Thank you for agreeing to speak with us. I am Detective Krios of C-Sec. Could you tell us who else was involved and the scope of the injuries?"

"Tellios Naverik" Dr. Tanner answered immediately nodding in acceptance. "Mr. Naverik sustained contusions to the neck and throat, ballistic damage to the chest. He was critical condition when he arrived. He is in surgery as we speak."

Kolyat sucked his teeth and cursed mentally, already coming up with a million different scenarios about what could have transpired. "And… Officer Monroe?"

"He's stable." Tanner blinked slowly hesitating as Kolyat released a breath of relief. "They induced a coma to give him some time to heal. Mr. Monroe suffered contusions to the face and sternum, deep lacerations to the upper chest and shoulder, two broken ribs and damage to the windpipe."

"That's when I came back." Ebony finally spoke, voice hollow, a shadow of who she was, all of their attentions focusing on her. "Tellios was on top him… He was choking him… I tried to get him off but… he pushed me aside. Keston couldn't breathe..." Ebony gasped in another sob. "When Tellios pushed me- Keston was able to get to his gun and shoot him… the blood…" Ebony choked back another sob and Kolyat watched as Emily hugged the other woman to her, whispering soothing things in her ear, rubbing her arm before nodding at Kolyat.

Kolyat returned it solemnly in understanding, the traumatic experience, something that Ebony would have to carry with her for a long time. He was thankful Emily was here to console her, a friend that was present who could help take the burden if needed. What she said made him know now, that the turian had most likely instigated the situation, and Keston was most likely presented with no other choice. Shoot Tellios, or die. Right now, it was too much for Ebony to process, the shock and regret sinking their ugly claws into her. It was an emotion Kolyat knew a little too well.

"Self- defense." Shepard voiced mirroring his thoughts out-loud. "Tanner, would you be able to verify that, because of the injuries sustained? What about the bullet trajectory? If there was a struggle the shot would have come from close range like… Eb, said?"

"Ebony." The dark skinned human answered hearing the question in Shepard's voice.

Shepard nodded and turned her gaze back on the doctor. "Ebony said that Keston was able to get to his gun in a struggle, the angle of the bullet and proximity would have pushed right through him. Also the lacerations to Keston's sternum- could you confirm if they were caused by turian claws?"

"What about the injuries to Naverik's neck?" Kolyat asked. "Were they caused by human hands? Did he try to scratch at him? Was their blood under Keston's finger nails to prove a struggle before the weapon was fired?"

Shepard made a sound of agreement meeting his gaze, crossing her arms over his chest thoughtfully. "It would be best, even with an eye witness account, to gather all the evidence pointing to a struggle and a self-defense claim. Especially because of Naverik's political ties."

"Ebony, were you present through the whole thing? Who attacked first? Did you see it?" Kolyat glanced back at the two seated women, Emily's eyes hardening as she stared back at him, arms wrapping around the other woman protectively, amber eyes blazing defiantly.

"Can't you ask her questions later, Kolyat? She's been through a lot."

Releasing a deep breath Kolyat nodded slowly in understanding forgetting that he needed to maintain a gentler approach when dealing with victims of trauma. "You were very brave Eb. Trying to stop Tellios from killing Keston. He's alive because of you."

"Mr. Krios is right." Tannor spoke up quickly, his astute eyes seeing the situation for what it was. "Mr. Monroe's windpipe was almost crushed. A little more pressure and his airway would have collapsed. He would not have survived. You should be proud of yourself. Distraction, saved his life." Ebony glanced up and nodded stiffly before her gaze dropped once again to the ground.

"Will you be able to notify Mr. Monroe's family? Does he have relatives on the Citadel?" Dr. Tannor asked looking at Kolyat hopefully.

"A mother, and an aunt. I will locate them and let them know."

"Good." He nodded in appeasement turning his gaze back on Shepard, smiling stiffly.

"When will Tellios be out of surgery? I'm sure Bailey is going to want to question him for almost taking out one of his own."

Shepard's tone was void of any warmth, the edge to her words making Kolyat think, that if Tellios was awake now, she would be storming into his room and demanding information. He know he would. That, or give him back everything he just inflicted on Keston.

"It will still be a few hours. He was hemorrhaging severely when he was brought here. I'm not going to lie but, I don't think he's going to make it."

Shepard's jaw ticked and thoughts she didn't speak died in her throat. She didn't need to say them though, because he thought the same… _good._

"Can I see Keston?"

"Of course." Tannor nodded. "I will take you to him."

"I need to see him too." Ebony's voice suddenly called out. The dark skinned woman rising from her chair. Emily standing with her, worry blanketing her face.

"Ebony, I don't think you should go." The smaller woman pressed, taking Ebony's hand in hers to guide her back down to sit beside her. Kolyat could see how torn she was as her gaze shifted to Emily, eyes out of focus while she blinked as if trying to regain her bearings.

"Emily is right Eb. I think you should stay here for now. Keston wouldn't want you to see him like this."

Her lips quivered, another sob breaking free as she nodded several times rapidly falling into the embrace of the woman beside her. Emily's gentle eyes meeting theirs briefly, lips grimacing while she allowed the other woman to bury her face in her chest.

"I got her Kolyat. Go see Keston. Let us know how he is later. I'm sorry we didn't get to meet under better circumstances." She eyed Sarah, both of them gently nodding as Tannor turned to guide them away.

* * *

"This is all my fault." Kolyat murmured bringing his hand up to touch the bedrail. His gaze fixated on the human male which he barely recognized in this moment, anger and remorse clenching his chest in turmoil.

If Tellios didn't survive, Kolyat swore he would kill him or have him rot in solitary confinement for the rest of his life.

"You can't blame yourself. You didn't know this would happen." Shepard tried to reason with him. Her gentle voice a searing knife through the smoke of anguish in his thoughts.

"Turians are territorial, and he wanted Ebony. I should have seen this coming."

Shepard called his name sternly and pulled him from his spiraling decent towards regret. Her hand resting over his upon the rail, her eyes keeping him perched against the rising self-hatred in his lungs.

"You never know how these sort of things are going to go but, Keston knew the risks involved. Just like you do, every time you wake up. He chose to be a protector, and he did. He protected Ebony from what could have been something far worse for her."

Kolyat purred mournfully and dropped his head down knowing she was right. Keston had chosen to help him. Willingly did so. He felt Shepard's fingers touch his frills, her soft caress a deep contrast to her powerful presence. He opened his eyes and let her guide his face towards her, his voice lowering as he met her burning gaze.

"I could have helped you. Why didn't you come to me?"

"No." He immediately declined. "I didn't want to get you involved. Didn't want you to think I was trying to use you, for whatever reason you could think of at that time. Besides, this is my job Sarah. Just like I can't involve myself in yours."

She nodded in understanding dropping her gaze from his, and for a long time they stood there in silence, until Kolyat was finally ready to go. They went to the lobby and said their goodbyes and he told both women that Keston was doing well and that they could go home since he would be remaining in the coma for now. After taking both women to the skycabs, relieved Emily volunteered to spend the night at Ebony's, they all said their farewells and parted their separate ways. Eventually they had made it back to Shepard's apartment and he declining her invitation to come inside, an empathetic smile radiating over her lips.

"Can I see you tomorrow instead?" He asked hopefully, the palm of his hand coming up to caress her cheek. His thumb running down the side of her face, cupping her cheek in his hand. Shepard closed her eyes for a brief second covering his hand with hers, before urging it down between them but not releasing her hold.

"Let me see your schedule?"

Kolyat nodded and she let his hand slide from hers, opening his omnitool he moved it in front of her, accepting her presence as she pressed herself against his side, scrolling through the schedule. "I don't think tomorrow is going to work. I have a lot of clients and you have a shift when I'm done. How about the night after? I should be finished a few hours after you are."

"Do you want to stay in or go out?"

"We can do a home night… and it just so happens, you don't have work early the day after." She grinned wickedly already knowing exactly what she was insinuating. He chuckled deeply and pulled her against himself, one hand sliding through her soft tresses.

"Let me make you dinner."

"You can cook?"

"I told you, there are other things I am good at as well." He whispered kissing her softly, tilting her head up to deepen his demand, purring coaxingly feeling her open for him, the taste of her tongue like a catalyst, always a danger of becoming more.

* * *

Kolyat moved around his apartment fighting the nervous fluttering in his stomach. Shepard was due to arrive soon and every agonizing second seemed to stretch into long moments of anxiety. He wanted tonight to be enjoyable. He wanted everything to be perfect, spent a long amount of time researching romantic dinners for humans and hounded Lukas with hundreds of questions, although he didn't complain. Just grinned and answered everything he could to the best of his ability.

Eventually Lukas did tell him to shut up.

He moved from room to room picking up discarded clothes as the food cooked, moving books and datapads off the surfaces of his tables, hiding fornax magazines and making sure porn wasn't on his streaming data on the tv, going the extra mile and deleting his history for good measure. He made it to the kitchen after he straightened the bedroom and living room, quickly doing the few dishes and gathering all of the empty food containers into the trash. He had been a little more than guilty of dropping everything as soon as he entered his domicile since making detective. He barely used the apartment to eat and sleep anymore and now he planned on being with Shepard as much as she would have him.

When everything was cleaned to his liking he moved back to the kitchen to continue with the food. Reading the directions Lukas gave him several times before he even attempted the dish and then read it a hundred times again as he was preparing it. Pasta and a meat called skirt steak that Lukas had recommended. He even had given him the location of a place on the Citadel he could find everything he would need.

He did his best timing the long thin pasta, making sure it was soft by the time he took it out. Letting it drain and adding the red sauce that he had prepared in another pot with a few ingredients on the list he was following. He prepared a small salad and set the counter with the plates and glasses regretting that he didn't actually have a table set or chairs in his tiny apartment. He frowned momentarily wondering what Shepard would think of his home, his whole apartment easily fitting into the space of her walkway and living room.

 _Maybe I should have just cooked for her at her place..._

The buzzer rang and his gut hit the floor. Too late to change his mind now, right?

Excitement gripped his chest, already feeling his frills heat in anticipation of seeing her again, a smile falling upon his lips more naturally now while he ran a hand over his aqua dress shirt, opening his door manually. She grinned as soon as their eyes met, the enchanting color stealing his breath, confidence and warmth shining through.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought this was my boyfriend's house, but since I'm here, what's your name handsome?" She tilted her head to the side coyly adjusting the bag she held in both hands, shifting her weight onto one leg.

He looked her up and down slowly, admiring the presence of her, tight blue jeans and a black off the shoulder top that flowed as she moved. It held enough coverage to hide a gun at her back if she needed it, but sexy enough to still be stylish. Honestly though, she could have worn a garbage bag and he still would have found her alluring.

Kolyat glanced into the hallway, catching the playfulness in her stance, looking in both directions and the emptiness of the walkway before turning his gaze back on her stoically. "I'm sorry, but I'm expecting my girlfriend shortly. I don't think it would be wise to give you my name."

Sarah clicked her tongue and shook her head dramatically. "That's too bad. I had really hoped I would be screaming it later… but if you really don't want to..." She turned on her feet as if she was ready to leave and Kolyat purred in happiness grabbing her wrist just as she took a step away, yanking her gently towards him.

She laughed in enjoyment while she slipped closer against him, her free hand rising to circle around his neck, both of his hands slipped down her narrow waist, holding her firmly. He closed his eyes and resting his forehead against hers, taking a moment to fill his lungs with her subtle scent. The lavender undertones of her body wash and the alien aroma that was just entirely her, still marveling at the fact of his body's need and attraction to someone of another species. How much he desired her presence and touch, the sound of her voice, the smell of her skin.

"I missed you." He murmured, running his lips over her temple giving her a feather light kiss.

"You just saw me two days ago."

"Too long." He smiled bringing his mouth down to hers tracing the swell of them for a brief moment before pulling away. He reached for the bag in her grasp taking it from her, stepping to the side to allow her enough space to move into his apartment.

She took her time, one step and then another, her head turning to take in his home as she made her way into the living room. Closing and locking the door he couldn't help but keep his eyes on her as she moved, the shuffle of her hair, the sway of her hips. How enchanting she was to him. Slowly she made her way to the side of his couch, her heels sinking into the dark blue carpet. Doing a little spin she eyed her surroundings, nervousness creeping within his gut as he started to worry that maybe his small home wasn't good enough for her. Then suddenly growing disgusted with himself for even thinking such superficial things about her, knowing she wasn't like that.

A single grey couch stood in the middle of his living room, a black modern styled coffee table before it adjacent to a matching shelfing unit that held his tv and various articles of belongings he acquired during his time on the Citadel. On the far side of the wall, a matching set of bookcases stood tall, housing his entire book collection, several hundred printed reproductions of mystery and suspense novels. Kolyat loved to read, and most of his datapads were filled with things he had still yet to dive into, but there was just something about holding a volume in his hands that made the experience even better. Like a life forming upon the palm of his hand, something to get lost in when the nights turned quiet and unsure.

She smiled and glanced at the kitchen which was further in the apartment, made up of several dark grey cabinets, a black stove and fridge set and a matching dark grey island that separated the kitchen from the living room. Two stools sitting before it a few feet from the back of the couch. He knew his apartment was small but it was all he could afford on his salary, and it was all he really needed, since he wasn't looking for anything serious with anyone at the time.

"So… this is what a bachelor pad looks like." She smiled meeting his gaze as he made his way to the kitchen placing the bag on the island. Shepard followed after him easing herself onto one of the stools opening up the bag taking out two bottles of wine. "I didn't know what you were making so I brought a red and a white, just in case."

"I made pasta and skirt steak. I also have salad and-" Gasping, he moved in slight panic towards the stove suddenly remembering the garlic bread he was toasting. Grabbing a holder he opened his oven and frowned when he saw the blackened charred bricks taking residence. Grimacing he pulled out the tray and rested it on the stovetop next to the pot of linguini.

"Well that's out." He murmured sensing Shepard come up beside him eyeing the steak on the cutting board and the pasta upon the stove.

"Trying to seduce me with your cooking skills?"

Kolyat hummed and glanced back at the burnt bread. "I might have just lost you then."

She laughed gently, the birdsong of her voice tightening his chest in happiness. "If it makes you feel better, I can burn water. Now _that_ is an achievement of cooking horror if I do say so myself." Kolyat grinned putting the oven mitt down feeling her hand brush against his arm urging him to look at her. "You could have made a simple salad, and I still would have been thankful you even wanted to make something for me."

"You're selling yourself short. I think you're worth more than lettuce."

She hummed thoughtfully as she kissed him chastely. Kolyat couldn't help but close his eyes and take in her scent again, loving how comfortable and natural it felt to be with her now. Suddenly, he felt a quick strike against his cheek, her palm held against his ribbing as he jolted a little from the impact, a growl of enjoyment rumbling from his throat as he opened his eyes and met her darkening gaze. Looking up at him from beneath thick lashes, Shepard bit her bottom lip and smiled seductively, her scent growing stronger, laced with budding arousal. It was one of the things that he knew she started noticing about him, subtle gestures of roughness that pushed him past the edge of foreplay.

Her fingers skimmed the ribbing on his face, slowly dropping to the collar of his shirt, fingertips brushing over the small white closure before tracing his hikari, eyes falling to the dull metal and even lower upon his chest as they fell further down the line of buttons, her hand grazing his stomach. Her warmth was so incredibly inviting that it took more strength than he wanted to show her, as he grasped her hands in his and took a step away from her, the urge to lift her onto his counter and get lost in her, almost too hard to ignore.

"Help me finish setting the table?"

"Are you sure it's the food you want to eat?" She answered coyly trying to close the distance back between them, green eyes brightening in wicked delight.

Kolyat dodged her movement and took another step back, all of his restraint needed in order not to give in. "You can choose the wine."

He watched her expression deflate a little but she chuckled quietly and held both her hands up in surrender taking a single step back. "Alright. I get it. You're still trying to be good." She chided turning around and going back to the bottles on the counter. Kolyat took that moment and released a long silent breath of relief turning back to the food to regain his control. She didn't realize how hard this was for him, did she?

"Pass me the glasses." She said and he turned to hand her the two wine flutes he had already prepared. Grabbing two more cups he poured them some water and placed them on the island before beginning to set their plates with the food. Once everything was ready he placed the dishes down in front of Shepard and his empty seat to get the salad.

"This looks amazing." He heard her say just as he slipped onto the stool beside her.

"Thank you. I wanted to make something more familiar to you, in case you didn't like drell cuisine."

"Well, consider me impressed, but a drell dish would have been fine too. Especially if it was like the vegetables you let me try the first time we had lunch."

"Next time than." He grinned happily watching her in his peripheral taking a bite of the steak, humming in delight before taking an even larger bite.

They ate leisurely as they spoke, discussing Keston's recovery and what the doctors had told him when he had visited the next day. Soon, when he healed a little more, the doctors would allow him to wake up from the coma they had induced. Kolyat told her a little more about Ebony and Emily, his suspicions about Ebony and Keston, pleased that Shepard had picked up on it too. He told her about the friendship he and Emily had started to share. Was amused by how excited Shepard became when he told her about his suspicions about Feron catching Emily's scent, both of them hoping that he would decide to come back to the Citadel when he was ready.

When they had finished eating Kolyat had gathered their plates and she helped him clean the counter, extremely aware of her accidental brushes or the way she flipped her hair casually baring her neck in his vision. Her wonderful smell growing stronger when she touched his hip to move past him, putting the wine flutes away as they discussed a movie that they could watch together. By the time he had finished the dishes she had already sat back at the counter, her chin resting upon her knuckles, elbow propped on the surface, a whimsical expression on her face. The look in her eyes making him extremely aware of how much he had the urge to taste the wine she had just drank on the tip of her tongue.

"Do you want some _cinuela,_ I was able to acquire some recently,or _soryu_? I might have some green tea too."

Kolyat turned around and opened his cabinets looking to see if he might have anything else she might like. Wondering if he still had some _hashi_ left too.

"No coffee?" She asked making him hesitate, his fingers brushing over the canister of _cinuela._ He mentally cursed himself knowing he should have picked up some of her favorite beverage. Maybe bought a machine too, since he doubted this would be the only time they came to his apartment now. "Kolyat, I was just messing with you. _Cinuela_ is fine."

"Are you sure? I can go to the store and get you-"

"Don't do that." She quipped sternly, her gaze hardening just as he turned to glance at her. "I know how drells get when they start seeing someone seriously. "You don't have to conform to me, just because."

"I'm not." He lied. "I just want you to-"

"Don't bullshit a bullshitter."

Kolyat scoffed and grinned, snickering as he grabbed the canister of _cinuela_ to start measuring the leaves for them. He felt her eyes on him while he worked in silence, a soft smile on her lips as he poured the hot water and started on the final steps. "So, have you decided on what movie you want to watch?"

"What are you in the mood for?" Shepard asked opening her omnitool starting to scroll through a few screens. "A new Blasto movie came out, _Tentacles of Doom_ … God that sounds horrible."

"Not a Blasto fan, I take it?"

"Not really. The story arcs are just way over the top. Did you see _Blasto Saves Christmas?"_ Kolyat shook his head in denial pouring the finished tea into the cups. "You're not missing anything. Trust me."

"I saw _Jellyfish Stings_ when it first came out."

"I saw it on shore leave with Thane, he found it 'amusing'." She put her hands up and air quoted before grinning and placing her cheek on her hand again. "Which means he thought it was dumb. What did you think of it?"

Kolyat tried to imagine his father sitting in a movie theater with her but the thought was hard to picture. "I was curious to see how it would work out. The politeness the hanar have, and the way they speak… I thought the idea of a hanar Spectre was interesting, if not odd. It was enjoyable, but I wouldn't want to watch it again."

"So not really a Blasto fan either, huh?"

Kolyat smiled and placed the teacup in front her shaking his head subtly. "I'll let you choose. Just try not to pick something too boring."

"I'm going to torture you through a documentary now because you said that. Maybe something about Thomas Hobbs."

Kolyat blinked slowly and purred in interest as he grabbed his cup to take a sip of his tea. "Really? They made a documentary about Thomas Hobbs? Can we watch it?"

"What? You're joking right?"

"Not at all. I just finished reading Leviathan. Have you read it? His philosophy on the social contract theory is fascinating, as well as his theories on the greatest good and the greatest evil driving an individual. What did you think about the bodies of citizens making up the commonwealth to form the Leviathan? Did you find it conceivable?"

"Holy fuck balls." She grimaced staring at him with a pained expression. "Please don't do this to me."

"What?"

"That shit is way out of my league. I'm not going to be able to keep up with that conversation." Kolyat paused momentarily before grinning, hiding his expression in another sip of his tea, nodding in understanding. The spicy thick taste of the liquid hitting his tongue in a burst of perfect rich flavor. He stayed silent as he watched her move through a few more screens just enjoying her presence, even if she was a shoot first, ask questions later kind of person. Even he had to admit, it was one of the things that had enraptured him from the beginning with her.

"Oh, I know!" She suddenly burst out in rising excitement. "We can watch an old Earth cult classic. Have you ever seen _Star Wars?"_

"No. What's it about?"

"It's a more elegant movie, for a more elegant time." She grinned flashing her teeth in mirth.

"I don't… what?" He asked in confusion. Was she trying to make a joke?

"Never mind, it went over your head because you never saw it. It's a science fiction space opera. It spans over nine movies and centers around an ideal of bringing balance to the galaxy. It also had a bunch of spin off movies, shows, books and all that kind of stuff. It has a huge cult following."

"Ok?"

"It deals with the force and-"

"The police?"

"….No."

"So what are they forcing?"

"Not that kind of force." She shook her head blinking rapidly. "It's a group of Jedi that use their training in the force, which is kind of like a metaphysical power-"

"Biotics?"

"No… like an energy field that all living things create."

"An aura?"

"No!" She shook her head again violently and he forced back a smile noticing her quickly rising irritation by his questions.

"Ok… so what's a Jedi than?"

"They're a group of individuals. Like a knightly order that guard peace and justice in the universe."

"Like Asari Justicar?"

"Kolyat…" She growled warningly. He blinked at her, forcing the smile off of his lips.

"I'm trying to understand what type of movie this is."

"Do, or do not. There is no try."

Kolyat scrunched his eye ridges at her in confusion once more and grimaced. Was this really the type of stuff she was into? "Are you sure I'm going to like this? It sounds…" Stupid and underwhelming high in his standards as he let his sentence drop seeing the disappointment in her eyes.

"It's not. It's amazing and shut up, were watching it. It's really hard to explain. There's a lot to it, but you'll like it, trust me.

Shepard bit her lip thoughtfully as she scrolled through her omnitool again, the frazzled look on her face making him finally break into another slow smile, quickly hiding his expression behind his teacup once more. He couldn't explain why, but he liked any opportunity he could to get a rise out of her. Enjoyed the challenge and excitement she brought every time they were together. Every conversation and interaction easy and enjoyable, on a deeper level. She never bored him and he hoped she thought the same.

Even if she didn't like Thomas Hobbs…

"I bought popcorn."

"Did you really?" Her attention snapped back to him in glee. The look a moment prior, fading completely. "You're really trying to impress me tonight, huh?"

"I wanted you to enjoy yourself."

"I am." She smiled serenely, eyes darkening as they softened. Her simple words relaxing him completely, the content he felt spreading through the very foundation of his soul. Reaching her hand out over the counter she beckoned for him to come closer.

Placing his cup down on the counter he pushed it to the side and placed his hand in hers, letting Shepard guide his movements urging him closer. Placing his elbows upon the surface of the island Kolyat leaned forward taking her hint for a kiss when she tilted her head up invitingly. He touched her gently, a slow caress of his lips over hers, a hand coming up to sweep his fingers into her hair. How much it turned him on to bunch it beneath his palms and force her completely against himself.

Kolyat pulled back and took a deep breath not wishing for this moment to get out of control, although all of his instincts flooded his mind with wanting to taste her skin, his hands slowly exploring her body while she shuddered beneath him. "I'm glad. I have to admit, I was a little nervous for tonight."

"Why?"

"I never really had anyone over. Never entertained or… made dinner for anyone other than myself."

"Never?"

He shook his head quickly in denial letting his fingers linger in her blood red tendrils a moment longer, watching as they slipped off his fingers. "Father came over a few times, but we never did anything more than have tea. We usually didn't stay here long… mostly went out. Maybe it was more for a distraction than being stuck with one another if we started fighting."

She glanced away as if thinking, wrapping her fingers around his wrist guiding his hand back to touch her cheek, fingers spraying over the contours of her face, the softness of her skin, before she closed her eyes and pushed herself more into his touch. His lungs tightened from her actions, showing him how calm she felt with his presence. He was starting to live for these small moments, memories he would want to come back to as often as he could.

"Thane…" She started, running her lips over the pulse point on his wrist, stalling his breath momentarily before she released her hold over him. Grasping the tea cup in both hands she stared at the beige liquid searchingly. He wondered if she was still hesitant to speak about his father to him.

"It's okay to talk about him. I want you to. I want to know whatever you're willing to share. I want to know more of him. I want to know what he meant to you." It took another moment, but she nodded and looked up at him, meeting his stare carefully. So much depth and emotion. He would take any burden she was willing to give him. Understood the pain of her loss.

"It upset him… a lot. He didn't complain exactly but… I could tell it wore him down. We can't bring that with us when we're in the field, but in private…" She took another sip of her tea as if weighing her words. "Kolyat… he loved you so much. There's no words to explain the depth. He wanted so desperately to make amends. Not just because he was dying, because he had an opportunity to finally do so."

"He had plenty of opportunities in the past." Kolyat murmured begrudgingly, automatically, drinking the rest of his tea deeply before pouring himself more, filling up her cup also.

"That's not fair."

Kolyat averted his gaze knowing her words were true. "Kolyat, he couldn't have come back to Kahje even if he wanted too. He was terrified of someone finding out about you, perhaps finishing the job. He was terrified of facing you and seeing Irikah. He never used his real name after that, only aliases… and he always made sure to cover his tracks so nothing would lead back."

"I know." Kolyat sighed knowing he was being petty. "I know… I just wish he could have given me some kind of explanation, instead of just disappearing. I didn't even know he was alive, until the both of you just randomly showed up."

Shepard touched his hand and gave it a soft squeeze. "I'm not going to defend his choice. It upset me too when he told me… leaving a child, disappearing like he did…"

"It wasn't just me…" Kolyat murmured keeping his gaze locked on the murky liquid in his cup. "I wasn't the only suffering. When I got to the Citadel, when father and I started to talk… I realized, father was a victim too. I regret the choice he had to make… but I eventually understood it. I do."

Taking a deep breath he glanced back into Shepard's eyes, trying to keep himself anchored to the present, the smell of blood threatening to rise in the air. His voice barely a whisper with what he was about to admit. "If I had the training and skills. I would have done the same thing. Made the same choice. Killed every single one responsible."

Shepard's chuckle brought him back from the darkness of their conversation and his focus turned back on her, a grin blanketing her lips as she released his hand and brought the cup back to her lips. "You Krios men… and I thought I was dramatic."

Her expression made him smile, easing the heaviness that started to fill the room between them. Any other woman would have been uncomfortable with the conversation, been worried about what he had just admitted. This woman held no judgement, only understanding. "You do like to escalate things quickly."

"In what context are we talking about here?" She hummed eyeing him coyly. Green eyes sparkling with impish implications.

"Well you did almost shoot me when we first met, punched me in the face a few seconds later, got me arrested."

"You deserved it."

Kolyat snorted and crossed his arms over his chest leaning back against the counter behind him. "I deserved a lot worse, honestly."

"At least we toped Taran and Mira."

A burst of laughter erupted from his throat and he nodded several times in agreement. "Your right… but I'm not going to be the one to tell them that."

* * *

Shepard couldn't remember the last time she had grinned for such a long period of time. Kolyat had seemed so hesitant at first about her movie choice, but not even fifteen minutes in he had started to show interest. He had started asking questions, his eyes glued to the screen barely blinking as he watched the drama unfold. She enjoyed his reactions to the different scenes, his snorts at the cheesy parts with the use of puppets, convincing him that for its time the effects were at the top of their capabilities.

She had taken her gun out and placed it on the coffee table as both of them kicked off their shoes and sprawled out on his small couch. She noticed immediately that he was willing to give her most of the room, putting his feet up on his coffee table while she leaned against his side and chest, sharing the bowl of popcorn resting between them. He had paused the movie halfway through and made more cinuela, loving the taste of it, remembering how much Thane had loved this tea too.

After the movie finished Kolyat had gathered the popcorn bowl and cups and brought them to the kitchen to clean. Rolling up his sleeves he started on the rest of the dishes, leaving her with a few minutes to explore the books she had eyed when she had first entered the apartment. She took her time glancing over the bindings of the books, C-Sec regulation guides and shelves upon shelves of both hardcover and paperback novels. Picking one up, she turned it over in her hand and scanned the writing with her omnitool, translating the Rahka language to English, grinning when she started skimming over the synapsis. Were all of these detective and mystery novels?

She sensed him approaching and glanced over to him, something dark and sensual passing over his features. His eyes slowly trailing over her in smoldering intensity. Honestly, she had wanted him the moment he had opened the door. His tall lean stature and the way he dressed tonight automatically making her mind go right to the dirtiest place possible. He didn't even need to wine and dine her but she got what he was trying to do. Behave and show her respect the more serious it became between them. She knew how he felt about her, knew it because she was starting to feel it too. Except now, she was ready to go all in. It didn't matter what they did, or didn't do. She just wanted to be in his company now.

Kolyat's jaw flexed and he momentarily averted his gaze, a slight tick of his lips he did sometimes when he was having an inner battle with his thoughts. Whatever was going through his mind in this moment was affecting him deeply but, what could have happened in a few short minutes to cause him this kind of distress? Was he upset that she found out about his guilty pleasure? Dinner was amazing she doubt he was worried about her opinion on it. Maybe he was worried about her being in his apartment? He could have lived in a fucking cardboard box and it wouldn't have mattered to her.

"What's wrong?" Shepard asked quietly putting the book back where she found it, turning to slowly walk to him. "I like your collection. I think it's only a little less nerdy than my model ship obsession. Actually… nothing is worse than my model ship obsession. At least I admit it. That's the first step to recovery, right?"

She giggled softly trying to lighten the mood but Kolyat's expression didn't soften. His eyes darkening the closer she got, until she stood before him, running a hand over the swell of his cheek. The deep burgundy ribbing warm and soft below her palm. "Care to share your thoughts? You look like your about to give yourself a serious headache." He didn't answer at first, but she was patient as she waited, her hand and gaze falling over his throat and upper chest, her fingers playing with one of the buttons of his dress shirt.

"Tallid…" He started. The name grabbing her attention to glance back up at him. His irises lost in the inky pools of his thoughts. "Tallid wasn't my first assassination."

His revelation made her pause as his words fully sunk in. Blinking at him slowly Kolyat dropped his gaze and took a step back, taking a deep steady breath before continuing. "Tallid… he was just the one that went terribly wrong… or perhaps right, if I think about it a different way." Kolyat sighed and crossed his arms over his chest, making sure his eyes never met hers.

She had to confess, she was a little shocked by what he just told her. Not about completing contracts, she had her suspicions about how easily he had helped defend her during the Unveiling, but the fact that he had been carrying that around with him this whole time. Letting Thane think that they had stopped him from making a terrible mistake. It was sudden and out of nowhere and she could feel the atmosphere shifting around them, something changing within her as she looked at him now. "I never admitted that."

"Why?" She asked, her question coming out barely on a whisper of breath. She licked her lips, dryness setting in as marbles filled her throat. "Why didn't you tell Thane?"

He shook his head in denial and released another loud breath, a mournful purr vibrating from his ribbing while he took another step away from her and stared at the floor. "I had thought about it. Even if to just throw it in his face. To let him know I didn't give a shit about what he thought, because he had already been too late… I kept my silence because; I didn't want to open up to him; I didn't even want to talk to him… and then… I didn't tell him because… I wanted to start opening up to him, and he would have blamed himself further. I didn't want to put a wedge between what we were starting to have. I didn't want that for us in the end."

Taking a slow steady breath Shepard nodded in understanding. All this time they had both thought they had saved him from following in Thane's footsteps. For choosing to take a contract and ultimately, taking a life. Thane didn't want that for Kolyat, because unlike his son, Thane had no choice. It was the only thing he was good at. Kolyat still had a whole future ahead of him. Shaking her head sadly she remembered how Thane had once spoken about entropy and how difficult it was to stop when the decent began… but perhaps this was the sporadic order of things. Perhaps this was the path he was meant to follow, eventually making a mistake and getting caught. The honest truth was, she wasn't even upset about what he just told her, just curious.

"I'm glad you didn't tell him."

Kolyat's gaze quickly snapped up to hers, eyes widening slightly, uncertainty shifting him on his feet. "I… I thought you would be angry with me."

"Why did you admit it to me than? Do you want me to be angry?"

Silence stretched between them for a long moment. She could tell Kolyat was weighing her reaction and she knew he needed a moment to gather his next words. The weight of carrying around something like that with no one to turn to, would take its toll on any sane individual eventually. Thane had his training and the hanar. She had a feeling Kolyat had no one at that time.

"You spoke earlier, about how a relationship means seeing the worst of someone and not turning away… about knowing their darkest secrets, and not being scared of them."

"Did you expect me to hide under the bed from that?" She grinned, her words getting the reaction she finally hoped for with him. Kolyat quirked his lip slightly, the stiffness in his body slowly starting to dissipate from his stature.

"I'm just surprised you don't have questions."

Oh, fuck that. She had questions…

Squaring her shoulders she shifted on her feet crossing her arms over her chest. "How many contracts did you complete before Tallid?"

Kolyat blinked both sets of eyelids and nodded in acceptance. "Four."

"On the Citadel?"

"No… on Kahje."

"In what time frame?"

"Six weeks. I left for the Citadel three days after I finished my last contract."

 _Jesus, he kept himself busy._

"Did they deserve it?"

Kolyat hesitated by her blunt question, both sets of eyelids fluttering closed in nervousness. Remorse took over his expression for a brief moment before his gaze hardened and he met her stare committedly. The dim light of the television making his scales glow in ethereal light. The luminescence reflecting off his irises, making the deep blue shine silver. He had no idea how sexy he was to her in that moment. Confessing a secret that would make a normal woman leave in a heartbeat. Not her though.

"Three of them did."

"And the fourth?"

"My third contract… she didn't deserve it. She was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and witnessed something she shouldn't have. She died because of it."

"But you still completed it." Her voice was calm as she listened. He nodded curtly rubbing the back of his neck wearily.

"I was just the weapon… and I accepted the contract… she would have been dead whether I accepted it or not… and…"

"And?"

"I needed the money. I was desperate to get off Kahje."

He had mentioned that before and she had wanted to ask why he had been so frantic to leave his home. To leave the only family he had ever known and go somewhere where he had nothing and no one. Maybe that was it though? Maybe he had wanted a fresh start? A chance to follow his own path, make his own choices. Weather Thane liked it, or not.

She called his name softly and closed the distance between them, her fingers brushing over the buttons of his shirt again. His shallow breaths making his chest rise and fall slowly as he waited for her to speak. "Your body may have killed, but your soul is still pure. I understand, Kolyat. I understand why you made that choice. Thank you for telling me."

There was so much emotion that crossed over his features that she couldn't quite place it. Remorse, sadness, acceptance, a grimace before he swallowed roughly. "I wish that were still true but... Sarah... I-"

She made a sound to quiet him, her hand moving back up to cup his cheek, a gentle smile spreading over her lips. She needed him to know that this didn't change what was happening between them. Her feelings only growing impossibly deeper while hope for the man in front of her grew stronger. She was confident even further for him now. His life in C-Sec, her doubts about him being able to handle the things in her life. "Your past will not change who you are now. Leave it behind you… and don't let it control who you're becoming... I hate to tell you this, but I don't think anything you say will deter me. You're not allowed to change your mind now about wanting me. You're just going to have to deal with it….Sorry."

Kolyat snorted and smiled widely, his body relaxing under her hold as she touched his cheek again and he covered her hand with his, turning his head to kiss her inner wrist. His silent devotion amidst his coveted revelation. Arching down he closed his eyes and rested his forehead against hers, hands dropping to the curve of her waist. A peaceful moment of quiet acceptance. She wanted him to know how much he meant to her now. How much she wanted to open up to him, and for him to not feel as if he had to hold back from her. She wanted to experience all the things she never got a chance to. She wanted to experience them with him.

"I really care about you Kolyat… more than you might realize, more than I'm ready to admit right now but… I'm here for you."

"I'm here for you too." He murmured, the huskiness of his voice setting her insides aflame. "Whatever you need."

"You know…" She started, biting her lip coyly, pulling away to glance up at him, seeing the blue of his eyes peeking through the darkest depths. "I have to confess, I never actually dated someone."

"I don't understand. My father…"

"No. I mean like, met for dinner at someone's house. Get picked up, and taken out. Plan things and actually have them carried out and not cancelled. Not have to rush through sex between missions, or a quickie in the cargo bay. Well, I never really complained with…" She trailed her sentence off thinking better of discussing sex with Thane while on a date with his son, although Kolyat grinned at her already knowing what she was probably about to say. "I never got a chance to dress up really. Just wanting to look good for someone, just because. Never had hours to kill to just stroll through the Presidium Gardens without being pressed for time or duty."

Kolyat purred at her gently and pulled away brushing his fingers through her hair as her words sunk in. A soft smile spreading across his pouty lips, fighting the urge to get lost in the shape of them. "Don't forget about going to a carnival."

"Enjoying pizza with someone who never had it."

"Losing to someone in a shooting game." He grinned arrogantly.

"You know you didn't win."

"Keep telling yourself that." He challenged back making her chuckle.

"I never took anyone suit shopping before."

"You're lucky than. I did look really good in that suit."

"Hmm, love that modesty."

They both laughed quietly, comfortable silence stretching between them, a nervous fluttering taking root in her stomach. How wonderful and terrifying it felt to be experiencing this again. Her love for Thane would never diminish, but now she could feel that small part of her having Kolyat start to fill it up. The dull ache spreading out and growing warm with every touch, every kiss, every time he said her name.

"You have another event coming up again, right? I would love to watch you try on dresses for me this time."

"Who said I wanted you to go with me?" She teased, kissing his inner wrist once more. Every time she did it, she noticed his eyes grow brighter, his breath hitch in enjoyment.

"You're going to leave your drell sex God behind? You'll upset all the reporters following you around."

She sucked her teeth and shook her head. "Are you sure you're ready for all of that? The attention you're going to get because you're with me?"

The smile suddenly fell from his lips, and he blinked at her solemnly, the seriousness of his gaze contradicting the delicate way he touched her. "I'm ready for everything. Anything it takes to be with you."

She literally felt her heart stop. Time freezing in this moment. Nothing else mattered except the warmth of his hands on her body. The feeling of his presence. The sound of his voice. She had never been shy but something about this moment felt innocent and pure. Real and unforgettable.

Even if what she wanted in the next moment wasn't considered wholesome…

"There's something I want to do, something I never got a chance to – with a drell, I mean. Thane, he wouldn't…" Her gaze fell as did her words and Kolyat gently grasped her face and turned her chin up to look back at him. All that kindness and depth of his emotion, raw and open for her to see.

"Whatever it is… I'll do it. As long as it makes you happy….Unless you want to play golf. Then I don't think this is going to work out."

She laughed in delight before biting her bottom lip, demurely glancing up at him beneath her eyelashes. His gaze darkened in desire knowing whatever she wanted was carnal and full of need. Could he smell her desire? Could he see it in her gaze? Pushing up to her tip toes he bent down slightly to meet her lips adjusting her against him to hold her comfortably and perfectly in his arms.

Gently he urged her arms around his neck while the kiss grew in intensity, a candle sparking to life and spreading. One of his hands fell to the curve of her ass and she felt Kolyats fingers tense, most likely fighting the urge to grasp her thigh and hike it around himself. Instead she opened for him. A slight parting of her lips and his kisses became fierce as he sought for the taste of her tongue. She flicked him lightly and pulled back, his mouth following her as he released a growl of discontent as she turned her face away to deny him.

"Easy." She murmured placing her fingers over his mouth, his eyes now blazing like the sun kissed oceans of Earth. "Come. I want you to stand over here." She urged him around her, pushing him to lean the back of his upper thighs against the arm of the couch, his hands falling beside himself to catch his balance. "Keep your hands at your sides for now, ok?"

Kolyat nodded quietly and watched her in interest, freezing in place, that predatory stillness that his species was capable of, simply mesmerizing. Like a beautiful cobra ready to strike. The thought of what his barbs would feel like, making her shudder momentarily in longing.

"Are you cold?"

"No... besides, you're probably about to warm me up." She grinned moving against him, trailing kisses over his cheek, her tongue running over his sensitive folds, down his neck and over his throat, a soft groan as he tilted his head up and to the side, giving her all the access she wanted.

She refused to disappoint him.

Languidly she skirted her fingers over the collar of his dress shirt, unlatching the button, replacing the material with her lips. The smooth leathery feel of his scales amazing and soft. The fragrant smell of his skin overwhelming her taste buds as his scent mark from earlier started to affect her senses. Button by button she replaced fingers and cotton with the tip of her tongue, trailing down until she reached his waist, nimbly undoing his belt just as she dropped to her knees before him, pushing him back to lean on the arm of the couch a little more firmly.

Shepard grinned glancing up at him, his eyes widening in awe, mouth parted on a silent moan as she brushed her hand over his arousal and opened his pants, releasing him from the confines of his underwear. Sucking in a sharp breath he leaned further back succumbing to her touch, her fingers encircling around him and moving over the velvety feel of him slowly, watching his expression carefully as he stared at the movement of her hand over him, the slow sweep of her fingers.

She took her time exploring the feel of him, caressing his ridges and ribbing, the delicate frill on the tip of him, until he closed his eyes and shuddered from her touch. Using that moment she leaned forward and swept her tongue over the base of him, licking a trail like a whisper of pressure over the frills on the base of his shaft.

Kolyat jumped and gasped in surprise his hand instantly shooting out to touch her shoulder and pull away from her in dismay. "Sarah, you don't have to-"

"You don't like this?" She cut him off quickly squeezing him in her hand, feeling his natural lubrication start to coat him while she glided over him languidly. His fathomless eyes staring down at her on the precipice of torment.

"Our females don't usually do this. It's the male's duty to give pleasure and – my venom." He short of stuttered in bewilderment just as her fingers squeezed the head of him, his breath hitching when she pressed a little harder around him.

"I'll be fine Kolyat, promise, and you need to remember… I'm not drell. Besides, I know you probably wondered what I would look like on my knees for you." She grinned. The dark look passing over his face letting her know exactly the type of things he imagined she would do for him.

"You enjoy torturing me."

"I know you like it." She whispered, grasping the edges of his pants pulling them down a little further while she adjusted her position before him. She heard him say her name again in uncertainty, the worry in his eyes endearing and heartwarming. Licking her lips she smiled up at him, before narrowing her gaze, letting him see how much she wanted him. How much she was going to enjoy this.

"Let me show you how dirty _my_ mouth can be."

She didn't wait for him to protest again, instead slipping her tongue over the slit of him, hoping to pick up the flavor of his pre-cum. The knowledge of what he tasted like on her thoughts since they had first started becoming intimate. Kolyat's breath hitched one more as she took the large head of him in her mouth, circling her tongue heavily against the sensitive frilled tip, her fingers grasping him a little more roughly. A growl of enjoyment releasing from his throat.

Pulling back she met his eyes and made a show of running her tongue slowly over the ribbing on the underside of him, Kolyats heated gaze studying every movement and stroke, before she grinned adjusting herself completely over him. Grasping him firmly, her lips once again circled over the large head of him, this time tasting what she was hoping for. Heady tanginess hit her tongue, overwhelming her taste buds. The subtle potential of the flavorful yet alien promise of what his release would taste like in her mouth, a hint of her desire. She moaned in approval securing her lips more firmly, and sank down.

Kolyat lost himself and moaned in pleasure, the rigidness in his body beginning to relax as he let go and accepted her administrations. She started out gentle, adjusting to his girth and the feeling of his ridges against her inner cheeks. Tasting his lubrication as it slid down her throat helping to take him deeper. His breathing picking up speed when she quickened the pace, using that moment to push down on him and take him as far down as she could, feeling the tip of his member push past the ring of her throat slightly.

He grunted loudly when she sucked a little harder, one of his hands coming up to caress her hair before he hesitated and took it away. Releasing him Shepard sat back on her feet and gazed up at him wickedly, spreading her swollen lips into a sensual grin making a show of licking the swells to get every last drop of his taste from her lips. His eyes were bright, the blue iris's blazing, the ribbing on his throat vibrating a deep growl of desire while he met her stare.

"You can touch me if you want. Grab my hair, guide me against you. I want you to." Her voice was husky as she grasped him and pushed his member against his stomach to gain better access to the tight testicle and the most sensitive spot on his body. A small patch of frills on the underside of his scrotum. She heard him gasp in surprise as she snaked her tongue out and slithered it across the tiny spot, the sounds turning to ecstasy the more she licked and teased him, until his fingers were tangling in her hair, his hips starting to move against her seeking desperate friction.

"Fuck…I can't…" His words were incoherent as he moaned again and shut his eyes as another shiver of pleasure raked over his sone, tugging her hair a little more roughly to guide her mouth back over him. A few more moments and he had completely lost himself, feeling the muscles of his legs tensing as he approached the cusp. She took him a little deeper, running her tongue over the frills on his shaft a little harder, and soon she felt the spicy alien taste fill her mouth, his release coating her tongue while she struggled to keep her lips around him and swallow what she could, his growl of pleasure making her own body pool in need.

Giving him a moment to collect himself, she leaned back on her feet wiping her hand over her lips, lights shining on the outer rims of her vision just as she glanced up at him. His fingers slowly dropped from her hair and he took another second to draw in a deep shuddering breath, his scales glowing with their own halo as she admired his markings and stripe pattern. He had no idea how incredibly sexy and wrecked he looked. Pants half open, moisture coating his shaft, his shirt unbuttoned, hanging loosely from his shoulders.

"God you're so beautiful." She murmured, a grin blanketing his lips sensually, leaning down to sweep his finger over her cheek.

"You okay?"

She bit her lip unable to answer him, a slight sway in the room stealing her voice. Vaguely she was aware of him moving away from her, disappearing for a moment only to reappear with a glass of water. "Here." He urged, offering her the cup, helping her grasp it before holding up a tiny blue tablet between his thumb and pointer for her to see. "Open your mouth."

"Why, do you want me to make you cum on my tongue again?" She chuckled closing her eyes when the room shifted again. Kolyat's hand snaking around her waist to steady her, placing the pill on her tongue waiting as he watched her swallow it.

After taking the glass and placing it on the counter he came back and wrapped his hands beneath her knees and back lifting her effortlessly, carrying her to the back of his apartment and through an open door. Glancing around in the darkness she made out the silhouette of his bed, a dresser and a small desk, before he gently placed her down upon the edge of the mattress, turning to hit the control switch to create a low dim light within the room.

Coming back towards her he dropped to his knees, resting his face on her lap, hands coming around her hips to hug her tenderly, a purr from his throat gently vibrating over her thighs. "Let me know when you are feeling better."

"I'm okay. Thank you for getting me my pill. I guess I wasn't as acclimated as I thought. Eventually, I won't need them. I'll get used to your venom, and it won't matter how much is given to me."

"Was that supposed to turn me on?"

"Why? Did you think we were done?"

Kolyat raised his head and smiled wickedly leaning up to capture her mouth, slowly rising to deepen the kiss, his hands quickly pulling her free of her blouse and slipping her jeans and underwear down her legs. Purring in desire he rose to his feet and removed his shirt, kicking off his pants before sitting on the bed beside her, helping her to straddle his waist, her back pressed against his chest.

Slowly she sank herself upon him, a gasp leaving her throat at the perfect way he filled her so completely, the sensation, indescribable. Leaning against him, Kolyat helped steady her, takin her hand to circle the back of his neck. One of his hands wrapping around her waist to help her momentum, his other hand teasing a nipple, pulling and twisting it between his fingers.

"Look." He whispered, nudging her cheek with his lips, kissing her jaw as her eyes opened, seeing their reflections in the mirror on the wall before them. Her gaze automatically going to where they joined. The way he moved into her and watching as he kept a slow pace catching her breath, a shudder running through her while her insides lit aflame.

"I have never seen anything so beautiful. How perfect you look over me." He whispered against her ear, his expression burning as he watched her staring at them, the tormented look on her face as she fell into ecstasy. A sheen of sweat starting to coat her body. His scales, Shepard's only reprieve from the inferno Kolyat created within her.

She closed her eyes and groaned his name. His languid rocking slowing to a stop. His fingers brushing the hair off her shoulder, calling her name gently just as his eyes brightened in unfathomable assertion. This time when their gazes met in the mirror, she saw exactly what he was thinking.

"I love you, Sarah."

Tears filled her eyes as the words she had already suspected came flooding to her in nothing but genuine knowing and unwavering truth. She gasped as his lips kissed the sensitive juncture on the side of her neck, his ribbing brushing over the side of her face while he trailed his lips up to her ear. She whispered his name wanting to tell him that he wasn't alone in what he was feeling. She wanted to let him know, that she felt it too.

"Kolyat… I…" She started but he whispered her name again to stop her. A soothing sound, urging her into silence. Another gentle kiss upon her lobe as his arms enveloped her, hugging her securely against his chest.

"You don't have to say it back. I just wanted you to know how I feel about you. How real this is for me. Tonight... tonight, I just want you to let me love you."

He pushed into her again, controlled and slow. Moving against her with gentle ease, rocking her hips as he kissed and licked the curve of her back, up her shoulder, over her neck, teeth grazing as his breath flowed over her skin like perfect fire. Losing herself completely within him.

 _Claim me... I want you to._

She whimpered as his hands glided over her body, so flawless, so right. He was filling her up in ways that defied basic senses. Something spiritual, a different plane that bordered the complete consuming of everything that held her rooted.

"Turn for me." Kolyat whispered, guiding her in his arms, wrapping her legs around his back and hips, hands falling once more to her waist. His mouth was back at her throat, and she was barely aware of his heavy breaths skirting over her feverish skin, a struggle to keep herself sane while he threatened to consume her with overwhelming sensation.

She bit her lip and croaked his name again. Wishing she knew a word in Rhaka to express what he meant to her now. How incredible he made her feel. Frustration tensing her muscles as she heard him chuckle darkly urging her closer against him, impossibly deeper, urging her once more to give in.

"You're always in control." His voice broke through the haze of pleasure shivering through her body. "You don't have to be like that with me. Let the rest of the world just fade away. Let go Sarah. Let me in."

A tear slipped from her eyes from his words. The need to let go all she had ever wanted to feel again. The heavy feeling drowning out everything else left within her. The reprieve this man had become to her.

He kissed her deeply, picking up the pace, the sensations overpowering while he purred and tilled seductively. His fingers brushed against her core and her body tightened around him. All that existed now was Kolyat, his smell, his strength, his skin, his aura and pleasure of his touch. The intimate sounds he made consuming her in sensual allure, driving her right off the edge… and she felt something shatter, as she came apart in his arms.

"Fall Kira... I promise I'll catch you."

* * *

He sensed her long before he saw her. Self-assurance and strength radiating off her in sprays of finesse and beauty. Her hand running over the table as she approached, a drink held in the other. A tight black dress and delicate human curves. Her strong presence making him stare longer than considered polite.

"Can I buy you a drink?" She asked quietly, confidence urging her closer to him.

"I do not drink." He tried to deny, her eyes lighting up in challenge. Did she view him as an acceptable conquest?

"We can make an acceptation tonight." She pulled up a chair beside him sliding the drink in front of his hands. Raising an eye ridge in curiosity he watched her smooth comfortable movements as her eyelashes lowered seductively. "So… are you here alone. Or are you waiting for someone?"

"I was waiting for someone." He admitted but for some reason unable to recall who.

"Is she hot? I'll only accept rejection if she's hot."

His lips lifted faintly from her demeanor, nodding as he lifted the glass she offered and placed a napkin beneath it. His movement making her grin widely in amusement before meeting his gaze again.

"Indeed… extremely hot."

The woman chuckled as she bit her lip, eyes lighting up like mischievous jewels. Brighter than the deepest green he had ever beheld. Dark hair, to his eyes almost black as she pushed it off her shoulder and leaned a little closer, her voice a low murmur, soft and alluring. His body reacting to her presence as soon as he smelled the gentle vanilla essence wafting from her skin like a whispered caress.

"That's too bad. You seem like just my type of tall, dark and handsome."

"Do I?"

The woman laughed again, voice joyous and full of tranquility. The sound so familiar, yet alien. The feel of five fingers, pale flesh, skin warm and inviting as she ran her palm over his shoulder. His first instinct was to pull away, but her presence was overwhelming. She slid her body upon his lap and he pushed back from the table to allow her the room, confused why he would let someone so close.

Her hands slid around his neck as she urged herself against him, one of his hands falling at her thigh adjusting her more comfortably upon him. The feeling natural and calming, her touch comforting, scorching his scales like perfect desert sand.

She smiled and his breath caught, enchanted by this creature that suddenly held power over him. "Does she let you do whatever you want? Is she naughty? Would she allow you to tie her up?"

"That is a lot of trust to put in someone."

"I wouldn't mind being at your mercy." Her fingertips brushed his ribbing and he held back a shudder from the gentle caress. Why was he allowing her to touch him so intimately? The words left his mouth so naturally it left him strangely at peace, like he had lived this moment before, a memory being experienced again.

"Is that what you like? Are you sure your belief in me is well placed?"

She smiled slow, sensual and full. Dark lips begging to be covered. The thought of it making him lose himself as her eyes looked up at him with such emotion, it left him breathless in her wake. He had a fleeting thought that this human could be considered an angel among men.

 _I love this woman._

"Only you Thane….Forever."

 _Thane?_

 _Who…_

"Do you want some tea?"

He snapped his attention back to the table blinking rapidly coughing into his hand to hide his shift and discomfort. He glanced around the small apartment and placed his elbows upon the island counter resting his lips on his knuckles, fingers laced before him.

 _How did I…?_

"I bought _cinuela_ leaves." The male shifted anxiously under his stare keeping his expression neutral. Wasn't he just somewhere else?

"You didn't have to go through the trouble. _Cinuela_ is hard to come by here."

 _Where was here?_

The male frowned and turned quickly, irritation tensing his shoulders as he grabbed the canister and opened it roughly beginning to scoop out the dark leaves into the sancai bowl.

"You know, I really went out of my…" He sighed and shook his head, aggravation tensing his shoulders as he took the kettle and began pouring the steaming water over the outer edges of the tiny bowl before placing the lid on it waiting a moment for the tea to develop, rich spicy scents beginning to fill the air thickly. "A simple thank you, would have just sufficed."

Thane frowned and blinked slowly watching the male work. Switching the tea from the sancai bowl, filtering it to the small fair pitcher watching the creamy beige liquid slowly fill as he worked. Pausing between pours, he set up a set of lacquered tea cups upon the table before starting the process once again. He remained silent as he studied him, his tall elegance noticeable upon first glance, but a harshness in his features made his aura seem closed off and withdrawn. The aquamarine and teal scales shimmering to dark blue and back again as he moved beneath the lighting. He was beautiful and captivating, something about him catching your eye almost bewitchingly.

Were they friends? Relatives? Lovers? He had trouble recalling, but he knew this male. The deep billowing sentiment in his chest and mind alerting him that he would die for him if it was ever needed.

"You are right. My apologies. It means a lot that you would go out of your way for me." That seemed to appease him and soon the stiffness in his shoulders dissipated into neutral ease. "How is work? Do you have a significant other now?"

"Work is fine. I'm dating a female right now, Zahria. She's…"

He quirked his lips slightly, watching the male's frills darken. Was he embarrassed by the question? Angry? Did he push too hard? He only wanted to know if he was happy. "Does she bring you joy?"

He glanced at him from the side of his eyes before letting out a deep controlled breath avoiding his gaze. "I don't think it's going to work out."

For some reason he was not surprised by this males revelation. Taking a slow sip Thane placed the cup back upon the table and folded his hands back before him. Maybe he was being too rough with the female?

"I know you are temperamental and brash, but perhaps you should give her time. Be gentle and understanding. I am sure it will work out if you are willing enough to try."

The male's knuckles tensed over the tea cup, a deep frown blanketing his lips as he glanced back at him, rooted anger and something else falling over his features. Pain, disbelief?

"Because it's my fault. It's always my fault, right?" He growled in rising animosity, confusion blanketing his thoughts from the male's quick change of demeanor. His comment wasn't meant as an insult.

"I-I didn't mean-"

"Yes you did." He rose, grasping the saucer that his teacup rested upon, pulling it away from him, before leaning on the table, a sneer as he sucked his teeth. "You wouldn't understand anyway."

"I would, if you gave me the opportunity."

The male turned quickly and dropped the cup in the sink his hands grasping the lip as he hung his head down releasing a deep sorrowful sigh. He turned his head slightly to glance back at him, eyes empty and void of any forgiveness or faith. A cruel smile spreading across full lips.

"It's too little, too late. It won't make a difference. You need to realize that… and finally wake up."

He gasped in a sharp breath, eyes snapping open, the remnants of sleep pushing past the traces of the dream he was already losing, heart racing in his chest. There were people, conversations, something familiar, slipping away to insignificance. He blinked and shifted, pulling in a deep breath as his eyes adjusted through the dim lights of his room. Turning his head he tried to turn over on his side, his body feeling heavy and sore. His hands clutching the edge of the mattress, grogginess taking a hold of his confusion as he forced his legs to work and push himself to a sitting position upon the edge of the bed.

He stared forward, feeling empty. An unfamiliar room, unable to focus on anything in particular. He glanced down at his palms, flexing his hands into fists upon his knees, staring at the green shades. Something else had emerald hues, but what? Something familiar that he couldn't quite place. The color of eyes, of trees, right there and slipping away into the void.

What was it? What was so important? Something he should know falling into the abyss.

Nothing seemed familiar now.

Not even the shade of his skin.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

"You see him?"

"Yeah," Kolyat murmured, the comm in his ear catching Graham's words as he chuckled over the line.

"Son of a bitch, I just left there. Do I have time to get back over to you?"

Kolyat shifted his position against the wall, glancing at the human man sitting on the bench across the park square. The male appeared young, early twenties, wearing an oversized black hoody and a pair of dark blue jeans; Jeremy Wiles. His brown hair, nothing but an overgrown mess, looked like it hadn't been washed in weeks. Kolyat grimaced, wondering if it felt as slimy as it looked, probably smelled as bad too.

This was honestly one of the reasons he'd never been interested in humans before, the only race to have some kind of fur as protection. Originally he found them dirty and odd, uninterested in ever touching one. Although, now he had to admit, one of his favorite activities was to run his hands through Shepard's hair. The other day he even joined her in the shower, helping to wash the blood red waves, mesmerized by how it darkened in color, the soft feel of it slipping through his fingers like liquid silk. He doubted Jeremy's hair would ever feel that soft, but he was probably just biased now because of one particular woman.

The human's eyes shifted around momentarily, and he fidgeted nervously in his seat before settling on another human man who came towards him with purpose, each step short and stiff while he shuffled towards his approach. He was the one whom Kolyat waited for. The intended target, Scott Burkos. A wanted felon for the distribution of fraudulent IDs.

Truthfully, Kolyat found it a little ironic that his first big case assigned involved the research, pursuit, and capture of someone who replicated something he recently illegally purchased, himself. Although, Burkos had nothing on Feron. Shepard called Feron the best for a reason, and after becoming friends with the drell, hell, even finding out Feron once worked for the Shadow Broker, Kolyat knew exactly why. Burkos made too many small mistakes, ones Feron would never make, and that made Burkos easier to track down. Although, Kolyat wasn't going to lie, it did strain their resources in the beginning, took a lot of long hours and lost sleep to finally catch up with him.

Kolyat's mind shifted to Bailey's nephew, Ryan, who was recently released from C-Sec holding, several days prior. Kolyat waited for Ryan, just like Kolyat instructed him, meeting at the exact time and location by the Transport Area agreed upon. Ryan arrived painfully late, close to missing his shuttle, but he guaranteed Kolyat he did it to make sure no one followed him. Without hesitation, Kolyat immediately transferred over the last ID Feron gave him, loading it into a brand new omnitool: Ryan became James, starting a whole new life without problem. After making sure Ryan reached his shuttle without incident and asking James to give Claire his regards, Kolyat called Bailey and assured him that everything was taken care of. He'd never seen so much emotion before on the Captain's face as Bailey thanked him profusely.

Sudden movement brought him back to the task at hand, Burkos reached into his jacket pocket to produce a handkerchief, handing it to Jeremy just as he let out a fake sneeze. Kolyat rolled his eyes and shook his head, immediately knowing the chip was probably folded into the cloth while the two of them held what seemed to be bullshit small talk.

"Graham, hurry your ass up. The transaction's taking place."

"Fuck, I hate running. Don't let them out of your sight, I'm on my way." His voice strained as Lukas no doubt picked up his pace.

Kolyat started walking a little closer, pretending to look at his omnitool and then a billboard of a menu for the café around the corner. Jeremy opened his omnitool, his lips etched in a scowl when he tried to shove the handkerchief back at Burkos, clearly unhappy. Maybe there was a problem with the price? The quality of the goods?

Jeremy raised his voice. "This isn't what I asked for, old man!"

Burkos, surprisingly keeping calm, placing the cloth into the inner breast pocket of his suit jacket. "My apologies. I was trying to be polite." He immediately rose, adjusting his suit jacket, shifting his briefcase in his hand. "If you'll excuse me then."

"What? Where the hell are you going, we're not done yet." Jeremy jumped up in agitation, making Burkos frown and step into him quickly, whispering something that froze Jeremy in wide-eyed horror.

"Where the hell are you?" Kolyat pressed, keeping his voice as low as possible. "Burkos is about to leave."

"I'm running. Get the kid. I got Burkos."

Kolyat turned from the board and started to make his way over, watching both of them cautiously. Burkos pushed the kid away in anger just as Burkos met Kolyat's eyes. "You snot-nosed, little shit. You were followed."

Jeremy turned and glanced around wildly from the older man's accusation, eyes wide the moment Kolyat pushed forward in pursuit. The boy jolted in alarm, staring at Kolyat in dismay before turning, ready to bolt. Suddenly, Lukas barreled around the corner, slamming into Burkos and side-stepped him. Tugging on the older man's arm, he cuffed him just as Burkos gaped in shock, his briefcase dropping to the ground with a loud thud. Kolyat barely had time to register the panic on the older man's face, while Lukas yelled out 'C-Sec', before Jeremy ran away at full speed.

"Shit, he's fast." Lukas whistled, grinning widely. "You better hurry up Krios, he's getting away."

Kolyat sucked his teeth and bolted after Jeremy, his longer, faster strides, closing the distance between them as his adrenaline kicked in. Twisting and turning, he tried to dodge pedestrians, the human tripping over things as he turned to see if Kolyat stayed on his trail, panicking when he realized the officer remained behind him. Turning into an alleyway he recognized, Kolyat noticed Jeremy reaching into the waistband of his jeans, most likely to grab a weapon. Unwilling to take the chance, Kolyat bolted down a different side street and pushed his body to the limit, making up the speed difference, in order to cut Jeremy off.

Turning two more corners, Kolyat waited at the mouth of the alleyway for the human to make his way out, his speed already decreasing to a walk as he glanced behind him, realizing Kolyat was no longer there. He watched Jeremy suck in gulp after gulp of air, trying to catch his breath, while Kolyat pushed himself into the shadows at the other end, waiting for him to approach. Sliding his pistol from his hip, Kolyat watched Jeremy's hands and his grip on the gun while the human continued toward the end of the street.

Waiting until the last possible moment, Kolyat rushed out with quick precision, grabbing Jeremy's wrist and twisted, relying on surprise as he yanked, causing the human to drop his weapon. Once he heard the clank of metal upon the ground, Kolyat kneed Jeremy in the stomach and hit the man with the butt of his gun, bringing Jeremy to the ground in a groaning heap. Kolyat holstered his pistol and grabbed his cuffs, kicking Jeremy's weapon out of reach before putting the bands around Jeremy's wrists, leaving him dazed and confused, but held him down just in case.

"I got him," Kolyat spoke over his comm, checking in with Graham.

"Where are you?"

Glancing around, Kolyat saw the street sign, instantly recognizing his location. "Between Ricter and Vinto, there's an alleyway-"

"I know it, I used to walk one of my dates home through there."

Kolyat glanced around the side street, eyeing his surroundings, taking note of the dirt and grime covering the walls. Shadows and moisture making them look wet and sticky, too many dark areas to be considered safe. "Very romantic," Kolyat remarked dryly.

"Eh, I didn't like her much."

"Apparently."

"Let me go! I didn't do nothing wrong!" Jeremy started squirming forcing Kolyat to push him down to prevent him from moving away, hands quickly checking his pockets.

"Intent to purchase illegal software, associating with a known fugitive, possession of an illegal firearm…" Kolyat emptied his pockets finding a knife and two software chips. "I bet these are unsanctioned VIs, and the knife is over the legal carrying size." Kolyat checked his other pocket and took out a small, clear, plastic packet. Inside he found three, bright glowing, baby blue, round tablets. Kolyat sucked his teeth, recognizing them from previous briefings. A new synthetic drug circulating throughout the lower wards, leaving over a dozen people dead from overdose and inciting at least one gang-related massacre over drug turf.

"Shit." Kolyat growled, realizing they were probably about to lose jurisdiction over Jeremy now.

"What's wrong? Shut up and get in the car!" Graham's voice rose, most likely speaking to Burkos. Kolyat heard muffled threats coming from the irate human in the background.

"He had Blue Krystal on him." Kolyat shook his head, shoving the bag in his pocket before yanking on Jeremy's cuffs to get him to his feet.

"Ah, shit…" Graham replied, clearly understanding exactly what that meant.

* * *

"Did you see me coming? Tell me I wasn't a ninja right there?" Lukas grinned widely, throwing his basketball into the hoop beside Kolyat's desk, both of them chuckling while they got ready to work on the papers to process the arrest reports.

"I didn't expect you to practically barrel drive him. You knew Wiles was going to run, didn't you?" Kolyat quirked an eye ridge, glancing at Lukas skeptically.

Lukas averted his gaze, blue eyes focused intently on his computer screen, while he scratched his beard thoughtfully - a mannerism Kolyat started to associate either with an attempt at bullshitting, or figuring something out. "I assure you, I don't know what you're talking about."

 _Bullshitting._

"Just make sure you tell Ami how cool I was next week when you meet her," Lukas replied with half-hearted effort, avoiding Kolyat's narrowed gaze.

"I'll make sure to tell her you stumbled and got lazy, knocking down an old man and sat on your ass, while I chased a guy younger than me through the Presidium like a maniac," Kolyat replied dryly, frowning as he opened his folder to start up the report.

"Sounds just like me." Lukas laughed loudly and nodded. The smile slowly faded as he shifted into work mode, glancing back and forth through open files, fingers beginning to fly over the keyboard. Several moments of silence passed while they began processing Burkos and Wiles's criminal background checks, adding the report to the long list of charges they were about to pin on them, preparing to explain how the arrest went down.

"So am I finally going to meet your girlfriend next week, too? It's official now, right?"

Kolyat stopped typing and glanced over at Lukas, still skimming over a file, sifting through the papers. He hesitated and looked around, his thoughts completely on Shepard and what happened the other night. He told her that he loved her. A really big step for a drell, their species unable to fall in and out of love easily like humans could. Kolyat knew Shepard, above all, would know what that meant for him, how hard it would be for him to stop his descent of feelings for her now. Yet, he hadn't wanted for her to return it. At least not yet, he knew she wasn't ready, understood how much of Thane remained in her heart, and he was okay with that.

Kolyat understood his father still loved his mother, even though Thane fell in love with Shepard eventually. Kolyat just hoped the same was happening for Shepard towards him now. Drells could love unconditionally, and he prayed Shepard, keeping a part of his father with her, would still be open to experiencing the same with him. Kolyat's gut told him that she was starting to, but his mind wanted to protect him from the possibility, that even though Shepard assured him she was going into this relationship completely, a part of him still worried that in the end, it wouldn't be enough.

Always a shadow of the man who came before.

"You okay? You got quiet," Lukas asked, pulling Kolyat from his spiraling thoughts.

"Yeah, I just have a lot on my mind."

"Did you fuck up the steak?" Lukas grinned, blue eyes sparkling with warmth as he pulled his attention completely to Kolyat. "Tell me you didn't fucked up the steak?"

"I told her I loved her."

That shut Lukas up. His mouth dropped open, eyebrows raising in surprise. "Oh… well, damn. That's… really big."

"Yeah…" Kolyat faltered, wondering if perhaps he shouldn't have admitted that to Lukas.

"Did she say it back?"

Kolyat swallowed and looked down at his desk, voice failing momentarily while he licked his drying lips, a physical chore not to slip into a memory of their night together. "No, but it wasn't like that. I didn't want her to. I wanted her to know how I felt without the pressure of her having to say it in return. Whenever she's ready… if, she's ever ready."

"Damn man… you really have it bad for her, huh?"

"Is … that not a good thing?"

Lukas stared at him silently, blue eyes studying him carefully, weigheted and filled with genuine concern. "As long as she feels the same, then no."

Kolyat opened his mouth, ready to say something, but their office door opened without warning, and his focus immediately turned to the unknown turian male walking inside. He noticed the warmth leave his partner's eyes, the clear blue darkening momentarily before Lukas pushed a friendly smile on his face, rising from his desk chair in greeting.

"Tyrus, it's been awhile," Lukas spoke carefully, meeting the turian around his desk to shake his hand a little longer than human etiquette required. A hardness entered Graham's features that sent warning signals shooting over Kolyat's spine. "You haven't met my new partner yet. Kolyat Krios this is Malik Tyrus."

"An honor to meet you." Kolyat rose from his seat, bowing politely to show respect, taking his cues from Lukas.

"Likewise. I heard a drell joined the detective ranks. I'm surprised you were given third division so quickly."

"Kolyat is more than capable. I wouldn't have petitioned to take him as my partner if that wasn't the case." Lukas spoke up quickly, standing up straight as he eyed Tyrus critically.

"Petitioned?" Tyrus chuckled, mandibles flickering in amusement. "I thought you were being punished. Most in my division did."

"Well, make sure you spread the word with the truth of the matter, then. I know you're good for it."

Tyrus clicked his tongue rudely, a low, insulting trill erupting from his throat Kolyat knew Lukas was unable to hear. Kolyat growled menacingly in warning, letting Tyrus know that he'd heard the insult and didn't plan on standing down quietly if it came down to it.

The turian turned his gaze over to him, green eyes sizing him up as if weighing his worth before Tyrus grinned maliciously. "I see they already trained and put a leash on you. I wonder, who's the new master now that Bailey is not in the picture anymore?"

Kolyat frowned but held himself in check from lashing out, hands balling into fists at his side. Who the fuck was this guy?

"What is it you want, Tyrus?" Lukas huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. "Duncan couldn't come sniffing around here himself? He send you to do his dirty work?"

"You know what this is about, Graham. I was just giving you the courtesy, of letting you know we're taking over, and a thanks for doing the leg work. I heard the kid put up a chase."

"Nothing we couldn't handle." Lukas smiled widely, the humor not reaching his eyes.

"Yeah, I bet. It must just suck from your perspective, after all the time you wasted on Burkos, to have to hand him over to us."

"What are you talking about?"

Tyrus chuckled again, glancing at Kolyat and then around the office that still held crates and boxes left unpacked. "You didn't know? Burkos was a dealer of Blue Krystal. We've known about it for weeks. We found out he was on your radar, so we backed off to let you work. You did a good job tracking him, by the way. Duncan wanted to give his thanks before we take him off your hands."

Kolyat blinked rapidly in surprise, turning his gaze on Lukas, unsure exactly what to say or how to go about this situation. They were about to lose Burkos to another jurisdiction, too? All of their work would have been for nothing, as they'd lose the rights to question him on their current case. Lukas stood there unmoving while he stared silently at the turian before him. Kolyat saw he was upset by the subtle changes in his posture - the way he flexed his fingers and his ears flushed slightly - although he tried to hide it. Lukas swallowed hard, his adam's apple bobbing before a wide smirk broke across his lips in friendly warmth, leaning his hips to rest back against the desk.

"You should have just told me from the beginning. I would have been happy to help instead of you guys keeping it secret. There was a way for me to access Burkos and his associates, they might've even been linked to the Blue Krystal case, I bet. Unfortunately, you'll only get Burkos now, instead of the other contacts, because they aren't sanctioned under your jurisdiction … and now they never will be."

"What?" Tyrus hummed in shock as Lukas shrugged indifferently. "Duncan… he won't be happy if this is true. We've been working the Blue Krystal case for a while now."

"You see, you should have let me in on it. We all work for the same cause. I would have been able to help you guys more." Lukas grinned uncaringly. "You should keep it in mind for the future, okay? Krios and I will transfer the reports over to your division once we finish. Is that alright with you?"

Tyrus stood there dumbfounded before he caught himself and nodded slowly, glancing at Kolyat, who forced his face still, not wanting his thoughts to show while they stared at one another in silence. Lukas just gave Burkos to him without a fight? Wasn't there anything they could do to prevent losing him to the other detective? Wasn't it bad enough they were losing Wiles?

"Anything else you need?" Lukas asked, moving around his table to sit down in his chair again. Opening up one of the files on his desk, he glanced through it, quirking an eyebrow at the turian still standing in their office to dismiss him. "Do you mind? Krios and I have a lot of work to do before the transfer. If you'll excuse us."

"Yeah… yeah, alright. I'll leave you to it. I'm sure you'll be hearing from Rowe."

"I look forward to it. I'm sure Krios would love to meet him, too."

Malice flashed in Lukas's gaze while Tyrus turned to leave, the human's wide, toothy smile falling the moment the door shut behind him. Kolyat watched his partner in silence while he sat back in his chair. In disinterest, Lukas dropped the file he picked up, leaning back in his own chair, reaching for another small basketball, and started to spin it in his hands, fingers flexing over the tiny, plastic ball as a whirlwind of silent thoughts flashed over his face. Taking a deep, controlled breath, Lukas seemed to use it to fight his anger and turned his gaze back on Kolyat silently, his jaw flexed while a whirlwind of thoughts crossed his features.

"I know you have high hopes for this place. When you applied for detective, was it to eventually make first division?"

"Yes," Kolyat answered truthfully. "That was my goal."

Lukas nodded solemnly, his gaze studying Kolyat warily. "Look. I don't want to deter anyone from life goals, but that guy was first division. The unit is filled with guys like him, quick to shit on people below just to get ahead. There's something going on behind the scenes right now in first division, just a hunch. I have a feeling but nothing can be proven. I'm just giving you a warning, Krios. Take it to heart, don't take it, but be careful with those guys. I don't trust Tyrus or his partner, Duncan Rowe… and I definitely. Don't. Trust. First division."

* * *

Shepard's eyes shot open, her breath caught in her throat, heartbeat hammering wildly against her rib cage like a stampede of raging elephants. It took several moments for her eyes to adjust and even longer for her mind to comprehend that she wasn't on a platform any longer, wind whipping through her hair, bringing the stench of blood and decay. The acrid, pungent aroma, still lingered with the fading memory.

Her eyes focused in the darkness, seeing the silhouette of Kolyat's sleeping form in the low light beside her. His lips were slightly parted, face soft and serene in deep sleep, and for a moment, she just listened to his quiet breaths. He was still alive; not bleeding and dying before her, impaled by dragon teeth. She still felt the phantom splatter of his blood from her dream, the way it soaked her clothes, forcing the horror of the moment to tighten her lungs to the point of choking.

She still heard Thane's words whispering to her from the edges of her subconscious. ' _Everyone you love, will either leave you, or die.'_

Trying to stay quiet, Shepard slid the sheets silently from her body, focusing on any change in Kolyat's breathing, making sure her shuffles didn't disturb him. She paused and waited before slipping her body completely from the bed, watching the rise and fall of Kolyat's chest, his sleep still uninterrupted. With one last lingering look, taking in the shape of him in the darkness, she turned to make her way down the hall.

Kolyat arrived at her apartment already exhausted, his dimmed scales and paler frills alerting her to a change in his health. At first she thought it might be his time for _mi'taro_ , but he assured her that his shedding time was still not for another month or so. Shepard told him to just go home and get some sleep, but Kolyat only refused, adamant about keeping their date.

He fell asleep not even fifteen minutes into _Empire Strikes Back_ , the order for dinner delivery not even made. She ended up waking him long enough to help him get undressed, and he passed out again as soon as his head hit the pillows.

Reaching her kitchen, Shepard activated the curtains to slightly part, allowing just enough luminescence to seep through to see without strain, the Presidium's night cycle still in effect.

 _0247 hours._

Activating the coffee maker, she stood in silence, hip leaning against the cool marble of her countertop, thinking back on her nightmare, already slipping from her grasp of remembrance. A field of sunflowers; being at peace and then ... Thane. She went to him, and he avoided her touch, ignored her pleas as Reapers descended from the sky. ' _You have made your choice, Siha. Permit me to make mine. I will wait for you no longer.'_

He left her, and Kolyat took his place. When she reached for him, dragon teeth impaled him. Her hands slipped over the biotic spikes in panic, blood soaking her clothes while Kolyat screamed in pain, the light leaving his eyes. It had felt so real, the feel of his blood, the pain from Thane's harsh words while she watched another man she now cared for die before her.

Footsteps brought her attention to the hallway, yanking her from the memories of the moist blood on her skin. Kolyat came slowly around the corner, glancing into the living room curiously and then into the kitchen, looking for her and met her gaze. Smiling in apology, Shepard slipped into one of the stools by the counter waiting for him to approach her. She thought she had been quiet enough. "Sorry Kol, I tried not to wake you."

He smiled gently in return, holding for a moment before he made his way over, like she knew he would, her gaze lingering over him while his scales caught the light. She stared at the soft shimmer, only a pair of boxer briefs to cover him, before her eyes trailed up to his. Such exotic beauty a hands reach away.

"It was your missing presence that woke me," he replied softly, walking towards her, kissing her on the top of her head before he moved behind her and went straight toward the cabinets.

Taking down two mugs, Kolyat grabbed the pot without hesitation and poured the dark liquid when the coffee machine blinked to signal its completion. Kolyat placed one of the cups in front of her, and she continued to watch him in silence as he moved through her kitchen, grabbing the milk and sugar. She liked how comfortable they were now, little things like this warming her heart as he pulled up the stool across from her and sat down. "I apologize for falling asleep. I thought I'd be able to stay up with you."

Shepard smiled and touched the top of his hand, a gentle, comforting caress. "You looked exhausted. I'm surprised you lasted as long as you did."

Kolyat made a sound through his nose in agreement, pouring a small amount of sugar into his coffee. "It has been very busy at work, there are a lot of things happening at once."

"And you thought detective would be easy?" Shepard grinned, pouring milk and sugar into her own cup.

"I never said that. I just didn't realize I'd be a novelist with all the paperwork required."

Shepard snorted from his quip, staring in amazement as he raised the cup to his mouth and took a sip. Kolyat paused and licked his lips thoughtfully, staring down at the dark liquid as if contemplating the taste before he looked back at her.

"I can't believe you're drinking coffee, and without milk." Shepard scrunched her nose in mock disgust.

"I'm too tired to make tea right now. Maybe the coffee will help, I feel like I haven't slept in a week. Besides, you're obviously staying up, so I will too," Kolyat sighed rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand, just as she bit her lip to stop a grin from forming.

"You might never go to sleep again, the coffee virgins never do after their first time."

Grinning back, Kolyat took another sip and met her eyes, somber understanding taking the place of any mirth. "Bad dream?"

Swallowing roughly, Shepard took a deep breath and nodded solemnly, gaze dropping to the light brown liquid. Trying to focus on the sound of Thane's voice, his words drifted back to her clearly.

 _'You have made your choice, Siha.'_

She knew it was a dream, her subconscious trying to make her feel guilty about her feelings for Kolyat. The events of the other night. He told her that he loved her, and she had wanted to say it back, felt it in return. She knew Thane would not fault her for being able to move on,it was a miracle she even started to, but seeing him, feeling Thane's hands beneath hers ... it didn't make it hurt any less.

She would always love Thane.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Kolyat urged gently, patiently, as she met his stare. The endless, inky pools pulled her in, their sincerity, truthful and pure. They had come so far with one another, and she never thought she would be able to love again, but here it was. Someone else claiming that last piece of her. The dangers of what that really meant made her hesitate.

"I dreamt about Thane," she confessed slowly, taking another deep breath as she pushed away the sounds of his voice whispering in her mind. "Reapers came and I was forced to leave him, I had to fight. I ran, and then I saw you. I called out, and when you turned around... you were killed."

Kolyat stared at her for a long moment, this time placing his fingers over hers, caressing the back of her hand in languid circles. "It was just a dream."

"I know, but…"

Increasing the pressure on her hand, he urged her to turn it over and take his hand in hers. Focusing on the feel of him, she tried to let her mind take him in. He was warm and real, anchoring her with the presence of his body, his silent strength.

Shepard glanced at the glass cabinet, her gaze lingering on Thane's jacket and _hikari_ , sadness and regret gripping her lungs. She needed to tell Kolyat the truth, of what happened to her before. The reason she wanted to kill herself. The things she started to perceive. "I… I would see him sometimes. Hear him calling to me."

"They are just dreams."

"No," Shepard answered simply pulling her hand from Kolyat's grasp. He didn't understand. He said he loved her, but he didn't understand who he said he loved. There were still traces of darkness in her soul remaining, not as strongly, but still lingering like a waiting wolf stalking her in the night. The things she'd done, what she remained capable of doing, what she'd seen…

"Not just my dreams," she admitted, waiting for him to process what she was trying to say. Her dark secret and her brand of crazy threatened to spill forth from the tip of her tongue. "I heard him that night, he called to me."

"Which night?" Kolyat asked gently, eyes narrowing, seeming to struggle to comprehend what she was trying to convey.

"The night you and Keston came to my apartment. The night I tried to kill myself." Shepard saw realization enter his features. They'd never discussed what happened that night, not in detail, and neither of them ever mentioned it again, except for when Kolyat used it in order to say he cared about her. Licking her lips, she glanced away from him again, scared to see what might be on his face as she spoke. "I heard his voice as clear as yours now. Sometimes I'd see him. The world just fading away around me while I tried to focus on him. The pain when reality came crashing back on me, indescribable. I wanted to meet him across the sea… sooner than I was prepared to wait for."

Shepard turned her eyes back toward the glass cabinet, feeling empty, thinking back on all of those nights sitting exactly where she sat now, praying for death. Praying for just one more moment with Thane. One more second of hearing his voice, wishing she was drell to relive her memories with him.

"When Thane died ... part of me died too. Like, all the fight just disappeared within me. I wasn't living anymore, I was only existing."

Kolyat stayed quiet for a long moment, his own eyes trailing towards the glass cabinet, lingering over the contents. "When did father and you really start to care for one another? Was it instant for both of you, or who – when did it turn into something more?" Kolyat asked suddenly, his voice neutral and calm.

Shepard bit her lip and sighed, hesitating with the truth of her answer. "You were the turning point."

"Me?" Kolyat blinked rapidly, both sets of eyelids fluttering in surprise back towards her. "How was it me?"

"That's when Thane told me everything. About Irikah, about the people he hunted, about you. He asked for my help to stop you, to save you from becoming him. Thane was worried when he told me, thought that I'd hate him but… I've done many horrible things, too, to many horrible people. Just like him. Many, I was just doing my job, as a soldier, and as a Spectre. I've killed, and I've destroyed lives. War, missions, what did it matter? I killed husbands and wives, brother and sisters, left children as orphans. Thane received no judgement from me, nor did he have any to return. When we … stopped you, Thane completely opened up. We became each other's strengths. When he died … everything inside me went with him."

Shepard finally looked back up at Kolyat, a pained expression covering his features, tired eyes strained and filled with uncertainty. Tentatively, she reached her hand out for his, knowing doubt probably started to fill him up inside, but that's not what she had wanted to happen. She just wanted Kolyat to see her a little more clearly. To see Thane and what they'd been together. What Kolyat had started to become to her too.

"Kol, I wanted you to know what was happening with me. I need you to truly understand who I am, what I am capable of. I know the war's not over, and there might be a possibility that I will have to fight again. Not because I want to … but because I have to. You helped me see that again. I wanted you to know that. How much I appreciate everything."

"Sarah, I…" His words faltered for a moment, eyes falling to his cup as if searching for words hidden within the dark liquid. "I don't know if this means anything to you right now but… I'll be right there with you... if you want me to be."

Shepard felt her chest growing tight from the emotion and sincerity in his voice. What he felt for her, open and raw, upon his features.

 _I love you, too…_

"It does. It means something. Kolyat, I..." Her words faltered and her gaze moved back towards the display case. Thane's _hikari_ catching her gaze again before her eyes fell back on the man before her. The one who started to fill her up again, awakening her soul from slumber.

"I..." She tried again, voice failing again, until Kolyat made a sound to sooth her, taking her attention from anything else, his blue irises brightening in the darkness.

"You don't have to say anything else. I understand, Sarah."

"The other night, what you said. Did you really mean it?"

"Yes," he answered without hesitation.

"Kolyat… I want you to know … I feel it, too… I feel it, but… I'm not ready to-"

"It's ok. I didn't say it for any selfish reason. I said it, because I wanted you to know what you mean to me. I see you, Kira. I know who you are. Just like I want you to know me. You never have to hide who you are. The good, the bad, all the pain, your dreams. I want all of it. You're Commander Shepard, and you are Sarah… and I love you, all of you."

"What if…"

 _What if I can never say it back?_

"Kira…" Kolyat called gently, moving from his seat to stand before her. Bringing one of his hands up to caress her cheek, smooth heat moving down her face, hooking his finger beneath her chin, he pulled her gaze up towards him. "Just tell me, do you care about me?"

"Yes," she answered automatically without thought.

"Do you look forward to my company?" He smiled softly, a melancholy air taking the place and washing away the horrors of her dream. Her moment of doubt.

"I do."

"Do you think about me through your day, as much as I think about you?" Kolyat's eyes searched hers, lips thinning out as self-consciousness seeped through. She was barely able to make out the outline of his irises anymore as they moved back and forth.

Bringing one of her hands up to cover the back of his, Shepard grinned coyly, trying to lighten the mood. "What kind of thoughts are we talking about here?"

"Anything that lets me know I am on your mind."

Eyeing him appreciatively, her grin spread a little wider, thoughts finally calming. "You are… although sometimes you're wearing a lot less."

Kolyat paused and eyed her carefully before a deep chuckle escaped his throat, a joyous smile sweeping over his face as if taking the place of his worry, before he ran his fingers through her hair and leaned down to brush his lips over hers, a whisper of pressure. "That's all I need to know. Just think of me. That's all I ask. I'm not going anywhere... promise."

Increasing the pressure, he kissed her harder, the taste of the coffee mixed with his natural, spicy scent, parting her lips in yearning. A tease and a flick of her tongue and immediately Kolyat purred in content. "We should go back to bed." He grinned, pulling her wrist gently to guide her from her seat, ushering Shepard to her feet. "I need to make it up to you, for falling asleep earlier."

"Kolyat, I understand how tired you were, I promise I'm not upset."

Pulling her against himself, Kolyat wrapped his arms around her waist, bending down and burying his face in the crook of her neck. His lips trailed over her skin, the vibration of his throat sending enjoyable tingles through her body, one of her hands coming up to caress his cheek.

"You don't need me to console you?" His hand moved over her stomach, slowly brushing against the edge of her tank top. "You don't want me to apologize?" He continued just as his fingers dipped below the material, skimming over her stomach to brush over the underside of her breast. "You don't want me to run my mouth over you, until you forgive me?" Kolyat bit her neck, a moan escaping her parted lips, fingers capturing her nipple, now hardened under his ministrations. She felt her insides tighten in desire, a need for his body on hers, quickly unfurling.

Shepard bit her lip, a sigh of delight emitting from her throat as she tilted her head back to give him better access. "Now that you mention it, maybe I do need a good, thorough, apology."

Kolyat kissed her and purred in acceptance before he pulled his hand away just enough to scoop his hands beneath her knees and back. Lifting her in his arms, he paused momentarily, watching her expression with sensual promise. "Do you want me to grovel? Get on my knees and beg for you? Anything you want from me."

"Those are very dangerous promises."

"Would you rather I make you beg for me instead?"

Shepard bit her lip and wrapped her hands around his neck lightly, a grin tugged the side of her mouth brazenly. "I think I like the thought of you begging for me."

"Do you? How about me making love to you instead?"

All the humor fell from his expression, his serious stare touching the very fabric of her foundation, gripping it and pulling her down into his abyss. She was lost, completely lost in this man now. Licking her dry lips, she met his gaze unwaveringly. "Yes… I would like that, too."

* * *

Thane moved through the unknown space slowly, studying every inch, analyzing every surface. Nothing came to mind. An endless void of thoughts, stuck on a plane of unfamiliar existence. Where was he? How did he get there? More importantly… who was he? Roaming around the room, he brushed his hand upon every available surface, trying his best to calm his anxiety, hoping the feel of something might jog a memory, a place, a name, anything.

Nothing.

He stared at the single bed, various medical devices and machines on both sides of the sleeping area. The crisp, white, linen sheets and clean, white room screamed hospital or some kind of medical facility. Had something happened to him? Had he been hurt? Was it an accident? Was it his health? Taking a deep breath, he felt a tightness in his chest, a heavy grogginess as his controlled exhale made him more aware of the aches and pains of his muscles, as if they hadn't been used for a long period of time.

 _How long have I been here for? Wherever here is?_

Noticing an open door leading into a smaller room, he made his way towards the opposite side of the small medical room. The light illuminated once he crossed over the threshold. Glancing inside, he took note of the shower, toilet, small vanity, and mirror over the sink. Moving in front of the glass hesitantly, he stared at his reflection in trepidation; olive green scales, red frills, black patches and stripes. Touching the glass, he ran his fingers over the cool, smooth surface, watching his reflection in the mirror as he studied his face.

Nothing...

Frowning, Thane took in a deep, controlled breath, glancing down while he brought his hands up to flex his fingers, testing the strength in his fists. Everything felt correct, at least he thought it did. He didn't feel like a prisoner, or at least as if his life was in danger for the moment... but why did he feel as if that was even an option?

Glancing around, he made his way back into the main room, eyes zeroing in on the tiny security camera, mounted by the ceilings juncture, just as his knees buckled in weakness. Falling to his hands and knees he tried to right himself, managing to crawl towards the bed to pull himself onto it, lungs burning from the exertion.

After a long moment of waiting, trying to get his breathing back under control and assess the pains in his body, he gave himself a moment of reprieve, taking several long moments before he attempted to get back on his feet. Carefully, he took one step and then another, testing his foothold, until he felt confident enough to make it to the main door.

 _What happened to me?_

Watching the sensor, he tilted his head to try and hear any movement or speaking past the barricade before he took a deep breath and stepped into the scanner. Red turned to green and the door opened silently, revealing a long hallway and another door directly across from him. Thane peeked his head out and looked both ways before he stepped out into the corridor wearily, eyes automatically falling to the security cameras above him once again. Fighting an unknown urge to press his back against the wall, Thane forced himself forward.

Tentatively, he took each step with care, being mindful of the weakness in his legs. Once he reached the end of the hall, Thane sensed movement from beyond the turn, quiet, shuffling steps approaching fast. Immediately, Thane pulled himself against the wall, body tensing in warning, stomach tightening in alarm. The automatic response to flee surprised him, and a wave of coughing erupted from his mouth as his chest seized in pain, causing him to stumble. A man came around the corner and spotted him just as he tried to turn and hide, Thane's hand catching the wall to steady himself while it took him several attempts to suck in gulps of air, as if learning to breathe again.

"Mr. Nuara," the voice called toward him in alarm. "Are you still not well?" Thane sensed the man behind him now, hands hovering as if ready to catch his fall. "Maybe you should go lay back down."

 _Nuara?_

"You know me?" Thane asked, another cough erupting.

"Of course Sir. I'm going to notify Ms.-"

"No," Thane spoke up quickly, not wanting anyone else to come right now. Not until he processed the information he just received. "I do not want you to call anyone."

The man backed up, concern slipping into professionalism as he nodded curtly and righted himself, standing up stiffly. "Of course, Sir. Do you need anything, then?"

Thane glanced at the man wearily, eyeing him skeptically before shaking his head in denial. As Thane righted himself, catching his breath again, the man stood up taller, a soldier's pose, waiting for orders. Thane studied his uniform, the white and black clash with burnt orange trim, a black symbol with two, arms outlined on each side, etched onto the breast of his shirt. Was he military? Was this a medical base or institute? By the way this man waited for Thane to speak, it seemed as if he awaited his orders.

"I thank you, but I am well enough. No need for your assistance." Thane spoke carefully, still trying to figure out if he gave the correct response. The man immediately nodded and saluted him before relaxing and continuing on the same path as before, leaving him alone.

 _He called me Nuara, said he knew me..._

Mulling over the info, Thane continued walking, glancing into open doors and hallways, noticing several rooms of medical equipment with no idea with what they were used for. Reaching the end of the hall, he came to a platform overlooking a lower floor, seeing medical staff dressed in uniforms all looking at monitors and consoles working diligently, all the same species as the man before.

Two more men came through the door at the other end of the platform and approached him slowly. Thane tilted his chin down, attention on the men who came towards him, every nerve ending on alert. They both stopped walking and fell silent, saluting him as they stopped several feet away. He nodded in acknowledgment, watching them warily as they both eased and continued on their path.

Apparently, wherever he was, he was known. Perhaps a ranking officer or some kind of higher up in this... facility, institute, base? He still had no idea. Nothing yet seemed familiar.

Continuing on, he turned into the open archway, stepping into the path of another person, this time female, same reaction as he passed her by. Reaching an intersection, the symbol he saw before, the same one etched onto the breast of his own loose fitting, white, linen outfit, stood large and carved into the wall. A monumental size, a symbol holding meaning to the people here, but what? Staring at the marks, he reached out to trace the line of the bottom curve, something familiar, just beyond recollection.

As quickly as before, a sharp pain lanced through his chest, stealing his breath, coughs erupting while a new pain burst behind his eyes. The pain felt sharp, a lightning bolt splitting his head as his knees buckled again from the strain. Catching himself against the wall again, Thane held himself steady while his other hand covered his eyes, images quickly pushing through his thoughts. The symbol came fast, a man handing him a rifle, a datapad with information, staring up toward the ceiling, a woman with black hair staring down at him.

"Nero, shit man, you okay? Why are you even up?"

Thane felt hands encircle him, helping him to stand. Glancing up as his vision cleared, he studied the new presence. Another man, the same species as the rest, spiky, platinum hair, black roots, almond shaped eyes, irises almost black, and three small, gold earrings in one of his ears.

He knew this man. Somehow, Thane knew him.

"Ko- Koji?" Thane stammered, another pain flashing behind his eyes, forcing him to tense and grunt in pain. The man held him tighter, in familiar comfort almost, helping to steady him. A wide grin spread across Koji's lips while he pulled Thane back up to his feet. The pain slowly diminished.

"I got you, Nero," Koji murmured, waiting until Thane was able to stand on his own, feeling as if the room spun around him.

Thane closed his eyes and pulled in deep, steady breaths, grasping onto some kind of equilibrium. "Koji, tell me, what happened? Where am I?"

After a long moment of silence, Thane finally opened his eyes to see if Koji heard him. A dark, confused look taking the place of the friendly warmth an instant earlier.

"You... you don't know where you are?" Thane shook his head at the question, trying to pull on something else familiar. He needed to trust someone, and this man had been the first one not to salute him and even called him by his first name, apparently.

 _Is Nero my name? Nero Nuara?_

"Shit... that blast must have done a number on you." Koji sucked his teeth.

"Blast? Was I in an accident?"

"No... Well, sort of," Koji replied in confusion, eyeing him carefully, dark eyes running over him as if trying to take all of him in. "We were running from a timed explosion. We barely escaped. The blast went off just as we made it to extraction, but you were injured... you, don't remember?"

Thane stared at the ground, absorbing what he heard. An explosion, extraction, was he a soldier, too? "What injury did I sustain?"

Koji turned his head and stopped talking, Thane heard barely audible footsteps approaching, and he, too, stood up straight, hooking his hands behind his back, a natural pose making him feel more relaxed. The man that appeared approached and saluted them both before continuing on. Whoever Thane was, he definitely seemed like someone of importance, as did the man beside him.

Once the man stepped out of earshot Koji turned his gaze back on Thane. "A beam to your head. The blast pushed a lot of debris our way. I got scratched up pretty badly, too. Took metal shards to my side, but I still kept your ass floating above water. You're not allowed to die on me, I hope you realize that." Koji grinned and smacked his shoulder, the movement once again familiar.

 _'You're not allowed to die on me.'_

He'd heard those words before... Turning his head he glanced at his shoulder from the touch, Thane's eyes falling to the floor while he rolled the information over in his head. He'd obtained a head injury, no wonder he felt so confused. His body sore and weak.

"How long was I out for?" Thane asked, meeting the blond man's eyes, searching for truth, trying to find his place.

"Six weeks. Why? Feel like shit?" Koji grinned, chuckling joyously, flashing perfect, white teeth. "I bet you do. You were messed up pretty bad. Do you know how heavy you are by the way? Please don't ever make me carry you again."

Thane paused and swallowed roughly, this man had saved him. Koji was the reason he still drew breath. Perhaps they were friends? Partners? Colleagues?

"Thank you," Thane said honestly, emotion flooding his voice. "I'm alive because of you. My thanks."

The smile fell from Koji's mouth, a seriousness entered his features laced with surprise. Koji nodded somberly before licking his lips and glanced away, crossing his arms over his chest. "Yeah, no worries. What are partners for? You saved my ass on more than one occasion, just returning the favor."

 _Ah, so we are partners._

Thane bowed respectfully, the motion natural to him. "Then, perhaps I finally decided to collect on my payment."

Koji burst into laughter and rested his hands on his hips, mirth entering back into his features. "I guess so." A moment of pause and Koji glanced through the hallway before meeting his gaze. "Come on we should get going. I want to have you checked out now that you're finally up. Does your head hurt, what about you're breathing?"

"I'm having sharp pains behind my eyes, flashes of things but... nothing substantial and..." Thane lifted a hand to his chest, a dull ache emanating as he pulled in a deep, even breath. "There is a soreness in my chest but no shortness of breath."

"Good. That's good. Well, not your confusion, that just sucks." Tapping his shoulder Koji grinned, eyes sparkling mischievously. "Well look on the bright side, you knew who I was and you didn't lose normal function, like speaking. Hell, even holding your dick when you take a piss, I bet. You did remember to wash your hands though, right?" Koji pulled his hand away, narrowing his eyes at him.

Thane blinked at him slowly, a slight pull of his lips at Koji's easy going attitude as he tried to console him. "You're right. I remembered you, it's a start and makes me hopeful that whatever I am experiencing is temporary."

Nodding vigorously, Koji's smile fell again, lips thinning out as something flashed over his eyes. He let out a heavy sigh before he placed both hands on his hips and stared at the floor. Thane sensed his apprehension. "Well, I guess you should come with me, then. She's going to want to know you're awake. I just wonder how's she's going to react to your confusion."

"She?"

Koji snapped his gaze back up to Thane's, a frown blanketing his lips just as he shook his head in disappointment. "Yeah, she's going to be really upset if you don't remember her." Thane blinked again in confusion as Koji let out another sigh and motioned for Thane to follow behind him.

"Who?" Thane pressed again, trying to figure out who Koji spoke of.

With one last glance, Koji grinned and tilted his head in hidden laughter. "Mitchiko… your wife."


	25. Chapter 25

AN: Taking a moment to thank my new beta reader MosaicCreme. Thank you for your patience and help with my hectic work schedule, and helping me toward becoming a better writer. If anyone is interested, you can find her writings on Fanfiction .net and Archive of our Own.

Chapter 25

"Do you have a _kadan_?" Shepard asked, breaking the long, comfortable silence. Tracing a stripe over Kolyat's collar bone, she followed the trail over his pectoral, fingertips skimming the tight-knit, feather-soft scales, until they moved down his chest to his stomach and languidly back again. She loved how his warm skin felt beneath her palm, loved the way his body fit perfectly against hers. She admired his markings, the sporadic black speckles and blended hues. She stared at the color, the soft light of the Presidium sunrise casting rays of luminescence, making tiny patches shimmer.

A pleased hum vibrated from Kolyat's throat, his hand circling her waist a little tighter, pulling her closer against himself. Her leg fell over his easily, sliding between his knees while she shifted herself partially over him. Placing her ear on his chest, Shepard enjoyed the sounds of his heartbeat and the unhindered pull of his lungs. He caressed her back, fingertips grazing up and down, a feather weight against her skin. Sighing in content she felt truly at peace in this moment. Kolyat felt so amazing against her, his toned muscles and inner strength, the tranquility in his arms, allowed her a moment of reprieve.

Kolyat remained silent for several heartbeats, his gaze fixed upon the ceiling, far away, as if lost in thought. At first Shepard wasn't sure if he heard her question, until he took a deep breath and purred in confirmation, nodding slowly. His hand came up again, fingers gliding over her shoulder, this time dipping to the back of her neck into the now wild mass of hair, left chaotic from their previous love making.

"Will you tell me his name?" She urged, raising her head to stare down at him, hands sliding over his broad chest to steady herself.

Licking his lips, Kolyat smiled, sadness filled his eyes before he nodded again in acceptance. "His name is Torin."

"Torin?" Shepard echoed, testing the name on her lips, trying to remember if Thane or Kolyat ever mentioned him before. "Is he part of Irikah's family, or a family friend?"

"Torin Krios," Kolyat murmured, his gaze falling on hers just as her body went rigid in surprise.

Shepard hesitated before responding, unprepared for his answer, and by the look on Kolyat's face, he had expected her exact reaction. "I … I didn't know Thane had a sibling,"she admitted. Despite how much Thane had opened up and shared with her, there were still many things they'd never gotten a chance to explore with one another. So much of Thane's life remained unknown to Shepard, and although she regretted the shortness of their time together, she didn't regret how much they had tried to only focus on the present.

"He's six years younger. I think he was born shortly after Father was taken into the Compact. Most likely because those in service to the hanar are not usually allowed to have families, Grandmother had to keep the Krios line going. I'm just surprised she stopped at one more child."

"Why is that surprising?"

Smiling gently, Kolyat shifted his position to look at her better, moving up a little higher on the pillows, his hand fell to the dip of her waist. "We are a very old clan. I was told we trace back to one of the first on Rakhana. I never got a chance to tell you, but I found it ironic that you introduced me to Feron, and now we are friends."

"Why is that ironic?" Shepard asked genuinely perplexed.

Kolyat's expression almost mirrored hers while he searched her gaze for understanding. "Because he's a Ferai," he stated plainly, as if that simple line held all the answers.

"And? Does that mean something? I'm not familiar with drell social standings."

Chuckling softly, Kolyat smiled. "You really don't know who he is?"

"Whoever he is, he's just Feron to me, or Skittles. Whichever I'm in the mood for." Shepard shrugged indifferently, although, she had to admit, Kolyat got her at little interested since he brought up the subject. "I still don't understand why it's ironic."

Blinking both sets of eyelids, Kolyat paused before answering, as if his next words held weight. "The Krios clan is one of the seven households that still remain with close ties to the Rakhanian royal family, Taran's clan is also one, the Amani's. There are also the Sions, Lyalins, Kais, Meroylts and Fah'lans. In case you wanted a drell history lesson." Kolyat grinned through his last sentence.

"The Rakhanian royal family? You mean, Feron?" Shepard's brows shot up. "Feron's part of the drell royal family? What? How?" She shook her head, thrown for a loop while she tried to process this information. "That sly jerk. He never told me. I mean, not that it really mattered to me, but it was information that could have probably… oh, shit." Shepard paused in mid thought, understanding now why the Shadow Broker probably didn't kill him, wondering if the Broker would've used Feron for leverage against the drell eventually. Looking back, it made more sense now, why Thane was quick to ask to accompany her to save Feron as soon as she mentioned his name.

"What is it?" Kolyat asked, pulling her attention back to him.

"I was just wondering if that was one of the reasons the Shadow Broker didn't kill him."

"It could've been, but I didn't even know the Ferais had another son, from my knowledge they only had two, Feiyolt and Feyon. Feron also told me he lost his claim to the throne. Joining the Compact usually severs the connection, unless special circumstances occur."

Shepard waited as Kolyat's gaze drifted back to the ceiling, his hand moving up over her back to dip into her hair, fingers carefully twirling the tendrils in hand before she asked, "Like what?"

"Well, the hanar releasing you from service would be one, another would be …" Kolyat hummed as hidden thoughts filled his expression, realization brightening his eyes in surprise. "You know, I think Feron does have rights to the throne. His brother's passed away, only his sister remains. He is no longer part of the Compact. It's more plausible that he just doesn't want to take the opportunity to petition for his claim, or the responsibility.

Shepard paused, reflecting on what Kolyat revealed to her. She didn't know Feron had siblings, nor that they passed away. She wondered if he was close with them, or if he didn't keep any contact with them at all. "Feron really doesn't like being in the spotlight. He prefers to work in the background, unbothered. He hates unwanted attention, although, he's really good at schmoozing people."

Kolyat smiled, glancing back at her. "Yeah, I've experienced that."

Taking a moment, Shepard let the silence stretch between them, continuing to trace sporadic patterns over his chest before she reached for his hand. Guiding his arm, she turned his palm up to bring his wrist towards her mouth. Kissing the sensitive area, she grinned as Kolyat's breath hitched, his reaction tightened her stomach with pleasure. She enjoyed the way his body always responded to her, every sigh or purr still overwhelmed her senses. Shepard moved his hand across her cheek to run her lips against his palm before speaking again. "Will you tell me more about Torin?"

The sadness entered his eyes again, and it left Shepard wondering what might have happened with Torin, hoping it was nothing too bad. "He … he was the one who named me." Kolyat's voice dropped into somber remembrance.

"That's common, right? You joked about wanting to name Taran and Mira's baby if you became the _kadan_." Shepard tried to lighten the conversation.

Kolyat snorted, a slow grin forming over his pouty lips, his irises brightened considerably. "I want to name it, _Kata._ "

"That doesn't sound so bad," she replied thoughtfully.

A joyous laugh erupted from Kolyat's chest, a contagious sound of delight, pulling a smile from her as she stared at him in curiosity. "It means 'little nut', the ones you have to watch out for or choke." Kolyat emphasized the last word, chuckling again, grinning broadly.

Shepard tapped his chest playfully in warning. "That's not nice. They're your best friends. You would do that to them?"

"Maybe." He grinned wickedly, eyes sparkling in mirth. "I doubt they'll make me the _kadan_ , anyway. Taran has a brother, and Mira has two. There wouldn't be a need while they have family to turn to," Kolyat added softly, expression easing while he paused to adjust their positions again.

Bringing her hands up, Shepard laid them flat over Kolyat's shoulder and chest, lacing her fingers and resting her chin on them to more comfortably look at him. "Did Torin take care of you? Thane only told me that he placed you in the care of aunts and uncles, but I thought it was Irikah's family." She pressed a little further. It wasn't that she was trying to upset Kolyat, she saw his apprehension, Shepard just wanted to know more about his childhood and about the person who named him. Anything to uncover another inch left unexplored. She wanted to know everything about Kolyat. His hopes and dreams, his past struggles and life. She wanted to ease his pain, as much as he tried to ease hers.

"I did stay with my mother's family for a time, but…."

"But?"

Kolyat took a heavy breath and looked at her in trepidation. "Are you sure you want to talk about this right now?"

"You don't appreciate my choice of pillow talk?" Shepard quirked an eyebrow in challenge as he tilted his head in curiosity.

"Pillow talk?"

"It's supposed to be relaxed, intimate talk between lovers after sex. It usually involves extra cuddling or kissing, sometimes even leading to more love making."

Kolyat chuckled again, his hands sliding back around her, tightening snugly as he pulled her against the hardness of his chest, her breasts the only cushion between them. He brought one of his legs up to cradle her entirely over him. Dipping his head, Kolyat brought his lips to the juncture of her throat. "If you want me to make love to you again, you don't even have to ask."

Shepard bit her lip and hummed in pleasure, tilting her head back to give Kolyat enough room to place the flat of his tongue against her pulse point. Nuzzling his lips against her, he trailed the tip of his tongue over her throat, moving up and following the curve of her jaw until he reached her earlobe, his teeth clamping down gently. The sensation made her shiver as the rumble of a seductive purr vibrated from his throat. Kolyat's hands slipped down her back, brushing the dip of her spine before they rested on her ass, grabbing it firmly, guiding one of her legs up to straddle him further, her heated core brushing against his hardening length.

"Not that I don't appreciate your form of distraction, but I would still like to know what happened," Shepard murmured in determination, and Kolyat slackened his hold, sighing in defeat. She adjusted herself back against his side when he released her, hands once again resting over his chest."So..." She started again, "When did Torin take you? If he's your _kadan,_ it would've been his responsibility to raise you, right?"

"Yeah… at first I stayed with my mother's family, my aunt and uncle, but they didn't know what to do with me. I think part of it was because they were upset my father just left me and disappeared. No one understood why he couldn't take me or reach out to me afterwards." Kolyat leaned his head against the pillow, gaze drifting back to the ceiling, as if trying to find his words. "I didn't understand either. I actually thought he blamed me, and that's why he left."

"Kol-"

He made a sound to quiet her, the hand holding her hip started kneading her skin in comfort. "I was a child, and I was alone. Remember, I also blamed myself for not saving my mother at that time."

"I know, but didn't Irikah's family try to help you?"

"I don't think they knew how. I barely knew them to begin with, and they had children of their own. They didn't know what to say, or how to act around me. They tiptoed over everything they did. My cousins avoided me, and for the most part, I was left alone."

"Are you shitting me? They didn't do anything to try and help you? You were a victim of trauma for fuck's sake!" Shepard raised her voice, feeling the rage boil inside her. He was a child who watched his mother die, and his family treated him as if he was a piece of glass to be kept at a distance. No wonder Kolyat ended up with so many issues to work through.

"Kira … it means a lot to me that this upsets you, but it's in the past. I appreciate your care."

 _That's because I'm in love with you._

She opened her mouth to say the words but the sentence got stuck behind a boulder of pragmatism. ' _Everyone you love will either leave you, or die.'_

"Eventually, my grandmother intervened," Kolyat continued. "She didn't want to in the beginning because she wanted to adhere to my father's wishes. She came to visit me often, and every visit, I could see the upset in her eyes as she left. One day, Torin just showed up. I opened my bedroom door, and he was standing in the living room…"

Kolyat's eyes shifted to something far away, pupils expanding while the tone of his voice changed to the low, melancholy sounds of remembrance. " _His eyes focus on me, standing up taller before he walks towards me, each step slow and deliberate, filled with certainty. I glance between my aunt's, anger engorges their frills, disgust on their faces. I stare in confusion. 'You have no right to speak to us in such a way. Leave now!' Aunt Neela clenches her fists, waving her hand at Torin rudely. He ignores her and continues towards me. I take a step back in apprehension. He kneels and places a hand on my shoulder, a light weight upon my skin, comforting yet firm._

" _He purrs to relax me, eyes soften while he smiles. 'I apologize I could not come sooner, I did not mean to fail you as your kadan. Gather your things, we are leaving.' I look back at Neela who growls in anger. 'He has been nothing but ungrateful. I doubt you will have better luck than we have.' Anger blankets Torin's eyes, green emeralds slipping back into onyx darkness. 'Speaking about him as if he is not even here already indicates half of what my mother told me to be true.' Rising to his feet, Torin turns towards them calmly, hands slipping behind his back, a mannerism father did often. 'I advise you not to open your mouth again until I leave. I assure you, you would not like further action from my clan upon you. Be grateful that I have only come here for Kolyat.'"_

"I can't believe your aunt said that," Shepard sighed, chest squeezing in aggravation. "Torin had every right to be angry. He kind of reminds me of Thane, though. I'm sure your aunts got nervous after he said that."

Kolyat blinked rapidly as he came out of the memory, nodding curtly before regret flooded his features. "Aunt Neela was right."

"What do you mean?"

Averting his gaze, Kolyat took a deep breath, she could tell he was having difficulty speaking about this particular moment in his past. Profound moments that had shaped his life. "I acted every part the bastard. I refused to go out. I refused to go to school or make friends. When I was forced to, I was so angry at the world, at my circumstance. I hated the world and everyone in it. Including Torin … for trying as hard as he did to try and help me. I hated myself for being the way I was."

"Torin treated you better though, didn't he?" Shepard asked to give Kolyat a moment of reprieve. His spiraling self-hate still remaining until recently.

Nodding slowly, a haunted smile fell across his lips. "He was patient … and kind … he did his best never to get too upset with me. Although I tested him. Gods know, I tested him." Licking his lips, Kolyat sighed again before continuing, "I was always getting into trouble. Never payed attention in school, my grades dropped considerably. I always got into fights and started following the wrong kind of people. Gang activity, petty theft that eventually led to harsher things. I spent more time in a counselor's office than a classroom, and Torin… he never said anything as people berated him for my actions. Just stood there calmly, sometimes even sticking up for me as he tried to question the cause of my activities,asking if I was being treated unfairly, even though I was in the wrong. He was good at tripping people up as they spoke, good at detecting lies and turning people around."

"Torin sounds … really amazing, actually. He really cared about you. So why were you so desperate to leave Kahje, then?"

Kolyat turned a little against her, his free hand rising to cup her cheek, fingertips caressing her ear, thumb running back and forth over her face gently before he answered. "Right before I left, when I found out who Father was … I also found out why it took Torin so long to come for me."

Shepard turned her face and snuggled into his touch, trying to give him silent support for everything he was revealing to her.

"He had sacrificed his whole life to take care of me. He was living on the Citadel, employed as an ambassador for the hanar of Khaje. He was engaged to a female who the hanar we're trying to form a bond with to the royal family. He left her, and his high paying job … for me … and I was nothing but an ungrateful bother. I caused him nothing but pain."

"Kolyat … I doubt he would have left if he really didn't want to," Shepard said gently, reaching a hand out to touch his cheek, caressing his frills lovingly.

Kolyat sighed into her touch and looked away, his fingers running through her hair gently, a contrast to the harshness in his eyes. "I didn't want to burden him anymore. Torin was only nineteen when he took over the responsibility of caring for me, and I was so thankless. He finally started seeing someone, too. The year that I left, I … I almost got arrested, and it caused a lot of stress on his relationship. I fucked up, and I thought it would be better if I just left in the end … for everyone."

"I doubt he saw it like that."

Frowning, Kolyat nodded almost reluctantly, watching silently as her hair slipped through his fingertips, playing with her long tresses. "I've had some time to think about it. My views changed the longer I was away … you are probably right. I just couldn't see it at the time."

"Probably? I'm always right." Shepard grinned wickedly, getting the response from Kolyat she was hoping for to help ease him.

With a sad chuckle and a slow smile, Kolyat buried his hand back into her hair, cupping his long slim fingers around the back of her head. He stared up at her while her fingertip brushed over the curve of his bottom lip.

"Did you ever get a chance to tell him that?"

Kolyat shook his head, disappointment and pain slowly creeped back upon his features. "No," he admitted sadly. "I haven't seen or spoken to my family since I left Kahje. I don't even think they know I'm alive. Grandmother and Torin are probably so angry with me … or heartbroken."

"Would you want to? Go back I mean. To see them again?" She asked gently, knowing how hard it was for her family when she was away on missions, the shock when she appeared again after they thought she was two years dead. Kolyat's family was still waiting for him, she knew it in her heart to be true.

"I... I wouldn't even know what to say. Where to begin."

Shepard smiled softly and traced her thumb over his lips again. Leaning down she kissed him chastely, a soft caress of her lips over his. Kolyat's hands wrapped around her shoulders, cradling her against him, easily adapting to any movement she made. Another soft kiss, and she pulled back, resting her forehead against his while she breathed in his heady scent. Leaning back she looked into his eyes, willing to do anything to help him feel at peace again, too. Anything to see him smile.

"Think about it, take your time. Sometimes all it takes is a simple 'I'm sorry'. If you're willing, I'll be right there, if you need me."

Kolyat pushed her back gently, urging her up so he could meet her stare. His hands came up to cup her face in his palms, looking deeply into her eyes, as if searching for the truth of her words. He stared at her with weighted meaning, his gaze shifting over hers like he was trying to find his future in her stare and eventually nodded when she thought he found what he was looking for. "When I am ready … I want you to be there."

* * *

Kolyat couldn't wipe the grin off his face. The stupid, giddy, joyous, ridiculously childish, grin off his face. Reaching for the knife, he began slicing the vegetables, thin, precise strokes, tiny chunks to sauté into the eggs Shepard had asked him to make for her. Once the vegetables were sliced and added into the egg mixture, he went to the pantry and grabbed a loaf of bread along with some other articles she explained how to prepare, before she disappeared into the bathroom.

Setting the coffee machine, Kolyat turned towards her cabinets searching for jams or any kind of fruit to accompany the bread he sliced. Once he found a jar of marmalade, and checked what it was on his omnitool, Kolyat placed it on the table and went back to his cooking. Kolyat smiled again as he thought about how natural this felt, being with her, cooking her breakfast, while she got ready to start the day, despite the fact that they awoke way before the scheduled sunrise. He ended up using one of his father's pajama pants she still kept, not entirely prepared to spend the night at first. Maybe he should ask to keep some clothes here, just in case?

Frills heating, Kolyat felt shy about bringing up the subject. Perhaps she'd think he was moving too fast. He just recently told her that he loved her, after all. He thought back on what happened a few hours earlier, about what Shepard admitted to him. Kolyat was confident in her feelings, comfortable with waiting for as long as it took for her to return the words of emotion. He wouldn't push her, and he appreciated her support in him, especially when he decided to open up about Torin. That was the first time he ever spoke about his family to another, and her willingness to be with him if – when, he decided to speak to them again, sent his love for her soaring to new heights.

She truly was a guardian angel among mortals.

Finishing the meats and preparing the table, Kolyat turned toward the stove and started cooking the eggs, careful not to burn them just as instructed. Kolyat's omnitool beeped with an incoming call just as he finished. Glancing at the name, he grinned playfully. Turning off the stove, he turned and leaned his back against the counter, opened the channel and accepted the call, Feron appearing on screen.

"I'm starting to think you forgot about me. I only had three messages from you, not nearly enough." Feron smiled wickedly, leaning back in his chair lazily, resting his hands on his stomach. "You just woke up?" He continued, eyeing Kolyat's bare chest.

"No, I've been up for a few hours. I thought the priests only allowed you one call a week?"

"Ah, I could have called you earlier, then. I thought you might still be sleeping, it's only…" Feron glanced at something off screen and then looked back at him. "0800 there."

"If you thought I was still sleeping, why'd you waste your call on me?"

Feron grinned and leaned back in his chair. "To be an asshole, and besides … I know you miss me."

"I wouldn't have picked up, and no, I don't," Kolyat stated, trilling in jest, turning to the side when the coffee machine beeped to signal its completion. Keeping his arm steady, he reached for a mug with his other hand and placed the cup next to the machine, Kolyat's attention averting while he poured the dark liquid. "How's your meditation going?"

"It's long stretches of silence while I battle sleep," Feron responded dismissively, voice dropping into suspicion as Kolyat looked back at him, hearing the curiosity in Feron's voice. "Where are you?" His inner eyelids blinked several times in rapid succession just as he leaned forward toward the screen. His gaze studying Kolyat's background.

"What about your prayer's?" Kolyat asked, pretending not to hear him.

"That's not your apartment," Feron stated.

"Are the priests helping?"

"Seriously?"

"How's the weather?" Kolyat tried to deflect once again.

"It's Kahje, are you kidding me right now?"

Kolyat turned and placed his back against the counter, once more, trying to figure out exactly what to tell Feron. It wasn't as if Shepard and he were going to keep their relationship a secret, but he didn't want to assume that blurting it out would be okay, he knew how private Shepard could be. However, this was Feron; loud, sometimes annoying, vocal, Feron, and he had voiced his assumptions about Sarah and Kolyat getting together. He did feel guilty about keeping what was happening from him, but Kolyat did it because he didn't want the colorful drell to have any unnecessary distraction while he mentally healed. Kolyat also didn't want him to get smug about the whole thing.

"Kolyat … please tell me you're not in a hotel right now…" Feron said seriously, trepidation filling his features.

Sucking his teeth, Kolyat glanced hastily toward the hallway and back before lowering his voice. "You know I don't do that shit anymore, and I would appreciate it if you don't think that of me ever again."

Feron's face remained solemn as he leaned back in his chair again, the light brown sleeves of his robe falling over his hands just as his fingers linked over his stomach. Kolyat licked his lips, fighting the urge to smile. The outfit he wore looked similar to the coverings of Obi Wan Kenobi. Making a mental note, Kolyat decided he would show the movie to Feron if he decided to come back to the Citadel.

"So then, do you mind telling me where you are?"

"I … I'm…." Kolyat let out a loud breath, feeling the other man's heavy stare burn into him.

"Oh, sweet, baby Jesus. I smell fresh coffee." Shepard's voice rang from the hallway, bringing Kolyat's attention to her, just as she stepped from around the corner. Automatically, their eyes met, and a slow, gentle smile tugged at his lips. Towel drying her hair, Shepard walked towards him on bare feet, wearing a baggy, black T-shirt with the words 'Girls just wanna have Guns' written on the front, and a pair of blue jean shorts. "Work?" she asked, just as she approached the counter, eyeing his open omnitool. "Do you need a minute?"

Kolyat shook his head and glanced at Feron on the screen, who had both eye ridges up in surprise. Turning his gaze back on Shepard, he motioned for her to come closer, handing her the mug of coffee he poured. "It's Feron."

He waited for her to make the decision of making their relationship known, and without hesitation she smiled wider and leaned into the screen to stare at the colorful drell before her, a sly grin falling over Feron's mouth, irises brightening in legitimate happiness.

"Hey, Skittles!" Shepard greeted, placing her towel on the counter behind Kolyat, moving against his side.

Kolyat slipped his free hand around her waist naturally, adjusting them so both could see the screen comfortably. The smell of her lavender body wash and shampoo filled his nostrils, the delightful aroma, making him fight the urge to bury his nose in her hair.

"Hey yourself," Feron replied. "This is an interesting turn of events and about damn time, if I'm being honest. You two finally done being idiots?"

"So, you're going to start with the name calling, Prince Skittles?" Shepard grinned coyly, taking a sip of her coffee, her lips lingering on the cup as if trying to hide the smile that was forming.

The smile fell from Feron's lips, a seriousness flashing over his features as he glanced around before his gaze settled on Kolyat. "I see you've been talking about me."

"You might have come up in a conversation or two." Kolyat trilled apologetically.

Feron chuckled and shook his head, heaving a heavy sigh before he relaxed again. "Please tell me Shep accidentally screamed my name during sex. That would've been amazing and entertaining, to say the least."

"Ohhh, you wish." Shepard chuckled.

"That will _**never**_ happen, trust me," Kolyat replied at the same time.

Feron chuckled again in enjoyment. "I'm happy for you both, truly. I hope you find peace in one another. You both deserve it."

Kolyat smiled and purred in thanks just as Shepard softly voiced hers. Turning slightly, he kissed the top of Shepard's head, truly feeling content with their relationship and the support they were receiving.

Humming into her cup while she took another sip, she turned her face up towards him. "Do you mind putting him on the screen in the living room? Unless…" Shepard paused eyeing Feron again. "This was supposed to be a private call?"

"Not at all. I just wanted to check on Kolyat. I'm glad you're there too," Feron responded, waiting as Kolyat pulled his hand from around Shepard and made the request on his omnitool.

Walking over to the other room, Kolyat told Shepard to go on ahead just as he heard Feron ask about the new furniture in her apartment, while he went to the bedroom to grab his tank top and put it on. As he made his way back down the hall he heard both of them laughing about something he didn't catch.

Approaching the couch, Shepard looked up at him in delight, eyes sparkling with glee. He loved that expression on her face, the shift in her scent as he approached her, his smell still on her, no matter the fact that she had just showered. Patting the seat next to her, she waited for him to take his seat before she crossed her legs and settled against his side, both hands grasping her coffee cup, resting it on her lap. "Feron was just telling me about some of the others at congregation falling asleep during their meditations."

"You should see the interesting punishments they come up with here for the training priests," Feron spoke, leaning his cheek on the back of his hand, elbow resting on the arm of his chair. "They made Balin sort three different grains of rice, all mixed together on a giant pallet, into separate barrels – took him four days to finish. The look on his face when they mixed it back up … the priest just told him 'good job not falling asleep this time', as if this wasn't his first offense. I wanted to die laughing. I had to run into the sand garden to hide my face."

"Be honest…" Kolyat grinned. "That story was actually about you."

Feron laughed and nodded. "I have to admit, I might have fallen asleep during prayers once or twice, and the trick is not to get caught. There's … _a lot_ of quiet here. It's … a little unsettling at times. No one raises their voice, everyone is overly pleasant. I haven't been around hanar in a long time … or to Kahje … even other drells, actually." Feron's voice faltered, his stare dropping towards the ground. Kolyat could sense a hidden sadness he wasn't voicing, heard the purr in his throat as he spoke.

"Come on, you know you miss tripping over glyph every few minutes," Shepard spoke up. Kolyat could tell it was an attempt to pull Feron from whatever thoughts threatened to haunt him.

"Glyph?" Kolyat asked in confusion.

Feron snorted and shook his head in distaste. "It's a drone that serves as the Shadow Broker's personal assistant, like a secretary. A specialized data-processing VI, custom built to the Broker's specifications. It would follow everyone in the control room, recognizing them as the Shadow Broker. It was very annoying. Every time I moved it would be right on my ass."

"Feron even gave it a seductive voice and got it to call him master at one point." Shepard grinned.

"Yeah, well … still didn't make it less irritating, the stalking turned me off."

"Not the master talk?" Shepard asked.

"Never the master talk." Feron returned with a roguish grin.

"How are you doing otherwise, though?"

"I'm …" He blinked both sets of eyelids, gaze dropping, expression strained. Rubbing his forehead, he took a deep breath and a moment of silence before answering. "Better … much better. The seclusion has helped, not much here to distract you and … I'm doing much better." His frills vibrated as if he wanted to say something else, but Kolyat knew he was staying silent because Shepard was there. Some things Feron still didn't want her to know, things he only shared with Kolyat in confidence.

"That's good," Kolyat spoke up, releasing an empathetic trill as Feron's eyes moved up to his. "Take your time. Just concentrate on healing."

"Kolyat's right, don't focus on anything else. Think of it as an extremely overdue vacation," Shepard added in.

Feron glanced between Shepard and Kolyat, emotion falling from his face. A moment of quiet understanding shared between them, until Feron smirked again, resting his cheek back upon his knuckles. "You don't have to pretend, I know you miss me."

"Of course. I think about you every second, of every day." Shepard grinned, taking another sip of her coffee.

"Careful, Kolyat might try to punch me in the mouth again if you keep teasing me like that."

"And here I thought the two of you were playing nice. I'm still up for that show if it's ever offered."

Playfulness entered Feron's features, a devilish smile and a plethora of thoughts flashing over his eyes. The smile quickly fell and his gaze turned off screen, serious with a soft purr of acceptance, murmured words barely picked up on their end emanated from the screen.

"I thank you. I please ask for a few more moments of time, if you would permit it," Feron said politely, bowing his head to someone off screen.

Shepard turned to glance at Kolyat, her eyebrows raised from the respect in his tone. "I didn't think he had it in him," she whispered.

"He's speaking to one of the priests," Kolyat answered, hearing her release a thoughtful hum.

Bringing the cup to her lips again she murmured softly into her cup, "I think you should talk like that to me once in awhile, it's kind of hot."

Kolyat chuckled and wrapped his hand beneath her leg to tickle her behind the knee. Letting out a soft yelp, she jerked from the touch, cheeks puffed. Kolyat grabbed her coffee cup just as she brought it from her mouth, struggling not to spit out the liquid. Placing the cup beside him on the table, he winced when Shepard poked him hard in the chest in retaliation.

"Ow," He complained, recoiling back momentarily but laughing at the annoyed look on her face. Taking her outstretched hand, he brought it to his mouth, turning it over to run his lips over her pulse point languidly, already smelling the shift as her displeasure turned to desire.

"Is this my cue to go?" Feron said, bringing both of their attentions back toward the screen. "I mean, unless you want to put on a show for me. It would have to wait until next week, though. One of the priests is staring at me, so I won't be able to fully enjoy." He lowered his voice considerably on the last sentence.

"You have to go?" Shepard asked first, both of them adjusting their positions comfortably next to one another again.

"In a few more moments, yes."

"Before you go, can you let me know if you've been thinking about what I said to you before you left?" Kolyat asked solemnly. He knew there was a chance Feron wouldn't come back anytime soon, or even to the Citadel at all, but he would've liked Feron to think about his future at least.

"You tend to say a lot of things, Kolyat. Like, 'you're amazing, Feron' and 'I can't live without you', just from the top of my recollection."

"Funny, I think my memories are a little different than yours." Kolyat growled in light hearted mirth. "I was talking about C-Sec."

"I know," Feron admitted, his relaxed air changing back into solemn reflection.

"What about C-Sec?" Shepard asked. "Did you ask him to join or something?" She continued, looking at Kolyat as if trying to understand why he would ask Feron that.

"Yeah … as a suggestion. I thought it could be a fresh start for him. Cyber Security could really use his expertise. That's if he decides to come back to the Citadel, of course."

Shepard licked her lips and tightened her jaw, her gaze turning hard as if contemplating what Kolyat had advised. Nodding curtly in rapid succession, her eyes landed back on Feron. Her darkening gaze underlined with solemnity as she voiced her approval. "Actually … that's a really good idea. It would be great to have you here Feron, and you'll be around people who care about you, in case you need us."

Feron nodded and smiled sadly, gaze falling to his lap. "I … thank you…." He hesitated, releasing an appreciative trill, moisture filling his eyes as the sound turned into a melancholy purr. "I have thought about it, and … I think I'm going to do it. My skills won't be wasted, and I could actually do some good. I'll be with people who care and…."

"And?" Kolyat urged gently, not wanting to push him, but curious to know what his thoughts were.

Rubbing his eyes, Feron pushed forth a strained smile, a hopeful purr vibrating from his throat. "This might be my chance to finally start over. Just make sure you introduce me to whoever smelled like rain and sand." He grinned again sadly.

Kolyat snorted and returned his grin, purring back in acceptance. "Heal, and I'll definitely introduce you to them."

* * *

"Koji..." Thane's voice faltered into silence, his gaze dropping while he tried to search his memories for something of the woman in question.

He was married? How long? How did they meet? Was she the same species as him? Did they have any children? Family? Did she work here, or stay here because of him?

A gasp escaped Thane's throat when a burst of agony laced through his temple, his body lurched forward uncontrollably, hand grasping at the wall to help steady himself. Closing his eyes, he took a deep, steady, breath, trying to focus on the image that his thoughts tried to push through. A human woman with vibrant red hair and green eyes tried to force her way to the surface, just behind his eyelids, sending his heart racing with excitement. Was this striking woman his wife? Some kind of memory trying to resurface?

Thane sensed Koji approach him. Lifting his head, he opened his eyes, the corners of his mouth quirking slightly despite the dull echo of an oncoming migraine keeping his eyes narrowed. Koji glanced down at him in concern, his hand hovering right before contact, as if waiting to catch his descent.

"Nero, you ok? Maybe you should go lay down a bit more." Koji's voice was inlaid with subtle anxiety while he watched Thane with discrete pensiveness.

"No, I am well enough. I appreciate your concern," Thane answered after a short pause, pushing himself back to a standing position, not wishing to alarm his partner any further. "I'm just getting flashes of pain and images - memories, I think."

"Anything in particular?" Koji moved closer, tilting his head in interest.

"A woman ... human. She-"

"Black hair? Brown eyes? That's Mitchiko." Koji cut him off, smiling in reassurance.

Thane hesitated and stayed silent, unsure if he should say something now about the image of a woman who was clearly not his wife, adding another layer to his confusion.

Why would he think about this woman instead of the one he was bonded to? Did this woman even mean anything to him? Was she a friend? A past lover? Even someone important?

"Mitchiko ..." Thane spoke his wife's name hoping that maybe saying it out loud would make him feel some kind of connection.

 _Nothing …_

"Koji ..." Thane gurgled the man's name trying to find his voice, his uncertainties tightening his chest in dread. "What if I am unable to fully remember her? What if my missing memories are permanent? I fear-"

"Hey, hey ..." Koji spoke reassuringly, hovering his hand over Thane's shoulder again before swallowing roughly, placing his palm down heavily, if not a little awkwardly, squeezing slightly as if to offer some kind of comfort. Koji leaned down to make Thane look him in the eyes just as his gaze fell to the ground in trepidation. "It's going to be alright. You just woke up, give it some time. Trust me, she's a hard woman to forget."

Thane tried to ease himself and let what Koji said sink into his beliefs, but something tugged at him. Something he couldn't quite place. Koji smiled at him, their eyes meeting as unspoken thoughts showed briefly in the other man's expression before Koji quickly blinked them away. Licking his lips, the blond man stood up and pulled away, turning and motioning Thane to follow behind him again as he lead the way.

"Mitchiko, what kind of person is she? Is she kind? Compassionate?" Thane tried to press, those characteristics somehow ideal to him. Children? What about children? "Do we have…?" Thane let the question die on his tongue, noticing Koji halt his steps, body growing rigid, alerting Thane to his discomfort with the questions.

Thane felt as if he already knew the response before his partner even answered, Koji's eyes widened while he thoughtfully focused on the ground before meeting Thane's gaze once more. Narrowing his eyes, Koji took a step back towards him, face unreadable as Koji's gaze darkened. "Is that what you're expecting? A woman who's compassionate? Kind hearted? Sweet? Are you hoping for a Mary Jane?"

"I do not know who Mary Jane is," Thane answered in stern sobriety and Koji released a loud breath of annoyance, rolling his eyes as Thane continued, "I am trying to obtain another memory, so I am not at a loss when I see her."

Steadying his own expression, Koji took a step back towards Thane, standing up taller, somber eyes shutting down completely. "I won't tell Mitchiko that you're hoping for understanding, or a doe-eyed wife who-"

"I never said-"

"Regardless," Koji cut Thane off from trying to speak over him, crossing his arms over his chest, continuing to move closer. "I would keep your opinions of her to yourself for the time being, and your disappointments, if you get any. Until you get your memories back. You've always served her well, and her anger is not something we can afford."

 _We?_

"Koji-"

"Since you forgot," Koji continued speaking, cutting Thane off again. "I will remind you that she runs this facility. Compassion, kindness, and understanding are not needed for leadership. Only results. At the end of the day, you work for Cerberus; for her. Just make sure you keep your hopes and what you want, to yourself." Koji stopped right in front of him. The hardness in the human's eyes creating layers of complexity as Thane tried to understand and remember Koji a little more.

"Why does it sound like yours have been extinguished, my friend?" Thane replied softly, placing his hand upon Koji's shoulder when he came within distance.

Turning his head, Koji stared at his hand in unfiltered surprise and Thane felt Koji's muscles tense beneath his palm. Was this gesture wrong of him? Had he never done it before? It only felt natural and as if it was the right thing to do.

Swallowing roughly, Koji leaned a little closer, regret entering his features, voice dropping to a whisper. "Because Cerberus will do that to you. You'll learn in time ... or remember it." He looked away, pulling from Thane's hold, and for the briefest of moments, Koji's eyes remained empty of faith, a despair enveloping his soul, making his gaze dead of warmth.

Blinking quickly, the expression disappeared, replaced once more with compassion. A deep, loud sigh escaped his mouth, "Sorry, I have to keep in mind how hard this might be for you. I don't like seeing you like this, so ... what other questions do you have? I'll answer the best I can."

"Where are we?" Thane asked in immediate response, the corners of Koji's lips twitching as if he was trying to hold in laughter.

"A hidden Cerberus base, deep underground on Clobaka, within the Kepler Verge cluster."

Thane blinked in dismay, Koji's answer doing nothing for him.

The human smirked and crossed his arms over his chest, full mirth entered his features while he flashed his teeth. "You asked."

Thane nodded and stood up straight, hands slipping naturally behind his back. "I did."

Koji snorted and shook his head. "Let me rephrase to make it easier. We're home, at least for the moment." He waved his hand dismissively before continuing, "Next question. We have time for a few more."

Thane closed his eyes and forced himself to focus, a thousand questions battling each other for dominance on the tip of his tongue. What were they doing here? What kind of base was it? What was Cerberus? How many people worked here? Who was he exactly? "And my purpose? What is my job here - our job?"

The mirth fell from Koji's expression, his stare hardening while he as if contemplating his answer. "Are you sure you're ready for that answer? I mean, you've always been a calm and collected person, but right now you don't know who you are, and I don't want to cause you to become agitated. I know you get restless and..." Sighing Koji rubbed his eyes before adding, "I'd rather not piss Mitchiko off."

Was it something bad? Was he a soldier? A mercenary? A scientist? Eyeing Koji and his mannerisms he assessed the hardness in his eyes, the fluid way he moved, and the way he carried himself ... Koji was no health care provider, either, and Thane had a feeling that whatever Koji did, he did too.

"You are my friend and partner, you know me, I sense this to be true. I remember you," Thane stated while he mused quietly. It was vague, but he could recollect images of Koji for some reason, more so than anything else, emotions that were strongly associated with his presence. Good or bad, he had trouble deciphering.

Slipping his hands behind him once more, Thane started to approach the subject with a subtle detachment. "Tell me ... my childhood, my past, anything to help me grasp who I am better. If you know any of these things." Thane had a feeling he did.

Koji remained unmoving, a stillness settling around them that unnerved Thane. He showed a cunning ruthlessness as the weight of his stare intensified. "You were born on Earth," Koji started, voice dropping toward distant remembrance. "The Island of Japan. A human couple adopted you. Mother Sakura, father Takeshi. No siblings or other family. Mitchiko and I are also from Japan."

"Is that how we met?"

Koji frowned, his gaze now averted, eyes closing. He sighed once more sadness entering his features. "You don't remember that?"

Thane tried to focus, the man's words sparking regret to flourish like a blossom of failure throughout his soul. It pained him to see the disappointment in Koji's eyes.

"We lived in Koku-shi, in the Shiga-ken Prefecture. We were raised as Shinobi." Taking a step forward Koji lowered his voice, the look in his eyes welling even more confusion to take hold of Thane.

Easing his posture, Thane rested his hands at his side, looking down between them when Koji's fingertips brushed against the top of his hand. The caress felt more intimate than reassuring, and Thane felt heat rush to his frills just as he looked up and met Koji's hooded gaze, his dark, aromatic scent filling Thane's lungs with traces of need, hands flexing with the urge to touch him further.

"You don't remember us?" he whispered, searching Thane's gaze carefully, and Thane swallowed, purring in confusion. Koji spoke again as he leaned a little closer, licking his lips, words soft and intimate, "Remember me, Koishii."

"Nero?" A voice called from down the hall followed by the loud clacking of heels.

Koji's hand immediately fell away from his, eyes falling to Thane's shirt, a quick movement of his fingers to brush something imaginary off Thane's shoulder. "See, I told you we would probably run into her, and I wanted you to look your best." Koji spoke loudly, grinning broadly. The intimate look in his eyes replaced with hidden laughter instead as he brushed the front of Thane's shirt again.

The abrupt movement left Thane even more confused and full of questions as he licked his lips, his drying tongue sticking to the roof of his mouth while he released a long controlled breath to slow his sudden racing heartbeat. Glancing at the intruder, he took a step back from the other man, turning toward the woman who approached like a raging storm, dark eyes burning and full of rising ire.

"What are you doing out of bed, Nero?" the woman asked without warmth, her commanding tone curt and empty, heels clacking loudly, white lab coat and long, straight, black hair fluttering around her body as she moved, lightning skirting the surface of an ocean.

"Mitchiko," Thane said, recognizing her, uncertainty tightening his chest, a feeling of dread pitted in his stomach.

The woman's eyes lit up in delight, a wide smile spreading over her lips, not full of happiness like Thane would have expected, but something malicious. Something not right. Something … was he imagining it?

Mitchiko came to Thane and immediately threw her arms around him. His whole body stiffened beneath her hold in bewilderment as she snuggled herself completely against him. Lifting his hands slowly, he ran them against her sides, her bony frame hard against his palms while he awkwardly tried to hold her. The scent of her skin hit him immediately, an acrid aroma that was inlaid with some kind of sordid taste that coated his tongue and the air around her like a sour fruit.

 _Her scent is not right. How is this woman my wife?_

"I'm glad to see you're finally awake, but you shouldn't be up," Mitchiko said sternly, pulling away but her touch lingered over his chest and down his arms.

"I … wanted to see you," he lied, glancing at Koji briefly, feeling at a loss for words. The other man's eyebrow raised in interest momentarily before glancing away.

"Nero asked about you as soon as I saw him." Koji continued Thane's lie, their eyes meeting again and Thane knew immediately that Koji would not reveal his falsehood. Something was definitely not right.

"Good." Mitchiko smiled, the palm of her hand caressing Thane's frills, and on reflex, he grabbed her wrist to stop her from touching him. Staring at him in confusion, she allowed her hand to drop down between them, eyes blazing in annoyance.

"Forgive me," Thane said gently. "I am still not feeling well. Perhaps you are right and …" His gaze met Koji's again in confusion, needing time to figure everything out. "I should go lay down again. You are, no doubt, busy with your operations."

"Just like I imagine you will be, soon." Mitchiko grinned again. "I want our doctors to take a look at you immediately. If everything checks out, we will have a moment to make up for lost time before you begin." Carnality entered her features while she brushed her fingers over his chest.

Thane felt his stomach tighten in dread, not wanting this woman's scent to wash over him. Shouldn't his mark be on her? Shouldn't he be drawn to her if he was her mate? Sniffing the air, he could smell traces of his venom subtly, but not enough to make him yearn for her. Taking another step away from her, he slipped his hands behind his back and linked them together.

"Begin what?" Thane asked carefully, confused with Mitchiko's train of thought - other than her blatant hints at wanting him sexually.

Looking at him pensively, she frowned and crossed her arms over her chest. "Where you and Koji left off, of course. Your next target has been chosen for you and-"

"Mitchiko, don't you think Nero needs a little more time to…"

Mitchiko snapped her eyes to Koji in anger, the venom in her stare enough to cause the rest of his sentence to fizzle out, gaze trailing away from her while the words died in his throat.

"Nero is fine," she snapped. "I'm sure the doctors will tell me the same thing, as well. He's had weeks of rest, and I'm sure he is just itching to get back in the field." Mitchiko's penetrating stare went back to Thane, eying him warily. "Isn't that right, Nero?"

"You want me to get back to work immediately? Of course, as you say," Thane replied. His voice low and void of any warmth, body still feeling weak and uncertain, but unwilling to argue with this woman. Time away from Mitchiko would help. Her presence confused him further. He felt no attraction towards this human, her scent doing nothing for him. He wanted more time alone with Koji to ask questions and figure out why he responded to this man, more so than his own mate.

Mitchiko smiled in pleasure. "Perfect. A new dossier has already been sent to your omnitool."

"My omnitool?" Thane asked, glancing down at his wrist automatically, a familiarity settling over him, realizing the piece was missing. "And where is my omnitool?

Mitchiko blinked slowly and paused until a slow smile crept back over her lips, lighting up her face with a sense of cunning that made his instincts twitch in warning. Thane felt himself shut down, his gaze focused solely on a hidden threat that manifested in the human before him. Confusion grasped him like vicious claws, while despair made Thane wonder why he felt this way towards his own wife, but he made sure to hide every trace of those thoughts from her in this moment.

Clicking her tongue, Mitchiko tilted her head to the side as if she was preparing to scold a small child. "In our quarters, my love. Come … I'll take you there."


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

"So, you're saying you have no memories?" Mitchiko scoffed, lips pursed in displeasure, eyebrow arched as if she didn't believe a word he said, and challenged him to continue the lie.

"Indeed." Thane confirmed, dipping his head in validation, watching Mitchiko carefully, every detail committed to his memory while he tried to recollect anything he could about her.

 _Not even the sound of her voice is familiar._

"Not entirely," Koji spoke up from his position across the room to the left of him, between Mitchiko and himself. Koji kept his back pressed against the wall, arms over his chest, feet crossed at his ankles, eyes focused on the woman who sucked her teeth and glanced at him coldly.

Slipping his hands behind himself and linking them together, Thane waited patiently, unable to discern the thoughts going through the human woman's mind. Mitchiko leaned back upon the pristine white couch, a boxy and stiff looking make, something more for show and not at all for comfort. Mitchiko seemed to fit perfectly against it, her hips shifting while she adjusted herself.

At least he thought she looked comfortable.

Everything about the woman, in the short time he perceived her, felt wrong and as if her entire persona was shrouded in falsehoods. Thane's instincts flared in warning from her scent and movements, her stiff frame, the way she walked, a tangle of quick jerked gestures. Even her facial expressions left much to be desired.

Did he feel this way before his memory loss?

Crossing one leg over the other, her gaze focused on Thane, eyes trailing up his body with a hint of heat. It made his scales itch. There was so much coldness in her eyes, an unfiltered hate that resonated through her, a cruelness she was unable to hide. The longer he was in her presence, the more he wanted to be away from her, dread and fear tugged his insides into a knot at the implications of a simple truth.

He was probably forced into marrying her.

"Nero knows who we are. He recognized me right away, and you. He has a grasp of his surroundings, just the how he ended up here is missing," Koji continued.

"And his skills?" Mitchiko asked, voice unforgiving and flat.

Koji narrowed his eyes and mirrored her tone. "He just woke up. Did you expect me to greet him in hand to hand combat?"

Her upper lip pulled away from her teeth in a snarl, head snapping toward the other man in unchecked rage.

"If you wish …" Thane cut in, an attempt to pull their focus off one another. "I can go to the training facility now. I am confident Koji can show me whatever you wish for me to know. Perhaps it will help me find myself better."

Being with Koji would also give him another opportunity to ask questions he knew he would never get the answer to with Mitchiko. A part of him also just wanted to be alone with the human man again. His scent was soothing and familiar. More so than anything else he experienced upon waking.

Mitchiko closed her mouth and released a long deliberate sigh, as if trying to calm herself. The coldness in her eyes returning from edges of the fury displayed a moment prior. "Koji …" She stressed his name, wrinkling her nose like she smelled something foul. "… has a point. You just returned to me from a life threatening injury, perhaps we should take this time to try and see what you do remember."

Thane nodded and glanced back at Koji. "I remembered Koji as soon as I saw him. I have several memories of him … and of you," Thane added on, seeing the discomfort in Mitchiko's body language, the warning in Koji's eyes before he blinked it away and stared at the floor.

"Only a few? What kind of memories?" she pressed.

Thane closed his eyes and tried to focus, incoherent images trying to surface though rippled waves. The edges of his vision blurred and blackened while he tried to pull upon pictures in his mind, waiting for a memory to spring to life on his lips, hesitating when a quick flash of Koji came first.

Shaking his head regretfully he looked back up at Mitchiko, unwilling to let her know that all he could pull upon was Koji, raising even more questions of why that was. "I'm sorry, I can't recall anything more in this moment."

Frowning, Mitchiko sucked her teeth. "Perhaps we should have the medical staff run some tests. If you can't remember any of your training, you will become a liability. All of the effort used to nurse you back would have been wasted in the end."

"Am I your husband, or just a resource?" Thane bit out, feeling as if Mitchiko cared more about his skills than his own well-being.

Standing up taller he slipped his hands behind himself again, noticing Koji's jaw twitch, his cheeks tightening while a grin spread slightly across his lips. Keeping his gaze on Mitchiko, Thane watched the anger flash in her eyes before a slow, vicious smile, spread over her mouth.  
"There we go. I was wondering when you would stop being so docile," she purred, leaning back further on the couch with complete ease, eyeing him from head to toe.

"My omnitool," Thane insisted sternly. "You said you wanted me to return back to work as soon as possible."

 _Whatever that is._

"Nero, you really should rest, give yourself some time," Koji said, pushing himself from the wall. "There's no telling what might happen if you can't remember your training while you're on a mission."

"Besides …" Mitchiko continued. "Don't you want to spend some time with me before you have to leave again?"

Thane blinked both sets of eyelids, keeping his silence, an automatic no, resting on the tip of his tongue, threatening to break free. Relaxing his stance, he made sure to keep all hint of emotion from his face. "How long have we been married?"

All humor fell from her expression, an emptiness settling into the darkness of her features. "You can't even remember that?"

"You can't even bother to tell me?" Thane returned coldly.

Mitchiko looked away in disappointment, voice falling away. "A little over a year."

Thane glanced around the small apartment, bare shelves and empty spaces, nothing felt familiar or held any kind of attachment. He was curious by the lack of personal effects, no photos or keepsakes linking him to the space he occupied. No children's toys and only a small hallway leading to two doors in the back made him confident in the prospect of no children between them.

Without thinking, Thane progressed through the living space, his quick movement alerting Mitchiko who snapped her attention towards him, but he paid her no mind. Storming past, he made his way down the hall hearing Koji call his name in confusion as he went. Opening the door on the left, he ignored the bathroom and turned around opening the only other door in the apartment. Walking into the bedroom, he immediately studied his surroundings, once more void of any personal effects. Was he so heartless to not even keep something personal? A wedding photo, a work log ... even a personal memento? Glancing around once more, he tried to see if any of the scarce items called out to him. Not even anything to signal a female living there stood out, either.

What kind of people were they?

"Nero, you okay?" Koji asked, voice laced with worry, just as Thane caught sight of an omnitool on the bedside table, at least recognizing that.

Picking up the small bracelet, he quickly put it on and moved toward the furthest side of the bedroom, his scales itching with discomfort, a heavy oppressive force tightening his chest in regret. "I feel no attachment to this place. Nothing feels familiar."

"Nothing at all?"

Thane shook his head at Koji, eyes scanning the room once more, noticing a sliding door. Crossing the floor, he reached out his hand, fingers lingering over the paneling to slide it open. "The feel of the air around me, the smells … even my own footsteps..." He opened the closet and ruffled through the articles, pushing aside women's clothing until he came upon a section of clothes with a broader and taller cut. Uniforms he saw the men wear while he moved through the base earlier, slightly modified. Taking one out, he held the material in his hands, cloth and leather mixed together, the symbol of Cerberus on one of the arms. "Do I have anything else here? Something personal, a family heirloom, a friend's gift ... something from you?"

Koji whispered his name and touched his arm, averting his attention fixated on the uniform clasped in his hands to the human male beside him. Their eyes met, the care and sincerity in Koji's dark brown eyes opening something within him, his heartbeat skipping for a brief flicker. Koji's touch was warm and inviting, and without subtlety, Thane glanced at the doorway, focusing to make sure Michiko wasn't nearby. Koji's boots were the only sound of pursuit when he had gone to the bedroom.

"Why can't I remember anything?" he asked on a hushed whisper, more out of frustration, already knowing the answer Koji would give him. The man's light-hearted smile eased him.  
Koji glanced at the doorway and back at Thane, lifting a hand to brush a finger over one of the frills on his cheek. The intimate movement sent heat rushing to Thane's ribbing as he glanced down at the uniform in his hands in uncertainty.

"You remembered me," Koji said, voice laced in glee, pulling his hand away.

"Barely," Thane sighed looked back at the other man.

Sucking his teeth, Koji grinned. "You're so negative. Want me to knock you on the head again? Maybe it will have a reverse effect?"

Thane snorted while Koji made a sound through his nose in delight, both of them continuing to keep their voices low, his playful disposition lightened the air and forced a twitch of a smile from Thane. "I'm up for any suggestion right now. I fear I am getting desperate."

Koji's expression softened, and a gentle smile took the place of his previous roguish stare. "Maybe you need to relax. I really think you should give your head a mental reset." Koji scrunched his nose and snorted, as if trying to hold in a laugh. "Get it? Mental reset?"

Thane chuckled at Koji's terrible joke, his whole body finally relaxing as he let out a sigh of defeat. Glancing at the bed, he frowned, on the edge of despair. He really didn't want to be anywhere near Mitchiko, his instincts only sending warning signals instead of emotional attachment. "I don't want to stay here," he admitted, uncaring if the woman in the other room heard him, the further distress it caused him from those scandalous thoughts, pushed away by his lack of memories.

Koji nodded sternly, glancing down at his hand as he moved his fingers back to brush over Thane's arm, digits boldly tracing a path over his bare scales up his inner arm. Thane felt his frills heat again, and this time he let out a soft purr of inquiry. Did Koji realize the sensuality of his touches? The sexual gesture they implied toward a drell?

Meeting his stare, Koji blinked languidly, taking a moment as if weighing his thoughts, determination shining through as he took the uniform from Thane's grasp, throwing it on the bed behind them. "Then don't," Koji stated simply.

Thane hesitated as Koji turned and made his way from the room abruptly. Thane took a deep breath to collect himself before following after him, finding Mitchiko exactly where they had left her.

"Did you find your omnitool? I left it beside the bed for you." She smiled smugly, studying her nails, voice void of warmth.

"I did. Thank you."

"I think Nero should stay in the medical facility for now," Koji blurted, his lack of subtlety towards Mitchiko alarming, leaving Thane to glance toward him, feeling agitated by Koji's lack of finesse.

Glancing between them, she switched the position of her legs and crossed them at her knees in the opposite direction, adjusting herself on the couch again, expression bored and flat. The light left her eyes as she glanced at her nails again and sighed in annoyance.

 _Not even a hint of concern for my well-being..._

"Is that what you want?" Mitchiko asked in reluctance, lips thinning into a deep set frown, her pasty skin making her seem more like a phantom than a real entity, while her cold and calculating eyes met his.

He refused to back down, her intimidating facade doing nothing for him as he dipped his head in confirmation. "Indeed. I think it would be best, until I've regained my memories."

"Nero needs time to let everything set in. The doctors need to assess his amnesia. I can't have him in the field with me like this. I will work with him to see what skills he has retained, and after that ... well, we'll see what the Illusive Man has to say, won't we?"

 _The Illusive Man? Who is that?_

She was quiet for a long time, an uncomfortable tension filling the room as Koji and she stared at one another. Thane could sense much unsaid between them.

Eventually, Mitchiko sucked her teeth and rose from her seat, hands falling into the pockets of her lab coat. Thane's gaze fell to the vibrant red of her heels sinking into the lush white carpet. A splash of crimson upon a blank canvas, his mind drifting towards recollection.

 _'Be alive with me tonight...'_

The woman from his prior memories appeared in his thoughts, the one whom he originally mistook for his wife. Vibrant crimson hair fell upon white crisp sheets, the vivid green of her eyes, like shining emeralds, stared up with sensual heat, lips parting, beckoning….

 _'Beg for me….'_

His chest tightened as the thought disappeared as quickly as it came. A fantasy? A memory? The human woman felt familiar, and he tried to picture her again, eyes sliding closed while he focused on her face.

"How does that sound?" Mitchiko's voice yanked him back from slipping further, his eyes snapping open to glance at her, keeping the thoughts from surfacing further.

Both Koji and she looked at him, waiting for an answer to a question he didn't hear, Koji's eyebrow arched as he tilted his head to the side thoughtfully. "Are you getting another headache?" he asked, voice dipping back toward concern.

"Nero …" Mitchiko called his name before Thane could answer, her tone crisp with disappointment followed by a sigh. "Go back to the med bay. Koji will keep an eye on you. I need you better."

Thane blinked slowly and nodded. There was a slight pause as Koji motioned his head to follow after him as he started to turn toward the door. Mitchiko slowly sat back down, her gaze on him leaving a sense of regret in his chest. No matter what, this woman was his wife, whether he remembered their marriage or not. She was someone he had chosen to mate with, for whatever reason. When his memories returned, it was something that would still be true, something he had to take into consideration for the future.

"Mitchiko … I'm sorry. When my memories come back, I will make it up to you."

Mitchiko blinked at him slowly, her dark eyes assessing him from head to toe before she snapped her eyes back up to his. A dark smile curled over her lips, a discomforting emptiness in her eyes in her eyes sone back at him before she flashed her teeth in delight. "I look forward to it."

* * *

Kolyat stopped in the doorway, a pleased smile pulling at his lips just as he felt Shepard step in beside him. Ebony sat in a chair pulled up beside the bed, a spoon held up to Keston's lips in the midst of feeding him something from a cup grasped in her other hand. A pained expression pulled at the sides of Keston's eyes, dark circles and puffy bags creasing with the apparent strain it took for him to swallow.

Keston looked towards them, a lazy smile softened his features as Kolyat continued into the room. Ebony following his gaze, placing the spoon into the cup and resting it on the tray table next to the bed. Her face lit up in genuine warmth, and she rose from her chair to meet them both.

"Kolyat," Ebony said in greeting, throwing her arms around his shoulders in a light hug.

Kolyat hugged her back, keeping eye contact with Keston, pleased that his friend had finally woken up. "You look like shit." He grinned as Ebony smacked his shoulder in warning, releasing him to turn toward Shepard.

"I'm glad you came, too," Ebony said, giving Shepard a gentle hug as well.

"He looks like he's doing well," Shepard said, just as the dark skinned woman pulled away, happiness shining through like rays of hope.

"He is. Just don't let him talk too much, his throat is still very sore." Ebony looked back at Kolyat raising one of her eyebrows as if she was challenging him.

Kolyat chuckled and held up both of his hands in surrender. "Yes ma'am, you're the boss."

Turning back to Keston, Ebony lingered over him, their gazes meeting. "I'll give you some time. I'm going to get you some more ice chips. Do you need anything else?"

"A burger," Keston answered, the emotion for her apparent in the way he watched her, his voice a hoarse wisp of air. A cough and then a whimper of pain escaped his lips as he tried to adjust himself on the bed a little better.

Kolyat went over and took his arm, Keston's hands shaking as he tried to grab the bedrail to pull himself up, giving Kolyat an appreciative look while he helped adjust him, being mindful of the IV's and machines attached to Keston's fingers and hands.

"Uh huh," Ebony answered, crossing her hands over her chest. "And how exactly do you plan on eating it?" She lifted an eyebrow when Keston grinned, his eyes sparkling with mischief. A silent conversation seemed to pass between the two of them until Ebony eventually shook her head and sighed. "Fine. I'll be back in a little while, but if I get in trouble for trying to smuggle it in, it's all on you."

Ebony looked back at Kolyat when Keston's delighted grin forced another wave of coughs to erupt from him throat, making him grimace."The doctor said for him to eat the ice chips, it will help soothe the pain."

"We'll make sure he gets some," Shepard answered just as Kolyat nodded in agreement, waiting until Ebony left before turning his attention back on Keston.

The human man met his eyes, fingers coming up to try and tug at the thick, surgical collar around his throat. Kolyat noticed the dark bruises right at the edges of the thick bandages, and the slight discoloration near his jaw and left cheek. His skin was pale and pasty looking, a fraction of his former self, but he was alive, and that's all Kolyat cared about in the moment.

Keston swallowed roughly, letting out a crisp sound as he tried to clear his throat. "I told you ... I love a woman ... who knows what she wants … and takes charge."

"Well, she's definitely called dibs on you." Shepard grinned, walking to the bed and sat by Keston's feet, untangling some of his tubes and wires while she got comfortable.

Kolyat watched her in content, pleased with her ease around his friends, how natural her personality was in warming up to people.

"You look ... well." Keston smiled again, as if amused by Shepard's lack of etiquette, jumping right in and treating him as if they've been friends forever.

"I wish I could say the same thing to you," she teased.

"I probably look as good as I feel." The rest of Keston's sentence barely heard as it flowed into a wheeze.  
"Don't talk. You're going to get us in trouble with your new warden," Kolyat jested, unbuttoning his navy blue suit jacket before sitting in the seat next to Keston's bed. Kolyat saw the question in the other man's eyes as Keston's gaze lingered over him. "What? You don't think I dressed up for you? Tell me I don't look good."

"Doesn't he have the most remarkable modesty?" Shepard asked, grinning in wicked delight at Keston.

"Bullshit," Keston forced out, coughing slightly, frowning while he winced in pain. "Your suit sucks."

"What?" Kolyat blinked in shock, glancing down at his dark grey vest, running a hand over his chest in uncertainty. "Sarah said it looked good," he continued pointedly before he glanced back up and saw the laughter on both of their faces.

"You're so vain." Shepard shook her head sharing a look with Keston, Kolyat realizing now that they were both just teasing him.

Kolyat purred flippantly, and Shepard laughed. He leaned forward to grab the cup of ice when Keston coughed again, looking as if he fought to keep down his own laughter. "This isn't sexual, just take one, it will help," Kolyat said, fishing around for a small ice chip to scoop onto the spoon.

The confusion on Keston's face was loud, both of his eyebrows raised while Kolyat moved the spoon against his lips, allowing him the chance to sooth his throat.

"Feeding another by hand is very intimate for a drell," Shepard spoke up. "It can be considered a form of foreplay or a show of sexual interest. It means they want to supply for you, if you would have them."

Kolyat remained quiet, doing his best to fight the heat spreading over his frills. He wished he would be able to do this for Shepard soon, knew their relationship was finally at a point where he wanted it to be, comfortable and open to trust.

"I knew you wanted me," Keston muttered, snapping Kolyat's attention back towards him. Shepard and Keston chuckling as Kolyat returned his grin.

"Kolyat is accompanying me as my date to a fundraiser for the families of fallen Alliance Officers," Shepard answered for him, adjusting herself more comfortably against the bedrail. The subtle sounds of her crinkling skirts filled up the silence while she adjusted the lace and stiff, voluminous material beneath to fan out around her knees and over Keston's lap, unable to keep the overflowing fabrics to herself. The human man tentatively reached out his fingertips to touch the material, pulling it beneath his palms as if testing out the texture.

Kolyat's chest tightened with retaliation, and he had to physically force himself not to purr in territorial warning. Licking his lips, he glanced away, finding another ice chip and held it up to Keston's mouth, averting his attention off of Shepard and Keston's hands.

"No offense … but I would prefer Ebony to do that."

"Clearly," Shepard teased. "So, are you two a thing now?"

Keston lowered his gaze and fell into silence, the gentle care in his expression revealing the answer. "Are you … and Kolyat?" he countered cheekily, meeting Shepard's stare in defiance.

Kolyat and Shepard glanced at one another, her smile and nod giving Kolyat the confirmation to voice her answer. He had already guessed that Shepard was willing to be open about their relationship when they had spoken to Feron the other day. With her willingness with his friends now, it made everything seem more concrete and real. They were finally an 'us' now.

"We are," Kolyat answered. "We've been seeing each other for a few weeks."

"Good," Keston returned. "Maybe you won't be … such an asshole now."

Kolyat sucked his teeth and placed the cup back on the bedside tray beside them. "It's a good thing you don't want any more ice, you just lost the privilege of being fed by me."

"My heart breaks." Keston coughed roughly, making several attempts to gulp in a few swallows of air, groaning in pain as one of his hands came up to hold his chest.

"Do you want me to call the doctor? Do you need something for the pain?" Kolyat leaned forward in his seat worried about Keston's comfort, knowing it would still be some time before he was back on his feet.

"Tell me …" Keston started, shaking his head and growing more determined when Kolyat held up his hand for Keston to stop talking."Tellios?"

"He's dead," Kolyat answered after a slight pause, unsure how Keston would take the news.

He watched different emotions swirl over his friend's face. Uncertainty and regret fled from Keston's features when he rested his head back against the pillow and stared at the ceiling. His jaw tensed as anger and determination seemed to take hold of him before he nodded. "Good," he said quietly, waiting a moment before his gaze drifted back towards Kolyat.

Kolyat stayed quiet, taking in Keston's expression. The certainty and guilt of his admittance began to show on his face. Kolyat didn't want his friend to feel any kind of regret. Tellios would have killed Keston or could have hurt Ebony, eventually, if left unchecked. Heartless, but the truth nonetheless. "I agree," Kolyat returned in comfort, knowing the relief in Keston's eyes spoke volumes in that moment.

"You did the right thing. No regrets," Shepard added, nodding at Keston sternly when he glanced back at her.

Sharing a moment of silence, Keston took a deep breath, letting his body fall and rest against his pillows before he eventually smiled, licked his lips, and cleared his throat. "So … detective … tell me everything I missed."

* * *

"You look beautiful."

"Don't tease me, smooth talker. You know older men make me hot," Shepard cooed, wrinkling her nose at Anderson in jest.

He smiled at her, his normal stern face softened as his dark eyes moved over the crowd while they made their way towards a secluded area, scanning everyone close by. Hitting her omnitool, Shepard activated her scrambler in case anyone was trying to eavesdrop or record their conversation. She wouldn't be surprised in the slightest if pictures of her already circulated over the externet from the event. Kolyat had notified her on several occasions of people staring longer than necessary as they mingled, whispering as they passed.

Kolyat kissed her cheek before he left her. His warm fingers caressed her lower back, and he gave her a seductive purr before he pulled away, disappearing into the crowd, allowing her time alone with Anderson. Her body still tingled from where he touched her, insides humming whenever she was with him.

"Do they?" Anderson answered. "You could have fooled me with your new chaperone."

Shepard grinned as they made their way out toward the balcony, the sparkling lights of the Presidium against the blackness of space still catching her breath. A sight she never got tired of.

"I need to change things up every once in awhile. I decided to play the cougar this time."

Anderson snorted. "He's not that much younger than you child - three years I believe? Hardly worth the hunt, if that's what you were aiming for."

Shepard tilted her head in intrigue. Why would Anderson know Kolyat's age off the top of his head? Was he keeping tabs on them? "Well …" she started, trying to feel the older man out. His comment about Kolyat twisted her guts in warning. Forcing a seductive smile to her lips,she turned towards him. "Please tell me you're jealous. I'll take your love confession on your knees. Go ahead, I'll wait." She dramatically motioned towards the ground, waiting for him to kneel.

Anderson didn't smile, nor did he make any indication that he was interested in her teasing. The stern authority figure took over full swing. She knew the man like the back of her hand, someone whom she considered her father away from home. Her friend and mentor. He knew her too, and she knew it was only a matter of time before he would start asking questions about her life.

"Please tell me one thing, Shepard …" he started, hesitating as he put his hand on the balcony rail, the weight of his stare burning a hole through her well placed mask.

"Yes, the sex is amazing, too bad you didn't take me up on my offer." She tried to deflect, knowing the question he was most likely going to ask would break a piece of her heart.

Anderson turned his gaze on her, the eyes of a man who easily saw through bullshit and deception - she would know, because she had learned it all from him. "Tell me you're not replacing the father with the son."

Shepard closed her eyes and released a deep breath of disappointment, a bitter taste filled her mouth, ice spread through her lungs.

"I know what it's like to lose people Shepard-" he continued.

"And I don't?" Her eyes snapped open, voice laced with irritation.

"I worry about you." Anderson confessed, eyes dulling with the look of a man who had seen it all. Horrors and trials. His wisdom and experience peering at her with some kind of pity she just didn't want to come face to face with again. "You haven't been the same since you lost Krios," he continued, his somber voice laced with care and warning. "I don't want sorrow to be the driving force holding you to his son."

"It's not like that…." She trailed off, her gaze finding Kolyat in the crowd, immersed in the throes of conversation with an Alliance officer. It was true she had thought that same thing in the beginning, had fought her attraction wondering if it was indeed the reason she had been so captivated by him.

It wasn't … and Kolyat wasn't Thane.

And now she was in love with Kolyat.

Him … not the shadow of his father.

"Our connection after Thane died just gave us an opportunity to spend time with one another. It's not something we just jumped into, and no-" Shepard barked at the end, turning her gaze back toward Anderson, unfiltered anger spilling out from his doubt in her. "I don't see Thane when I look at him, or when I'm fucking him."

Anderson's lips thinned from her comment, his own sigh of disappointment slipped out of his mouth, apparent in the way he looked at her. Taking a pause, he glanced out toward the crowd, Shepard followed his gaze finding Kolyat. "I have to give it to the kid, at least he can handle himself."

"I agree. I trust him."

"And his actions?" Anderson raised an eyebrow at her in inquiry.

"Of course," she returned carefully, sensing that Anderson was trying to bait her for something.

"I hope he understands how dangerous things can get for him."

"He works for C-Sec. He knows the dangers … but you're not referring to that, are you?"

Anderson was quiet for a long time, and Shepard found Kolyat staring at her in the crowd. A sensual grin quirked his lips as their eyes met before his gaze was pulled away by the Alliance officer he was still speaking to.

"Lamalin Ara'tay," Anderson finally said.

"Am I supposed to know that name?"

"Right after the Unveiling, Ara'tay was sent after Kolyat in an assassination attempt. The batarian terrorist group that tried to kill you sent someone after him."

Shepard stopped breathing for a moment. Her one fear of someone coming after Kolyat froze her heartbeat. "I guess it didn't work out in their favor."

"Kolyat was seen with Ara'tay at a club. I have intel that they went to a hotel. Both of them went in, but no footage of them leaving was ever found. She disappears, and Kolyat shows up at work the next day, unharmed."

Shepard shrugged feigning indifference. "He really is a good lay, maybe he fucked Ara'tay's brains out, and she decided against it. We weren't dating at the time. I can't control who he fucked before me."

"Shepard," Anderson scolded, and her insides tightened in guilt, feeling as if she was ten years old, being reprimanded by her father. "That is not the point. Krios was trained for this, Kolyat needs to be prepared for every possible scenario. I don't want you to lose anyone else."

Shepard fell into silence because she had no words to say, the thoughts she tried so hard to force away came back to her in perfect clarity.

 _Everyone you love, will either leave you, or die._

* * *

Shepard pushed herself into the darkness of the balcony, wandering toward the outer edge away from any prying eyes. Anderson's words left a heavy weight in the pit of her stomach, only because she still had a nagging fear of something happening to Kolyat. She knew being with her would be a constant danger to him, but he wasn't a child. He had made the decision willingly, very vocal in wanting to be with her.

And she had fallen in love with him in return. She wanted to tell him, God knows she wanted to tell him, but fear still held her tongue.

She was upset that he hadn't confided in her with what happened that night, and she was upset with herself for being so needy and letting it bother her the way it did. If she didn't care about him, it wouldn't have mattered.

That was the reality though, she did care, and she didn't want secrets anymore.

"Are you trying to hide from me?" Kolyat's voice came from behind her, moving closer as he spoke. "You should know that won't work … not with my scent all over you." He whispered the last part in her ear, hands grabbing her waist firmly while he pushed the line of his body against hers, lips touching the juncture of her neck and shoulder. "Or did you perhaps want to play?" he continued seductively, and a gasp escaped her throat when his hand slipped beneath the hem of her dress.

Shepard arched her back instinctively, hips moving to meet his in surprise, while she glanced around to make sure they were alone. Kolyat's bold actions excited her and made her nervous at the danger of being caught, even while her head spun with the information Anderson had just given her.

"Relax, no one is nearby. We can play," he continued, fingers gliding over her underwear, rubbing her center, teeth nipping at her neck. "I want to be inside you, but for now this will have to do."

 _Holy shit…_

 _Kolyat and his dirty mouth._

"We need to talk." Shaking, just shy of moaning, Shepard grabbed his arm in a vain attempt to stop him, his dark chuckle melting her insides.

Flexing his wrist Kolyat plunged his fingers beneath her lace underwear, pushing them to the side and tested her opening with his fused digits. Shepard shivered from his touch, knowing that she was already growing wet in need for him.

 _Traitorous fucking body…._

"Kolyat, I really need to talk to you," she attempted again, trying to sound as stern as possible, despite the fact that Kolyat had his fingers dipped inside her and swirling his thumb around just the right parts, her knees starting to shake in anticipation.

He chuckled again, his tongue licking a trail up her throat before he nipped the back of her ear. "Is this before, or after, I make you cum on my fingers?"

"Lamalin Ara'tay," Shepard whispered, fighting against Kolyat and the wicked things his hands were doing to her.

She felt him freeze against her, the breath on her neck ceasing, until his hands slowly slipped away, giving them space and her an opportunity to pull from his faltered grasp. Turning, she stared up at his face, irises disappearing beneath the darkness of the outer, ocular scales, his features motionless and unreadable.

"Do you know that name?" she pressed.

Kolyat averted his gaze and took a step back, jaw flexing in the way she knew it did when he was upset, as if a sour taste filled his mouth, and he was trying to decide if he liked it or not. He paused and took a deep breath, hands slipping into his pockets. "Did Feron say something to you?"

"Feron?" she asked, narrowing her eyes in disbelief. Feron had been involved in Ara'tay's disappearance, too?

 _Wait a minute … no video footage of them leaving …_

 _Son of a bitch, this happened the night Feron disappeared for a while._

Kolyat blinked rapidly and clicked his tongue, most likely realizing that she had started to piece events together. Sighing, he nodded and glanced around. "I was going to tell you."  
"Were you?" Shepard challenged back, crossing her arms over her chest haughtily. It wasn't the fact that he'd kept it from her that pissed her off so much in this moment. She was just more upset about being blindsided by Anderson and finding out through him.

"I was," he answered with conviction, stressing his words sternly, meeting her stare in resolution. "I just didn't know how to bring it up."

"Well, you can start now," she retaliated.

Kolyat frowned and shook his head, his gaze falling in sadness. "Sarah ... this is not a conversation to have in a place like this."

"I agree. We're leaving," she replied abruptly, pushing past him in order to make her way off the balcony.

Kolyat turned and grabbed her wrist in haste, trilling apologetically. "Kira, I can understand why you are upset with me – because I kept something from you, but it wasn't on purpose. I swear … and whatever you think you know, you don't know the whole story."

"Are you sure about that?" Shepard bluffed, her shoulders squaring in confidence.

Kolyat hesitated, inner eyelids blinking rapidly. Emotions swirled over his face as he searched her empty expression, but then he nodded, gaze hardening as he released her hand. "I am."

Silence passed between them for several heartbeats. Finally, she turned and continued to leave, sensing him take stride behind her She stopped one final time and turned to look at him. If this was going to work between them, she wanted nothing hidden.

 _All in, or nothing._

"I trust you," she said, and instant relief washed over his features, letting out a loud breath as his shoulders loosened. "But I need you to trust me, too."

"I do – I trust you," he answered without hesitation.

"Your memory," she stated. Her words caused him to freeze. She knew she had most likely caught him off guard with her demand. "I want your memory … even if it takes all night. I want to hear it."

Kolyat's jaw tightened as he grit his teeth, eyes falling to the ground, voice barely above a whisper. "You just said you trusted me."

"I do, and I want you to trust that I won't think the worst of you. No matter what you might have thought of felt in that moment. I know things have changed since then, and I don't want you to hide from me anymore … just like I won't hide from you anymore."

Kolyat narrowed his eyes as if thinking, silence stretching a few heartbeats before he purred mournfully, sadness filling his eyes. Dipping his head he trilled in submission and nodded in acceptance. "If we are going to do this, then no more secrets, for either of us. I want you to open up to me, completely ... I promise I will do the same."

"No more secrets. Promise." She nodded in return.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

"You have how many siblings?" Kolyat glanced at her in surprise, stopping right after he reloaded his sniper rifle.

Shepard smiled and lined up her next shot, waiting for the targets to fly over the stage before letting loose another bullseye. Kolyat moved his attention back over to the practice area, tilting his head thoughtfully from her perfectly timed shot, fingers flexing over his gun as he prepared himself. Looking back into the scope he took his time and steadied his sights, lining up his next shot for the oncoming batch of targets.

"Four siblings," she answered, waiting for Kolyat to finish his next round of well-timed pulls, feeling pleased with his performance - he was actually getting pretty good at handling a rifle.. She knew he'd trained considerably with his pistol use, but the sniper was something he just started to pick up and practice with.

"Are they older or younger?" He looked back over to her after his last shot.

"I have one older sister, Jane. She's a photographer - got married a few years ago to her wife, Jaylene. They own an antique shop on Earth. I have two younger brothers - the twins, Chris and Jake, both turned eighteen last month, and one younger sister, Rebecca - or Becky for short. She's eight." Shepard rolled over from her position on the floor next to Kolyat and clicked on her omnitool opening up a file with her family photos. She moved her omnitool in front of him and motioned for him to scroll through the pictures.

"And your parents? What do they do?" Kolyat asked, taking her wrist in his hand to glance through her omnitool.

"Dad's a retired Alliance general, mom was a Historical Reconstructionist. They're both retired and living on Earth now, too. I think Chris wants to enlist in the Alliance this year, not sure what Jake wants to do yet. I think college."

"You look like your mother," Kolyat said with fondness, stopping on a picture of her parents. "What are your parents' names?"

"Sharon and John."

"And these are your brothers?"

Shepard looked down at the picture Kolyat had stopped on, a picture of her parents standing with Chris and Jake on their graduation day a few months prior. Her father was tall, with short cropped, salt and pepper hair, broad shoulders, and built like a tank. He towered over her mother, who did, in fact, look like an older version of herself - red hair laced with strands of gray. Her face was rounder, though, and she had more curves than Shepard ever would. Her mother wasn't a soldier and had the privilege of keeping a softness about her that Shepard wished she possessed.

Maybe one day, if she had the privilege of growing old.

Her brothers, Chris and Jake, had their mother's trademark vivid green eyes, but inherited their father's jet black hair and broader shoulders. In the picture, Chris had his hair gelled back in pristine perfectness while Jake kept his spiked up and wild, an outer manifestation of his personality.

"Your family looks happy." Kolyat smiled. "Was this taken on Earth?"

"Yeah, the twins' graduation from high school." Shepard closed her omnitool and turned to unload her sniper rifle. Sitting up, she started to unscrew the scope and collapse the tripod. Kolyat followed her lead and unloaded his chamber, starting his own dismantle process.

"What is Earth like?" he asked, opening up the storage box, beginning to place the pieces away securely. "Is it tropical or cold? Are their oceans, or lots of rain like Kahje?"

"Depends on the area." Shepard shrugged. "Earth actually has a lot of different climates and terrains - depending on where you are on the planet and what time of year it is. We have rain forests and meadows, oceans, snow and ice sheets, volcanoes, mountains and storms … we also have deserts." She grinned coyly, knowing the last landscape would catch his attention.

"A desert …" Kolyat trailed off thoughtfully, closing his gun case, hands lingering over the surface until he looked up at her, frills expanding subtly. "I would actually like to see a desert. I have only known rain and oceans, the Citadel … my brief time on Omega. Would … you be willing to … maybe…."

Shepard smiled from his sudden shyness, loving the bashful moments he sometimes displayed to her. Reaching out her hand, she rested it over the back of his. Kolyat's eyes moved up to meet hers as he turned his palm over and laced their fingers together.

"How about we go when you take vacation in a few months?" she offered, really liking the idea of just spending a few days with him, all to herself, in a place he would love and cherish.

Nodding in acceptance, Kolyat grinned, the happiness in his eyes spoke volumes. A purr of delight vibrated from his throat when he answered quietly, "I would really like that."

"So, we'll go," Shepard returned, leaning forward to give him a chaste kiss.

Pulling away, they both moved to get to their feet, grabbing the cases to make their way off the range and toward the front counter. Checking their guns back into storage, they moved out of the training facility and onto the streets of the lower wards. Kolyat stopped right outside the entrance and opened his omnitool. She knew he had to get to work soon and was most likely checking to see how much time they had left together. Clicking his interface closed he smiled, grabbed her hand and urged her against himself.

She went to him easily, his hands rested at her hips, fingers slipped into the dip of her back, holding her close. Shepard smiled and brought her hands to his shoulders, pushing to her tippy-toes to help make up for the height difference. Kolyat leaned down and adjusted himself against her better, resting his forehead on hers, purring in content.

"Spend some more time with me before I go. Are you hungry?" he asked, closing his eyes breathing deeply.

Shepard lingered her touch upon his shoulders, until she let her hands fall, trailing a languid path over his arms, until they dropped to his elbows. "I can't, I'm meeting Mira for lunch today."

"You are?" he asked in pleasant surprise,pulling himself back up, eyes opening to reveal his brightened irises.

"Yep, we made plans yesterday. She has the afternoon off, so we decided to get something to eat and perhaps take a look at baby furniture. Maybe visit Taran at the shop."

Kolyat didn't say anything at first, but his face was soft and serene while he stood there silently and stared down at her. His hold slackened when she took a step back, unsure of what he was thinking about.

"Want me to pick something up for you? I can drop it off at the station," she offered, hoping it would appease his disappointment in her having to leave.

"Thank you, but I'll be in the field today. I'll pick something up later."

"So, I'll see you later, then? You want to spend the night?" she asked with quiet tenderness, reaching her hand up to touch his cheek.

Kolyat covered her hand with his and turned his face to kiss her wrist automatically. The intimate gesture made her heart beat wildly, her insides flutter with delight.

"My place or yours?" he grinned wickedly, desire and heat spreading across his features, sending her heartbeat into overdrive.

"In case you get stuck, just come by when you're done tonight. You have extra clothes in your locker, right?"

Kolyat's grin grew, and he kissed the pulse on her wrist one more time, lips lingering. She knew he could feel how frantic it was by the look in his eyes. That look a man gives you when they know they have you.

"I do, but I don't want to wake you," he stated.

"So, you don't want to stay with me?" Shepard fake pouted, trying to turn the tables on him. She pulled away in reluctance and waited for Kolyat to take the bait.

"I didn't say that," he blinked in dismay, her hand falling from his grasp. He shifted on his feet in agitation as she moved back from him.

Sighing from his distressed reaction, she shook her head, knowing she would have to appease him. "Kolyat, I'm just messing with you. You have the code to my apartment, just swing by when you're done. I'll give you the passcode for the extra security clearance, too."

She opened her omnitool and pulled up the interface, releasing the frequency protocols and extra lock codes and sent them to Kolyat's messenger application. Hearing the prompt on his wrist he clicked the file open and glanced at the codes, hitting a few buttons of his own, her omnitool pinged a second later in return.

"What's this?" she inquired, opening the message from Kolyat, grinning when she saw the codes to his apartment.

"Since you just gave me the key to your apartment, it's only right I do the same."

"Hmmm, this just got serious, didn't it?" she teased, her smile grew until the grave look in Kolyat's eyes caused her to falter for a moment. Maybe they were moving too fast?

Kolyat slipped into silence and studied her face, once again things flashed over his expression she couldn't decipher. Was he having second thoughts about the key exchange? Eventually he took her palm in his, thumb caressing the back of her hand with gentle care. Smooth warm scales ran over her flesh, the peaceful feeling making her greedy for more. No, he offered his key back without hesitation, so it mustn't be that.

"I know tomorrow night we have plans for you to meet Lukas, and the day after I have a double, so I might not be able to see you, but the night after … if you're free, I would like to take you somewhere nice. I want to speak to you about something."

"Hmm? You know humans are usually pessimistic, and when someone says that, they usually think it's bad. Is it something bad?" Shepard asked, worry tightening her stomach in a moment of dread. The only thing keeping her grounded and from thinking the worst was Kolyat's gentle expression.

"Not at all," he answered quietly. "After the other night, and everything we discussed … I just, want to tell you something important … and offer something to you."

"Is it a dirty something or a nice something?" Shepard licked her lips, moving closer against him. Taking her other hand, she rested it upon his chest, staring into his eyes with patience.

"That all depends on you."

"What's that supposed to mean? Can't you tell me now?" she whined in impatience.

Kolyat chuckled and kissed her gently. "Not yet. This isn't the place to talk about it. Besides, you deserve to be romanced, and I plan on spoiling you every chance I get." He pulled her roughly into his arms and kissed her deeply. His passionate, eager touches caused her knees to weaken, and he wrapped a hand around her lower back to angle her, leaving Shepard at his mercy.

His taste was perfect, familiar sin, wrapped up in a pristine package of masculine sexiness. She wrapped her hands around his neck to help steady herself while he urged her against his chest, tongue brushing hers in sensual promise. A moan of protest left her mouth when he pulled away and gave her a devilish grin.

"Just a sample, for now," he purred, running his thumb over her cheek.

She knew her face was flushed like an inferno. "I think I know what you want to offer me," she said, Kolyat's startled expression caused her to grin in impish enjoyment.

"You do?"

"You're going to offer me a new model ship … and get naked when you do it."

Kolyat blinked several times in rapidly, his surprised expression forced a laugh out of her before he caught himself and shook his head like he couldn't believe what she just asked him for. "You figured it out, now I have to change my plans."

"Damn … I really wanted a new model ship." She sighed dramatically, laughing again when Kolyat pulled her back in for another kiss.

"You have a serious addiction, my love," he muttered against her mouth, her heartbeat racing every time he said that word to her. "But, at least it's something I can work with."

* * *

Thane was on his fifth set of pushups when he heard his doors open. Mitchiko's overwhelming scent hit his nostrils before the panels fully opened. Her heels clicked over the ceramic tiles loudly, not even allowing the courtesy of being asked to enter. It was just how she was, never waiting for anyone, doing and saying whatever she wanted. Closing his eyes, Thane continue to finish his set, pulling in deep, controlled breaths while his neglected muscles strained under his body weight.

The last few uninterrupted days proved useful to his recovery. Koji met with him briefly over the course of that time, sparring and testing him, checking his reflexes and lost training. Moves and knowledge came back to him the more they worked together. He had also learned what he and Koji were - trained assassins and skilled soldiers for Cerberus. A coveted tool used for missions that required stealth and small parties to achieve whatever goals he was ordered to carry out. Thane had also learned that Koji was his captain and he, his first lieutenant.

With Koji's help every day, Thane felt himself grow a little stronger, his senses a little sharper, and his reflexes faster. The dull ache in his chest faded, his muscles no longer felt as sore from underuse, and his head became less foggy. Although his memories had not completely returned, he felt confident he was on the right path, flashes of events emerging here and there. Not enough to tie things together, but at least the flashes were enough to paint a clear picture.

"Up early again?" Mitchiko asked.

He felt the air thicken around her as she shifted on her feet. Her presence like a thick fog of an impending attack. Thane ignored her until he completed his last set, blocking her out like he found himself doing on more than one occasion. Several times she had stopped by his room to check on him, each time her personality left much to be desired. She was rude and vocal, often seemed annoyed for no reason. He had watched her interact with soldiers, her brash, cruel way of dealing with everyone she met, spared for no one. Koji seemed to be the only one who was willing to stand up to her at times, and Thane could see their relationship was a constant dynamic of push and pull.

Raising his body up one last time, Thane went to his feet and turned his back on Mitchiko as he walked to his desk. "Do you need something?" he asked, grabbing his white tank top, slipping it over his head, feeling the weight of her eyes over his skin which made his scales itch in discomfort.

"You didn't have to get dressed, I preferred you that way."

Thane blinked slowly and kept his expression impassive, knowing she loved when she could get a rise out of people. He turned towards Mitchiko, hands slipping behind his back while he remained quiet. His silence made her sigh and take a step towards him, knowing she was growing impatient.

"How are you feeling? Have any of your memories come back yet?"

Thane closed his eyes and tried to think back on something substantial, focusing on Mitchiko and anything else about her. He had only remembered bits and pieces, childhood happenings, his parents, some minor things about the village he grew up in. "I remember Koku-shi. Sunsets while sitting on roof tops, throwing pebbles at the river's edge, some training, no faces though. Not enough to feel attached … but at least it's something."

"Koku-shi?" Mitchiko sucked her teeth in disapproval, her nose wrinkled in distaste. "I hated that place. I was only there for a short time, but I was delighted when it almost burnt to the ground. I was happy when we had to leave."

"Koku-shi burnt down?" Thane asked in alarm, wishing he could find a memory to support her statement.

"Not entirely." she shrugged. "But enough to cause abundant damage to force you and Koji to leave. You don't remember? It's not important." Mitchiko waved her hand in the air as if dismissing something inconsequential. "Just leave those memories behind. You were recruited by Cerberus after that. Where you belong."

Thane swallowed down the feeling of gravel that filled his throat, her words stirring something inside himself. Sorrow and pain. A nagging feeling something important laid in the information she just gave him. "Even so … I wish I could remember what happened."

"Don't." She frowned, turning to walk towards him. "I'm more concerned with your lack of memories with us. I really miss you, Nero."

Her words sounded sincere, and he shifted his focus toward the ground. Walking forward, she placed her hand on his chest, the other hand rising up to trace the ribbing on his cheek. An intimate gesture, stirring nothing within him.

He had spent several days wondering why his wife was unattractive to him.

"I'm sorry Michiko, I'm trying," he spoke, raising his eyes to hers, taking her hand in his, he guided it off himself. Her cold, clammy hand, made him feel uncomfortable. More so because of the feeling of detachment he associated with her.

"Kiss me," she stated boldly, ignoring his brush off, throwing herself back against him.

Thane narrowed his eyes and grabbed her shoulders, pushing her away again, turning his face in denial. "Stop," he said in rising disgust with her behavior, moving to put some distance between them.

A pout turned her lips downward in disapproval, eyes burning with sparked anxiety. "So, just because you can't remember us, you don't want me anymore?" Mitchiko accused, her hands going to her blouse, fingertips brushing over the top closure, undoing the first button.

Thane closed his eyes and sighed in aggravation, anger welling in his chest from her display before opening them to glare at her. "I don't know what kind of relationship we had before, but right now, I don't find forceful desperation attractive."

His bitter comment didn't seem to faze her, instead she smiled confidently and continued to pull the fabric to the sides, undoing her second button. Red lace revealed itself as the top swell of her breasts came into view.

"You love my breasts," Mitchiko purred seductively. Her constantly changing emotions confused him to whether she was serious or not. "You like to fondle and bite them. I love when you get rough. I'll willingly refresh your memory any time you desire. Just say you want me..."

She came back towards him, and he froze in place, her hand rising up once more to rest upon his chest, lips brushing against the frills on his throat. He turned his face to the side and clamped his eyes shut as her tongue snaking out to lick over a sensitive area, kissing him gently. Thane tried to focus on the feel of her tongue. His hands twitched as his instincts flared with the need to push her away. He tried to search his memories, anything to see if what she said was true. She was his wife, he needed to try and force himself to give her a chance. The guilt he felt was overwhelming and weighed him down.

Without thinking, he brought his hands up and buried them in her hair. The soft texture was unfamiliar, yet something tugged at him. Something he couldn't decipher, something clawing right below the surface. Thoughts and questions he constantly asked himself.

 _Why can't I remember her?_

"Kiss me. Rough. Like you always do," she begged, biting him with enough of an edge for him to hiss in pain, his instincts flaring with the promise of foreplay.

Mitchiko's hands wrapped around his neck, ushering him closer against her, trying to get him to angle his head down and accept her. Perhaps if he felt her? Perhaps if he could bring himself to kiss her, maybe it would jar something within his memories.

With hesitation, he let her pull his face towards her, opening his mouth slowly, desperate to feel something familiar, anything at all … anything to give him an idea of who he was. Perhaps her taste would awaken something, whether he enjoyed it, or not … but then her scent hit him, and he smelled it … as clear as the emptiness he felt for her in this moment.

A male drell, not him … fresh on her skin. The venom was within her, subtle, but there. A few days old at the very least. Not a claim, but she had been with a male drell … and whoever it was, they had been inside her.

"Leave," Thane barely choked out, pushing Mitchiko away from him, breath caught in his throat as she all but stumbled on her heels.

"What is wrong with you?" she barked, rage spilling across her features, legs twisted as she tried to catch herself from falling.

"Get out," Thane spoke again, his voice cold and uncaring.

Something on his face must have startled her, because she righted herself and stood there staring at him quietly for a long moment.

"Fine," she finally answered, buttoning her blouse back up and adjusted her skirt. "I'll give you more time. Find me when you're ready to talk. I'll even forgive you for this little display. You better make it up to me," she finished conceitedly, running a hand through her long, straight, black hair, smoothing it down as she moved away.

As soon as the door closed behind her, Thane spiraled into a multitude of questions and uncertainty. He was upset with himself for almost giving in to her. For allowing himself a chance to try and trust her, although his instincts had warned him away. This woman, who called herself his wife, had found solace in someone else's bed.

Had she expected him to die? Or had this affair gone on for a while? Was he aware of it? Or did it happen after he got hurt? Did she even know that he could smell someone else upon her skin? Perhaps that was the reason his subconscious didn't want to remember her.

 _So, there is another drell in the base somewhere…._

A flash of pain erupted behind his eyes and Thane staggered forward, clutching his head as a memory was forced out. The images seared to life, like hot coals blazing a trail into his brain. He was sitting on a roof-top staring at a sunset, something he did often in his teenage years. The sun's rays sparkled over the shingles, and he felt something touch his fingers. Looking down, someone's hand grasped his and he looked up to see a human teenager staring at him fondly. Koji's younger self grinning at him playfully.

 _'We'll always be together. No matter what happens.'_

The memory died, and Thane caught himself right before he fell to the ground.

 _Koji…._

He needed to find Koji….

Righting himself, he grabbed his boots and quickly shoved them on before snatching his white officer's jacket and threw it over his shoulders. He left his room in a hurry, nodding at people in greeting who stopped and saluted him, until he made it to the living quarters. Reading the panels on the wall, he found Koji's room and turned down a deserted hallway, anxiety driving him with a fit of desperation. He knew it wasn't like him to get like that, but he needed answers, and he needed them immediately.

Ringing the alert for Koji's door, Thane waited several moments with no answer before someone turned around the corner and stopped when they saw him.

The human man stood up straight and saluted him in respect. "First Lieutenant."

"Officer … Parker," Thane addressed the man, looking at the name on his uniform. "Do you know where Koji is?"

"Koji? You mean Captain Fushida, Sir?" The man blinked in alarm and stood up straighter as Thane approached. "The captain went on a mission, Sir!"

"A mission? Do you know when he is expected back?"

"No, Sir!" the man stated, waiting in obedience, until Thane dismissed him.

Koji had left without saying anything to him. Thane's chest tightened in pain, and he raised a hand to rub at the dull ache absently. Why did the thought of Koji leaving bother him so much more than smelling another on his wife's skin? Standing alone in the hallway, Thane leaned against the wall, the cold, smooth surface, the only thing that seemed tangible and real, and as he pulled himself into his thoughts, he could feel himself slipping into despair.

* * *

"You look like you're in a good mood." Lukas grinned, looking up from his desk as Kolyat came into the room. "Get laid or something?"

"Shut up," Kolyat griped, picking up the small plastic basketball left on his desk and threw it at Lukas.

Lifting his hand, the other man caught it easily. Swirling his chair sideways, he kicked one of his feet up on the desk, dark blue jeans and black combat boots. Grinning, he spun the small ball in his hands, leaning back in his chair, eyes sparkling in mischief. "You only have that stupid look on your face when you come straight from seeing your girlfriend. You're making me jealous."

"How?" Kolyat asked skeptically, pulling out his chair, eyeing the stack of files and data pads on his desk that weren't there yesterday. "Please tell me these aren't all cases assigned to us."

The smile fell from Lukas' lips, and he sighed, shaking his head. "No, there's five more boxes I haven't brought up yet, not to mention the twenty-three files on my desk and the stack by the foot locker over there."

Kolyat let his gaze roam toward the other end of the room, a large box overflowed with papers and files that threatened to avalanche over at the slightest touch. Was he serious? All of those cases were what they were assigned to start with?

"I asked stock to bring up another two file cabinets and a bookcase for us. We're going to have to unpack the rest of our shit today. I also requested HR to lend us two secretaries for the day. I'm going to try and get another one to help with the upload of all the paper copies. We need to get all this crap catalogued and uploaded to datapads with access to our omnitools for quick reference in the field."

Kolyat sat back in his chair and sighed, there was no way he was getting to Shepard's tonight, and the thought made him antsy. He should have agreed to have her stop by and drop something off for him, but truthfully he was just over pleased that she made plans with Mira. Thankful that his friends sincerely liked her, and she liked them in return. "Can we order something? I didn't get a chance to eat yet. I thought we were going to be in the field today."

"Yeah, so did I. We have a meeting in twenty minutes, but when we get back, I could go for some Chinese."

"What's that?"

"You never had Chinese?" Lukas blinked in disbelief. "Aw man, you haven't lived. Aang makes the best lo mein. It's a thin noodle sautéed in sauce. You can get it with meat, or just vegetables if you prefer … shit, now I'm starving thinking about it." His gaze averted to the wall towards the clock before he frowned and adjusted himself in his seat, placing the ball next to him on the desk. "Forgive my stomach for cursing if you hear it."

"You didn't eat this morning?" Kolyat chuckled, sifting through a few of the files on the top of his over-stacked desk, two homicides, a multiple-count grand larceny charge, and a cyber-attack.

"Hell no … Ami made some kind of kale smoothie for me." Lukas wrinkled his nose in disgust. "I took one sip and then shoved my mouth under the faucet. I brushed my teeth four times this morning. I'm just glad she already left for work when it happened."

"She would've been upset you didn't like it?"

"Pffft." Lukas stopped working and looked up at Kolyat in aggravation. "I can tell you exactly what would've happened. She would have laughed at me and most likely called me a 'little bitch'. Then, I would've drank it to prove her wrong. I probably would've had the shits all day because I couldn't man up about turning her down when she gave me a particular face. You know the face, I'm-doing-it-for-your-own-good face." Lukas shook his head in aggravation and ran a hand through his hair absently. "I really hate that face."

Kolyat bit his bottom lip in order not to smile, coughing into his hand to stop the laugh that threatened to break free.

"Don't laugh," Lukas scolded. "The shits not funny. Have you ever eaten kale? I'd rather lick the floor."

"I actually like kale. I eat it in salads."

"Freaking nasty," Lukas detested, shaking his head in denial. He opened his mouth and stuck his tongue out several times, as if he was trying to get something foul out of his mouth, a shiver ran over his body. "Ughhh, keep things like that to yourself, I like our friendship so far."

Kolyat laughed and went through a few more files, opening them to glance at the notes. "Do you want to sort these by date, or charges?"

Pausing, Lukas scratched his beard thoughtfully. "We have to purge what's obsolete, according to the retention policy. After that, I think it would be best if we separated it by the criminal actions - misdemeanors, felony, motor vehicle, and missing persons. We're going to have to set up a numerical system after that so we can find things easier." Sighing, Lukas rose from his seat, grabbed his leather jacket thrown over his chair, and began to put it on. "I really hope they give us Sally. I call her the God of Filing, she'll get everything in order and help us out real fast."

Kolyat followed Lukas' lead and closed the file he was glancing at - a group overdose incident left unsolved - before he straightened his pile and met his partner at the door. They made it to the meeting with time to spare, which didn't last long, and they received a case linked to a cyber-attack to a group of small investment banks.

"We're going to have to ask someone in Cyber Security to track some of the attack patterns." Lukas spoke up, glancing through the paperwork with Kolyat, still lingering about in the main office area.

Kolyat read over some of the papers noting the dates and times. "They're in sequence."

"What do you mean?" Lukas questioned, peeking over at his paper to try and understand what he was looking at.

"The pattern," Kolyat continued, pointing to a series of numbers embedded into the chain of codes. "I don't think this is a person, at least not someone who's actively doing this at random. It's too concise and perfectly timed. I think it's a computer program, set up in advance to weaken the system. The times wouldn't be so seamless otherwise."

Lukas nodded his head and smiled. "I see it now. Good catch. Let's head over to Cyber Security and see if they can come up with something."

"Is that … the new guy?" Someone said, diverting Kolyat's his attention to a group of people who stared up at a television that always stayed on the main news channel. An entertainment program was currently on, letters moving across the bottom of the screen asked, 'Who is Commander Shepard's new lover?'

Kolyat remained impassive while he stared up at the console taking a few steps closer, sensing Lukas staying right beside him. Footage of the Unveiling flashed upon the screen, recordings of him and Shepard walking into the building before switching to the section of the interview where she called him a 'Drell Sex God'. The scene shifted again to a shaky video of them kissing at the carnival and then a picture of them having lunch at a café in the Presidium. The last few pictures he saw, right before he turned to leave, was of the charity event Shepard and he had just attended. Someone had taken footage of him kissing her cheek, her hand linked around his arm as they made their way into the building.

"Holy shit, it's him," another man said, glancing toward him. More started to whisper amongst themselves as they began to stare.

"Lucky fuck…."

"I knew he had to have connections."

"Explains how he got into C-Sec."

"Slick bastard. What a prize, bedding the Commander."

Kolyat ignored all of the talk and left the room without a word. He needed air and silence to clear his mind for a moment. He knew from the beginning that this was going to happen, and honestly, he didn't care. It was true, he got into C-Sec on Shepard's connection, but everything else he earned on his own.

No one would really see that, though, would they?

Leaving out a side door, he went into a break spot that overlooked a fountain and a training area below. Taking a deep breath, he released it in a rush of forced air. Resting his hand on the bannister, he kept his gaze locked on the distance, the cascading water and light trickles of sound catching his attention. The silence helped him clear his mind of the negative comments he heard and knew would only continue throughout his career. He glanced to his side, seeing Lukas come up beside him, hands in his pockets, staring out towards the track and the few who were utilizing it. Kolyat was silent for a long time and was thankful that Lukas didn't speak or question him until he was ready.

"You know they're not wrong," Kolyat finally admitted, refusing to look at Lukas, worried he might lose his nerve if he glanced at him. "Sarah was … Commander Shepard was the one who swayed Captain Bailey and got Council support for my employment with C-Sec."

"That was over two years ago," Lukas stated without hesitation. "From what I know, your relationship is still new. What I don't know is how you came to know Commander Shepard. What tied you together to have her go out of her way like that for you?"

Kolyat looked at the ground, knowing he might as well tell him the truth. It was no secret now with Taran and Mira. For drells it was common and cultural, but for humans … Lukas had been nothing but accepting of him so far….

"My father," Kolyat responded, voice faltering in momentary doubt.

"You did say your father had connections."

"It … it wasn't just that … my father and Shepard were in love." Kolyat glanced at Lukas who dropped his jaw and raised both eyebrows in blatant surprise. He knew he needed to explain the situation more.

"Drell's have different views than humans. In your culture it is wrong to share a bed with a parent. In ours, it's only frowned upon for a blood mother and son, a father and daughter. Females, more often than not, take multiple husbands if they desire it. A female can even take a widowed male and his son if they all agreed upon it. Twins of the opposite sex, which are extremely rare, are always mated to one another. We also have something called _rishka'fan_. If a widowed man has taken another woman, and she has no other _haru,_ if he passes, a child of mating age can step in and demand to take his father's place as her mate."

Kolyat saw Lukas' jaw tick, his eyes hardened with the information he was hearing. "Is that what happened between the two of you? You tried to do … _rishka'fan_ , and it caused a problem?"

"No," Kolyat answered, already sensing how Lukas was probably thinking the worst of him. "My father and Shepard were together until he died. So that's how I know her. That's why she helped me. We didn't stay in contact, we weren't even friends. I actually hated her, and it took me awhile to come to terms with my father for loving another. I thought it was best if I just stayed away."

"What changed?" Lukas asked carefully, taking a step closer, his expression thoughtful while he listened.

"A few months ago, I ran into her at the C-Sec ball. We started talking … and things happened. We started … caring for one another…."

"And now you're in love with her," Lukas finished for him.

The words died in Kolyat's throat, his chest squeezed his lungs with the threat of spilling out and choking him in the emotions he felt for her. "She will always love my father, that will never change … and I'm okay with it. Pleased, actually, that it turned out this way. That's where the problem was for us. We were both trying to figure out if our feelings were genuine, or if we were trying to use the connection of my father to tie us together. It was just one more reason to love her even more, because she wanted to see me, untied to the past."

"But she still hasn't said it back to you, has she?" Lukas asked in somber knowing.

Kolyat fell into silence, but his thoughts brought him back to his last weeks with Sarah, convinced that she already did. "She doesn't have to, because I already know she does. She's just not able to say it yet … and I understand. Sarah's not the type to do things half-heartedly, or lead people on. She's still healing, we both are … but when she's ready … I'll be right there beside her."

Lukas let out a low chuckle and sucked his teeth in amusement. Resting his hands on his hips, he nodded in understanding. Turning around, he rested his back against the railing. "I didn't realize you were such a romantic. So don't give a shit what anyone else has to say about you, ok? It sounds like you already have everything figured out."

Kolyat smiled and nodded, Lukas' support making him feel better. He was genuinely worried what Lukas would think of him, if Lukas would have the same views as everyone else. "I … I think so. I'm going to ask her for claim in a few days, offer her certainty of my devotion for her."

"Really? Claim? Shit, that's a big deal for your species. So you're already considering her for mating?"

"I, ughh…." Kolyat blinked both sets of eyelids rapidly in surprise, heat erupting over his frills in embarrassment. Mating? That never even occurred to him. He never even thought that would be a possibility for himself, with anyone. "I didn't think … about…." He stammered, unable to get the words out.

Lukas laughed and slapped him on the shoulder roughly, snapping him out of the awkward moment. "I'm just teasing. I hope it works out for you. You always have nice things to say about her, so I'm sure she will accept. I mean, if I trusted people on reputation alone…."

"What do you mean by that?" Kolyat asked, turning towards Lukas, quirking an eyeridge in challenge.

"Relax." Lukas smirked. "I just meant that I don't believe in the rumors. I mean if I did, I would've never agreed to be your partner. No offense, but I heard far worse than what those guys were whispering about you."

Kolyat nodded in grateful understanding. He already knew the reputation he once had. Knew that staying away from people, being rude with everything he said, and sleeping around, didn't help his image. He was thankful for the few who were willing to look past that and see who he really was.

An opportunity to change his life.

"Besides," Lukas continued. "You know I have met the Commander before, right?"

"You have?"

Lukas nodded and grinned at Kolyat in glee. "How do you think she found out where you lived? The night I drove you to her office, and I guess she rejected you? She came here looking for you. I was the one who gave her your address. I knew you were seeing Commander Shepard before all of these other jackasses."

"Why didn't you say anything?" Kolyat asked, caught off guard by Lukas' confession.

Flashing his teeth Lukas laughed, shoving at Kolyat's shoulder again. "Because you wanted to keep it a secret? I guess you thought that maybe I would view you differently, or like the rest of these idiots? I'm not mad, though, you just didn't trust me enough yet, but we'll get there."

Kolyat smiled as a deep belief filled his chest. The journey to where he stood was long and hard, lonely and filled with despair, but in that moment, he knew the rest of his life would only be for the better. As long as he had those he could turn to and trust. Friends and colleagues to help him along the way. He knew everything would be all right.

He looked forward to what tomorrow would bring.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

The woman who answered the door looked as if she walked right out of a fashion magazine, a friendly air surrounding her, and Kolyat couldn't help but grin.

"Hi!" The woman's excited words drew out into a high pitched welcome. "You must be Kolyat. So glad to finally meet you!" she continued, raising her voice, trying to speak over the loud noises coming from inside the apartment – music and conversations alike.

Kolyat glanced inside and saw groups of people standing nearby talking to one another just past the threshold. "You must be Ami," he said. The woman smiled and nodded in silent affirmation.

He took her in quickly; dark blond hair piled high on her head, hazel eyes, tall and lithe, and pale pink skin. She wore a minimal amount of makeup, but she was dressed to impress. A dark grey, tight-fitting, sleeveless dress covered her from neck to foot. The high collar made of lace covered her upper chest to the edge of her chin. The only other design on the dress was the same lace material on large oval cutouts over her waist, which allowed glimpses of her skin beneath. He could see the outlines of a tattoo, but he was unable to discern what kind of design from the slight reveal. Did she have as many as Lukas? A thick, gold, bangle bracelet and a matching gold chain with white beads, spaced apart, hung low over her chest and completed the outfit.

Opening her arms in welcome, she stepped into Kolyat quickly, the scents of some kind of flower wafted off her skin. Giving him a quick hug, she turned her attention towards Sarah beside him and did the same. "It's so amazing to meet a celebrity! Lukas told me you were dating. Do you prefer Sarah, Shepard, or Commander?"

Sarah smiled, her eyes lighting up in glee, most likely from the woman's lack of reserve. Many people who met Shepard held a hesitancy towards her - an underlying fear or stiffness because of who she was. The woman didn't seem the least bit nervous. Kolyat knew it would be one of the things to win Sarah over.

"Sarah, or Shepard. Whichever you prefer. I only make people I don't like or know call me Commander when I'm not on duty."

Ami laughed in delight. "I will keep that in mind, and I'll make it a point to watch who calls you what." Looking past them, she smiled wider and politely moved between Kolyat and Shepard to get to the two individuals who remained silent behind them. "You must be Taran and Mira. I'm glad you made it."

Kolyat turned to stare at his friends who both smiled and bowed in the formal drell greeting. Ami, apparently, wasn't having anything of the sort, and she wrapped her arms around both of them in light hugs.

"Thank you for allowing us to be here tonight," Taran said courteously when she let them go, handing her a bottle of wine just as she moved back.

"Thanks!" Ami beamed when she read the label, leaning into them and lowered her voice. "We're going to be greedy and save this for the six of us after everyone leaves."

Sarah snorted and moved closer to Kolyat. "I like how she thinks."

Flashing her teeth again, Ami turned and motioned over her shoulder. "Don't be shy, come on in. Lukas is around here somewhere."

Kolyat glanced around, instinctively slipping his hand around Shepard's waist as they moved inside, passing people already staring at her with recognition. Looking around, Kolyat noticed a few coworkers - people he'd seen from his division but never spoke to yet – and others he'd never seen at all. Women stood in a small batch towards the large, open kitchen in the back. The whole lower floor was one giant room, and a single staircase lead to another floor by the left wall - all made of brick - exposing a ledge with glass windows looking out over the downstairs. Behind him, he heard Taran and Mira purr in appreciation.

"Your home is very spacious," Mira spoke up, pulling Ami's attention back towards them.

"We got lucky. Lukas lived here first. The epitome of a bachelor pad. In case the pool table, dart board, poker area, and bar didn't give it away - and all the brown tones."

Kolyat glanced down at the rich hardwood floors and then at the black and brown furniture. He knew he was guilty of black furniture at his apartment, too. "Maybe he's just waiting for you to redecorate."

"Oh, it's happening," Ami agreed. "He just doesn't know it yet. There's no way I'm going to raise children with so much glass around."

"Are you expecting, or planning on it?" Mira raised her voice in excitement taking a step forward, eyes shining in eagerness.

Kolyat looked away to hide his smile, knowing how vocal Mira could get. Sarah's fingers curled around his, squeezing his hand gently just as he located Lukas on the far side of the room. He was stooped over a pool table with a group of people, starting to line up a shot. Sarah moved into his side, turning his face towards her, he kissed the top of her head, their attention going back towards their friends.

Taran hissed quietly and wrapped his hand around Mira's, pulling her back towards him. "Meha, we do not wish to make Ami uncomfortable with personal questions."

Mira covered her lips with her fingers and purred in apology, frills expanded in shame. "Forgive me. That was unbecoming."

Kolyat shook his head and purred in order to ease them, knowing that Lukas wasn't the type to get offended easily, and what Lukas told him about Ami, she wasn't either. As if on cue Ami burst out laughing, several people from nearby glanced at them in curiosity, but she paid them no mind.

"Please, don't worry about any of that. Ask away to your hearts content." Ami smiled at Mira in warmth. "I'm not pregnant, but I think you just gave me a terrible idea to mess with Lukas later." She glanced around before moving closer to their group. "I just took on a new project next month for an infant clothing line. I think I won't tell Lukas and pretend I'm making it for us." Ami laughed loudly again in glee.

"Oh my God, we are officially going to be friends." Shepard mirrored her delight, chuckling in devilish enjoyment.

"I hope so," Ami agreed. "Lukas makes it clear that he hates the people I've been hanging out with lately, but it's only for work. Besides…." Ami trailed off and grinned, turning back towards Mira. "I heard you're the one who's expecting. Congratulations by the way."

Taran and Mira looked at one another, tenderness shared between them before they both expressed their appreciation and thanks.

"Lukas told me you design clothing," Kolyat joined in, speaking to Ami. "Is that how it works? You finish a line and move onto the next one?"

"Sort of. I get contracts and commissions on completed pieces and designs. Clients will choose me if they like my style or expertise. I work mostly with lace and cotton, but I'm starting to get the hang of silk."

"Did you make that dress?" Shepard asked, admiring her from head to toe.

"It is very lovely," Mira agreed.

Ami gave another dazzling smile and nodded. "I did, thanks. If you're ever interested in seeing my designs, let me know. I'm always looking for commissions."

"Good. I'm always looking for dresses." Shepard sighed, running a hand through her hair. "I'm getting booked for more events than I know what to do with. Unfortunately, I can't go as I'm dressed. Although Udina would have a field day, I'm sure."

"I like how you're dressed." Mira glanced at Sarah, looking over her tight, white, cashmere sweater which ended midriff, low-rise, tight blue jeans, and a pair of simple, black, high heel shoes.

Shepard grinned and looked back at their friends. "I'll let you borrow the outfit anytime you want. Taran might get a kick out of it. If not, I have some more interesting stuff at the house." Her eyes moved towards their silver skinned friend. "Tell me, do you like miniskirts, Taran?"

Taran's frills brightened when he glanced away, a coy smile pulling at his lips, and Kolyat knew the question caught him off guard. "That's up to Mira to decide, but I wouldn't disapprove if she chose to wear one."

Shepard laughed mischief dancing on her expression. "If she wears it, the best part is … she's already pregnant."

Kolyat snickered as the smile fell from Taran's face, blinking at Shepard in disbelief. Mira covered her mouth with her fingers and turned her face away. A habit she often did to try and hide her chuckles, before Taran nudged her playfully causing her laughter to escape unhindered.

"Oh yes," Ami added in. "We are officially going to be friends."

* * *

"That's incredible." Ami whistled in disbelief. "And the baby has both parents' genes? Even though they're the same sex?"

"Yes," Mira confirmed, nodding as she took a sip of the fruit smoothie Ami made for her while the rest of them enjoyed the wine Taran brought.

Shepard smiled and raised her glass to her lips, falling deeper against Kolyat's chest, his body turned sideways. One hand rested on the back of the couch to easily accommodate her against the long, perfect, line of his body. Kolyat purred in quiet tenderness and kissed the top of her head, listening to Mira continue speaking. Shepard, too struck silent in astonishment, listened as the drell woman spoke about the fertility clinic and research she did for a living. Genetically engineered birth. Babies that retained the genes of both parents, no matter the sex or species of the individuals involved.

"We've been very successful in cross species reproduction as well. We prefer quarians, of course, to give birth to another quarian. It's safer that way, but if the couple prefers human or turian - depending on the partner - we can arrange an alternate birthing method. Turian and quarian are the easiest couplings because of their dextro compatibility, but we've had several successful turian and human children born as well."

Shepard couldn't believe it. This was the first time Mira really spoke about the details of her work so willingly. "And they're all healthy? No new cross-species adaptation, right?"

"Not at all." Mira shook her head in denial. "Say for instance if you decide to have a child whose father is turian and mother is human, and you decided you wanted a turian child. Without getting technical, we would infuse the genes, personality traits, and characteristics of both parents - like eye color - but use the basic donated 'shell' of a turian embryo. Once the egg is set, we would implant the embryo into you. If it is successful, and your body accepts it, the egg will latch on and pregnancy resumes. The child is undoubtedly the both of you."

Shepard breathed out heavily, trying to process the information just given to her. "I don't know … giving birth to a turian … sounds very painful…."

"I know, right? I was just thinking the same thing!" Ami raised her voice in horror. "Talk about ripping your girl town apart."

Mira covered her lips with the tips of her fingers, it was something Shepard noticed she did when she tried to prevent herself from laughing. "For a turian with a non-turian mother, a cesarean is mandatory. Their plates are still too hard for the mother to birth safely."

"Ah man, now I have something to tease my friends, Tali and Garrus, about next time I speak to them." Shepard smiled and glanced at her omnitool, fighting every urge to pull open the program and start spamming them with all the information.

"Would they be interested in our services?" Mira's eye's brightened in excitement.

Shepard at least knew a few things about Mira now, and one of them was that she really loved her job. "Maybe one day, but right now, they are both doing their thing on different planets."

"Make sure you let them know about us if they are ever interested in starting a family."

"Oh, they are never going to hear the end of it, believe me." Shepard flashed her teeth, imagining all the inappropriate conversations she had lined up for the future.

"So what are the success rates?" Ami asked. Glancing at Lukas, she quirked the corner of her lips up before leaning in closer to Mira, her attention fully captured by the lavender woman. Ami's hand fell upon Lukas' knee, who sat beside her, still silent but glancing at her periodically, as if gauging her reactions to the baby subject matter.

"Cross-species couplings are unpredictable," Mira started up again. "But we monitor both baby and mother closely from conception to birth. It's up to the body to decide whether or not the fetus is accepted, or considered a threat and expelled. We've had success as little as a second or third try and as many as twenty. Some not at all." Pausing, Mira's gaze fell for a brief moment like she was thinking of something before her eyes jumped back up and met Ami's. "It depends on how badly you want it, and what your body is willing to take."

"Or what you can afford, I imagine," Lukas mused, scratching his beard. His words were not sharp but full of stern knowing.

Mira nodded and stayed silent.

"Who cares?" Ami raised her voice in excitement, pulling back all of their attentions towards her. "We can have a quarian baby! No, I want a krogan!" She turned toward Lukas and slapped his knee in playful delight. Her eyes lit up with a sense of mischief. "I can have him throw you around whenever you decide to spill the shakes I make for you down the drain."

"I don't … do that." Lukas glanced away and looked at Kolyat firmly. "Tell her I don't do that. You see me at work with them, right?"

Shepard felt more than heard Kolyat laugh beneath her, a deep rumble of his chest and throat that always caused her insides to tighten in pleasure. She doubted she would ever get tired of hearing the melody of his vocals, basking in the smooth surface of his voice as the sounds washed over her skin. Goosebumps pricked her flesh in need and she forced herself to push down the inappropriate thoughts in the presence of her friends.

"What happened to your poker face, Lukas?" Kolyat teased in return.

Angling herself, Shepard looked up, only to see him grinning at his partner before he looked back at the group. She loved seeing Kolyat so relaxed and able to be himself around people. The lightness in his personality finally became an everyday part of him.

"I knew it." Ami frowned, shaking her head she glared at Lukas, and everyone chuckled. "You're such a little bitch. Can't even drink a healthy shake."

"I drink them," Lukas answered pursing his lips, shrugging he glanced away. "Well … as much as I can stomach, anyway"

"You're such a wuss."

Lukas grinned and intertwined his fingers with Ami's. Pulling them towards his mouth, he kissed the back of her hand. "Keep talking baby, I'm going to make sure you really enjoy it later. You know how revved up I get when you're like this." His lips lingered over her skin, and he gave her one of those devil-may-care looks. Shepard knew those looks well because Kolyat was a master at them, and by the look on Ami's face, Lukas was one and the same.

Heat entered Ami's gaze, a slow, knowing smile forming over the look she gave him, her other hand reached up, and she slipped the tips of her fingers through his hair. "You can't always eat meat and potatoes."

"I don't," Lukas stated in defense. "I had a salad in front of me the other day," he added in, keeping his gaze steady with Ami's. Some kind of push-pull battle of wits happening between them that no one wanted to interfere with.

She stared into his eyes, the light, amused expression never faltering. "Bullshit. The salad was probably in front of Kolyat while you sat there and watched him eat it." Turning to Kolyat, Ami quirked an eyebrow as if challenging him to deny it.

Shepard heard Kolyat chuckle again, a slight hesitation before he answered. "He ate lettuce and tomato that day."

"Yeah, probably with his burger and fries," Ami deadpanned while Lukas laughed.

Kolyat purred with the pitch of thoughtfulness, and Shepard glanced back to see his face. Bending down a little, he nudged Shepard's cheek with his nose in an intimate gesture, one of his arms coming down to circle around her waist as he guided her face back to turn toward the group. Running his lips over her cheek, he stopped at her ear and whispered, "She's really good."

"She knows him." Shepard snickered and nodded, her heartbeat speeding when he kissed behind her ear, forcing her to lose focus as the conversation went on.

"I'm so getting my krogan son to kick your ass into shape." Ami smacked Lukas' cheek, a quick light tap, sending a look to spread across his face like fire.

Excitement flashed in his eyes. "I love it when you talk dirty."

"Make sure you get rid of all the glass," Shepard finally cut in. "I lost a lot of furniture to Grunt in the beginning. Especially when he started going through his puberty stage." Shepard took a sip of her wine, the burst of fruity undertones danced across her tongue, making her lose focus for a second as she enjoyed the taste.

 _Holy shit that's good. Taran knows wine._ She almost moaned from the delightful taste.

"Grunt?" Mira asked. Her head tilted to the side in inquiry.

Shepard grinned and rested her glass down on her knee, adjusting her position, Kolyat shifted behind her, getting ready to accommodate whatever position she wanted to move in. His automatic response to her comfort pulled at her insides. A sense of wonder and excitement accompanied the butterfly feeling that took root in her stomach when she thought about whatever he had planned for her in a few days. Kolyat said he wanted to speak to her and give her something. Shepard just hoped it ended with a new model ship, or her screaming his name in pleasure. Both would suffice. That man was nothing but walking sin. The things his hands and tongue could do to her...

Blinking quickly, Shepard brought her attention back to Mira. Kolyat's fingertips trailed over the top of her hand, a barely audible purr, meant just for her, resonated from his frills. "I hope you're not thinking about Grunt right now."

 _Damn, he smells my desire for him._

Without answering Kolyat, she stared solely at Mira and Kolyat snorted in response. Shepard knew he wasn't really upset but teasing to let her know he smelt her. "Grunt is my son. A krogan, tank bred."

Everyone turned and stared at her, eyes wide in astonishment. She could see all the unasked questions on their faces.

"I thought that was one of the more elaborate rumors about you," Mira responded, lavender irises flashing in peaked interest.

Taran's gaze also fixated on her, both eye ridges raised.

"This one is actually true," Shepard admitted. Grinning she glanced at the wine glass rested on her knee, fingers playing with the stem as she thought about her time with the young krogan and how much she actually missed him.

"Ami … you know we can't actually do krogans, right?" Mira shook her head. "The genophage makes it impossible, not to mention your fragile bodies and the fact that they lay eggs. Salarians, too.

"Of course. I was just messing with Lukas." Ami smiled gently, leaning back on Lukas she reached her hand back to caress his cheek in an intimate manner. She ran her fingers up into his hair, bunching it in her palm as he leaned into her touch. "He's a naughty boy, I like to remind him who's actually in charge, every once in a while."

Ami turned her face and grinned up at Lukas who succumbed to her silent urging and kissed her. Pulling away, they shared a quiet pause, their gazes locking in a moment completely made up of their emotion for one another.

Shepard looked back at Mira, whose expression now reflected care, a connection they were all starting to feel for one another. Placing her fingers over her lips, the drell subtly covered her mouth and turned towards Taran discreetly. "I really like them," she spoke on the verge of a whisper.

Shepard just barely made out her words, but a happy hum from Kolyat alerted her that he heard Mira, too. "What about human-drell couples?" Shepard blurted. The question tumbled out of her mouth before she had the common sense not to ask in front of everyone.

The whole group stopped and looked at her. Full attention focused solely on her. She could've sworn she felt Kolyat stop breathing, and Shepard pretended she didn't see Taran glance between them and smirk before looking away.

Mira blinked, expressionless for a moment, before a soft smile turned the corners of her mouth up. Her face looked soft and serene. "We have, actually. Just once … and it was successful after a second attempt. A drell male was born, and he was extremely healthy."

Shepard fell silent, not sure how she wanted to process the information just given, too many thoughts now swirling around in her head. Her relationship with Thane and what could've been if she'd known. Her relationship with Kolyat and how it possibly would've changed everything if she decided to have a child with Thane. How her relationship with Kolyat wouldn't of existed if that was the result, or would've been different if he wanted to be a part of the child's future. She cared about Kolyat deeply now and couldn't even picture a scenario where she didn't love him.

 _Wait … did Kolyat even want children?_

They had never once discussed their future yet, only living in the moment….

 _I love him … we need to start discussing these things … I need to tell him how I feel._

"Yo, Graham!" someone called from the other end of the apartment, a lingering batch of people still remaining as the party began to dwindle down.

They all looked over to the source of the intruding voice, a human man from definite Spanish descent walked over towards them. "You finally ready to get me paid, amigo?"

Lukas chuckled and looked around as if assessing who was left in the apartment. "Are the rest of you in?"

The man nodded and reached out his hand towards Kolyat. "I don't think Graham introduced us, but I know you. His new partner, Kolyat Krios. I'm Cesar Martinez from Fourth Division."

"Nice to meet you," Kolyat answered, adjusting Shepard slightly he reached his hand out to shake Cesar's hand.

The man was stocky, probably only a little taller than her, a round race with stubble lining his chin, almond shaped eyes, and a bald head. He smiled and took Kolyat's hand, shaking it before turning his dark, brown eyes on Mira and Taran. "Are you going to join in, too?"

"Join in?" Taran blinked slowly looking over toward Shepard and Lukas as if in silent question.

"Poker," Kolyat answered. "Lukas is going to teach me to play."

"Or lose all your money," Sarah added in.

Cesar gave her a slow smile and nodded. "First time? We'll go easy on you."

Shepard knew he was lying, but she would let Kolyat experience that on his own. Moving herself forward, she gave Kolyat enough room to get up and join them. He asked Taran and Mira if they wanted to come, but the both of them just shook their heads and said they wanted to remain with Ami and Shepard.

Turning one last time, Kolyat bent down and kissed the top of the head, his fingers curling below her chin, angling her face up to look at him. "I'll be back in a little bit. Wish me luck."

"Good luck." She made it sound like a warning, already knowing poker was one of Lukas' favorite pastimes, and by the way Cesar was looking at Kolyat like fresh meat, it was Cesar's thing, too.

 _Yeah … Kolyat's about to lose all his money._

* * *

Kolyat was definitely not lucky. Two hundred credits down, he already felt the sting of defeat as Lukas and Cesar cleaned everyone out of all their money. He tried his best to grasp the concept of the game, and it was simple enough, with no real skill involved other than guessing who held which cards and luck. Placing his hand down on the table, Kolyat let his head roll back while he groaned and laughed. Another thirty credits lost to Cesar.

"Oh, it's getting ugly now." Lukas sucked his teeth, transferring the credits to Cesar's chit counter.

"What's wrong, ese? You about to cry on me?" Cesar grinned at Lukas from across the table. Shuffling the cards, he started dealing out another hand.

Lukas smirked and picked up his cards, running a quick glance over them before placing them face down on the table. "Not until I make you my bitch."

"Funny, that's what your mom said to me last night."

"Not with that Mexican dick." Lukas scoffed, picking up his beer to take another drink.

"You mean this horse dick, right Aren?" Cesar swung his head to the side, making eye contact with a dark skinned human who narrowed his eyes at him in confusion.

"What the hell you talking about, man?"

"Your mom said-" Cesar continued.

"Yo!" Aren cut him off, both eyebrows raised in warning. "My mom will kick. Your. Ass. Don't make me call her and tell her whatever your about to say."

The smile fell from Cesar's face, and he adjusted himself in his chair before picking up his cards. Lukas hit the table with his hand in delight as all the human's at the table laughed and hollered in amusement. Apparently Aren's mom was Cesar's commanding officer.

"You need to call First Lieutenant Huggins, right now!" Lukas demanded tapping the table with his finger, laughing maniacally.

Aren chuckled and held up his omnitool to taunt Cesar. All of the other people at the table continued to throw jests and insults back at the other, urging Aren to call his mother.

 _Yep, all the humans are drunk._

Leaning into Zarus beside him - a turian officer from Third Division he met earlier that evening – Kolyat whispered to the only other non-human at the table, "Do they usually get like this?"

"No," Zarus responded shaking his head, mandibles flicking into his version of a smile. "Usually they're much worse."

Kolyat smiled and remained quiet, waiting until the banter slowed down enough for them to continue the game. His gaze fell on Joel across the table from him, who for some reason was not joining in on the group discussions but nursed his liquor instead. Kolyat wondered why Joel was even there. The last time Lukas spoke to him, he still owed Lukas money from the last set of poker games they had, and his attitude towards Kolyat left much to be desired. The human looked pale though, his skin started to sweat, dark circles beneath his eyes, and Kolyat had the instinct to ask if he was well until Cesar cursed loud in frustration, pulling him from his line of thoughts.

Another hand, another loss, but this time it was Lukas slamming his cards down on the table in rowdy enjoyment, jumping from his seat. Throwing his hands in the air in victory, he yelled, "karma's a bitch" towards Cesar.

 _Royal flush…._

Everyone groaned, even Kolyat, while he was relieved of the last of his credits. Three hundred was his limit for one night.

"This is bullshit!" Joel's loud, angry voice broke through all of the laughing and enjoyment.

Lukas sat down after giving Aren and another human at the table – Joseph - high-fives. "Come on, Joel. It's just a game. Have some fun with it."

"You fucking cheated." Joel stood up, slamming his hands down on the table in rage.

Silence fell upon the room, everyone left in the apartment turning their attention towards the human man who now took deep, steady breaths, as if trying to calm himself down. "Five hundred fucking credits."

"Joel, no one told you to put that much in," Aren spoke up matter-of-factly. "You know we all come here to lose to Cesar and Lukas anyway. Sometimes we get lucky, most times, we don't." He laughed with a reluctant ting, most likely trying to ease the mood. "Besides, think of it as paying back the house for the food and company."

Kolyat stayed silent, noticing the way Joel's body swayed, his hands balling into fists upon the green material of the table, sweat forming over his forehead. He heard Zarus trill in warning beside him, knowing he would be the only one to hear the sound as Joel reached behind himself and grabbed his gun. Everyone made gasps of surprise and froze in place as Joel steadied his aim on Aren, eyes blazing in fury.

"Fuck you man," Joel spat.

Aren raised his hands up in surrender, blatant shock widening his eyes. Kolyat watched Joel carefully, despite every instinct to reach for his own gun, forcing himself to keep his hands in sight upon the tabletop. He glanced past Joel to where Taran, Ami, Mira, and Shepard sat. Taran was already pushing Mira quickly behind himself as he rose from his seat, keeping both his wife and Ami shielded. Kolyat didn't miss his scared tremble, though. His gaze met Shepard's briefly, who was sitting upon a stool, her hand reaching down to slip her high heel off one of her feet as she turned toward the other three and held a finger to her lips for silence.

"What the fuck is the matter with you?" Joseph spoke up, Joel's aim moving from Aren to Joseph and then to Lukas.

Joel ran a hand through his hair and formed a fist, tugging on it as his expression filled with so many emotions Kolyat had trouble figuring out which one was prevalent.

"Easy man. Just take it easy. It doesn't have to go this way," Lukas said gently, doing the same thing as Kolyat, keeping his hands open for Joel to see. Slowly rising from his seat, he reached his hands out languidly and kept his palms up in a halting manner. "Just take a breath. Lower the gun. Let's talk about this."

Joel blinked rapidly, his labored breaths picking up speed, expression changing to surprise when he glanced at the gun in his hand, almost as if he didn't realize he had pulled it. "No," he finally said sternly, despair filling his features. "This was bound to happen eventually, right? Someone to finally put you in your fucking place. Might as well be me to do it."

Kolyat blinked in confusion. What the hell was Joel talking about?

Lukas hesitated before answering, "Trust me. I know my place. This is just-"

"You don't know shit!" Joel bellowed, taking a deep breath before tightening his grip on the gun. The movement alarming everyone at the table as Joel adjusted his stance, like he was getting ready for the recoil. "You both sit there, so full of your-fucking-selves. You don't know what's coming - think you're untouchable."

"I don't understand. I've never thought that."

"Yeah you have. Don't try to deny it. You're good at that ass kissing … just like this fucking snake." Joel turned the gun on Kolyat. "Always getting shit handed to you."

Kolyat kept his gaze locked with Joel's now. His whole body humming with the danger of the situation. He watched the human's jaw flex in animosity, and Kolyat moved his hands slightly towards himself, looking for an opening to reach for his gun. A frustrated trill from Zarus beside him made Kolyat think the turian was most likely trying to do the same.

"Hey!" Lukas yelled, bringing Joel's attention back towards him, although the gun stayed focused on Kolyat. "You're angry at me for something. Leave Krios out of this. You're pissed because you're in the hole now, right?" Lukas bent his body towards Kolyat trying to get Joel to take the consideration of a target off of him. "Just take all the winnings tonight, man. Cesar will give it to you. Right, Cesar?"

"Yeah amigo, whatever you need," Cesar answered quickly, his accent thickening while his agitation grew more apparent.

Joel relaxed his stance a little, something like relief washing over him as he released a long, shallow breath.

"If you need more," Lukas pressed, "just ask. We're all friends here, right? You don't have to do this. Think about Beth. Think about the baby. Nothing happened. This never leaves the room."

"You just think you're the fucking savior, don't you? Always the good cop. You can never do any wrong."

Joel was quiet for a long moment, his hands beginning to shake while he glanced down like he was still debating what he wanted to do. Kolyat did his best to keep his eyes from flicking to Sarah, who crouched low and silently approached the human man from behind.

"They'd be better off without me," Joel whispered, his voice and expression empty, the intent crystal clear in his expression, Lukas' own face shutting down in realization.

 _He's going to shoot…._

Shepard was on him just as Joel's finger flexed over the trigger, stopping him from firing the gun. Striking out, she knocked the barrel of his gun towards the ceiling before punching him across the face with her other fist. Releasing a grunt of surprise, Joel sprang back in rage, raising his hand for a swing, but Shepard blocked the hit and grabbed his wrist, landing a palm strike to his nose. Swinging herself around, Shepard locked his arm into place and struck out, a crack resonating in the air, making him drop his gun upon the table, a scream of agony escaping his throat.

Everyone else jumped up, ready to assist, but Shepard yelled that she had it as Joel stumbled forward and blindly turned to take a swing at her. Another jab to his nose left blood pouring down his face, and his head snapped back momentarily while he lost his bearings.

"Stand down," she warned, staring at him calmly.

For a single moment, fear blanketed the human man's face, blinked away a second later and replaced with fathomless rage. He smiled and spit blood at her, the spatters falling over her white sweater, but she didn't flinch, and Joel surged forward as if he was trying to catch her off guard.

Kolyat knew it wouldn't work, seeing first-hand how Shepard was in action.

Kolyat rushed forward to get to Shepard, watching as Cesar tried to grab Joel, only to be dodged and punched square across his jaw. Losing his balance, the bald-headed human hit the poker table hard and fell to the floor in a daze. Lukas came up next, but a hand held up in warning by Shepard had Lukas and Kolyat freezing in their footsteps.

Joel's attention jerked back to Shepard. "Trying to protect your fuck buddy? You must be a good lay since he hasn't moved on yet."

"You have no idea." Shepard smirked. Dodging another fist, she ducked and leaned into her next blow, shoving her elbow into his abdomen.

Joel grunted in pain and doubled over, Kolyat seized that opportunity to grab the human's uninjured hand and twisted it back while he propelled Joel's movement and slammed his face into the poker table. Pushing his body weight upon the human, Kolyat kept him still, even though Joel screamed and tried to fight back.

"Now who's in the fuck boy position?" Shepard laughed and taunted, smiling wider when Joel yelled in a frenzy and tried to struggle again.

"That's not helping." Kolyat frowned at Sarah, applying more pressure on Joel's arm, making him bellow in pain. Lukas came up beside him and began to assist, placing a pair of handcuffs on Joel's wrists, even though one of them was clearly broken.

Shepard shrugged and took a few steps back allowing the others at the table to come in and grab Joel, even Cesar who rubbed his jaw with a deep scowl. Looking towards Taran, Mira and Ami, Shepard went back toward their group to make sure they were okay.

"You're a freaking badass," Ami said, catching Kolyat's attention before he focused on the group of men who tried to agree on what to do with Joel.

After a few minutes of debate, and Joel finally giving up the struggle, everyone decided to take Joel to the hospital and then report him to his superior officer. Kolyat stayed behind, refusing to leave his friends, wanting to make sure the excitement didn't startle Taran or Mira. Ami was clearly not as affected as he thought she would be, more concerned for Mira's wellbeing than her own. Getting her a glass of water, Ami stayed by her side as Taran kneeled before Mira and held her hands, humming at her soothingly. Shepard sat on a bar stool beside them and stayed silent, putting her shoes back on. Their gazes met, and Kolyat's chest tightened as the reality of the situation and how bad things could've gone surfaced in his thoughts.

Kolyat glanced towards Lukas who closed the door behind the last guest as they all left the apartment, his gaze dropping to the floor before he bent down and picked something up. Walking toward him in curiosity, Kolyat wondered if someone had dropped something on the way out and mentally questioned why Lukas wasn't running out to give whatever it was back.

Turning toward him, Lukas waved a tiny, clear, plastic packet towards Kolyat who took the item and held it in the palm of his hand. Humming in disgust, Kolyat shook his head in disappointment. Joel's agitation and heightened emotions finally started to piece together properly, if the item was his. Two glowing, blue pills, easily recognizable, took up residence in the small, clear pouch.

 _Blue krystal._

* * *

Thane stood towards the back of the hangar where it was isolated and dark. Waiting in the shadows, he watched Koji walk off his shuttle, black duffel bag in hand, the tools from whatever mission he returned from. The way he held the bag alerted Thane to the weight of the contents, the muscles of his perfectly tanned arms flexing as he adjusted the bag in his grip, the heavy bulk pulling at the straps.

The docking bay was empty except for a few lingering workers who moved boxes, unloaded pallets, and checked reports. A single soldier waited for Koji on the loading path. He saluted when his commanding officer grew near, handing him a datapad and awaited orders. Koji nodded, reading over whatever he was given, and the officer relaxed and walked away.

Thane studied his human partner carefully, sweeping over every part of his body from head to toe. His spiked, bleach blond hair and the black roots that began to peek through. An oval face, sharp features, both handsome and striking. His deep, brown eyes were intense and never seemed to miss a thing, and his right ear held three, small, gold, hoop earrings. He was well built and muscular, tall and well defined. Attractive … and Thane knew he smelt like a foreign spice mixed with the forest trees of his childhood village.

Koji glanced around discreetly, his eyes scanning the area before they landed on the dark corner Thane positioned himself in. Thane's heart raced as soon as their eyes met, and he had a feeling the human knew the whole time that he was there.

Lowering the datapad, Koji shifted the bag in his hand and walked over towards Thane, pausing to read again when a worker on the far end looked in their direction. When the docking employee moved on, Koji continued silently on his path and slipped into the shadows next to Thane, both moving behind a stack of crates where no one would see them.

Remaining silent, Thane stood up straighter, a nervous flutter spilling through his stomach as Koji moved closer. Linking his hands behind his back, Thane watched his partner lean against the metal boxes beside him, and Koji crossed his hands over his chest.

"Miss me?" Koji smiled coyly,, glancing sideways as if daring him to deny it.

Thane didn't know what to say, whether to give in to Koji's teasing or stay neutral with what he was feeling. Many of the emotions still confused him, wishing more memories would surface and give him an idea. "You could have told me you were leaving," Thane answered flatly, deciding on deflection, doing his best not to sound as disappointed as he felt.

Koji only snorted and looked down, his grin fading into a soft smile, features changing into a childlike innocence that seemed familiar with Thane. "You sound like a scorned lover."

Thane turned his face away to hide his thoughts and felt the human move into his personal space, Koji's scent filling his lungs with the aromas of bark and moist leaves. "You smell as if you were in a forest," Thane mused out loud. Turning his face, he tried to conceal his surprise with Koji's proximity.

His face was leaned in, pushed towards Thane, barely a foot between them as the human ran his gaze slowly up and down Thane. Unknown thoughts swirled through his features before a slow smile lit up Koji's face. "Just admit that you missed me."

Heat spread through Thane's frills, and he blinked both sets of eyelids while he kept his composure. "Koji, I-"

"I missed you … Koiishi," Koji interrupted. The mirth fell from his features as the atmosphere around them turned somber, and he pulled away.

The breath caught in Thane's chest, still unsure what Koiishi meant, but the word sounded familiar and meaningful … almost like a lover's word of endearment. With everything being discovered, lies and uncertainties, was what he spent time dwelling on between them at least real? The pull was hard to ignore.

"I missed you, too," Thane admitted on a whisper of breath. He looked away when he felt his chest tighten, embarrassment making him hope it wasn't a wrong response.

Koji smiled again and nodded as if pleased with Thane's reply. Adjusting his position, he put some distance between them. "So, did anything happen while I was gone? Did you regain any more memories?"

Thane immediately thought about his wife and what he discovered, the revulsion like a rock ripping apart his insides. "A few memories and … I know Mitchiko has been with another recently."

Koji didn't react, his face remaining blank as if he didn't hear Thane, but when Koji looked at him again, Thane realized Koji already knew.

Thane took a deep breath and released it slowly, understanding of the discovery and Koji's lack of response, giving him an odd sense of peace. "How long?"

"Did she admit it to you or … you smelled it on her."

It wasn't a question. It was a stated observation. Koji knew about his sense of smell. He knew about Mitchiko. Knew Thane would find out easily, too. What else did Koji know about him? Of his life? What else was he keeping quiet about?

 _There's another drell here._

"I smelled it on her skin. Tell me, is there another dre-"

"Tell me you remembered something. Anything at all." Koji cut him off, turning toward him.

Koji's voice seemed desperate and caused Thane pause. Disappointment in himself shadowed his thoughts. Thane felt as if he didn't want to cause Koji any displeasure. After a few moments of silence, he closed his eyes and tried to think back on the small flashes that had come to him over the last few days.

"You had terrible balance when we were young, always pulling me into the river when we trained. You got us lost in the mountains, too … for three days - made it a point not to listen to my directions. You were also scared of my neighbor's cat."

Koji laughed and covered his mouth, as if catching himself from releasing the loud, boisterous sound. "I completely forgot about that. Takeshi hated me, scratched me every time I got near him."

"You hit him with a blunted shuriken," Thane pointed out.

"He shouldn't have jumped in front of us when we were practicing." Koji shrugged but continued to chuckle deeply.

They slipped into silence, and Thane noticed the soft way Koji stared blankly at the floor, but laced his expression with something else. Sadness? Regret? Was he thinking back on the memories of them, too? What else had they experienced together that Thane couldn't recall yet?

"Koji …why are you the only one I seem to feel comfortable with? The only one I feel something for?"

Lifting his gaze, the human studied his face as if trying to find something before asking, "Feel something? I hope it's not bad. You're going to hurt my feelings."

Thane chuckled and looked down, shaking his head in denial. It wasn't bad but peaceful and filled with so much more than he knew how to comprehend. Was it because of their shared childhood? That simple connection to the past? Or was there something more as he was starting to suspect?

"Nero, would you come with me for a sec? I want to tell you something, but not here."

"Of course." Thane dipped his head automatically, waiting for Koji to lead the way to wherever he wanted to take Thane.

Leaving the docking bay, they turned down several hallways. Deserted corridors greeted them everywhere they went, until they reached a door at the end of an alcove. He knew he had been there before, but the pull of the feeling left Thane empty and unable to place the recollection.

Opening the door, Koji moved to the side and let him pass. Taking a few steps in, he glanced around to the left and scanned the area. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. A simple storage unit, supplies and rows of boxes piled floor to ceiling upon shelves. Why did Koji bring him there? What did Koji need to tell him?

He felt his partner come up behind him, heard the duffel bag hit the floor, caught the weight of Koji's footsteps as Thane turned ready to ask him why he'd been brought there … but Koji's hand on his shoulder, spinning him around, halted any and all other thought.

Thane's back hit the metal paneling, the cold surface pressing into his back. His muscles tightened on reflex while his brain churned with all the ways he'd be able to disarm the man or strike back if needed. He forced himself to relax, blinking rapidly to chase away his instincts, Koji's intense gaze freezing him in place.

"What-?" Thane started to ask, but before the words could leave his lips, Koji's warm mouth covered his, tongue sliding past his lips.

* * *

 _Sarah woke him in the middle of the night cycle, her heavy breaths and groans stirred him from deep sleep as her distress grew in intensity. She jumped up in alarm when he ran his fingers through her hair, trying to console her. He wished he could ward off whatever pulled her into her torment. Nightmares he'd never be able to reach her in. He just hoped they weren't of him like she confessed several times before._

 _She blinked at him in wide-eyed horror, green irises slowly clearing into wakefulness. Kolyat did his best to untangle her from the bedsheets, guiding her against his chest to give her some time to sort through the cobwebs of reality and dreams. He wouldn't ask, he knew better. When, or if, she was ready to share, then he would take her burden. This time though, her desperation won over._

 _He didn't say anything as she pushed against him, her hands ushering him down. Her kisses were frantic on his skin, shooting fire to his soul. He cupped her face in his palms, doing his best to wipe away the tears of her fading despair as she moved against him._

 _Kolyat let Shepard do as she pleased, allowing her to take control. Trailing down his body, she tasted him, causing his blood to boil. Her touches and the heat of her mouth kept him enthralled until he finished on her tongue. He pulled her up to him then, mouth crashing over hers, tasting himself on her swollen lips. He slipped the white tank top over her head, her underwear down her legs. He tried to guide her back, more than willing to push her to the brink, but instead she firmly held her knees to his waist, her demand, guiding him once more to his back._

 _The look in her eyes when she stared down at him, legs straddled his waist, lost to the throes of passion, made him almost forget himself. He wanted to ask for claim right then and there. He knew he was completely lost in her … and the raw emotion so profound on her features made him believe…._

 _She was lost in him just the same._

 _Tu'fira._

 _The moment was theirs._

Kolyat pulled himself from his thoughts. His attention drowned in the reddish liquid of his tea, before his eyes wandered back over to Lukas across the table from him. Picking up a french fry, Lukas swirled it around in a bowl of sauce he had put together for himself at the table, mayonnaise and ketchup, before shoving them into his mouth, eyes focused on the datapad in front of him.

"I think Ami is going to murder you one day," Kolyat said, Lukas' concentration shifting towards him, instead of the reports. Kolyat could see the strain around the human man's eyes, his forehead creasing with what he knew to be frustration while Lukas tried to assess the information before him.

Someone he knew tried to kill him. It would weigh heavily on anyone's thoughts.

Shifting his gaze between his fries and Kolyat, Lukas smirked before shoving another piece into his mouth. "It'll be worth it. You sure you don't want to try one?"

"No." Kolyat wrinkled his nose and shook his head while he grabbed his own fork and took a bite of his seaweed salad and grilled salmon. "I like my arteries clear, thank you."

Laughing loudly, Lukas made a show of slathering another piece of fried food in the sauce before shoving it into his mouth and moaned in joy. Completely ignoring the people who started to stare at the next table over, Lukas made sure the next lament was loud and elaborate before he chuckled.

Kolyat grinned as he made eye contact with the people behind Lukas. "Sorry, he doesn't know how to behave."

The couples around them turned back to their conversations, and they both took their time finishing their food. Eventually Lukas sighed after he read the report and pushed it away, across the table for Kolyat to take. Kolyat could tell by the look on his partner's face that the news was not good.

"What did toxicology say?"

"What do you think they said?" Lukas returned, picking up another fry and continued to eat, gaze falling onto his food.

Kolyat sighed and glanced around Forbidden Fruit, the memories of the day before danced around on the tip of his tongue, threatening to break free. "How long was he using for?"

"Not long." Lukas grimaced. "A few months at the very most. Last night's count was dangerously high, though. Mixed with the alcohol … he was a bomb waiting to happen."

Kolyat nodded as he listened, remembering how Joel had erupted into quick violence. His normal, calm disposition broke as the night wore on. What would make him use though, and out of all the drugs, why blue krystal?

"He doesn't seem like the type," Kolyat mused, dropping his attention into the dark reddish liquid of his tea, wondering what led Joel towards that kind of choice and risk.

"Yeah, it surprised me, too. He's lucky it didn't kill him." Lukas scratched his beard as his eyes shifted around the café. Lukas' shoulders fell while he released an exasperated huff of air, and Kolyat assessed the disappointment clear in his expression. "He has a gambling problem. In case you haven't already figured that out."

"So … what? Are you trying to connect the two somehow? Gambling influenced his drug use?"

Lukas shook his head and took a sip from his coffee cup. Different thoughts falling over his features which Kolyat couldn't discern from while Lukas turned the idea over in his head. Eventually, he ran a hand through his hair and leaned back in the chair. "I don't know. Maybe. I just … you saw his face at the end, didn't you? That wasn't a heat of the moment loss of control. That was a conscientious decision to kill me after he realized what he was doing."

Kolyat nodded in solemn contemplation, wondering what could go through someone's head when they made a decision to hurt people they cared about. "What if…." Kolyat started, his father and childhood rushing to the forefront of his mind. "What if he didn't have a choice?"

"Like he was forced to use? Forced to gamble?" Lukas answered dismissively, his nose wrinkling in disgust. "No one forces you to make decisions like that. There's always an alternative. Ways to get help. How the fuck could he do that to Beth, you know?" He shook his head, picking up another fry he dipped it into his sauce and let it hang in his grasp. "What the fuck did I do to him? I was at his wedding for Christ's sake. I knew he could be an asshole at times but … I just don't understand."

Lukas was distracted while he continued to eat, and Kolyat sat in silence, allowing him some time to sort through his emotions and thoughts. Betrayal was never easy. Even as they sat there, Joel was already in the process of losing his badge, suspended without pay until further notice.

Lukas' omnitool suddenly beeped. "It's HQ," the human said quickly, dropping his food and opening the channel for the both of them to hear. The dispatcher alerted them to a crime scene they were getting routed to.

* * *

Lukas and Kolyat were the first detectives to arrive at the scene. Small patches of officers stood outside the warehouse in a semicircle, most likely discussing how they wanted to approach the building. Getting out of the car, Kolyat stayed right at Lukas' side taking everything in, waiting for any instruction or guidance his partner would give – never experiencing this scenario yet.

His first hostage call.

"What's the situation?" Lukas asked the circle of turian and human officers who all glanced towards them.

The small gathered crowd adjusted their positions as Lukas spoke, standing up taller as their eyes ran over Lukas and Kolyat's badges hanging around their necks. Were they the commanding officers on scene?

"One hostage, a human child," a turian officer said. Holding up his omnitool he glanced through the data on the screen before looking back at them. "Marissa Jordan, reported missing at 1300 yesterday. Father, James Jordan, came home from work to relieve the nanny, but both of them were missing and she wouldn't return his calls."

"Where's the nanny? Has she been found?" Kolyat asked.

"We are still trying to find her, sir."

"Any ID on the perpetrator?" Lukas added the next question in.

The turian officer hit another button and pulled up more information on his omnitool. "He's been identified as Samuel Hodges, thirty-five years of age. Human male, light skin, approximately one hundred and eighty pounds, five-foot-seven. Black hair. He's armed with a pistol."

"And I take it he wants money and a safe way out of here?" Lukas sighed, placing his hands on his hips while he glanced towards the warehouse.

"They always do, sir," the turian officer responded. Closing his omnitool he kept a straight face and waited for orders.

Kolyat stared at the ground while he processed the information. The scenario sat strangely in the pit of his stomach, a quick sense of dread before he pushed it away. Shouldn't there be two hostages if money was the goal … unless the nanny was involved? Or maybe she was dead?

"You got something?" Lukas asked, looking towards him in curiosity.

"The nanny…." Kolyat started, looking toward the officers. "The nanny is involved, unless he killed her. Check to see if there's any relation between Hodges and the caregiver. Maybe she passed the child off to Hodges. Check the transport data, it's been…" Kolyat checked his omnitool for the time. "... twenty-five hours since she's been reported missing – longer if she was taken as soon as her father went to work. That's plenty of time to pack and flee."

"Marion Moore. We got a warrant to enter her apartment, but no one was home," a human officer spoke up this time.

"Did you check if her clothes were there?" Lukas' question came out sharp and disapproving. The officers glanced at each other, and they both already knew the answer.  
Lukas shook his head. "Call it in. Check the apartment again. Check the travel logs."

"Call for backup - get snipers ready," Kolyat added absently, the memory of Tallid's scenario threatened to break free.

 _I'm walking out of here, he's coming with me._

 _They'll have snipers outside._

Lukas glanced at him in approval before saying, "You have your orders. Kolyat and I will see if we can negotiate in the meantime – make sure his demands are clear."

* * *

Lukas was someone Kolyat could definitely look up to and learn from. Within fifteen minutes, the human not only talked Hodges down but had him agreeing to release Marissa into their custody, as long as they agreed to follow up on his terms; a full pardon for his aunt, Marion Moore, who was involved and sitting in the transport station like Kolyat figured, and assistance to his family in the lower wards, who were on the verge of starvation.

Surprisingly, Lukas even encouraged Kolyat to interact with Hodges. Both laying down their visible weapons and spoke to him like he was a longtime friend. At one point, Hodges even asked 'what the fuck kind of species is he?' to which Lukas joked, telling Hodges not to take Kolyat to any parties because he would end up stealing all the women.

All in all, the situation was going better than Kolyat could ever hope. Lukas talked circles around the perpetrator and got him to agree to almost everything that was thrown at him. Marissa, of course, was terrified. A long-haired girl with the color Sarah had described on another as strawberry blond. Her gray eyes were wide and pleading, tears streamed down her face as the man continued to press his pistol to her neck. He pushed her forward, keeping himself out of sight.

Eventually Hodges let her go, and it was Kolyat who the girl immediately ran to in terror and relief. Bending down Kolyat hugged her to him, her hands grasping around his waist tightly as she buried her face into his stomach.

"See, he always gets the chicks." Lukas snorted, tilting his chin to indicate for Kolyat to take Marissa away.

A slammed door above them brought all of their attentions to the catwalk. Kolyat felt as if time froze. His gaze switched to Hodges, who peeked out from behind his hiding spot, eyes above them. Hodges face changed as officers unexpectedly swarmed in on the walkway. The human man swung towards Kolyat and raised his gun without hesitation, the look of hatred and betrayal on Hodge's expression alerting Kolyat to the worst case scenario.

Kolyat was surprised too, but he had no time to question.

Dislodging Marissa from himself, he pushed her with all of his strength, until she went flying backwards, skidding across the ground away from him. He heard her scream in surprise and fear. Her body hit the floor, and shots rang out loud and clear. It took a moment for Kolyat to register everything. Something hard hit his chest and pushed him backwards, stumbling a few steps. Heat exploded like the fires of hell in his gullet. Pain he never experienced before as lighting strikes ripped through him, left him dazed and confused … and suddenly, he couldn't breathe. White seared his vision.

More shots erupted behind him, but whatever hit him, sent him crashing to the floor. The agony was surreal, and he blinked several times to try and fight through the pain and catch his bearings as his thoughts fled him. He tried to take a deep breath, his chest burning with the desperation to find air, a powerful, moist cough escaped his throat, and he started to choke, his windpipe seizing, no longer willing to work.

Lukas appeared above him, shouting something he couldn't understand because his heartbeat pounded within his ears and panic flooded his mind while he struggled for breath. His partner jumped on him, hands pushing down on his chest, more pain causing tears to spring from his eyes, body starting to tremble and spasm in retaliation … and he dared look down. Lukas' hands pressed into Kolyat's upper chest, blood flowing over his fingers, and Kolyat had the distinct feeling of his body turning cold.

Kolyat felt all the hope of tomorrow leave him.

He was dying. There was no doubt about it.

Nothing but darkness sweeping over him.


	29. Chapter 29

"Aww, look at this one!" Ami cooed, pulling an outfit off the nearest rack and showed it to Mira and Shepard. Grabbing the miniature leg, she kicked out one of the attached booties. "Isn't this adorable? It even has a tail!"

"Is that an Earth animal?" Mira asked, head tilted to the side as she eyed the green outfit.

Ami wagged the tail with orange spikes, and pushed the hood forward to reveal the consistency up the back. "It's supposed to be a dinosaur. It's so cute!" Ami continued to gush, wagging the tail again in clear delight.

Shepard chuckled and turned towards Mira. "It's an animal that lived on Earth before humans. They're extinct now. We only have records of their existence through fossils."

"Interesting," Mira responded. "Similar on Rakhana. We had animals that resembled something like your dinosaurs. Now, also extinct." Turning toward Ami she added, "Is this the sort of thing you are interested in making?"

Ami laid the outfit on the rack and took a picture with her omnitool before putting it back. "Nah, just messing around. I'm looking for something more practical to start off with. The dresses and little corduroy outfits we saw earlier gave me some good ideas." Closing her picture gallery, Ami looked up at the other two women. "I think I got a good amount today, but don't assume I won't buy the outfit for your baby, Mira. Tell me it's not cute!"

Mira giggled and smiled. "Perhaps a different color. Depending on the baby's scales, green might not work."

"Are you planning on finding out the sex of the baby? Or are you going to let it be a surprise?"

Mira purred thoughtfully before answering Ami. "Taran wants to know. He's already trying to find a color scheme for the babies room. Already looking at jewelry from the shop. He's very eager."

"He should be!" Ami raised her voice in excitement. "You said you guys have been planning this for awhile."

"When will you find out?" Shepard asked, remaining silent until then.

"A few more weeks. Not soon enough, according to my _haru_." Mira shook her head in exasperation.

"Men are impatient, worse than babies. He's only going to get awful if he hangs out with Lukas. You've been warned." Ami chuckled, her omnitool beeped with an incoming message and caught her attention for a second before she continued, "I just hope Taran's not put off by what happened the other day. I promise you that's not a normal occurrence."

"Kolyat and Lukas reassured us, too." Mira dipped her head. "They are planning another night to see one another, but just the three of them."

"Look at our boys all bonding and stuff. Adorable. Like babies!" Ami pulled another outfit from a rack on her other side, a yellow dress with white lace trimming and bows around the collar. After taking another picture she placed it back and turned toward them. "Did you see anything you liked, Mira?"

"A few things, yes."

"Did you make a list or take pictures?" Ami lowered her voice thoughtfully, as if trying to recall Mira opening her omnitool.

"Drells have eidetic memories, they can also use external stimulus to recall memories and relive a moment. Mira will be able to find every single outfit, without faltering, as long as the merchandise isn't moved." Shepard spoke up towards Ami. The look of amazement on the woman's face hinted to Shepard that Ami was not well informed of Mira's species.

Ami remained silent for several seconds, gaze far away as if she was thinking about something before her eyes drifted back towards them, and a coy grin planted itself on her lips, eyes half hooded. "I just took that to the dirtiest place possible."

Mira snorted and covered her mouth with her fingertips while Shepard returned the human woman's grin.

"It can come in handy for many things." Shepard continued to smirk. Mira's eyes falling back on her.

Taking a step into them, Ami lowered her voice. "Please tell me your men replayed, like, your dirtiest sex back to you. You know how hot that would be?"

Mira bit her bottom lip and dropped her head, frills blazed a dark pink while she remained quiet but nodded demurely.

Shepard, on the other hand, laughed in devilish amusement. "It's the equivalent of watching porn or listening to someone read you one of those fornax short stories."

Ami returned her impish laugh and clicked her tongue. Shaking her head she made a sound that was close to 'aw shucks' but kept her frisky spirit. "I should of dated a drell, or at least fucked one. Too bad your species is so scarce, but it's fine. Lukas is mine, and there is no way in hell I am letting that man go anywhere, and he knows it."

Shepard narrowed her eyes at Ami in fondness. She really liked her wild spirit and no apologies attitude. She was a woman who knew what she wanted, and went for it. She also made damn well sure to tell you exactly how she felt about it, too. Ami's omitool beeped again and that time the woman sucked her teeth and shook her head, clearly aggravated.

"Is everything alright?" Mira asked, her voice laced with concern.

"Yeah, sorry. I have to go. It's from one of my seamstresses, she's in panic mode."

"Don't worry about it, we can reschedule lunch anytime," Shepard reassured, catching Mira's attention who smiled and nodded in enthusiasm towards Ami.

"Thanks, I'm so sorry. I'll message you both tonight, ok?" Taking a step towards Mira, Ami hugged her gently before turning to Shepard and doing the same. After a wave and another turn, she made her way out of the store.

"Mira, can I ask you for your help with something?" Shepard asked quietly. Placing her coffee cup down on the table, she bit her lower lip as anxiety trickled through her insides. She was a little nervous about what Kolyat had planned for her tomorrow night.

Her decision was already made, whatever he had planned, she would make sure to find an opportunity to tell Kolyat how she felt - wanting to express her love and get an opportunity to discuss their future together. To her dismay, Shepard would need to force herself not to give into screaming his name in pleasure for at least the first hour or so.

 _Maybe forty-five minutes._

 _No … damn, at least an hour._

 _Unless he gives me a new model ship, then all bets are off._

"Of course." Mira dipped her head, eyes sparkling in excitement, and her words pulled Shepard from her racy thoughts. "Is it something outrageous? Perhaps scandalous? Do you need me to punch someone in the face? Just don't tell Taran."

Raising her eyebrows, Shepard laughed but shook her head and sighed dramatically. "Unfortunately, nothing so exciting. I just need your help with finding a word."

"A word? What do you mean?" The woman stared at Shepard, clearly perplexed, dropping her fork down on the edge of her plate, she waited patiently for Shepard to continue.

"Kolyat planned something special for me tomorrow, and I wanted a name … something I can say, or call him. A word of endearment."

A slow smile quirked the corner of Mira's lips, her lavender irises catching the light and shone like amethysts as she looked around as if thinking. "Does Kolyat call you anything?"

" _Kira._ "

"Really?" Mira's eyeridges raised, the smile now brightening her entire face. "You have no idea how pleased I am to hear that." Closing her eyes, she stayed silent for several heartbeats.

Shepard had a feeling Mira was trying to shut out the world and search her memories. Thane did it on several occasions. Sometimes on missions, when he recalled schematics and maps, or memories he wished to share with her. Waiting patiently, Shepard glanced around the small diner they occupied, scanning the crowd like she always did. You never knew when a threat was nearby, or someone trying to sneak a picture of her.

 _Most likely with food in my teeth._

" _Drehan_ ," Mira suddenly said, her eyes open and staring at Shepard with burning intensity. "You should call him _drehan_."

"What does it mean?"

"It means …" Mira looked away as if she tried to pull her words together. "... the translation … hmmm…." Closing her eyes again, she tilted her head down, and that time Shepard noticed the rapid eye movement below her dark lids before she stared back at Shepard again. "Have you told Kolyat that you love him? Forgive my candor, but I do not smell a claim. I know he is in love with you, yet his venom does not course through you, marking you as his. Why?"

 _Wow, just throw it all out there._

Shepard took a sip of her coffee and looked away from Mira, needing a break from the intensity of the other woman's stare. She kept her composure and tried to find the best words to explain herself to Mira. If she wasn't one of Kolyat's best friends, or if Shepard didn't care about having a relationship with her, too, than she would've automatically told the woman to fuck off and storm away.

Even if it was super childish.

But that was the problem and truth of the matter. She did care. She did want Kolyat, and she did want Mira and Taran in her life, too.

"Is it because of Sere Krios? You were in love with Kolyat's father?"

Shepard dropped her gaze into her pasta dish, still half eaten. Her eyes slipped closed as images of Thane pushed straight to the forefront of her mind. Was she that transparent? "Thane …" Shepard started, after she tried to piece together her words. "... I loved Thane, more than anything in existence. When he died … I died." Stones filled her throat and she raised her gaze to meet Mira's. With great effort, Shepard forced the budding emotion of pain back down into the small part of her soul that still remained with the despair of losing Thane.

The lavender drell watched her quietly. Mira's expression softened, most likely to sympathize with the anguish that Shepard knew showed on her face in the moment.

Licking her suddenly dry lips, Shepard continued, "I needed to be sure with Kolyat. I was worried he'd see himself as a replacement for Thane." Grimacing she shook her head and added, "You know Kolyat has been through a lot, and his self image…."

Mira nodded. "Yes, but he has also matured from when he first arrived on the Citadel. Kolyat is better now, and I know you are in part to thank for that. You helped him reconnect. You calmed his soul, and I know you will continue to do so. His _kira._ "

"I love him," Shepard stated, her words silencing Mira. "I wanted to be sure it was Kolyat I was saying it to. I wanted him to know it, too." Shepard swallowed roughly again and pulled in her courage for admittance. "I want him to claim me … and when he does offer it … I want him to know for certain that it's him taking me, and not the memory of Thane. Never the memory of Thane."

Mira blinked both sets of eyelids several times. Her expression unreadable as she stared at Shepard's face. Was she searching for the truth in Shepard's words?

Eventually, Mira smiled and nodded as if pleased with what she found. "My heart beats for you. My life in your hands. That's what _drehan_ means."

Shepard thought about the word and smiled in thanks towards the other woman.

Mira's gaze fell towards her salad plate, emotions flowed over her features, and Shepard waited patiently for her to voice them out loud. Shepard had a feeling Mira was about to tell her something that weighed heavily on her. Soon, Mira squared her shoulders and met Shepard's eyes again, determination shone strong. "I have a confession for you, Sarah, and forgive me if it jeopardizes our new found friendship, but Kolyat is important to me."

"And I'm happy about that," Shepard responded carefully as she tried to push down the sudden warning signs of doom that fluttered in her stomach.

"You must understand, Taran and I love him very much."

"Ok?"

 _What is she getting at?_

Mira's frills rippled, and she sighed. Shepard knew she made a sound beyond her own range of hearing. It was times like those that Shepard hated her human restrictions. If she could've heard Mira's trills, she might've gotten a better idea of what the woman was trying to express.

"Before Kolyat started seeing you … Taran and I discussed asking Kolyat to join us."

"Join you? You mean like _hara'trula'fura_?" Shepard blinked in surprise. Did Mira just admit she wanted to marry Kolyat? Wait, didn't they joke about it when Kolyat and Shepard were on their first, official date?

Mira smiled and nodded. " _Ka'mira_ first, but eventually, if Taran agreed to share as first husband, then yes."

"Oh …" Shepard replied lamely. What else could she say to someone who also cared deeply about a man she loved, too? "I didn't know you felt that kind of way towards him. I …"

 _Fuck, this is awkward._

"Sarah," Mira said, short of chastising, and giggled. Mira's reaction confused her further. "I did not tell you this to bring discomfort between us. I told you this to give you an idea of what Kolyat means to us and honestly how happy I am, from the depths of my heart, that Kolyat has found love and will be loved in return. Someone who will complete him, and he for them." Reaching across the table, Mira placed her hand over Shepard's, raw compassion and truth in her eyes rendering Shepard speechless. "I am so glad he found you."

Shepard smiled and watched the plethora of emotion sweep over Mira's face, her hands pulled back to catch the tears that escaped the corner of her eyes.

"Just make him happy. I beg of you, don't break his heart, because if you do … Taran and I will step in and claim him, and you will _never_ get another chance."

Shepard's jaw dropped from the passion Mira showed towards her, a scoff instinctually leaving her throat. She had to admit, she never expected that kind of conviction from such a normally docile, gentle spoken woman. "Ouch." Shepard flinched before a slow grin pulled at her mouth. "Are you always this scary, or is that the pregnancy talking?"

Mira blinked several times, as if realization was sinking in, before she gasped and covered her mouth with her fingers, an expression close to horror blanketing her features. "Sarah, I'm sorry. I got carried away, I-"

Shepard dropped her head back and laughed in uncontained jubilation, not giving a fuck if people looked at her like she was a maniac. "Don't you dare apologize. I love your fire. I mean, I knew you had it in you, but to see it first hand…." Dropping her face into her palm, it took her several, deep breaths to calm the laughter barreling throughout her chest. She grasped her cup of coffee and smiled coyly at the lavender woman before her. "It actually makes me happy to know you'll hate me if I hurt Kolyat. That you will be there for him if anything …" Shaking her head, Shepard pushed away the thoughts of the bad that could happen and tried to focus only on the good. "I'm going to tell him how I feel, and I want him to be happy, just like you."

Mira smiled and nodded respectfully. Purring in thanks, the emotions that fell over her features were so genuine, Shepard knew no matter what, Kolyat would always have Taran and Mira. Friendship like that was hard to find, and she hoped Kolyat knew how lucky he was.

Shepard's omnitool beeped, breaking the moment, and she glanced down and saw Lukas' number come across her screen. Looking over to Mira, she waved her closer and mouthed that it was Lukas as they bunched together and waited for the screen to appear. Smiling coyly, Shepard placed her chin on her hand and opened the call - most likely, Lukas was checking up on their girl's day out. "Ami's not picking up for you? She just left a short while ago."

Instead of his usual smile, Lukas' gaze was dark and ominous, pain clear in his features. "Sarah …" he started, grimacing before he glanced away in a moment of hesitation.

Mira shifted beside her, a worried purr released from her throat. Shepard took a deep breath while dread gripped her gut like an uninvited guest. Nightmares became a reality just as Lukas' spoke again.

"It's Kolyat." Lukas continued, confirming what Shepard already suspected. "He's … he's been injured."

"Is he alive?" Shepard returned without a heartbeat, everything shutting down around her. The world fading to gray and silence.

Licking his lips, Lukas glanced away and and hesitated as if he caught himself in the midst of a silent breakdown, pain and uncertainty taking over before he looked back at her, forcing himself to blink it away. Shepard could tell he was doing his best to keep himself together, and by Lukas' reaction, whatever happened, wasn't good.

"Huerta Memorial is putting out a call to his emergency contact. He needs blood."

Red streaked Lukas' cheek, and there was more on his palm when he brought his hand up to rub the back of it over his sweaty bangs, hanging loose over his forehead. His white shirt held splotches by the collar, but she couldn't really see how much with the angle of his omnitool. The whole thing began to feel surreal to her, like she was floating away from the situation and glancing in from the outside.

 _Please … please, no. I can't lose him, too._

"Is that Kolyat's blood, or someone else's?"

"I was trying to apply pressure to stop the bleeding."

"Oh, gods …" Mira's voice quivered. "… Taran and I are his emergency contacts," she continued in wide-eyed panic, her omnitool rang not a second later. They both glanced down, Taran's name lighting up Mira's screen, the prompt like an impending attack. Moving away from Shepard, Mira opened the call, and Taran's frantic voice filled the line.

Looking back at Lukas, Shepard steeled her nerves. "We're headed there now."

"Wait …" Lukas stopped her from ending the call. "… he's going to need more blood, he didn't bank enough yet, and the emergency contact won't be enough."

"Fuck. How badly was he hurt?" Shepard asked through gritted teeth, her other hand wrapped around the edge of the table, knuckles turning white, the only thing to keep herself from losing her equilibrium in the moment. The dread that lanced through her stomach threatened to sink her soul into the floor.

"Sarah …" Lukas' dark gaze held her rooted to the spot. "… put out a call. If you know anyone else that can give blood, get them here as soon as possible … his life depends on it."

* * *

Thane stood frozen for a several heartbeats, his instincts reacting more than his brain, body tensing in uncertainty. Koji's tongue swept against his, and a familiar taste filled Thane's mouth. Comfort and sensuality mixed together, a distant voice, and the brush of a memory. Thane knew the taste, and it only intensified when Koji stepped into him and deepened the intrusion.

A quiet moan vibrated over Thane's tongue. His? Koji's? Thane wasn't sure, but the sensation brought heat to his body and an automatic response of his eyes to slipping closed. He allowed himself to ease beneath Koji's actions.

Thane brought his hands up and rested them on the man's shoulders, hard, coiled muscles strong beneath his palms. Another soft moan, that time from Koji, left Thane trying to decide whether to give into Koji's tempting or push him away. Another sweep of Koji's tongue gave the human a chance to swallow an unexpected moan that purred from Thane's throat. The unleashed reaction surprised even himself, and Thane released a frustrated gasp just as Koji started a fresh wave of strokes.

Still not ready to push the blond human away, Thane tried his best to pinpoint a hum that resonated in the back of his skull. The taste was so familiar, yet foreign, and Thane fought against the contradictory feelings as he tried to make up his mind. The submission of his body's want, or the truth of his missing memories that made it feel wrong.

 _Or right._

 _No. Wrong…._

 _Maybe right?_

Koji pulled away just enough to trail kisses from the side of Thane's mouth to his frills. Holding him close, one of Koji's hands slipped to the dip of his back, pulling them flush against one another. The other hand curved around the back of his neck, urging him to tilt his head, granting Koji access to the ribbing of his throat. Hot moisture slid over a sensitive frill, and Thane grit his teeth to stifle the groan that escaped.

"God, I missed you so fucking much." Koji exhaled on a moan, cradling Thane's body. He covered Thane's mouth again, silencing a chance for a response. His hand slipped below the edge of Thane's cotton shirt, fingers spread wide over his skin and explored the scales of his spine, pulling the material with the movement.

There was a comfort with the human's touch, his body, his kiss, and the room. They'd been there before, doing exactly what unfurled in the moment. As Koji had led him through the halls, knowledge sprang to life in Thane's mind, an awareness that there were no cameras or sensors to detect their presence. They'd walked the path countless times before.

Thane tilted his head back and gave Koji silent permission, the human's obvious arousal captured between them, digging into the front of Thane's upper thigh, his own on the verge of full bloom. Pulling back, Koji scraped his teeth over Thane's cheek, forcing a hiss of excitement from his chest. They became a tangling mass of hands and kisses while Thane grew bolder, grasping Koji's hair beneath the palm of his hand just as the human's tongue dipped beneath an oversensitive fold.

"Koji …" Thane tried to speak, his mind raced with bewilderment. His body wanted to keep going, but reality sank its poison filled claws into the situation. "Mitchiko."

"Fuck, Mitchiko." Koji spat, apparent frustration at the mention of the woman took over his expression. "Well, don't fuck Mitchiko. You never have anyway. Only me." Koji moved in to kiss him again, but Thane tightened his hold on the human's hair, preventing him from claiming Thane's lips again. "Ow." Koji grimaced in pain. "Easy."

"I don't understand." Thane narrowed his eyes as he swept his gaze over Koji's, hoping in vain for memories to come, searching the man's expression for the truth of Koji's words. Wasn't Mitchiko his wife?

There was no deceit as Koji stared back at him, gaze softened. "I know you're still having a hard time grasping everything around you, but you'll realize soon enough." His fingers came up to Thane's face, the palm of Koji's hands resting on his cheeks, eyes searching. "I know you're going to find yourself, Shun. I know you're going to come back to me."

"Shun?" Thane asked, the name familiar but just out of reach of recollection.

Koji smirked, and his face lit up playfully. "Your middle name, but it's not registered here. I was the only one who called you that. Does it ring a bell for you?" His voice was hopeful, eyes widened as if he was hanging on for Thane's answer.

Thane let his gaze drop, releasing his hold upon Koji's yellow locks, trying to search his recollections. _Shun. He always called me Shun_. "Yes," Thane admitted.

Closing his eyes, Thane let the word wash over himself. Koji's voice saying the name again, and the sound of it, filled in missing pieces of his memories. A fire igniting. One of Koji's hands curved beneath his jaw and angled Thane's face up, the tip of his hot tongue snaked out and traced over the base of his throat again, freezing Thane's train of thought.

A whisper of breath blew over his frills as Koji asked, "What about koiishi? Do you remember that?" His other hand trailed down Thane's chest as he spoke, over Thane's abdomen and lower, hand slipping below the waistband of his cotton pants.

Thane gasped in disorientation, the situation spiraling out of control just as Koji stroked him, cupping him in the palm of his hand, a shudder of pleasure shot over every nerve ending. "Koji, wait," Thane choked out, grabbing the man's wrist at his groin. His mind raced with so many thoughts, memories, and feelings, leaving him to grasp wildly at anything to give him an idea of the meaning for koiishi. Why he was allowing Koji to get so far with him?

Koji chuckled and licked his throat again before he bit the juncture of Thane's neck and shoulder in wanton indication. Koji knew exactly every spot to touch to bring him pleasure. "Please … say something. Anything to let me know you remember us."

 _Koiishi…._

 _Hotaru…._

" _Watashi no hotaru_ ," Thane replied automatically, the words leaving his mouth before he could stop them. Opening his eyes, Thane stared at the ceiling.

Koji's hands fell limp against him and Thane released his hold, letting the man take a step away. The human put distance between them, and with it, an empty void around Thane, already missing Koji's touch.

Koji's eyes were wide, eyebrows raised high, his mouth slightly ajar as Thane dropped his gaze to the man before him. Something like relief fell over the human's expression and Koji raised his arms and embraced Thane roughly. Almost as if he was the only thing that mattered to Koji. The movement was so sudden, Thane barely had a chance to hug him back.

"Look at me." Koji yanked himself away, his deep brown eyes hardened as he grabbed Thane's cheeks once more, peering into his face. "Say it again," Koji demanded. "I want to make sure I heard you correctly."

Thane was confused by his desperation. Was Koji that worried about him not regaining the memories back? Placing his hands over Koji's, Thane said the words again.

A wide smile took over Koji's expression, his eyes filled with tears, a sob escaped his throat. "I thought I would never hear that again."

Overwhelming emotion ripped through Thane's chest, and he moved his hands from Koji's, letting them fall to the man's sternum. The pounding of the human's heart beneath the palm of his hand gave more evidence of the sincerity and truth of Koji's words. What he felt for the human in return, real and within his grasp. "I'm sorry," Thane apologized. "I didn't realize … I didn't intend to cause you so much pain. Why didn't you say anything? Why did you let me think that Mitchiko-"

Koji shook his head violently and licked his lips. "She's not! You're not married to her. Don't even mention her right now. I don't give a shit about that woman, or what she wants … I promise I'll explain everything, but right now … this is about us. I just…." Koji rested his hands on Thane's shoulders and leaned into him, dropping his head down to hang from his neck. He shook his head in denial a few more times, and Thane thought it was an attempt to try and find his words. Thane released a breath of relief with everything Koji just told him, as he tried to piece together what he could.

He wasn't married to Mitchiko, but was in a relationship with Koji.

Thane closed his eyes as quick flashes filled his thoughts, image after image before he opened them again. His childhood, koku-shi, Koji, Cerberus….

 _Years … we've been together for years..._

" _Hotaru,_ " Thane said softly.

Koji picked his head back up to look at Thane. Need flooded Koji's expression so profoundly, the emotion couldn't be interpreted as anything else. "I just need to feel you again, Shun. I've missed you so much."

"I … I missed you, too," Thane responded, his heart skipping a beat at the depths of pure emotion Koji showed towards him.

Koji's gaze turned fathomless, and Thane nodded in acceptance, wanting nothing more than to ease the look of torment on his lover's face.

Thane kissed him softly, a gentle sweep of lips and tongue, of taste and touch, remembrance and new discovery, all balled into one. Koji's body pressed against his, and slowly they became nothing but perception and touch. Sounds and emotion. A new memory being made.

 _Watashi no hotaru…_

 _My firefly._

* * *

Kolyat stared down at the ground. Cool, gentle waves, lapped at his bare feet. The edges of his white linen pants just grazed the waters as they pulled back and forth into the ocean. He shifted, and his feet sunk further. Hot sand, perfect and soft, barely moist from the currents touch. He glanced up and looked out towards the sea. The horizon stretched endlessly, and the scorching sun wrapped around him like the soft cocoon of your favorite blanket you never wanted to leave the depths of.

He closed his eyes and tilted his head up, basking in the feel of the blazing, invisible hands on his scales, nothing but tranquility surrounded him. Wherever he was, he felt free and at peace. Not a single thought in his mind, other than the moment and the feeling of belonging.

"You have become so handsome and strong," a voice spoke from behind him, pulling him from the moment of serenity.

Kolyat glanced back, shifting on his feet, the sand moving comfortably beneath him. A figure stood several yards away, a yellow and gold toned drell woman with sunset colored eyes, wearing a gold dress, more see-through than solid. He stared at her in curiosity, ready to ask who she was, until the weight of the memory hit him like a falling building.

He gasped and turned towards her, tears filled his eyes while he took a shaky step forward. The woman smiled, her own tears falling from her eyes as she stared back at him, unmoving.

Kolyat ran to her like a lightning storm.

"Mother," Kolyat keened. He wrapped her in his arms tightly, scared she would slip away like a dream. Burying his face into her neck, the smell of her was exactly how he remembered - her soft venom and the smell of her favorite flower. Tears streamed down his cheeks, and Irikah held his face in her palms, ushering him to step back to look down at her.

"You're beautiful, Kolyat. So tall, like your father," she purred, looking over him.

 _Father_.

"Where is, Father?" Kolyat started to look around, the empty sand stretching for miles behind them, nothing else in sight. Shouldn't he be there, too?

"Look at me, my son," Irikah said, grasping his face harder, forcing him to look down at her. "I'm so sorry I had to leave you."

"What? I'm the one who should be apologizing. I failed you. Father failed you. If I'd only been older, braver-" Kolyat shook his head violently, too many words he wanted to say spilling out at the same time. "-I could've-"

"Stop."

"But-"

"No." Irikah shook her head, strengthening her hold to prevent Kolyat from looking away. "You have never failed me. I am … so proud." She stressed her words before smiling, almost sadly. "Thane never failed me. I chose my life. Just like he chose his. He failed you, Kolyat … but he will make up for it."

Kolyat stared at her in wonder, and her hands fell from his face, eyes blazing past him towards the waters. He wanted to question her words, but his voice froze in his throat as a sinking feeling took root in the pit of his stomach. He wanted to see his father, too. Why wasn't he there with them? Why did he feel as if he was forgetting something?

Shifting his stance, Kolyat felt something sharp brush against the side of his foot, a sparkle capturing his attention, and he glanced down to see what caught the shine of the sun. Irikah moved away from him, walking towards the water's edge, leaving him with his focus enthralled by the object beside him. Bending down, he placed his hand in the sand, grains falling through his fingers as he grabbed his prize.

Clutching the small stone between his fingertips, Kolyat held it up in the sunlight, green tones igniting the jewel into the brightest greens he'd ever beheld. The swirling hues struck everything within him, and nothing could tear his gaze away … something … sharp and meaningful … pulled at him….

 _Sarah….  
_  
Kolyat gasped and clutched the stone, allowing it to fall into his closed fist. He glanced around frantically as the red-headed human rushed into his head like a raging elcor. Where was Shepard? Where was he? Memories overwhelmed him, and Kolyat reached his other hand up to clutch at his chest, his palm running over the fabric of his sleeveless white linen shirt absently.

How did he end up there? He closed his eyes and tried to focus, forcing himself to remember. He was in a storage facility, Marissa, Hodges pulled his gun, loud eruptions of gunfire, and Lukas holding his chest as blood soaked his hands.

He'd been shot.

"Oh, gods," Kolyat groaned, looking around again in dismay as despair filled his heart. Was he at Kalahira's Shore? Did he die? "No. No. No." Kolyat fell to his knees and dropped the stone. He covered his ears and shook his head in denial, a sob wretched from his throat in realization.

He'd promised her. He swore he'd never leave her. She'd already been through so much. Kolyat wanted to hear Sarah admit that she loved him. He wanted to start planning a future with her.

He wanted...

"Kolyat," Irikah called. His name bringing his attention to her.

He turned on his knees and looked over towards the water's edge, the sparkling calm waters turned harsh and crashed their waves against one another. Rising to his feet, Kolyat approached Irikah, her gaze fixated upon the skies, clouds started to darken overhead. He stared at her in determination, the atmosphere beginning to match the turbulence in his heart.

"I can't stay here," Kolyat stated. "I need to get back. Tell me I can go back! This can't be it!"

Irikah smiled sadly and turned her face towards him. "Your window is closing. Disconnection cannot remain much longer. Make your choice, but make it now."

Lightning cracked overhead, ripping Kolyat's attention toward the sky, black streaks like angry vines threading through the heavens above. He looked back down at his mother, the woman who he'd wanted to see again more than anyone in his life … suddenly felt miniscule to the pull of where his heart currently laid. Irikah smiled serenely, as if she was holding a secret she wasn't willing to share, eyes made of sunsets and rising dawns, safety and childhood dreams.

But he was a child no longer.

"It's a mother's duty to know when to let her son go. I look forward to the day I meet the woman who has taken both of your souls."

"Mother…." Kolyat trilled in remorse, his gaze pulled back to the turbulent waters.

"Live well, my son," Irikah purred, her words barely heard as Kolyat turned and bolted into the waves.


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

Thane dreamt of running, flashes of red and the overpowering stench of heatsinks. There were raised voices, and a sense of fear and bewilderment. He discovered a secret, something important but fading as it drifted out of reach, scents and sounds trailing up in billows of smoke. The taste of ash filled his mouth and he was in pain, blood soaked through his fingers from a wound, and no recollection of how he received it.

He needed to get away. He needed to tell Koji ... he glanced at himself in the passing glass, but the reflection felt wrong. A dead end. Thane turned in panic as the heavy footfalls of boots approached.

And then he was somewhere else.

His lungs filled with serenity as he stared at a woman who stood before him.

"You ready to go?" The human asked, glancing over her shoulder towards him. Her green eyes sparkling in the artificial moonlight, cast through half parted drapes. She turned and took a step towards him, dropping her hands from her ear as she finished inserting her missing earring.

She was a vision of beauty, confidence and silent strength, emitting from her in invisible waves, felt more than seen. He knew this woman. Touched her soul in the most intimate way. Even from where he sat, he could smell his claim strong within her.

She was his.

"Siha," he started, voice faltering momentarily. "I fear I would be lying if I said I wanted to share you tonight."

"Share me? What kind of party do you think it is? Trust me, I'm not leaving with anyone but you," she chuckled. Her throaty voice filled with a seductive purr.

"That's not…." Thane swallowed thickly and dropped his gaze. He knew tonight was another night of rejoicing, remembering those they'd lost and celebrating those who lived. He just wanted a night of solace for himself. They were alive. They were together.

For however long he had left.

"Thane," she said, bringing his attention back to her.

He leaned back against the couch and took her all in as she moved closer, stopping right before the low coffee table that separated them. Her gaze ran over him and she smirked with a heat he knew was meant to entice. Bending down, she grabbed the side of her long skirt and swept the material back, opening the long slit at her side in order to move her leg forward without restraint.

Thane watched her carefully, curious by her actions, until she pushed her knee forward and placed her hands down to steady herself. Her eyes shone with seduction and need, an expression that made his body burn in desire whenever she looked at him like that. Crawling toward him, her eyes fell to the surface of the tabletop, her movement faltering as if she was assessing the stability of the furniture.

"You won't fall," Thane whispered. He pushed himself to the edge of the couch and fell to his knees before her, hands gliding over the polished wood, adding his weight upon it. "I will make sure of it."

The woman smiled and rose up on her knees before him, leaving him with the need to tilt his head back to stare up at her. "I don't know ... I think I fell pretty hard already." She smiled seductively, her soft fingertips brushing over the frills of his neck, urging him up to meet her mouth.

Thane invited her kiss, her mouth blooming like the new petals of a flower, soft and supple. "Siha ... let me worship you tonight."

He pulled away, and the smile that radiated on her lips left his heart pulsating with nothing but her aura. He felt unworthy to feel such passion directed back at him, through eyes so green he doubted the brightest gem in the universe would ever compare.

"Stay on your knees for me, Thane. Tonight ... tonight you're going to chant my name until all you taste is my soul on your tongue."

* * *

Thane woke as the sounds of running water turned off, his gaze drifting towards the entryway of the bathroom. Koji left the door open, and Thane could faintly hear the sounds of the exhaust unit running. He wondered if Koji turned it on to disperse the steam from the shower - being considerate of the moisture in the air.

He heard and sensed the man's movements in the other room, the soft pads of his feet making contact with the tiled floor as he came back into the bedroom. Their eyes met as Koji appeared in the doorway, nothing but a black towel around his waist. Thane's gaze tracked a droplet of water that fell like a tear from the man's shoulder, over his chiseled, lean chest, and lower over sculpted abs. The memory of what it felt like to taste and touch Koji's skin, a breath from escaping his lips.

Koji grinned, as if he knew what Thane was thinking, and took a few steps forward, his hands vigorously rubbing a towel through his wet locks, making the tresses fly around wildly. "How long have you been awake?" he asked, throwing the towel he used for his hair on the chair beside the end table and bed. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, Thane shifted and rolled onto his back to give the man more space.

Thane lifted his head off the pillows and glanced at the far wall past the foot of the bed, noticing the time was well past their morning training session. "A few moments, but I fear we overslept."

Koji twisted his body and leaned over him, a hand resting on his bare chest while Koji's weight shifted, urging him to stay where he was. Mischief was easily recognizable in the human's eyes as he stared down at Thane and smiled with simmering heat. "If I leave soon, I can just tell our superiors I needed extra time to debrief you."

"Hm, and how is that going to work?" Thane purred, his hand rising to rest upon Koji's cheek, a slight roughness brushing the scales on his palm from the fresh appearing stubble. "You took my dossier and completed it for me."

"Is that jealousy I hear? Don't worry. You'll be back in the game soon enough."

Thane smiled and pushed the tips of his fingers into Koji's damp locks, enjoying the feel of the soft tresses beneath his palm. He remembered - and was reminded again last night - how sensual they felt bunched beneath his palms. "Indeed. I need to repay you for dragging me out of the water during our last mission. Although, that should make us even for the countless times I had to drag you out of trouble."

"Even when we were kids," Koji snorted.

"You had a habit of falling."

"And you had a habit of catching me." Koji leaned in to kiss him. A soft caress of his lips which enticed Thane to tighten his hold upon Koji's hair in silent urging. The human took the hint and shifted his weight upon the bed, his touch leaving a trail of heat over Thane's cheek and down his throat. "How about training then? I'll say your technique was a little sloppy," Koji whispered against Thane's scales, pulling himself away just enough to speak before placing his lips flush against Thane's chest.

Thane purred and released a throaty chuckle before he twisted and hooked his leg around the human man still hovering above him. A swift jerk and Koji gasped in surprise as he was thrown over and upon the bed beside Thane. A single fluid movement and Thane straddled Koji, leaning over him with one hand still gripped in the human's hair and the other holding a wrist pinned above his head.

Koji released a huff of sound and looked up at Thane with a look of surprise before his mouth closed and his lips curled into a mischievous smile. "Shun …" he whispered, barely audible.

"Now you know there's nothing wrong with my technique," Thane hummed, leaning his face down to the crook of Koji's neck, inhaling deeply. The scent of his venom upon the human man filled his senses with ownership.

' _Stay on your knees for me, Thane….'_

Hesitating briefly, Thane heard the woman's voice in his head but forced it away. Opening his mouth he nipped at Koji's neck before he trailed kisses and caresses over Koji chest. Koji was his, and whoever that woman was - who kept appearing in his dreams - had no right to be there. It only confused him as he tried to find himself and remember who he was.

A soft moan escaped Koji's throat when Thane flicked his tongue over Koji's budding nipple, tugging on the beads of his piercing. Koji sighed and arched his back, his free hand came up, fingers wrapping around Thane's shoulder. "I definitely wasn't complaining last night," Koji exhaled, his breath quivering when he let out another soft sigh.

"Just as I imagine you won't complain now," Thane trilled seductively, low enough for Koji to hear. The sound getting his desired effect, he felt the human man grow hard against him.

"Shun," Koji called, urging him to raise his eyes and hold the human's gaze, seeing immediatly the desire that blazed in his depths.

Thane hummed against his skin again and flicked his tongue out once more, keeping their eyes locked before saying, "Perhaps you are right after all."

"How so?" Koji returned, raising an eyebrow in amusement. Mischief danced in his eyes.

Thane curled his fingers over the edge of Koji's towel, undoing the simple tie at his waist, watching as the material slackened, anticipation speeding Thane's heartbeat. All those years together and Thane still wanted him like a man dying of thirst. He could see the need in Koji, too.

Last night felt like a round of desperation. Koji's fear of Thane inability to remember him or the possibility of death was apparent in every touch and kiss, every whisper of endearment and moan of rekindled hope. Even in the moment, Thane sensed the desire coiled in Koji's muscles, his gaze darkening as he watched the sheet fall from Thane's naked body.

"My technique is diminished due to lack of use. I believe rigorous practice is required." Thane slid half the towel aside, adjusting himself, releasing Koji's wrist when he raised a leg and pushed up on one elbow.

" _Koiishi_ , your going to get me in trouble," Koji smiled, expression softened with deep care, although he made no indication that he wanted to leave. He reached his free hand out to caress Thane's cheek, who turned his face and emitted a pleased hum as he kissed Koji's palm and inner wrist.

"I thought you were trying to find an excuse?" Thane smirked cheekily, knowing Koji would never deny him.

Koji released a loud grunt of aggravation before it slipped into a deep chuckle. Pushing up all the way, he met Thane's mouth and wrapped his arms around him, pulling Thane down as they tumbled back upon the pillows.

* * *

He picked up the bottle and examined it. A small bottle with tiny, round pills, blue in color, sat nestled at the bottom, with only a few remaining. It wasn't odd that Koji had taken one before leaving - throwing it in his mouth while he ran out the door still struggling to get his boots on - Thane knew the tablets were taken to counteract the venom on his skin. _Kami_ knew Koji would've needed one after the night - and morning - they experienced. An extended period of time passed since Koji was exposed to his venom last. Thane noticed he couldn't even smell his claim on the man any longer either.

A fact he planned on correcting soon.

The only thing that stood out as odd, was the fact that the prescription was dated over a year ago. Why wasn't it dated more recently? Perhaps he ran out and used an old one until he could renew the medicine? Placing the bottle back on the bedside table, Thane moved around Koji's quarters and gathered the rest of his discarded clothes - thrown around haphazardly from their passionate rejoining - and quickly got dressed.

Koji told him to take his time and use the shower if he desired, but he felt restless waiting around for the man to return. Leaving the bedroom Thane walked through the main living quarters and glanced around curiously, a familiar feeling tightening his lungs.

 _This feels right._

Thane ran his gaze over Koji's personal effects, his attention diverted to a small, wood and stone structure, resting upon a low wooden table. He recognized the tiny piece of architecture, an _omiya_ that once sat in the front room of Koji's home. Walking closer, Thane noticed the doors slightly ajar, the kanji of the _ofuda_ just discernible.

 _Fushimi Inari Taisha._

The charm was from the Fushimi Grand Shrine in Japan, the _kamidana_ was Koji's father's. Thane sighed and ran his hand over the arch on the top of the shrine, trying to pull on a memory of the fate of Koji's parents … of his parents. An empty space, the only thing that greeted him, along with a sinking feeling that took root in the pit of his stomach. Mitchiko said that Koku-shi burnt down. Did his parents make it out? Did Koji's? What about their friends? His gaze dropped to the small drawer on the table beneath the shrine, and he opened the latch without any thought, wondering if the _shingu_ for the shrine were within.

Koji's father painstakingly spent every day with the upkeep for his family's shrine, cleaning and polishing. The _kamidana_ and _shingu_ kept in perfect condition, passed down for hundreds of years.

' _One day this will be yours, Shun.'_

His breath caught in his throat when he saw the _yakuyoke omamori_ within, instead. Smiling, Thane lifted the yellow talisman, the silk fabric shimmering from the gold designs etched over the surface, darker gold kanji written in bold down the center. He lifted the seemingly weightless charm from the drawer and noticed three more beneath….

 _I grab his hand and rush forward, his palm warm, sure and strong in mine. I drag him towards the miko shrine, the sounds of laughter and people dancing to the sounds of koto's drift towards us. The priestess smiles, cherry blossoms on the wind, we bow in respect._

" _I want to get an omamori," I tell Koji who shakes his head in mirth and smiles. He releases my hand, reaching into his pocket and hands the maiden his credit chit. I point to the takou and the yakuyoke._

" _Both?" Koji asks._

 _I turn and grin. "You keep getting lost in the woods, you need something to ward away whatever evil is drowning your sense of direction."_

 _He snorts and pulls me towards him, his arm wraps around my waist, cedarwood and grass fill my lungs. He tickles my side, and I trill at him playfully, pulling away as laughter erupts from my throat. He swipes at my back, nudging me forward._

" _Shun, do your prayers. I'll be right there."_

 _He pushes me again gently and I go towards the shrine. I bow, ring the bell, and clap my hands. I close my eyes, steeple my fingers towards the heavens, and hold my palms together in prayer. 'Kami-san, please keep us both safe.' Something touches my side. I turn, sensing Koji's presence, my claim from within drifts towards me before I open my eyes. He touches my cheek, fingers caressing my frills before he pulls them away. My heart races at the emotion in his eyes, my reaction from just a subtle touch._

" _Here, I got this for us, too."_

 _Koji hands me something, the soft feel of silk hits my palm, the charm light but symbolically heavy, the weight of a future promise. The pink kanji of the enmusubi stares up at me. Koji holds up the matching blue twin. A couples love talisman, only for those to be wed. He smiles, love shining in his eyes, my chest is on fire before he says, "Forever, koiishi."_

Thane pulled himself from the memory and smiled as his heart filled with love for the blond human, looking forward to the memories yet to resurface. The couples talisman sat resting in the drawer and when he shifted the fabric, he noticed the _takou_ beneath. The same one they bought that day at the shrine. However, the satin was now dirty and ripped.

Picking up the _omamori_ he examined it, the edge saturated in red, splatters of the same color stained upon the back, scratches and shallow rips littered the front. Was that blood? He closed his eyes and tried to strain his recollection. He remembered keeping the amulet on him, hidden beneath his uniform every time he left on a mission, but he couldn't remember when the talisman became soiled. Was that his blood? Was it from his last mission?

Since he was alive, the talisman served its purpose. The blessing was complete. Koji and he would need to buy another.

Placing the charm back in the drawer, Thane closed the wood and made a mental note to ask Koji about the _omamori_ along with the very long conversation they were going to have about Mitchiko.

When he was ready to leave, he watched the security monitor and waited for the camera to change towards the opposite direction before slipping out of Koji's quarters. They decided before Koji left to keep their renewed relationship quiet for the time being, at least until they spoke about Mitchiko. Koji had still yet to explain why Mitchiko tried to trick Thane into believing he was her husband, and why Koji willing went along with it.

He was annoyed to say the least, but then again, many of his awakened memories pertaining to Mitchiko were not always pleasant. Thane could perfectly recall a time she sent him on a mission specifically to a planet that was covered in ice, knowing he hated the cold and his species was better suited for warmer climates. Another to a location full of rain and severe moisture. Koji had tried to take the missions from him - switch the dossier - but Mitchiko always seemed to time the requests when Koji was already assigned, or away on another mission … and she enjoyed making sure Koji and Thane were never on the base too often with one another.

It only made their lovemaking - when they were together - more meaningful and cherished.

When he reached his quarters, Thane noticed a dull pain that started to resonate in the back of his head. Choosing to ignore it, he changed and went straight into his normal routine, breathing exercises, core and strength training, followed by three rounds of push ups before he jumped in the shower. When his mind finally drifted to his dreams from the night prior, the dull throb finally bloomed into a pounding torrent.

Shutting his eyes, he did everything in his power to push past the agony, to focus on the hot spray of scorching water on his scales. He tried to think of Koji, of their childhood and the night they just shared … but still her voice….

' _Tonight you're going to chant my name until all you taste is my soul on your tongue.'_

 _Who is that woman?_

She called him, Thane. It was not the first time the name was said to him in his dreams. There was another man, too. A drell he dreamt about several nights ago. Tall and handsome, with turquoise scales, vibrant and beautiful, but the face kept slipping from his grasp. No matter how much he tried to focus, the details of what he looked like just wouldn't stay put. Thane tried to focus on the woman again instead, the pain striking him harder than he ever experienced yet. His hand slipped on the tile when he hunched forward to catch himself, a lightning strike of white across his vision.

 _Thane…._

He fell to the floor, darkness overtaking him.

* * *

" _Shit … shit!" he cursed, pushing himself to run faster, the smell of heat sinks heavy and stifling in the air. He ran through the maze of tunnels, his side throbbing in agony. He glanced down and pulled his hand away, blood coated his entire palm._

 _This isn't good…._

 _Turning a sharp corner he forced his body to pick up the speed, willing his legs to move under the strain of exhaustion and budding despair. He glanced back to see the trail of blood that followed after him, and he grit his teeth in aggravation, hearing the faint sound of boots stampeding, closing the distance._

 _He glanced around frantically and ran down a tunnel to his left, taking his hand and smearing blood against the wall a few steps in, before he backtracked and ran in the opposite direction. Ripping his sleeve he bunched the material at his wound, praying the blood didn't leave more of a trail as he bolted down another hallway and into an empty room he previously occupied._

 _He glanced at the dead bodies laid in front of the computers, his attention zeroing in on the medkit station on the wall. Yanking it open, he took the medigel and jammed it into his side, gritting his teeth to prevent any sound from escaping as his wound knitted together. He knew it wouldn't be enough, the bullet going straight through his side and out the back. He needed more medigel if he didn't want to bleed out._

 _Closing his eyes, he slipped into solipsism, retracing the map of the facility, trying to find the best escape route._

 _Koji … he needed to tell Koji…._

 _The sound of gunshots in the distance pulled him from the memory, and he pushed off the wall and bolted towards the back of the room where an open doorway awaited him, a series of tunnels that lead to a ventilation shaft he would be able to climb through and backtrack towards his ship. He felt the atmosphere shift around him, panic and dread leaving him and slipping into tranquility and silence._

 _Wasn't he just running from something?_

 _The room he now resided in felt as if it was encased in eternal darkness. He glanced behind him, the doorway he previously walked through now gone._

 _What was he just doing?_

 _Turning back towards the room, a piece of furniture now stood by itself, illuminating the darkness around it. A bassinet, stationed like a beacon, compelled him in invisible waves to approach. His feet moved of their own accord, and his heart beat wildly in apprehension. He couldn't fight the need to move closer, the curiosity to peek within and see its contents overwhelmed his senses. The soft purrs and coos possessing him to see what was within._

 _He moved tentatively, his footsteps silent as he inched forward, heartbeat in his throat. He peered within, a tiny drell newborn, scales the color of senka flowers, yellow hues and an undertone of color he couldn't quite pick up. The baby's eyes slowly opened as they stirred and looked up at him._

 _He felt his heart stop beating. Blue irises held his gaze, half hidden behind the black ocular scales._

" _He looks just like him," someone said, making him turn on his heels to track the person who spoke._

 _Another drell approached, deep green scales shimmering as he moved past towards the bassinet. The man's hands rested on the lip of the miniaturized piece of furniture._

 _He stood there and stared without speaking, watching as the green drell stared down at the gold and yellow toned child, a soft sheen of turquoise scales catching the light when the man reached inside and lifted the baby gently in his arms._

" _I never thought I would see anything so beautiful," the man said. The baby in his arms purred and sniffed his frills as the green man held the infant's face near the juncture of his throat and shoulder. Tilting his head, he ran the frills on the side of his cheek over the baby's, returning the soft purr before taking one of their tiny hands and kissed the pulse point at the wrist. "I want to name him after Grandfather. As his kadan, I choose the name, Kolyat. My life before his."_

* * *

Something cold pressed against his face, a wet weight dabbed across his forehead, stirring him from the cobwebs of sleep. Opening his eyes, Thane felt someone shift beside him, and he turned his head, meeting the gaze of the one person he longed to see. " _Hotaru…._ "

"Hey." Koji smiled, pulling his hand back, dropping the cloth he held into a small bowl of water that sat on the table beside his bed. "How are you feeling?"

Thane pushed himself up against the pillows, feeling weaker than normal, and tried to recall how he ended up in his bed. Glancing towards the bowl he took note of the aloe and comfrey leaves bundled up by the basin, normally used as salves for his skin. "What happened?"

Koji pursed his lips but followed Thae's gaze towards the herbs on the table before he smiled, almost serenely. "I found you passed out on the bathroom floor, the shower still running. I dried you off, and got you into bed. Do you need me to remind you again, how heavy you are?" He sighed dramatically before grinning. Tilting his head to the side he ran his eyes over Thane languidly, almost scrutinizingly. "I thought maybe you were about to get your _mitaro_."

"My _mitaro?_ " Thane shook his head praying that wasn't the case. "I hope not. I just started feeling as if my strength was returning."

"Why does that matter? You don't want your time of the season?"

"You think I enjoy when that happens?" Thane frowned, hating how much his body ached and his scales itched during his time _._

"You might not feel well, but I know a part of you does, because then it's my job to dote over you." Koji sprouted a full blown smile. Rising from the chair at the bedside, he motioned with his hands for Thane to move over.

"You treat me like a child." Thane snorted, taking Koji's silent demand and shifted over a little. Once he made enough room, Koji slipped in beside him, adjusting the blankets until they were both comfortable. The ease he felt with the man calmed his soul but sped his heart in temptation, made his insides tighten with desire.

 _Last night wasn't enough._

Turning slightly on his side, Koji eyed Thane appreciatively before saying, "Trust me, there's nothing about you that makes me view you as a child."

The look in his eyes was all consuming, darkness so inviting, Thane wanted to do nothing but fall right into them. Did Koji always have that effect on him? He felt as if this man was his entire world.

Leaning closer, Koji placed his hand on Thane's chest. "I enjoy rubbing you down with the oils … and I know you like it, too." He kissed Thane's neck gently, the soft whisper of touch sending a shiver of anticipation to run down his spine. "I love any reason to put my hands all over your body."

Thane purred in enjoyment, tilting his head back, allowing more access to the sensitive frills along his throat, stifling a hitched breath when Koji's hot tongue stroked against an overly sensitive patch. He sighed in content, eyes slipping closed when Koji shifted his weight a little more and leaned into him, his hand trailing down Thane's chest. A welcome and comfortable weight. He turned his face and caught Koji' mouth in a gentle kiss. A soft sweep of lips and heat.

"I have nothing else to do, today." Koji pulled back and murmured against his bottom lip, pausing when he sucked the bottom swell against his tongue. Turning his body, Koji rose to his knees, placing one between Thane's legs, a hand propped near his shoulder. "I'm all yours tonight…" Koji kissed his lips again, before he trailed his mouth over his chin. "If you want me."

Thane released an aggravated moan. Koji's allure made it feel as if his existence was spiraling out of control. An overwhelming need took root deep in his stomach and entwined itself in every vein. He needed to taste Koji's tongue. He needed to claim, what was his. Thane purred his name, lifting his hand to wrap his fingers around the back of Koji's head, delving his digits into the soft, black roots at the base. He waited until Koji pulled away and smiled down at him before he reassured, "My memories are coming faster. Everyday I can recall more about my life … about our life."

"Good. That's good. I knew if I was patient…." Koji's gaze fell, and something indecipherable passed through his depths, something unspoken but seemed to weigh heavily in his thoughts.

Thane knew there was still so much left unspoken between them. So much more he still needed to remember and grasp again. Much they needed to talk about. Kissing Koji again softly, he tightened his hold on Koji's hair which resulted in a pleased chuckle from the blond.

"I think you enjoy tugging on my hair a little too much." Koji tilted his head back, a soft look of pleasure on his face as his eyes slipped closed, and he grinned. Biting the side of his bottom lip, he sighed as if waiting for Thane to give him guidance. After a few moments of silence, Koji finally opened his eyes and looked back down at him, his gaze searching Thane's in silent question. "You okay?"

"Sit with me. I wish to talk with you."

The smile fell from Koji's face, and he nodded with a heavy breath, moving back to lay beside him without a word. Thane reached for Koji's hand and they wrapped their fingers together, there touch silently reassuring the other.

Until Koji was the first to speak, "So, what happened? Did your head start hurting? Is that why you passed out?"

Frowning, Thane dropped his gaze to his lap and nodded several times. "Indeed. It was … too many memories came to me at once … the shock of it was … overwhelming." He deflected, not having the heart to tell Koji about the red-headed woman he kept thinking about.

Koji turned and kissed Thane's shoulder before he slipped his body closer and rested his cheek against the same spot he just kissed. Tightening his hold on Thane's hand, his gaze stayed fixated on their intertwined fingers. "I'm sorry, Shun. I'm sorry it's so painful."

"Don't be." Thane turned to breathe in the scents of Koji's hair, the smell of cedarwood giving him a sense of nostalgia before he kissed the side of Koji's forehead. They stayed like that for several long minutes, just enjoying the quiet and the touch of each other. Koji's thumb periodically moved to rub over the scales on the back of Thane's hand. Until he finally decided to speak again. "I saw your father's _kamidana_. I was pleased that I remembered it, and that it belonged to your family. The _ofuda_ is still in perfect condition. Although I fear I still haven't remembered your parents, or their faces."

"You will. Give it time," Koji answered, his gaze far away as if he was remembering something, taking a long moment before speaking again. "My father was Sojiro … my mother, Ayane … my sister … Yui."

 _He said 'was'.…_

"And mine?" Thane was almost too scared to ask.

"Your father's name was Takashi, your mother Shiori. You didn't have any siblings. Your mother couldn't bear children. That's why they adopted you."

"I was adopted?" Thane made it sound like a question, although he already knew that from his memories. He knew his father - being one of the village elders, and leaders - kept in contact with other shinobis. All races trained their own assassins, and his father had friends on the world of Kahje. He remembered being told that he was gifted to his father by the hanar through something called 'The Compact'. The hanar gave him to his father because of his service and help when he confided that he wanted a son of his own, but his wife was unable to bear him one. Thane's parents died, although he was never told how, but by the time he found out, it didn't matter. Koku-shi was his home, and the drell and hanar were just people in stories to him who held no further interest.

"Really?" Koji turned and looked up at him, quirking an eyebrow while he grinned in mirth.

Thane smiled and shrugged. "I just thought I came out better looking than the rest of you."

Koji laughed and rested his head back on Thane's shoulder. "I thought you were a new pet when Nuara-san came home with you. It was my first time seeing an alien and …" His voice trailed off without finishing.

Thane glanced down at him in curiosity, hanging on to every word. His heart pounded with the need to know Koji's thoughts, and Thane waited and watched as Koji stared across the room, his gaze fixated on a single spot, but his sight unseeing.

"I was five, and you were just a baby but … I couldn't get over how beautiful you were." Closing his eyes, Koji released a long breath, smiled, and continued, his voice quiet and overflowing with a sense of serenity. "You had these eyes … they felt endless … and every time you looked at me, I thought I saw my soul staring back. They say you know your soulmate the moment you see them … you were mine from the start."

Thane could feel his heart swell to the brink. The feelings so overwhelming he thought he would choke in the currents. Turning his head, Koji met his gaze and kissed him deeply. A long moment passed that opened the gates to everything Koji was to him.

Koji wasn't just his lover … Koji was his mate.

"Koji …" Thane started, knowing it probably wasn't the best time to bring it up, but the need to remember everything felt like a tidal wave tearing him apart from within. He couldn't remember the faces of his parents. He couldn't remember Koji's parents. What about their friends, others in the village? How he ended up with memories missing? "Mitchiko … she said Koki'shi burnt down. Is that true?"

Koji frowned and pulled away shaking his head in clear disapproval. "She would. She never has anything good to say. Always goes straight for whatever pisses you off. I think it's a fucking natural talent for her."

"So, it's true?" Thane's words came out more of a whisper than he meant them to be. Did anyone in the village survive besides them? He was fearful to know the answer, and sadness gripped his heart at the possibility.

"Shun," Koji called, catching Thane before he sunk further into his thoughts. "Let's not start with that. Let's start with something more pleasant. Like the first time I made you cum. Or the first time you confessed that you loved me … and then you pushed me into the lake, too worried about my reply."

Thane snorted and turned his face away, appreciative of the distraction Koji was trying to lay out for him. "I did no such thing."

"No? I can't wait for you to remember that again. I almost drowned, you know," Koji said matter-of-factly.

"Now, you're embellishing." Thane purred back in teasing.

"If you say so." Koji shrugged before grinning and eying him again in renewed enjoyment. A dark twinkle in his eye before he said, "That was also the night of our first kiss."

Thane smiled, motioned for Koji to lean into his side again and get comfortable, their fingers entwining once more to rest on his knee. He looked forward to having the memories resurface. "I remember the first time we went to Shinjuku … we ended up meeting a group of complete strangers - who pressured us into tagging along with them for the whole night - eating and drinking - singing karaoke."

"Ah … I remember that!" Koji laughed. "I got so drunk. I remember us being pulled into like ten bars and bellowing out songs."

Humming in acceptance, Thane nodded gravely. "You sang terribly. I thought I was going to go deaf that night."

Koji pulled his hand out of Thane's and moved to poke him in the side. Jerking his hand,Thane caught Koji's wrist and smiled as Koji flashed his teeth in challenge. "You know you liked my serenading."

"Ah, that's what that was. I thought you were trying to communicate with a banshee that night."

Sucking his teeth, Koji grinned and fell back against the bed, crossing his arms over his chest. Something reminiscent of a child throwing a temper tantrum. "You just don't appreciate good love songs."

"My mistake. I didn't realize that's what that was."

After sharing a few more memories, childhood training, moments of sitting on the roofs, watching the sunsets, their talks shifted towards their adult life. Thane slipped into solipsism, reliving the moment with the _omamori's_ for Koji, his wide smile, Thane's most coveted and sought after reward. When he was able again, he would relive any moment for Koji, as much as he wanted him to, just to see him smile.

Their talks eventually turned into exploring caresses and familiar kisses, passion taking over, on the verge of falling into the sinful things Koji did with his hands, but Thane found himself waging an inner battle when his thoughts turned towards Koji's deception.

" _Hotaru_ …" Thane turned his face away, making a point of denying his advancements. He felt Koji falter, his hand slipping from Thane's scales, a coldness settling in where the warmth of his skin held Thane rooted seconds ago. "Why did you lie to me? Why did you make me believe Mitchiko was my wife? I almost…." Thane's voice dropped as he slipped into the memory of the moment he was about to kiss Mitchiko, better to show first, then explain, how confused the situation made him. What he was trying to do to find himself again.

When Thane was done, he blinked and observed Koji carefully. Watching as all the joy vanished from his face. His expression turned vacant, while his dark eyes blinked slowly as he pulled himself away. His gaze never left Thane's, and he fell silent for several long heartbeats, sitting down upon the chair beside the bed.

"I'm …" Koji tried to start, gaze faltering to his lap, placing his elbows upon his knees, face dropping into the palms of his upturned hands. Sighing deeply, Koji rubbed his face and shook his head before he glanced back at Thane. "I'm sorry, _koiishi._ I had to."

The raw pain that resonated from Koji's expression was palpable, and Thane felt himself grow anxious in his need to reach out and comfort Koji. "Why?" His words were breathy, barely audible. Why did Koji have to lie to him? To make him believe that they barely knew one another? To trick him? It wasn't like him, and it worried Thane because he knew Koji wasn't the type to do things without reason.

"Shun … Cerberus is a human organization. They don't waste resources on non-humans, remember?" The look in Koji's eyes was haunting but fear resonated. Leaning forward, he grabbed Thane's hand firmly, his eyes widening on the verge of hysterics. "They were going to let you die! I couldn't let that happen. I just couldn't. I … I begged her to save you, anything to make you live … but she would only do it under one condition."

Thane stared down at his hand grasped in Koji's, the torment in his tone and the anguish in his expression held Thane's heart captive in the way he held onto him, like he was terrified of letting go. As if he would slip from Koji's grasp and never return. "What was the condition?" Thane struggled to find his voice. A sickening feeling turning his stomach into gravel and quicksand.

"To get the funding … I had to register you as an experimental subject for Mitchiko's project. I had to … I was going to lose you. I needed you back." Koji grit his teeth, his eyes flooding with tears. He gripped Thane's hands harder, leaned forward and kissed his hands. Warm moisture fell on the back of his scales. "I couldn't bear living without you."

Thane's lungs swelled in remorse, the agony in witnessing the man he loved falling into despair at the possibility of losing him. It was too much to bear. Reaching out his free hand, Thane ran his fingers through Koji's hair reassuringly, waiting until he raised his gaze, cheeks smeared with tears, eyes red and puffy.

Wiping his eyes, Koji took a deep breath before continuing. "She called it 'Cerebral Rebooting'. A way to suppress the cerebral cortex and create new memories in an individual. She tried to do it with you. Implant new memories and change parts of your life."

 _Cerebral Rebooting._

Was that why he kept having dreams of different people? Different places? That red-headed woman….

"Is that why I keep getting different flashes?"

"What kind of flashes?" Koji asked on the verge of suspicion. His eyebrows falling and crunching together in contemplation.

"Faces, mostly. Places … sometimes I can't tell if…." Thane faltered, unsure of what he should admit.

"If what?" Koji pressed, his expression brimming with nothing but genuine worry. "Shun, please," he begged. "Talk to me, _koiishi._ Please, talk to me."

Thane closed his eyes in turmoil, knowing what he was about to say would hurt Koji. "If what I'm experiencing is real or not."

Silence ensued, and Thane waited several heartbeats until he dared open his eyes to look at the man before him. Koji's expression was pained, and slowly he reached out and took Thane's hands back in his, thumbs caressing the scales over Thane's fingers in a soothing back and forth motion.

" _Koiishi,_ everything with us is real. You're Shun Nuara. Don't ever doubt that. Mitchiko tried to make you into something you're not. She tried to turn you into Nero, tried to give you a different life - subtle changes here and there … to see if the memories would hold - but I knew it wouldn't work. Drell minds are so different than ours, and your eidetic memory would make it harder for the process to work - I just knew - I knew that fucking cunt wouldn't succeed."

Thane let his gaze drop to their joined hands. No matter what, the feelings in his heart had to be real, right? He had no reason to doubt Koji. Everything Mitchiko tried to do made sense if she tried to make him into something he wasn't. From the moment he woke up, Koji was the only thing on his mind, and whatever Mitchiko tried to make him feel, just wasn't registering.

His heart knew the truth … didn't it?

"We've been together our whole lives, Shun … everything we've been through … I knew I'd get you back. I couldn't have it any other way."

Thane nodded slowly, understanding why Koji did what he did. If their roles were reversed, he would've done the same. Anything for Koji to live.

"You're still an ugly crier," Thane smiled sadly, trying to lighten the air between them.

Koji raised his eyebrows in surprise before he grinned softly and wiped the remaining tears from his eyes muttering, "Asshole."

Both of them chuckled quietly, and Koji reached his hand up and cupped Thane's cheek in his palm. "I promise you, Shun. I swear to you … I won't let anything happen to you ever again. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you … I'm sorry you…." A renewed sob caught in his throat, and a fresh wave of tears trailed down his cheeks, despair and remorse coming in waves over a failure he seemed to truly believed he commited.

But it was unwarranted. Thane was alive because of him. Koji had saved him.

"I'm here _hotaru_ … I'm here," he soothed, pulling Koji into his arms, the strength in his embrace silently showing how much Koji meant to him. How much he understood why Koji did what he did.

Burying his face in Thane's chest he nodded several times, Koji's shoulders shaking as his sobs slowly subsided before he finally answered, "Yes … you're finally here with me again."


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

They'd been there for hours. Seconds and minutes ticking away, counted down by every unsteady heartbeat. Sarah focused on the sound of the pounding, the heavy thrum against her ribcage in thick strikes of trepidation, the rush of blood in her ears banging on her thoughts. Maybe if she wished hard enough, the clock would reverse and she would find herself back in another moment. A moment of clarity and happiness. A moment where things were different, her life was different. A moment where she was content with the man she loved.

Moment's like that were few and far between.

It didn't work for Thane.

Why would it work for Kolyat?

They all arrived in a hurry. Lukas already waiting for them when they rushed to the Trauma Ward. The look on his face when they spotted them didn't help the diminishing flicker of her soul. Gray faded her vision, lights and sounds diminishing into a dull roar as she felt her existence slow down. Her body moving on its own.

Sarah forced herself to breathe, to keep reminding herself to push one foot forward and put on the mask she called upon countless times before. Doctors were waiting with Lukas who urged Mira to follow as soon as they saw her. A worried purr left her throat when she glanced back at Sarah before disappearing around a bend ushered by nurses.

Lukas approached her slowly, Kolyat's leather jacket - the black one she bought him - was rolled and grasped in his fist. Blood was splattered over his own leather jacket at his wrists, his white cotton shirt soaked in patches over his stomach and speckled across his upper chest. She eyed him slowly from head to toe.

He looked like he survived a horror movie.

It probably wasn't far from the truth.

"It was a hostage situation," Lukas started, running a hand - still with splotches of blood over his knuckles - through his hair, sighing deeply. "Kolyat got the kid, but something went wrong and the perp ended up shooting. Kolyat was able to push the girl out of the way in time, but he ended up taking the hit."

Sarah remained silent for a few moments waiting for the information to soak in before asking, "How bad are the extent of his injuries?"

Lukas swallowed thickly, his lips falling into a deeply etched frown. Handing her Kolyat's jacket, Sarah glanced down at it and grasped it firmly, pulling it to her chest, feeling as if she was about to slip into a moment of de-ja-vu. Thane's jacket was handed to her in the hospital, too. Sorry's and condolences spewed automatically on empty breaths, from mouths that couldn't possibly fathom the feeling of one's soul being ripped from your body in a single tug.

"Two gunshots. One in the chest. One in the shoulder. The one in his shoulder passed through, but … the one in his lung got lodged." Lukas licked his lips and glanced down staring at his hands held palm up. "I … I tried…." He started, the tremble of his hands hard to miss. "I tried to stop the bleeding. I applied pressure and held him down, but he started choking. I … I did everything I could."

"I know you did, Lukas." She tried to reassure, keeping her voice and face empty but full of that authority that was always needed from her. Commander Shepard wasn't able to show weakness. "Kolyat's strong. The hospital will do everything they can for him. Is Taran here?"

"Yeah … yeah." Lukas nodded and took a deep breath as if he was trying to pull himself together. His eyes darkened and she could tell he was wrapping a mask around himself, too. Trying to detach from the emotional and focus on the facts. "Taran got here the same time we arrived. The staff pulled him in immediately and started taking his blood. A few minutes after, a few other drells arrived." He closed his eyes and shook his head pinching the bridge of his nose. "Theirin, Niko, Zion … I can't remember the woman's name. I think Taran said he called Theirin and he's the one who sent out a call to their Congregation."

"Are they still here?"

Lukas shook his head. "No, they all left after giving blood, but Taran is waiting for us. He's at the Trauma ICU. Kolyat's in surgery. The doctor said it's going to be awhile."

"Alright," Sarah breathed, trying to take a step forward without crumbling to the ground into a puddle of hot mess. She felt as if the remainder of her world was flaking away around her, tiny pieces of burnt paper turning to ash and floating away at the corners of her vision. A part of her knew this would happen, she'd given her heart again, and now there'd be nothing left when everything was over.

"Let's go to Taran, see how he's holding up." She walked past Lukas and his hand on her shoulder stopped her. She glanced back just as he slipped his arm around her and pulled her against him.

"I'm so sorry this happened. It's my fault, I'm supposed to be watching him, he's my responsibility." Lukas shook as he spoke. The regret in his voice thickening the air around them.

Sarah knew she needed to say words of encouragement to Lukas, anything to console the man who formed such a deep bond with Kolyat and felt responsible for, but she felt so empty and unsure. How do you give someone fire, when you have no spirit left to give?

Reaching her hand up she hugged Lukas back, the tall hard feel of his body, dwarfing and foreign to her. "Is the girl alright?"

He pulled away and nodded, hands falling from her shoulders. "Yeah, he saved her."

"And the one who shot him? Is he dead?"

Lukas' jaw ticked, she could see the disapproval in his eyes but he didn't voice his opinion. Instead, he dropped his head and nodded several times.

 _Good._

"That's all that matters. Kolyat saved someone. In the end, that's what you're here for. C-Sec, Alliance, Spectre, we make the choice to sacrifice if that's the final decision that needs to be made. Right now, all we can do is be strong for him … carry on if all else fails."

' _When you see the lightning, the rising tide, allow yourself to be lost in the currents as I was.'_

 _And drown after the storm finally passes because it left you ripped apart._

"Thanks, Sarah. I'll be strong for him … for you both." Lukas sighed and narrowed his eyes, as clear pain resigned over his features.

They walked towards the Trauma ICU, moving down hallways and corridors, many she was familiar with from previous visits. She saw the hallway she knew Keston still resided in, but they turned in the opposite direction and made their way toward the surgery waiting room. Taran was sitting on one of the two couches that were pushed against the window and wall on the farthest corner from them, but closest to the operating area doorway. He got up as soon as he saw them, his face grief-stricken and filled with worry.

"Sarah," he said softly, his arms circling around her in a tight hug when she reached him, his trill low enough for her to hear, expressed his anxiety.

When he pulled away, she reached her hand up and placed her palm on the frills of his cheek in reassurance, knowing that he was comfortable enough with her to allow the intimate contact. Taran's expression softened and he nodded, blinking back unshed tears. "I saw him … he looked…."

"It's ok. He's going to be okay. Kolyat is strong." Sarah felt like she was chanting the words, and she hoped they seemed sincere, although she felt empty inside. A part of her already dying, preparing for the worst.

"I told them to take as much as they needed. Anything to save, Kolyat."

"I know, Taran. Mira is in there with them now, too."

Taran turned his face out of her touch and glanced at the doors to the surgery area, his eyes wide and hopeful. "Good, Niko and Asala weren't a compatible match. Even though she's pregnant, hopefully, they will make an exception for Mira. Kolyat needs it."

"You two should take a seat and get comfortable. We're going to be here for a long while." Lukas cut in, touching Taran's elbow and motioning with his free hand towards the couches. "I'm gonna …" He trailed off, glancing down at his clothes. "I'm going to clean up and get a new shirt. I'll give Ami a call and give her an update. The surgeon said periodically his staff will come out and alert us to any changes or progress with, Kolyat."

"Thank you, Lukas. You have been most kind." Taran dipped his head cordially.

"Stop that. You don't have to be polite with me. We're all friends here." Lukas shook his head in disapproval.

"I know, but I owe you much. Kolyat is very important to Mira and I. As I am aware, the doctor's informed me that because of your quick response to his injuries, you might've given Kolyat enough of a chance to make it through this."

"Although part of it was my fault, to begin with." Lukas frowned, glancing away.

Taran shook his head and smiled almost sadly as if he was trying to console a sulking child. "I do not believe that. Kolyat only speaks highly of you and looks up to you as a mentor and friend. He knew the dangers of joining C-Sec, the higher chance of risk when he became a detective. Do not blame yourself for what has transpired. I know Kolyat wouldn't." Taran blinked slowly, the soft smile spreading wider over his soft gray lips.

Sarah wanted to say something, but she knew what it was like to battle your own demons of self-loathing and doubt. She could see the haunting thoughts on Lukas' face without words, the strain around his eyes, the way he carried himself and the tightness of his jaw.

She knew what it was like to hide behind the mask more than others. Hers was just better than most.

Lukas covered his face with his palm and rubbed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose before he released it and circled his fingertips around his jaw and beard. "I need a few minutes. I'll be back." His voice was low and tense.

Without another word, Lukas turned abruptly and made his way back the way they came, leaving Taran and Sarah alone. Turning towards the silver drell, Sarah opened her mouth to say something, but it was Taran who spoke first.

"He's trapped in his mind right now, stuck in that moment of how things are supposed to be." Taran turned to look at Sarah, his silver gaze filled with such warmth she almost felt the glacier she built up around her heart dare to melt. "He'll find his way, and when he does … he'll take a step back and realize he's being ridiculous in his doubt. He saved Kolyat. I'm sure of it because I will not allow myself to believe otherwise." Smiling gently, Taran lifted a hand and placed it on her shoulder as if to comfort her, his expression filled with such conviction she was almost convinced to believe it, too. "Just like you should."

* * *

It was thirty minutes later when Mira came out of the doors to where Kolyat was being operated on, her face crestfallen and filled with despair. She went to Taran immediately and sat down next to him. His arms automatically circling around the woman to pull her against the line of him.

The first report followed two hours later, one of the surgeons came out to tell them that Kolyat had flatlined for several seconds just as they were getting the internal bleeding under control. After bringing him back, the medical team successfully cleaned out the wound on his shoulder and were in the process of closing the avulsions, however, the real procedure was about to begin.

The bullet that punctured his chest collapsed his right lung and the shrapnel was scattered and lodged within the tissue. The doctor explained how they were going to remove the bullet and explained that a chest tube would have to be inserted after they were done until his lung healed and was able to breathe on its own. He also explained the dangers and the chances of bleed out if Kolyat's body didn't react well to the surgery.

Sarah listened with a sense of numbness, nodding in understanding and made sure Taran and Lukas asked all the questions they could think of that also satisfied her. When the surgeon answered all their questions he told them in a few hours, either himself or someone from his team, would come and give them another report.

It was six and a half until someone came out again.

Kolyat did not react as well as they hoped it seemed, and he ended up in cardiac arrest with the threat of another bleed out. Thirty-two seconds and they were able to resuscitate and stabilize him before continuing on, removing the shrapnel from his lung tissue. The doctor voiced his concern also about running low on compatible drell blood but assured that they would make every drop count if needed.

Fifteen hours of waiting in total and now another six since the last update, made Shepard increasingly anxious. Every time the doors opened, she held her breath in fear, analyzing the facial features of every doctor that came and went. Sarah looked over at her friends, Mira now asleep, legs tucked under herself and her body leaned against Taran's, her head cradled between the back of Taran's face ridges and the couch.

Taran met her eyes and gave her a soft reassuring smile, his fingers slowly running over the back of Mira's hand that rested on his knee. She glanced at Lukas, who was asleep, too. His head lolled back against the couch they sat upon on opposite ends. Slight snores and heavy breathing heard through his slackened jaw hung slightly ajar.

"I think he might drool," Taran said, chuckling deeply as he kept his voice quiet. Sarah glanced back at him just as a coy grin emerged over his lips, his gaze dropping to Mira's hand and his thumb gliding over the back of her knuckles. "Be sure to take a picture of Lukas so you can show Kolyat."

Shepard forced a smile to her lips and turned her body, snapping the photo of Lukas on her omnitool and one of Taran when he looked down again at Mira's hand. "If everything goes well, I'll make sure he sees it."

"If?" Taran asked uncertainty etched in that one word so profoundly, Sarah mentally chastised herself for letting the word slip. She was supposed to be the source of confidence, not the one succumbing to despair. Although, that was all she truly felt in the moment. Taran's eye ridges crunched together in apprehension and she could see the question form before he even asked it. "Sarah, do you truly believe Kolyat won't make it?"

She glanced down without answering, her gaze fixated on the tiled floor. What could she say? Every man she dared to love ended up dead or hating her. Why would Kolyat be any different? She felt her insides breaking as those thoughts raged within her like a hurricane, stripping her bare of the walls she tried so hard to maintain. She heard Taran call her name again gently, but she couldn't bring herself to look at him, to show him the anguish that she undoubtedly felt. Her existence slipping into the darkness. Her light fading.

' _Let me be the one to make you shine again.'  
_  
If she lost Kolyat….

If Kolyat died….

Then she would die, too.

Sarah pulled her legs under her and tucked her arms over her chest, fingers spread out over her upper arms as she hugged herself. A tremor violently ran through her spine as Kolyat's voice played over and over in her mind, his words of encouragement, his ways of making her laugh and the words of love he said to her. Why didn't she say it back? Why didn't she decide to confess to him sooner? Why did she fight so long? She squeezed her eyes shut, feeling the tears starting to form, before opening them again in an attempt to fight the moisture from falling.

Suddenly, fast movement from down the hall caught her attention, a flash of rainbow hues and shining scales under fluorescent lights. Feron shot around the corner of the corridor as if he was running, stopping at the midsection to read the signs on the wall. He immediately turned towards them and ran a few more steps before his momentum stopped as soon as their eyes met.

 _Fifteen hours. How did he get here so quickly?_

Shepard pushed herself off the couch and gasped in a sense of relief, doing her best to choke back tears that threatened to spill free. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Lukas shift and lift his head. Mira also stirred awake, most likely feeling the shift of movement as Taran reflexively adjusted her against his side. Did they even know how painful it was to look at them? If Kolyat died, they still had one another.

She'd be worse than a husk.

Feron took a step forward, uncertainty and hesitation in his gaze as she took a step and almost stumbled towards him. She felt hollow, frozen solid and forced to walk through quicksand. Feron suddenly became the only warmth left in the world, the string pulling something out of her and towards his unseen gravity.

"Sarah," his voice trembled in dread, a purr she heard that shook her to the core. The look in his eyes showed that he undeniably feared the worst, and she knew the look on her face probably didn't help him in believing anything else.

She ran to him then and stretched out her arms to him without inhibition. Not giving a fuck what anyone thought of her. She felt the dam brake and everything she held in burst forth and consumed her. Feron's arms came around her and she pushed herself up on her toes, burying her face in the frills of his neck, the tears unrelenting and harsh as they unleashed themselves without mercy.

His body was hard and strong, familiar and safe, and he held her firmly, one hand buried in her hair the other around her waist and lower back, pressing her flush against the line of his body. He cradled her, like a parent to their child, his arms, his strength, his smell, the only thing keeping her anchored down as her soul tried to blow away in the storm.

"Easy," he whispered into her hair and felt his lips kiss the side of her head. "I'm here for you."

Those simple words were all it took, and she lost herself in her emotions. The fear of losing Kolyat felt like Thane dying all over again. She couldn't do it. She wouldn't survive it. She would break. She knew that as a fact. Her knees felt weak and she could no longer support her weight. Her existence disappearing in the strength of Feron's arms. He saved her body once, knew almost everything about her, he would know what to do if she lost herself again.

"Feron … I can't," she tried to speak, her words getting choked on by her tears.

He made a sound to soothe her, holding her tighter, his hands adjusting until he was able to scoop and lift her into his arms bridal style. She knew he felt the strength leave her. Sarah's arms were still around him, and she couldn't bring herself to lift her face buried in his chest.

"I'll take the weight for you, Sarah. Whatever you need."

"His heart stopped twice … Feron, I don't know if he's going to…." She couldn't finish her sentence, her tears drowning out the world around her. She felt sick, nausea climbed up her throat. She coughed and tried to speak again but Feron pulled her closer and purred to comfort her.

The vibration of his chest felt like the rumbled of a contented cat, but his voice was anything but. "He'll make it. He has to … for you. Kolyat loves you and still has much to do … Sarah, look at me."

Sarah pulled her face from his chest and looked up at him, his impish smile tugging at her chest. Leaning forward, Feron rubbed the frills of his cheek over hers, continuing to purr before he whispered in her ear, "Kalahira will throw his body back onto the beach, I assure you. She's not ready to be annoyed by him all day."

Sarah snorted and laughed sadly, tapping his chest before covering her mouth to hide her grin. "You're such a jerk."

"But a lovable one."

Swallowing roughly, Sarah coughed as she took a deep breath and gathered her bearings, her fingers tracing the line of buttons on his burgundy linen shirt beneath his brown and black leather jacket. She glanced up at his face, his hazel eyes gentle and full of care, the coloring of his deep, indigo frills, vibrant and healthy.

"You look good," she said without thought. Feron stared down at her but then glanced away, clearing his throat he purred in thanks as his frills expanded slightly. She caught that she had embarrassed him somehow, but what triggered it, eluded her.

"You look well, too. It really looks like Kolyat is doing good for you. Despite what is happening right now ..." Feron leaned in and dropped his lips down to her ear, his breath tickling the edges of her hair that hung down on the side of her face. "... he's returned life back to you." Pulling away he smiled down at her, the gold specks of his irises catching the light as he glanced up and looked toward the waiting area. "Not that I don't enjoy my hands all over you, but I"m going to put you down on the couch so your friends don't think I just stole Kolyat's woman while he was preoccupied."

"Well, you literally did just sweep me off my feet." Sarah smiled, being rewarded with another of his signature grins as he moved slowly towards the couch she previously sat upon.

"I'll get you a tissue to wipe your eyes. Kolyat will get upset if he knows you cried over him."

"Shit. Did my makeup run?" Sarah asked, biting her lower lip wondering if she looked like a runaway raccoon.

"Not … completely." He tried to deflect, nodding at Lukas in greeting who now stood waiting for them to approach.

"Liar," she hissed, being placed down on the couch cushions, sniffling as a tremor ran over her body, the room suddenly feeling a lot colder than before.

Feron reached to the side of the couch to a small table, where a box of tissues sat strategically placed - most likely for weeping families. Handing her a tissue he shimmied himself out of his jacket and placed the leather over her shoulders, most likely catching the shiver that ran over her body. "Here. Give Kolyat a reason to punch me when he's able to, my scent is all over you now."

Sarah smiled and shook her head. "Kolyat won't get mad. He'll be happy you're here."

Feron hummed in disbelief from her words before righted himself and turned towards Lukas, his hand stretched out for a handshake. "You must be Lukas Graham, Kolyat's partner. He's told me about you. My name is Feron."

"Nice to meet you," Lukas answered, returning his handshake and a nod of greeting. "Thank you for coming."

Feron released Lukas' hand and turned towards Mira and Taran, their eyes blazing with unasked questions. "Mira and Taran Amani." Feron bowed politely in the traditional drell custom, touching his fingers to his forehead. "It's a pleasure to meet you and yours. I just wished we met under better circumstances. Kolyat speaks about you all the time and-"

"Excuse me, are you here for Mr. Krios?" A nurse appeared beside them, holding a small tray with various instruments... "Reception alerted us as soon as they saw you enter the Trauma ICU, are you able to give blood?"

"Does he still need?" Feron asked, glancing down at what she was holding.

"Yes. Mr. Krios is still in surgery, and the doctors just used the last batch they kept on reserve. One more bag would really help. I just hope you're a match."

"We're a match," Feron answered automatically, undoing the buttons of his shirt at his wrist, pushing the material up over his fingerless, brown, leather gloves. "You won't have to worry about compatibility."

"Please take a seat. I apologize for the lack of privacy but this is needed right away. Can I have your ID please?" the nurse asked, urging Feron to the couch seat beside Shepard and logging in his identification on her omnitool when he presented it to her.

"You checked to make sure you were the same blood type on the way over?" Shepard asked, scooting over to give him room and allow Lukas enough space to sit back down, watching as Feron continued to pull his sleeve up. The nurse set the small tray on the arm of the sofa and immediately grabbed the rubber band placing it around his upper arm, rubbing the bend with an alcohol swab.

"Ah, no. I didn't have to. All of the high clans share the same blood type. That's usually why they all marry into one another. To keep ties strong and all that bullshit … ow," Feron murmured, when she inserted the needle, turning his eyes back to the nurse before a slow grin lifted one side of his mouth. "I don't like it rough."

"Sorry, just a pinch. I'll be quick," she returned, her eyes glancing up at him through thick, black lashes, smiling back at him demurely.

Feron tilted his head to the side and Sarah could see interest spark in his expression, but before he got a chance to say something lewd - because she knew it was coming - Taran's smooth voice pulled his attention away.

"Are you part of Kolyat's family? Or perhaps a friend?" Taran asked with pursed lips, glancing between the two of them with clear apprehension on his face. Not that she blamed him, Sarah could already see the signs of betrayal on Mira's face as well. Drells didn't touch others unless comfortable or overly familiar. Feron just literally had his hands all over her, and from their point of view, she basically just cheated on Kolyat and fucked Feron in the waiting room. Without Kolyat's claim in her system, the way Feron touched her could easily be seen as a threat on what Kolyat wished to take for himself.

Mira already made it clear that Taran and she would defend Kolyat to their dying breath if the need ever arose.

Feron smiled and turned his head towards the other two drells, his throat vibrating with a sound she couldn't hear, but whatever it was meant to convey probably worked. The tenseness in Taran's shoulders eased and Mira let out a heavy breath, something like relief.

"Yeah, we've been friends for a little while. We've gotten pretty close. I was friends with Sarah first, she introduced us to one another."

"Kolyat's never mentioned you to us," Taran spoke curtly.

Feron smirked and purred again at Taran, a deep sigh leaving the silver man's lips as he stared at Feron in suspicion. "I told him not to. Please do not be angry with Kolyat for keeping me secret. I know you both are close to him and under normal circumstances, he would've told you about me."

"Feron was Hanar Special Forces when we worked together. He also assisted me with information trading." Shepard spoke up, trying to ease the discomfort of Taran and Mira, knowing Feron decided to keep the previous alias.

"That's right," Feron agreed. "My last occupation didn't really give me the luxury of keeping too many friends or being known by-"

"Mr. Ferai, you can relax your fist, now. You're hooked up to the bag." The nurse spoke up, releasing the band around his arm, his blood coming quickly while it started to fill up the clear plastic pack.

"Ah, yeah. Sorry," Feron answered. "I always hate this part." He laughed in discomfort, glancing at Sarah who took his free hand in hers.

"Thank you for coming." She told him softly, intertwining her fingers with his and then covering the back of his hand with her other.

"What makes you think I wouldn't? You both needed me, so here I am." Feron smiled briefly before his eyes trailed over towards the two drells opposite them.

"Ferai? Your name is Feron Ferai?" Mira said with a shaky breath, surprise and awe making her irises shine like liquid lavender. Glancing at Taran she raised her eye ridges in disbelief. Shepard meant to ask why Feron decided to use his birth name if he planned on starting over. Didn't he realize it would cause attention?

Mira's expression only made Feron scowl and glance away. "Please. Don't." Feron shook his head and sighed quietly, looking down at his arm as the nurse checked the line. "Just because I'm a Ferai doesn't mean I want special treatment. I'm just Feron."

"Or Prince Skittles," Shepard added with a smirk, being rewarded with one of Feron's roguish smiles in return.

His budding annoyance slipped into joviality when he turned to her. "You really enjoy calling me that, huh?"

"No fighting it now, although you'll always be my lovable rogue." Sarah simply shrugged.

"Keep flirting. You really want Kolyat to punch me in the mouth again, don't you?" Feron purred towards her in mirth.

"I'm a little lost in this conversation," Lukas admitted, glancing between all of them with clear confusion, finally adding into their discussion.

"He's a Ferai," Mira answered simply, like that would clear up every question in the universe.

Leaning in towards Feron, Lukas lowered his voice and gave Mira another nonplussed look before turning toward the rainbow-hued man. "Does that make you someone special? Are you like, the king of drell candy or something, since she called you skittles?"

"Why? Are you interested in tasting the rainbow?" Feron answered back without missing a beat. Shepard snorted and choked back a laugh at his antics, tapping Feron's shoulder in enjoyment as Lukas raised both eyebrows clearly caught off guard.

Leaning back against the couch, Lukas bellowed out a joyous laugh and clapped his hands together in amusement. "That was a good one, but Nah man, sorry. I already got a girl, but thanks for the offer."

"Pity." Feron shrugged indifferently and glanced back at Sarah. "You need some single friends, Shep. Especially if I'm about to move here."

"So, you've decided?" Sarah asked, hoping that Feron really was about to start a new life here.

"Yeah." He nodded, waiting as the nurse checked the line and started unlatching the blood bag from the draining tube. Once she was finished, the nurse took a cotton swab and got ready to remove the needle.

"All done," she said, pulling the piece out, placing a folded piece of cotton on the entry point, ushering Feron to hold his arm against his chest. Placing the used materials in her sanitary cup she picked up the small dose of medigel and applied it to his arm.

"I filled out my application for C-Sec on the way over," Feron continued, holding out his arm for the nurse to apply the sealing gel.

Once she was done she thanked him and picked up her belongings to leave. "Mr. Krios is doing well, now. This will definitely help. The surgery shouldn't be too much longer. Someone will be out soon to speak with you."

Shepard had no words as she felt her chest squeeze her lungs to the point of choking, but she nodded in thanks as the nurse moved away noticing everyone else do the same. The relief that washed over them left her breathless, and she leaned into Feron's side to hide her face in his shoulder, feeling the tears start up again, grateful beyond explanation.

 _He's going to be okay._

Feron squeezed her hand a little tighter in his and purred to get her attention. "See, I told you Kalahira wasn't ready for him."

"You applied for C-Sec?" Lukas asked, moving Feron's attention back towards him until Mira asked at the same time-

"What about Kahje?"

Feron closed his eyes and sighed from her question, and slid his gaze - like he was forcing himself - back towards the lavender woman, his expression strained and falling back into disapproval.

Taran purred and nudged Mira in quiet reprimand before he trilled in apology towards Feron. "Sorry. Sometimes she doesn't know when not to ask questions. Meha -" He directed at Mira, then. "-it's not our business to know. Sere Ferai probably has his reasons not to say."

Mira stared at Taran as if in shock, blinking several times before she nodded and released a heavy breath. Looking back at Feron she dipped her head and purred in apology. "Forgive me. It is just surprising that Kolyat is friends with a member of the royal family. I apologize for my rudeness."

"I'm just Feron." His voice came out on the precipice of a beg. "Honest. Please don't think of me as anyone else."  
"Kolyat's friends with royalty? You're drell royalty?" Lukas added in, leaning forward in his seat, his eyes brightening and sparking to life in interest. Feron let out another sigh and turned towards the human man. Another frown planted itself on his lips and he released a low growl of frustration.

"Alright, come on," Sarah spoke up, forcing authority into her tone. Couldn't anyone take a hint that he didn't want to address the subject? Although part of her was extremely curious, too, this wasn't the time or place for such discussions. "Leave Feron alone, he doesn't want to talk about it."

Lukas held up his hands in friendly surrender and smiled before falling back on the couch in elaborate heaviness. "Sorry, C-Sec breeding. I'll keep asking questions without meaning to. I was just curious, I'll just state the facts, then. You're Kolyat and Sarah's friend. You're Kahje royalty-"

"Rhakanian Royalty," Mira cut in, earning her weary expressions from all three men, who stared at her silently for a few seconds. Fidgeting in her seat Mira purred again in apology and dipped her head and murmured. "Sorry."

"Ok, Rhakanian Royalty, even though your species lives on Kahje - nevermind-" Lukas waved a hand in front of him like he was striking the record of his thoughts. "You used to be Hanar Special Ops, which doesn't seem like a place for a prince if you ask me, so maybe your ties are not as strong as some might think." Lukas turned to Mira, exaggerating the last part of his sentence, causing Mira to frown and Taran to raise his hand and try to hide the quirk of his lips.  
"So, I'm guessing Sarah called you to come to the Citadel to help Kolyat, but on the way, you decided to move here and apply for C-Sec?"

"Not exactly…." Feron tilted his head thoughtfully looking down at Shepard as she released his hand but leaned into his side. Resting her cheek on his shoulder, she adjusted his jacket more snugly around her, keeping Kolyat's spread out over her lap, not caring about the blood stains. As soon as Kolyat was well, she would buy him as many jackets as he wanted, she didn't give a fuck about anything else than his happiness. She knew her overly familiar behavior with Feron might raise some questions, but no one knew right now - except him - about the inner pandemonium of thoughts that spiraled through her mind. Feron's presence was the only thing finally calming her down.

She wouldn't get any judgment's from him...

"I was dismissed with honors from my service to the hanar. Afterward, I became an information trader and helped Sarah here and there," he finally said, finalizing his story. "I helped Shepard a few times when her Spectre status was reinstated."

"Feron saved my life when I was MIA. He's the reason I'm even alive right now," Shepard said, receiving surprised looks from the rest of the group.

Smiling gently, Feron took her hand lightly in his again, his thumb running over the tips of her fingers softly. "In return she saved mine. I was captured by enemies and held prisoner for a time. I'm alive also because of Sarah and…." Feron looked away, uncertainty clouding over his face because she realized he wasn't sure what other information he should release or maybe she was comfortable in sharing.

"Thane, Kolyat's father." Sarah filled in his gap. "He helped me save, Feron." She turned her face to gain Feron's attention back, his eyes staring into hers in silent question. "They all know that I was with Thane before, and Kolyat and I are not rishka'fahn."

"I see, and do they know how terrifying Thane was?"

Feron statement caught her off guard and she lifted her head and frowned. "No, he wasn't."

"Yes he was - way too quiet." He shook his head as if not believing a word she said.

"He spoke. He just wasn't the chatty type, like some people I know."

"That's because he was trying to get laid by you." Feron grinned. Sarah sucked her teeth and jabbed Feron in the side with her fist, rewarded when he jumped and groaned in pain. Purring in jest he begged her not to do it again.

"Anyway, Feron really had nothing going on, so Kolyat put it in his head-"

"Begged me, actually."

"-to move to the Citadel and join C-Sec."

"He confessed he couldn't live without me." Feron deadpanned.

Sarah grinned and glanced sideways at Feron. "Wait until Kolyat is well again and I tell him about this conversation."

Feron shrugged. "I'm already expecting to get throttled because you smell like me now. Oh, and since we're on the subject of police brutality-"

"We weren't, but okay," Sarah grumbled, talking in between Feron.

"I need your council friend to sign my paperwork to endorse my application for C-Sec. I received a response back for a scheduled interview next week."

"Already? That was quick."

"There's an academy that starts in a few weeks," Lukas spoke up, still intently listening to the conversation. A smile on his lips most likely from their back and forth banter. "If Feron's paperwork looked good than they might be trying to push him through to start next month."

"Hm? Sounds official. Should I be nervous? That means I'm stuck here, right?" Feron flashed his teeth at Sarah.

"Yep. C-Sec is going to own your rainbow ass now."

Feron's wide grin languidly slipped into something more lascivious, his hazel irises shining briefly before he let it blink away into another friendly smile. Sarah knew exactly where she slipped up and honestly - if they were alone - Feron would've been saying a thousand perverted things right back to her. "Sounds exciting. Can't wait. Grueling work for low pay. What I always wanted."

"It's not that bad." Lukas snorted, chuckling deeply.

Feron's face fell into solemn contemplation, his eyes moving across to the doors leading towards the surgery center. "Clearly, since Kolyat was almost shot and killed in the line of duty."

His words sobered them all, but before Sarah could say anything else, the doors opened and someone - clearly a surgeon by the hospital uniform and surgical coverings they still wore - came over to them. Releasing Feron's hand, Sarah stood immediately to greet the doctor, Taran and Lukas following her lead as the human man approached them.

Nodding in greeting, the tanned skinned man, who looked not much older than her, smiled and glanced between their group, soft brown eyes full of friendly warmth. "Hi, you're here for Mr. Krios, right?"

"Yes," she answered. "I'm Sarah Shepard, Kolyat's girlfriend and this is Detective Lukas Graham, Kolyat's partner from C-Sec. The rest are family."

"Good. I'm glad you're all here." The doctor bobbed his head again before continuing. "So, we're going to get right down to it. I'm Doctor Azir, the head surgeon that did the procedure on Mr. Krios. Right now the nurse is giving him the last blood transfusion from the bag we just received, but the surgery has concluded."

"He's going to make a recovery?" Sarah held her breath as she asked.

Doctor Azir smiled and nodded deeply and bobbed his head in confirmation a few times. "Yes, it was touch and go at one point, but after we resuscitated Krios the second time, his vitals remained strong ... I guess he decided he wanted to live."

"Kolyat's too stubborn to die." Feron purred playfully, although Sarah's full attention remained on the surgeon.

"Mr. Krios will soon be moved to recovery," Dr. Azir continued. "For now he is going to remain under sedation to give his body some time to heal. The medigel was placed in small quantities because we wanted his natural healing to take over. There is a possibility he will not wake up for a day or so ..."

Doctor Azir paused thoughtfully looking over all of them as if gathering his thoughts. "Uh, so, we were able to remove all traces of the bullets but his lung collapsed in the process, which is normal when the organ receives puncture damage. Mr. Krios has been hooked up to a breathing tube, which is a small catheter placed in the chest to remove the air that escaped. He should have full lung functionality in about a week, and then we'll be able to remove it. Krios has no other medical conditions so I doubt we'll have a problem. The worst is behind us. He's doing extremely well, now. When he wakes up and is coherent, I'll come by and discuss breathing techniques … and we'll start moving forward with physical therapy. Do you have any questions?"

Sarah listened intently and glanced at Lukas who shook his head 'no' before asking, "When can I see him?"

Dr. Azir only smiled again before answering, "It won't be for a few hours yet before he's able to have visitors. Why don't you all go home and get some rest? I assure you, Mr. Krios is going to be fine. I, myself, am going to go take a shower and get some shut-eye. I'll be back tomorrow to start fresh and check on his progress."

Sarah nodded in response, although she had no intention of actually leaving. After the doctor excused himself, everyone expressed their relief that Kolyat was going to be fine.

Lukas closed his eyes and let out a long breath, his shoulders visibly relaxing as he took a moment to himself. When he glanced back at her, he smiled and nodded. "I'm going to take his advice, go home, get a shower and get a bite to eat. I'll be back in a few hours." Turning his attention to Mira and Taran he asked them, "What about you?"

"It's been a long day." Taran agreed, turning to take Mira's hand and help guide her up from the couch. "We're going to go home and get some rest. I also need to check the shop. Will you call me when he's awake?"

Lukas nodded and glanced at Feron who rose from his seat. "And you?"

Feron just shrugged and looked back at the doors to the operating area. "I'm going to stay for a bit, I'm a little light-headed from the blood donation. After, well…." He looked at Sarah as if waiting for her input.

"I'm going to stay," she stated, taking a seat back on the couch and kicking off her heels. After slipping her feet under her, she looked up at Feron ready to take his jacket off and give it back to him. When she leaned forward and started removing it from her shoulders she heard Feron purr in denial.

Holding up his hand in a halting manner, he shook his head and smiled at her with warmth. "I'm going to stay with you, but I'm going to get us some food first. I didn't eat anything on the way here and I need something because of the donation. I doubt you've eaten anything either."

"You know me," Sarah smiled up at him.

"A little too well," he sighed.

"Let me give you my contact information," Lukas said to Feron, right after he told Mira and Taran to wait so he could give them a ride.

"You said you already had a girl." Feron provoked playfully, grinning at Lukas. "I hope you're not trying to tease me."

Laughing, Lukas shook his head and tapped his omnitool to Feron's. "Don't worry man, when Kolyat gets better, we'll all get a drink and I'll get you someone."

Feron laughed but shook his head in refusal. "Thanks, but I'm not into the stranger danger. Let's just all get a drink when Kolyat recovers to celebrate. That I'll take you up on."

"Sounds good to me." Lukas returned, holding out his hand again to shake Feron's. The smile suddenly fell from the drells face, but he tentatively held out his hand and allowed Lukas to grasp his palm in his, uncertainty shining through. A heartbeat passing before the human man spoke again. "Thank you for being here. Seriously. Kolyat really needed that blood, and you got here in the nick of time. I owe you one. Kolyat and I got close … and I hope perhaps you and I can do the same. After all, you're going to be one of us soon."

Feron swallowed roughly and glanced down, nodding silently. His demeanor changing to a shy side that he didn't show very often. A humbleness that Shepard sometimes wondered was actually the real him. She knew masks better than anyone, and she hoped now that Feron was on the Citadel, around people that cared, maybe his mask would finally break and he would get a shot of becoming who he was meant to be. An opportunity to live the way he wanted, with friends at his side to help him along the way.

A second chance.

A new life.

A real beginning.


End file.
